***sensitive topic***
I don’t know if this is appropriate to share but I still want to share it anyways…
I ended up going to therapy after my neighbor committed suicide..that shit legit ducked me up so bad! Not only did it traumatized me in every sense but I was deeply sad for many months. Seeing his lifeless body left me having terrifying nightmares…those images will stay with me for the rest of my life….and I would ask myself, why the duck did he have to go out that way….
I still can’t believe it…the way he chose to go… yeah, he’s got some big ass balls to take his ass out that way… and I mean that hurts and pisses me off at the same time… it was in the middle of a beautiful and sunny day, on a busy ducken afternoon… he woke up that day and decided that it was time to leave this shit life behind and whether he was going to descend to hell or float away to the heavens, that didn’t matter, he was wanting to go to on to some place else, some place better and, he was ready. Or are these events unplanned?
He took his own life in front of his house!
I heard a loud single pop sound which startled me….by the time I got my sandals on and ran outside to see what was going on, the cops and medics arrived and had begun taping down the street with caution tape. I live in a small town so it took 5 minutes for them to arrive. And within that short time, he was gone. There was no more…
And I weeped and for a while I grieved over the loss like he was a lover, a child of mine.
There were no signs, everyone kept saying. How did he get a gun, everyone kept asking. No one knows…but that shit killed my soul, I wanted to rewind the day, back to the moment he was alive, wished I could of done something to help him. I feel a sense of guilt. I think back to the last time I saw him, which was the day before and those last few months… he always looked at me like he wanted to talk or say something but I always acted like I was too good to stop for a short chat. I hate that about myself… I have this issue with my pride… and I am working on it.
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