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Author Topic: The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman  (Read 36893 times)

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Offline Rebel

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Re: The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman
« Reply #225 on: April 29, 2022, 10:51:42 PM »
Yesterday;

I came home and drank one and a half cup of wine before I wrote that last post. Wanted to pass out and go to sleep. But I was wondering to myself… how it would be like to be a dude for one day! I can just call to use them for sxx only when i want. Leave them when I want. Be greedy all the time. Be selfish all the time… but I’m not like that. I wonder if men feel bad for using a girl for sex…if you think about it, prostitutes get paid…ugly asses, ducked up no teeth woman on the streets get paid for their time and their services and get F in the process….And we girls…yes we girls just want love and these men just use our body……like we’re not even worth it. So basically We’re just free prostitutes, cheap ass hoes…. So girls never bee a free one… f them and leave them or have them pay you! Matter of fact, don’t even duck them at all until there is a ring in your finger. I’m still mad at how we got here with our relationship but that’s another story…our FIRST DATE story. There was some coercion and manipulation… that’s why I’m always kind of mad about things…

I feel bad afterward…I left in such a hurry. I was exhausted and I have to drive home. I didn’t want to end up spending the night and try to fight through traffic in the morning. I didn’t want to have to explain shit to him either

When I got home, I ignored his texts. Yes!!! I had a hard week… why’d you think I called him for? Lmfao

Finally texted him: “sorry for being a POS!” xoxo



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Offline Rebel

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Re: The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman
« Reply #226 on: April 29, 2022, 10:54:54 PM »

Few weeks ago that I forgot to post

We’re getting to a new phase in our relationship. Things have changed between us. He is not the same and so am I. Lately he is snappy, and I am easily annoyed.

Then the weirdest crap happens, he wants me to meet the son
“I’m not sure if you’re ready..”

On a car ride to dinner I finally snapped!

“Why can’t you say anything…say something to me GODDAM it! Why don’t you ever say a duckEN thing?” I screamed over the music

I looked at him and, nothing. His eyes were glued to the road in front of him..,He does that to me… when there is an issue, and I got something to say….. he keeps his mouth closed and not a single words come out of it. He’s avoiding me. Dodging the subject. That makes me even more furious. It’s feels like I’m screaming at the wall and the wall is silent. Then when I calmed down, he comes and try to talks to me by then, I’m already so over the problem I don’t want to talk about it any more.

I came home and I made a list of shit I would never tolerate again from a man…and what I want.



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Offline Rebel

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Re: The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman
« Reply #227 on: April 29, 2022, 11:17:20 PM »
My friend Ryan… message me twice after some conversation we had
Twice he wrote: “I really want to be yours” and then again… “I want to be yours”

I really don’t know why but that really turned me on. It feels like he is submitting to me…serving himself on a plate for me… giving me permission to have him

Still in my mind, it’s wrong. And I know it’s wrong..

I ended up not going out today…. It’s like I suddenly not sure what I wanted to do tonight or who I wanted to be with… I’m just exhausted so I’m sorry if I’m just dumping stuff from my mind tonight hahaha



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Offline Rebel

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Re: The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman
« Reply #228 on: April 30, 2022, 10:44:32 AM »
I was just thinking… was Ryan asking to be my boyfriend??? I’m over analyzing the shit out of what he said to  me…
Ok so instead of, “Will you be my girlfriend…” he’s not asking but stating that……”I want to be yours…” (he wants to be mine?) totally confusing. What’s the difference between asking one person and stating something?

Why didn’t  he ask me “can you be mine?” Or will you be my girlfriend or I want you to be mine etc

Instead, it’s “I want to be yours” which means… what?  that he want to be kept by me, that he is already mine?

Or Is that ultimately just a sexual way of saying that I can do what I want to him… lmao


A few weeks ago, he hinted to me that we would be one badass awesome couple… but I brushed it off.

——-

Anyways, I had a nice morning. A nice cup of coffee. And yeah, sure I wish I can talk about other things in my life but I guess apparently people may already  got me figured out here so I can’t share what people know…or spicy stuff unless I want people to talk shit lmao and when I say share, i mens to dump all my personal life issues here… yeah I got a lot of dumping to do. Only thing people don’t know is my love life… I keep that private but if I was to tell you my favorite song then yeah…you would know it’s me  lol



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Offline NtsesHnub

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Re: The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman
« Reply #229 on: May 01, 2022, 01:51:34 PM »
I got poems relating to your recent entries.  Anyways, whats your favorite songs? 



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Different 💩 same smell

Offline Rebel

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Re: The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman
« Reply #230 on: May 03, 2022, 12:54:45 PM »
I got poems relating to your recent entries.  Anyways, whats your favorite songs?

Share it. I can’t tell you my favorite song, at least not today lol



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Offline Rebel

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Re: The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman
« Reply #231 on: May 03, 2022, 12:59:05 PM »
Between the two, my guys is more confident and extremely social. He talks with a smile… he is handsome with a baby-faced bad boyish look…he young at heart, playful, an extrovert. And YES everywhere we go, he gets hit on (story another time) He’s very clever…he knows a lot about the world, like all that bitty gritty things that you probably wouldn’t care about. He takes risk, the not scared to die type.

But Ryan is very manly and can come off a little intimidating because of his beard, tattoos and height. Hes the cautious daddy type. Big but with a soft heart. He likes a subject hes passionate about it and will talk or show me it. My guy is a little short tempered, he would never really show how angry he can get but you can feel the vibe in a room when he is quiet and I am mad.. Ryan is much more patient, he’s gentle and is not bother by me flipping out.. My guy is more avoidant, Ryan is not. My guy is very Americanized and liberal in his thoughts with a touch of his culture. Ryan is somehow more of a traditional guy, conservative in his thinking/at least it seems. He’s old school.

My guy Would never put up with any shit… Ryan? He will sit across from me at a dinner table and look me in the eye and tell me he’s got the hottest girl in the whole place and that he was okay that I was a tab but toxic. “I can put up with that! And I don’t mind!” He would say. And I would tell him  not to encourage me to lol My guy have no self control… Ryan does. My guy will manipulate me to get what he wants… he can be selfish/clever at times and is greedy in a sexual kind of way and he will take and never feel bad about it, he is assertive.

He wears Versace and eat only at fine dinning places and wear nice clothes and wants the best of everything. If it’s not good enough, he rejects it.  Ryan is not a picky eater, doesn’t care too much in luxury stuff..And he just like things to be ok and doesn’t have a complaint about most things. They both lead two different life…. And I can see myself in both

They both have tattoos, are the same ethnicity, drives the same kind of trucks, loves football and roots for the same baseball team. They both love to cook and loves to show off that skill.  They both grew up around the same time,  around the same area. I pray to god they don’t know each other! One is a pretty bad boy and the other one, a sophisticated gangster!

My guy got me on the first night of our date. And I will share that another time… Ryan? For months had not tried to touch me… “Im careful, I don’t want to duck this up!” He always say to me.

When I’m with my guy I feel like we’re at the same level. We match energy. We match vibes. When both our energy comes together, it’s this strange vibrational feeling I can’t explain. When I’m with Ryan…. He makes me feel like a woman. He makes me want to surrender myself to him… he makes me wants to become submissive…he brings out my soft side and I treat him very sweetly unlike my guy who I treat like a friend if not a lover.

I lust after them both in different way.



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Offline Rebel

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Re: The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman
« Reply #232 on: May 05, 2022, 11:20:56 PM »
Marriage had never really cross my mind, to be honest and I had always been commitment phobic my whole life. But lately the thought of settling down is starting to hit me. I’m actually at that point where I’m really thinking of it even though I was married before. It’s not the same.

I want to raise kids…cook my man dinner and keep a clean and nice smelling home. I want to have family gathering and make all the food from scratch. I want to bring my kids to soccer practice and  be involved in their school. If I have a daughter, she’ll be in Girl Scout. If I have boys, they’ll play football. I want them to play musical instruments and be well rounded kids and we’ll cultured. I want them to be tough but have good manners.

I want to make it to Sunday service dressed in our Sunday best. I want to have outings and daycations, I want to plan trips and travel around with my little family so they can explore the world, and we can make memories. I want to have a garden, an orchard and plant my own roses. I want to live in a middle class family friendly neighborhood where all the houses do not look the same and our neighbors are like minded. I want to be on some boat some where and we’re relaxing as we watch the sunset while drinking margaritas…

I want to be  with the most handsome and loving man who respects me and adores me and cherished every moment with me.  I want to be able to look at him and one day at the end of our life be able to say “thank you for such a beautiful life!” I want to respect him and take care of him and love him and stand by him. I want him to never stop chasing me and I want to always be loving on him. Oh and sure I can go on with this but I’ll stop here for today….


And yeah here I am trying so hard not to be a hoe lmfao everyone keeps telling me to hoe myself and get the shit out of my system, but I won’t. There is so many men serving their penis on a silver platter and I still can’t mother ducken put them on a rotation and use them. I’m so duckEN gross out by this shit! Lol just a thought for the day :)


Lately, Ryan’s been calling me “baby”  I don’t know how I feel about that, mix feelings…


« Last Edit: May 05, 2022, 11:31:51 PM by Rebel »

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Offline Rebel

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Re: The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman
« Reply #233 on: May 16, 2022, 10:45:08 PM »
Ryan invited me to a wedding…I  went looking for a dress and was getting my hair and nails done but I began to have anxiety about going with him… we will be all alone and 9 hours away from home…I do not want to go there and make a mistake with him. I also did not feel I was ready to meet his entire family.  So I backed out last minute. Ryan was so calm about it that it left me in a bit of a shock…I was expecting him to flip out..

He went to the wedding by himself but made me feel like I was part of it… he took a pictures with each family members…and sent me videos of the wedding…
“Wish you were here” he continually texted me through out the wedding
When he was on his way home he made sure I knew it. When he got home he message to let me know he was home. All without me asking….

——-
All the while this is going on… Guy is in another state…he had called me to go pick him and his friends up at the airport later in the evening… so around the time I was going out to pick him up…. He called to let me know that he and his friends were so drunk that they missed their flight.

He could barley talk to me and I could hardly understand him. It was either, “we’re too ducked up they won’t let us on the plane or we’re so drunk we missed the plane!” I don’t know which one was the truth.

“Oh so you’re gonna be out there acting like a damn fool!” I said to him

“I ducken hate you…” I said to him “and I ducken meant it…”

Then I hung up.

Guy called later to apologize.
“you’re a damn good woman, I’m sorry..” He kept repeating but they are just words that meant nothing to me…

“well, my friends are going to the brothel in town but I’m not going, I’m staying right here in bed…those p are nasty and smelly, I can smell it a mile away”

I didn’t let him finish and I hung up on him and he didn’t bother calling back bc he know I won’t bother picking up. That was on a Friday.. I forgot about him…

 Sunday afternoon rolls around and Guy called me 6x. I changed his contact name to **** -do not pick up! lol I finally picked up on the seventh call.

“Babe Can you pick us up?”

“You ducken kidding me, it’s ducken Sunday and your ass is still there??? ” I said as calmly as I could. “Find your own damn ride….”

“K babe I will, I’ll call you when I get back!”  He said nervously like a dog that know he’s gonna get his ass beat later!

I’m too old for this shit.

I wouldn’t be so pissed but when he called that Friday morning about his flight, he had me buy a case of alcohol plus some liquor and I had also put in 60 dollars in gas… for me to spend almost 100 dollars for him and for him to call me being all drunk and not be able to fly home, we’ll that shit just pissed me off so much…I can’t deal with that..



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Offline Rebel

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Re: The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman
« Reply #234 on: May 18, 2022, 06:48:13 PM »
Got into a huge fight

“Damn woman, I’m gonna put your ass to sleep!”

“Yeah ducken try ******!”

My ass KO’d and I went to into a deep sleep for several hours. I woke up and dinner was ready and my movie playing

——-

I picked up a new hobby also. Can’t say what it is but let’s just say that the only way to enjoy it is to go on a adventure.

I’m loving it. But I’m always scared I might get chased by some wild animals…perhaps humans… so I’m always watching my back and not enjoying it much…

I try to stay on the path but staying on the path ain’t no fun. The fun is in the messy area where no man has touched…
——-

Went out with my girls friend to some local brewery and some guy whooped out his **** as we got to the car at the end of the night. He pretty much chased us to our car…  that was quite scary because anything can happen within minutes and it’ll be all over.

That triggered something from my past… it was terrifying…it sent me into a panic attack

——

I hate when people tell me that I’m strong. Im not. Im fragile but like a bomb

——

And when  I can’t deal with life… I have my phone on airplane mode and disappear for a while.


« Last Edit: May 18, 2022, 07:18:16 PM by Rebel »

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Offline Rebel

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Re: The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman
« Reply #235 on: May 19, 2022, 12:54:38 PM »
Ryan’s mom is very intimidating… she reminds me of Miranda priestly in the devil wear Prada. They both have the same hair and that scary serious look that makes your stomach feels sick and nauseous… I don’t ever want to be stuck in a room with that lady, ever! 😂

——-

Lately I like to be alone. “Friends” only comes around when they need to use me for something. And I think that’s terrible and sad! I have a gym buddy that only comes around for that… then she will want to go grab something to eat afterward. Sometimes she’ll have me pay for the lunch but she does it in a shady way.. yes I’m generous but that doesn’t mean I should be used… halfway through eating her lunch or dinner and she’ll ask if if I can PAY because she don’t have money. I’m always like WTF! If you ain’t got money, you shouldn’t ask people to hang out with you. PERIOD. She does that quite a bit and I never like to hang out with her, not to mention her age… she’s in her  XX. The last time I went to dinner with her, she asked me to pay her TIP even when our check was separate. She never tips and pays exactly the amount!!! That always annoys me so I alway steer clear of her when she calls… I can’t stand greedy ass people like that, especially those who goes to church like her and pick at other people flaws yet sleeps around and have one nightstands like it’s the end of the world….

——-

Me coming to talk about random shit about my life like this has been very therapeutic! I have so much shit in my brain that needs to come out. And I get to reflect and feel out who I really am as a person…



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Offline Rebel

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Re: The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman
« Reply #236 on: June 01, 2022, 12:49:13 AM »
I had a late ass dinner And now I can’t sleep  ;D well I wouldn’t be able to sleep even if I want to. That’s just ridiculous of me to have such a late dinner… should of just snacked and ate all the damn ice cream in the freezer… but no, I ate nothing today so I feel bad going to bed eating nothing all day… I got myself a giant burrito…  ;D

Went to therapy today and had a good session. I talked about relationships even though I hardly talk about that with my therapist… most of the time it’s about my childhood but it’s just funny how everything from then ties into everything now. I am working on my self, to better myself for the next person. No more toxic shit… haha I will always be like that. But today I also opened up about something that was very private that I had forgotten about…and I’m glad I did..



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Offline Rebel

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Re: The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman
« Reply #237 on: June 02, 2022, 10:41:36 AM »
There be so much tension between us but I’m not willing to cooperate…at the end of  one of our not too recent date, Ryan walked me to my car.. he reached to give me a hug but grabbed me and lifted me off the ground… he slammed me on top of the hood of the car…

“Damn, your light as hell…” he said

We passionately kissed… it was silly and caused a scene. But I have a fear when it comes to Ryan…I fear that once I give in, I’ll just lose interest in him lmfao so I really don’t know where I’m going with this…



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Offline NtsesHnub

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Re: The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman
« Reply #238 on: June 02, 2022, 05:08:51 PM »
Your boy needs to put a 💍 on yo finger
http://www.pebhmong.com/forum/index.php/topic,255671.0.html



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Different 💩 same smell

Offline NtsesHnub

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Different 💩 same smell

 

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