The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman

[Rebel]

After I went through some of our old messages. I noticed that I've never initiated or asked anything from him before. One hundred percent of the time, he was asking me out. There was never really a reason for me to reach out to him... but I think it's also bc he know  I would never ask him anyways.So for the first time since we dated, I demanded to see him....

"I need something tonight!"

"He'll yeah, let's do it, I'll see you tonight!"

"You better have my drink fixed when I get there..." I said to him

"Ok... I'll be there after 7"

My mind was blown away...Wow it was that easy?

He even texted me one hour later:
"I'm getting off early for you, you feel like driving to the pond to get some fresh air before dinner etc"

"Yes!"

When he got off work he texted me:
"You want anything in particular? I'm stopping by the store and will be making us dinner?""

"No"
(I felt bad for telling him to go duck himself the few days ago)

When he got to the store:
I'm here and will text you when I'm done shopping.

Then he called me: I'm done shopping, come when you're ready.

I thought he would get mad and ignore me.. I thought he would say something hurtful and degrading...I was so used to getting my needs denied and the kind of treatment I get from my ex so I learned never to ask him anything during our entire marriage.
Ever since I started dating him, I was scared to death to initiate anything, in fear that he would ignore me or tell me off. And so when I wanted something, I just deny myself of it.

After realizing this, i wanted to crawl in a ball and cry...A little bit of that extra weight I've been carrying lifted off me. Then I had a severe panic attack...think ing about my past and all the things that really scared me...

We had another amazing evening together.

[Rebel]

On our second date he asked one of the most weirdest question a guy could ever ask me.

"Do you ever think of having kids, Rebel? Bc if you do I can give it to you... just say when"

Those were his exact words. My immediate thought was, "wow, this guy...did he think I was going to trap him into a relationship by getting myself pregnant with his baby? Is he testing me? Trying to get laid? Lol Maybe girls he dated wanted his baby... But I don't want to be tied down by anyone, certainly not with a guy I just met and definitely not with a guy who told me he was going a take me stargazing but ended up taking me on a 2 hour getaway trip to some mountain cabin in the ducken middle of nowhere...

"No...," I said to him. I wanna travel and do things with my life. Maybe in the near future like, in 10 years... I would want girls."

"Wow that's kinda long, don't you think... you can still do travels with kids, you know that right?"

"Are you for reals? You don't even know me lol"

"Yeah I am...lol"

We laughed it off and I  forgot about it...

----

A couple weeks ago, he was walking in and out of the house, prepping the food and getting the BBQ grill started... sometimes when he seems  super busy like that, I know that he is always looking at me and "thinking" or I'll catch him just staring and like, wondering? Lol

 He casually asked me again...

"So rebel, what do you think about having kids? Do you want kids?"

"Yeah, I told you I do...someday,  I want girls though."

"Yeah? How many do you want?"

"Two...nothing more than that.. But not now, I really enjoy being able to do what I like... that's just not something in my mind right now....maybe in 10 years, I'll think about it..."

He was standing by the BBQ grill, shirtless looking so freaking masculine and sexy under the patio light, holding a pair of kitchen tong in one hand...

"You and your 10 years....what if I want kids now??

I stared at him from where I was sitting and didn't answer him. I ignored the question with a light smile and looked away.

He knows my thoughts on that.

----

Last night he had the baby talk with me again.

"Rebel do you want kids?"

"Are you fuking serious....You really want kids?"

"Yes I do.... I want a couple of them...I can give them to you... I can give you girls... they will look so cute being half Hmong and ******* I can already see how cute they will look.... let's try for it....I'll give you whatever you want. Serious. You just say when, woman...oh and I want to meet your parents..."

"Oh what the duck! You're getting too serious here...That shits too much for me...No ones meeting anyone's momma...yet lol"

"lol fine. Then what's you're mothers name?"
I told him. He came at me with a hug but I pushed him off like I don't want it...

"Hey I think you're mad at me bc I shaved my face today!"

Lol we laughed and I reached up to give him a peck on his cheeks, I didn't notice it but he always looks handsome whenever he smiles.

It's crazy that he has baby fever but I'm still trying to have fun and sort my life out...so I don't think we're on the same page. I don't even know what kind of father he is... I haven't seen every side to him yet. What kind of life would we live? What makes a man want a baby? Is that normal? A red flag?  What if we break up when we're not even officially together? What if having a baby change things in our relationship? What if I'm not ready for it? What if it was the wrong decision with the wrong guy and the wrong time? How would I know for sure he was a good guy? Or the right guy? Is this something I can commit myself to? I'm losing my mind over this shit... i can't trust my self to be sure...and I don't want to go into something blindly.

I know it's weird but with my ex husband, he was the most charming person I ever met in my life. Everyone who meets him, fall in love with his charms and his character. He wanted to get married. I didn't. But I went along and later found out that he was a demon in disguise... that thought of repeating history again, scares me. So I keep waiting to find something bad... to see where he ticks, to see how he is when he frustrated or in a bad mood. To see how he communicate, deal with issues, fix something, I pay attention to his words and action but most importantly, I want to know how he love...

[lilly]

Awww, Rebel, I'm happy to see that you and him are taking your relationship to the next level.  You sound young if you can wait 10 more years to have babies.  Don't wait too long though.  Ask him what his plans are with you if he wants babies with you so bad.  Is he ready for marriage?  He seems nice.  I think he's really into you if he wants to have babies with you.  You guys should move in together and see how things go.  After 6 months to a year of living together, you'll know more if you'll want to have babies with him.   

[Rebel]

Awww, Rebel, I'm happy to see that you and him are taking your relationship to the next level.  You sound young if you can wait 10 more years to have babies.  Don't wait too long though.  Ask him what his plans are with you if he wants babies with you so bad.  Is he ready for marriage?  He seems nice.  I think he's really into you if he wants to have babies with you.  You guys should move in together and see how things go.  After 6 months to a year of living together, you'll know more if you'll want to have babies with him.   

I'm not young...but I don't feel I'm ready at the point in my life to have kids  Lol but moving in and living with each other before committing sounds like a good idea...that though never crossed my mind

[Rebel]

He calls me "my girl" and we have a wonderful relationship but for as long as we have dated, we never put a label on our relationship. Does it matter anyways? I honestly don't really care.

Last night we had our first major fight...

We were talking about threesomes (idk how we got into that subject) somehow that lead to other things and we ended up arguing about our relationship.. .

"I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF WE'RE GOING TOWARD SOMETHING IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.. .WHO ELSE ARE YOU duckING DATING BESIDES ME...?"

"IM NOT DATING ANYONE BUT YOU... YOU CAN DRIVE BY THE HOUSE TO CHECK UP ON ME IF YOU DONT BELIEVE ME.. YOU CAN CALL ME ANYTIME AND ASK ME AND ILL TELL YOU WHAT IM DOING... YOU'RE THE ONLY WOMAN
IM SEEING... I SIAD YOU CAN COME OVER ANYTIME YOU WANT, I DON'T WANT TO FORCE YOU TO DO SOMETHING YOU DONT WANT TO BC THERES NOTHING TO DO HERE...DON'T YOU duckEN RUIN WHAT WE HAVE HERE, REBEL! BECAUSE I LOVE  WHAT WE HAVE AND I WOULDN'T WANT TO CHANGE IT!"

It was intense, words were exchanged and feelings got hurt. But that's what happen when you have a little too much to drink and feeling a little too emotional all at once.

"You still want to see each other? I asked him, after things calmed down a little.
"Well, hell yeah I still do!"

This subject have been avoided for too long and eventually it's gonna need to be talked about. We made up for it and spend the whole morning cuddling and talking about it. We agreed that we were having fun and are taking baby steps...into the future, but shouldn't rush anything. We were enjoying each other's company and we didn't want to put a label on anything yet and end all the fun we were  having. Bc sometimes when things becomes too serious it kills the attraction and everything becomes stale and boring...and we both don't want that.

" Can you call me sometimes? He asked me so sweetly as I headed out.
"You call me when you can" I said
"No please call me...lol" he repeated again
"Yeah sure I'll call when I get a chance, you should call me sometimes too" I said to him.
"Sure I'll call you too, drive safe" he said. We gave each other a side hug in the morning and he walked me to the car.
 
On my drive home, I was thinking about things and it all made sense to me now....He likes to chase the hell out of me and he loves when I get annoyed with it....I'll give in a little but I never let him actually catch me. What we have is like a drug. And that's what he said last night, "we should try some drugs together and see how it feels like, bc what I'm feeling with you feels like I'm 24/7 high on drugs..."

[Rebel]

Am I the only one not enjoying this and losing my mind being in quarantine? Not that I really stay quarantined... lol I mean I do but I still need to get out from time to time or else I'll lose my freaking mind. There was a huge protest the other day, down the street from here. People were losing it wanting to be able to get out... I am already there with everything closed. Needed some summer clothes and out of make up so guess where I went? Yes, to Walmart! I got myself overall shorts and a bunch of tops and cheap make up, enough to last me a month or two... but the thing I desperately need the most is a haircut lol being stuck in lock down made me realize of all the things I take for granted in life...

Anyways I canceled our date Sunday. We were going back up to the mountain but he got stuck with work.  I didn't want to leave so late bc it would of taken us two hours to get there and That wouldn't give us time to do much.

That baby conversation came up twice since the last three times that we talked about it. I almost wanted to say, "I won't give it to you unless you put a ring in it!" But then I remember we're both still in the process of our divorce.

[DuMa]

I'm not playing the devil here but just brace yourself just in case.  I might be playing the angel role cuz stuff like this, the warning and the I told you so, blah blah so yeah... dare to read? 

https://www.pebhmong.com/forum/index.php/topic,401156.0.html

[DuMa]

Awww, Rebel, I'm happy to see that you and him are taking your relationship to the next level.  You sound young if you can wait 10 more years to have babies.  Don't wait too long though.  Ask him what his plans are with you if he wants babies with you so bad.  Is he ready for marriage?  He seems nice.  I think he's really into you if he wants to have babies with you.  You guys should move in together and see how things go.  After 6 months to a year of living together, you'll know more if you'll want to have babies with him.   

This is what so different about men and women while giving advises.  Women will push for the go ahead button but men like myself will give you a concern look. 

I'm not here to ruin your fun but always take precautions.   I have done and seen so many options that could of played out and believe me, all endings are ugly.   I'm not going to stress it again.   You will have to live and learn the hard way, just like how we all have gone through "ish" and more.   

[Rebel]

I'm not playing the devil here but just brace yourself just in case.  I might be playing the angel role cuz stuff like this, the warning and the I told you so, blah blah so yeah... dare to read? 

https://www.pebhmong.com/forum/index.php/topic,401156.0.html

My feelings are conflicted... a part of me is like, wow do he really like me? Another part is like, watch the duck out for this MF bc Something isn't right here! Lol what guy in their right mind would want to knock someone up? I never meet someone who did...
Honestly,  I wont allow myself to fully fall for him... I feel he hasn't earned my it yet so I pull back after every time we meet up... but it's been going on for almost half a year and truthfully I'm a little tired of it... lol
But thanks, needed someone to knock some sense into me bc sometimes I keep losing track of where i am and find myself going down the wrong route...only to (annoyingly) walk back to where I was in the beginning. Maybe after the quarantine ends things might changed, who knows.

[Rebel]

I was making a review and out of curiosity I searched for his company....I scrolled through the comments and suddenly felt myself burning with some kind of jealousy...man y of the people who gave him a 5 star ratings and reviews were all good looking girls who specifically thanked him for something or had something sweet to say of him... I shouldn't of been so curious... but my finger found its way there. It was like this itch, a part of me wanted to see if he had another life aside from what I see all the time... The truth is, I rather not know these things so I calmed myself down and promise I won't go around searching for him online... I won't  try to look him up on Facebook or cyber stalked him on any other social media...I think something's are just better to not know even though he tells me all the time that he doesn't have any online profile but his dating app which is still up and also mine lol..


It's so quick how half a year had kinda gone by. We meet before the pandemic and we had so much fun going out on dates and hanging out. And just being our silly self. We reminisced about it the last time we saw each other.

"If none of this shit happened, we'd be out tonight!" He would say.

Many things changed since then. Our whole life changed, he changed a little and so did I. Even though he chased me all these months, I wasn't ready to get myself hurt and catch feelings in the relationship.. .so I was always pulling back. I hardly gave him attention, and some days we went days without contact bc I keep thinking that we would just silently ghost each other. But he keeps coming back into my life and filling up my mental space with thoughts of him.  We hang out all the time but truthfully we're both emotionally neglecting each other's needs. He's mirroring me and I'm following his lead but things just feels so...? He always tell me that I should tell him my needs...and I do the same. But I feel like this balloon trying not to float away.

[DuMa]

My feelings are conflicted... a part of me is like, wow do he really like me? Another part is like, watch the duck out for this MF bc Something isn't right here! Lol what guy in their right mind would want to knock someone up? I never meet someone who did...
Honestly,  I wont allow myself to fully fall for him... I feel he hasn't earned my it yet so I pull back after every time we meet up... but it's been going on for almost half a year and truthfully I'm a little tired of it... lol
But thanks, needed someone to knock some sense into me bc sometimes I keep losing track of where i am and find myself going down the wrong route...only to (annoyingly) walk back to where I was in the beginning. Maybe after the quarantine ends things might changed, who knows.

I tell you what.  I like to work with theories basing it upon bad science but don't hold me to it though.  This covid season is like a rebound feeling so of speak.  LIke it is hard enough to find a replacement during this time because our single social network is closed for business so what do people do?  They will hold onto anything they can "for the time being" ....  Being single and not having anyone or any outlet to stimulus the human mind sucks donkey balls.  We are not used to this crazy madness and just like the changing habits of a quarantine, we go mad crazy and wanting to break quarantine with protest and resistance. 

Not everything you hear is true such as them I love you long time or let me make a deposit in you.  In the heat of the moment, people may say some stupid things.  It is a playbook that works or perhaps a test of your will as well.  Lets try to have a baby and we do really try like for the 100th times but I'm always pulling out cuz well, I changed my mind before the nut busting job but hey, thanks for sex.   

Who got played here? 

This is why there is an old saying.. Don't give up sex until he puts a ring on it.  AT least you can keep the ring in exchange for sex.   Otherwise, you women are walking away with nothing.  Guys will walk away with good memories as you are just another statistics to the on going struggles with this whole dating game shenanigan. 

[DuMa]

I was making a review on yelp and out of curiosity I searched for his company....I scrolled through the comments and suddenly felt myself burning with some kind of jealousy...man y of the people who gave him a 5 star ratings and reviews were all good looking girls who specifically thanked him for something or had something sweet to say of him... I shouldn't of been so curious... but my finger found its way there. It was like this itch, a part of me wanted to see if he had another life aside from what I see all the time... The truth is, I rather not know these things so I calmed myself down and promise I won't go around searching for him online... I won't  try to look him up on Facebook or cyber stalked him on any other social media...I think something's are just better to not know even though he tells me all the time that he doesn't have any online profile but his dating app which is still up and also mine lol..


It's so quick how half a year had kinda gone by. We meet before the pandemic and we had so much fun going out on dates and hanging out. And just being our silly self. We reminisced about it the last time we saw each other.

"If none of this shit happened, we'd be out tonight!" He would say.

Many things changed since then. Our whole life changed, he changed a little and so did I. Even though he chased me all these months, I wasn't ready to get myself hurt and catch feelings in the relationship.. .so I was always pulling back. I hardly gave him attention, and some days we went days without contact bc I keep thinking that we would just silently ghost each other. But he keeps coming back into my life and filling up my mental space with thoughts of him.  We hang out all the time but truthfully we're both emotionally neglecting each other's needs. He's mirroring me and I'm following his lead but things just feels so...? He always tell me that I should tell him my needs...and I do the same. But I feel like this balloon trying not to float away.

My friend from that link I shared above...

well his wife doesn't even know his facebook account which is loaded with random females he been adding to spin his games.  Think she should know?

She doesn't even check his phone log cuz if she did, she should notice a few numbers or on this recent case, an mn number, talking for hours upon hours. 

smart women may want to find the truth.  If she finds nothing, that is his truth   

[Rebel]

This is why there is an old saying.. Don't give up sex until he puts a ring on it.  AT least you can keep the ring in exchange for sex.   Otherwise, you women are walking away with nothing.  Guys will walk away with good memories as you are just another statistics to the on going struggles with this whole dating game shenanigan.

So.... am I going to have to put a "do not disturb" sign on my self and wait until he gives me that ring? lol then how do we find real authentic love? If All guys thinks the same way, what makes another one different if all they want is a good time? Is it when they finally commit to the relationship and want the woman enough to give her that ring and married her?
I will be honest though,  he tricked me good in the beginning...lo l whatever happened, was never my intention... so i feel like I was deceived a little at the beginning of our relationship.. . then find it too late to back out of what I already got myself in... if u know what I mean lol But yes I agree with the quarantine thing... I'm sure once everything opens up everyone will be goin crazy lol

[Rebel]

My friend from that link I shared above...

well his wife doesn't even know his facebook account which is loaded with random females he been adding to spin his games.  Think she should know?

She doesn't even check his phone log cuz if she did, she should notice a few numbers or on this recent case, an mn number, talking for hours upon hours. 

smart women may want to find the truth.  If she finds nothing, that is his truth   

Men like this is what I am afraid of... perhaps it's just better to be single.

[DuMa]

So.... am I going to have to put a "do not disturb" sign on my self and wait until he gives me that ring? lol then how do we find real authentic love? If All guys thinks the same way, what makes another one different if all they want is a good time? Is it when they finally commit to the relationship and want the woman enough to give her that ring and married her?
I will be honest though,  he tricked me good in the beginning...lo l whatever happened, was never my intention... so i feel like I was deceived a little at the beginning of our relationship.. . then find it too late to back out of what I already got myself in... if u know what I mean lol But yes I agree with the quarantine thing... I'm sure once everything opens up everyone will be goin crazy lol

YOu mean you were a statistics? 

Let me tell you something I picked up a long the way.  Good guys don't ask for sex.  It just comes naturally and when he gets it, he should be falling in love with her.   You see, some to all of the women that I ever knocking boots with,  they gave me sex in thinking that after sex, I'll become their instant bf.  They fear that if they don't give me sex, I will be no longer be interested in her.  This fear is what makes them wanna give me sex.  I could be wrong though cuz some might just want it as bad as I do. 

Sex ruins relationship, you didn't realize that?  If there was no sex, the guy will continue to chase because of the anticipation of not having it.  Like guy girl friendship, bestfriend.  After sex, it ruins it.   

Thus why I voiced for giving sex with the promise of him being there after the sex.  Best is if yall are married cuz obviously, he's gonna be there like duh and thus why the church teaching is voicing it for a reason.  If you guys are bf gf relationship first then sex then ok too cuz he too will still be around.  Anything else will give him options.  The danger of it is if he once gets it without being committed, he will stick around to get more of it.  IT then will become a sexual relationship and you don't want to go there.  Now if it is a sexual relationship and he knows that you are sexing with other guys then he will get jealous.  Now wait a minute here.  Why become jealous if he's only in it for your booty?  Ah, the little kid with their toys theory.   Kids don't like to share their toys with other people.  Well if that's the case then isn't it also qualifies as a committed relationship if we don't want anyone else to touch our committed person?  Confused much? 

Your blue print is just the same old aged playbook that lots of men played.  Just know what you are doing and be careful to read them signs right.