Is being sassy even a compliment? To me sassy means, a “cocky ass haha” I don’t know why I think that way. I am annoyed. I wasn’t cocky I was just being me and drinking too much before we got to the restaurant. And thinking too much and saying more than I should say but I kept it classy, just a little mouthy. Not my fault he always stock the fridge with alcohol for me... when i got there he opened a new one... when i got there, I notice shit around the house that shouldn’t be. He had the house deep cleaned for me... made me feel suspicious to why. And so I confronted him before we went out... then he canceled on our vacation... and I was fine. But then we got to dinner and it was ok, until I realized the time. It was late. That pissed me off, I get so little of his time. He gives me enough air to breathe and I’m trying to stay alive without sufficient amount of oxygen. He’s always working and giving me shitty hours, which I tell myself to not take for granted and be thankful for the time... but it’s not enough...ans it’s starts to piss me off and I know his answer so I don’t want to ask ans I know he’ll avoid the question so I try to suppress it, then I blow up and become annoying, some kind of mechanism to annoy him so that maybe he’ll finally end things and we both can just go on with our life. But he doesn’t. He keeps his mouth shut and never talk about it. He never mention about break up or ending things, to him everything seem fine and he’s happy. Yet, he looks at me like he’s judging me, watching me, looking at my face to see what my reaction is.
When he told me that he was leaving with friends and won’t make it to our vacation. He came to hug me out of pure guilt and I could feel it. He was soothing my pain and stoking my hurt, but I wasn’t hurt. I wanted him to be happy.... besides I had worst things happened to me.... him canceling barely scrapped the scabs. Then he breathe a sign of relief... then I realized something that night...he had this side to him that made me feel like he was kind of scared of me. No matter how confident he is, he have a side that’s unsure of how to handle me... was that why he always kept his mouth closed in every serious/relationship discussions? He watches his words carefully and if he can’t, He just listens. He seem to be afraid to say the wrong things, still judging me to see how I handle things. And to be quite honest, I don’t think he’s ever been with a woman like me before. I never looked at him that way before that perhaps he’s not an extrovert as I always thought he was...