The Secret Life of a Hmong-American Woman

[Rebel]

When someone's mad at you but won't tell you their mad or upset so they send you a ONE word text that has nothing to do with the conversation you had  just to piss you off so you both will stay piss at each other for a few days because nobody wants to start a fight... I alway stir clear of any kind anything negativity and fights but I'm beginning to feel like something's brewing in my soul... it's been happening quite a lot lately. I told him that we should rough this out and stay out of each other's life...but he thinks it's funny

Him: let's see if I can get out early maybe we can see each other tonight
Me: can't see you tonight I'm busy and will be out with my family
Him: good

Good? Wtf was that! I ignored his text and went out anyways. When I texted him in the morning, which is very unlike me to do but I did it anyways to annoy him.... he ignored me. I know he's mad bc this weekend he was leaving town and we always meet up before we leave some where far..but I seriously need a time out

Still pissed though. I either want to delete him from my phone and my life for good or go see him and throw a few punches and f the hell out of him...lol cuz I'm ducken mad

We also planned another trip soon... but both have been neglecting the hell out of each other...feel like I need some time to myself...don't want to see anyone at the moment.

Anyways my bff stopped by earlier and we had a nice talk. And went for a nice walk. And grabbed some ice cream at the liquor store... glad summers coming to an end and looking forward to autumn.

[Rebel]

Dear DaCurse

I'm not sure if that's the truth. If you know what kind of relationship my mother and I have, you'll probably think differently. But it alway boggled my mind when I think of these things that she's done to me...My family are Christians and for her to do things like this is not the norm and something frown upon if, like my oldest brothers knew but I never mention them to any one else other than my cousin. Even if we were shamans, who the duck do this to anyone? It's just an unusual thing to do, that doesn't feel natural

My mothers private about her past but had mentioned certain things  in her life to me that made me feel sympathy for her, but  they were mentioned later in my adult years, so Im more understanding of it. I feel she have a lot of secrets. It's only now that I slowly piece some of the puzzles together that I'm getting  the sense that there's something more that she will never tell me or anyone.

If you confront her of things like this, she'll deny it. So I don't care asking it'll be a waist of breathe or shell get all offended and its never good bc you'll never get anything good out of it

[Rebel]

 

[Rebel]

I got into a heated talk while having dinner with him and i got really into the moment ....he sat there and said nothing, like how he always is.  I know he was probably embarrassed but I didn’t care, he got uber and got my ass out of there as fast as he could after we were done eating. Sometimes I get so bothered by things that I begin to subconsciously sabotage what ever it is that I’m doing and that evenings was our relationship. I am annoyed. When I walked out of the restaurant, he was walking behind me and said,

“Reb, I love it that your so sassy and crazy”
I didn’t answer him. He tried to hold me several time on our ride home but I slapped his hands away.

All he said to me was
“Why don’t you sleep on the couch tonight!”
That was him being mad. But I’m mad as hell
When we got back, we go into more squabbles on the front porch...

“We’re still in an exclusive relationship and together. Nothings changed...” he said to me

“It’s not even that... I hardly have any of your time”

“I can only give you this...I told you you can date other people bc I can’t give you everything... I didn’t grow up with loving parents, I dont know how to love you”

“Fine. I don’t even know how to be in a freaking relationship.. .SO WHAT ARE WE FREAKING DOING!”

“I hardley see you too... I alway just think that yiur  screwing other men in those times I don’t see you... but I don’t want to hold you back”

“I’m not trying to cage you either and I thought you might be dating other people... if we end up not being together, I’m telling you now I WILL NEVER BE YOUR FRIEND... that’s just nice things people say it each other...”

He thought for some time...trying to find something to say but shook his head...

“I’m not dating anyone else” he said.

We came back in the house and hugged eachother.

“I love you” I said to him.
He waited for a moment....then said it back to me.
I didn’t care if he did say it back. It wouldn’t bothered me at all.

That next morning he walked me to my car and gave me a hug

“See ya” I said to him.
He looked away and walked to his truck.
“Have fun” I said one more time....

I’m going to call you... reb I’ll call you”

I didn’t answer. But that was the first time I said “goodbye” to him and he knows why. But of course I said “see you” instead. He canceled our only vacation to go with his friends to another state... it was a good thing he didn’t text me about and instead told me to my face.

“I wanted to tell you in person...bc I’ll need you to take us to the airport”

And it all made sense. He so scared of what my emotional reaction would be for canceling our vacation that he texted me to tell me that we were going somewhere else to hang out... but of course we end up back at the crib

[Rebel]

Is being sassy even a compliment? To me  sassy means, a “cocky ass haha” I don’t know why I think that way. I am annoyed. I wasn’t cocky I was just being me and drinking too much before we got to the restaurant. And thinking too much and saying more than I should say but I kept it classy, just a little mouthy. Not my fault he always stock the fridge with alcohol for me... when i got there he opened a new one... when i got there, I notice shit around the house that shouldn’t be. He had the house deep cleaned for me... made me feel suspicious to why. And so I confronted him before we went out... then he canceled on our vacation... and I was fine. But then we got to dinner and it was ok, until I realized the time. It was late. That pissed me off, I get so little of his time. He gives me enough air to breathe and I’m trying to stay alive without sufficient amount of oxygen. He’s always working and giving me shitty hours, which I tell myself to not take for granted and be thankful for the time... but it’s not enough...ans it’s starts to piss me off and I know his answer so I don’t want to ask ans I know he’ll avoid the question so I try to suppress it, then I blow up and become annoying, some kind of mechanism to annoy him so that maybe he’ll finally end things and we both can just go on with our life. But he doesn’t. He keeps his mouth shut and never talk about it. He never mention about break up or ending things, to him everything seem fine and he’s happy. Yet, he looks at me like he’s judging me, watching me, looking at my face to see what my reaction is.

When he told me that he was leaving with friends and won’t make it to our vacation. He came to hug me out of pure guilt and I could feel it. He was soothing my pain and stoking my hurt, but I wasn’t hurt. I wanted him to be happy.... besides I had worst things happened to me.... him canceling barely scrapped  the scabs. Then he  breathe a sign of relief... then I realized something that night...he had this side to him that made me feel like he was kind of scared of me. No matter how confident he is, he have a side that’s unsure of how to handle me... was that why he always kept his mouth closed in every serious/relationship discussions? He watches his words carefully and if he can’t, He just listens. He seem to be afraid to say the wrong things, still judging me to see how I handle things. And to be quite honest, I don’t think he’s ever been with a woman like me before. I never looked  at him that way before that perhaps he’s not an extrovert as I always thought he was...

[Rebel]

“She is so scary” she said to him after they left from our first meet up a few months back
“Oh, yeah my ex has an intimidating personality” he said to her.

“That morning she got up so early and dug through her closet to find her nicest outfit, got her hair and nail done the day before...she wanted to impress you” he told me.
____________

I met her one time. From the time I met her and today, she was sent to rehab and had lost both her kids to CPS.. and the ex got framed along with a lot of other messy shits!

He confessed that my car, which he took with him when we split was totaled by his girlfriend with her kids inside. That was considered neglect on her part bc after the accident,she never took her kids to the hospital to get them checked. Her daughter/son who is going through a sex transition brought up the traumatic incident to her/his counselor who then started the investigation. .. which lead them to where they all are in today.

He called me frantic and asked me for my help and Confessed all the shit he’s done....

“What should I do? All that’s happening is repentance of what I did to you...I’m paying the price for it” he said over the phone.

“Nah, shit happens all the time” I said back.
“Chill out it’s not that bad... in the meantime you should start looking into getting an attorney”

What was funny was that when he received some money back from that car accident for overpayment or something, he brought the money over and handed it to me.

“What’s that? Pity money? I don’t need it!”

“No it’s for you in case you might want to go shopping or get your hair done!” He said to me

I took it and stuff it in my wallet. He’s never hand me a penny during our time together. As a matter of fact he made more money than me but I end up paying for most and sometimes all our bills. There was so much resentment toward the end of our marriage that I never in my life want to be with him again.

But he called last night.

“You think you and I can still work things out? I mean after all these issues with her settles...I’m definitely not going to stay with her again..”

I paused for a moment kind of disgusted he had the audacity ask me such a question

“Nah... never in a million years do I have the desire to want you again... go live your life and go be happy!”

Silence for a while then we changed subject

[Visualmon]

Now I see why your nickname was Rebel. 

[Rebel]

Now I see why your nickname was Rebel. 

[Rebel]

Morning convo w ex

“I got a new place...you can come and stay with me for as long as you want... perhaps move out here...you’re welcome here anytime...” he said over the phone

“thanks but I’m not interested in visiting  or looking to move anywhere else... and I wouldn’t want to live in the same dwelling as you...,” I said to him

“Well it’s just a thought... and pls think about it... We should work things out and you should really think about us being together..”

Something in the way he said that made me  felt nauseous in my soul like a signal my body was giving off...to let let me know  and remind myself of how far I’ve been and should never look back to what’s beneath me...

“I have...I don’t feel it in my self to want to work things out... look I gotta go, talk to you later”

I hung up before he can speak. All morning long I just feel gross about that morning conversation. Lately the ex  is doing everything he can to get back...trying to convince me to move...bribing me with stuff like bribing a kid with candy...he knows it won’t work on me.

Then he texted me. Asking when I’m planning to visit him and how long I’m planning to stay. Fool, that thought haven’t crossed my mind!

Why now the hell do men always try to come back when we’ve long gone and had moved the fuk on?

It’s all so late now...how you upgraded your life so much that you no longer can downgrade to be with someone whose no longer at your level...consid er all that he’s put me through.

[Rebel]

“I want to stay sober” I begged him
“You were when you came in the house,” he said
Oh but I mean like sober, sober for the entire day..?
“But we’re having so much fun!”

——-

By the way for Christmas, I didn’t give him any material gift! And I was glad he got me nothing lmao we kind of think alike...his Christmas gift from me was my presence  bc I have been gone for so long. His gift for me was his time and affection...

[Rebel]

And so it happened. He took me to meet three of his best friends. Boys who he grew up with and got in trouble with.....plus their wives....

When I got to his place he greeted me with a forehead kiss abs was already in the kitchen fixing my drink and packing shit into this backpack. He was  fumbling around in the kitchen  like a mother prepping her baby’s formula and baby supplies before going on a trip.

Then he got us a ride.

“Hurry up with your drink, our ride is almost here!”

I started chugging on the drink

“Where the duck are we going?”
“To my friends house...we’re going to a party”

“A party on a Monday?”

“Yeah”

Before I could say anything... our ride was parked outside so I set my cup down and he hurried me out the front door.

In side the car
“Why didn’t you inform me ahead of time that we were going to meet your friends..”

“I wanted to surprise you...I’ve gots all kinds of surprises..”

“ well, you could of told me, I could of dress better!”

“No you look fine....just letting you know we partied all day... I only went back home so I can pick you up and bring you here”

When we got to their house....all his friends came to greet us at the front door.

By that time I was already feeling kind of warm and tipsy inside.

We sat outside on the comfortable patio. And talked about all kinds of things, trails, national parks, dogs, gang banging, family life....

Then he came and stood next to me while facing his friends who were all sitting around the the table.

“I told all my friends about you and our first date... yeah they know which place we went to and what happened that night and how we meet...” he said to me.

I felt a little embarrassed and hoped he didn’t get into all the nitty gritty details, I would of been embarrassed. But he did. He told them how drunk we both were the night we meet lmao

Hours passed. It was time to go.
“So nice to meet you” we all said to each other as we all hugged each other. They all invited me to their New Years party celebration.

In the car:

“My friends like you... your coming with me to meet my family in XXXX. I want you to be there, I know you don’t know XXXX but I would love for you to be a part of it”

I was speechless... had he lost his mind? I sat quiet during the whole ride back.

[DuMa]

What I like is his willingness to share you with his friends and family.  It shows that he's at least be that real unless his friends are all bastards and his crew would bring other women into the picture and what not cuz the american culture, we tend to change hands quite often or we'll just bring them and say that she's or he's just a friend. 

What I don't like is him sharing you guy's stories with strangers...  unless he got that one person, a best friend that he is compelled to share what he found or got with them.  I got an ex that loves me to death.  I dumped her azz cuz well, we were young and she eff around with people that includes my friend as well but yeah, when i ran into her and her new friends again, her friends be coming up to me and say that "so you are that guy"  and I'm like quat da fawk?  she can't have me so now she gotta talk about me as the one that got away from her to her new best friend now?

But people don't just talk about you if they are not invested in you so it is a good thing on your part.  With him inviting you on holidays, that too is a good thing.  It could be anyone else but he chose you unless he's an azzhole like myself where I have slots during the day with different dates.   

I dunno.  Reading your stories, all of these stuff that been happening irks me for some reason.  A controlling freak on his part may sounds like it.  There is no flexibility like what if you don't want to do such and such and you are not comfortable with doing such and such and meet the rents, would he consider your feelings about that? 

Whatever you do, don't end up dead.   

[lilly]

Rebel, where have you been?  I miss reading your stuff.  But then I've been busy myself too.  That's nice that he took you to meet his friends.  Nice that he wants his family to meet you and vice versa.  That means he sees a future with you.  But that is weird that he likes to be high around you all the time.  Have you asked him why he drinks around you all the time?  Does it help him relax?  Does Rebel time mean being high time/relaxation time/unwind time to him?  Hmmm?

[lilly]

BTW, yeah, I agree with you.  With some relationships, nothing could ever convince me to go back to them.  Nope.  Ship has sailed.  Have a good life.  Let's all move on.

[Rebel]

What I like is his willingness to share you with his friends and family.  It shows that he's at least be that real unless his friends are all bastards and his crew would bring other women into the picture and what not cuz the american culture, we tend to change hands quite often or we'll just bring them and say that she's or he's just a friend. 

What I don't like is him sharing you guy's stories with strangers...  unless he got that one person, a best friend that he is compelled to share what he found or got with them.  I got an ex that loves me to death.  I dumped her azz cuz well, we were young and she eff around with people that includes my friend as well but yeah, when i ran into her and her new friends again, her friends be coming up to me and say that "so you are that guy"  and I'm like quat da fawk?  she can't have me so now she gotta talk about me as the one that got away from her to her new best friend now?

But people don't just talk about you if they are not invested in you so it is a good thing on your part.  With him inviting you on holidays, that too is a good thing.  It could be anyone else but he chose you unless he's an azzhole like myself where I have slots during the day with different dates.   

I dunno.  Reading your stories, all of these stuff that been happening irks me for some reason.  A controlling freak on his part may sounds like it.  There is no flexibility like what if you don't want to do such and such and you are not comfortable with doing such and such and meet the rents, would he consider your feelings about that? 

Whatever you do, don't end up dead.   

Lol that fools always be rushing me....he say he’s not controlling but is