The childless factor.....

[DuMa]

How can a couple marries one another and not wanting to have children?

I can understand if they waited it out for the right time but seeing 0 children down the line just confuses me even more. 

Congrats to Rosie O'Donnald on her wedding to another woman but still, even the homo has 5 adopted kids. 

[DuMa]

I get this ALL THE TIME because I choose to be child free!

They: When are you going to have kids?
Me: I don't want any
They: Why? You don't know what real love is unless you have children of your own
Me: I know what real love is, I love my husband, my family, my friends
They: You'll change your mind
Me: No, I know what I want and I don't want kids
They: But what if your husband want kids?
Me: We talked about it way before we even got into a serious relationship, we don't want kids
They: So you don't like kids?
Me: I'm the oldest of 10, I have many nieces and nephews, I love kids and a great Auntie to all of them, just don't want any of my own
They: You're just selfish
Me: Nothing selfish about knowing what I want and sticking to it then to conform to society. There are plenty of parents out there that can't provide a good home for their children, plenty of mom that abandon their child. I don't want to bring a child into this already messed up world.


Everyone is different, can't expect everyone to want the same thing in life. And happiness for someone does not necessarily mean happiness for someone else.   

Weird but i hear the same excuse coming from you like theirs too.  Kind of makes you think if your idea is unique or are you a Droid battling from the otherside  which defeats the purpose of following what other people may say. 

It is not a question of you wanting a kid but kids can't have kids.  You still a kid yourself and kids shouldn't be playing grown up games either.  I'd stay committed friendship if that was the case. 

[DuMa]

The right to have children is a personal one for each individuals and I do get it however, there is still the wise tale brought to you by them elders and I am not saying that their golden rule is right or wrong but I do say that they do make a point to be noted. 

A coworker of mine took his package of 50k for retiring this year.  Hes 62 and I would say he have lived the life before me.  He said he came to America to seek the American dream, one where no one handed him the handbook of life.  Cars he buy yes but houses he did not.  Now he is retiring with nothing and regretting not planning for his future. 

There is a point in his story and message here.  What if your so called life is not well thought out?  People I know that have a successful marriage all gone through these seminar where the counselor would test and drill them with questions to see if they are marriage and beyond ready.

My thought is this.  Having children is not a burden but an insurance policy on your behalf.  Now imagine our elders who are old and have no children of their own, what their life would be like without having someone like their own kids to watch out for.  I'm for sure your cousins are not going to babysit you for they have their own elders to cater to.  You will then be in an old people home with nobody to lift up your spirit. 

If you accept this then that's fine but always understand what you are getting yourself into. 

If I even pull up the math in regards to your age then things will get more scarier.  Like there is a cut off age where once you miss the train, you would have missed it. 

Even myself is worrisome.  My math shows me that the rate I'm going, I might not be able to see my grandkids. 

No one teaches this but the math don't lie.  Being old and die lonely should be a phobia. 

[DuMa]

Some say they are saving their virginity for marriage but really now, they are saving it for college.

You might end up with the unthinkable as there are babies in this world are a product of an accidental.  You Hmong?  You highly fertile.  Genetics don't tend to lie, especially when you came from a high litter. 

So instead of saying you don't want children.  Just say you are normal by trying but nothing yet.... for a very long time.

[DuMa]

We both do not have children of our own now.  My reasons to not wanting kids may be different than yours but the pressure is there for you since you are married. 

We can write big list to why it is not a good idea to have children but here's the thing.  Our lists, where did we get it from?  It is through observations in the real world but that also is our bias.  How do we know our kids will be brats if we never had kids in the first place?

Having children may definitely change a person unless you are like a kaydoo on the Maury show where kaydoo Don't care about his 10 kids by ten different baby Mamas.  To some, they are building a Mimi me version of themselves as to the fails in their life, they wanted their children to accomplish it.  It sounds like a lot but we can safely say that we will never know unless we are there. 

I just hope people know what they are getting themselves into and will not let remorse or regret gets to them at the later golden ages. 

I'm a good believing person and if a healthy normal person is able to have children like God's gift to men and I would say no thanks to God, I just can not see myself doing that. 

I just worry more about the psychological consequences that comes with not having children by choice.  I know that making the decision when being single is easier but when you are coupled up, it just gets harder. 

If you want to test your husband, asked him if it is ok for you to get a vasectomy and see what he'll say.  I'm concerning about him as well. 

You see, in life, if you are not a mother or a father then what are you?  You are then still a child and being a child needs more learning and training. 

[DuMa]

Then why get marry?  Your love is not strong enough thus why you are bonded by the married institution like is it suppose to lock the guy down from not straying.

It is like this.  You can be vegan but don't make your vegetables to look like beef.  You can be homo but don't be marrying each other and calling it a family of 2.  You can be childless, sexless or whatever but don't get marry . 

More reason why your Korean mother in law hate y'all Yom?

Stats do show that women handles this childless couple better than most men.  So the concern is not all about you but to him as well.  Perhaps he goes along just for your sake but I know one thing.  I stayed childless to play the field.  This article here talks about your husband. 


Childfree men are viewed as immature playboys
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/complete-without-kids/201203/childfree-men-misunderstood-and-often-maligned?amp

Well this article talks about the psychological consequences for men who are childless. 

https://www.psychreg.org/impact-male-involuntary-childlessness-part-1/

[DuMa]

Then why get marry?  Your love is not strong enough thus why you are bonded by the married institution like is it suppose to lock the guy down from not straying.

I married him because I love him, he's honest, and he's always there for me through bad and good. So explain to me all the married couple with kids that are out cheating behind their spouse's back? There's no guarantee when it comes to marriage that a person will remain faithful. Marriage doesn't lock anyone down, if person wants to cheat they will, if a person wants to leave they will regardless whether they're married with kids or not.     


It is like this.  You can be vegan but don't make your vegetables to look like beef.  You can be homo but don't be marrying each other and calling it a family of 2.  You can be childless, sexless or whatever but don't get marry . 

I don't judge, if someone want to be Vegan for health reasons and to better the world, great for them. Turn beet into beef if they must. A family is what you make of it, whether it's just the two of you or ten. A family is someone that will always be there for each other regardless of how tough life gets, a family is someone I can count on. What do you consider family? A husband, wife, and kids? So here's an example:

My cousin who is married to this guy for over 10 years has two boys. Her husband was caught cheating with his secretary. She choose to stay with him, sleeping in separate bedrooms. They don't communicate. Is this a marriage? Is this a family? My husband and I have a healthy loving relationship, but because we have no kids, you don't consider this family? You're so judgmental and just because people don't conform to your way of thinking then it's the wrong way, therefore you put them down. 

More reason why your Korean mother in law hate y'all Yom?

Wow! Didn't realize you're willing to stoop that low just because someone doesn't think the way you do. My mother in-law doesn't affect me in any way, she doesn't like anyone unless you're loaded with money, and you're either a doctor or lawyer, and Korean. She has no friends or family, her husband is out golfing all the time and they don't even talk. She wants to be filled with so much hatred, it's on her. She disowned her other son too because he's married to a Chinese woman. I can't go around pleasing everyone. I don't waste my days thinking about how I can make her happy and approve of me. Life is too short to surround myself with negative unpleasant people.     
 
Stats do show that women handles this childless couple better than most men.  So the concern is not all about you but to him as well.  Perhaps he goes along just for your sake but I know one thing.  I stayed childless to play the field.  This article here talks about your husband. 

Speaking as if you know my husband more then he know himself. My husband and I both don't want kids, I didn't convince him to not have kids. A real man is someone that will be there for me through bad and good, not whether he's a father. So this article also mentioned Brad Pitt with 6 kids. What happened to his marriage? Aren't they going through a custody battle right now? Oh wait...but they're married with kids, therefore that's a family and he's a real man.

Childfree men are viewed as immature playboys
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/complete-without-kids/201203/childfree-men-misunderstood-and-often-maligned?amp

Well this article talks about the psychological consequences for men who are childless. 

https://www.psychreg.org/impact-male-involuntary-childlessness-part-1/

Look at the case studies that you brought out.  I don't care about other people's failure.  That is your problem right there.  You drawing the energy from other people's failed marriage to your own if you follow their footsteps.  What about all the loving families out there that you failed to recognized as well.

Like I said before, results may varies and it is your own daymn fault in thinking that the world is jaded if you shall walk that lifestyle as well. 

I already said that your choice is your choice but I'm also noted your bias in viewing this childless in marriage stance.  If you really want to know how your cookies will crumble, just read on the testimonials of all the childless women who are in their late 50 because they have walked that line before.  The line you are walking on isn't a new revolutionary concept at all.  Psychological consequences is the key word to understand more.

Not my life but I'm just saying

[DuMa]

A real man is one who is not afraid to have children.  You're an atheist that is married to Jesus Christ.   

[DuMa]

There is a science behind your decision of going childless.  You atheist loves science right?

Well this thread alone already showed the amount of stress you are in and it comes with your way of life as other people will gawk at you and your husband or man child in going childless. 

 Around 4% of all couples remain involuntarily childless. These people often experience insufficient social support, which further aggravates the distress symptoms such as physical health problems, anxiety, depression and complicated grief.
https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/22/1/288/2939130

[DuMa]

My thoughts to end the week is this. 

We are not here to judge you.  According to the atheist doctrine, there is no law that says thou shalt not judge.

We are here to throw out the facts and to show you what your science is saying.  Now what you do from here on is up to you but I'd pray to the no God that I did not told you so. 

You have the last word if you want.   

[Believe_N_Me]

It really is pointless to get married if you don't plan on having kids and raising a family.

You're not committing yourself to anything real.

You don't need a marriage to be with each other if it's just going to be the two of you. You can make arrangements for another type of social contract so as to not appear like you're just shacking up.

Marriage is about raising a family and uniting two families.

Again, why consolidate assets if you're not going to raise a family? That is actually really stupid unless of course you're marrying someone whose much richer than you are.  I get it. But if you're the one making more then you're really stupid.

All these distorted definitions of marriage is making the world wacky and producing generations of wacky children.

[Believe_N_Me]

You don't need marriage. You can get a power of attorney for each other and include the other in your will.

Whatever it is, stop distorting marriage for your own amusement, people!

Marriage is a real thing with real meaning. Don't get into it if you don't plan to uphold the real definition and intent.

[DuMa]

You don't need marriage. You can get a power of attorney for each other and include the other in your will.

Whatever it is, stop distorting marriage for your own amusement, people!

Marriage is a real thing with real meaning. Don't get into it if you don't plan to uphold the real definition and intent.

What do children do?  They play make believe games like playing marriage and playing daddy mommy games without a child.  The difference is that we probably played that games too but we left it there at the bottle feeding school. 

Children I tell you.  They can't even distinguish between who's who's are backing them up and what not, saying I'm judgmental but if I was, I would include how chosen such life path is a selfish act.   Did I raise up such issue?  Nah.   People are going to gawk or giving them a stinky eye is a statement of fact.  It is unnatural to their choices.  It is like having a brain to think but decided not to think. 

I'm done talking to her but Im just wanted to level it out to you and the rest of us that there is definitely something weird going on with today's weirdness. 

Totally beyond traditional Hmong help.  If I were judgemental, I would go as far as saying that she's marrying outsider does not void her of not being Hmong stance.   

[DuMa]

What do children do?  They play make believe games like playing marriage and playing daddy mommy games without a child.  The difference is that we probably played that games too but we left it there at the bottle feeding school. 

LOL! We travel most of the time, exploring the world. Hiking or training at the gym when not traveling, We don't sit around at home all day playing mommy and daddy like you think. 


Children I tell you.  They can't even distinguish between who's who's are backing them up and what not, saying I'm judgmental but if I was, I would include how chosen such life path is a selfish act.   Did I raise up such issue?  Nah.   People are going to gawk or giving them a stinky eye is a statement of fact.  It is unnatural to their choices.  It is like having a brain to think but decided not to think. 

We back each other up. You talk about selfish act but yet you want to have children so they can take care of you when you're older and that you don't want to die alone. Anyone who doesn't conform to society is not natural to you, again, why do I care about what people think?
 
I'm done talking to her but Im just wanted to level it out to you and the rest of us that there is definitely something weird going on with today's weirdness.

You're done talking to me but keep coming back for more.

Totally beyond traditional Hmong help.  If I were judgemental, I would go as far as saying that she's marrying outsider does not void her of not being Hmong stance.   

Wow, judgmental and narrow minded! And he claim to believe in GOD. I embrace my culture, have no shame in being HMONG. But the decision to be childless has nothing to do with my HMONG culture. It's a personal choice. I didn't realize having babies is a tradition? Again, some people who are eager to procreate shouldn't.

I did not quote you but believe in me.  I was talking to her not you so stop acting like you and your childless crusade are entitled to something here. 

I only replied to this one cuz obviously you are rude and need to calm the fawk down.  Your unimportant life story is not important here

I did not say that your choice in life needs any acceptance from your Hmong traditional for approval.  Hmong are known to have a big family but what the hell happened to you?

I don't bring up God's teaching when talking to you did I?  If I did, how about the biblical verse to go forth and travel and don't have children, don't go forth and multiple and don't pass go. 

So you travel but no matter where you travel, you will see more cultures that supports children, running around and playing but non for you. 

Where the rest of the Hmong people at?  Voice up your opinions America. 

[DuMa]

You don't need marriage. You can get a power of attorney for each other and include the other in your will.

Whatever it is, stop distorting marriage for your own amusement, people!

Marriage is a real thing with real meaning. Don't get into it if you don't plan to uphold the real definition and intent.

I'm trying to find some positive into this whole mess.  I can only think of one. 

The Darwinism award. 

Don't need to procreate to bring more people like herself into the next generation.