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Author Topic: Paternal DNA Testing...oh, my!!!  (Read 431 times)

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Offline Succubus

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Paternal DNA Testing...oh, my!!!
« on: December 21, 2018, 12:09:27 AM »
By brother was married for 7 years and did not have any kids. His ex cheated on him and he found out. Six months after she left, she gave birth to a mixed baby. Now, she has 4 kids by 3 different fathers.

My brother found a lovely Hmong girl and married her. This was two years after his divorce. Today, he has two kids, son (3) and daughter (1). During Thanksgiving, he bought a paternal DNA kit to test his two kids. The result just came back two days ago.  He is excluded as being the father of both those kids! 

During his first marriage, it was discovered he has a low sperm count.  He and his ex talked about adoption, but that relationship did not work out. Now he is raising two kids that are not his. Being his older sister, he broke the news to me two days ago. He is absolutely crushed with the DNA result. He has decided to stay and play his role. Only my brother and I know of this secret. His reason is that he loves children and this is no different then adopting. He is turning 40 next year and does not want to engage in the single's life. They are both working professionals. By all accounts, my sister-in-law is a great person. Even I would never suspect this from her. My brother is resolved to stay and raise those two kids like his own. I know the trust issue will hurt him but I support his decision to stay, as long as he can still find joy.

I know your thoughts and comments will not change his mind, but I would like to hear some of your HONEST opinions. Thanks.



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Offline theking

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Re: Paternal DNA Testing...oh, my!!!
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2018, 01:00:00 AM »
It pretty much comes down to your brother, and as you put it, "as long as he can still find joy". With no real knowledge of the details of their relationship, and just basing on what you wrote, I on the other hand would likely leave that woman because she broke the "trust" between us but would probably still play a role in raising those two kids depending on how strong the attachment/bond is...



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Offline ZDN

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Re: Paternal DNA Testing...oh, my!!!
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2018, 08:15:48 AM »
i commend your brother for having a big heart, however, I hope his heart will still be as big when he has a 3rd child.  as much as he want the relationship, he should confront the lies: challenge the dna testing, first (retake) and then challenge his wife's heart to make sure it wants the same thing as he does (before making the commitment). at the end, it is nobody's sob story but his. 



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Offline Reporter

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Re: Paternal DNA Testing...oh, my!!!
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2018, 08:29:52 AM »
Does he find joy?

And how old are those kids?


By brother was married for 7 years and did not have any kids. His ex cheated on him and he found out. Six months after she left, she gave birth to a mixed baby. Now, she has 4 kids by 3 different fathers.

My brother found a lovely Hmong girl and married her. This was two years after his divorce. Today, he has two kids, son (3) and daughter (1). During Thanksgiving, he bought a paternal DNA kit to test his two kids. The result just came back two days ago.  He is excluded as being the father of both those kids! 

During his first marriage, it was discovered he has a low sperm count.  He and his ex talked about adoption, but that relationship did not work out. Now he is raising two kids that are not his. Being his older sister, he broke the news to me two days ago. He is absolutely crushed with the DNA result. He has decided to stay and play his role. Only my brother and I know of this secret. His reason is that he loves children and this is no different then adopting. He is turning 40 next year and does not want to engage in the single's life. They are both working professionals. By all accounts, my sister-in-law is a great person. Even I would never suspect this from her. My brother is resolved to stay and raise those two kids like his own. I know the trust issue will hurt him but I support his decision to stay, as long as he can still find joy.

I know your thoughts and comments will not change his mind, but I would like to hear some of your HONEST opinions. Thanks.



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Offline YAX

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Re: Paternal DNA Testing...oh, my!!!
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2018, 08:56:29 AM »
By brother was married for 7 years and did not have any kids. His ex cheated on him and he found out. Six months after she left, she gave birth to a mixed baby. Now, she has 4 kids by 3 different fathers.

My brother found a lovely Hmong girl and married her. This was two years after his divorce. Today, he has two kids, son (3) and daughter (1). During Thanksgiving, he bought a paternal DNA kit to test his two kids. The result just came back two days ago.  He is excluded as being the father of both those kids! 

During his first marriage, it was discovered he has a low sperm count.  He and his ex talked about adoption, but that relationship did not work out. Now he is raising two kids that are not his. Being his older sister, he broke the news to me two days ago. He is absolutely crushed with the DNA result. He has decided to stay and play his role. Only my brother and I know of this secret. His reason is that he loves children and this is no different then adopting. He is turning 40 next year and does not want to engage in the single's life. They are both working professionals. By all accounts, my sister-in-law is a great person. Even I would never suspect this from her. My brother is resolved to stay and raise those two kids like his own. I know the trust issue will hurt him but I support his decision to stay, as long as he can still find joy.

I know your thoughts and comments will not change his mind, but I would like to hear some of your HONEST opinions. Thanks.
He is right to continue raising those kids as his own.  As far as they know, he's their father and they're his kids so they will love him when he's old and take care of him when no one else wants to.  As for his wife, if they love each other, they will have a lot to work out.



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Offline DuMa

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Re: Paternal DNA Testing...oh, my!!!
« Reply #5 on: December 26, 2018, 04:20:18 PM »
One mistake, ok he can play his role but 2?

If y'all thinking that he should stay because of the kids then he will be a great man if he can do that but my conventional wisdom will say that them kids will be ok without him around.  They will still have their mother and the kids will deserve the truth. 

I wouldn't stay after two.  For what he has gone through, I'll go on my own and never get marry again.  I'll fawk and run if knowing that I'm unable to Foster my own child. 

In life, if they give you lemons, you don't just make lemonade, you ask them to give you sugar because the water is free and your drinks will be a tad better had it was sweater. 




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Offline Tajo

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Re: Paternal DNA Testing...oh, my!!!
« Reply #6 on: January 03, 2019, 06:51:25 PM »
pretty sad.. i wouldnt want to stay with an unfaithful spouse. 



Offline YAX

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Re: Paternal DNA Testing...oh, my!!!
« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2019, 08:25:30 AM »
One mistake, ok he can play his role but 2?

If y'all thinking that he should stay because of the kids then he will be a great man if he can do that but my conventional wisdom will say that them kids will be ok without him around.  They will still have their mother and the kids will deserve the truth. 

I wouldn't stay after two.  For what he has gone through, I'll go on my own and never get marry again.  I'll fawk and run if knowing that I'm unable to Foster my own child. 

In life, if they give you lemons, you don't just make lemonade, you ask them to give you sugar because the water is free and your drinks will be a tad better had it was sweater.
Why leave when you can stay and just date other women at the same time?



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Offline thePoster

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Re: Paternal DNA Testing...oh, my!!!
« Reply #8 on: January 04, 2019, 05:37:57 PM »
Maybe she just wanted to give him what he wanted.



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I went through all 15k posts and those 2 quotes I found were the only ones so I guess that would make it "everytime".  Feel free to go through all 15k posts and verify by quoting them all.  You need to quote them all to verifying prove "everytime".   Please verify that Im wrong.

Offline YAX

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Re: Paternal DNA Testing...oh, my!!!
« Reply #9 on: January 07, 2019, 10:27:27 AM »
he stays, not for her, but for himself.  He can treat her badly, cheat on her, etc. but if he treats the kids right, they'll grow up knowing a supportive and loving father and they'll want to help him when he's old and needs the help.  When you're old, that's when having kids really matter.  If he's mean to them now, they'll hate him and not wanna help him when he's older and he can't have any kids of his own so no one will help him.  It's hard to be a sad old man with no one to care for you or come visit you when you're lonely.



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Offline autumnbreeze

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Re: Paternal DNA Testing...oh, my!!!
« Reply #10 on: January 10, 2019, 10:27:49 PM »
as for staying and being the father of the kids, he has made the right decision. since he cannot have kids, raising these kids will be the same as adoption like you said. so makes no difference. however, as for remaining married to the cheater wife, i personally wouldn't stay married. one, she cheated on him. even though she gave him two kids, there were resulted from her cheating. two, she did it twice, she will do it twice and another twice. and three, since you and your brother decided to conceal the truth from her, she will think that you guys don't know and will continue to cheat. i can adopt others' kids as my own and love as my own, but i cannot remain married to a cheater knowing she/he will most likely cheat on my again. these are some of the options, in my personal opinion, that he has:

1. he could either hide the truth forever and suffer the silent pain. if she cheats again and have another kid, he will have to continue being dumb.

2. tell her the truth and exposed her cheating ways so she knows that he knows. hopefully she will stop and hopefully they will live happily ever after. and do let her know that he is willing to love the kids as his own so she won't have doubts.

3. if after he exposes her and she decides to leave him, then oh well. what can he do. you can't make someone stay when she/he doesn't want to.

honestly, if he were my brother, i would tell him to confront her. i never want anyone to live a life of lies and suffer silently.



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Offline Believe_N_Me

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Re: Paternal DNA Testing...oh, my!!!
« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2019, 01:02:14 AM »
The more important question is:

"When will the children be told the truth?"

Every human being deserves to know where they came from and are entitled to know the identities of their biological parents.

I know people who never knew the identity of a biological parent and it killed them inside. It would be like having a child go missing and never knowing what became of him/her.



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Offline floaty

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Re: Paternal DNA Testing...oh, my!!!
« Reply #12 on: March 01, 2019, 03:21:36 AM »
Damnnnn 2 kids, 3 and 1... That's a long time to be cheating on your spouse. I would be completely crushed. 40 is still young. Sorry man. I could not, would not be able to stay even if I should to show that i am one of the parent.



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