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Author Topic: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child  (Read 11860 times)

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Offline theking

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Re: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child
« Reply #15 on: March 06, 2019, 12:06:26 AM »
Imagine how she feels regardless of whether you guys are doing it because you want to see her or "just for show." Now imagine how she would feel if all of a sudden you refuse to let your siblings fly her out to visit them.

Couldn't "Imagine" anything remotely close to doing things for her "just for show" as we all know how much she has sacrificed for us so the very least we can do is return as much of the genuine love back to her as possible. As hard as we try, I don't think we could ever repay her 100 percent.

And also couldn't "imagine" anything remotely close to "refuse to let your siblings...." as we all love her the same and visit her as much as possible so that thought is not even on our mind. She has also express how lucky of a mother she is but we are actually the lucky ones to have her raised and guide us. Very thankful, my siblings and I are not going through the family drama my friend and his family is going through..



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Offline Gucci K

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Re: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child
« Reply #16 on: March 06, 2019, 09:05:12 AM »
That's the thing, my friend's parents had no favorite as they love all their children the same. With that said, my friend ended up with the least amount of support as his parents already spent most of their resources on the older siblings i.e., cars, education, weddings, etc.,..Not to mention time and energy to help them with babysitting the grand kids and such. Plus, as they aged, they have more health issues too ... so my friend has to do even more for them.

I agree that as much as it hurts seeing his parents cried, all he can do is let his older siblings know about it but can't force them to visit or call as they are adults and should know better anyways. I told him that his parents should reject those "for show" honoring parents type of functions as it's not pure and genuine based on the information he disclosed to me. His parents should also be upfront to others in the community when they asked about their children like who really cares and loves them and who doesn't ...Forget about faking their mental pain by protecting their children's uncaring "face"... :knuppel2:

Man, after that conversation with my friend, I'm just glad and very grateful that my siblings and I are not like that. We all visit our mother and offer to go pick her up and/or fly her over to visit us and for as often and as long as she likes.  O0
to reject a good gesture is turning you back on the help/attention you desire.  if one is not genuine in the deeds they do, they would not do it at all. 

it is appropriate in the hmong culture to honor thy parents by throwing a hu plig/khi tes or a celebration of some sort.  your advice to have the parents refute and/or reject the good deed and rather shame their kids (to the community??  :idiot2:) is ill advised.  Good parents do not need to make their children show who loves/cares for them more...it isn't a competition.  they just need to know who's going to be present when the time comes.  If the parents humiliate their off springs to the public, they're simply shaming themselves because they raised them (you're probably a bad parent that is why you're kids are bad). 

your best advice to your friend is to remind him to be grateful to have parents that are still alive...love and care for them, to the best of his ability and a little of life insurance, won't hurt either.



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Offline theking

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Re: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child
« Reply #17 on: March 06, 2019, 11:13:19 PM »
to reject a good gesture is turning you back on the help/attention you desire.  if one is not genuine in the deeds they do, they would not do it at all.

Not surprised to see someone that proudly supports lies and fakes also think that faking love for show is "a good gesture"...Sure your parents are happy with your fake love towards them but that's not the case my friend's parents.

Quote
it is appropriate in the hmong culture to honor thy parents by throwing a hu plig/khi tes or a celebration of some sort.  your advice to have the parents refute and/or reject the good deed and rather shame their kids (to the community??  :idiot2:) is ill advised.  Good parents do not need to make their children show who loves/cares for them more...it isn't a competition.  they just need to know who's going to be present when the time comes.  If the parents humiliate their off springs to the public, they're simply shaming themselves because they raised them (you're probably a bad parent that is why you're kids are bad). 

your best advice to your friend is to remind him to be grateful to have parents that are still alive...love and care for them, to the best of his ability and a little of life insurance, won't hurt either.

You not being able to comprehend the point of this situation shows how much of a DUNCE you are  :idiot2:...and nope, the "public" already know how good of parents they are by witnessing the sacrificed they've made for their children especially the older ones over the years such as making big purchases, paying for their education and weddings.

And my friend is already taking care of his parents to the best of this ability and putting his life on hold so he can just focus on taking care of his aging and in bad health parents..but I'm not surprised you missed all those info in this thread... :idiot2: :idiot2:



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Offline Gucci K

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Re: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child
« Reply #18 on: March 07, 2019, 08:19:06 AM »
^^^ LOL  :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:

Friends don't give friends bad advice, especially when the advice given will jeopardizes their family's relationship.

because your boyfriend don't have time for you and no money for the parent's ceremony, maybe you contribute on his behalf...that's what a real good boyfriend would do! ha!





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Offline theking

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Re: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child
« Reply #19 on: March 07, 2019, 02:27:29 PM »
^^^ LOL  :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:

Friends don't give friends bad advice, especially when the advice given will jeopardizes their family's relationship.

because your boyfriend don't have time for you and no money for the parent's ceremony, maybe you contribute on his behalf...that's what a real good boyfriend would do! ha!

What's that? You still love pulling back your master/"boyfriend" Trump's foreskin way back so you don't miss any of his semen around the gland of his penis as you run the tip of your tongue around it The Trump Penis Worshiper??

Go for it, more Trump's semen power to you... ;D ;D ;D

Sounds about right for someone that proudly supports lies and fakes and think returning fake love to his own parents is a "good gesture"...so nothing "new" here.. ;D



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Offline Gucci K

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Re: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child
« Reply #20 on: March 08, 2019, 08:47:36 AM »
^^^LOL...Oh No! theking is foaming with semen, at the mouth...again! 



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Offline theking

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Re: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child
« Reply #21 on: March 08, 2019, 12:43:50 PM »
^^^LOL...Oh No! theking is foaming with semen, at the mouth...again!

"Oh No!" The DUNCE Trump's penis worshiper that proudly supports lies and fakes loves the "foaming" effects as his master/"boyfriend" Trump's "semen" swim around every inch of his tongue, throat, and "mouth"...The highlight of his days is being able to pull his master/"boyfriend" Trump's foreskin down as far as he can to expose the whole penile gland, and stretch his master trump's wrinkled scrotum as wide as he can so no semen can escape his mouth, tongue and throat...

Then he runs home like a phagget to his mommy and give her some fake love by kissing her her on the cheek with his Trump semen lathered lips and say it's a "good gesture"... ;D ;D ;D



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Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child
« Reply #22 on: March 08, 2019, 12:59:30 PM »
Depends is the best answer to this thread ;D ;D ;D ;D



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Offline dogmai

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Re: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child
« Reply #23 on: March 09, 2019, 03:59:33 AM »
That's not what his parents "wants" because they also know it's not "genuine" but they don't have the heart to speak up. More reasons why his parents need be upfront and let his older siblings know how they really feel about these just for "show" or "face" events.

And nope, no "tears of joy" as his parents also know it's fake. After the event, they have no problems expressing their complaints to my friend of how they really feel because he's their care provider and the only child that they feel still care about them. Which is why his parents gotta stop holding the pressure in and be upfront and release some pressures by rejecting those events unless it's genuine. They can secretly complain to my friend all they want but don't think it'll do much...It should to come straight from them. That way they'll know sure if their other children really give a damn by visiting more or not as action is more important than words.

My friend is caught in the middle so this family drama is stress that he doesn't need.

Those two comments are contradicting. If they still need confirmation whether their other children cares about them then how do they know that the events are fakes? With more information being added now, the problem might not be so clear. I'm not saying that I am correct,  but it seems like it is your friend, who has a problem with his siblings and not the parents.

Action is more important than words? It depends. Many times it is , but it isn't the "rule" especially in this situation. We as humans are a social species. We interact with each language through the usage of our actions and words. Sometimes words are just used for making excuses, telling lies, etc, and don't mean how the person really feels. In this case, the actions may be more important than words. But other times, words may be more important than actions. Because many times, we misinterpret someone's actions, and that's when words are needed to explain what the individual actually feels.

The parents are complaining about their children, and yet, they are still allowing them to do events. Their actions are showing that they do want the events. And that is what their actions are telling their children. But if they need to their children otherwise, their words are more important.

.....That's not what his parents "wants" because they also know it's not "genuine" but they don't have the heart to speak up. ....
How do you, or your friend, know if that's not what the parents want? Whether or not the parents know that it's not "genuine", is irrelevant. It has nothing to do with what they want.

To me, this all seems to be more on how your friend feels, and not particularly about what his parents feel. And he is just using his siblings' actions as a way of justification for how he feels about the unfairness in his family, more specifically, he being treated unfairly.



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Luna

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Re: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child
« Reply #24 on: March 10, 2019, 11:26:59 PM »
All of my siblings live in the same state as my siblings.  I'm the only one who moved away.  Because of this, I always feel like I need to contribute more when it comes to family functions because I'm not there for their day to day needs.  I've also made it known that I wouldn't be hurt if my parents didn't leave me anything.  Although I've also made it known that my parents need to leave something to my sisters who take care of all their needs even though they are married and out of the house.  I understand the hmong way, but if my brothers follow the hmong way and stepped up, I wouldn't have to say this. 

But it all comes down to what your friend is willing to put up with.  He has resigned himself to that position and has not spoken up for himself.  I'm sure if he made it known that he has already made a huge sacrifice, they will understand.  If they don't, it's their problem, not his.  He shouldn't have to shoulder everything by himself. 



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Offline theking

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Re: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child
« Reply #25 on: March 11, 2019, 12:23:59 AM »
Those two comments are contradicting. If they still need confirmation whether their other children cares about them then how do they know that the events are fakes? With more information being added now, the problem might not be so clear. I'm not saying that I am correct,  but it seems like it is your friend, who has a problem with his siblings and not the parents.

Nope it's not contracting. If they don't want it, they just have to speak up and be honest about it. It's fake because the older children are doing it to protect their own reputations so  the community don't shame them as the community also know how much their parents have sacrificed for them over the years when they needed their parents support. They drive to the event spot to take care of business and once the event is over, they don't even stop by the parents'' place before going back to their own home. The parents are the ones that are really hurt because they also know it's for show but they don't have heart to speak up. But rather complain and cry to my friend once the event is over..Which is why the parents need to speak up and be honest of how they really feel about it.

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Action is more important than words? It depends. Many times it is , but it isn't the "rule" especially in this situation. We as humans are a social species. We interact with each language through the usage of our actions and words. Sometimes words are just used for making excuses, telling lies, etc, and don't mean how the person really feels. In this case, the actions may be more important than words. But other times, words may be more important than actions. Because many times, we misinterpret someone's actions, and that's when words are needed to explain what the individual actually feels.

All talk, no walk is not good...especia lly fake ones.

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The parents are complaining about their children, and yet, they are still allowing them to do events. Their actions are showing that they do want the events. And that is what their actions are telling their children. But if they need to their children otherwise, their words are more important.

Yep, that's why I said, they need to be upfront and reject it...

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.....That's not what his parents "wants" because they also know it's not "genuine" but they don't have the heart to speak up. ....
How do you, or your friend, know if that's not what the parents want? Whether or not the parents know that it's not "genuine", is irrelevant. It has nothing to do with what they want.

The way they complain to my friend behind closed doors..

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To me, this all seems to be more on how your friend feels, and not particularly about what his parents feel. And he is just using his siblings' actions as a way of justification for how he feels about the unfairness in his family, more specifically, he being treated unfairly.

His parents are the ones crying and complaining to him. Which is why I suggested that his parents need to speak up, be honest and reject these fake events if it's just going to cause more pain...



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Offline theking

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Re: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child
« Reply #26 on: March 11, 2019, 12:34:23 AM »
All of my siblings live in the same state as my siblings.  I'm the only one who moved away.  Because of this, I always feel like I need to contribute more when it comes to family functions because I'm not there for their day to day needs.  I've also made it known that I wouldn't be hurt if my parents didn't leave me anything.  Although I've also made it known that my parents need to leave something to my sisters who take care of all their needs even though they are married and out of the house.  I understand the hmong way, but if my brothers follow the hmong way and stepped up, I wouldn't have to say this. 

But it all comes down to what your friend is willing to put up with.  He has resigned himself to that position and has not spoken up for himself.  I'm sure if he made it known that he has already made a huge sacrifice, they will understand.  If they don't, it's their problem, not his.  He shouldn't have to shoulder everything by himself.

He shouldn't have to speak up as they already seen how much he's doing for his and their parents already and they know his resources as a care provider. From the information I gathered, even if he speaks up, I don't think they care. Keep in mind that spending 5 minutes on the phone with their parents is already too much to ask. Also based on the information disclosed to me, the only reason why they are throwing these fake events is to protect their own reputations as the community have also seen how much their parents have sacrificed for them when they needed them over the years. Every time they do these fake events, the parents complain and cry more to my friend but he can't do much about it as his siblings are older and should know better. Which is why I suggest the parents speak up, be honest and reject these fake events that will just cause more pain for them...and when the members of the community asked, just be honest...



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Offline dogmai

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Re: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child
« Reply #27 on: March 13, 2019, 02:59:54 PM »
Couldn't "Imagine" anything remotely close to doing things for her "just for show" as we all know how much she has sacrificed for us so the very least we can do is return as much of the genuine love back to her as possible. As hard as we try, I don't think we could ever repay her 100 percent.

And also couldn't "imagine" anything remotely close to "refuse to let your siblings...." as we all love her the same and visit her as much as possible so that thought is not even on our mind. She has also express how lucky of a mother she is but we are actually the lucky ones to have her raised and guide us. Very thankful, my siblings and I are not going through the family drama my friend and his family is going through..

But that was what you're telling your friend to do.



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Offline theking

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Re: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child
« Reply #28 on: March 13, 2019, 08:56:35 PM »
But that was what you're telling your friend to do.

Nope, didn't tell my friend to do that ("refusing to let" his siblings visit the parents) so you're wrong on that...I told him that if his parents are hurt by the way his older siblings do things just for show to protect their own reputations or for whatever selfish reasons, they (the parents) need to speak up, be honest and reject those for "face" event instead of complaining to him about it behind close doors afterward. The parents don't have the heart to speak up but if they do, their words should have more impact than my friend relaying the message to his older siblings like a messenger. If the parents continue to partake even thought it hurts, they also have themselves to blame ...Simply put: only the parents can really stop the pain that are bothering them and have some closure from it.



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Offline DuMa

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Re: How do you feel about this especially those that are the last child
« Reply #29 on: March 13, 2019, 09:26:58 PM »
Now put your own foot into the situation.  Kids are all grown up, you are retired, what is it that you expect out of your kids?

The right answer for me is absolutely nothing.  My job as a father is done once my kids have wings to fly.  If they want to visit me or come back to the nest, the door is wide open but i will not expect them to visit me and worry about me.  It is all optional.  Why?

Cuz kids in America behave differently so it all depends on what school of thought you want to live your life with.

If anything, I want my kids to visit their kids and their wife.  Build up their own foundation and stop expecting from people.  You will be disappointed if you expect people to behave the way you want them to behave and not getting it. 



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