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Author Topic: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?  (Read 8501 times)

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Offline DuMa

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Re: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?
« Reply #15 on: March 28, 2019, 06:47:48 PM »
One thing to look out for.  Love on a one way street. 

There goes this one Chinese chick during my college years.  I intro her to my boys and they all telling me that she looks weird.  I agreed but she got the goods.  She gave me everything I ever wanted.  Showed up to my dorm with a bag full of Kenneth Cole stuff cuz she so happens to be at the mall.  I don't even hold her hand and once she tries to touch my hand, I flinched.  That there shows love in a one way street.  I couldn't fake it anymore.  As soon as I found new booty, i let her go cuz I felt bad.  She then became my stalker but that's another story.

What comes around goes around.  I gave her my all.  She in turns milked me for all I'm worth.  She got a job but never offers to pay for nothing.  Even a simple McDonald's 99 cents drink through the drive through window cuz that was all that I ordered. 

So yeah, love in a one way street is toxic to me. 



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Offline theking

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Re: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?
« Reply #16 on: March 29, 2019, 02:49:34 AM »
uh.. asking for clarity is key in understanding one's statements and beliefs.  I'll take your response here to mean you either never ask for clarity or further details or you're just making the statement out of spite and you would from time to time ask questions to gain a deeper discussion about the topics.   I have a feeling the second reason is the most likely reason you're replying this way to my line of questioning.  I bet anyone who reads the thread would agree with my opinion on the matter as well (except you, ofcourse, because agreeing would mean admitting guilt and based on your post history, that's pretty difficult for you to do).

You asked for "clarity" by saying this: "Wouldn't that make you the toxic one?" ..."or is that on you?" even though both responses are pretty much self-explanatory??

If I claimed "don't know" like you did on your other thread that I brought it up, I would not question those that have replied and their answers but say thank you.

What's "difficult for you to do" is take ownership of your wrongs and learn from it even when FACTS are provided kind of like when Trump said, "Tim Apple" ....Or abide by your words and thus, make it worthless...



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Offline theking

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Re: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?
« Reply #17 on: March 29, 2019, 02:50:46 AM »
if you really had to ask, then you already are.

 ;D ;D ;D



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Offline YAX

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Re: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?
« Reply #18 on: March 29, 2019, 10:24:16 AM »
You asked for "clarity" by saying this: "Wouldn't that make you the toxic one?" ..."or is that on you?" even though both responses are pretty much self-explanatory??

If I claimed "don't know" like you did on your other thread that I brought it up, I would not question those that have replied and their answers but say thank you.

What's "difficult for you to do" is take ownership of your wrongs and learn from it even when FACTS are provided kind of like when Trump said, "Tim Apple" ....Or abide by your words and thus, make it worthless...
Nice try. Wrong but nice try.



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Offline tRouBLe

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Re: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?
« Reply #19 on: March 29, 2019, 11:41:55 AM »
This makes me remember, back when I was young, I had a black friend.  He dated this one white girl and I thought they were good together. She'd talk nice and smile at all of us and it was okay because we were friends and he knew he could trust me and my brothers.  We were family.  One day, we were in line at the cashier in a small convenience store and this Mexican guy walked up behind his girlfriend, who was behind me, and said "Hi" to her and she gave him a smile back and said "hi".  My buddy just walked straight out of the store.  She dropped all her things and walked out after him.  I sensed something was wrong and quickly paid for my items and walked out after them to see what was going on.  He started walking down the street and she was following him saying "What's wrong? Tyson! What's wrong?" and I followed.  He stopped, she caught up, he turned around and just punched her really hard in the chest.  I was shocked.   This was all because she smiled at the other guy and said hi back.  They eventually broke up after that because he was so jealous of her.

In this situation, he’s mainly the problem.  He’s insecure and violent in the relationship.  No one should be striking the other, no matter how angry one gets.....but there are certain exceptions and we know what those exceptions are.



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Offline DuMa

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Re: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?
« Reply #20 on: March 29, 2019, 11:56:24 AM »
Saw a case last night at the mango Hmong party in Sacramento. 

Couple was Mexican at the bar buying drinks.  While the girl was waiting for her man to buy a drink, a kaydoo guy looking like post Malone walked up and took her hand and lead her to the dance floor.  My MN cuz cracked up saying that kaydoo from Cali is ruthless.  Her man was a chump so another guy stole her from him.  Mexican chick probably wanna size his penis up cuz I know how it is with women.  It is not just a dance.  It is more than that if it is the freak a leak dance move.  So she was thirsty to see how big that kaydoo is packing without getting pregnant. 

By the end of the night, the Mex couple were see leaving together.  I guess as long as you go home together, no harm no foul.  The club is a weird game these days. 

Also, I'm not impressed with the clubbing fashion trend in women these days.  But that's another topic.   :2funny:



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Offline YAX

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Re: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?
« Reply #21 on: March 29, 2019, 12:22:41 PM »
Some women are meant to be shared. She's probably one of them.



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Offline theking

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Re: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?
« Reply #22 on: March 29, 2019, 05:12:51 PM »
Nice try. Wrong but nice try.

Don't even have to try as you're back pedaling from your "Wrong" as usual...Just pointing out the facts!!!



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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?
« Reply #23 on: June 21, 2019, 03:38:26 PM »
A light writing about the signs of a abusive relationship.

I will say that the signs listed or any of these signs from the other person while in that relationship, is already stating that it is an Abusive Relationship. As listed description the acts have been committed and the signs are what we need to read. If anything else, these are the signs of personality that surfaces from the relationship. While early in the relationship with this person, some of these signs could have surfaced, but being in the relationship we tend to overlook and give that person the benefit of the doubt. We have already been deceived by sign #1. Intensity. They bombard us and win us over with their charm and sweetness. They give us lots of attention making us feel like we have become someone important to them and that they truly care about us. We tell ourselves that this is normal. In fact it is normal for any relationship at the start. It's the excessive occurrences that is the warning sign. Sign #2 Jealousy. Now if that surfaces immediately following #1, again only a sign. A little of it is normal. Now excessive it is the warning sign. We often mistook that as someone who is passionate about us. When we overlook that, it opens up to #3 Control. In a relationship, we both influence each other. The problem now is that it begins to become one sided. There are conditions or requirements that suddenly surfaces. Things like the other person saying that they did one thing for you and now that you are obligated to do all these other things to reciprocate. The control factor is being used to chain us now. That makes it easy for them to move onto sign #4 Isolation. Again an influential thing like we need to get away from here. We need to move to a place of our own. This is accomplished by them selectively employing 1,2, and 3 to manipulate us. Once 4 is accomplished we find out the personality of this person shows, #5 Criticism, #6 Sabotage, #7 Blame, #8 Anger. I will also like to add #9 Manipulation. It ties it all together. They make promises to change to manipulate us. Then they cycle through 1-4 again caging us. They repeatedly use 5-8 to reinforce 1-4. How do we then prevent ourselves from this? We need to learn a self awareness to being more relationship intelligent. If we perceive something is wrong, follow our gut instincts. If we detect traces of incongruity in their personality, we should see it for what it really is. We survived just fine before them, we can survive without them afterwards.



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline VillainousHero

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Re: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?
« Reply #24 on: June 22, 2019, 02:09:08 PM »
A light writing about the signs of a indulgent relationship

Here again we look at relationship from looking at our own reflection.  The causation as to why we often find a person in their own toxic relationship, more so to be described as self-indulgent.  It is the idea of loving love itself.  It is the idea that romance should be like fantasies, movies, novels, etc.,...These are all very normal occurrences that happens while dating or even before the actual dating experiences.

1.Intensity.  Feeding the feeling of romance.  A person watches romance entertainment.  They recall romance fairy tales like Cinderella, Snow White, Aladdin, etc.,.. A person also beautifies themselves excessively.
2.Jealousy.  Fueling that envious behavior.  A natural feeling that a person wants what another person has.  Also seeking attention either by knowing or convincing oneself that they are better than another person.
3.Control. There are things that we can control and things we can't control.  The choices this person makes is about influencing another individual or perhaps their social standing.  This person is seeking to be the attention of the individual or audience.
4.Isolation. At this point, it is ever self convincing periods this person spends while in isolation.  Example like, "Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all."
5.Criticism. After 1-4 are routine behaviors, criticism emerges.  Most often it is directed at the intended person.  Other times, it is to play victim to influence empathy, sympathy, or even pity.  It is many times all about feeding one's ego, many times a passive aggressive behavior.
6.Sabotage. Doing things to make the other person experience difficulties.  This goes beyond jealousy.  It is engaging in the acts that is influence by jealousy, criticism, and control.
7.Blame. Directing faults everything around you or even to that other person.  Making them feel guilty, through the acts of jealousy, criticism, and sabotage.
8.Anger. The outbursts of mood swings typically aggressive behavior.  Also a very aggressive slam of jealousy.  A shocking passive aggressive attack.

9.Regression.  I am adding this to tie in all this to depict the signs as this person cycles through them.  The regression behavior often surfaces to the back to a time when "I" loved you so much.  "I" did all of this because I only wanted to be loved.  It's where you can't get a reaction out of this person once they're in their shell mode.

These are some warning signs of the person who you are dating, in a relationship with, or even observing it in someone else.  Sometimes you may even have to apply it to yourself.  For most people, they will not cross over to the excessive compulsive spectrum of this.  Just be cautious of those individuals who are often labelled as narcissists.  If you see the signs of 1-4, watch out for signs of 5-8.


« Last Edit: June 22, 2019, 02:11:12 PM by VillainousHero »

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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline VillainousHero

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Re: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?
« Reply #25 on: June 24, 2019, 04:11:49 AM »

A light writing about the signs of a passive aggressive relationship.

Here again we look at relationship at how a person interacts with others.  For some people, this is what their personality entails and to them it's very normal to push other people's buttons.  At first they may poke and prod you to get a reaction.  They make say mean things to make you cry and then they want to comfort you afterwards.  They may not be aware, but it is toxic relationship that will overflow at some point.  There is going to be a point where they no longer want to comfort you and only want to hurt you.  Now how we apply the warning signs as follows.

1.Criticism. At the root of passive aggressive personality they are always giving criticism.  It saps and victimizes at every opportunity.  They play devil's advocate to get a reaction.  They always have to have a conflict of interests.
2.Jealousy.  Fueling that envious behavior.  An unhealthy attraction to the other person and yet it's more confrontationa l than a social alpha sparring match.  Trying to steal the other person's friends and convincing them to depart from those relationships.
3.Control. These type of personality is in control.  They are after all poking and prodding constantly.  They seek to control the outcome.  They will spread lies and rumors to be in control and seek affirmation of their control from others.
4.Isolation. The method here is to try to isolate the target from social standing.  Be it at times, just in public so that it becomes a debacle to others.  It pushes the victim into a corner, into a hide mode.  The passive aggressive person would have spread enough lies to have friends and family avoid the victim, thus creating more isolation.
5.Intensity.  The passive aggressive nature becomes very aggressive once warning signs 1-4 have routine occurrences.  Every time there is some interaction it's always a stage for some bigger event.  The interaction here is all about getting a bigger reaction from the other person.  If picking out the interaction timeline, it's always a sneaky stealthy approach at first and it just becomes a bigger drama squabble as it continues until it basically becomes a full out vociferous debacle of conflict. These are no longer idle taunts, the criticism will incite a reaction.
6.Sabotage. Passive aggressive personality will take time and plan to make problems and difficulties.  This is more than just spontaneous criticism.  They will seek to lure the victim into a trap.  All part of Intensity.
7.Blame. Directing faults everything around and making excuses for anything that they seem fit.  Passive aggressive personality plays the I am victim because of the everything or everyone else's choices or actions, just to reverse it and further inflict harm to it's victim afterwards.  They have this natural defense mechanism when they feel the conflict isn't in their favor.
8.Anger. The onslaught of the rise in anger.  Always short fused passive aggressive situations.  Any kind of reaction they get from their victims fuels their anger.  When Blame fails, Anger rises.

9.Rebellious.  The warning sign of a rebellious personality.   It is often rooted in their passive aggressive stance towards everything.  The nature of refusing to follow anything lawful in a passive aggressive way.  The constant lipping off just ear shot knowing that the intended target can hear the taunts.  There are even opportunities where they seek to intimidate, but they are seeking conflict more than straight intimidation.

These are warning signs of a person who can easily evolve into a toxic relationship.  If you're dating and that someone says you're cute when you cry and they're enjoying inflicting tears onto you, beware you have a passive aggressive person who you are inviting into your life.  Passive aggressive people won't ever stop until they've ensnared you into their conflict.  This personality has the potential to evolve into an abusive type of person.  Many are just not aware of their passive aggressive behavior.  They are just seeking attention or interaction, just an unhealthy way.



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline dianahmuas

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Re: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?
« Reply #26 on: June 24, 2019, 06:26:35 AM »
Villain, you hit point... O0 O0 O0



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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?
« Reply #27 on: June 24, 2019, 10:23:41 AM »
Villain, you hit point... O0 O0 O0

LOL...you called me a villain and not a hero... :2funny:



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline VillainousHero

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Re: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?
« Reply #28 on: June 25, 2019, 02:03:58 AM »
I'd say any relationship whether platonic or not can be toxic if you end up feeling like crap all the time, every time.
That's true...it is that westernized mind set that often fails to understand or encompass that in the balance of life.  As compared to a more Asian Ying Yang mind set that seeks the purity in balance.

To share in the bounty of another is also to share in the burden of another.  In life, the positive vs negative energies are partially fueled by us.  If we focus only on the feeling like crap...we will get more feeling like crap.  If we are able to reverse that approach.  Instead of the feeling like crap...think that the cream is getting over the crap.  When you seek out the cream, you will get more cream.

There was another analogy about driving and hitting all red lights on your trip.  In fact it was that not noticing all the green lights on your trip, was what is fueling the negativity about getting caught with so many red lights.



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline lilly

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Re: How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship?
« Reply #29 on: July 01, 2019, 11:58:52 AM »
I'd say any relationship whether platonic or not can be toxic if you end up feeling like crap all the time, every time.

I agree.



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