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Author Topic: When love is all you need  (Read 2576 times)

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ShampisChamp

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When love is all you need
« on: March 31, 2019, 02:40:27 AM »
A past of horrid abuse, drugs, and lies from shoulders of the one you love. No corners empty of sadness that waited its turn to slap across your face and tear at your exhausted heart. And all you wanted was love...

Some Chapters I once shared amongst the readers here. The tears engraved into words of the begining of life as a nyab hmoob was. One, whom desperately fought and sought for love.

Now I'll share what patience bring, when love is all you need.





« Last Edit: April 04, 2019, 03:09:17 AM by ShampisChamp »

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ShampisChamp

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Re: When love is all you need
« Reply #1 on: April 03, 2019, 03:31:20 AM »
The cold crept through the little room. I tucked more white sheets that reeked of bleach onto you. If I was cold, you must've been colder. 10 hours have passed and you laid on that tiny bed breathing heavily as if you haven't had a good sleep in years.
Sleep husband. Sleep away your pain. So many people rushing to and fro, moving behind the curtains that gave us a little privacy. The noise soothed my aching heart for you. Beside you is where I belonged and I hope you know.
My back ached, my body sore but nothing compared to yours. I leaned onto you, stroked your hair and lightly kissed your cheek. "Get better hun, I miss you already."
I called your mother with the sanity left in me and your siblings too. Took a deep breathe and waited for them to pile into the little curtained room.
2 days have passed, not a single one of your family members showed. It all seem as though it was my fault, as though your diabetes went off the chart because I couldn't monitor you well enough. It was my fault your parents didn't show nor did your siblings. I am not a great person with enough to love. But you are. So I am sorry dear husband that I love you too much and kept you. I am sorry that no one but I, stayed permanently beside you. "Did mom and dad come?" You woke up asking. "Yes they did but you were sleeping for awhile and so they waited and left." I just hoped you never find out the truth my dear husband. You looked at me with a smile in your eyes and went back to sleep. Diabetes is no joke, with a number as high as yours, you could've gone into shock, cardiac arrest or even worse. My tears rolled onto my cheeks unknowingly. Thoughts that weren't pleasant shouldn't be thought of but I wish I could create a miracle for you or even take away your pain. I'm sure I am stronger than you and I have handled worse.
Finally prepping discharged, your sugar level back to normal. I gathered all your things and helped you up. You gave me a look of gratitude and hugged me. And you softly said "Thank you hun, for being there for me everyday. Even when I never did the same for you." I leaned onto you and hugged you tight "Thanks for staying alive." I replied. I just hope one day you know how much I love you no matter what may have happened in the past. I hope you know i had never given up on you even when it was so much easier to quit. Now get better husband. We have to live until we are over 120 years old!



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ShampisChamp

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Re: When love is all you need
« Reply #2 on: April 03, 2019, 04:10:16 AM »
It was a warm summer late Thursday night, I had just gotten off work. I haven't talked to you all day or even text. We seldomly do. Maybe this weekend, we can catch a movie but that's if your friends aren't over or you're not busy. Most weekends excites me just because of plans I wish to make come true with you, but it never happens.
11:05 pm, I'm headed home to you. Just my luck they close one of the connecting freeway ramp. So i rushed through the traffic to merge onto another exiting ramp. Going a little beyond 70 mph I did not see why cars were moving so quickly to the side. I kept going and felt debris underneath my car. Just then, red flashes and what I saw horrified me. I tried to brake. But that big old loose big rig tire came straight at me with full speed.
I never seen anything like it. My heart stopped and my life barely flashed before me. I was still too young to go. I heard myself yelling "Oh sh1t. I'm f..cked."
Instead of the loose big rig tire smashing into my window and face, it went underneath my small lexus and took the whole lining off. I saw sparks flying. Smoke coming out of my car and I quickly exited onto a off ramp. Parked the car by the canal and got out to assess the situation. All i could think about was how lucky it didnt smash me in.
I panicked. Who do I call?! What TOW do I call? Do i call my insurance company to report this?
Should I call CHP? I called my friend and asked her if she was able to come get me but she was already in another city.
I wished really hard my family was here in this town with me. They would come. I called my co-worker and explained what happened. I googled a TOW company. I was so scared. Shaken up but I knew I couldnt drive home in the condition the car was in.
11:50 pm, you called. "Where are you?" You asked. I explained what happened. In 20 minutes you showed up with tow truck company and CHP.
How could I not remember about you? How could you not be the first person I thought to call? How can I forget I had a husband? How could I ever forget you would look for me?! 
I sat in your car silently. You asked me wth did I do and why I didnt call you immediately. I remembered one time my car broke down on the busy freeway and i panicked and called you. You asked me what I was thinking when I called you. I should be calling a Tow. Maybe that was it? But would I ever dare to tell you that? No. I told you I was so scared I completely lost my mind. After we got it evaluated, it was determined I was one lucky person to be alive.

I know sometimes its hard to rely on someone who has never really been there for you. But somedays are miracles. Some day you will look for me and everyday you will wait for me. At least I hope it last a lifetime. But for now, let's work on those wishful weekend plans of mines.

A few months later, on the same freeway, the 99, a girl died from a similiar freak incident. The big rig tire smashed her in.
I am lucky I'm still alive to be withyou.y


« Last Edit: April 03, 2019, 04:18:31 AM by ShampisChamp »

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ShampisChamp

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Re: When love is all you need
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2019, 02:44:32 AM »


Another night I secretly hear your mother tell you on the phone "Since you guys have been married for so long and there's no kids, go and find another wife to bare kids for you. Since you don't want to divorce her, the respect you can give her is to still keep her as your first wife." You would just answer back with a mumble as if to agree not to disagree. I laid next to you in bed, it was pretty late and I pretended I was asleep. But your mother always had to have the last word to any situation. "You hear me?" She would yell at you over the phone. You would answer loudly, "Yes I heard you!"
My tears would roll down my cheek and I tried so hard not to have the sniffle. I felt a sting in my heart and it ached so much that my chest itched. My soul was weeping. I felt less of a woman than I already am only because as long as we have been married, I couldn't give you any kids. I hear it all the time from your relatives. I hear it all the time from your parents. I hear it all the time from your siblings.

My question was "Hun, why couldn't you just tell her to stop saying things like that?!"
As a woman I would never encourage another person to take on another life with another wife or to even condone adultery. Why would a mother encourage her son?

When others are pregnant, I am happy yet I wished it was me. When I am at a babyshower, as beautiful and joyful as the event can be and as positive as I can be, I was secretly sad. I would never dare to admit it publicly, but I felt it.

You ended your call and I pretended to turn towards you and hug you. "Who was it?" I pretended to lazily ask. "Just mom" "What did she say?" "Same shit." I didn't press you for more because I knew you were upset. How does a man truly feel if a woman he made a life with could not and did not give him kids?

As normal as our health finding were, I was sinking and I seriously thought many times of leaving you. Maybe then you would be happy and your family too. But i just couldn't give up on us. Maybe we can survive because love is all we really need... Or is it?

I held onto your hands. I knew one day we would be blessed. Everyday, we truly are. I hope you know it too.





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