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Author Topic: POV of Love and Happiness  (Read 2525 times)

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Offline VillainousHero

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POV of Love and Happiness
« on: June 27, 2019, 05:11:52 AM »
So I ended up in a discussion with someone about Love and Happiness. (this is an abridged version of the discussion as discussion flows differently before it is actually written down).

I see it as concept in value with aesthetics, appreciation, gifting onto others.

What this person explained to me was that your happiness is something that you own and no one can take it away.  Furthermore this person states that happiness is something a that is not achieved until you've paid for it.

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No one can take your happiness if you truly own it. But if you rely on others to make you happy then...

You have to own it to give it. You cannot give something you don't own...that's just like giving something you haven't paid for silly...

Now what I struggled to comprehend this manner of thinking.  Of course it's splitting hairs when the ideology of it is about loving oneself first.  Part of the discussion was given some background.

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you know that you just contradicted everything you have said thus far right?

I went through that hell and came out happier and stronger than before because I came to realize that I'm not the broken one...he is,

What I fail to understand was that this person was happy to have been cheated on.  When in fact I should've open my mind to understanding her method of self empowerment.  I am seeing how a person can take responsibility for their own happiness. I can see how a person may not know about their own happiness until they have paid for it through loss and betrayal.  Yet this person is not broken.  They were never affected.

That is a contradiction to my thinking.  As this person stated incorrectly that I contradicted myself, but I misunderstood her thinking - that's splitting hair.  I've heard of people being thick skinned, deaf to gossips, stoic to compassion, etc.,...in that mannerism.  I was the broken person in betrayal and treachery.  This person was not.

Upon further contemplation of this...It makes me understand the mindset of the cheater and how they operate.  The cheater owns their own happiness, does not depend on others.  They care not how they breaks another, they will never be broken over the loss.  The cheater is happy cheating.  They don't require any happiness from the person being cheated on.  When they loss you, they are not affected.

While I thought this person's thinking was like...as a job, a task, a goal...not as a talent, a gift, an idea. Your application of it is a materialistic value concept...not as a concept in value with aesthetics, appreciation, gifting onto others.

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In my line of work, when we agreed to complete a certain task we said we take ownership of it and will be held accountable for it. Its the same thing with love and happiness

We've all heard the advice of treating marriage as a business transaction.  This person epitomized that concept.  When a business transaction fails, it's over and done with.

If we are trophies in our own right and we remain trophies.  This person was a trophy that never lost it's luster when tossed aside.  I was a trophy that got tarnished when tossed aside.  I needed to be polished in order to shine again.  I am that kind of trophy.

I know the above scope so far was limited to the area of marital relationship or applicable in the dating relationship.  It's also for those of an adult relationship between parent and offspring.  Now from a parent to a child, it would be disastrous in result.  You tell a child to tough up...You're responsible for your own happiness and love.  You don't need if from your parent.  Does it sound familiar?  The tough love that many Hmong parents have shown their offsrpings growing up.  If forces a child to become an adult a lot sooner.  I was that adult at before age of 12.

Will I apply this to myself.  Of course as I am not sure about it.  I will show my children that concept of love that is value with aesthetics, appreciation, gifting onto others.  The beauty of life that comes with it.  That tough love from my parents didn't work on me.  They receive that exact same tough love right back.  I don't want to part of that with my children.  My children will have both types of love to learn.  While they're children the beauty and gifts.  While they're adults the tough love of self responsibility .  No I will never treat my children as business transactions.

For my next love.  No I will not treat you like a business transaction either.  That is now how I do things although I will have to make that evaluation as part of relationship.  I will still have my concept of love and relationship development faulted to myself.  I believe I create my happiness as thus I can be easily influence to have it become diminutive by others. If I gift it to others, I am giving away something with feeling and soul. Thus I am exposing my own vulnerabilitie s to others to be easily taken advantage of.  That is who I am.  That is why as the trophy that I am, if you can polish me some, I will show you how much brighter I can be.

Always learning...



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

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Offline YAX

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Re: POV of Love and Happiness
« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2019, 10:25:13 AM »
WTF? This is uncharacterist ic of you Vill. I mean, TLDR.

and btw. If anyone says "my happiness comes first" or "you need to think of your happiness first", anything along that line, stay da fuk away from them.  They will steal your women, your money and your house if it makes them happy.  Remember, they think of themselves first when they carry that mentality.  ;)



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Offline lilly

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Re: POV of Love and Happiness
« Reply #2 on: June 27, 2019, 12:36:42 PM »
...



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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: POV of Love and Happiness
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2019, 02:37:28 PM »
Well it's true that I had never put my own happiness first.  That is probably why I have been easily taken advantage of many times in the past.  I want to see a change in that.  I am seeing that it this self first priority is very similar to that of a selfish person.  It contradicts the nice guy person.  I so much want to change my meager composure.  I want to give myself some priority.



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline ProudLao

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Re: POV of Love and Happiness
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2019, 04:11:08 PM »
I know what you mean. We do it without thinking because we care. When it’s not being reciprocated or when you have been taking advantage of, when you are ready, you will know when it’s time to think of yourself first. After that you act on it because your children and family will understand that you have given everything to everyone. Now it’s you time.



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I take refuge in the Buddha.
I take refuge in the dharma.
I take refuge in the sangha.

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Offline DuMa

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Re: POV of Love and Happiness
« Reply #5 on: June 27, 2019, 05:23:47 PM »
Relationship is not all focus on it like a business transaction.  You go on dates, not interviews. 

The only time a relationship can be seen as a business transaction is if you are stuck in it.  Too deep to move on or go out, you can't go no where and are basically stuck and become a victim of circumstances.   In a business transaction, I have my quarters and you have yours so therefore, I sleep on the coach and you sleep in your den with your high horse. 

You did not walk into a relationship as a business transaction or having a business partner.  It becomes one once the deal has gone bad and pushing towards a domestic partner, one where we don't even know each other or care or sleep with one another anymore.  I'll call it whatever it is after she makes the first move to put us in thus situation.  If she wants to work it the right away, textbook style, the 21st century style, I'm all for it and I will reciprocate the loving back. 

A relationship after the two of you have become 1 is really a friendzone after the intimacy part.  It was fun while it lasted but we are really staying for the kids.  Just don't call me al bundy cuz even bundy gets his wife's booty from time to time.  It may not shown on TV but during poke high, when all else fails, al bundy ran for a Touchdown and was the game's hero.  True story.

 



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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: POV of Love and Happiness
« Reply #6 on: June 27, 2019, 05:54:44 PM »
WoW...This is all very intriguing.  Somehow deep down inside I knew the Asian Mind Set of thinking love and happiness as a living and growing liquid of Ying Yang has always been the best analogy with ideas and concepts that converges and yet have substance separately too.  The wisdom that always comes from asking other's point of view.  Because people see things differently even when we are all looking at the same thing.  Others notices other details about the same thing.  Thank you all.  Pour it into a different container and it takes the shape of that container.

I know at times when I ask some of the older folks and they talk about how skanky awsome or how dirty great they were back in the days...I miss the actual wisdom part of it.  At times I get narrow focused while trying to stay open minded and actually get tunnel vision and missed the bigger picture.  It's true, I need that knock some sense into my thick head.



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

 

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