What's up with these spouse killings?

[lilly]

Sharing another thought regarding spousal killings.  People get so obsessed with another person where that person takes up so much space in their hearts and minds.  If the thoughts about another person are positive then by all means but if another person gives you so many negative thoughts and makes your life so sad and miserable... then probably consider that maybe that person is not good for you.  A lot of times how we feel can be controlled by our minds.  In the moment it's hard to remember but if we train our minds enough times to focus on the big picture, we don't have to be victims to bad/depressing feelings about another person.  "If someone makes you feel more bad than good about life then they are not for you."  Took a long time even for me to understand the value of these words but these words can shape the direction of a person's life and where they end up.  Staying in an unhealthy relationship can reduce your happiness, reduce your quality of life, and even shorten your life.  To the sisters, if a man wants out of the relationship and wants to seek a relationship with someone else, let him.  To the brothers, if a woman wants out of the relationship and wants to seek a relationship with someone else, let her.  Give each other the freedom to be happy even if it's not with each other.

[lexicon]

1. Loveless Marriage;
   - Forced Marriages w/o Love
   - Sold into Marriage

2. Attraction/Libido;
  - Seeking a younger wife/husband
  - Money

This of course is just a partial non-scientific argument based off 2nd hand knowledge.

[lilly]

I, too, wonder why spousal murder suicides are happening more frequently these days.  Murder suicides are not unheard of but recently, cases after cases occurring in such short successions of each other in the Hmong community is a bit weird and alarming.  I don't know if it's there's been a shift in people's perception towards murder suicides?  What is happening in people's minds?  Why do these men feel a need to take their spouses' lives and their own lives when faced with a difficult time in their marriages/relationships?  It's like they lose sight of their children and of the positive sides to life, and their dark feelings about their marriages/relationships overpower them and take over their hearts and minds to make them murder their spouses and commit suicide.

I think there needs to be more advocacy for therapy within the Hmong community (and all communities).  Also, within the Hmong community, there needs be a network of marriage support groups.  People need to be taught/reminded that it's OK to talk things out with a therapist, with friends/family about their marriage issues.  Talking things out is healing and can sometimes prevent such horrible things like murder suicides from happening.  Sometimes people can't get out of their heads and feel like the only way they can break out of a bad place and out of the dark time they are in is to do the unimaginable: murder suicide.  They forget about their children!  People need to be reminded over and over again that murder suicide is not the answer.  No one is ever worth killing for.  Life is precious.  Your children are precious.

----

What I have learned through these murder suicides is that more people than we think have depression and mental illnesses.  So many people do not know how to cope with their feelings (more so men than women as we have seen with the recent spousal killings).  We need to find ways to give people help.  I, too, have experienced dark times and felt hopeless but I've found that it's helped me to share my thoughts and feelings with others.  Perhaps just checking in on each other every now and then.  With technology at our fingertips, instant connection is there for us to connect with anyone at any time, but yet direct interaction with others happens less and less.  We like each other's posts on facebook but how often do we actually call each other up on the phone anymore?  How often do we hang out with each other anymore?  Everyone has their own lives and we use the convenience of seeing each other's "posts" as a way to keep updated on each other but often the physical/human touch remains missing in our lives.  We stay inside our own heads a lot of the times.  We live inside our own little lives and bubbles a lot of the times.  My point is, perhaps some murder suicides can be prevented if we just check up on each other more often and get people to start talking and get them out of their heads and give them a different perspective on things.

Often, people that have tried committing suicide state that a phone call was what saved their life...  just a little food for thought and just one of many ways we can maybe help each other to prevent these horrible deaths from happening.  There are many more ways to prevent 'murder suicides' and suicides.  We need to have a bigger conversation about these issues and find solutions.  We don't have all the answers today but I hope we can all start with thinking about how we can do better for each other.  What tools/techniques can we give people that are depressed or that have marriage issues to see things in a better or different way?

I want to emphasize that my thoughts in the post above pertain to the people that are normally non-aggressive.  Sadly, not everyone can be helped.  There are irrational people out there who cannot be reasoned with who are just angry and aggressive by nature... these people may not be reachable no matter what kinds of methods are used.

[Reporter]

When you got here at about age 46, how can you learn future tech so easily? Can't.

86 years old? Damn I thought my dad was old he's only 62 this year. Funny how all these OGs knows how to send money overseas but cant connect the internet?

[DuMa]

I was wondering if there are cases of female hmongs being the aggressive ones and go on attack on their spousal. 

Perhaps this is why some hmong females be staying away from hmong men.  This jealously act is just unreal.  It brings fear to the women that if she messes up, she's going to die and along with the kids. 

I'm sorry to say but from what I have experiences so far, the hmong men with pretty wives are all over them.  I can sense it that if she stray, he's going to kill her and himself.  The jealously is just unreal.  I mean I'm in no position to talk to another man's woman but we're just talking in public, with the spouse there too but here comes the clock blocker and took her away like I'm out to get his woman or something. 

No love, no justice whatsoever.  If hmong women were this crazy, I'll leave the hmong scene in a  heart beat.   

[Reporter]

Men are the same in every culture. We can't let someone else have our women, even though we want a few for ourselves. 

Majority of the cases, that is.

I was wondering if there are cases of female hmongs being the aggressive ones and go on attack on their spousal. 

Perhaps this is why some hmong females be staying away from hmong men.  This jealously act is just unreal.  It brings fear to the women that if she messes up, she's going to die and along with the kids. 

I'm sorry to say but from what I have experiences so far, the hmong men with pretty wives are all over them.  I can sense it that if she stray, he's going to kill her and himself.  The jealously is just unreal.  I mean I'm in no position to talk to another man's woman but we're just talking in public, with the spouse there too but here comes the clock blocker and took her away like I'm out to get his woman or something. 

No love, no justice whatsoever.  If hmong women were this crazy, I'll leave the hmong scene in a  heart beat.   

[theking]

We had no media. So, we heard only a few. There must have been many more.

I'm sure...

[theking]

the bad thing always get reported
that's the problem with the media these days
alot of us married guy

are happily married with our wife

i don't see us good guy get reported on the news

If you don't see "good news reported" in the news regarding married folks then you just don't get out much...as those "good" cases also made the news...

[Griffith]

I was wondering if there are cases of female hmongs being the aggressive ones and go on attack on their spousal. 

Perhaps this is why some hmong females be staying away from hmong men.  This jealously act is just unreal.  It brings fear to the women that if she messes up, she's going to die and along with the kids. 

I'm sorry to say but from what I have experiences so far, the hmong men with pretty wives are all over them.  I can sense it that if she stray, he's going to kill her and himself.  The jealously is just unreal.  I mean I'm in no position to talk to another man's woman but we're just talking in public, with the spouse there too but here comes the clock blocker and took her away like I'm out to get his woman or something. 

No love, no justice whatsoever.  If hmong women were this crazy, I'll leave the hmong scene in a  heart beat.   

see that part of the problem. If you know she was married. Stay away. You can tell if a lady's married or not. Single lady act and carry themselves differently from married ones.
If I don't know that she's married, and then I find out that she is. I stay far away from them. Hmong married women are trouble.

Look at it this way. You just bought a brand new car. Say the Impreza wrx STi or a supe up Toyota Supra. And you parked at a target, far far away from everybody. Then you come out and see 2 junky cars park next to you. Wouldn't you be mad too?. Even though you parked 1mile in the parking lot.   

[Griffith]

Or if you spent a lot of money making your car into a supe up one. And then some @$$hole comes along and key the side of you car. You want to kick their @$$ too. Jealousy has many different forms.
Same with wives. They are the car that you ride each and everyday. So wen someone else other then her husband riding her. You can say, when one don't think proactive and becomes reactive out of logic and kills their wife.

[theking]

I still remembered one of the earliest cases involving Hmong uxoricide in America was when Dang Cha Xiong killed his wife, and then turned the gun to himself back in the 1980s in Stockton, CA.

Dude was just 35, his wife was younger and they had 8 children ages 1-13..

[WildRedLotus]

This type of practice needs to stop. Why are some people okay with this?

How many men out there can say they approve of their wives going to Laos for a  second wife?

Did you meant to say second husband? lol

[Reporter]

A second wife that the wife brings back from Laos will only create more responsibiliti es. I'm against it.

Did you meant to say second husband? lol

[DuMa]

Well I got the solution to these stories. 

How about you let your woman pick and choose a second wife for you?  I mean she can't get jealous since she's the one doing the picking for you. 

Smart wifey gets them ugly so she can still shine like a dull diamond.   

[Griffith]

If I was in that BS. I'll go shake her BF's hand and be like. Thanks bruh. She's now your problem. And not mine anymore. If she can do that to me. She'll do it to you later down that road.