Advertisement

Author Topic: Just a Tuesday rant.... they took our sister(relatives) and refuse to wed  (Read 5280 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline hmgROCK

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 35741
  • The Hmong Nostradamus
  • Respect: +216
    • View Profile
One of our sister(relatives) has been taken
They sent two elder guys to give the “message” to the parents
Three days pass, they haven’t “hu plug tie string”
No visit, nothing

FYI

this is two years ago

They haven’t come do the wedding
No meeka wedding either

We been asking
And its looks like the parents don’t want their son to married our sister

So now we are stuck in a limbo



Like this post: 0
God did not created man...man created god

Adverstisement

Offline joot

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 1641
  • Lonewolf & Cub
  • Respect: +80
    • View Profile
Looks like the groom and their side of the family has no respect for the bride's side of the family.  This is in essence a slap in the face of the bride's side of the family.  In situations like this, lets hope they treat the bride well.  It shows the integrity of the groom's side of the family. 



Like this post: 0

Offline Reporter

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 84275
  • Pey-Pey and NiNi's 1st Snow Kid.
  • Respect: +562
    • View Profile
Is she 18 year? If she is, your family might be out of luck.

One of our sister(relatives) has been taken
They sent two elder guys to give the “message” to the parents
Three days pass, they haven’t “hu plug tie string”
No visit, nothing

FYI

this is two years ago

They haven’t come do the wedding
No meeka wedding either

We been asking
And its looks like the parents don’t want their son to married our sister

So now we are stuck in a limbo



Like this post: 0
"...
The snooping eye sees everything."--Ono No Komachi, Japanese Poetess (emphasis)

Offline hmgROCK

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 35741
  • The Hmong Nostradamus
  • Respect: +216
    • View Profile
Is she 18 year? If she is, your family might be out of luck.

In the 20s
I think the dude is incapable of being a man



Like this post: 0
God did not created man...man created god

Offline Cali Guy

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3200
  • Respect: +648
    • View Profile
Give up the potential BIL’s families so we can help you shame them and avoid that families in the future.



Like this post: 0

Offline Dok_Champa

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 8233
  • Respect: +200
    • View Profile
Your family can talk to your clan leader and he can talk to the groom's family clan leader to sort things out because now family to family isn't working so get the clan leaders involved... and if that doesn't work, might have to go to the 18 xeem




Like this post: 0
But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

Offline Reporter

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 84275
  • Pey-Pey and NiNi's 1st Snow Kid.
  • Respect: +562
    • View Profile
He could  be. But you're out of luck because she's on her own now.

In the 20s
I think the dude is incapable of being a man



Like this post: 0
"...
The snooping eye sees everything."--Ono No Komachi, Japanese Poetess (emphasis)

Offline theking

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 58885
  • Respect: +1322
    • View Profile
...So now we are stuck in a limbo

Not really, the couple can still get married without the other side....very simple issue to solve..



Like this post: 0

Offline theking

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 58885
  • Respect: +1322
    • View Profile
Your family can talk to your clan leader and he can talk to the groom's family clan leader to sort things out because now family to family isn't working so get the clan leaders involved... and if that doesn't work, might have to go to the 18 xeem

Doubt that will do anything as they (clan leaders, 18 xeem) have no power over the other side's parents' right to choose not to participate...



Like this post: 0

Offline DuMa

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 17907
  • Gender: Male
  • -(>^_^<)- 052806
  • Respect: +742
    • View Profile
There is no kidnap case.  Just a runaway case. 

They will marry whenever they are ready.  If they poor, nah, no need marriage cuz 5000 dowry may be the most ever they can afford to save up and to give it away?  Nah.  Can't marry if you are struggling. 

Eventually, your so called sister because of your last name will have to be the one that will push for the marriage.  If she doesn't and no one cares on the guy side, no marriage needed or will become of it.  Her side will lose out on the great $5K plan.    :2funny:




Like this post: 0
X_____________ ______________ ______________ ___

Offline Dok_Champa

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 8233
  • Respect: +200
    • View Profile
Re: Just a Tuesday rant.... they took our sister(relatives) and refuse to wed
« Reply #10 on: October 23, 2019, 08:27:35 AM »
Not really, the couple can still get married without the other side....very simple issue to solve..
The issue is not that they can't get married..the issue is groom's family can't make the marriage official.  In good faith, groom's family told girl's family they'd hold a wedding but so far nothing happens.  If it's your daughter, what would you do?  Have her continue living w/ her boyfriend? Force him to hold a wedding? or resolve the old fashion way and get the elders invoved.. 

See hmong people solve problems an eye for an eye.... In this case, when the elders involved.. if the guy is not going to hold a wedding, not paying the dowry, etc...that's fine but they're going to use this case for future precedent.  This is  how Hmong people solve things.  AND the groom's family might be OK w/ it but the clan of the groom might  not want to see this precedent existing and therefore may pressure the groom's family to do the right thing.






Like this post: 0
But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

Offline Dok_Champa

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 8233
  • Respect: +200
    • View Profile
Re: Just a Tuesday rant.... they took our sister(relatives) and refuse to wed
« Reply #11 on: October 23, 2019, 08:28:16 AM »
Doubt that will do anything as they (clan leaders, 18 xeem) have no power over the other side's parents' right to choose not to participate...
Something will happen.



Like this post: 0
But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

Offline hmgROCK

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 35741
  • The Hmong Nostradamus
  • Respect: +216
    • View Profile
Re: Just a Tuesday rant.... they took our sister(relatives) and refuse to wed
« Reply #12 on: October 23, 2019, 08:59:10 AM »
The issue is not that they can't get married..the issue is groom's family can't make the marriage official.  In good faith, groom's family told girl's family they'd hold a wedding but so far nothing happens.  If it's your daughter, what would you do?  Have her continue living w/ her boyfriend? Force him to hold a wedding? or resolve the old fashion way and get the elders invoved.. 

See hmong people solve problems an eye for an eye.... In this case, when the elders involved.. if the guy is not going to hold a wedding, not paying the dowry, etc...that's fine but they're going to use this case for future precedent.  This is  how Hmong people solve things.  AND the groom's family might be OK w/ it but the clan of the groom might  not want to see this precedent existing and therefore may pressure the groom's family to do the right thing.


they gotta do their part
it's been too long already
don't need to be big

just so we can get this done
and move on with

so we can achknowledge and welcome him to the family



Like this post: 0
God did not created man...man created god

Offline Dok_Champa

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 8233
  • Respect: +200
    • View Profile
Re: Just a Tuesday rant.... they took our sister(relatives) and refuse to wed
« Reply #13 on: October 23, 2019, 09:19:08 AM »

they gotta do their part
it's been too long already
don't need to be big

just so we can get this done
and move on with

so we can achknowledge and welcome him to the family
Understandable.  Since family try resolving on their own did not work maybe it's time the clan leaders of the two family try to get this done.  Again, a resolution will happen for sure.



Like this post: 0
But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

Offline theking

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 58885
  • Respect: +1322
    • View Profile
Re: Just a Tuesday rant.... they took our sister(relatives) and refuse to wed
« Reply #14 on: October 23, 2019, 04:51:46 PM »
The issue is not that they can't get married..the issue is groom's family can't make the marriage official.  In good faith, groom's family told girl's family they'd hold a wedding but so far nothing happens.  If it's your daughter, what would you do?  Have her continue living w/ her boyfriend? Force him to hold a wedding? or resolve the old fashion way and get the elders invoved.. 

See hmong people solve problems an eye for an eye.... In this case, when the elders involved.. if the guy is not going to hold a wedding, not paying the dowry, etc...that's fine but they're going to use this case for future precedent.  This is  how Hmong people solve things.  AND the groom's family might be OK w/ it but the clan of the groom might  not want to see this precedent existing and therefore may pressure the groom's family to do the right thing.


Here, I'll quote the OP:

..They haven’t come do the wedding
No meeka wedding either

...So now we are stuck in a limbo

If all they are waiting for is "do the wedding" and even considered a "meeka wedding" so they wouldn't be in "limbo", they can still get it done without the other side's participation is all I'm saying...very simple, and yes can make it "official" on their own...

If it was my daughter, I would let her decide because marriage is NOT a requirement in life and if she wants to get married, I can throw a wedding for her with or without the other side's participation.

They can use "an eye for an eye" and "future precedent" threats but it still not above the laws of the land so it won't hold much weight when it comes down to it...And there are options when it comes to getting married...so the couple can still get "officially" married one way or another if they choose to.



Like this post: 0

 

Advertisements