25 years or so ago, our organization's secretary introduced me to her
aunt.
We went on a date at Olive Garden.
All she talked about was her ex and other concerns and nothing
about us or even any question on what I liked to do in life.
Those topics were not related to the date.
But I've come to learn that we have a lot of that in our traditions:
we don't talk about what we have brought people to do.
For example, you hold a Christmas party and invite friends and relatives
to come, and especially relatives. Everyone shows up and you start the
party but then you focus on a particular relative's relationship issue. That
young guy who has had issues with his wife, now the elders step out of
the Christmas party and bring his issues up and even start scolding him.
You go to a funeral and people don't just finish the funeral but argue about one
another's debts and even the deceased's debts or how someone has wronged them.
I look back at my date and I can understand why that aunt didn't focus on getting to
know each other but on her not getting over her ex yet. Many of us really can't
separate situations.
I recently attended funerals and still noticed similar things I experienced 20 to 30 years ago.
