The Not so private Diary of JonniJacco

[JonniJacko]

Planning and Envisoning 2024, had to go back to some of my notes and here are some life lessons I failed to learn or simply forgot about...lols

1) protect yourself at all times, I let my guards down too much recently
2) stay ready for anything- I've been lazy and careless..
3) prioritize what's more important first- I been putting off important things
4) trust the process- everything happens for a reason, sometimes some things don't make sense, but life is a simulation..ha ha j/k maybe though...lols
5) your mind plays tricks most times- again this is back to life as a simulation, your mind needs manual attention, this mean THINK!! lols
6) their's a difference between a conscious and intuitions, consciousness or subconsciousne ss is when your mind already did half the thinking, intuitions is when you think or act on impulse. not sure...
7) smart thing is to be dumb sometimes. don't want to be too smart for your own good..lols

just be happy...stop caring so much what others say, think, or do..I stop caring, but I also become careless for myself..so gotta work on being selfish..lols

hope this reminds, or helps yalls in some ways...thank me later. lols

[JonniJacko]

One of the meanest person I known, was also one of the coolest person I ever known. He was my boss at my very first real job as a car wash attendant. A Vietnam Veteran, retired military. Heavy smoker. He has a habit for abrasive behavior, but he tries to make up for it by showing compassion. One day he got into a scuffle with a worker, unfortunately he went a little too far that time. I didn't know what PTSD and how it related to Veterans was at the time, but I supposed he had that stuff. I stuck to that job for a while actually. More than 3 years for sure. It's no wonder back then all my siblings wanted me to wash their cars and do light detailing because before they can train me to be a professional detailer I found a job elsewhere.

About 5 years later, I see him again. He and his wife were regulars at the local casino. I'll usually see them when I go myself there. I don't know if he remembers me or recognizes me anymore until one day he came and sat next to me at a blackjack table, call me by name and said "any luck"? Of course I wasn't very good then, so I said sometimes, and not so much other times. He never once mention about the old car wash place..One thing he did though was constantly telling me only gamble what you can handle.

Then I stopped seeing him or his wife one day...About a year later, I moved to a different part of town and  I start seeing him again. Just in and around town. He still drives that same Blue Tundra, the very first Tundra model I believe..He use to make me personally washed that truck, and only me..lols He'll wave sometimes, and sometimes he might not even see me.

Then I stopped seeing him. Years passed, and I was just flipping through old newspapes and saw his orbituary. My heart sunk for a bit.

I learned quite a bit from the guy, and picked up some of his traits too. I might scold or raised my voice sometimes at my workers, but I attempt to apologize later. Sometimes to even getting them a snack or gatorade, or giving them an extra break..haha Besides they're probably use to me and know how I operate by now so they don't take it personally. If I changed to super soft, they'd probably be disappointed. So the tradition must continue..haha h

I don't know, that's probably why I just want to live a simple life. Simplicity is beautiful. If a being a doctor, a lawyer, or something high up there is not for you, just work your ass off and live a simple life..lols

so yes, we do come across people in our lives for a reason........ ....

[JonniJacko]

i thought our fights were bad sometimes..but this one morning years ago during my young and dumb days, the housemate came dashing into the house. Half drunk, came barging, and panic, said I have to, I just have to do him a big favor...We have to go get her...lols I suppose he and his g-f got drunk, too drunk and some things or truths were reveal...lols I was like WTF dude...but it's the first time he really asked me for anything. As we got to his g-f's brother's house, we step outside, and I have no idea why, but my 9 almost fell out of my hip...He looks at me and was like "r u serious dude? okay just stay insinde the car"

5 minutes later, turns into 30 minutes, then into 45 minuts..I finally text him they both only have 15 minutes left before I leave...they barely made it to the car...and they both were still fighting....

never again...and I really didn't mean to bring the glock..it's just kind of like a second nature thing to do in times of urgency...lols but I guessed it works out too...The guy move out shortly after and never asked me for anything since...lols

[JonniJacko]

I told her once, I don't see myself being a husband or father someday, I'm not who you think I am and its all my fault but if you stay with me you won't be happy.  She look into my eyes with great intensity, and it must have been the longest 10 seconds of my life. She must of have saw fire and lightning and saw how dark my soul was. While I saw nothing but a plain field of lush grass and clear blue skies in her eyes....She then softly said, "i understand"-Im sorry I wish was that girl you've been searching for, but I'm not her........... .........we hugged, and cried a little together..well she did..and so I walked her to the train, and it was the last time I saw her........... ....


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSs9zTeoz4g

[JonniJacko]

old friend called me, said got my number from my parents. Bump into them at the Fresno New years. Talk about old friends, and running into a few. Said he swore, but they all asked about me. In a way, I feel validated, another I'd wished they all forgotten about me..lols Some good stories, some bad. Some still the same, some worse, some gone. We both start talking about life in general. How time and age changes how we see the world. What keeps us going, and what means something to us. He said his kids and wife keeps him going, I said I don't know what keeps me going, I don't know what's important to me anymore..I want to do my part to impact the world, but I told him, I do think the Force gives out freebies sometimes and this is my freebie life time..lols

I look up to the sky,and asked the force for forgiveness, it was a bad joke..lols But then out of nowhere, high up in the sky, I see something intriguing...a m eagle..maybe a hawk. I thought it was kind of weird, they're not around this time of year. So I took it as a message fromt he force...haha

[Believe_N_Me]

I went to visit my parents to check in on them and they had some visitors...My mother introduce me to them, "this is our middle son" and the "nyiam tais" said "ohhhh yom, koj tus tub no muaj ib tsaus zoo li mev os yom?"

In my mind I was cracking up...because a lot of spanish speaking folks do mistake me for Hispanic or Latino sometimes, or they'll say "you kind of look like a mixture of Asian and Hispanic" or sometimes i get you look like them Flips with heavy Spanish facial traits...lols

that nyiam tais went on and say "peb Hmoob yeej ib txwm muaj ib cos muaj ib tsaus zoo like meka ib cos zoo li mev, feem ntaus cov zoo zoo nkauj zoo nraug xwb"...

haha I'm like heck yeah, I'll take the compliment..lo ls (honestly though, I look Asian/Hmong without my cap. With my cap on, I guess I become somewhat mexican..lols and I'm one of those folks who often wears a cap even in 100 degree weather..

oh don't tell my partner, but I remember back in middle school, I do remember a Hmong girl, very pretty..and you would thing she's latina or a mixture until she speaks fluent Hmong or the teacher calls her first and last name during roll call and she answers "here"..haha she probably never noticed me..i was probably just another average Joe Hmong boy back then..haha and she probably had both mexican and Hmong dudes chasing her..lols

I was at the mall today and a young Mev couple was sitting in the food court with their baby. The wife could pass for Hmong. She was attractive.

Last week I was at another establishment and there was a comic fair. One of the many vendor booths was an anime artist who was selling her work. I believe she was Mev, but she could pass for Hmong, too. She wasn't all that attractive though.

[Believe_N_Me]

We both decided to hit a local casino this morning trying to beat the afternoon rush knowing it's going to be flooded with patrons today. 10 a.m and it felt like a busy afternoon at this casino already..lols We both just dabble around random slots, 20 bucks in each machine, mid range bets, it was either go big or go home cus we both don't like big crowds and didn't want to stay longer than we both had hoped for..but we decided to mid low roll..haha low bankroll, bet mid range. works sometimes. of course its still just all random..but we got lucky several times doing this..she won 200 while I won 60 bucks. lols and we dipped..we stopped to gas up and we both fought who should pay for gas..I mean this in a positive light, we both wanted to pay for the gas..lols So I ended up paying of course with the 60 bucks I won. she gives me 60 bucks as I got back..I was like stop being cringy..if you dont want it just give it a homeless person..lols

we got home, i took a nap..and woke up from a weird dream....I told the wife: in my dream we were both still going at it on who should pay for gas...I said, you kept apologizing, and I kept saying it's okay, it's really okay...and it felt like we both were fighting to be the good guy...like we were both fighting to see who is more nice and more compassionate. .lols we both laughed out loud and she said she's making dinner for us tonight..I was like for reals? and she said yeah for reals, and leftovers will be for our lunch tomorrow for work if I wanted...lols I joke, would be nice if you wake up to make me breakfast tomorrow and fixed me a lunch for work tomorrow since I paid for your gas...lols she said don't ruin a perfectyly normal good day now..lols but I wouldn't be surprise if she does wake up early tomorrow to make me breakfast and fix me a sandwich or something for lunch..haha she just don't like to be asked to do it..she only does it when she feels like it or she is probably expecting a big favor in return...lols j/k

to us, I think we both are over our prime..lols so what seems like a fun day to us, is probably lame and boring to younger, more energetic couples..

but great start to the new year. Happy 2024 folks. This year is going to fly too, so make the most of your time together, be it with your significant other, children, or families and friends....

So I was at this mall that I haven't been to in years. I'm not a mall person but today I wanted to take a walk indoors. Anyways, this mall has a huge arcade so I decided to check it out. The place reminded me of a casino because it was filled with arcade games that made that slot-machine sound. You know the sound. And they were flashing colorful lights just like slot machines. It got me thinking, "this is no different than a casino. People play these machines hoping to win, but they lose most of the time. Not only that, they can be very addicting, too. And it's all the same purpose - you put money in and don't really get much return."

[JonniJacko]

I was at the mall today and a young Mev couple was sitting in the food court with their baby. The wife could pass for Hmong. She was attractive.

Last week I was at another establishment and there was a comic fair. One of the many vendor booths was an anime artist who was selling her work. I believe she was Mev, but she could pass for Hmong, too. She wasn't all that attractive though.

oh c'mon, we all bleed red..lols 

[JonniJacko]

So I was at this mall that I haven't been to in years. I'm not a mall person but today I wanted to take a walk indoors. Anyways, this mall has a huge arcade so I decided to check it out. The place reminded me of a casino because it was filled with arcade games that made that slot-machine sound. You know the sound. And they were flashing colorful lights just like slot machines. It got me thinking, "this is no different than a casino. People play these machines hoping to win, but they lose most of the time. Not only that, they can be very addicting, too. And it's all the same purpose - you put money in and don't really get much return."

yeah, correct. I had to learned it the hard way..lols just really expensive entertainment or dose of dopamine that is not worth it.

[JonniJacko]

  this one hits hauntingly hard....I can tell he is speaking from experience..11 0% facts!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kZ-62Mdb78

[JonniJacko]

Marvy was covering for Colton. We had our differences in the past but we learned to respect on another. Marvy is one of those good Alpha Males, strong presence. I on the other hand, is more of the Strong Silent type. Marvy keeps yelling and shouting over me. It wasn't long before I knew it was obviously delibrate. So towards the end of the shift, I start yelling and shouting at my team. All this while Marvy was sure his team was gonna finish first. What he didn't know was during lunch break, I already set up my team to win. We came and kick their ass. Marvy looks at me and said " I know what you did"..I walked to my car, and some of the guys stayed behind and "drank". I just pretended they were't there, didn't hear anything..One of the guys throw a beer can at me as I drove out..lols

[JonniJacko]

You have to operate behind the shadows, there's a million arrows aiming for you

[JonniJacko]

Trouble soul, come sit next to me and listen carefully, how foolish can you be, you don't know how bless you are. You have been listening to the wrong souls all your life, you are living their dreams, fantasies, and lies. This is now or never, now go out there and be yourself. And...uhhhh only bother me if you really need to.

[Believe_N_Me]

I told her once, I don't see myself being a husband or father someday, I'm not who you think I am and its all my fault but if you stay with me you won't be happy.  She look into my eyes with great intensity, and it must have been the longest 10 seconds of my life. She must of have saw fire and lightning and saw how dark my soul was. While I saw nothing but a plain field of lush grass and clear blue skies in her eyes....She then softly said, "i understand"-Im sorry I wish was that girl you've been searching for, but I'm not her........... .........we hugged, and cried a little together..well she did..and so I walked her to the train, and it was the last time I saw her........... ....


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSs9zTeoz4g

Some people are amazing on the surface level and there can be quite a lot of chemistry, but you're on different trajectories. In fact, you two have different destinations. Sometimes a person breaks up with you not because of what you couldn't give them, but because they already know that they can't fulfill you. Basically, they're going to pick someone who is going to put up with their bs and low energy.

I have a distant cousin who is an orphan. He married a much older widow (by 10 years), who could not have children. She also wasn't very attractive but was great at fulfilling wifely duties. This cousin of mine is not the flashy type and is not someone who likes to take care of his appearance. He is very introverted, socially awkward, and never dated or had a girlfriend. My dad was concerned that he might not find her appealing down the road. My dad is the type who believes that you have to have some physical attraction to the person you marry. What my dad failed to see was that my cousin wasn't marrying for that at all. He, himself, has a low sex drive. He wanted a wife whose energy matched that, and that she needed to understand he was marrying her simply to have companionship and for someone to take care of the household duties. In the beginning, she struggled a lot to adjust because she had an affectionate relationship with her late husband, who was vastly different from my distant cousin. But over time, she accepted the marriage for what it was and they've been married for decades now without drama - or at least that we know of. They never come to family gatherings/events, not even for funerals. To put it bluntly, this distant cousin of mine wanted to live an isolated life but he still wanted someone to do the dishes. lol

[JonniJacko]

Some people are amazing on the surface level and there can be quite a lot of chemistry, but you're on different trajectories. In fact, you two have different destinations. Sometimes a person breaks up with you not because of what you couldn't give them, but because they already know that they can't fulfill you. Basically, they're going to pick someone who is going to put up with their bs and low energy.

I have a distant cousin who is an orphan. He married a much older widow (by 10 years), who could not have children. She also wasn't very attractive but was great at fulfilling wifely duties. This cousin of mine is not the flashy type and is not someone who likes to take care of his appearance. He is very introverted, socially awkward, and never dated or had a girlfriend. My dad was concerned that he might not find her appealing down the road. My dad is the type who believes that you have to have some physical attraction to the person you marry. What my dad failed to see was that my cousin wasn't marrying for that at all. He, himself, has a low sex drive. He wanted a wife whose energy matched that, and that she needed to understand he was marrying her simply to have companionship and for someone to take care of the household duties. In the beginning, she struggled a lot to adjust because she had an affectionate relationship with her late husband, who was vastly different from my distant cousin. But over time, she accepted the marriage for what it was and they've been married for decades now without drama - or at least that we know of. They never come to family gatherings/events, not even for funerals. To put it bluntly, this distant cousin of mine wanted to live an isolated life but he still wanted someone to do the dishes. lol

LOL. Smart guy.

Well, yes, I had to be honest to this particular one. Sometimes we get hurt, and sometimes we do the hurt. It's about being brutally honest and understanding.