Ramblings

[TuesdaysGirl]

A trigger, a memory, and the past seem like yesterday.

[TuesdaysGirl]

I'm bored!
 

[TuesdaysGirl]

"Do you know you're grinning like an idiot?"
The question evoked a laugh from her, a girlie sound that sounded like music to his ears, and he waited as she regarded him with a familiarity and ease that came from years of friendship rather than minutes.
"I'm happy," she said, as if those two words should've explained everything.
It didn't and he gave her the look.
"I'm happy," she repeated, explaining. "Life's as close to perfect as it can be for me. I'm becoming the epitome of who I want to be. Do you know how that feels? To know that everything you want is within your grasp. The knowledge of it is dizzyingly. Part of me feels like I'm drunk."
He noted her wide smile and the gleam in her brown eyes and wondered where she'd been all his life. Wondered what he had to do to keep her in his life. She was everything she claimed, the epitome of beauty and brains. The open honesty in her eyes were as clear as water, the innocence surrounding her lured him like a cat to a mouse.

===================
 
La de da! La de da! La de da!

Hmmmm......... ..
Hmmmmm........
Hmmmmmm.....
Hmmmmmmm...

[TuesdaysGirl]

God only knows how I've needed a friend
Who can see the boldness and pride
Someone strong enough I
can put my faith in
Someone willing to let me inside
So be a man and be my man

I dare you to need me
Like nobody else
I dare you to feel me
Like you've never felt
I dare you to want to want
To wanna be good to me

Baby you've got your reasons
Dangling from kite strings
But you can open your
hands, let them fly
Oh I know you wont always
say and do the right
things
Oh but some things are worth a try
So if you can, be my man

I dare you to know me
Like I've never known
I dare you to show me
That I can be shown
Dare you to want to want
To wanna be good to me

Tell me I,
Tell me I'm the one who deserves you
Oh and every time, every
time you know that you
want to
I dare you

I dare you to hold me
Like you never will (again)
Kiss me and leave the
world standing still
Dare you to want to want

***************************************


I know what makes me comfortable
I know what makes me tick
And when I need to get my way I know how to pour it on thick
Cream and sugar in my coffee
Right away when I awake
I face the day and pray to God I won't make the same mistakes
Oh the rest is out of my hands

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

I don't know my Father
Or my Mother well enough
Seems like every time we talk we can't get past the little stuff
The pain is self inflicted
I know it's not good for my health
But it's easier to please the world than it is to please myself
Oh the rest is out of my hands

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

Right now I can't care about how everyone else will feel
I have enough hurt of my own to heal

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can


************************************

Dear Mrs Shaman,
I'm happy. Deliriously drunk, singing off tune happy.
Thank you.

[TuesdaysGirl]

/the look    

Close

[TuesdaysGirl]

I wish my baby niece wasn't sick
I wish my sister wasn't going through something a mother never should
I wish as her older sister I could take away all the heartache
I wish everything was the way it was a week ago
I wish Christmas would turn out the way I'd hoped
I wish the year wasn't ending on such a sour note
I wish....

Life just about sucks at the moment. There's nothing like an unexpected illness to ruin the holidays. But it's okay. We'll pull through. And in the end this tragedy would have made all of us stronger.

"I've made peace with the fact that there's nothing wrong w/ being a 2*, never-been-kiss virgin." she said.

Despite everything, I'm hopeful that tomorrow will be better than today.

[TuesdaysGirl]

it's family that makes
the holidays special

I concur.

[TuesdaysGirl]

I dreamt she was home. She was happy and active, the niece I know. The outgoing two year old who stole everyone's hearts from the moment she came into this world. Then I woke. It was just a dream And tears came into my eyes.

I miss her.
The old her.
I cry for her,
because I have no idea how the new her would be.
I know she'll overcome this
She's strong
We're strong
Still, a part of me wishes.

[TuesdaysGirl]

Since it's a once a year thing, 2 pictures from my Saturday.



Overall, the New Year was as expected. I had a fairly good time. The food wasn't horrible. And as luck would have it, it wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be.

[TuesdaysGirl]

Tonight I was once again reminded that guys are wusses and the weaker sex. A little cold and they act as if their lives' ending. Sheesh! 

[TuesdaysGirl]

 
People living their lives for you on tv
They say theyre better than you and you agree
He says hold my calls from behind those cold brick walls
Says come here boys, there aint nothing for free
Another doctors bill, another lawyers bill, another cute cheap thrill
You know you love him if you put him in your will, but ...

Who will save your soul when it comes to the flowers now
Who will save your soul after all the lies that you told, boy
Who will save your soul if you wont save your own?

We try to hustle them, try to bustle them, try to cuss them
The cops want someone to bust down on orleans avenue
Another day, another dollar, another war, another tower
Went up to where the homeless had their homes
So we pray to as many different gods are there are flowers
But we call religion our friend
Were so worried about saving our souls
Afraid that God will take his toll that we forget to begin but

Who will save your soul when it comes to the flowers now
Who will save your soul after all the lies that you told, boy
Who will save your soul if you wont save your own?

Some are walking, some are talking, some are stalking their kill
You got social security, but that dont pay your bills
There are addictions to feed and there are mouths to pay
So you bargain with the devil, say youre o.k. for today
You say that you love them, take their money and run
Say, its been swell, sweetheart, but it was just one of those things
Those flings, those strings youve got to cut
So get out on the streets, girls, and bust your butts

Who will save your soul when it comes to the flowers now
Who will save your soul after all the lies that you told, boy
Who will save your soul if you wont save your own?

[TuesdaysGirl]

Hello journal. It's been a while, but I'm back--for the time being.
How are you?
I'm great! Nothing much has changed. I'm still me, except, maybe, a few pounds lighter.
It's a good thing.
Thank you.
I miss you too.

----------------------------

Two days and I've yet to adjust to the time change. It's killing me! It's Killing Me! IT'S KILLING ME!

---------------------------

"Do you know what I just realized?"
He slightly shook his head.
"If I was living during the Regency era, I would now be considered a spinster. Sad, huh?"
He eyed her dubiously. "What are you implying?"
She hung her head and sighed. "Never mind."

[TuesdaysGirl]

Where, oh where, are you rain? 

---------------------------------------------

I love the Google sign of the day. Love it! Love it! Love it! Ahhh....innoce nt times.

=============================

It was just supposed to be a short walk on the wild side. Quick and harmless. A temporary break from my ordered, safe, normal life.

I should’ve known better.

Nothing was ever that easy.

A self-deprecating laugh escaped my mouth as I considered the too late realization. Fleetingly, I thought of my high school physics class, of actions and reactions and consequences.

Consequences.

The word resonated through my head like a Chinese gong. Grasping the edge of the small table, I closed my eyes to wave off the imbalance. For the last month, I’d thought of nothing but consequences.

Of what I did. Of what I should do. Of what I could do. Of what I would do.

“Hi.”

The unfamiliar sound stilled the vibration in my head. Opening my eyes, I took in the stranger who was now as much a part of me as anyone person could be.

[TuesdaysGirl]

It’s funny how the little things can make us so happy:
I’m happy my room is finally bright again.
I’m happy it finally rained.
I’m happy I spent an hour with a cup of ice-cream, watching and listening to the rain.
I’m happy the laundry’s done.
I’m happy my room is clean.
Such little things...
So many smiles.

-------------------------

“I have to go home.”

The smile he greeted her with vanished as he closed the house door. “Where?”

“Home,” she repeated, regretting the decision to tell him of her leave in person.

He gave no indication he’d heard her. He merely stared, his brown eyes narrowed, darkening.

“I’m all ready,” she explained. It took all her willpower not to flinch away from his penetrating gaze. “I..I just wanted to tell you in person.”

 â€œYou’re leaving now?” he demanded, finally breaking his gaze.

She heard the anger in his question and wondered why. He couldn’t be that mad that she’d taken up a few minutes of his time. After all, he was her husband. Common courtesy demanded she let him know she was leaving.

She nodded, not wanting to say anything that would further incite his anger.

He must’ve noticed her wariness because he sighed then, his jaw no longer taunt. “There was no need to wait for me,” he said. “You should’ve left.”

His response was unexpected. Still, she was hurt by how uncaring he was. He started upstairs, toward his bedroom, and she debated whether to tell him why she was leaving. “I…” she began.

“There’s something else?” he interrupted, impatiently, from on top the stairs.

“No,” she decided. “I’m going now. Have a good evening.”

He stiffened. Without another word, he entered the master bedroom and closed the door.

She sighed. Grabbing her bag, she took one last look at the house that was to be her resident for the next year. Part of her silently thanked god that her marriage with him was only temporary.

Opening the front door, she thought of home, of her family, of love, and the tragedy that awaited her.

[TuesdaysGirl]

It’s amazing how many pairs of black shoes a person has.

I’ve decided that I’m happy being a size medium. Who cares if I’m fat! I’m happy and that’s what counts. Besides, at least I can enjoy a huge bowl of ice cream every now and then.

I love my mom, but my god!—she’s kind of getting on my nerves. Please, let it pass soon.

P.S : I hope the weather gets a little warmer.