PebHmong Discussion Forum
Creative Corner => Online Journal => Topic started by: TuesdaysGirl on March 29, 2008, 07:30:53 PM
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:)
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I want a man like Jamie Fraser. :smitten:sighs
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:confused1: :dontknow: :icon_scratch:
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Everyone has problems, not just me.
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I have a problem...
I misplaced your number and now i can't call you anymore
so PM it to me again please
thanks :D
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Women can be such B*s, even me.
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What a long day!
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I live in dreams.....
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I am my mother's daughter.....
Truly
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What am I waiting for?
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Goodness, it's windy!
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I know nothing....... .
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Humans are odd, odd creatures..... :sleepy5: :sleepy5:
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I feel so lost. I don't know what I want anymore.
Sighs..... Time for a good cry. :'(
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cry all you want. wait all you want, but you know what, dont waste your time on something that isnt much, on the other hand i'm free wink wink
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you won't be 17 forever!
>:(
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8)
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hey tuesday lady, one day you'll see him wink wink it maybe me wink wink
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Gosh! I wish everyone had the power to delete unwanted posts from their threads....... .............. ........
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I'm bored. Bored. Bored. Anxious. I need change. I need peace. I need to eat. Like seriously. I've been losing so much hair from lack of nutrients and was forced to cut it short this past weekend. Sad really, because I now look like Dora the Explorer and my niece. Not good!
Food just seem sooooo blah! these days. It doesn't matter what it is. I can hardly eat more than a bite or two before wanting to vomit.
Hmmm.....wonde r if something's wrong? Maybe it's just the heat. Maybe it's just me. Oh wells, hoping it'll pass because I already miss my long hair.
I can't believe summer's flying by. I've yet to do anything exciting. Or accomplish what I wanted to. It seems bleak, but this summer is turning out to be yet another disappointment . Maybe I'll do something wild to celebrate my birthday in a few weeks.
Maybe.......
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Happy! Extremely so! Grinning like an idiot happy!
Ice cream, you are my weakness. Yummmmmmy. I had two big scoops. It was heavenly.
Today was a good day. My mom dropped me off at work this morning and we had a nice mother-daughter conversation. It's been a while since our last one and I enjoyed it. I'm now caught up with the latest gossips and news. And boy, was there a lot!
Dear Mrs. Shaman,
Please make tomorrow as great as today.
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I'm stuck in the past. And I'm becoming way too obsess with North & South.
Dear Mrs. Shaman,
Why does it feel like I belong to another time period? And where is my own John Thornton?
R.A.....you give me butterflies.
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I'm stuck in the past. And I'm becoming way too obsess with North & South.
Dear Mrs. Shaman,
Why does it feel like I belong to another time period? And where is my own John Thornton?
R.A.....you give me butterflies.
Don't you wish you have a DeLorean??? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DeLorean_time_machine
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Cold, cold, go away.
Come again at winter time!
:'( There's nothing worse than feeling like C-R-A-P and looking like Rudolph the Reindeer when it's 100 plus outside. Thank god, tomorrow's Friday. If Mrs. Shaman's on my side, tomorrow will pass by in a blink. If not....
Please, Please, Please, let the work day fly by. Please.
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Oh, sweet morning
Is your head not right
Did you hear my warning
This is the time of times
And your head feels like your body
You mind is close behind
There’s a teardrop on your shoulder
Says this is the time of times
It’s the time of times again
This is the time of times
It’s the time of times again
Oh, sweet morning
And your head's not right
Did you hear my warning
This is the time of times
And your head feels like your body
Your mind is close behind
There’s a teardrop on your shoulder
Says this is the time of times
It’s the time of times again
The time of times
Yeah this is the time of times
I finally rid myself of the bothersome cold this weekend. It's a good thing.
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Reflection time....
I can't believe 08 is flying by. My god! Don't you wish you could stop the hand of time every now and then?
Well, it's official, I'm a year away from being in my mid-20s. I don't feel any different. But then, who really does? I hope this is my year. It's shaping up to be. I feel good. I look great. Things are going as plan, though, not as quick as I want them to. But then, I'm an instant-gratification kind of gal. As my mother would say, patience, patience, patience.
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"Do you?"
"Yes. Is it so wrong?" She straightened. "You're making me choose?"
"Can you?" he asked.
She stared. "You know the answer."
"Right."
:'(
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Fan girl scream. AHHahahaahaha! Dr. Sara's back! ;D ;D ;D :D :D :D YAY! Finally, I can watch Prison Break again. Sheesh! I was so pissed-off and heart-broken when they killed her off I stopped watching. Now I can again.
BTW....W.Mille r: you're still a hottie and I'll gladly have your babies anyday! ;D
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he's gay. :(
Really? There goes my dreams.... :'(
Oh well, he's still great eye-candy.
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"Have you ever been lonely? So lonely it ate away at you, piece by piece, like a woodpecker chipping away? So lonely your heart ached for a single word. Have you ever sat alone in an empty room and listened to the clock tick by, waiting for the loneliness to end?"
She shook her head. "No."
He regarded her intently, a mixture of pity and understanding. "Then don't ask why."
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"I love you."
"I know." He smiled, pityingly. "But not as much as them. Is that right?"
"Yes," she answered, without hesitation. Without shame. Without regret.
"I'll always come second."
She stared at him, her heart aching, his understanding knifing away at her. "I don't know."
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Hmmm....I wonder if virginity's overrated or underrated these days....
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Hey there stranger
Do you remember?
You were a part of my life
Early December
Think I remember?
Sentiment cuts like a knife
The seasons are changing
Life's rearranging
Full of could've dones
Would've beens
It's all your fault
And where have you been
And how time goes
And now I dont even know
How to fill in the spaces
of the love you erased in my life
Are you where you want to be?
Did you get there easily?
Did they make you sacrifice?
Did you make a sharp left
When you should've turned right?
Are you where you want to be?
Did you sell off all of your gold
Did you trade it in?
Did you wait for love
Or settle for somebody to hold?
And barely symphonic
But strangely ironic
Moments contained in one glance
Oh how I adored you
But now I'm ignored by you
No evidence of romance
And now it's vaguely familiar
I think I remember sharing every single intimacy
It doesn't seem so strange to me that we barely entertained
Even the politest of phrases
But sometimes at night
I conjure you up in my mind
Are you where you want to be?
Did you get there easily?
Did they make you sacrifice?
Did you make a sharp left
When you should've turned right?
Are you where you want to be?
Did you sell off all of your gold
Did you trade it in?
Did you wait for love
Or settle for somebody to hold?
While I was busy
Perfecting the art
Of deflecting compliments
I took it too far
And I let a ripple run right through my heart
Of battle stations we're building
You and I just grew apart
We grow apart
While I decided
To make everyone else happy
I just put aside
My foolish pride
I guess I denied
My own desire
I was too busy pleasing
To ever be pleased
I forgot how to breathe
Or question anything
Or ask why?
Am I?
Am I where I want to be?
Did I get here easily?
Did I make a sacrifice?
Did I take a sharp left
When I should've turned right?
Am I where I want to be?
Can I sell of all of my gold?
Can I trade it in?
Will I wait for Love
Or settle for somebody to hold
I'd settle for somebody to hold me now
You know that I've been up and I've been down
I've been picked up and spun around
I'd do it all again
If I could just have somebody to hold me now
I just need somebody to hold me now
Could somebody hold me now?
I just want somebody to hold me now
I'd do it all again
-------------
Sentimental B.S: My heart's bleeding...... .
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"Something's wrong with you."
She stared at the person. "I'm fine."
"No." The person's head shook in added emphasis. "Something's wrong. What is it?"
"Nothing." But her eyes lowered and her face flushed.
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LOL! ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D
DAM*N! The world sure is small. LOL! Six degrees of separation. Hehehehe :D :D :D
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Dear Mrs. Shaman,
Guys are D..KS! I...TS! J..KS! S........S!
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My day:
Woke up.
Got ready.
Rushed to work.
Was late anyways.
Tried to stay awake at work.
Starved.
Went on break.
Ate lunch: Corn pops.
Tried to stay awake again.
Went on break again.
Tried to stay awake for the third time.
Came home.
Ate a mango.
Scribbled.
Got bored.
Came on PH.
Will leave soon.
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I'm sad.
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
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I'M HAPPY AGAIN! ;D
To Monday: Welcome! See you soon.
Oh my, I can't believe I'm looking forward to the New Years this year. Most of all, I can't believe I'm dressing up. I actually spent $300 this morning having Hmong clothes made. ;D I better look REALLY good. ;D
P.S - I've been making a lot of progress on my w._.i_._._.g.. ...it's a good thing.
P.S.S - To whoever keeps smiting me ---- :P
P.S.S.S - I hope I have a great week.
P.S.S.S.S - I'm loving the weather. Ahhhh....the colors! The sweaters! The breeze!
P.S.S.S.S.S - To whomever is reading this: I hope you're having a great day or night! Smile! :)
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"Your cheeks look a little fuller and your skin's not as pale."
"I look happy?"
"No. Healthy."
She smiled. "I feel it."
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I think I'm coming down with something..... it's so cold and I'm shaking.
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I'm worried. Things are piling up and I feel cornered. Unshed tears wait to fall.
Life's all about changes.....ho w much have I changed?
"Let go," he said.
She shook her head. "I can't. Don't you think I want to? Because I do. So much it pains me. I want to close my eyes and forget every single worry. I want to close my eyes and feel free. But I can't. I won't. My world would crumble and I'll fall."
"I'll catch you."
She gave him a skeptical smile. It was a lie, she told herself. He wouldn't. It was better to hold on to what she had. Wishful thinking was for the naive. She wasn't naive. Not completely.
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Family = my world
Nothing would ever change that.
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I'm exhausted! I could fall into my bed, hug my pillow, and fall asleep.
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in other words
he'll catch your panties
as they fall to the ground ;D
Speaking from experience?
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It's raining....the first shower of the season. I hate it! Everything's gloomy and dark. The pond outside my window resembles a dark hole waiting to swallow you whole.
I want the sun! I want blue skies! I want to feel happy! Instead, I feel soooooo blah!
Rain, rain, please, please, please, please x 1,000,000 GO AWAY!
I have no plans, just as I have no social life, so more than likely I'll read today. The new one my J. Quinn sounds promising, though, I HATED her last one. Hate's too strong a word, it just wasn't up to par with her usual standards. The last few books by her have been following this pattern.
I hope it doesn't turn out to be like H.W.W by S. James. That book, I HATED. I was so mad after finishing it I wanted to toss the book against the wall, rip out the pages one by one, and set it on fire. I pictured myself laughing evilly as the pages go up in flames before withering into tiny specks.
I didn't. Mainly, because I could never get a lighter or matches to work. Plus, I didn't want to appear nuts.
+1 for terrible book
0 for me
Just like my fight with the evil refrigerator at work. No matter how much I pulled yesterday, it wouldn't open. I almost fell on my backside trying to open it. The door was suctioned tight. I finally gave up and allowed my amused co-worker to try. She had no problem.
+1 for evil refrigerator
0 for me!
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Two journal entries in one day....gosh, today has been a long day.
Well, I'm almost done w/ J.Q's latest. Let's just say:
+2 for terrible books
0 for me
Need I say more?
On another note, my mom just gave me some happy news. Though, I can't imagine being 15 and having a baby. At 15 my greatest worry was missing my favorite Saturday morning cartoons. It crushed me every time I missed Recess. Kids today are maturing waaaaaaaaayyyy too fast.
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I'm such a sucker for sob stories. :-\
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Page 4....wowie!
I'm invincible. Truly! That explains it.
Is that why? Is that why you don't notice me?
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I'm TIRED!!!!!!!
Thank god tomorrow's Friday. Plus, it's a three-day weekend. YAY!
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too much k-drama can do that
::) ::) ::) ::) ::)
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This is how I'm feeling at the moment:
...........
What about you?
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I am not a bad driver, I am not a bad driver, I am NOT a bad driver.
I'm NOT!
Trust me......
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I'm ready to date, to fall happily, I'm-unable-to-stop smiling in love.
I think....
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"I want you. You want her. She wants him. He wants him. Sounds like we're back in high school."
Laughter lit his brown eyes. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"You know."
"For telling me the truth." She regarded him earnestly. "For being honest and letting me know you don't love me. Don't be. I'm glad."
"You've been a great friend."
A small smile touched her lips. "You wouldn't think so if you knew I was secretly rooting for her."
"You are?"
"Of course." She turned and started walking away. "Since I can't have you, I don't want her to either."
Laughter escaped him. "I'm going to regret letting you go, aren't I?"
"Definitely," she answered. Without turning around she briskly walked away.
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This is enough
This is my last try
At this place without you
Learning what you said was love
In order to make you happy
I chose loneliness
Cause I believe in love
I’m holding on but it hurts so badly
Cause I believe in love
I thought I’d be happy till the end
It’s not that I don’t understand love’s frailties
It’s just that I can’t let go right now
So I keep hanging on
Loving wrong is etched into who I am
Love might make me more brave
The tomorrow I desire
Won’t have anything to do with you
Cause I believe in love
I thought I’d be happy till the end
Cause I believe in love
It’s not that I don’t understand love’s frailties
It’s just that I can’t let go right now
I’m just foolishly hanging on
I’ve never let go
I hope one day
You’ll understand
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I think a spider bit me......
Tonight was the first time in weeks since I've watched t.v. I didn't miss out on much apparently. It was good to catch a little of Supernatural------>I want a HOT guy like J.A w/ J.P's height! Iron chef was okay....it was a new episode to me. It also made me veeeeeeeeery hungry.
The weekend appears to be busy. A grandmother in the family just passed away and the funeral's this weekend. Per my dear mommy, I have to make an appearance. Which means I have to shop for something black tomorrow. Goodie, an excuse to shop :)
All is well in my part of the world.
P.S: I hope you're dreaming of me P.C.
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A tragic love story...
what could've been...
...but didn't.
My heart breaks.
==============================
Good morning sunshine,
How are you?
I can't sleep.
Are you having the same problem?
Some things are just that simple. There's no need to read between the lines.
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It's funny how random things happen. Just like this past weekend when I ran into an old friend. We were both in the same store shopping and after passing each other a few times finally realized we knew each other. It was so out of the blue, so unexpected, I still smile just thinking about it.
She's doing great. It was good talking to her again, even if it was in passing. I'll have to make a note to get together with her soon.
The funeral was okay. Just what you would expect.
Okay.
The word perfectly describes my life at the moment. Okay. Everything's okay. Everyone's okay. Life's okay.
OKAY
OKAy
OKay
Okay
okay
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Some people are just simple-minded idiots!
Today has been a tiring day. Work was a chore. I'm stuck on my W. I just want the weekend to arrive already.
PLEASE
PLEASe
PLEAse
PLEase
PLease
Please
please
pretty
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Today was yet, another long, hard day. I'm feeling down. Not sad, but down. The kind you get when every thing goes wrong and it's pouring and you're locked out of your car without an umbrella and a murder is hovering above you. That kind of down.
I know there are worse things happening in the world at the moment--murders, deaths, starvation, the slipping stock market--and I really have nothing to be unhappy about. But I am. Is it okay? Is it okay to feel this unhappy? Even when I have no real reason to be.
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I love my mom. If I become 1/10th the woman she is, I would have succeeded.
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A trigger, a memory, and the past seem like yesterday.
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I'm bored!
:(
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"Do you know you're grinning like an idiot?"
The question evoked a laugh from her, a girlie sound that sounded like music to his ears, and he waited as she regarded him with a familiarity and ease that came from years of friendship rather than minutes.
"I'm happy," she said, as if those two words should've explained everything.
It didn't and he gave her the look.
"I'm happy," she repeated, explaining. "Life's as close to perfect as it can be for me. I'm becoming the epitome of who I want to be. Do you know how that feels? To know that everything you want is within your grasp. The knowledge of it is dizzyingly. Part of me feels like I'm drunk."
He noted her wide smile and the gleam in her brown eyes and wondered where she'd been all his life. Wondered what he had to do to keep her in his life. She was everything she claimed, the epitome of beauty and brains. The open honesty in her eyes were as clear as water, the innocence surrounding her lured him like a cat to a mouse.
===================
:P
La de da! La de da! La de da!
Hmmmm......... ..
Hmmmmm........
Hmmmmmm.....
Hmmmmmmm...
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God only knows how I've needed a friend
Who can see the boldness and pride
Someone strong enough I
can put my faith in
Someone willing to let me inside
So be a man and be my man
I dare you to need me
Like nobody else
I dare you to feel me
Like you've never felt
I dare you to want to want
To wanna be good to me
Baby you've got your reasons
Dangling from kite strings
But you can open your
hands, let them fly
Oh I know you wont always
say and do the right
things
Oh but some things are worth a try
So if you can, be my man
I dare you to know me
Like I've never known
I dare you to show me
That I can be shown
Dare you to want to want
To wanna be good to me
Tell me I,
Tell me I'm the one who deserves you
Oh and every time, every
time you know that you
want to
I dare you
I dare you to hold me
Like you never will (again)
Kiss me and leave the
world standing still
Dare you to want to want
***************************************
I know what makes me comfortable
I know what makes me tick
And when I need to get my way I know how to pour it on thick
Cream and sugar in my coffee
Right away when I awake
I face the day and pray to God I won't make the same mistakes
Oh the rest is out of my hands
I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can
I don't know my Father
Or my Mother well enough
Seems like every time we talk we can't get past the little stuff
The pain is self inflicted
I know it's not good for my health
But it's easier to please the world than it is to please myself
Oh the rest is out of my hands
I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can
Right now I can't care about how everyone else will feel
I have enough hurt of my own to heal
I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can
************************************
Dear Mrs Shaman,
I'm happy. Deliriously drunk, singing off tune happy.
Thank you.
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/the look :o
Close
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I wish my baby niece wasn't sick
I wish my sister wasn't going through something a mother never should
I wish as her older sister I could take away all the heartache
I wish everything was the way it was a week ago
I wish Christmas would turn out the way I'd hoped
I wish the year wasn't ending on such a sour note
I wish....
Life just about sucks at the moment. There's nothing like an unexpected illness to ruin the holidays. But it's okay. We'll pull through. And in the end this tragedy would have made all of us stronger.
"I've made peace with the fact that there's nothing wrong w/ being a 2*, never-been-kiss virgin." she said.
Despite everything, I'm hopeful that tomorrow will be better than today.
-
it's family that makes
the holidays special
I concur.
-
I dreamt she was home. She was happy and active, the niece I know. The outgoing two year old who stole everyone's hearts from the moment she came into this world. Then I woke. It was just a dream And tears came into my eyes.
I miss her.
The old her.
I cry for her,
because I have no idea how the new her would be.
I know she'll overcome this
She's strong
We're strong
Still, a part of me wishes.
-
Since it's a once a year thing, 2 pictures from my Saturday.
Overall, the New Year was as expected. I had a fairly good time. The food wasn't horrible. And as luck would have it, it wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be.
-
Tonight I was once again reminded that guys are wusses and the weaker sex. A little cold and they act as if their lives' ending. Sheesh! ::)
-
:coolsmiley: :coolsmiley: :coolsmiley: :coolsmiley: :coolsmiley: :coolsmiley:
People living their lives for you on tv
They say theyre better than you and you agree
He says hold my calls from behind those cold brick walls
Says come here boys, there aint nothing for free
Another doctors bill, another lawyers bill, another cute cheap thrill
You know you love him if you put him in your will, but ...
Who will save your soul when it comes to the flowers now
Who will save your soul after all the lies that you told, boy
Who will save your soul if you wont save your own?
We try to hustle them, try to bustle them, try to cuss them
The cops want someone to bust down on orleans avenue
Another day, another dollar, another war, another tower
Went up to where the homeless had their homes
So we pray to as many different gods are there are flowers
But we call religion our friend
Were so worried about saving our souls
Afraid that God will take his toll that we forget to begin but
Who will save your soul when it comes to the flowers now
Who will save your soul after all the lies that you told, boy
Who will save your soul if you wont save your own?
Some are walking, some are talking, some are stalking their kill
You got social security, but that dont pay your bills
There are addictions to feed and there are mouths to pay
So you bargain with the devil, say youre o.k. for today
You say that you love them, take their money and run
Say, its been swell, sweetheart, but it was just one of those things
Those flings, those strings youve got to cut
So get out on the streets, girls, and bust your butts
Who will save your soul when it comes to the flowers now
Who will save your soul after all the lies that you told, boy
Who will save your soul if you wont save your own?
-
Hello journal. It's been a while, but I'm back--for the time being.
How are you?
I'm great! Nothing much has changed. I'm still me, except, maybe, a few pounds lighter.
It's a good thing.
Thank you.
I miss you too.
----------------------------
Two days and I've yet to adjust to the time change. It's killing me! It's Killing Me! IT'S KILLING ME!
---------------------------
"Do you know what I just realized?"
He slightly shook his head.
"If I was living during the Regency era, I would now be considered a spinster. Sad, huh?"
He eyed her dubiously. "What are you implying?"
She hung her head and sighed. "Never mind."
-
Where, oh where, are you rain? :-\
---------------------------------------------
I love the Google sign of the day. Love it! Love it! Love it! Ahhh....innoce nt times.
=============================
It was just supposed to be a short walk on the wild side. Quick and harmless. A temporary break from my ordered, safe, normal life.
I should’ve known better.
Nothing was ever that easy.
A self-deprecating laugh escaped my mouth as I considered the too late realization. Fleetingly, I thought of my high school physics class, of actions and reactions and consequences.
Consequences.
The word resonated through my head like a Chinese gong. Grasping the edge of the small table, I closed my eyes to wave off the imbalance. For the last month, I’d thought of nothing but consequences.
Of what I did. Of what I should do. Of what I could do. Of what I would do.
“Hi.â€
The unfamiliar sound stilled the vibration in my head. Opening my eyes, I took in the stranger who was now as much a part of me as anyone person could be.
-
It’s funny how the little things can make us so happy:
I’m happy my room is finally bright again.
I’m happy it finally rained.
I’m happy I spent an hour with a cup of ice-cream, watching and listening to the rain.
I’m happy the laundry’s done.
I’m happy my room is clean.
Such little things...
So many smiles.
-------------------------
“I have to go home.â€
The smile he greeted her with vanished as he closed the house door. “Where?â€
“Home,†she repeated, regretting the decision to tell him of her leave in person.
He gave no indication he’d heard her. He merely stared, his brown eyes narrowed, darkening.
“I’m all ready,†she explained. It took all her willpower not to flinch away from his penetrating gaze. “I..I just wanted to tell you in person.â€
“You’re leaving now?†he demanded, finally breaking his gaze.
She heard the anger in his question and wondered why. He couldn’t be that mad that she’d taken up a few minutes of his time. After all, he was her husband. Common courtesy demanded she let him know she was leaving.
She nodded, not wanting to say anything that would further incite his anger.
He must’ve noticed her wariness because he sighed then, his jaw no longer taunt. “There was no need to wait for me,†he said. “You should’ve left.â€
His response was unexpected. Still, she was hurt by how uncaring he was. He started upstairs, toward his bedroom, and she debated whether to tell him why she was leaving. “I…†she began.
“There’s something else?†he interrupted, impatiently, from on top the stairs.
“No,†she decided. “I’m going now. Have a good evening.â€
He stiffened. Without another word, he entered the master bedroom and closed the door.
She sighed. Grabbing her bag, she took one last look at the house that was to be her resident for the next year. Part of her silently thanked god that her marriage with him was only temporary.
Opening the front door, she thought of home, of her family, of love, and the tragedy that awaited her.
-
It’s amazing how many pairs of black shoes a person has.
I’ve decided that I’m happy being a size medium. Who cares if I’m fat! I’m happy and that’s what counts. Besides, at least I can enjoy a huge bowl of ice cream every now and then.
I love my mom, but my god!—she’s kind of getting on my nerves. Please, let it pass soon.
P.S : I hope the weather gets a little warmer. :)
-
Since I'm bored:
The view outside my bedroom
My hobby, my obsession, my love
\
...MORE...
A flawed moi
...more flawed-ness...
-
:)
-
My song @ the moment:
"Tied Together With A Smile"
Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty
Is the face in the mirror looking back at you
You walk around here thinking you're not pretty
But that's not true, cause I know you...
Hold on, baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go... and no one knows
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone
I guess it's true that love was all you wanted
Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change
Hoping it will end up in his pocket
But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain
Oh, cause it's not his price to pay
Not his price to pay...
Hold on, baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go... and no one knows
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone
You're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone... oh
Goodbye, baby
Goodbye, baby
With a smile, baby, baby
=====================
My faith in humanity just went down a notch today......
What I learned from a popsicle Lesson 2:
What has spots and rides on a fire truck?
A fireman with the measles. :)
-
:D
-
:)
-
???
-
i take it you read romance novels
Do I? ;)
-
:)
-
;D
-
It's Wednesday. Sighs
Another day.
OH! Update: I won the war against the pickle jar. It was close and I almost cave, but I persevere, and in the end I won. Was it worth it?? Heck yes! :D :D :D
-
I am enchanted by your words :)
-
i knew it.
girls can open things by themselves.
usually it's a pitiful "mmf" attempt and then,
"can you open this for me?" with that smile.
you know. that smile that's half "poor me, i'm just a girl" puppy eyes
and half, "gee, i wonder if you're strong enough? i doubt it, but i'll give you a chance."
girls i tell ya. wicked things.
next time, i got one word for ya: perseverence.
Right. We wicked things have nothing better to do than twiddle own thumbs and ponder hoops for the men in our lives to jump through. ;) :-*
Why catch our own fish, slay our own dragon, and open our own jars when we have men? ;)
-
I am enchanted by your words :)
:)
-
Vanished…
-
:)
-
Hmm....let's see:
My car's dead
I gained back the 2 pounds I lost
Work is still work
The weather's getting too hot
There are a million things on my To Do list
I rarely get enough sleep
Who knows when I last went out on a date
And yet,
I pretty happy
:)
-
Ahh.....I'm so, so, so close. I can feel it in my bones, within my fingertips. This has to be it. It has to. Luck's on my side. When timing meets opportunity. My heart races, I'm breathless, I'm waiting....
Please, I say.
-
:)
-
ICK! I don't feel so good....
:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
-
:)
-
What a long day! I'm sooooooo tired and every bone in my body aches.
Was it worth it?
Definitely! :D
-
:)
-
Eek! This is still here..... :o
"They" say I'm a horrible driver, but I don't think so. Honestly, I'm not. Really. Trust me. Just because I happened to have hit 2 birds, and maybe a dog (mind you, not on the same day) and ran over a cat (it was already dead, okay) and slammed the front of my car into a pole, and rammed my driver side window against another pole (again, not on the same day) DOES not mean I'm a horrible driver. So, please, drop it.
-
I think I'm getting addicted to Ricola...and it's doing nothing to help my cold/cough. I should stop eating them....hmmm.. .I should, I will, right after this one.
-
;)
-
:)
-
:)
-
No! No! No!
Why! Why! Why!
Oh why! Oh why! Oh why!
Sick....on the eve before New Years eve. Urgh! >:(
-
Side note: I want a Roarke, darn it! :-*
-
:)
-
Oh goodie, Susie Lucie, a new page!
-
:)
-
???
-
:)
-
:)
-
:)
-
I swear, the Goddess of Lateness was out to get me this morning. It started with my alarm clock going haywire on me. Then I was stuck behind a slow moving truck. Only to get behind a slow moving car. And, to top it all off, every traffic light I came to decided to turn red.
It was not a good morning.
On the bright side, I no longer want to kill my characters. Although, it does hold some appeal. Hmmm.....food for thought.
-
My horrible, horrible, horrible week has finally ended. Sadly, the cycle continues. See you in four weeks horrible week. I hate you…
To lift my spirits during my horrible, horrible, horrible week I read N. Singh’s latest. And I have to say, it wasn’t as great as I had hoped. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still good, probably, better than any of the new releases this month.
Even so, I had such high hopes. The first book in the series was soooo good. You know, I-can’t-put-it-down, who-cares-if-I-have-to-wake-up-at-five-for-work good.
Sighs.
Oh well...I’ll still buy her next one on sight.
-
Are you in love?
Can you feel it? Can you feel the romance?
Ahh….it flutters, it warms, it heightens
Sweet kisses and tender touches
Bright eyes and warm smiles
Can you feel it?
Are you in love?
…I want to be
voiced the Virgin.
Glossy eyes
Brown and round
Innocence
thought He
Smiles
Naive
Ahh…
How can He not be?
Are you in love?
After thinking about it for quite some time (okay, maybe it wasn’t that lengthy) I’ve come to the conclusion that I just can’t be sad. I’m too chippidy. Too happy. Too darn uppity. I can mope around for a few days, three at the most, and that’s it.
How tragic!
Right, are you in love?
Am I?
-
I feel like dancing
in the Garden
underneath the Dark clouds
Barefooted
Silent
and
Free
come Join me
won't You?
I should be glad. Things have returned to normal. "He" no longer seeks me out. No more lingering looks, no more smiles, no more casual interruptions.
I should be glad.
I am.
And yet…
I feel like dancing…
…be my Partner?
-
I’m on a high. Ahh...it feels sooo good. No wonder, no wonder people are willing to do whatever, pay whatever, to be this happy. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind shilling out the big bucks to keep this smile. LOL.
Of course, my drug’s free. All from within, darling.
Try it.
Magical, yes?
:)
-
O me, O my!
Can you believe it?
Spring is just around the corner!
The realization hit me this afternoon when I noticed that the trees outside the office were blossoming. I can hardly wait for the sweet scent of flowers, the picturesque array of colors, and the nuisances that are allergies.
Can you believe it?
-
"Has it mattered to you, when you wondered?"
She nodded, but did not speak.
Kiss her, give her pleasure and be silent now, you maudlin fool. He knew full well he should end this conversation. However, he did not like to think of her wondering, and assuming she could not even ask without being thought an unsophisticate d scold.
The vows that they had exchanged were supposed to take care of this question, but of course they usually did not.
"It seems only fair that we exchange gifts, I think. I will not take lovers either."
She looked so astonished, so utterly amazed, that he almost laughed. But something else in her eyes touched him deeply, and he would never forget the way she looked at that moment.
"It will be very nice not to wonder anymore," she said softly. "However, if one day you—"
He touched her lips to silence her. He did not want her to release him from this promise before he even discovered if
he could keep it.
"If someday one of us regrets this choice, we will talk about it, and try to remember when it mattered."
And why.
:) - Ravishing in Red, M.H
-
Laundry day...ahh, the comfort of the mundane. Wash, dry, fold, hang -- a great book in between. There's nothing better than a lazy Sunday.
While browsing one of the romance forums on Amazon, I stumble upon a topic that caught my attention: "Does your husband (or significant other) resent your reading?"
The question left me wondering. What if the man I love resents my reading? I've always assumed my future husband or s/o would embrace this interest of my. In my perfect imagination "he" would find my reading enduring, a lovable quirk that makes me who I am.
What if he doesn’t? What if this man that I have yet to meet and love resents this part of me?
-
The question left me wondering. What if the man I love resents my reading? I've always assumed my future husband or s/o would embrace this interest of my. In my perfect imagination "he" would find my reading enduring, a lovable quirk that makes me who I am.
What if he doesn’t? What if this man that I have yet to meet and love resents this part of me?
you should ask yourself... why would you fall in love with someone who resents you for reading romance novels that has disrupted your sense of reality in actually finding a potential man (or woman) for you since now you expect them to be some cavalier knight.
-
Everything’s unraveling...I just might break.
-
What is to come cannot be avoided.
-
I'm so, so, so, so, so, so, so hungry! :'( :'( :'(
Two weeks without solid foods...I'm not sure I can do it.
:'( :'( :'(
-
Most people do not realize what they can do.
-
Most people do not realize what they can do.
:)
-
Candid photos from today’s outing in the sun:
-----------------
All in all, it was a fun day.
-
Not for the first time I awoke to my parents returning from their morning walk. I think it's sweet. Dad is too busy during the week to do much with mom so he's made it a routine to go on morning walks with her during the weekend.
As soon as they're ready, they'll probably head to the Flea or a Farmers' Market. They'll wander around, look at things they don't need, and return with oranges. LOL...dad and his oranges. He has to have his oranges.
...this is what I want. Someone who'll go on morning strolls with me. Someone who'll buy oranges with me.
-
Gosh, today has been a very, very, very unproductive day. I supposed everyone’s entitle to one every now and then.
Note to self – change the light bulbs in my room.
-
I'm tired. *sighs* Family.... I care more than I should.
"I made a vow," said she, gleefully.
"You what?"
"I made a vow this morning," she repeated.
"What is it?"
The corners of her mouth lifted sheepishly. "I'm going to get that first kiss."
"Really," he drawled.
She nodded, eyes ablaze with mirth.
Do you remember your first kiss?
Edited....beca use I have more to add.
HUGE sigh of relief....THANK GOD
Thank you, thank you, thank you
I can sleep tonight.
-
Life is all about moments. I live for moments. The sad, the painful, the heartfelt, the happy...moments.
Every so often, a person takes a step back and reflects. I'm reflecting at the moment.
Am I where I want to be? Not quite.
Am I who I want to be? Not quite.
Has things gone as planned? Not quite.
Not quite...not quite...not quite.
-
All fall short.
-
Quote from an adorable 3 year old:
"Mommy, how come the food made me feel not so happy. Like the hungry hungry caterpillar. Why mommy. Why the food don't love me."
-Ahh...A, you make Auntie S smile.
Things I must do this weekend:
1. Fix those light bulbs (I've yet to do so)
2. Get a trim (My hair's looking... :-X)
What must you do?
-
Give love. Give hope. And feed.
-
I really, really, really don't like the dentist.
The taste of blood lingers.
-
A round of duck, duck, goose. A race across the field. Ten times down the slide.
Flower Girls
Pa
May 8
Every year, as we've done for the past three years, my sisters and I come together on May eight to remember a woman we loved more than life and hated more than death.
Some people would call our gathering a tradition. A day we have set aside to honor our mother. We call it an awakening.
May eight is more than a memorial day for my sisters and I. It is a day of freedom. A day my sisters and I use to remind ourselves that our mother's hold cannot transcend death. That in death, our mother no longer holds any influential powers over our lives.
This isn't to say that my sisters and I don't love our mother. We loved her with a dedication that could not be broken in life. She was more than mom. She was our best friend, confidant, and counsel. She was anything we needed.
She was also our greatest enemy. Alive, she was our weakness, the one hold we could not break from, the conscience we did not always want, the roadblock we could not move.
So on this day of her birth my sisters and I come together to celebrate something we could not while our mother was alive: our independence from her.
Getting together on mom's birthday was my idea. As the oldest, I felt my sisters and I should do something since our mother's sudden death left us feeling cheated. It was as if fate robbed us of any opportunity we might have to sever the control she had over our lives. Soon after her passing my sisters and I found that she was still very much a part of our lives.
Thus, May eight was created.
On this day, my sisters and I come together to eat, drink, and share the things we've done. Things we never would have done had our mother still be alive. Secret things. Shameful things. Selfish things.
-
My siblings and I made mom very, very happy tonight. The joy on her beautiful face, the disbelief that crossed her brown eyes, her exuberant shout...I will never forget it. I can’t help but feel like a good daughter at the moment.
We love you mom, always.
-
Things I must do this weekend:
1. Fix those light bulbs (I've yet to do so) :(
2. Get a trim (My hair's looking... :-X) Check!
Yes...I'm still living in semi-darkness. I think I'll just wait until the last of the light bulbs goes out. I've waited this long...what's one more light bulb, right?
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i enjoyed reading your ramblings. hope you don't mind me subscribing.
-
i enjoyed reading your ramblings. hope you don't mind me subscribing.
:)
-
1.5 hours, 4 chickens: slit, defeathered, gutted & cleaned
1 cooked: herbs, salted
I am amazed.
Truly.
There's a reason why I so love Amanda Quick's heroines.
-
I saw A the other night.
"Auntie CC," she exclaimed, "I want to tell you a story!"
"Oh," I replied, "about what?"
She looked up at me, her eyes bright and mischievous. "Hula and the Nini," she said.
I looked at her, and then at my sister. My sister merely shrugged. "Okay," I said, giving A my undivided attention.
"Once upon a time," A started, scooting closer to me on the sofa, "there was Hula and the Nini." She made an exaggerated gesture with her hands. "Hula lived in a big castle. Like Cinderella." She smiled, wide. "I like Cinderella."
"Me too," I said.
"Okay," A agreed. "But I get to be Cinderella."
I nodded and directed her attention back to the story. "What happens to Hula?"
"Oh," she smiled, in the only way an almost four year old could. "Hula lived in the castle and then the Nini came. And he said, Hula, you can't leave. And you know what?"
"What?" I asked.
"And the Nini, he locked Hula in the castle Auntie CC."
I pretended to look aghast. "And then what happened?"
A smiled again. "And then Hula. She cried and she cried. But you know what?"
"What?" I asked.
"And then the Prince came." A turned dreamy-eyed. "The Prince came and he helped Hula. And then he got the Nini and he put the Nini in the tower. And the Prince said to the Nini, you stay right here!"
By this time, I'm on the verge of laughter. "Is that all?" I asked, as coolly as possible.
A nodded. "Auntie CC, will you play Barbie with me? I get to be Cinderella."
I looked at my sister and we laughed.
-
It sounds like you'll never escape your mother's loving clutches, even in death her shadow casts upon the lot of you! :)
Whats more freightening, waking up one day and realize you're nothing like your mother, or waking up one day and realizing you're just like your mother....
-
She writes...
It's ludicrous of me, to wait.
Twenty plus years, they said.
My life, thus far.
My future, so long.
No kisses, of yet.
Whispers, the shame.
No matter, I say.
Wait, I will.
For you, still.
You're, Him.
You are, my dream.
You are, it.
Find me, soon.
-
WOW! It sure is pouring today. Running in heels through drenching rain...yea, not that fun. Trust me.
As a result of the rain, I'll have to avoid the freeway and take the long way home. :( Which means, about 45 mins in the car...sighs.
-
8
-The number of times I've backed my car into my mom's hand-made cabinet. Lucky thing, it's still standing.
P.S: Today was still cold, still wet, and still raining.
Consolation: SUN tomorrow! :) (Unless the weatherman lied)
-
Heels...how I love kicking them off.
-
My brother had wonderful news this past weekend. I'm happy for him. We love her already.
She closed her eyes
against the coming sun.
Contentment settled.
Clarity -
charged, colorless, concise.
Complete.
That last light bulb: It's hanging in there.
-
I apologized to a door today. :-[ My coworker laughed her head off.
Thinking about the upcoming Mother's Day luncheon for all the mothers and grandmothers of the clan makes me tired. There's still so much to do. Let's see:
- Decor: checked! (I'm going with a yellow, purple & white color scheme. Anyone who
doesn't like it can, you know. My word is law on this. I'm not budging.)
- Wash, clean, dry: 100 plates
100 glass goblets
100 spoons & forks
20 glass pitchers
(Anything else we should use)
- Prep/Cook: Chicken (of course)
Mushroom-Tofu Soup
Fruit Skewers
Pan Fried Noodles
Chinese chicken salad
About 4 gallons of Thai/Chai tea
(A few more items that I've yet to think of)
Being a Hmong daughter is great, isn't it?
-
Things have been pretty hectic.
Work: QA, how I loathe thee! I can already see the backlogs. P&I - here we go again.
:( :( :( :(
-
LOOOOOOOONG Day!
I have a feeling this week's going to zoom by. There's still sooooooo much to do.
*Sighs*
-
Finally got everything together to do a mock set-up for the Mother's Day luncheon. I had a change of heart and decided against yellow.
-
There's something about washing dishes in the rain that I find enjoyable. Of course, I'm feeling loopy today. Still.
I had a feeling it would happen. Even so, finding out it did made me sad. The cleaning crew threw away the yogurt I accidently left over the weekend. I don't really care about the yogurt. It's the spoon! :'(
-
I love when people click "Reply to All" on emails without realizing it. It makes for some great laughs at times. :)
-
"Where do you want to go?"
"Wherever you want to take me."
.....sighs.....
:)
I love it.
-
:-\
I'm becoming a List Lady.
-
I had a Blonde moment this morning. I spent 2 good minutes digging through my bag looking for my key badge, my worry increasing with every passing second, only to realize I had it around my neck the whole time! :-[
Oh yes, and I fought with the evil refrigerator.
-
EXHAUSTED! Even so, it was such a wonderful day. So much pride and joy. As A would say, "Congratulation s Uncle Nou Nou."
-
I can't stop grinning. Yes! Yes! Yes! May 25th. Two more days. Tuesday.
The anticipation makes my heart race.
-
I'm soooo going to figure this out. Just watch me!
May 25th has come and go. Sadly, the buildup wasn't worth the wait. Oh well, that's life for you.
She gazed at him as if time had somehow made him unrecognizable, as if she had never once closed her eyes and knew his face as clearly as she did hers, as if they had never been one.
"Hi," he greeted.
Bittersweet recognition washed over her. It was him alright. There was no mistaking the way his silver eyes glinted when he smiled. In a glance she took in his appearance.
He was more attracted than she remembered. She felt her heart compress at the sight of him. "Hi." ;)
-
I'm soooo going to figure this out. Just watch me!
May 25th has come and go. Sadly, the buildup wasn't worth the wait. Oh well, that's life for you.
She gazed at him as if time had somehow made him unrecognizable, as if she had never once closed her eyes and knew his face as clearly as she did hers, as if they had never been one.
"Hi," he greeted.
Bittersweet recognition washed over her. It was him alright. There was no mistaking the way his silver eyes glinted when he smiled. In a glance she took in his appearance.
He was more attracted than she remembered. She felt her heart compress at the sight of him. "Hi." ;)
Was he a time traveler? ::)
-
I forget....stup id cat! >:(
-
Was he a time traveler? ::)
:P
-1
An Angel-alien! ;)
-
Curse you horrible, horrible, horrible week! I'm glad you're gone for the month. To celebrate your goodbye I went shopping. I was good, I only bought a few things.
I'm actually keeping up with the NBA finals this year. I really, really, really hope Boston wins. Only because I want K.G to win. :love4: If I could kiss any athlete in the world it would be K.G. :love5: :love7: :love7:
S, Z & I are meeting for dinner tomorrow. It should be fun. We haven't gotten together in months. I can't wait to see how S looks now that she's a month away from her due date.
Sighs
Okay. I'm ready for Monday, for more woes from E, for the lame R&R waiting on my desk, for the trip, and finally, for Father's Day.
I think.
-
Happy Father's Day, Dad. Thank you. Thank you for your unselfish sacrifices, your unwavering support, your sound wisdom, and most of all, your boundless love.
I've come to realize more than ever before that I'm as much your daughter as I am mom's. I have as much of you in me as I do mom. You've taught me much. Hard work, responsibiliti es, integrity, unselfishness.
You are the greatest man I know.
Thank you.
-
"Why?" asked A of my sister and me.
"Because they have to," replied my sister.
"But why mommy," persisted A.
My sister and I looked at each other. We were both thinking the same thing. Because.
It may be the pessimist in me, but I feel sad for the whole situation.
"Tenacious much?" she asked with a touch of laughter in her eyes.
He glared at her. Unlike her, his face was devoid of humor. "Are you kidding me? What? Did you sneak into the sugar canister? Are you on something? Is that why your brain's so muddle?"
The humor vanished from her brown eyes like a disappearing coin trick. "There's no need to be cruel," she said.
"Cruel," he scoffed. "If I'm being cruel it's because you're being stupid."
Her face fell. "I'm sorry you feel that way," she said. "But I've already explained. Why can't you respect my decision?"
Because it's stupid he thought. Because I want you echoed the voice inside his head. Because you're it screamed his soul.
"That wasn't an explanation," he said. "It was nonsense. Time to slay your own dragons. Normal people don't think like that."
Pity crossed her pretty face. "I know," she whispered.
There was something heartbreakingl y honest about her response and he suddenly felt like a cad. "I won't wait. I might not be here."
Wide eyes rounded on him before looking down. When she looked up again there were unshed tears in them. "I know."
*Sigh*
I ate way too many penny candy today.
-
UGH! I AM disgusted! Dis...gus...te d!
And to think, I wanted him to win. What a cad!
Men and their deceptions.
UGH!
-
It's ten-thirty and I'm tired. I would sleep except I've yet to shower. I'm third in line.
Both living rooms and the loft are filled with relatives. Pull out bed and air mattresses. Pile high pillows and bountiful blankets. The house in disarray.
I'm trying not to be annoyed.
I need a bum weekend. I really do. My mind's screaming for silence, my soul's yearning for quiet.
With the CSET MB is beyond annoyance. I completely understand.
-
I want it with an intensity that leaves me grasping for breath.
This crazy dream of my.
I want it.
-
Another year, another celebration. I'm smiling.
I think I love you W. Blake, you contradicting man! Forget Wordsworth, forget Coleridge and Byron! You are my Romantic man.
-
Family:
Grandfather was an opium addict
Grandpa too kind, was the verdict
in homes aligned
in hovels divined
Grandmother poisoned her mother
Grandma, one hand too small to bother
helped she tried
"I can't" she never lied
One Uncle died among the burrows
My only Aunt, suicide, oh the sorrow!
an injustice never avenge
a regret in deep set revenge
Father, his silence is deep
Mother, her kindness never sleeps
Family
of My
She read.
==============
She dreams of my Little Ponies
blue, pink, purple, yellow
smiles
Bright
dancing
laughing
Sweet
Oh...A.
-
Blake > Wordsworth > Coleridge > Keats > Byron!
Anyhoo....I'm not feeling too good at the moment. The Penny Candies are at fault. I ate 4 stacks. Why, oh why, do they have to taste so good!
Great news: S gave birth today! Baby Sophia arrived in our world today around 12:35.
Driving to work this morning, I realized that we are just about at summer's end. I'm feeling divided. I'm going to miss summer. It has been a good summer. A summer of reflection and initiation. A summer of eye-openers.
Yet, I'm anticipating fall. I can't wait to see how things unfold. A few changes are in store for me. Good changes...I hope. The vision is a lot less distorted, the path clearer, my goals closer.
On that note - darn, I really do want that first kiss! LOL.
-
Mom and Auntie CY asked me the other day to help coordinate this year's Family gathering. Specifically, they want me to contact the youth group and inform everyone of this year's theme. We're all to dress in Hmong clothes and eat and dance the night away. LOL. It's a sight I can't wait to see!
I'm stuck in a feminist literary stage at the moment. All I'm reading are works by female authors. Bronte, Austen, Di*ckinson, Barrett Browning, Wollstonecraft -- the pioneers of women's lit. I can only imagine what it'll feel like to be in a room with all of them.
So, Fall is practically here. Looks like it's back to boots and sweaters:
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Feminist Polemics: A Feministic Approach to the Tales of the Janes...
My eyes are heavy with sleep. It's late, early morning is on the hidden horizon. Just a little longer, a few mindful minutes, some significant seconds, just a little longer...
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I feel horrible. Sorry, grandma.
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I don't like these feelings...unc ertainty, doubt, fear. I hope they dissipate soon.
A is too cute. She asked, when I told her my mom was getting her hair color, "With crayons Auntie CC?" She's getting good at drawing people. I actually have eyes, a mouth, and hair in her drawings these days. She drew me with a gummy bear today. The gummy bear I recognized, unlike the duck from her last drawing for me.
My head hurts at the moment. Good thing tomorrow's Friday.
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A new year teeters on the horizon. Change is a complexity of a thing, don’t you think? It is odd and funny, memorable and not so memorable. It evolves and moves, and yet, it doesn’t really. We change, time change, settings change, and yet, the threads of likeness remains, never changing, always, interchangeabl e.
The rain continues. Last night, I read MB again and cried, to the rain. I always, always, cry to M.B. I think I shall love you, with all of my heart, and every inch of my soul, if you can tell me why.
This morning was a morning of reflections. Looking out my window, into the rain, I was reminded of my dreams. It made me smile. I’ve yet to achieve them. I doubt I’m anywhere near achieving them. But I smiled, nonetheless.
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Often times, in the hustle of everyday life, we forget the important things. The little, minute things that make our existence worth-while. I am grateful for the holidays because they serve as a reminder, reminding us of what's truly important.
I am so fortunate to be surrounded by so much love and joy. It is an unexplainable happiness that, when mindful, leaves me a little breathless. I hope that your holiday is as joyous and loved.
:)
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Aish! Okay, it was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. I blame the gas station for putting it there. Anyhoo...my car's okay. Just a tiny, little, kind-of-noticeable scratch.
It's raining again. That means...if I'm to wear a skirt tomorrow I'll have to put on stockings. Hmmm....
Oh yes, I almost forgot, something bit me on the chest!
And finally, I should be writing. I should, but A&A are giving me a headache. I'm, they're, at a standstill. >:(
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raining?..... RAINING??
y'all must be frum da south.
No. :)
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Standstills are the worst.
My mom, sister, and I went shopping today and came across a distant aunt. Odd, but everytime I see this aunt I'm always reminded of what she said when my sister got married. She told some relatives that, she couldn't understand why my brother-in-law would want to marry my sister because, in her opinion, my sisters and I aren't very pretty. I've always thought that was an odd logic.
Odd.
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A has quite the imagination. She told me: "Shhh....Auntie CC, I'm talking on the phone."
"Really? With who?" I asked.
"My brother."
"Your brother?" I questioned. "What's your brother's name?"
No reply.
"What are you guys talking about?" I asked.
She giggled. "Oh, my brother, my brother, he says I'm so stupid."
"What!" I exclaimed. "I'm sure he didn't mean it."
She giggled some more.
It was a little strange, especially, since A has no siblings.
I miss the warmth of the sun...
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It's a new year. May it be fill with more love, happiness, and good fortune. :)
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I'm in need of a good book. Please, don't let me down N.S.
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It's odd, but I'm not nervous. Yet. Are you?
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Hi You,
A sad thing happened. I fell in like with you. I really, really, like you. It's kind of sad, don't you think?
I know there's some humor to it, to this whole thing. I just can't seem to see it yet.
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Ahhh....I can't wait for Spring.
Can you?
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A good book eh? Go read "Waiting" by Ha Jin. Good times.
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A good book eh? Go read "Waiting" by Ha Jin. Good times.
:)
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It's raining. I know, I know, April showers bring May flowers, still.....now, I'll have to take the long way to and from work tomorrow because taking the freeway when it rains scares me.
I'm a little bored at the moment. Not that I have nothing to do, because, I have a long list of things I should be doing. I just don't want to.
A had her first dentist's appointment today. My sister came by and showed us the picture the staff took. Funny, but A actually enjoyed it and wants to go back. She's too cute.
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She stared at him, tracing his features with adoring eyes. A hand on his jaw. A kiss pressed to his cheek. His scent surrounding her.
A smile. On her lips.
I think I'm falling in love with you, she thinks to herself.
Happiness overwhelms her. Happiness and something else. A touch of...fear.
Uncertainty.
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At the moment, I'm hook on making these:
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/_VF8yr-q4q8I/TZ6qgGTgEoI/AAAAAAAABgk/I4nRBvW6zug/5.jpg)
They're so much fun to make!
Can you guess who's in this picture that A drew?
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/_VF8yr-q4q8I/TZ6qlOJEpqI/AAAAAAAABgs/haqmIvwQ-Zo/6.jpg)
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I love so many people. And so many people love me. But I've never been in love. I would like to be...someday.. .I think.
I can't wait to see all the kiddies this Saturday! I have my Easter eggs, games, and prizes ready.
Pictures from our crab feast this past weekend:
(https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/_VF8yr-q4q8I/TafCQDeJSrI/AAAAAAAABhk/LCdx-VcvIcg/s128/6.jpg)
(https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/_VF8yr-q4q8I/TafCQNqtnRI/AAAAAAAABho/cMQI5uluAnw/s128/5.jpg)
(https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/_VF8yr-q4q8I/TafCO_999HI/AAAAAAAABhg/JrmpVHXcT-A/s128/3.jpg)
(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/_VF8yr-q4q8I/TafCO5LjAyI/AAAAAAAABhY/YKhszqvzTrY/s128/7.jpg)
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Can you guess who's in this picture that A drew?
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/_VF8yr-q4q8I/TZ6qlOJEpqI/AAAAAAAABgs/haqmIvwQ-Zo/6.jpg)
Stella
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Stella
-1 Stanley :P
Siab phem!
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Three things:
1. I'm exhausted.
2. My nails hurt.
3. I've yet to pack.
She smiled. The questions, the struggle, the lack of acceptance, they were gone from her face as she looked at him. "I miss your voice."
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I love this:
The languages and literatures of Asia, African, and South America, the literatures of peoples of non-European stock but who are now part of the economic, political, and cultural reality of the West, are all creating space for a hundred flowers to bloom on a global scale...
The wealth of a common global culture will then be expressed in the particularitie s of our different languages and cultures very much like a universal garden of many-coloured flowers. The "flowerness" of the different flowers is expressed in their very diversity. But there is cross-fertilisation between them. And what is more, they all contain in themselves the seeds of a new tomorrow. O0
- Ngugi
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:'( I don't feel too good. My throat hurts. My head throbs. My body aches. :'(
Can you guess? Can you guess my favorite scene in Inception?
We had A's party (who plee) a few weeks ago. I'll have to post up a few pictures of the decorations. It was, in a word, unbelievable.
A horrible tragedy happened and even now, grasping what happened is still hard. Mom told me more of the details today and one of the things that came to mind was: vertical coffins. The imagery is so striking.
"A Vertical Coffin" by the Japanese poet Tamura. Should you ever get the chance to, please read it.
Finally, today is Memorial Day. May you, whoever you are and wherever you are, remember the loved ones you've lost with smiles and joy. Remember that, though, they are no longer here, they touched your life and helped make you the person you are.
Hi you,
I'm going to disappear now. I want to. I have to. It's time.
Thank you.
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A little late, but thank you. Thank you, for sharing the poem you found... :)
(Being alone, hmmm.....)
I enjoyed it.
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Yay! I'm feeling soooo much better. :)
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I'm being a bum for the evening.
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What a looooong, sleepy work day. Both A & E aren't here, lucky. I want the day off too! 3 more hours.....
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The family's willing to take me on the camping trip this weekend. Hmmm..... :-X I make no promises.
"Having fun?"
Surprise flickered in his eyes as he took in the woman who'd just broken apart his circle of friends with her boldness. "You. What are you doing here?"
She smiled, wide, the joy reaching her eyes. She gestured to the group of laughing women behind her. "We're celebrating a friend's happiness."
"New job?" asked one of his friend.
She turned to the man, bedazzling him with her friendly smile. "No."
"Engagement?" asked another of his friend.
"Close," she said, again with a warmth that was neither suggestive or sexual, but alluring nonetheless.
He watched them, these men he called friends, men he'd known for years, watch her and felt his annoyance rise. He did not like them looking at her with such interest. "It's a divorce," he stated.
She turned to him, eyes bright. "Right. How did you know?"
"Lucky guess. You didn't answer my question. What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to say hello to you."
"Liar," he said, aware every pair of eyes at the table were on them.
"It's the truth."
He doubted that. A woman didn't just stop by to say hello after a two year disappearance. Without giving her a chance to protest he took her by the elbow and guided her outside. "What do you want?"
"I told you, I saw you and wanted to say hello."
He took in her hurt expression. Never before did he hate her wide-eyed innocence as much as he did at the moment. Because despite what he wanted to believe, she was telling the truth. Damn her. "You've said hello, now leave."
She didn't. Instead, she took an inspective step closer, regarding him with puzzlement. "You're angry at me."
"How intuitive. You've just figured that out now?"
"Why?" Her voice rose. "Why are you angry with me?"
"You're kidding me right?"
She glared at him. "No. What did I do to make you this mad at me?"
The thought of not answering, of leaving her and returning to his friends to enjoy his night and drink himself into oblivion crossed his mind. He turned to do just that when he felt her hand on his arm. He looked down at it. Memories flooded him. Her hand intertwined in his. Her hand pressed up against his. She had this stupid thing of always comparing their hands when they first met, as if she couldn't quite believe her hands were tinier than his.
"Please," she whispered.
He ignored the plea. He owed her nothing. He didn't have to give her an explanation.
He took a step...and stopped.
"You left," he said, angry with himself for giving in.
Confusion crossed over her features. "What?"
"You left," he repeated. "Without an explanation, without a single word."
She stared at him for a long moment. "I..." The word trailed off.
Silence encapsulated the night.
"I didn't think you'd care," she finally said.
"You're right, I don't," he lied. The need to get away from her overwhelmed him. She was bringing up emotions he'd long buried. Emotions he wanted to stay buried.
"I'm--"
"Don't apologize," he cut in.
"Do you want to know why?"
"No." Again, a lie.
....TBC....
I'm craving something good, I just don't know what. :-\
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My mom, sisters, and I made tapioca over the weekend. It was delicious!
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A told me today, "Auntie CC, Auntie CC, it's going to be my birthday. I'm going to be five years old."
I smiled at her and said, "A whole hand."
She nodded, almost jumping like any soon-to-be five-year-old. "How old are you going to be?" she asked.
"Guess," I told her.
She peered at me, brown eyes assessing. "Seventeen," she said.
I laughed. She was off by a decade.
She's such a cutie. I can't believe her fifth birthday is coming up. I can still remember planning my sister's baby shower. We need another baby in the family.
Diva A:
(https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-C2Mk4aIWSyc/TRf_Uv4L9zI/AAAAAAAABbI/W7shqXR7QN0/s128/Autumn.jpg)
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Summer is all about family, cooking, and eating. Tonight was a great example of it.
I hope you and yours are eating well too. :)
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I survived camp....with a few scratches and some bruises. It wasn't as horrible as I remember. Though, I got really ill the last day. I'm not completely over it yet.
I asked A before we left, "Did you have fun?"
She looked up at me with exhausted eyes and shook her head. "Auntie CC, I want to go home. I miss my bed."
I agreed wholeheartedly . I missed my bed. I missed showering. I missed home.
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The family's Youth Group trip to Berkeley was a success. Taking a charter bus was a great idea. Everyone had fun and I believe they learned a few things too.
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It is so easy to forget that our parents were our age once. To us, they've always been mom and dad. Every now and then, though, we catch glimpses--reminders--of who they were, who they still are, the hidden selves. I love when this happens.
A smile formed on her face as she stared into space; the nothingness of the mind. The silence was comfort and she held on like a forgotten friend. It was near. And yet, she welcomed it. At this moment, in this particular span of time, it was gratifying to know that it was coming.
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It was a wonderful birthday weekend. :)
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Summer has ended. I'm looking forward to the cooler temperatures and beautiful fall colors. It feels like I'm at a crossroad, stuck, contemplating my next move.
I'm feeling a little bummed at the moment. The first phase of the contest ended yesterday and I've yet to hear back from M&B. I'm trying to be optimistic. I mean, win or lose, I would continue writing. It's too hard not to. Sometimes, though, I wish I could.
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My sisters and I had an Aunties & A Day a few weeks ago. A few pictures:
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I'm thinking too much.
The day started off slow, with the systems going down. Four hours later and it's another story. I'm exhausted.
I've been getting horrible headaches..... I wonder what's wrong. The thinking?
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Decisions, decisions..... the 15th will arrive in no time. :(
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I don't feel like working today. :( :(
Honestly, I'm quite curious. Why do I have so many negative karma? :o At the very least, people should balance it out with the same amount of positive karma.
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Ugh. My tummy hurts. :'(
Mom's putting the final touches on our Hmong clothes. They look amazing. I can't wait to show it off. O0
I've decided.
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Today was a nice, cool day. I loved it.
Everything's set. There's no turning back now. Change is good, right?
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One more day and the chapter ends.
Half a decade, gone.
It's bittersweet.
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don't worry.
it gets better.
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The horizon looks bright. The patches of clouds have cleared. Everything is falling into place.
Thank you god, grandma, grandpas, ancestors.
I am extremely HAPPY! So much so that I can cry.
1:13 PM - noted.
Isn't it funny how good news can happen together, as if simultaneously? The domino effect, perhaps?
Thank you.
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don't worry.
it gets better.
It has, thank you. :)
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Another meeting tomorrow....
I find it funny at times when I run into an old friend or acquaintance who I haven't seen for a while. The questions of, "Are you married? Dating anyone?" always come up. When I reply "No" to both, the other person always seem shock. Most of the wonderful ladies I grew up with are now married. Some with even one, two...four kids. Their realities seem like such a stark contrast to mines. And so, when they give me that odd, is-there-something-wrong with you look, I find myself amused.
Sometimes, A says the funniest things and it makes me appreciate the naivety of childhood. She asked my sister the other day, in a completely serious tone, "Auntie Bao Bao, if a chicken eats the worm, and we eat the chicken, do we eat the worm too? And, what happens if we eat the worm? Auntie Bao Bao, I don't think I want to eat chicken anymore." Through all this, my sister was on the verge of laughter. Great auntie that she is, she didn't burst out laughing.
A also likes to hide things. She almost gave her mom and I heart attacks the other night when she hid her mom's keys. My sister was about to dig through the trash when my brother-in-law told her to ask A. We saw no reason why A should know, but my sister asked anyways. A's reply, giggling, "Mommy, mommy, guess. Do you know where I put it?" My sister was NOT amused. Since I had to search through every corner of my car, I didn't find it quite so funny either.
The weekend will be busy. And sad. Funerals always are.
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Ouch!
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I think one of the counselors got me sick. :(
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Things about work, No. 1:
I don't take the elevators when I get off because I'm terrify something'll happen and I'll end up stuck, with no help, because everyone would've gone home for the day. So I take the stairs. It's good for me, I guess.
Randomness
LOL....A is too cute. We took her to eat at a casino and when we walked in she exclaimed, "Yay! They have games. I want to play too." Two seconds later, "Ooooo, look, a princess game, mommy, can I play that one?"
LOL.......I couldn't stop laughing the whole night. ;D
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Things about work, No. 2:
Monday is the 30th, yay!
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Iyg-1wt7r-A/T5tQD8-wGaI/AAAAAAAAAF0/3qJsuLGvwM0/s350/phpp2PqPmPM.jpg)
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I love your table setting. They are very pretty. I like to do that someday if I have a bigger area to set up tables.
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Thanks Lavender, but I can't take all the credit for it because I had a lot of help. :)
Down time.....I spent last evening and this morning working on things for dad's hu plig this coming weekend.
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Last on my To-Order List: Cake.
HELP: Does anyone know how to write, "Thank you, Dad" in Hmong? I need to find a Hmong/English dictionary.
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Thanks Lavender, but I can't take all the credit for it because I had a lot of help. :)
Down time.....I spent last evening and this morning working on things for dad's hu plig this coming weekend.
Rolled almost 1,000 egg rolls:
(https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-97H058-fVfA/T53X367kWwI/AAAAAAAAAGg/jF0ny6D1hxY/s350/php3h0KCaPM.jpg)
(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-7DhElzvJEvk/T53X2QXDKTI/AAAAAAAAAGA/dkNo_GsbM18/s350/04-28-12_1906.jpg)
Finished floral arrangements for the string-tying:
(https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-3Wov_WSoFTc/T53X2_e74gI/AAAAAAAAAGM/lexGnGB85bA/s350/04-29-12_1648.jpg)
(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-OumTxNxvPkQ/T53X2bZ7SOI/AAAAAAAAAGE/0KOpknukNs8/s350/04-29-12_1646.jpg)
:o :o O0
Speechless :o
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:o :o O0
Speechless :o
:)
The ladies at work are so sweet. I didn't make it in today and they text to see how I was doing. I love working with great people.
CN received great news today. After almost a year in the Health Department, he's finally moving onto the ES field. I'm so happy for him...and for myself. The responsibiliti es I put on myself are lessening. He's stepping up. My doubts and fears are dissipating. Dad is so proud of him.
KS's grad is this weekend. I'm extremely happy and so, so proud of her. She's the one that mom and dad were worried about the most. While CN, MB, S and I breezed through high school in three years, mom had to step in on her behalf to make sure she did the same. And now....she's getting her BA. As her oldest sister, I couldn't be prouder. Though, I've no idea what to give her as a grad gift. One more year and MB will be done and finally, mom and dad can breathe in a sigh of relief.
It's amazing how life sometimes turn out. The predictable and the unpredictable. The happy and the sad. The hopeful and the heartbroken.
June 10 is fast approaching. Part of me is excited.
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I don't like hospitals..... ..
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I love L....she always has food for me. :)
Minus 7 hours and counting.
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Things about work No. 3:
I'm finally moving out of the freezer office. Yay! :)
And.......no meeting today!
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I need a drink. I spent most of the afternoon fixing other people's mistakes. *SIGHS* I'm SOOOOO ready to go home.
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UGH....once again I fed the wrong meter and had to scrounge for change! :( >:( I'm sooo NOT use to having to pay for parking at work.
A's kindergarten promotion was today. She looked so cute in her dress and sandal. It was an emotional moment for my sister. First grade, here she comes.
One more hour left.....
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Waiting.....fo r the meeting to start. Waiting.....wa iting....waiti ng............ ..........
I hope the department hires a new receptionist soon.......
Waiting....... ....
Waiting....... ....
A part of me is horrible at waiting.......
There was a dead cat in the road this morning on my way to work. Poor thing. :(
The weather's better today, only a high of 92. I can't wait for next Tuesday.
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Tuesday....it was worth the wait. I'm in :love1: Awww....I want a Winter Makepeace.
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There are many reasons why I love reading EH's books. Aside from the obvious, she's a gifted writer. Her characterizati ons are spot-on. Her plots are riveting and, at times, suspenseful. She pulls me in and I become a part of her fictional world. I love it! I need to learn from her.
Things about work, No. 4:
I'm keeping my eyes on the clock because I have to feed the meter in twenty minutes. I really, really dislike this about work. Last I check, I'm number 11 on the list for a parking spot. Maybe I'll get a spot by the end of the year? I hope so.
I just realized that in a month and a few days, I'll be two years away from my thirties. How time flies. Flashes of playing in the sand, making "houses" with my feet appear before me. It's such a cherish memory. A part of me miss it. I'll have to make a sand house the next time I'm at the beach.
It's still fresh, so a part of me still wants a Winter.
And you.
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I'm disappointed. :( I helped with reception yesterday. In a rush, I forgot to lock my bag in my office and left it up there. One of the coworkers covered while I was in a meeting. Today, I find that I'm missing $40.00. I know I didn't spend it. I know it was in my wallet. It's disheartening to know that it was taken.
It's not much. Still, it never crossed my mind that a coworker would do such a thing. I would never do such a thing. My trust in humanity just took a punch. :(
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I'm going to need lots of caffeine this morning.
A is too cute. She told me the other day, "Auntie CC, you're wearing a teacher skirt." LOL, (I was wearing a pencil skirt.) On Tuesday, she said to me, "You're wearing a ballerina skirt." (I was wearing a skirt with ruffle.) She comes up with the funniest associations. She's also stuck on the Double song.
I'm anticipating the career change. Already, it feels too long.
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I miss this place:
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Yay, twenty more minutes! I'm patient at times, totally impatient at other times.
L says I have the oddest habits. I don't think so. There's nothing wrong with wrapping my cups with napkins. There's a logical reason behind it. I can't see why she doesn't see it. She also thinks arranging Skittles by color before eating them is weird. It is not!
The C.Partner says I need more drama. I think she wants me to kill off the H, only, he's not really dead, so of course, he'll resurface, only, by then, the h would have moved on with his best friend, except, she's carrying the H's baby, but neither men are privy to that information, so there exists this love triangle, where, eventually, someone will slip on a peach seed, lose consciousness, fall into a coma, and be taken off life support. Ick.
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Things about work, No. 5:
The lonely chair:
(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-iGmU0_7CoDU/UDWCYxHpdKI/AAAAAAAAALc/q1mTCCDq9SI/s324/ResizedImage_1345679510291.jpg)
I finally cleared everything off the lonely chair today. I really dislike clutter and it was almost painful to watch it pile up with files and documents. Not anymore! :)
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Sooooooo COLD! My fingers and legs are frozen. Why can't management lower the air!
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One of the counselors says I'm a weakling. >:(
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I'm a walking accident today. :( I cut myself washing dishes, my knee's bruised because a door hit me, and my tummy hurts because I drank cold water. I need a pity party.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I felt the bed shift and I opened my eyes. A smile made its way to my mouth. Ive been waiting for you, I said, twisting my neck to peer up at the dark figure whod just slipped in beside me.
Yea, the figure said.
Uh huh. Even in the dark, I could see my husbands grin. I scoot closer. Youre late. And he was. The clock on our bed stand read 3:05.
I know. Acknowledgemen t. No excuses, no denial, just straightforwar dness. It was so like him.
I was worry you wouldnt come, I revealed, voicing the concern that had plague me as the clock had turned 1, 2, and finally, 3.
Im sorry. Regret laced his voice. Its getting harder to find you.
The words stopped me short. I stared at him, not seeing, but knowing what was there. Black hair, a little rough, a little ruffled. Dark brown eyes; eyes that lit with gleam when he teased me, turned liquid black when he made love to me, and sparked with anger when he was worry about me.
He would be dressed in his black suit, the top two buttons of his white shirt undone. Just like the first time we saw each other. Just like the last time I saw him.
There was a little scar beneath his right eyes from a basketball incident. It had caught my eyes on our first date. A week later, I had kissed it as we made love for the first time.
Please, dont leave again, I plead, fear gripping me.
I wont. Not if I can help it.
My hands involuntarily reached up to touched his forehead. Mom wants me to move back home. Shes more persistent than ever.
For a moment, he said nothing, than, Do you want to?
No. I couldnt. Even in the state it was in now, this was home. This little two bedroom house that we bought two months after we were married. This was where we were supposed to start our lives together.
We were supposed to do many things together. Vacation in Europe. Fix the patio. Have kids. Grow old together. The list was long.
Are you sure?
I heard the uncertainty in his voice and my eyes narrowed. Yes, I snapped, loud and clear. I couldnt leave our home. How would he find me?
He chuckled and the tension eased. I pressed my face further into his pillow. This was one of the reasons why I love him. He always knew when to make things better.
The lure of sleep washed over me and I yawned. Do you remember the first time we met? I asked between gasps.
I felt his grin on my cheek. Its hard to forget. You called me a thug and told me to get away from you.
I did not.
You did.
Okay, so maybe I did. Sort of. Only because I had good cause to.
Another chuckle. I smile and my thoughts returned to that night two and a half years ago. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
-
1
Some people are creatures of the night. I am not one of them. Staring at the building before me, its name glittering in blue and green neon lights: Blue Lounge, I checked my phone. Midnight.
Are you sure its not too late? I asked.
The group of women surrounding me all stopped what they were doing. Three pairs of eyes immediately turned on me.
Late, said April, a fellow teacher who worked with me, are you kidding? The night just started.
I held back a sigh and surveyed the women with me. With April were Steph, our schools attendance clerk and May, one of the school counselors. As the new face, they had all decided to show me around my new city.
The Blue Lounge is a great place to unwind on a Friday night Gaonou, Steph said to me, leading the way inside. Youll like.
It was on the tip of my tongue to say it was no longer Friday, but I caught myself. I didnt want them to think I was unappreciative . I wasnt. In the month that Ive moved and started, the three of them were becoming great friends.
Pushing back my desire to be at home, I headed inside. We found a table right away and before I knew it, a drink was in front of me.
So, asked April, what do you think?
Its nice, I answered, honestly. Despite the tacky neon sign, the inside of the lounge was tastefully done in dark hues. The music wasnt annoying loud and the crowd was older, less immature. Thanks again for doing this.
You dont have to thank us, May said, and April and Steph nodded in agreement. Besides, it gave us a chance to get out too.
I smiled. Out of the four of us, May was the only married one, the only one with kids. Did your husband mind at all?
May made a dismissive sound. No. But his mother sure did. She thinks married women should do nothing but work and stay home.
Thats why you dont live with the in-laws, Steph chimed in.
Are Lao parents the same? I asked.
Steph nodded. Maybe even worse. You know Asian parents and their traditions.
Of course.
We all laughed. The conversation flowed from family to work and then to anything. We were in the middle of a discussion about a new movie when a man stopped in front of our table. He greeted all of us before turning to April. Signaling to a group in the corner, he asked her to join them for a drink.
Silence fell over the table as April thought it over.
Sure, April finally said, and then turning to me said, Come with me.
What? I blurted.
Please, Gaonou.
I looked helplessly at May and Steph.
Im married, May explained.
Im engaged, Steph said, flashing her ring.
I knew someone had to go with April. We couldnt let her go alone. I just didnt want to be that person. Reluctantly, I followed April and the man, whod told us his name was Paul.
When we reached Pauls table, every pair of eyes looked up at us. Dread came over me. It felt like we were intruding and it was the last thing I wanted. I told myself I would only stay long enough to make sure April was comfortable and safe and then leave.
Guys, Paul started, this is April and Gaonou.
Hi, April said, dazzling the group with her smile. April was attractive and knew how to play up her features so I wasnt at all surprised by the mens attention to her.
Neither was I jealous. Next to her, I knew I looked plainer, but I didnt mind. I was who I was and for the most part, I was comfortable with myself. I didnt like fake lashes, so I leave them out when putting on makeup. I hate being the center of attention, so I dress modestly.
Saying hi, I sat down next to April. The seat next to me was empty and I thanked god for it. There was something about Pauls group of friends that put me on edge. They reminded me of the type of boys I avoided. The type who did things the hard way.
Never one for easy conversations with strangers, I let April do most of the talking. My mind wandered as my eyes found the night sky and I thought of all that had happened in the last two months. I smiled to myself, not really believing it.
And when I looked back, I found a pair of deep brown eyes staring at me.
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you need a dark side.
It would make me more interesting. How does one go about acquiring a dark side?
She smiled at him. "Will you let me entrap you? Make you fall in love with me? We can lie on the riverbank, my head on your shoulder, a fishing pole in your hand, a book in mines. We'll sprout nonsense with a wealth of meanings."
"And then?"
"And then I'll break your heart and the ice in mines will melt. We'll depart then and the memories will become dreams and we'll wonder if each other ever existed at all."
You once told me no. I wonder, is your answer still the same?
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I want to go home. Especially, since I have an early morning drive tomorrow.
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A slow Monday, I don't know what to think!
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"Warning: this topic has not been posted in for at least 120 days.
Unless you're sure you want to reply, please consider starting a new topic."
Wow....has it been that long? Gosh. LOL
Hello again, Journal. The end is near. I should just finish it. A part of me gets melancholy thinking about it.
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Ick! I don't want to work today. It's raining and cold, I want to be home curled under a blankie. :'(
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Talking to myself #1: I have a stack of invoices & axs that need my signature. Darn. Can I put it off until Monday?
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Good Saturday Morning, World!
The sun is out, the sun is out. It's going to be a beautiful day. :)
Today...hmmm: lay around and enjoy the sun, finish chapter 14 (I'm sooooooo close, one more chapter) and tonight, family dinner to celebrate A's mommy's birthday.
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:)
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I miss summer........ ...
(https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-FnlFUjXIY_o/URmxaXSWYmI/AAAAAAAAAQw/BpmLwB7HcFU/s325/ResizedImage_1360637579904.jpg)
One more chapter and I can kiss this book done! Part of me is excited. I'm staring at the MS, at what I have printed so far, a stack of 200 + pages next to my night stand, and even if HR rejects it, even if I fail to get an agent to look at it, I would still be happy. I would have accomplished what I set out to do. In the end, that's all that really matters. I will embrace the unknown when the time comes. Until then, minus 20 pages and counting.
As A would say, "Smile, Auntie CC."
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Had a great time with the loved ones. :)
I came across this article and it resonated so well......
"Watching the Couples Go By"
Why is this basic woman so valuable to this basic man whose arm she holds?
By Herbert Stein
In honor of Valentines, we reprint a favorite from the archive: this classic meditation on love and human companionship. Herbert Stein, who passed away in 1999, was an original Slate contributor.
One of my persistent fantasies used to be of sitting at a sidewalk table at a cafe in Paris. I would be writing with my pen (la plume de ma tante) in a notebook (un cahier) while smoking a Gauloise. I would not be writing economics. One cannot write economics while sitting at a sidewalk cafe. Maybe that is why there have been so few distinguished French economists. I would be writing a novel, or perhaps poetry, or even a philosophical treatise. But I would frequently raise my eyes to watch the girls (les filles) go by.
I no longer have that fantasy. I do, however, eat from time to time at an outdoor table in front of a small restaurant on the street leading to the Kennedy Center. I don't try to write there. I can't write with la plume de ma tante. I am addicted to the word processor. I suppose I could use a laptop computer. But that mechanism would destroy the romantic illusion. Instead, I watch the passers-by.
I am not concentrating on the girls. I am concentrating on the married couples. How do I know that those men and women walking two-by-two up to the Kennedy Center are married to each other? Well, 75 percent of all men between the ages of 30 and 75 are married, so if you see a man in that age group walking with a woman to the Kennedy Center--which is not exactly Club Medit's a good bet that the two are married, and almost certainly to each other.
I look particularly at the women in those couples. They are not glamorous. There are no Marlene Dietrichs, Marilyn Monroes, or Vivien Leighs among them. (It is a sign of my age that I can't think of the name of a single living glamorous movie actress.) Some of them are pretty, but many would be considered plain. Since they are on their way to the Kennedy Center, presumably to attend a play, an opera, or a concert, one may assume that they are somewhat above average in cultural literacy. But in other respects one must assume that they are, like most people, average.
But to the man whose hand or arm she is holding, she is not "average." She is the whole world to him. They may argue occasionally, or even frequently. He may have an eye for the cute intern in his office. But that is superficial. Fundamentally, she is the most valuable thing in his life.
Genesis says, "And the Lord God said: 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.' " And so, "made He a woman." It doesn't say that He made a pretty woman, or a witty woman, or an any-kind-of-adjective woman. He made the basic woman.
Why is this basic woman so valuable to the man whose hand or arm she is holding as I see them making their way up to the Kennedy Center? I think there are three simple things.
First, she is a warm body in bed. I don't refer to their sexual activity. That is important but too varied for me to generalize about. I refer to something that is, if possible, even more primitive. It is human contact.
A baby crying in its crib doesn't want conversation or a gold ring. He wants to be picked up, held, and patted. Adults need that physical contact also. They need to cuddle together for warmth and comfort in an indifferent or cold world. At least, they need to be able to do that. The plain woman and plain man I am watching do that for each other.
But conversation is also important. These couples may have been talking to each other for 30 years or more. You might think they have nothing left to say. But still they can talk to each other in ways that they cannot talk to anyone else. He can tell her of something good he has done, or something good that has happened to him, without fearing that she will think he is bragging. He can tell her of something bad that has happened without fearing that she will think he is complaining. He can tell her of the most trivial thing without fearing that she will think he is bothering her. He can count on her interest and understanding.
The primary purpose of this conversation is not to convey any specific information. Its primary purpose is to say, "I am here and I know that you are here."
Third, the woman serves the man's need to be needed. If no one needs you, what good are you, and what are you here for? Other people--employers, students, readers--may say that they need you. But it isn't true. In all such relationships you are replaceable at some price. But to this woman you are not replaceable at any price. And that gives you the self-esteem to go out and meet the world every day.
So this "ordinary" womanone like about 50 million others in Americahas this great value to this man she is going to the theater with. He surely does not make a calculationdoesn't mark her to market. He probably never says how much he values her, to himself or to her. But he acts as if he knows it.
I see that I have written these views entirely from the point of view of the man. That is only natural for me. But I don't for a minute think that the relationship I have been trying to describe is one-sided. On the contrary, I am sure it is reciprocal.
I can hear you saying: "How do you know all this? You are only an economist, practitioner of the dismal science. You aren't Ann Landers." That is all true. But my wife and I walked up that hill to the Kennedy Center many times.
http://www.slate.com/articles/business/it_seems_to_me/1997/06/watching_the_couples_go_by.html?google_editors _picks=true (http://www.slate.com/articles/business/it_seems_to_me/1997/06/watching_the_couples_go_by.html?google_editors_picks=true)
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:)
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Blah! Dinner made me sick. Ick.
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"What's with the smile?"
I bit down on my smile. "What smile?"
"That smile, the secret one you were giving me."
"I wasn't smiling."
"Really?" He pulled me in for a quick kiss. "That smile."
I smiled.
Smile :) It's Friday. The weekend is upon us. I should finish A&A's story this weekend. Yay!
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Are you like me? Do you get ecstatic when you solve or work out a problem that's been on your mind? I get super happy!
If someone was to ask me what writing is, my reply would be simple: It is solving a creative problem. :)
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Timeless Relationship Quotes
On the importance of friendship:
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."
-Friedrick Nietzsche
On love making things easier:
"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?"
-George Eliot
On enduring the rough patches:
"Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it."
-Swedish Proverb
On the formula for a happy marriage:
"Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins."
-Lao Tzu
On being self-aware:
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
-Carl Jung
On love bringing out the best in you:
"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when Im with you."
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning
On dealing with trust issues:
"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them."
-Ernest Hemingway
On knowing who you are:
"We must be our own before we can be another's."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
On loving completely:
"I love her and that's the beginning and end of everything." :-*
-F. Scott Fritzgerald
On the inevitable challenges:
"The course of true love never did run smooth."
-William Shakespeare
On being brave:
"Love is no assignment for cowards."
-Ovid
On listening to the silences:
"No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is not saying."
-Unknown
Thanks to MSN. :)
How neat is it that most of the quotes are from some of history's literary greats? I love EBB and Fritzgerald's quotes best. Which one(s) are your favorites?
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My favorite holiday is upon us. I can't wait for this weekend. All the babies will be there. :)
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Aww....it's a boy! I'm sooooo happy. A finally has a sibling; a brother: my first nephew. :)
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"Sometimes, when my time is unoccupied, you remind me of Hoyt's Winter, and I smile, like an idiot, and my mind must make a conscious effort to snap me back to reality."
I wonder if it'll be different, being an Auntie the second time around. The sisters and I are too excited, we started planning the baby shower already. Auntie can't wait to meet you sweetie. :) I can't wait to spoil you with toy cars and things that aren't pink and purple. We love you already.
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Loooong day. I want to leave already. :(
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It's Tuesday! :) A wants to name her baby brother Clifford, like the big red dog. LOL. She's too cute.
It feels like summer already. The string of gatherings and parties are approaching. Part of me is excited. Another part of me is hesitant. This year is flying by. After this summer, I'll be a year away from my 30s. It's funny, at this moment, I'm reminded of Bio Camp. Snow, cold, and being away from home. That trip marked the start of my high school years. I wonder......wh at will mark the start of my 30s?
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I'm hungry. Oh so hungry. I skipped lunch so now I'm starving.
What I want to eat (since I want food):
Taro sesame balls
Papaya salad
Spring rolls
Purple rice
Robertito's carne asada fries
A mango margarita
A chicken burrito from that place I pass every day to work (gosh, for the life of me, I can't remember what it's called)
Hmmm....what else....
Right,
Tutti Melon (even though it's gone)
Finally.....mo chi mochi, in all colors of the rainbow.
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It's Tuesday! :) A wants to name her baby brother Clifford, like the big red dog. LOL. She's too cute.
It feels like summer already. The string of gatherings and parties are approaching. Part of me is excited. Another part of me is hesitant. This year is flying by. After this summer, I'll be a year away from my 30s. It's funny, at this moment, I'm reminded of Bio Camp. Snow, cold, and being away from home. That trip marked the start of my high school years. I wonder......wh at will mark the start of my 30s?
I remember that year at BioCamp. It was Biocamp2 in the spring and the snow was up to our waist it seemed like. I remember thinking "Only white people would do something like that!" when Ben did the polar bear plunge. I remember: "Teddy bears, teddy bears.... Ooo la la ohhhh teddy bears."
I brought some Herbal Essence shampoo and the guys made fun of me for it. And then they tried it and couldn't get enough of it!! Jabari and Joaquin. That was when Doggy and I became like brothers -- all because of a girl. Lol.
Those were good times with great people :)
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My first laid back Sunday in a long while....I like it. A small reprieve before the busyness of July. A funeral, a baby shower, a promotion, mindless training. I'm teetering on the edge, waiting, with hopeful glee, for everything to fall into place. I hope it does. Before August, before my birthday. I would like that. It shall be extra special that way.
Mom and dad are so generous. They have such big, loving hearts. It makes me smile, every time, how in their eyes, the siblings and I will always be their babies. No matter how old we all get. Dad asked about the promotion the other day. I'd thought he'd forgotten. He's been so busy. But he didn't. It felt great to give him the wonderful outcome Friday.
For the most part, everything for the baby shower is in place. The invites were so adorable. My sister loved them.
Ah, summer. It shall be in the 100s today too. Time to find something to do out of the sun (shopping :)).
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Life is all about moments. I live for moments. The sad, the painful, the heartfelt, the happy...moments.
Every so often, a person takes a step back and reflects. I'm reflecting at the moment.
Am I where I want to be? Not quite.
Am I who I want to be? Not quite.
Has things gone as planned? Not quite.
Not quite...not quite...not quite.
This was written three years ago, age: 25.
Today, 13 days before I turn 29:
Am I where I want to be? Yes.
Am I who I want to be? Yes.
Has things gone as planned? Yes.
Funny, how time changes our perception of life. As the saying goes, things and life will eventually work itself out. I've been so busy with everything. Tonight was a good night to reflect. At this moment, in this fleeting span of time, I am happy. With who I am. With where I am. With the way things have turned out. I'm sitting, staring at the hills beyond my bedroom window, night lingers on the horizon, and I am happy. All this may change tomorrow. But right now, at this very moment, where the past is present, I am happy.
Book? Done.
A worthwhile place to work at? Done.
The future is fickle. What is may not be. I hope to accomplish the new goals I've set. I hope to become a better person. I hope that happiness outweighs heartaches in the moments that await me.
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I'm such a dork. In the words of my coworker: I got into a fight with the sidewalk and lost. More than 24 hours later and my knee really, really hurts. It's bruised and swollen. Plus, it's still bleeding a little. I have scratches on the palm of my hand. My arm hurts because of the tetanus shot. On the bright side, everyone has been so nice and caring.
I blame you, mean sidewalk.
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nice entry, Tuesday. gives me hope.
:)
It's a blah day! Ugh.
I seriously need more sleep.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.......... ..ick.
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It's horrible, I WANT a slice of pizza so bad. LOL. Like right at this moment. Never mind that it's nine. Friday night can't come soon enough. It doesn't help that I'm watching Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Ugh.
Who can I call? Hmmm......
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:'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'(:'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
I want pizza! :'( No doubt, I'll be dreaming about it tonight.
The coworker and I went to a Lifehouse concert this past weekend. It was wonderful! All my favorite songs were played. While out in Hanford today the RC and I went on a candy run. I packed up on Butterfinger Crisps. YUM! But I could only eat one.
On a side note: I hate you diet! Hurry up cheat day.
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LOL, in other news, I'm an honorary Crip since I won the award for Street Diving. It's a dangerous sport, but my knee's on the road to recovery.
I still want pizza. :'(
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Okay, I need to stop thinking about pizza. LOL. Seriously.
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:P
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8)
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8)
??
:)
My baby cousin is such a cutie. She's one and a few months so every little thing fascinates her. She was stacking rocks earlier and out of the blue she licked one of them. LOL It was cute, adorable, and a little gross all at once. Uninfluenced innocence is priceless.
I've been out of the office for most of the week. Part of me misses my desk. I had to close my door this afternoon just to get things done and catch up. L said she wants to divorce me because she never sees me anymore. I had to promise we'll do lunch soon.
I want it to be autumn already. Summer was nice, but I'm ready for the cooler temperatures and changing colors. A new season...new changes...new unknowns......
"She smiled. Dreams end and hopes fade. The dark sky dissipates into light. Did I not want it enough, she questioned."
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Domino's?
I don't like Domino's. :)
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A told me the other day, "Auntie CC, you're old, you need to have a baby." (Her mommy is ready to pop and her auntie on her dad's side just gave birth.)
I laughed and said, "I can't have a baby, I'm not married. Your mommy's married to your daddy and Auntie L is married to Uncle Z, that's why they're having babies."
She pouted.
"Besides," I told her, "if I have a baby, who will buy you a Barbie every time we go to the store. Or clothes and new shoes."
She thought about it. "Okay, you don't have to have a baby."
LOL. She's hilarious. I love to annoy her because it's too easy.
Baby Boy decided not to come early, so we have more waiting to do. My sister just wants him out at this moment. ;D A's ready to meet her brother as well.
I love the weekends. I love the fact that I can stay in my pjs all day, enthralled in a good book. There's no need to dress up, no need to put on makeup, no need to talk or smile to people. I can just relax.
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every now and then i come back and read this post.
there's something about. hopeful, but in that hope a sadness,
like your betting on a horse that you know will lose, but you
hope anyway. in the scene, i see the sun setting.
you should write another piece to this.
no, it's better frozen in time.
:)
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The geek in me finally caught up on season three of my favorite show on Syfy.
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I'm the only SSA at work today. :'( V and I decided to attend the fair yesterday. It was nice. Admission was only a buck, so that made it double awesome.
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Thank you mom and dad, for the Christmas present. I love it! It's exactly what I wanted. Your love knows no bounds. Know that it goes both ways.
Time is flying by too fast. Another day, another month, another year. It's hard to believe.
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:D He's such a cutie pie! His mommy left him alone with me for a few hours yesterday. Lol, Auntie CC almost gave up. *Sighs* Back to work tomorrow...... I should've taken two weeks off.
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It's a new year. I'm excited and happy to have another sister. :) Mom couldn't be happier. We loved her from the start.
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I'm super exhausted, but it was worth it. I hope they remember the tears of joy and overwhelming labor of love should they come across any difficulties building their life together.
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Tuesday, that's a really nice setup. The blue Hmong clothes are awesome.
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everything has changed and yet nothing has changed. Autumn is already here and soon winter.
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Attending a wedding over the weekend, one of the aunties asked me why I am still not married. I simply said I'm like the swift bird and walked away. I know that in Hmong culture, marriage is a coming-of-age thing, but I find myself always ready to see where the wind takes me. Like the swift bird, spending nearly their entire lives in flight, I want to explore every inch of life.
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My effing gosh
2008?
You a legend girl
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Driving to work this cold morning a song came on and reminded me of that time our flight was delayed and we spent the night causing all kinds of trouble in Memphis. LOL. You asked me if we could ever settle down but we both knew our ambitions were too big at the time. I hope you're happy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgRafRp-P-o (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgRafRp-P-o)
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my co-worker is so funny. lol
co-worker: what do you use?
me:huh?
co-worker: for your skin, you don't look older than 25!
me: and I get hit on by only boys! LOL
(https://i.imgur.com/gVQCW5b.jpg)
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my co-worker is so funny. lol
co-worker: what do you use?
me:huh?
co-worker: for your skin, you don't look older than 25!
me: and I get hit on by only boys! LOL
https://imgur.com/a/mxUOiGX
get your Bonk! stick ready.
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my auntie set me up on a date last night. I don't know what it is about Hmong men and how intimidated they are by Hmong women who work and are independent. He was telling me about how he thinks a woman should raise children, cook, and clean. I was thinking that I made more money than he does, and maybe we should switch roles. LOL.
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my auntie set me up on a date last night. I don't know what it is about Hmong men and how intimidated they are by Hmong women who work and are independent. He was telling me about how he thinks a woman should raise children, cook, and clean. I was thinking that I made more money than he does, and maybe we should switch roles. LOL.
Im not intimidated by independent working Hmong women and Im Hmoob. Lots of Hmong folks cant survive with just one income household so both are encouraged to contribute. Rocky, another pher, loves to wear the skirt in his family and that is perfectly fine too.
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my auntie set me up on a date last night. I don't know what it is about Hmong men and how intimidated they are by Hmong women who work and are independent. He was telling me about how he thinks a woman should raise children, cook, and clean. I was thinking that I made more money than he does, and maybe we should switch roles. LOL.
Stereotypes and traditional roles aside, it is what it is, regardless of race or creed.
It doesn't matter who has the better paying job, as long as both of you ARE working. I still come across GenX-er's (Hmong men) who would rather sit at home and collect "free" money. On the flip side I also come across Hmong women who wouldn't mind being anything more than a housewife.
In the end, You find someone or something that works for You and your potential mate. GL out in the wild.