2300
« on: April 05, 2014, 04:27:40 AM »
Just fighting for a little bit of peace and sleep. I work at night leaving for work at 6pm and generally coming home between the hours of 3-5 am in the morning. My body is beat up and it’s already hard enough to just rest and go to sleep with an aching and hurting body.
It’s so difficult when you have an ex-spouse who still insists on playing her dating games with other people and insists on coming home to sleep under your roof. Her claimed reason is to help watch the children, like be there to take them to school and be there to bring them home from school. Yet for the past few months, well like from Oct. of 2013, she has done so little of it up through the month of March 2014. In fact nearly all of the missed school days for the children was her making them miss the bus stop in the morning. And then of course when she can’t stand the children pestering her and she feels the need to get away from them. So then in the end, I have to get up to send the children to school when they miss the bus. It’s that it’s unnecessary, but she does it to disturb my sleep so I can’t get any sleep in. Some days I probably get only like about 1 hour of rem sleep. Most days, I get like a total of 4-5 hours of sleep but broken throughout the day. It’s no wonder I’m so tired all the time. This and add into the fear of her doing something crazy like maybe just trying to kill you in your sleep still haunts me at time. It’s also part of why I constantly have nightmares of always someone trying to kill me. That makes sleep in itself even more difficult. I go to a point where I get so tired that when I do finally fall asleep from exhaustion, I sleep like a rock without any sense of what’s happening around me. I’m usually at my most vulnerable times like these. It’s also when the ex-spouse steal the truck keys and off she goes to the casino and off she goes to commit adultery. Yes she usually empties my wallet of any cash, too.
Many times I wake up hours later, the kids are telling me they are very hungry and haven’t eaten anything. Well that just pisses me off. Their mother’s negligence and ignoring her kids. Their mother’s negligence is nothing new. That’s been happening from the day they were born. Still with the lack of proper rest and sleep. I have to fight my exhaustion and get up and cook something to feed my children. Of course afterwards I’ll be too angry and frustrated to go back to sleep. Often times, the ex-spouse won’t come home until 24-48 hours later. She typically claims she’s lost all of the money. Of which more than likely she lost it and still holds out whatever cash she has left somewhere else. Because afterwards a few days later, she will still manage to sneak out to the casino…like riding the bus for example and then have money to spend at the casino again. For someone who has no money, she sure has a lot of money from nowhere to gamble all the time. Again gambling isn’t the problem, it’s just the symptom. Getting away from her responsibility as a mother and wife is the problem. Child negligence, is a normal routine for her. I cannot fight her on that anymore. I’m just so tired of her, her negligence.
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