PebHmong Discussion Forum

General Category => Hmong Culture & History => Wedding Rituals & Customs => Topic started by: yuknowthat on September 07, 2012, 04:35:39 PM

Title: Bowing down
Post by: yuknowthat on September 07, 2012, 04:35:39 PM
yog tias nej yuav luag ib tug nkauj nyab, nej puas pes?
as in respect "pom niam, pom txiv, pom neej pom nus?"
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: harmony on October 24, 2012, 08:21:44 PM
I don't know if they even still do that. I know back in the days, they did and when the bride has a big family, the vauv had to pes for an extensively long time. Not sure about now. It could also be different from the moob dlaws and moob leeg too.
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: joot on October 24, 2012, 10:40:20 PM
I am curious, what if the husband to be is not Hmong? 
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: harmony on October 24, 2012, 10:44:25 PM
I would think he is required to do the same. prepare the knee pads.  O0 lol..
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: yuknowthat on October 30, 2012, 07:56:59 AM
I would think he is required to do the same. prepare the knee pads.  O0 lol..
thau ib ntus no kuv mob mob hauv caug le...can i be excuse due to health conditions like gout?  ::)  >:D :2funny:
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: yuknowthat on November 01, 2012, 04:12:18 AM
People still do it but I think I posted with someone who said that because they are christian so they don't do it? We are christian and we still do it. It's a part of the hmong culture and it's out of respect for the parents. I think I would be kinda mad if a guy refused to bow down to my parents. LOL
kuv confused lawm os...oh yo...ib pliag peb ib pliag hos tsis peb vim coj kev ntseeg chiab lawm...

txhob worry mas...parents these days tsis paub tu siab if the groom not pe... ;D
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: yuknowthat on November 01, 2012, 04:11:27 PM

Oh, I fogot.. it was you that told me that christian people tsis pe! :knuppel2: :knuppel2: :knuppel2: :idiot2:
huh are u sure? sorry wrong guy
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: yuknowthat on November 02, 2012, 09:46:40 AM

I'll have to go pull that thread. :2funny:
what thread? from my sweater?
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: MSV on January 13, 2013, 10:11:05 PM
thau ib ntus no kuv mob mob hauv caug le...can i be excuse due to health conditions like gout?  ::)  >:D :2funny:

Koj tseem qhia lawm thiab ces lawv hajyam hais kom koj pe ntxiv xwb os. ;D
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: night912 on February 17, 2013, 11:23:26 PM
It's not really about respect. It's more about making the new son-in-law suffer before he is part of the family. Same goes to the drinking part.
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: yuknowthat on April 25, 2013, 09:49:28 AM
Koj tseem qhia lawm thiab ces lawv hajyam hais kom koj pe ntxiv xwb os. ;D
:2funny: ces mam makes kiag another excuse ntxiv because i don't want to drink "thov txim kuv cog lus rau kuv txiv kuv tsis haus cawv lawm"
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: Toumeng on August 07, 2013, 10:02:13 PM
yog tias nej yuav luag ib tug nkauj nyab, nej puas pes?
as in respect "pom niam, pom txiv, pom neej pom nus?"


Not only you pe your in-laws, you pe your parents and dab qhuas too.
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: Reporter on August 08, 2013, 04:46:45 PM
It's not really about respect. It's more about making the new son-in-law suffer before he is part of the family. Same goes to the drinking part.

There was a tiny group of Hmong in Laos that often did that to their sons-in-law-to-be. Each time their daughters married someone, they'd require so much whiskey to be poured onto the sons-in-law that later such SILs would never be able to live a good life again. The idea was both to torture and to prevent life competition from the daughter's new family.
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: Reporter on August 08, 2013, 04:49:40 PM
yog tias nej yuav luag ib tug nkauj nyab, nej puas pes?
as in respect "pom niam, pom txiv, pom neej pom nus?"


Many times the kow towing isn't to show respect but to show submission to the bride's relatives and groom's relatives who are helping him get married. It becomes a torture when the in-laws require more and more whiskey or more and more kow towing on expanded relatives. Mine was a terrible one, which is partly why I've never been able to get over it. My best man and I were ordered to pe all of her relatives from all of the world, including not just those in the states but also those in Laos, Thailand, France, and China, too. They didn't even appear at the wedding. I'm afraid to marry a Hmong girl again. But maybe a Christian girl might be ok.
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: MovKuam on September 25, 2013, 11:28:08 AM
I am curious, what if the husband to be is not Hmong? 

All things are invalid.
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: dlabtsi_os on September 25, 2013, 12:40:06 PM
Many times the kow towing isn't to show respect but to show submission to the bride's relatives and groom's relatives who are helping him get married. It becomes a torture when the in-laws require more and more whiskey or more and more kow towing on expanded relatives. Mine was a terrible one, which is partly why I've never been able to get over it. My best man and I were ordered to pe all of her relatives from all of the world, including not just those in the states but also those in Laos, Thailand, France, and China, too. They didn't even appear at the wedding. I'm afraid to marry a Hmong girl again. But maybe a Christian girl might be ok.
There was a tiny group of Hmong in Laos that often did that to their sons-in-law-to-be. Each time their daughters married someone, they'd require so much whiskey to be poured onto the sons-in-law that later such SILs would never be able to live a good life again. The idea was both to torture and to prevent life competition from the daughter's new family.

Is the reason cause the favor ZIJ POM NIAM?  Bride knapping. :2funny: Okay joking aside. If the son-in laws were smart or fortunate, their parent should tell you him to avoid pitfall traps. When is it too many to drink. Many family will try to make/trick you drink a lot in terms of their gratitude. Each shot is for each gratitude. Another pit fall is they make you recite or guess a riddle. To counter the gratitude, you have to basically have to give more gratitude to them. On the riddle this is something you have to learn from yourself. But fortunately, nowadays many Hmong don't know these riddles or proverb so yeah.
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: jon_jon on September 25, 2013, 10:48:30 PM
I think that spouses that are not Hmong don't follow the tradition of bowing down. They getaway too easy!

But I believe that if you don't want to bow down you shouldn't have to. Parents from both sides will have to understand, but it's up to the couple. If they want to keep it traditional or pass that up it's their call.

Hmong marriage should NOT be about the Parent's respect and how noble they are, but the respect of love from them to their new son-in-law or daughter-in-law. They should respect the newly-wed's wishes! Parent's need to humble themselves and stop that tradition.

It shouldn't be all about "bowing down" to the parents and dab qhua in a marriage.
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: theking on September 26, 2013, 12:41:00 AM
I think that spouses that are not Hmong don't follow the tradition of bowing down. They getaway too easy!

But I believe that if you don't want to bow down you shouldn't have to. Parents from both sides will have to understand, but it's up to the couple. If they want to keep it traditional or pass that up it's their call.

Hmong marriage should NOT be about the Parent's respect and how noble they are, but the respect of love from them to their new son-in-law or daughter-in-law. They should respect the newly-wed's wishes! Parent's need to humble themselves and stop that tradition.

It shouldn't be all about "bowing down" to the parents and dab qhua in a marriage.

I agree with that passage for the most part. Afterall, the wedding day is suppose to be the bride and groom's day and should also be one of the happiest day for them. Not getting slammed with liquor and hard labor. It should be up to them whether they want to do it or not.
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: thehotone on November 07, 2013, 10:05:47 AM
my hsb like to joke with me sometimes saying that he's already "beg and plead" for my hands in marriage and don't i know how hard it was for him to go thru all that to have me in his life.  ;D
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: Reporter on November 07, 2013, 12:02:23 PM
yog tias nej yuav luag ib tug nkauj nyab, nej puas pes?
as in respect "pom niam, pom txiv, pom neej pom nus?"


The word is kowtow= pe.

Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: Stybic_Kemaka on April 07, 2015, 11:18:59 PM
So smart but then y go do wedding at inlaw place ... Go rent big place decorate big cake n call a pastor over n guarantee no "pe"

Oh yeah n make sure no bring alcohol either cause too pussy to drink lol
Title: Re: Bowing down
Post by: Hung_Low on July 20, 2023, 07:27:34 AM
All things are invalid.

And that's the thing I hate about Hmong and their customs... whenever an outsider married a Hmong, then all these things are out the window.
If you're going to make Hmong do it... then make all race do it.