PebHmong Discussion Forum
General Category => Hmong Culture & History => Wedding Rituals & Customs => Topic started by: slude on May 20, 2009, 03:12:10 PM
-
inform your parents that you will bring home your bride and plan out a day/time. this will give your parents time to prepare and call a relative to 'fi xov', notify the bride's parents.
-when you & bride approach the front door, tell your parents 'niam thiab txiv kuv coj tau nyab los tsev" and then 'pe' your parents and beg them for their support and help with the wedding. your dad will use either a live chicken, broom, tree branch, etc to 'lwm qaib' and welcome you/bride into the house.
-your parents will call relatives and tell them to go to the bride's house and inform her parents. they will need to bring money, drinks/cups and cigarettes.
-the actual wedding starts at your house. relatives will tie strings around you/wife wrists. the wedding party (mej koob, best man, father of the ntxhais tais ntsuab) will sit at the table along with other elders and 1 close elder (uncle) representing your parents.
-after the meal, the 2 mej koob will ask you and your best man to pe. take of your shoes and when the mej koob give thanks to your parents/relatives/spirits, you and the best man go down on you knees and up.
-then it's time to go. you and the best man will carry the blanket/food/basket kawm. the best man carries the basket and you the blanket.
-there is a rest stop along the way to the bride's house. the mej koob will prepare the chicken from the basket and everyone will eat before moving on.
-once you arrive at their house. the mej koob will advise you to follow them in a specific order. once you get inside, take off your shoes and prepare to 'pe' a few times.
the rest of the night will be negotiation and some of your relatives will join you at the inlaws' house.
-------------------------
the next day...
-wake up early to help with the butchering and cooking. invite your relatives to come help.
-there will be a first meal, breakfast. everyone will eat, including outside relatives and women/children.
-after the breakfast, the wedding starts. the inlaws appointed relatives 'dab laug, nuj tij, nus npaws' will sit at the table along with your respective 'niam txiv tom ub (your close uncle/relative) best man and you.
-your mej koob will partner up with the other side's mej koob. they will appoint someone at the table to be the moderator and oversee any bitter/sweet exchange. he will explain, no crossing your arms/legs and do not speak the word 'tas (done)' instead use the word 'meej'
-wedding begins. the inlaws' mej koob will ask the bride's relatives to thank your parents (niam txiv tom ub) for the money, food, wedding. this is when everyone gets up and thank your side. they will thank your mejkoob, uncle, you and your best man.
-your mejkoob will thank their relatives and inlaws for the food/wedding. this is when they will get up and thank the inlaws relatives and other mejkoob. at this time, you and your best man, stand up and thank the 'nus tij and nus npaws'. if you don't know how or what to say, here's the simplest version:
"ua tsaug. niam txiv tom ub ua tsis muaj kab muaj ke tuaj los niam txiv tom no ua muaj kab muaj ke tos. ua tsaug niam txiv tom no." ---simple
-after the ua tsaug, there will continue to be a few rounds of beers. watch carefully (hands, gestures) of the mejkoob or person drinking to you. do as they do and remember to always fill the cups all the way. if a can of beer seems low/empty, don't pour it halfway otherwise you will have to drink a half full/empy cup and refill.
-your bride and maid will dress and stand next to you and the best man. the mejkoob will ask you to stand up, take off your shoes and bow. the other mejkoob will direct you/best man to bow. this is when the nus tij/nus npaws will bring a blanket and cover the area where you will be bowing. they will place 2 cups of beer in the center of the blanket. your mejkoob will negotiate to remove the blankets and you and your best man will have to drink the beer.
-now 'pe' till you can't stand up. ha-ha.
-after this, everyone will sit and the nus tij/nus npaws will present to the mejkoob the type/size of cups they'd wish to 'zeem' you and your best man, their new brother n laws. this toast "zeem" is called 'nyuj sib nraus' or 'bull fighting' metaphor for the cups clashing in the middle.
-they often refer the cup as 'nyuj'.
-the nus tij/ nus npaws will start from one side, you/best man will start from the other depending where you sit. sometime, there will be a nus tij/nus npaws on both ends and they will start. when 'zeem' tell the person you're drinking to your full name, that today you are married to their sisters/daughter/niece and that from now on you will honor/acknowledge your relationship as brother n laws. drink then pour and pass to the next person.
-other people will zeem and give you beer. if they give you a different size cup than the size agreed by the mej koob, ask that person to clear it with your mejkoob. the people have no right to force you to drink a different size/can or different beer/liquor.
-the mejkoob will go over the list of people who have given you gifts/money and how much your inlaws have given to you/wife. you and your wife will get advice from the relatives.
-when the time comes, your mejkoob will request to leave. nus tij/nus npaws will take the blanket and basket outside, wait there with a can/cup of beer. when your party is out the door, offer to drink the beer and take back the blanket/basket. you take the blanket, your best man takes the basket.
-walk to the car. another rest stop to eat the chicken.
---------------------------------
back at home....
-your parents and relatives prepare food on the table.
-when you get home, you will have to bow a few times.
-the same people will sit at the table and the mejkoob will explain the whole wedding to your parents/relatives. they will go over any problems encountered and read/give the list of the people that have donated gifts/money to your parents. your uncle who went and sat at the wedding table with you will review the wedding and give his testimony of the event.
done. happy marriage.
-
Thanks for taking the time to type this. It's very informative yet, as you stated, "in a nutshell".
I'm saving this. :)
-
good read...thanks you! :)
-
I guess it's a good summary from 30000 feet. Probably works for someone who just wants to see ants scurrying about.
-
wow! good job! O0
-
I like it thanks for sharing ;) :)
-
this is hmoob dawb way of marriage..hmoo b leeg or hmoob ntsuab(there's a difference) is kinda of different..i think they add a little bit more to it..
-
Thank you very much for the detailed step-by-step explanation.
I've been asked to be a nus tij for my cousin's wedding this weekend and I'm a bit nervous. Never done it before. If you don't mind, please explain the duties of the nus tij. You mentioned some duties above but what are the things the "nus tij" will have to say.
Thanks.
-
Thanks for this.
-
:) HAHA GOOD ONE
-
inform your parents that you will bring home your bride and plan out a day/time. this will give your parents time to prepare and call a relative to 'fi xov', notify the bride's parents.
-when you & bride approach the front door, tell your parents 'niam thiab txiv kuv coj tau nyab los tsev" and then 'pe' your parents and beg them for their support and help with the wedding. your dad will use either a live chicken, broom, tree branch, etc to 'lwm qaib' and welcome you/bride into the house.
-your parents will call relatives and tell them to go to the bride's house and inform her parents. they will need to bring money, drinks/cups and cigarettes.
What happens if the parents don't have the money for the dowry?
-
What happens if the parents don't have the money for the dowry?
loans from relatives, do whatever to it takes to complete the wedding process.
-
An important thing that was missed is that when you take the blanket and basket back, you will hand them money also. Also, another thing to note is the way you pour your beer on the table. If they start on your left, you pour from your right hand and the opposite if they start from the right. I've had to drink a few because of that, but it really depends on the mejkoob if they are stringent. I don't think i have ever been to a wedding that was exactly the same as any other one.
-
this is hmoob dawb way of marriage..hmoo b leeg or hmoob ntsuab(there's a difference) is kinda of different..i think they add a little bit more to it..
yea, they bring out the rice wine! during my brother's wedding...his in laws probably went through 4 or more bottles of rice wine. their plan was to get my brother and his best man drunk. unfortunately, their plan didn't work. one word of advice, never try to poison your alcoholic son in law with alcohol 'cause it usually doesn't work, especially when his alcoholic family and friends were also there, too. we all talked and laughed about it later...
-
After reading this whole thing, it doesn't seem so much like a "nutshell" anymore... sounds more like a book. LOL
lol. this is in a nutshell only and outlines the general procedures. if it's too much, then you need to attend a few weddings to understand the 'nutshell'. the details are more like a bible.
O0
-
yea, they bring out the rice wine! during my brother's wedding...his in laws probably went through 4 or more bottles of rice wine. their plan was to get my brother and his best man drunk. unfortunately, their plan didn't work. one word of advice, never try to poison your alcoholic son in law with alcohol 'cause it usually doesn't work, especially when his alcoholic family and friends were also there, too. we all talked and laughed about it later...
Yes mam! The Hmong Thaos Hmong Green, especially the ones who still practice their traditional wedding custom and ritual to the way it's originally suppose to be---will get the groom's side focked up ;D The sisters, the women, the uncles, the sons, errrrrybody---waits in line to toast the groom and his green lady O0
Word from the wise: If you can't hang with beer drinking, then don't marry a traditional hmong girl. 8)
-
oh how informative, thanks for taking the time to enlighten/educate us! O0 +1
hmoob weddings....wa rm beer+big pieces of jiggly pork fat+possible 100s of bowing=someone throwing some nasty shiat!!! :D :D :D
yeah hmoob ntsuab also have this thing where they drink beer/liquor/moonshine from a bowl but with no hands...that's hardcore! 8) O0 :2funny:
-
Nice thread O0
-
wow this is excellent, im gonna print this out for my future reference, thanks alot for the knowlede.
-
oh how informative, thanks for taking the time to enlighten/educate us! O0 +1
hmoob weddings....wa rm beer+big pieces of jiggly pork fat+possible 100s of bowing=someone throwing some nasty shiat!!! :D :D :D
yeah hmoob ntsuab also have this thing where they drink beer/liquor/moonshine from a bowl but with no hands...that's hardcore! 8) O0 :2funny:
Nplawm nyuj bowl drink. Its easy if u know how to drink it otherwise its a mess
-
Thanks for sharing,
I have one to attend in 2 weeks. Very informative.
-
Oh my god :] this is so helpful. Thanks for taking your time to explain the process.
-
inform your parents that you will bring home your bride and plan out a day/time. this will give your parents time to prepare and call a relative to 'fi xov', notify the bride's parents.
-when you & bride approach the front door, tell your parents 'niam thiab txiv kuv coj tau nyab los tsev" and then 'pe' your parents and beg them for their support and help with the wedding. your dad will use either a live chicken, broom, tree branch, etc to 'lwm qaib' and welcome you/bride into the house.
-your parents will call relatives and tell them to go to the bride's house and inform her parents. they will need to bring money, drinks/cups and cigarettes.
-the actual wedding starts at your house. relatives will tie strings around you/wife wrists. the wedding party (mej koob, best man, father of the ntxhais tais ntsuab) will sit at the table along with other elders and 1 close elder (uncle) representing your parents.
-after the meal, the 2 mej koob will ask you and your best man to pe. take of your shoes and when the mej koob give thanks to your parents/relatives/spirits, you and the best man go down on you knees and up.
-then it's time to go. you and the best man will carry the blanket/food/basket kawm. the best man carries the basket and you the blanket.
-there is a rest stop along the way to the bride's house. the mej koob will prepare the chicken from the basket and everyone will eat before moving on.
-once you arrive at their house. the mej koob will advise you to follow them in a specific order. once you get inside, take off your shoes and prepare to 'pe' a few times.
the rest of the night will be negotiation and some of your relatives will join you at the inlaws' house.
-------------------------
the next day...
-wake up early to help with the butchering and cooking. invite your relatives to come help.
-there will be a first meal, breakfast. everyone will eat, including outside relatives and women/children.
-after the breakfast, the wedding starts. the inlaws appointed relatives 'dab laug, nuj tij, nus npaws' will sit at the table along with your respective 'niam txiv tom ub (your close uncle/relative) best man and you.
-your mej koob will partner up with the other side's mej koob. they will appoint someone at the table to be the moderator and oversee any bitter/sweet exchange. he will explain, no crossing your arms/legs and do not speak the word 'tas (done)' instead use the word 'meej'
-wedding begins. the inlaws' mej koob will ask the bride's relatives to thank your parents (niam txiv tom ub) for the money, food, wedding. this is when everyone gets up and thank your side. they will thank your mejkoob, uncle, you and your best man.
-your mejkoob will thank their relatives and inlaws for the food/wedding. this is when they will get up and thank the inlaws relatives and other mejkoob. at this time, you and your best man, stand up and thank the 'nus tij and nus npaws'. if you don't know how or what to say, here's the simplest version:
"ua tsaug. niam txiv tom ub ua tsis muaj kab muaj ke tuaj los niam txiv tom no ua muaj kab muaj ke tos. ua tsaug niam txiv tom no." ---simple
-after the ua tsaug, there will continue to be a few rounds of beers. watch carefully (hands, gestures) of the mejkoob or person drinking to you. do as they do and remember to always fill the cups all the way. if a can of beer seems low/empty, don't pour it halfway otherwise you will have to drink a half full/empy cup and refill.
-your bride and maid will dress and stand next to you and the best man. the mejkoob will ask you to stand up, take off your shoes and bow. the other mejkoob will direct you/best man to bow. this is when the nus tij/nus npaws will bring a blanket and cover the area where you will be bowing. they will place 2 cups of beer in the center of the blanket. your mejkoob will negotiate to remove the blankets and you and your best man will have to drink the beer.
-now 'pe' till you can't stand up. ha-ha.
-after this, everyone will sit and the nus tij/nus npaws will present to the mejkoob the type/size of cups they'd wish to 'zeem' you and your best man, their new brother n laws. this toast "zeem" is called 'nyuj sib nraus' or 'bull fighting' metaphor for the cups clashing in the middle.
-they often refer the cup as 'nyuj'.
-the nus tij/ nus npaws will start from one side, you/best man will start from the other depending where you sit. sometime, there will be a nus tij/nus npaws on both ends and they will start. when 'zeem' tell the person you're drinking to your full name, that today you are married to their sisters/daughter/niece and that from now on you will honor/acknowledge your relationship as brother n laws. drink then pour and pass to the next person.
-other people will zeem and give you beer. if they give you a different size cup than the size agreed by the mej koob, ask that person to clear it with your mejkoob. the people have no right to force you to drink a different size/can or different beer/liquor.
-the mejkoob will go over the list of people who have given you gifts/money and how much your inlaws have given to you/wife. you and your wife will get advice from the relatives.
-when the time comes, your mejkoob will request to leave. nus tij/nus npaws will take the blanket and basket outside, wait there with a can/cup of beer. when your party is out the door, offer to drink the beer and take back the blanket/basket. you take the blanket, your best man takes the basket.
-walk to the car. another rest stop to eat the chicken.
---------------------------------
back at home....
-your parents and relatives prepare food on the table.
-when you get home, you will have to bow a few times.
-the same people will sit at the table and the mejkoob will explain the whole wedding to your parents/relatives. they will go over any problems encountered and read/give the list of the people that have donated gifts/money to your parents. your uncle who went and sat at the wedding table with you will review the wedding and give his testimony of the event.
done. happy marriage.
O0 O0 O0
-
I guess it's a good summary from 30000 feet. Probably works for someone who just wants to see ants scurrying about.
;D --- true, slude missed some key points here and there, but I guess for those who are clueless, it is better than nothing.
And slude, when you bring the bride/girl home, unless it is unexpectedly, all preparations (lwm qaib, fi xov) is already set to go.
this is hmoob dawb way of marriage..hmoo b leeg or hmoob ntsuab(there's a difference) is kinda of different..i think they add a little bit more to it..
The differences are minimal at best.
Thank you very much for the detailed step-by-step explanation.
I've been asked to be a nus tij for my cousin's wedding this weekend and I'm a bit nervous. Never done it before. If you don't mind, please explain the duties of the nus tij. You mentioned some duties above but what are the things the "nus tij" will have to say.
Thanks.
Nothing to do. Just show up to eat (fatten up) and drink (get drunk if u r an alcoholic). Period. The only thing is "ua tsaug niam txiv rooj mov dej txiag", though it is not even a requirement nowadays - done by you specifically - because most folks know you guys/gals don't know this shiets anymore.
-
i don't see anyone being informative on ph about hmong customs. better than nothing to the non-informed hmong u.s. kids. i hope this thread will help the hmong u.s. kids understand the hmong wedding system in a "nutshell". the thread was not intended to be the '18 xeem' of hmong weddding novel.
there are detailed hmong wedding books for sell on ebay. but if you're a know-it-all, maybe you should post a thread and enlight us on the details rather than complain and insert comments to a thread of 'nutshell'.
just saying...
enjoy.
-
slude,
Yes, you did emphasize NUTSHELL - ;D However, bare in the mind, for those who are clueless like most US-Hmong kids, they will think it is equivalent to 18 Xeem's wedding novel. (fyi - I have never seen nor heard of 18 Xeem having a wedding novel, only some unofficial proposals the Hmong community in general have adopted for the most part - specifically the "bride price" and other wedding costs.)
And no one claims to be a "know-it-all", as the Hmong wedding, much like a lot of Hmong customs have idiosyncrasies across the board as some have already noted among the White VS Green groups.
And, yes, I did say this was/is better than nothing.
Lastly, I do not contribute any Hmong insight/customs because most US-Hmong kids could care less thus it is a waste of my time and effort. The only time I contribute is to either clarify, add, or provide further examples, insight, and explanation to help the cause - O0
just saying ... ua tsaug
-
thanks chi. could youl fill in some of the gaps, to complete the nut, so our youths would have more balls to handle this?
-
+1, Slude!