PebHmong Discussion Forum
Relationship => Dear Dr. PebHmong => Topic started by: JaS on September 21, 2012, 01:05:37 PM
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I have been single for 3yrs now. I think it's time I start dating again but I find it extremely hard to trust men. Everything they say or tell me just seem like a bunch of lies.
I'll never be able to find anyone to be with if I can't get past this....
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make him earn your love... it'll last longer.
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Jas..
First you gotta do is get your feet wet in the dating game again. You will not be able to trust any man.. but there will be certain man that will be able to earn your trust. Usually those are one of the few.. Give it a try... Don't give up or stop.. just give it a try and have fun while you are at it too.. It doesn't matter what you do.. Never get intimate with anyone of the guys.. ;)..
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Jas.... i totally understand where you are coming from in this post. i don't really have an answer for you but i think darknight has a good point about trust.
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We've all been there. I still remember this Vang girl...damn that girl cheated on me, I was so young and stupid. I never saw Hmong girls the same again. From that day on, I never really trusted Hmong girls anymore, especially back in those days when Hmong girls would run off in bunches and married someone else besides their BF. I finally found a perfect solution to my problems; preventing my heart to be broken and let tell you, it works wonders....... ......
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And that solution would be? :idiot2:
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And that solution would be? :idiot2:
The reason I didn't tell you my solution is that...you are not going to like it :2funny: :2funny:
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How you know I won't like it? :( :-\ :idiot2:
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I have been single for 3yrs now. I think it's time I start dating again but I find it extremely hard to trust men. Everything they say or tell me just seem like a bunch of lies.
I'll never be able to find anyone to be with if I can't get past this....
don't trust in men, trust in God.
find a man who will trust God, and you'll know how trustworthy he is.
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I have been single for 3yrs now. I think it's time I start dating again but I find it extremely hard to trust men. Everything they say or tell me just seem like a bunch of lies.
I'll never be able to find anyone to be with if I can't get past this....
puahhaah depends on what kind of lies? small ones or the ones that are "i'm married, but i'm not telling you that and i'll let you find out later..."
women lies , men lies..
and also oh! lower that wall of china so the good gentlemen group can see you..being jaded; a man can only wait so long to want to get to know you more on a different stage
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I've learned that men who are divorced and are experienced (been single longer) will not be dating only one woman. And yes....they will say the same thing to many women. Experienced single men these days just want to have fun.
If you want a decent man with an honest heart, it will be hard to find.
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yoo.. this is ur boy wtf... ok ima start out by saying do u love urself first? that means do u love ur job, weight,hair style,clothing,etc.... if u dont love urself then learn to love urself first.... wat ive learned in my short life to today is learn to love urself.. i didnt realli find love until i started working out, got lean,lost weight,got more active, and then before i knew it women were checking me out and then i was the one who decided if i wanted her or her or her or her..... when i was chubby nobody wanted to holla at me..but now that im taking care of myself daily and im more leaner, i swear to god everywhere i go i see eyes jus lookin and women of all ages from 19-to about 40 jus looking... and i can see it in their eyes that they are interested... but enuff about me all i gotta say is if u dont love urself then its gonna be hard to find a guy to love u... and find a guy that makes u laugh ... even if hes not all that as long as he maks u laugh n smile then u'll be ok... i onli speak from experience.... . and when u do learn to love urself, then others i guaranteee u ,will love u too... good luck to u.....
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don't trust in men, trust in God.
find a man who will trust God, and you'll know how trustworthy he is.
:idiot2:
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How you know I won't like it? :( :-\ :idiot2:
Alright. I decided that I would no longer commit to just one relationship, one girl. I dated casually for years and let things comes to me. It's a numbers game. The more exposure you have, the higher the chances of finding THAT ONE for you. By dating casually, you give yourself more opportunities to meet more people and get to know people long before you decide this is the person I want to commit to. When I say casual dating, it doesn't always mean...sleep around with everyone or anyone. Too many damn people get confuse and don't understand, thinking love and sex is the same damn thing. It's not.
It's not for everyone but for me, it works. I dated casually with no commitment and when I finally had the opportunity to meet the one I want to spend the rest of my life with....I go in for the win...win her heart at ALL COST.
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Yes Theo! Cheated on, lies to.....I never knew how mean a person can be until I met my last ex.
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:idiot2:
Please explain your view.
You have no God therefore, u are able to do anything u want to? Following all its carnal nature. And it is all relative to ur perception of things on earth. Then u go crying that u don't trust in men? Because we are all alike?
worse advice ever
my thoughts exactly
why can't you trust men? were you cheated on?
and your advice is to do what?...
a man without a solid foundation will fall when the storms come.
but people of this world trust in materialistic things.
by that I mean, look at his heart. where is it?
what's inside? is he full of hate, jealousy, greed, anger, and pain?
A man can not trust only in himself because he is made of this world.
therefore he has to trust in someone who is greater than he is.
you get my drift...
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is there something wrong with a man who trusts in God?...
please just look at your money you spend everyday.
everyone knows it is NOT worth anything valuable, but a mere piece of paper. we trust that this money can buy and purchase goods.
what does it say at the bottom!
"Trust in God..."
but you have to dig deeper. do men really trust in his money or does he trust in God? with money being everything that he desires to make his own. if he's chasing the things of this earth, is that all there is to life?
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so let's say women are chasing men or vice versa....
men are chasing after money (or other things)!
it all leads to no where but destruction... .
so when men chase after God!
women will see the difference.
you see that life is more than just making money etc....
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if i wanted a sermon i would had went to church.
if you havent noticed... there are good people all over this world... and they didnt need religion to be good people. stop making this theead a religious nutty thread.
what is good?...
no need to preach. however, good is not enough in some cases.
but even good people who have no absolute truths rely on their own understanding and how they were raised and/or surroundings.
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get off your hypocritical judgmental high horse and you'll understand it better. hope this helps. now we can get off the religious nutty topic.
not being hypocritical. so says the guy who's pointing fingers.
just provoking a thought into your head.
since u can tell who is good and who is not, by the way you live?... ;)
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I have been single for 3yrs now. I think it's time I start dating again but I find it extremely hard to trust men. Everything they say or tell me just seem like a bunch of lies.
I'll never be able to find anyone to be with if I can't get past this....
Don't worry...you aren't the only one that feels this way.
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if you know that and choose not to do anything about it then come into terms with being by yourself and accept it. make friends with benefits and you'll never have to trust any man nor listen to any of their sweet lies.....now if you think what i just said was cold and harsh then sweetheart get over it. you're a freaken grown up ALL adults lies, hurt, and do things and say things we shouldn't but to linger over it only proves it's not the men it's you. jaded women give good single women a bad name.
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Just don't date. I've been out of a loooong relationship. Been approached by men, and have not been out on a date. I'm done with men.
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What you should do is make the men work to get you. Or n other watch him prove to you that he is a sincere guy and work for your love. Only if Im single then maybe we can hook up. Not to be conceited but all my x girl friends had to work it and prove to me that they are worth my time otherwise I would of never given them the chance. N what did they get n return? a guy who never cheats on them and tell them the truth even though it hurts sometimes. I say it as it is n sometimes its hurtful but hey Im a straight forward guy.Someone who will tell you the truth when your friends are not. So if you ask me if you look fat n that dress I'll tell you the whole truth n not hold back. Im not gonna lie and say you look pretty n that dress. I'll tell you if you're fat n that dress n ask you if you want to put something else on if not go ahead n wear that dress that made you look fat I don't care Im not the one looking fat n that dress. Oh n I would expect the same from you too.
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gee... sounds like most of yall ladies are selling yourselves short!
rule of thumb (i always tell my daughters) when i comes to being single and dating
1. never take any guy serious (no commitement to any one guy) until you are done with Masters degree and ready to start a family.
2. never have sex with guys (prevents emotional scarring like what you ladies are going through)
3. never ever serve yourself nor your heart on a platter for any guy to stump on... why would you want to set yourself up for a BIG disappointment?
4. never let yourself be a stepping stone for any guy's relationship journey to where he is heading.
5. always accept guys as friends and no more than just friends
6. flirt
7. flirt
8. only have guy friends who will benefit you... or who can assist you or help you according to your comfort zone
9. flirt
10. flirt and be a smart player... and have fun until you are ready to settle down.
:2funny:
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gee... sounds like most of yall ladies are selling yourselves short!
rule of thumb (i always tell my daughters) when i comes to being single and dating
1. never take any guy serious (no commitement to any one guy) until you are done with Masters degree and ready to start a family.
2. never have sex with guys (prevents emotional scarring like what you ladies are going through)
3. never ever serve yourself nor your heart on a platter for any guy to stump on... why would you want to set yourself up for a BIG disappointment?
4. never let yourself be a stepping stone for any guy's relationship journey to where he is heading.
5. always accept guys as friends and no more than just friends
6. flirt
7. flirt
8. only have guy friends who will benefit you... or who can assist you or help you according to your comfort zone
9. flirt
10. flirt and be a smart player... and have fun until you are ready to settle down.
Rule # 11- girls never follow the rules because they got this thing called emotions. :2funny:
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The real question is can you trust yourself. Being able to trust again begins with you. It's being able to handle what the other person does and not predicting what they are going to do. Will you be able to trust yourself to draw the line when your trust has been violated. If you can trust yourself, you'll be fine. So if and when somone violates your trust, you'll know you are able to get through it.
I agree with what Darknight is saying "First you have to trust yourself!" I've experienced from girl friends when breakups happen, woman usually second guess themselves about their self worth. The What's and the Why's. Which in turn leads to low self-esteem and castle walls being built. With walls around you it's hard for you to trust again so even when you meet a good guy you often tell yourself "This is too good to be true?" and that scares the ladies that someone could really have feelings for you! But because you don't wanna get hurt again you push the guy away.
"It's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all"...........Alf red Lord Tennyson
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I have been single for 3yrs now. I think it's time I start dating again but I find it extremely hard to trust men. Everything they say or tell me just seem like a bunch of lies.
I'll never be able to find anyone to be with if I can't get past this....
:-[ I have the same problem....
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gee... sounds like most of yall ladies are selling yourselves short!
rule of thumb (i always tell my daughters) when i comes to being single and dating
1. never take any guy serious (no commitement to any one guy) until you are done with Masters degree and ready to start a family.
2. never have sex with guys (prevents emotional scarring like what you ladies are going through)
3. never ever serve yourself nor your heart on a platter for any guy to stump on... why would you want to set yourself up for a BIG disappointment?
4. never let yourself be a stepping stone for any guy's relationship journey to where he is heading.
5. always accept guys as friends and no more than just friends
6. flirt
7. flirt
8. only have guy friends who will benefit you... or who can assist you or help you according to your comfort zone
9. flirt
10. flirt and be a smart player... and have fun until you are ready to settle down.
:2funny:
O0
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Why date? Just talk to a bunch of guys and you'll find one that captures your heart and isn't a liar
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lmao
trust is a two way street
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This is 2014 so what is the update?
You know why I don't date viet girls? Well I will bone them but I will not give them the time of day.
Reason for it is probably the same reason that you shared. Your own people have jaded you.
They say that there are still good people within your own kind around but at what cost are you going to take just to find them? Know what I'm saying?
So therefore, I play with "others" and hoping that "others" will screw me over to send me back to my viet people but I'm comfortable where I am at. I just wish that there is a hmong chick out there that will put a super dent in my underachieved ego so she can send me back to where I belong. I'll even thank her too. :2funny:
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I don't trust Hmong girls...they're all liars. O0
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sometimes people cheat is because they can't control it (1% of the time). the other 99% is because they felt like they could.
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Yeah, I hate when people are cheated on, lied to, or get screwed over and I'm not the one cheating, lying, or screwing others over.
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this thread is old ;D
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LOL...let's revive some threads that are over 5+ years...yeh yah yea.
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don't trust in men, trust in God.
find a man who will trust God, and you'll know how trustworthy he is.
Sorry but even men who believe and trust in God cannot be trusted completely.
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Sorry but even men who believe and trust in God cannot be trusted completely.
Then how much more can you believe in a person who doesn't trust in anything at all. A person can only trust someone so much until they break that trust. Who sets the rules, are the rules made by men to govern themselves or were they created by a sovereign God to rule over people?
We've read lots of news on molestations by priests and pastors, haven't we?
News reporters have a habit of portraying every wrong thing the community does more so than all the good that lies in it. Although I don't condone people of authority to abuse their power over others. Molestation and abuse is an overall epidemic disease that does not only occur within a certain group of people.
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I have been single for 3yrs now. I think it's time I start dating again but I find it extremely hard to trust men. Everything they say or tell me just seem like a bunch of lies.
I'll never be able to find anyone to be with if I can't get past this....
Nothing wrong with being alone. And don't look back, you're not going that way.
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its tough for a girl. there are guys both married and married prey on girls. less women prey on men. its hard to tell a good person from a bad one. a man who is willing to die for his guy friends may have no problem abusing his woman. take it slow. know his friends and family. see how he treat others especially those weaker. good luck. you can always go solo in life. it is the new trend.
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Interesting.
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Interesting.
Here we are, 5 years later and plenty of women for me later.
What have I learned? I've learned that the op may be jaded like 10 years ago but look at her today. All happy n chit thus why no complaint. This is the reason why I say to live for tomorrow because the future will be mighty.
I've read up on my own posting and that was me 5 years ago and I was hoping for a Hmong chick to send me back to my Viet chick but it hasn't happened yet. I need a stronger does of them corrupted Hmong women to really send me home. :2funny:
I've learned that rejection of any given race will shorten my populational pool of prospects and as I aged, I need more and not less of them females for me to prey upon.
Stupid Lily to bump up old threads. See you guys with an update about 5 more years and a Hmong wife n half breed kid from now. :D
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Here we are, 5 years later and plenty of women for me later.
What have I learned? I've learned that the op may be jaded like 10 years ago but look at her today. All happy n chit thus why no complaint. This is the reason why I say to live for tomorrow because the future will be mighty.
I've read up on my own posting and that was me 5 years ago and I was hoping for a Hmong chick to send me back to my Viet chick but it hasn't happened yet. I need a stronger does of them corrupted Hmong women to really send me home. :2funny:
I've learned that rejection of any given race will shorten my populational pool of prospects and as I aged, I need more and not less of them females for me to prey upon.
Stupid Lily to bump up old threads. See you guys with an update about 5 more years and a Hmong wife n half breed kid from now. :D
Yes to what's in bold! O0 But anyway, Mr. Duma, just get yourself a Hmong wife already! You know you love us! :P
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This thread is really old and I'm wondering "where was my two cents?"
;D
Honestly, you all...ask any woman in a strong, healthy relationship and she'll tell you that the right guy doesn't put himself in a position to lose you.
If you're feeling anxious, doubtful, strained, yadda yadda yadda...then he just isn't that into you. Period.
Men are natural hunters and do the pursuing. When they want something, they go get it. Whether it's to get into your pants or lock you down as his wife, he will make sure you have no doubts.
If he starts to pull away after love bombing you, then a commitment will probably never happen.
It's easy to become jaded and scared to date again.
Which is why the one thing you can do is to love yourself first. Easier said than done. I'll be honest about that.
Love yourself first. See the value in yourself. If a person doesn't love you when you've given your best to them, then they don't deserve you anyway.
And always remember that they lost more than you did because they lost someone who truly loved them, while you dodged a bullet.