PebHmong Discussion Forum
Creative Corner => Online Journal => Topic started by: athao on October 23, 2011, 01:42:16 AM
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Ever had that feeling where you feel all alone even in a room full of people?
For some reason I always feel like I'm getting left out. Like the world is moving without me and I'm stuck alone all by myself. I would wonder, what am I doing here? where will I be tomorrow? how can I change the mistakes of yesterday to the right things of tomorrow?
It feels like I'm on a journey to look for people like me. To search for my group of people but who is this group of people, even i don't know. :-[
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I guess i would just start writing whatever I feel on here.
There's a secret I've kept from my family for 3 years now and I'm scared to let them know.
I'm scare of the disappointment that comes along with this careless decision that I made.
How do I go about fixing this? where do i begin? how should I end? where will this life lead me?
What is my purpose in this life? what am I destine to be? why does it always feel like I'm being locked in and caged?
I want to be free. I want to fly on my own. I want so many things bu fear is what keeping me locked in place.
Doubts and "what ifs" have kept me rooted here in this place.
My constant thinking of other's feelings have kept me from pursuing my dreams.
I need passion, I need hope, I need a light at the end of the tunnel.
Am I destine to be like this forever? is it wrong to want to break free. To leave and not come back. to live a life of my own? is it wrong to make mistakes.
how do I overcome myself? "You are your own weakness." so true.
where is my confidence? why fear are you keeping me from going? why doubts won't you just let me try?
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and I would start writing again.
I wonder where you are at.
I wonder when I'll be able to meet you whoever you are.
Where will my love story begin. When will it begin.
4 more year til I'm a quarter century old and love has not even found me yet.
are you out there, somewhere far away or are you right here near me and even I don't know.
Is it because I have a close shy heart?
will I be able to find you this new year? or will you not come until later?
where do I find a love like those romance stories? one that would protect me from the scary world out there. One that would accept me for who I am?
Will I be willing to fight for you?
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You aren't alone, though it may feel like it at times.
The thought of having someone to share special moments with is nice but don't stress out too much over it. You should thank your stars that you haven't met them yet. Some jump the gun when they are young and end up regretting it.
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I think it is a phase that most individual goes through. it's like an inner battle that we all go through within ourselves. I'm still trying to figure out who I am.
I feel like there's a whole new world out there for me to explore and touch but people and fear keeps on holding me back. I'm holding myself back and as I look back time is wasting. every year is going by faster and faster and I'm just growing older and older physically but my mind is still stuck in the same place.
I feel like once I voice my opinions, once I make my decisions, hell is going to break loose and a connection I have with my parents will be shattered forever. How do I go about doing this without breaking my parents heart? without disappointing them? but i have already disappointed them. the truth just hadn't come out yet and I don't know if i'll ever be able to tell them about my mistake.
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again here I am
where shall I start today?
My questions of yesterday still remains.
I got a fortune cookie today.
It says "accept what you cannot change, and you'll feel better."
lol the irony of it all...