PebHmong Discussion Forum

Creative Corner => Online Journal => Topic started by: lilly on July 13, 2016, 11:00:52 AM

Title: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on July 13, 2016, 11:00:52 AM
7-13-2016 11am: It's mid July.  I'm avoiding thinking about the inevitable.  September.  Because once September rolls around... it's back to school for the kids and the 9-month routine ensues.  I feel like summer is a breath of fresh air.  It's slow paced and I feel freer.  Something about the sun and the warmth and the green grass and leaves that makes me feel so much more alive and free.  I love summer.  I really love summer.  Summer is the best.  I love you, summer!
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on July 13, 2016, 11:14:27 AM
7-13-2016 11:14am:  I am almost 40.  Can't believe it!  Who would have thought that being almost 40 feels like this?  Aches and pains.  Curse the aches and the pains!  And the knowing that I can't turn back the clock and be 30 anymore, or be 20, or 10!  There is no going backwards just upwards.   :(

I saw an article a few days ago that the oldest woman alive died at 113 years old.  Can you believe that?  Can you imagine living to be 113?  Not many people live past 100!  I don't think I will live past 100.

I am grateful to be alive.  I love my kids!  I hope to be alive many more decades yet.  And I hope I live to become a great granny.  I smile at the thought of how my grand kids will look like someday.   :)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on January 18, 2017, 03:13:52 PM
Dear brother, remember that time long ago when we first arrived in America?  Remember how we felt?  Us in a foreign land with lights glowing everywhere and cheese burgers?  Remember how it would take many years before we could come to know the taste of cheese burgers?  I miss you so.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on December 14, 2018, 02:27:10 PM
Well, who would've thunk that I'd be where I am right now.  But here I am.  Life hasn't always been what I envisioned but I've realized numerous times over the last two years that I was always blessed.  Sometimes when we are going through hard times we feel like, "Why is this happening to me?  What did I do to deserve this?  Why is my life so crappy?" But, I realize now that my life is good compared to many other people, so, I shouldn't complain.  I could have had worse. 

I am grateful for being alive and for this life of mine.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: ProudLao on December 14, 2018, 03:27:17 PM
I totally understand. Having been through it myself I can assure you that everything is going to be okay. I used to questioned everything under the heaven but I’ve come to realized that I can only do so much.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on April 28, 2019, 12:45:53 PM
I feel like we had some of the best Hmong music from the 80's and 90's.

I had the fortunate opportunity to meet Tub Muaj Koob Lis in person in the early 90's and spent time with him when he was around my family during the making of one of his music videos.

I think the world of this man. His voice is like none other. It's so unique.  I also love that he was not only a great musician, he was also a great person.

Where ever you are now, Tub Muaj Koob Lis, I hope you are doing great!

I love this song by him.

"Hlub Tshaj Puas Tsav Yam":

https://youtu.be/rfv3Z0QFPas
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: DuMa on April 28, 2019, 01:27:24 PM
It is almost 3 years later like quat da fawk?

Great to see your determination though

Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on April 28, 2019, 02:02:14 PM
Everyone wants the person they love to love them back.  Many of us go through life never finding true love. And that is why I feel genuine happiness for the people that are fortunate to find their person, because everyone deserves to have "their person" by their side, to go through happiness and sadness together in this journey through life. 

It's been said that you don't need another person to be happy with yourself.  That's true.  But with the right partner by your side, I've noticed that a person can feel a certain boost... having a loving partner by you is like that shot of caffeine that gets you going in the morning.  Having the right partner by your side means you don't have to make the hard decisions alone.  For example, if you're single and looking for another house to buy so you can rent out your current home for extra income, but when you find a house you like, all the decisions (like, Is this house a worthwhile buy?) all falls on you.  It would be so helpful to have someone to hash things out with.  Maybe they can say to you when you're undecided, "Let's not buy a house right now, babe, because it's a sellers market and house prices are jacked up past their market value.  Let's wait to buy low." 

My point is that while a person can be independent and happy alone, it's better to have a team, to have someone there to be your second set of eyes.  As well, everyone benefits from having someone there to cheer them on through life.

Back to the topic about finding someone to love you back.  It really is strange, isn't it?  Because you could love someone but they also have to love you back. 

For many people in relationships, I feel it is more common where you see one person loving the other more.  How do you measure this?  You can measure it in that person's commitment and contributions to the other person and to the relationship.  However, it's not uncommon, but rare, that you find relationships where both partners love each other equally.

I think relationships where both partners love each other equally are so beautiful and dreamy!  Everyone deserves someone who loves them back equally.

Love is complicated and messy.  You can love someone so much, but you're at their mercy.  If they don't love you back... then you just have to suck it up and move on.  Unrequited love is painful, and it's sad that many people have to go through so much heartbreaks in order to find someone who loves them back the way they deserve.

A word of advice.  If you're still on a journey to find love or to find "your person", please don't rush things.  If you find someone that you love, I think it's natural to feel love for them but don't rush them to feel the same way for you.  Let destiny take its course.  And if it's meant to be, it will be.  After all, you deserve the best, someone who loves you back as much as you love them.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on April 28, 2019, 02:15:12 PM
It is almost 3 years later like quat da fawk?

Great to see your determination though

Hi, Duma!  I know!  It's been a long time.  Guess this is a sign that I'm still breathing.  Lol.  Hope you are well.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: DuMa on April 28, 2019, 04:28:20 PM
Hi, Duma!  I know!  It's been a long time.  Guess this is a sign that I'm still breathing.  Lol.  Hope you are well.

Keep writing cuz you write well with them deep and meaningful thoughts.  You do it so I can disagree with you and through debates, one can find some knowledge. 

I find it interesting that a master is also a failure to his own demise.  Like that famous dear Abby lady or perhaps that one other lady but anyways, she gave good advices for years but in her life, she and her husband is a failure. 

Like a priest not pastor cuz those guys are able to get marry but a priest is also a marriage counselor but how can he preach what he's preaching when he has no background into the marriage life?

So yeah, the struggles continuous
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on April 28, 2019, 04:38:48 PM
Keep writing cuz you write well with them deep and meaningful thoughts.  You do it so I can disagree with you and through debates, one can find some knowledge. 

I find it interesting that a master is also a failure to his own demise.  Like that famous dear Abby lady or perhaps that one other lady but anyways, she gave good advices for years but in her life, she and her husband is a failure. 

Like a priest not pastor cuz those guys are able to get marry but a priest is also a marriage counselor but how can he preach what he's preaching when he has no background into the marriage life?

So yeah, the struggles continuous

Thanks, Duma!  That means a lot to me!

Lol!  You are hilarious!  But yeah, most times it's Do what I say and not what I do.  Hahaha!  But if your wisdom helps others, then it's worth it, even though your own reality is sh*t.    ;D
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: DuMa on April 28, 2019, 04:46:48 PM
Thanks, Duma!  That means a lot to me!

Lol!  You are hilarious!  But yeah, most times it's Do what I say and not what I do.  Hahaha!  But if your wisdom helps others, then it's worth it, even though your own reality is sh*t.    ;D

I get bored at WK n will need something to do so post up your thoughts and we can conversate.  Getting tired of the usual dicck measuring bickering by these testosterone guys on pH as of late thus why I declined to participate but with you around, I might still around for the Lilly show.   I'm also transmitting my signals from my Fon so excuse me for any auto correct. 

Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on April 28, 2019, 05:23:30 PM
I get bored at WK n will need something to do so post up your thoughts and we can conversate.  Getting tired of the usual dicck measuring bickering by these testosterone guys on pH as of late thus why I declined to participate but with you around, I might still around for the Lilly show.   I'm also transmitting my signals from my Fon so excuse me for any auto correct.

 :2funny:  I also heard from others that lately there's been lots of back and forth of diick measuring and testosterone going on.  What?  Are we a bunch of 5-year-olds?  Trump's ego is enough.  What do you think, btw?  Is impeachment imminent any day now?  Or do you think we'll have another 2-6 years of this sh*the show?  But if love Trump, oops, my bad. 
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: DuMa on April 28, 2019, 05:43:12 PM
:2funny:  I also heard from others that lately there's been lots of back and forth of diick measuring and testosterone going on.  What?  Are we a bunch of 5-year-olds?  Trump's ego is enough.  What do you think, btw?  Is impeachment imminent any day now?  Or do you think we'll have another 2-6 years of this sh*the show?  But if love Trump, oops, my bad.

Rule #1, don't talk to me about politics cuz it hurts my head just trying to think of a way to say things without offending the opposition. 

With that in mind, doesn't matter who presidency it will be.  I will wake up tomorrow and I will still continue to do my things like I have already done them with the previous president.

Unless your job is sitting upon a governmental Grant and it based upon who presidency it is and with that, I say you in the wrong industry.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on April 28, 2019, 05:49:50 PM
Rule #1, don't talk to me about politics cuz it hurts my head just trying to think of a way to say things without offending the opposition. 

With that in mind, doesn't matter who presidency it will be.  I will wake up tomorrow and I will still continue to do my things like I have already done them with the previous president.

Unless your job is sitting upon a governmental Grant and it based upon who presidency it is and with that, I say you in the wrong industry.


Lmao!  I love it!   :2funny:  Yeah, politics hurt my head too.  At the end of the day, it's all bs anyway.  People will do what they do.  We just hope the world doesn't get blown up while we're sleeping.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: DuMa on April 28, 2019, 06:03:26 PM

Lmao!  I love it!   :2funny:  Yeah, politics hurt my head too.  At the end of the day, it's all bs anyway.  People will do what they do.  We just hope the world doesn't get blown up while we're sleeping.

You know you don't have to agree with the person to kick it. 

But I see what's up.  You trying to have something in common with me eh?  :2funny:

With politics, I had enough of it.  While I know that it is our rights and what not, I also know that because of politics, we are here in America.  Politics can divide.  I heard stories about Thanksgiving dinner with the family and people starting an argument about the left and right that it divides the family.  Now why would anyone wants to engage in American politics like a dayam cult?   Unless you a redneck cuz your forefathers have stakes in this land to protect then yeah but you have stories about Sanders lying or Muller jail time n trump collusion, I don't care cuz they all can go to hell and I still don't care. 

But it is news for others to follow like a big daily soap opera show.  Korean drama sounds more appealing to me than white house drama. 

Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: DuMa on April 28, 2019, 06:16:12 PM
Tell me something.  Are you typing on your Fon or computer? 

Just wanted to see what's the delay time over there on your side. 

I'm on my Fon so typing is rather slow for me so bare with me.

Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on April 28, 2019, 06:24:12 PM
You know you don't have to agree with the person to kick it. 

But I see what's up.  You trying to have something in common with me eh?  :2funny:

With politics, I had enough of it.  While I know that it is our rights and what not, I also know that because of politics, we are here in America.  Politics can divide.  I heard stories about Thanksgiving dinner with the family and people starting an argument about the left and right that it divides the family.  Now why would anyone wants to engage in American politics like a dayam cult?   Unless you a redneck cuz your forefathers have stakes in this land to protect then yeah but you have stories about Sanders lying or Muller jail time n trump collusion, I don't care cuz they all can go to hell and I still don't care. 

But it is news for others to follow like a big daily soap opera show.  Korean drama sounds more appealing to me than white house drama.

I'm not agreeing with you for the sake of agreeing with you.  It's cuz I feel the same way.  It really does hurt my head.  I follow what's going on and have opinions about things that are taking shape but too much of politics starts to deteriorate my peace of mind.  So, I'm not going to click on every piece of political news there is.

I'm typing on my phone and it's not been behaving very well so you'll see a delay.   Lol.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on April 28, 2019, 06:26:34 PM
I've got to get going, but it was very nice to chat with you again,  Duma!  Have fun at work, and have a great evening!
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: DuMa on April 28, 2019, 06:31:14 PM
Take care lily, we do again next time.  I'm not at WK lol.   I don't believe I work on Sunday unless I have to as a requirement to put food on the table. 

I best be going too.  Got lechon which is flip for roasted pig at my flip friend's house he's throwing a party.  Got to check in with my dad to see if he needs anything and later on tonight, off to the bay and prepping for the week's worth of work rolleyes. 
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: txojhmoo211 on April 29, 2019, 06:35:39 AM
Your thoughts and wishes are all that we all wish for.  Ib tug neeg ua xav muaj lub neej with love knows best when the heart is speaking.  It isn't fair for things to be one sided but just remember that it's a sign that your heart knows what it desires.  Some of us goes through life only thinking thias pem paub kev hlub zoo li cas.  You are a wise lady that has gone through it and knows your heart's expectations.  Don't ever apologize for loving someone, even if it means they can not love you back.  Your heart knows best.  Learn from one scar and move on. 

And it's good to know that your still alive Lily.   ::) Nyob zoo koj nawb. 
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on April 29, 2019, 12:02:44 PM
Your thoughts and wishes are all that we all wish for.  Ib tug neeg ua xav muaj lub neej with love knows best when the heart is speaking.  It isn't fair for things to be one sided but just remember that it's a sign that your heart knows what it desires.  Some of us goes through life only thinking thias pem paub kev hlub zoo li cas.  You are a wise lady that has gone through it and knows your heart's expectations.  Don't ever apologize for loving someone, even if it means they can not love you back.  Your heart knows best.  Learn from one scar and move on. 

And it's good to know that your still alive Lily.   ::) Nyob zoo koj nawb.

Puas yog?   :P  It's good to know that everyone wants the things that I described.  Thank you, Txojhmoo211, for your words.  They mean a lot to me.  If you don't have someone special already, I hope someday soon the woman of your dreams will land in your lap, because you deserve the best as well.  Sib ntsib dua, tus nus.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on May 15, 2019, 02:52:49 PM
I keep having this recurring dream of my dream house!  This dream house has a big open floor plan with hardwood flooring in the main areas of the house.  I just love the way this house flows!  Lots of good feng shui.  Anyway, I’ve had this same dream so many times before but each time that I have this dream about this particular house I find myself feeling dumbfounded to find that the back part of the house leads to this other bonus secret room.  I’m always feeling this sense of surprise mixed with immense happiness at having discovered this bonus room.  So weird!
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on May 16, 2019, 11:41:43 AM
I miss you every day, my brother.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i55lX8w5QzI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i55lX8w5QzI)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on May 17, 2019, 11:51:12 AM
I have the most bizarre dreams!  Last night was no exception.

First, let me just say that my sleep wasn't continuous and it wasn't as good as I wanted it to be.  Someone was on my mind.  I woke up several times because this person was running through my mind the whole night!  Darn this person!

Anyway, I dreamed that this person that was on my mind responded to my pebhmong posts and told me things... he told me that he felt the same way I did, that he cared, that he genuinely felt things for me... in the dream I felt his lovely thoughts.  We both accepted our mutual understanding that it was the end for us, wb txoj hmoo los kawg li ntawv.  I was happy to receive his messages, in my dream.

Then I went on to dream about this mixed black man... he was on crutches because one of his legs was amputated below the knee.  He was trying to go up a hill but was having difficulty so I decided to help him out.  Then we fell in love.  Hahaha!!!   ;D  So weird!  (This dream makes sense though because on my work break yesterday I went walking and I saw a black man in crutches because one of his legs was amputated below the knee!)

In the third dream, my daughter was in school and I needed to pick her up but for some reason I didn't have my car.  My favorite uncle was at my house visiting... this uncle loves me a lot and he spoils me... and he is rich!  He was up in MN visiting and since I didn't have my car I asked if I could take his car to pick up my daughter.  He threw me his car keys.  When I got outside I was flabbergasted and blown away to discover that my uncle had gotten himself a sweet BMW Z4 convertible:
(https://c4d709dd302a2586107d-f8305d22c3db1fdd6f8607b49e47a10c.ssl.cf1.rackcdn.com/thumbnails/stock-images/005ab95cdc0edacd9e70f7c69b0bed9e.png).

I was almost afraid to get inside and drive it because What if I crash it?!  My uncle would kill me!  But then I thought, Nahh, he wouldn't kill me... besides, I needed to pick up my daughter... and I'll be careful driving this beauty.  So I get in the car and OMG, the interior was just gorgeous!  It looked kinda like this:
(https://di-uploads-pod3.dealerinspire.com/bmwofwichita/uploads/2018/09/2019-BMW-Z4-digital-display.jpg)

It was such a sweet ride!  I had a lot of fun driving it.  Then I woke up!   ;D
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on May 23, 2019, 01:41:23 PM
Heart Floating At Sea
By Lilly

Oh, my lost and wispy heart,
What shambles you are in with your despair and broken heart,
You’re a lonely soul lost at sea,
Waiting to be set free,
To no longer be bound to the unforgiving and turbulent sea,
You long to feel love once more,
And be among the happy faces you see ashore.

Oh, sorrowful heart full of grief,
When will you ever find a tiny semblance of relief?
To be among the crowd once more,
And not be fearful by the beguiling smiles and charms of them
But to partake in full the frolic and excitement,
And live finally in an everlasting state of enchantment?

Oh, melancholic heart floating at sea,
I fear you will reside there forevermore.
Be still and be calm,
Despair no more and live on,
Tomorrow is a new day, a new dawn
For your heart to float at sea,
Don’t you know there is where you belong with me?


(This poem talks about how my heart is in a constant state of grief but I’m so numb to the pain now, it’s become a part of me…)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on May 23, 2019, 03:28:36 PM
I love ALL of Gregory Alan Isakov's songs but this one speaks to what I'm going through right now:

Gregory Alan Isakov - That Sea, the Gambler
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVrhFY4j0uc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVrhFY4j0uc)


Interpretation s for the song: https://songmeanings.com/songs/view/3530822107858762415/ (https://songmeanings.com/songs/view/3530822107858762415/)
   - I'm going with the 1st interpretation


That Sea, the Gambler
Gregory Alan Isakov

Cursed your captain and stow me below
Hold me amongst all your cards
Oh we were sea bound, and aimless at best
Clutching to the wheel and those charts
But that sea was just a gambler at heart

Oh there we were, the sun hit the starboard
And we were as free as we could be
We waited for land, oh we waited for thee
We aimed to stay calm and cool
But that sea was just a gambling fool

Come to me mary come, you know you once were queen
The ocean is holding all the kings
And tossed aside the weary

How i’d love to steer you straight into those waters
While those daunting clouds above began to pour
And when we’re found, we’ll kiss that ground
And roll around on that lovers floor

Come to me mary come, you know you once were queen
The ocean is holding all the kings
And tossed aside the weary

The ocean holding everything
And tossed aside the weary

Aw that dreadful, gambling sea
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on May 23, 2019, 06:55:50 PM
What a depressing day.

Here's to you, my brother.  I hope you are doing well where you are now.  I can't wait to see you again someday.  I love you and miss you so very much.

Gregory Alan Isakov - Big Black Car
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pak0LEhFyAY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pak0LEhFyAY)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on May 24, 2019, 10:40:12 AM
"In another life, I would be your girl
We keep all our promises, be us against the world
In another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away"
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on May 24, 2019, 04:43:31 PM
I was this all day today at my desk:
(https://media.giphy.com/media/SKTP1OHdVO7w4/giphy.gif)
(https://media.giphy.com/media/fseVAZfFYIB3E2xyYf/giphy.gif)

to this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOPMlIIg_38 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOPMlIIg_38)

And all my geeky co-workers (all guys) gave me weird looks:
(https://i.giphy.com/media/10sgSOaxULGjAs/giphy.webp) - G
(https://media.giphy.com/media/iMBzMFtdJIKCuikhyP/giphy.gif) - R (he has a thing for me)
(https://media.giphy.com/media/l0MYKL1o9yKYbA2Xu/giphy.gif) - C
(https://media.giphy.com/media/xT9DPq392UCymta4E0/giphy.gif) - M
Thank god Ch wasn’t here today.

I had the urge to do this to my co-workers:
(https://media.giphy.com/media/VdjkEtKKZunao/giphy.gif)

But I’m proud of myself for having self-restraint.   ;D

(Removed their names because.   :police: )
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on May 25, 2019, 03:14:30 PM
...
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on May 25, 2019, 03:45:29 PM
I love springtime in MN, but I especially love it that there is so much beauty to be found around my house this time of year.

My "lily of the valley" flowers are doing so well this year:
(http://i.imgur.com/plRrPrPm.jpg) (http://i.imgur.com/GeLbbEsm.jpg) (http://i.imgur.com/saQ0SBBm.jpg) (http://i.imgur.com/A8C1sxam.jpg)

A beautiful dandelion:
(http://i.imgur.com/cBYknLxm.jpg)

My bleeding hearts:
(https://i.imgur.com/fnrnaFvm.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/Lm3mQV1m.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/ykwDhGpm.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/6wyeZRBm.jpg)

Tulips:
(http://i.imgur.com/riERQWNm.jpg) - I planted this one many years ago in memory of my brother
(http://i.imgur.com/3aMROmtm.jpg) - this one also
(https://i.imgur.com/sew2ervm.jpg)

I find so much peace in this part of the garden:
(http://i.imgur.com/N5B7aBnm.jpg)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on May 25, 2019, 04:07:42 PM
My kiddos and I will be roasting marshmallows again tonight.

(https://i.imgur.com/AFDHQSem.jpg)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on May 25, 2019, 11:28:26 PM
So much on my mind.  For some reason I got to thinking about a particular person and all the frustration came rushing back again... I can't believe I wasted so much time.  But I was never one to give up easily on things, even though it was the most frustrating time of my life.  I tried so hard but it got nowhere; I had to walk away.  I don't have any regrets.

https://youtu.be/eVTXPUF4Oz4
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: txojhmoo211 on May 26, 2019, 01:47:04 AM
It's good to see strong women.   
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on May 26, 2019, 02:21:16 AM
You're a good sister, Lilly.

Thank you.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on May 26, 2019, 02:21:54 AM
It's good to see strong women.   

Thank you.   :)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on May 29, 2019, 06:07:55 PM
OMG, my heart is so sad.  My favorite cleaning lady just told me that tonight is her last night.  The cleaning company she's worked for for the last 14 years is closing and she's no longer going to be taking out our trashes at the end of business days.    I've seen her every night for the last 14 years!  My heart!  :'( :'( :'(
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 01, 2019, 11:15:40 PM
Never really over:
https://youtu.be/aEb5gNsmGJ8
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 04, 2019, 01:49:16 PM
To future husband: I want to remind you of how special you truly are.  I have dreamed about you for so long.  You've come into my dreams so many times through the years.  In my dreams, you showed me what it was like to be understood.  What it was like to have true love.  Thank you for finally going from my dreams into reality.  You have filled my heart and my life with so much love.  You have made me so happy--the happiest I have ever been with a man.  I don't remember ever being this happy with someone or loving someone this much.  You are my soulmate.  You are my love.  You were meant to be mine.  I want you to know that I love you, and I will always love you.  You have given me the gift of true love.  Thank you for showing me what love should be like.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for making what I've only experienced in dreams come true.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 04, 2019, 07:26:10 PM
Feeling these things:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFmZCbpZWB8 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFmZCbpZWB8)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stQ8RccoDhQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stQ8RccoDhQ)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: VillainousHero on June 05, 2019, 02:34:54 PM
I went to look around my yard today...All I see is bunch of creeping charlies flowering.

They just aren't aesthetically pleasing...so no pictures.

One of the orchid is beginning to flower,  this year it seems rather sparse for the orchids.  I do not know what the condition requiring for a huge orchid bloom is.  But I think that due to the late cold and rapid warm up, it wasn't the best of conditions.

I want to go pick some wild orchids and bring them home to plant... ;)  I wonder if the park ranger will stop me and fine me for removing wildlife habitat...

 
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 05, 2019, 05:25:20 PM
I went to look around my yard today...All I see is bunch of creeping charlies flowering.

They just aren't aesthetically pleasing...so no pictures.

One of the orchid is beginning to flower,  this year it seems rather sparse for the orchids.  I do not know what the condition requiring for a huge orchid bloom is.  But I think that due to the late cold and rapid warm up, it wasn't the best of conditions.

I want to go pick some wild orchids and bring them home to plant... ;)  I wonder if the park ranger will stop me and fine me for removing wildlife habitat...

I think you'll be fined for removing plants from State parks, not sure about regular parks.  Do you have pictures of your orchids?  Speaking of which, I've always thought lady slipper orchids were very cool looking.
(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/proxy/dznWH1H7Aiekmt_bdJUk_4eRJO9NM3RIvyu7QoPSDxb1TACMXVsLxA75YWB0EsSze_I06SyD_xoUxiTUePVAAq_LkPOaHrh3j8WUlQXqk40F=s0-d)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: VillainousHero on June 05, 2019, 05:27:23 PM
I may be a day or two more before it is full bloom.  I will see about snapping a photo.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 05, 2019, 05:28:40 PM
This one really looks like a slipper:
(https://sep.yimg.com/ay/yhst-61819287486445/showy-lady-slipper-seeds-3.gif)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 05, 2019, 05:31:52 PM
...
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: VillainousHero on June 06, 2019, 03:22:54 PM
As promised

(https://i.postimg.cc/ZKjKKDwG/Orchid.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)

There were only three other blooms so far...It's very sparse this year.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 10, 2019, 11:46:05 AM
Very nice flowers, VillainousHero!  Thanks for sharing the pic.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 10, 2019, 11:58:47 AM
It took me 20 years to finally say goodbye.  So many years!  I get a little angry at myself and sad when I think about all the time that I wasted that I can't get back.   :'(

I guess what I've learned in my past relationship is that... we each take our own time to process relationships, and we each decide when to end unhappy relationships at different times.  People tell me I should have ended my previous relationship sooner, but I wasn't ready to end it at those earlier times.  I ended it when I was ready to end it.  What I also learned is that you should trust your instincts about a person because your instincts are usually right.  When someone isn't good for you, you'll know it and you'll feel it earlier on... you should always trust your gut.  I just wish I hadn't wasted so many years.  I was such a hopeful person though, and I'm someone that never gives up on others easily.  It took so many years to realize that as hard as it is to let go, it is much better to let go of the people that do not bring you happiness and joy.  Life is much too short and going forward, I will not waste it on people that do not deserve me anymore.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 11, 2019, 06:53:28 PM
To CT:
I love you, more than you will ever understand.
I have so much love in my heart for you... it seeps everywhere for you! 
But I know that you and I, we can never be more than friends.   
You'll never be able to step into my embrace,
You'll never be able to hold my hands.

My darling, my love for you will live on, long after I am gone,
My love will linger on like love songs,
You'll hear my love in the songs of birds,
You'll see my love when you look at sunsets and sunrises,
You'll feel my love when you look upon a perfect blue sky,
The world may crumble and fall but, my darling, my love will never die.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 12, 2019, 01:58:15 PM
Although there's nothing you can do to get that time back, you can learn to make amends, learn from it, grow, and look forward to the future.  Each day that you breathe is another day, another chance to do something you wish you had done in the past.

I would recommend you write letters at this current time to your past self, and one to your future self.  Come back in a few years, reread and rewrite the letters and see a difference.

It's always easier said than done, and it's always easier to say something when you're on the outside looking in.  When you're on the inside, there's more to it.  There's feelings, there's history, there's a bond, there's a connection.  It takes time for different people to get over things.  For some, they move on the moment they leave the house.  The moment they find someone new, or the moment the tears stop flowing.  For other's it takes years and years.  For some it never truly goes away.  They say Time heals all wounds.  It really doesn't.  Time makes it easier for you to cope with the wound and live your life, but it doesn't heal. 

Don't lose hope. Don't let this person or persons cause you to lose hope.  Don't let their negative energy affect your way of life, don't let it become the poison.  Keep being you.  Keep being hopeful.  Keep giving chances.  Keep growing.  Don't let that person be in control your life. 

Take a deep breath.  enjoy your days.  Message me if you need to discuss this more personally. :)

Thank you so much for your encouraging, thoughtful, and caring words, Anonymouse.  I really appreciate it.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 12, 2019, 02:33:23 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/bF9BL1wl.jpg)

This picture explains my love life.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 12, 2019, 02:59:23 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_qlgFQs7E4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_qlgFQs7E4)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 12, 2019, 03:33:26 PM
More flowers have bloomed at my house.

(https://i.imgur.com/IV1F1xfl.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/tDgy5Pfl.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/bYUoXqXl.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/0jt7g3yl.jpg)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 12, 2019, 08:44:09 PM
I love you so much,
Everywhere I look you're all I see,
You're in the breeze, you're in the trees,
You're in my thoughts, you're in my memory.

Every waking hour I feel you next to me,
You warm my heart and give me joy,
Thoughts of you always bring me peace,
I wish you could see how my heart beats,
You're with me even in my sleep!
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 12, 2019, 09:52:26 PM
Why does my heart feel so bad?
https://youtu.be/o1Xsj9-3Pvo
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 12, 2019, 10:13:52 PM
Omg, I need to stop listening to depressing songs.  But when you're depressed all you want to listen to is depressing songs! 
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 12, 2019, 10:23:06 PM
.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 12, 2019, 10:25:51 PM
.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 12, 2019, 10:38:34 PM
.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 12, 2019, 11:13:29 PM
Eff!  I couldn't sleep so I finished watching "This Is Not what I Expected".
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 12, 2019, 11:15:36 PM
.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: VillainousHero on June 13, 2019, 01:08:40 AM
Omg, I need to stop listening to depressing songs.  But when you're depressed all you want to listen to is depressing songs! 

How do you let go of someone you love with all of your heart?  How do you stop loving your soulmate?  How do you stop thinking about this person when they are in every fiber of your being?  When every day for months you've lived and breathed this person for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, how do you then all of a sudden force yourself to act like this person no longer exists and force yourself to move on from this person?  How do you cut this person out of your heart and pretend they don't mean anything to you anymore?  How do you stop feeling things for this person?  Eff!  I have a migraine!  I have a headache.  My heart is bleeding.  This is too much for me.  I never want to love anyone this much ever again.  Leave me alone, stupid love.  I don't need you ever again, because you hurt me too much.

How do you let go.  How I know it all too well.  When you know, that they do more harm than good.  When you know that you've come to terms and accept that fact.  When you've given your all...not...an d then even more than your all and it was still on the path of destruction.  You should never forget.  It's that pain that you should never forget.  A lesson to learn and never be relived.  You cut chains that drag you down.  You break the chains that holds you down.  You make that conviction to not be sorry for yourself anymore.  All did you ever did was wanting to share your love.  Was it wrong?  Of course not.  What is wrong was you got used and abused.  You were taken for granted and never even been given a fair chance.  You got tricked and conned like a score to be consumed.  The love that you seek was wrong.  That is why you hurt. 

I know it all too well.  You've forgotten how to love yourself.  You've forgotten what you needed to keep your spirits uplifted.  You've forgotten how you used to be before.  You've forgotten how to live with your own strength.  It's all still there.  Trust me, it's still there.  I've had my fair share.  I've had to endure it all alone.  I've had to have fallen into despair and even beyond.  I had thought life was over and meaningless.  However I still had to desire to live.  I had to re-discover myself.  What was that sparkle of life within.  It was still there.  It was what I had forgotten to feed and fuel.  It happened in time, whilst I still had the urge.  I still knew I had the one treasure that I had not shared.  I truly haven't had shared my soul, my true love.  If that would've been the case...I wouldn't been put through this ordeal in the first place.

I know it all too well.  You only wanted to share.  Even your pain, your suffering, your misery.  Isn't that what your soul is crying for?  Stop searching for love.  You've already have it.  You've already had it.  You still have it.  Do you still want to share it?  Do you want someone to share it?  Do you know it?  Do you deserve something better?  Of course you do. Do you know it is you, only you have to love yourself first.  It's always been there.  The beauty that you see in someone else.  You have that same beauty within yourself.  You only need maybe someone to show you, it's there.

I know it all too well.  After the fight and the dust has settled down.  You find yourself alone and perhaps standing, staring, towering over your past hurt corpse.  The morbid facade of a life you so painfully took repeated stabs straight to the heart.  Enough is enough.  Too much is too much.  I give up.  I give in.  I gave out.  I gave it all.  I hurt enough, too much, hurt in and out, hurt all over.  All over.  That's all over.  Yes it was the hurt all over.  It's over.  It is because I hurt so much, that I knew I was still alive and still yearn to live.

I know it all too well.  To live for myself first, then for my children.  To love myself first, so that I can love my children.  So that I can show my love to my children.  So that I can be living proof that love is something that I share with, not look for.  I never needed to look for love in the first place.  I just needed to remember, that I had always had it.  I still have it.  My love.  My love to share.

I know it all too well.  Look inside yourself.  For that little spark.  Remember before.  Recall how it was.  How to feed and fuel that spark of life.  That little spark of life, that you only wanted to share.

Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 14, 2019, 12:01:39 PM
Then you need to avoid all hmong songs.  They are all depressing and sappy.

You learn to move on, in whatever way you do it.  You will. 

Yes, listening to sad and sappy songs will certainly not improve your mood when you're already feeling down.  Most times they exacerbate your sad feelings and prolong your downcast mood.  But they're also healing in a way too... those songs are kinda like your best friend when you're feeling heavy stuff... it's like they understand what you're going through and they're holding your hand through it even though they can't really help you out much.  :)


Everyone is searching for something they won't be able to find.  Can't find love if you don't know what you're looking for.

What is love? Is it a bird? Is it a rose?  Is it the air we breathe?  Is it an emotion?  Is it a man?  Is it a woman?  Love can be all of the above.  Love can be none of the above.

I think everyone knows what they are searching for.  Everyone has a yearning in their heart for what they want out of "romantic" love.  What is romantic love?  I think romantic love is a feeling.  It's a feeling of happiness you get from knowing that someone really cares about you and loves you and knowing that you feel the same exact way back towards that person.  That feeling gives you wings, it puts you in an elevated and blissful state of mind.  It's a high.  People do drugs to get a high because that feeling of feeling high is such a good feeling.  The high you get from being loved and loving someone, though, is much better than those other highs... because that feeling of loving someone and being loved does such good and beautiful stuff to not just your mind, but to your heart and your soul as well.  It's such a beautiful feeling and a great state of mind to be in.  When you don't have that feeling, you feel a certain void and emptiness... like something is missing from your life.  Of course a lot of people can be happy and content and exist solo, but for many, they want to feel that high or crave that high... because that high is like icing on the cake.  You don't need the icing, but sometimes the cake tastes so much better and more satisfying with icing on it.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 14, 2019, 12:15:54 PM
How do you let go.  How I know it all too well.  When you know, that they do more harm than good.  When you know that you've come to terms and accept that fact.  When you've given your all...not...an d then even more than your all and it was still on the path of destruction.  You should never forget.  It's that pain that you should never forget.  A lesson to learn and never be relived.  You cut chains that drag you down.  You break the chains that holds you down.  You make that conviction to not be sorry for yourself anymore.  All did you ever did was wanting to share your love.  Was it wrong?  Of course not.  What is wrong was you got used and abused.  You were taken for granted and never even been given a fair chance.  You got tricked and conned like a score to be consumed.  The love that you seek was wrong.  That is why you hurt. 

I know it all too well.  You've forgotten how to love yourself.  You've forgotten what you needed to keep your spirits uplifted.  You've forgotten how you used to be before.  You've forgotten how to live with your own strength.  It's all still there.  Trust me, it's still there.  I've had my fair share.  I've had to endure it all alone.  I've had to have fallen into despair and even beyond.  I had thought life was over and meaningless.  However I still had to desire to live.  I had to re-discover myself.  What was that sparkle of life within.  It was still there.  It was what I had forgotten to feed and fuel.  It happened in time, whilst I still had the urge.  I still knew I had the one treasure that I had not shared.  I truly haven't had shared my soul, my true love.  If that would've been the case...I wouldn't been put through this ordeal in the first place.

I know it all too well.  You only wanted to share.  Even your pain, your suffering, your misery.  Isn't that what your soul is crying for?  Stop searching for love.  You've already have it.  You've already had it.  You still have it.  Do you still want to share it?  Do you want someone to share it?  Do you know it?  Do you deserve something better?  Of course you do. Do you know it is you, only you have to love yourself first.  It's always been there.  The beauty that you see in someone else.  You have that same beauty within yourself.  You only need maybe someone to show you, it's there.

I know it all too well.  After the fight and the dust has settled down.  You find yourself alone and perhaps standing, staring, towering over your past hurt corpse.  The morbid facade of a life you so painfully took repeated stabs straight to the heart.  Enough is enough.  Too much is too much.  I give up.  I give in.  I gave out.  I gave it all.  I hurt enough, too much, hurt in and out, hurt all over.  All over.  That's all over.  Yes it was the hurt all over.  It's over.  It is because I hurt so much, that I knew I was still alive and still yearn to live.

I know it all too well.  To live for myself first, then for my children.  To love myself first, so that I can love my children.  So that I can show my love to my children.  So that I can be living proof that love is something that I share with, not look for.  I never needed to look for love in the first place.  I just needed to remember, that I had always had it.  I still have it.  My love.  My love to share.

I know it all too well.  Look inside yourself.  For that little spark.  Remember before.  Recall how it was.  How to feed and fuel that spark of life.  That little spark of life, that you only wanted to share.

Thank you for your words, VillainousHero .  It's helpful to know that we're not alone in our experiences.  I appreciate it.  Thank you for your insights on how to deal with these types of emotions and experiences.  And yes, we must remember to look within ourselves because our strength comes not from anyone else but from within.  We hold the power to how we will react in any given situation, we hold the power over our own lives and our emotions.  Be sad and cry, for we are human after all with feelings, but don't be sad and cry for long.  Be always optimistic, brush things off and pick yourself back up from off the ground and keep on trotting, baby!
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 14, 2019, 05:31:32 PM
I got a call earlier today from my home/auto insurance agent and it left me feeling so... happy and appreciated.  He sends a card every year but this year he decided to add to that and called me up to wish me a happy early birthday personally.  He's such a great guy. 

I think I've been very lucky with the people that I do business with.  Somehow they and I end up seeing past the business relationship and we come to a genuine appreciation for one another as people. 

But anyway, I guess the phone call today from my home/auto insurance agent reminded me that, often our experiences with other people are a two-way street.  Your experiences with other people are often determined by your own attitude and personality.  If you carry yourself with class, are a nice person, and talk to people in a respectful manner, most people will treat you the same way back.  I love being reminded that at the end of the day, I'm able to have human relationships with the people that I do business with.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 17, 2019, 10:30:38 AM
I remembered a recent conversation that made me think about this one person from my past whom I gave so much of my heart/time/energy, etc, to.  The question was posed asking 'Would I consider ever getting back together with this person?'  The answer is a resounding and mighty "no" because our relationship was so one-sided.  As much as I would have liked it to work out, you can't have a one-sided relationship with a selfish person.

This song by Adele captures the perturbed, bewildered, stupefied confusion I have over how this person can be so lacking in sense/thoughts/foresight/wisdom/etc and how he could just throw something so golden away without a second thought.  I just don't understand how someone can be like this guy.  It confounds and puzzles me to no end.  Even after all this time, I'm still mystified and baffled, and my only thought to describe this person is "wtf".  As much as I wish he could be a different person and as much as I wanted things to work out, the picture in my head of how I wanted things with this person just could not come to fruition no matter how much time had passed.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoypnQTesYg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoypnQTesYg)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 17, 2019, 11:06:02 AM
This song too https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj3nFNIV2jY. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj3nFNIV2jY.)

I dislike being asked if I would go back to him because... I already set fire to the rain, threw him and I into the flames, and watched it burn... don't need to think about him anymore.   >:(
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 19, 2019, 10:00:41 AM
I can dream about you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zozWb9Z145k (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zozWb9Z145k)
I want to dance with you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRUtST_dpRE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRUtST_dpRE)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 19, 2019, 10:09:03 AM


Love that movie. I liked the idea that you can feel so comfortable and at peace around someone that it helps you go to sleep in their presence.


Hope you've been feeling better. :)

Asharia, my friend, I'm glad you love that movie too!  Yes, I find it beautiful too when you can be so comfortable and at peace with another person, it enables you to sit in silence and not feel any kind of uncomfortable silence--because when your hearts and souls are so intertwined, no words are needed.  And it's so beautiful when you feel so safe and comfortable with each other you can fall asleep in each other's presence.

I'm feeling better.  Thank you.  :)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 19, 2019, 11:49:30 AM
You're "Simply The Best"  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqDZOekUDzE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqDZOekUDzE)

I call you when I need you, my heart's on fire
You come to me, come to me wild and wired
Oh, you come to me, give me everything I need

Give me a life time of promises and a world of dreams
Speak the language of love like you know what it means
Mm, and it can't be wrong, take my heart and make it strong, babe
You're simply the best, better than all the rest
Better than anyone, anyone I ever met
I'm stuck on your heart, I hang on every word you say
Tear us apart, baby, I would rather be dead

In your heart I see the start of every night and every day
In your eyes I get lost, I get washed away
Just as long here in your arms I could be in no better place
You're simply the best, better than all the rest
Better than anyone, anyone I ever met
I'm stuck on your heart, I hang on every word you say
Tear us apart, baby, I would rather be dead

Each time you leave me I start losing control
You're walking away with my heart and my soul
I can feel you even when I'm alone
Oh, baby, don't let go
You're the best, better than all the rest
Better than anyone, anyone I ever met
I'm stuck on your heart
I hang on every word you say
Tear us apart
Baby I would rather be dead
Oh you're the best
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: VillainousHero on June 19, 2019, 04:29:15 PM
Mcdreamy, you're "Simply The Best"  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqDZOekUDzE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqDZOekUDzE)

I call you when I need you, my heart's on fire
You come to me, come to me wild and wired
Oh, you come to me, give me everything I need

Give me a life time of promises and a world of dreams
Speak the language of love like you know what it means
Mm, and it can't be wrong, take my heart and make it strong, babe
You're simply the best, better than all the rest
Better than anyone, anyone I ever met
I'm stuck on your heart, I hang on every word you say
Tear us apart, baby, I would rather be dead

In your heart I see the start of every night and every day
In your eyes I get lost, I get washed away
Just as long here in your arms I could be in no better place
You're simply the best, better than all the rest
Better than anyone, anyone I ever met
I'm stuck on your heart, I hang on every word you say
Tear us apart, baby, I would rather be dead

Each time you leave me I start losing control
You're walking away with my heart and my soul
I can feel you even when I'm alone
Oh, baby, don't let go
You're the best, better than all the rest
Better than anyone, anyone I ever met
I'm stuck on your heart
I hang on every word you say
Tear us apart
Baby I would rather be dead
Oh you're the best

Ah my soul song before going into volleyball match... O0  That brings back memories...I mean triggered forgotten memories.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 24, 2019, 03:23:37 PM
Flowers make me so happy!  I love seeing these flowers bloom every year at my house.

(https://i.imgur.com/Tt8ePMql.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/FlxqScIl.jpg)  (https://i.imgur.com/AQNx9inl.jpg)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 27, 2019, 12:36:05 PM
Even though I had lots of distractions this morning (work and the picture thread to keep me busy), my mind was on you the entire time.  My heart was hurting the entire time.  It hurt for the loss of that which once was, that which had to be pushed deep down into the darkest corners of my heart where the sun won't be able to shine on it anymore.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 27, 2019, 07:41:39 PM
"When I Dream of You"
Tommy Page

Tears start falling when I dream of you
Can't help myself, you're far away
With someone else
And I will never find another girl boy
Who makes me feel the way you do
When I dream of you

And I've been seeing the same visions night after night
Till the morning light
As my soul starts to ache
My heart starts to break in two
When I dream of you

When I dream of you like dreamers do
I get this way all night and day
When I dream of you like dreamers do
I get this way when I dream of you

When I think of how you made me feel
At time when love was real
And you were mine
I start missing all the times we spent
The words we say, how I never dreamt
I'd get this way when I dream of you

I remember looking in your eyes
I loved that most, those were the times
Heaven never seemed so close
Tears start falling when I dream of you
Can't help but miss the love I knew
When I dream of you
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 27, 2019, 10:44:29 PM
I'm not awake, I'm not asleep.  I live in the in-between.  Somewhere between reality and dreams.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 27, 2019, 11:07:35 PM
Sh...t!   ;D  Someone told me to drink tonight, which is what I dI'd.  Omg, I'm feeling so good right now!  it's such a beautiful night here in Minnesota.  There is a cool breeze and the crickets are chirping!!!!  Can uou hear themm.  They are my feiends.  Hahhahaha!  Bwhahahah!  Have you ever tried writingts when you're drugnk?  I mean high?  Oh, my god!  Its the best feeling ever!  This breeze is the best!  Haha haha!  I'm laughing my asss off rihhte now.  Hey, person, thanks for telling me to drink tonight!  Great advice!  I lovven it.  No wonder people liking to drink.  Bwahahhaha!!!!  Omg... nonstop laughing.  Wthell.  Somebody come party with me toinght.  Hehehe.  We watch the moon N the stars toget thr.  Hehehe!  Bwhahahha!
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 27, 2019, 11:18:17 PM
My phon at 7%.  It's gonna die any minnow now.  Hheheh.  Hurry up and come hang out wI'd me.  It's a best night.  Oh ship 6% now. Goodbye.  Oh 5% now.  It problemly gonna die. Oh shit 4% now with a red exclamation mark!  Oh my god time to go sleep. Oh my 3v% no w. . Why??, battery die so fast shit 2 %
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: VillainousHero on June 28, 2019, 04:57:41 AM
Sh...t!   ;D  Someone told me to drink tonight, which is what I dI'd.  Omg, I'm feeling so good right now!  it's such a beautiful night here in Minnesota.  There is a cool breeze and the crickets are chirping!!!!  Can uou hear themm.  They are my feiends.  Hahhahaha!  Bwhahahah!  Have you ever tried writingts when you're drugnk?  I mean high?  Oh, my god!  Its the best feeling ever!  This breeze is the best!  Haha haha!  I'm laughing my asss off rihhte now.  Hey, person, thanks for telling me to drink tonight!  Great advice!  I lovven it.  No wonder people liking to drink.  Bwahahhaha!!!!  Omg... nonstop laughing.  Wthell.  Somebody come party with me toinght.  Hehehe.  We watch the moon N the stars toget thr.  Hehehe!  Bwhahahha!

Well...have you ever tried writing when you're about to fall asleep...the words and sentences that are garbled together that somehow made so much coherence becomes something I would claim I never wrote that...but I'm the only one on my pc...and sometimes...th e post message was just stopped in middle of limbo with no rhyme or reason for such a reply...guilty so many times of that...stupid time machine pillow that only goes forward.  I wonder if it sleep on it backwards maybe it will go backwards....L OL
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: tRouBLe on June 28, 2019, 07:49:24 AM
What the heck?!   :D  Girlfriend, where was my invite?    :P

Love the beautiful and colorful flowers in your yard.  I don’t have a green thumb so I’ll just buy mine.  ;D
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 28, 2019, 08:24:05 AM
I don't know who wrote those last two posts in my journal.  It wasn't me.   :2funny:
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 28, 2019, 11:50:28 AM
Well...have you ever tried writing when you're about to fall asleep...the words and sentences that are garbled together that somehow made so much coherence becomes something I would claim I never wrote that...but I'm the only one on my pc...and sometimes...th e post message was just stopped in middle of limbo with no rhyme or reason for such a reply...guilty so many times of that...stupid time machine pillow that only goes forward.  I wonder if it sleep on it backwards maybe it will go backwards....L OL

LOL!  I don't write anything when I'm about to fall asleep.  Only when I'm buzzin' off of beer apparently.  Hahaha.  Wait, did I just admit to writing those two posts?  Dang it!
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 28, 2019, 11:53:18 AM
What the heck?!   :D  Girlfriend, where was my invite?    :P

Love the beautiful and colorful flowers in your yard.  I don’t have a green thumb so I’ll just buy mine.  ;D

Girlfriend it was pretty late and I didn't want to wake you up to come drink with me.  I'll wake you up next time and bug you anyway whether you like it or not cuz last night only the crickets were my friends.   ;D ;D
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: Gucci K on June 28, 2019, 11:54:06 AM
"When I Dream of You"
Tommy Page

Tears start falling when I dream of you
Can't help myself, you're far away
With someone else
And I will never find another girl boy
Who makes me feel the way you do
When I dream of you

And I've been seeing the same visions night after night
Till the morning light
As my soul starts to ache
My heart starts to break in two
When I dream of you

When I dream of you like dreamers do
I get this way all night and day
When I dream of you like dreamers do
I get this way when I dream of you

When I think of how you made me feel
At time when love was real
And you were mine
I start missing all the times we spent
The words we say, how I never dreamt
I'd get this way when I dream of you

I remember looking in your eyes
I loved that most, those were the times
Heaven never seemed so close
Tears start falling when I dream of you
Can't help but miss the love I knew
When I dream of you
in case you would rather listen:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DH2StgTvP4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DH2StgTvP4)
this song goes without saying, it's one of the best songs to slow dance to! ha!
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 28, 2019, 11:57:27 AM
What the heck?!   :D  Girlfriend, where was my invite?    :P

Love the beautiful and colorful flowers in your yard.  I don’t have a green thumb so I’ll just buy mine.  ;D

Oh, you don't need a green thumb to make things grow, hon.  Just make a hole in the ground, put the seed or plant in, and water it.  Easy peasy.  I'm not growing anything this year since I'm moving but I plan to grow stuff next year.  I usually plant corn, chili peppers, tomatoes, onions, cilantro, green mustard, cucumber, green beans, and annual flowers.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 28, 2019, 12:01:04 PM
in case you would rather listen:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DH2StgTvP4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DH2StgTvP4)

Thanks!  :)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: tRouBLe on June 28, 2019, 02:58:45 PM
Girlfriend it was pretty late and I didn't want to wake you up to come drink with me.  I'll wake you up next time and bug you anyway whether you like it or not cuz last night only the crickets were my friends.   ;D ;D

At least you weren’t alone and you had them crickets.   ;D

Oh, you don't need a green thumb to make things grow, hon.  Just make a hole in the ground, put the seed or plant in, and water it.  Easy peasy.  I'm not growing anything this year since I'm moving but I plan to grow stuff next year.  I usually plant corn, chili peppers, tomatoes, onions, cilantro, green mustard, cucumber, green beans, and annual flowers.

It’s the watering part that I’m not too fond of.......nor will remember.   :2funny:

I can’t wait to see your place.....and come steal things from your gardens.   :D  :P
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 28, 2019, 04:18:41 PM
The Rose https://youtu.be/zxSTzSEiZ2c

Some say, "Love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed"
Some say, "Love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed"

Some say, "Love, it is a a hunger
An endless aching need"
I say, "Love, it is a flower
And you it's only seed"

It's the heart that fears breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance

It's the one, who won't be taken
Who can not seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Life's the seed, that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on June 28, 2019, 04:20:58 PM
At least you weren’t alone and you had them crickets.   ;D

It’s the watering part that I’m not too fond of.......nor will remember.   :2funny:

I can’t wait to see your place.....and come steal things from your gardens.   :D  :P

Come steal as much as you want.  Especially when I plant vegetables.  I won't be able to eat it all.   :-*
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on July 01, 2019, 11:21:38 AM
"Nothing heals the past like time."
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on July 02, 2019, 10:57:20 PM
Ntshe yuav nco mus tag ib sim. https://youtu.be/yOSNYbFQ6GE

Kuv tus mi noog.  https://youtu.be/FrDR9yKoj34
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on July 02, 2019, 11:56:18 PM
  ...
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on July 03, 2019, 12:11:59 AM
...
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: txojhmoo211 on July 09, 2019, 08:23:53 AM
Who edits 3 dots?
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on July 10, 2019, 05:40:17 PM
Who edits 3 dots?

Who edits with 3 dots?  Yours truly.   :)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on July 10, 2019, 06:19:47 PM
There'll Never Be Another "YOU" -- Michael Damian https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUO4dqvdkIo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUO4dqvdkIo)

I don't like the song itself but I like the lyrics.
-----------

I got my friends
They're always there
And someone special that I know who really cares
But late some nights
A voice cries through
Reminding me there'll never be another "YOU"

I think of you from time to time...
Sometimes I wonder if I ever cross your mind
But looking back is hard to do
Cause it reminds me there won't be another you

If I could hold you again for one night
It would make my whole world come alive again

I will survive and carry on
Once in awhile I hear an old familiar song
It takes me back and makes me blue
Reminding me there'll never be another you
Yes, I know there'll never be another "YOU"
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on July 22, 2019, 01:23:26 AM
https://youtu.be/yC0Izm9VVgQ
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on July 22, 2019, 01:47:27 AM
...
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on July 22, 2019, 02:09:21 AM
...
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on July 22, 2019, 03:10:02 AM
 
Tonight so many friggin thoughts are racing through my mind. What a weird night.

- I am remembering of the time when I was in Osseo.  That was one of the happiest times of my life because when I think of happiness, memories of that time of my life seem to pop up.
- I miss my god mom and my god dad so much.  I recently had a dream about my god mom and it made me miss her so much!  😢
- I miss those nights when the moon was high on warm summer nights.  Crickets chirping, love songs on the radio.  No cell or internet, and reading and writing were my ways of passing the time when I wasn't on the phone with my friends.
- I miss that bathroom that was my own.  I miss it so much.
- I miss my room.  I had a few friends come sleep over.  It was so fun.  I remember it so vividly!
- I remember the smell of the house in Osseo.
- I miss the cabin and sitting by the fire, watching the flames flicker and the wood chips pop as they burned, and listening to frogs croak and crickets chirp.
- I remember the look and smell of that studio apartment in Minneapolis.  It was so long ago!  😭
- I remember that 2 bedroom apartment in Minneapolis also, and how that friggin cat cried like a baby all night and scared the sh*t out of me!
- I remember that time we took the bus to downtown Minneapolis and I fell asleep on my SIL's lap.
- I remember our journey from Laos to Thailand, and how it was being in the jungle.
- I remember that feeling of being in love that 1st time, that 2nd time, that 3rd time.
- I remember the two guys who loved me, who proposed to me but I wasn't ready to accept.  I remember their love and feel happy to know that they loved me so much to propose marriage.  I feel bad that I couldn't accept their proposals.  I sometimes think about the what ifs with them.
 - I remember the other guy that cared a lot about me (he was so gentle and caring towards me) but I couldn't love him back the way he deserved because I was still hung up on the 1st guy that proposed.  When I was ready and realized I was in love with him, on that same day when I was about to tell him how I felt about him,  he wrote me a breakup letter.  I don't know why I didn't fight for him. I read his letter and just accepted it.  :(
- I remember the time from April-June of this year where I fell in love with a wonderful man.  I had not been that happy in a long time.  I had not loved someone that much in a long time or ever.  He was straight out of my dreams.  He was everything I ever dreamed of.  Sadly, the stars were not aligned.
I miss him and the love that we had.  I remember how he filled my days with sunshine every day and made my heart feel so full; life was great with him in it. It had been so long where I had been alone for a long time and then he, my twin soul, appeared in my life out of nowhere and made me feel so loved, so protected, so safe. It was one of the best times of my life.  For the first time in 20 years he made me feel alive again.  I felt so giddy and so beautiful. My friends saw the happy changes in me, they saw the long-last smile return to my face every day for months. They told me how beautiful I had become because I looked so happy.  I was happy. 
I know that what we had was real.  The love we felt was mutual.  It wasn't easy to say goodbye to what we had.  But I know that in the end it's for the best.  At times I wish I had never met him because I think I would rather never have met him than to have met him to only find out wb txoj hmoo tsis txog.  But I don't regret having met him.  He was one of the greatest things to happen to me. I am so grateful that he allowed me to feel love again.  I didn't think I could love again until him. He gave me hope that love was possible again.  For loving me, for allowing my heart to open up to love again, I thank him very much from the bottom of my heart.
- I realize that so far, I've lived a colorful and interesting life.  It's been painful but there were as many good memories as there were bad.  But it's the good and fond memories that fill my heart with happiness and bring a smile to my face.

Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on July 30, 2019, 12:16:15 PM
Before I forget, I had the weirdest dream.  I dreamed that there was this home decorator who came and made me an expensive round box that costed $1000.00.  I didn't even ask for the box and thought it was ugly and weird.  It was made out of black rubber where miscellaneous guns and other metal parts were glued on.  The top was uneven as it had guns and various metal parts glued all over.  I thought of telling the lady that I didn't ask for it and didn't want it but at the same time it was a unique piece so I decided to keep it.  Weird dream.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on August 29, 2019, 05:53:37 PM
Zaj nkauj no ua rau kuv nco kuv txiv heev.  The music from the erhu (nkauj nog ncas) reminds me of life in Laos with him...   :'(  :'(    Txiv Lub Xim Xaus - Maa Vue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=210CEb7It2w (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=210CEb7It2w)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on August 29, 2019, 07:23:16 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l401mf_cLwU (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l401mf_cLwU)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9XzuU9gup4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9XzuU9gup4)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6dWQLhTkQM&feature=youtu.be (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6dWQLhTkQM&feature=youtu.be)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on October 21, 2019, 03:10:01 PM
Life right now is crazy and I haven't been able to accomplish the things I wanted to accomplish yet.  I hate how we have an image in our heads of how we want things to turn out but sometimes it takes a long time for the things we want to become a reality.  I've been a bit sad that it's taken me so long to finish the things that I want to get done.  There is only one of me.  But I know that there are better days ahead.  Nothing good ever comes without hard work.  I just miss doing things with my kiddos so much.  House projects have taken up all of my time and, so, I haven't had the time or energy to do a lot of things with them.  I hope that that can change very, very soon.  They are growing up so fast!  I hate how fast they are growing!  My baby boy got so much taller over the summer!   :'(  I still want him to be little.   :'( :'(   I want nothing but to see smiles on my babies' faces.  I want nothing but to hear their laughs.  I hope that after this whole ordeal, things will be a lot better for us.
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on November 05, 2019, 10:23:40 AM
I'm a cardi b fan.  She exudes this power that's hard to explain.  She's super confident in herself and has this 'don't care what people think' attitude. She's true to herself and uninhibited.  She's so unique in her sound and style.  Her performance here is excellent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G-ULhfBLjM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G-ULhfBLjM)

I also like Hwasa because she displays a sassy confidence.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScSn235gQx0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScSn235gQx0)   Btw, I only found out about her through this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6M9wM6hD8Q (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6M9wM6hD8Q)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on November 06, 2019, 05:45:12 PM
Every time this song comes on the radio I have the biggest smile on my face because it's my son's favorite song.  I love love love the way he sings this song.  He sings it without music at random times and along with the song when we hear it on the radio.  Imagine Dragons - Believer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhP3J0j9JmY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhP3J0j9JmY)

Another song that brings a smile to my face every time I hear it is this song because my son loves it: Godzilla: King of the Monsters Song | Long Live The King: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgtoHhkVEjA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgtoHhkVEjA)

Whenever I hear Billie Eilish songs I think of my daughter because she's the biggest Billie Eilish fan.  It makes sense that my daughter would like Billie Eilish--because her personality and voice are similar to Billie Eilish's musical personality and voice.  I tell her that she's emo but she says she's not.  OK.   Billie Eilish - bad guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyDfgMOUjCI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyDfgMOUjCI)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on November 06, 2019, 06:13:46 PM
I don’t think these guys are capable of making bad songs, or, maybe it’s because I love their voices so much:
Jake Owen - Beachin': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwgCBRj3dn4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwgCBRj3dn4)
Khalid – Better: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3bfa3DZ8JM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3bfa3DZ8JM)
Khalid - Young Dumb & Broke: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgjG53gnfFc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgjG53gnfFc)
Imagine Dragons – Thunder: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKopy74weus (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKopy74weus)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on November 06, 2019, 06:17:17 PM
Music is life!  I don't think I can live without music.  In my next life, let me know how to play the guitar.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5DB51awn2U (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5DB51awn2U)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbUhLfetgMg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbUhLfetgMg)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTvy_vPG85w (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTvy_vPG85w)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UZF3bGoZpM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UZF3bGoZpM)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on November 06, 2019, 06:21:45 PM
No words, just. so. beautiful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOMipc60JvA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOMipc60JvA)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on November 07, 2019, 11:34:02 AM
I love western, blues, and Spanish romantic flamenco guitar instrumentals. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3EpPROnl6w (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3EpPROnl6w)
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on November 08, 2019, 03:26:34 PM
<begin rant>  I almost forgot what day today is.  Been so busy with work and house stuff I haven't been able to pay much attention to anything else.  The last few months have totally sucked.  Actually the last 5 years have totally sucked.  Actually the last 10 years have totally sucked.  Actually, my whole life has totally sucked.  But surprisingly, I keep on going.  Like the energizer bunny, I don't stop.  I don't get it.  Sometimes I'm surprised at myself.  How have I kept it up?  How have I not been a complete mess yet?  I don't know.  I guess the addage "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" applies to me?, but I can swear that God has given me so much more than I can handle and he doesn't seem be slowing down in the "throw all the shIt on lilly!" department either.  Ay caramba!  But I do it all with a happy face too.  I don't know why I don't just break down and just say eff it already.  The same thing with work.  I get piled on with all this work that nobody wants to do.  Well, I don't want to do them either!  But I'm stuck doing them because everyone else is an incompetent a$s.  I keep wondering when I'll catch a break but I feel like at this rate, the answer is never.  A few days ago I dreamed I was in a public bathroom where there were no doors for the stalls.  I wonder if I should have bought lotto tickets after that dream?  But oh well, the chances of me winning the lotto is -1000, anyway.  ::) Such is life.  Life sucks.  On the bright side, I'm alive.  Yay?  </rant>
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: azn-guy on November 08, 2019, 04:04:52 PM
Lily was a little girl
Afraid of the big, wide world
She grew up within her castle walls
Now and then she tried to run
And then on the night with the setting sun
She went in the woods away
So afraid, all alone...
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on November 08, 2019, 04:18:32 PM
...I've been having this thought: I know that I am getting older but I wish I could still be young.  I wish I was still in my early 20's and I could just go with the flow, go to parties, enjoy life, and dance like nobody's watching.  I feel like my brain is trying to pull me from this old body into a 20-something-year-old gal's life.  So sad.   :'(  I'll never be young like that again where every day is an adventure and life is a joy ride.  Even though I still want to be young, responsibiliti es and back pain are constant reminders that the clock moves forward only.  These episodes of wanting to be a young gal again are annoying because they only serve to remind me of my age and of the things that I can no longer do.  :'(
Title: Re: Lilly's Journal
Post by: lilly on November 08, 2019, 04:22:21 PM
Lily was a little girl
Afraid of the big, wide world
She grew up within her castle walls
Now and then she tried to run
And then on the night with the setting sun
She went in the woods away
So afraid, all alone...

I love it.  Thank you, azn-guy.   :)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on November 12, 2019, 10:18:32 AM
The other day I thought about my mortality and it kind of scared me a little.  I wonder how people see me now that I am my age.  I don't feel any different but I wonder if people see me as "old".  Do I look old?  When I was younger I saw people that were my age as being old and now that I am here, I don't feel old but I must look old to other people.  It's so scary to think that in just 20 years I'll be 20 years older.  I'll be in that age category!  I want to just live a simple but happy life.  Why is that so hard to obtain?  I don't know anymore.  Happiness seems to never be within my grasp!  I try and try so hard to reach for it but it eludes me and I'm left with... not happiness (not the kind that lasts for long periods of times).  I cannot wait for everything to fall into place because this place that I am at right now... it's just not a good place to be in.  I cannot wait to finish these 4 annoying RFP projects at work.  I want things the way they were 13 years ago with my old boss.  I just don't find joy at this workplace anymore.  But I am also not in a place right now to transition to a different job either.  OMG, some wizard... just do your magic wand stuff and transport my life to a different plane.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on November 21, 2019, 11:43:07 AM
I had the weirdest dream last night.  I dreamt that there was this department store that was for sale and I bought it and moved into it.  I set up my bed at the back middle part of the store.  The shelvings and aisles were still in place, with merchandise still on the shelves.  I was busy setting up the store to be a home but at the end of the dream a thought popped into my head and I wondered to myself "Is this even legal?  This place is a commercial building. I don't know if my family and I can live here."  So weird.

Dreams are still as perplexing as ever to me.  How we're able to see an alternate reality in our dreams is crazy.  How we're able to feel such real feelings and see things as though they really exist inside of our dreams, is crazy.  There are just really no words to describe how amazing our brains and imaginations are.  How are we able to imagine and dream about things that we have never ever seen before or things that aren't even real in the waking life?  For example, all the strangers in our dreams, how do our minds create these strangers if we have never seen them before?  It's fascinating how our brains work.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on November 21, 2019, 01:24:05 PM
I wonder how often people get annoyed by the different circumstances they find themselves in.  I wonder if I am the only one where my mood never stays the same.  Every so often my mood and feelings change.  Take for example, I'm working on my work and I have a specific goal to achieve (e.g. to get a report done).  My mind is focused only on achieving my goal and getting the report done; I'm not really feeling any sort of way except getting this task done.  After the report is done and I send it off to whomever requests it, they come back with additional changes they want on the report.  I make the requested changes.  Then they come back a second time and want even more stuff on the report.  I’m now feeling a bit annoyed because why couldn't they have requested for all the things they wanted in the beginning?  My neutral mood has now shifted to slight annoyance.  I complete all of the requested changes on the report and send it off and the person approves and thanks me.  This makes me feel relieved and happy—I can now move on to do other things.  It is now time for my break.  I take a break from work and go read a newspaper.  One of the articles I read is about a tragic story about a young kid.  My heart is broken and I now feel depressed thinking about how cruel and unfair life is, thinking about how little kids don't deserve to experience or see bad things at such young ages.  It takes awhile to get my mind off of the story and to neutralize my feelings again.  I try hard to not feel depressed because I need to return to work.  While in work mode I’m still feeling sad but then all of a sudden something urgent comes up at work that forces me to stop feeling sad/depressed.  The work crisis forces me to go into action to find a resolution.  And so on and so forth, the changes in moods and feelings go on a roller coaster ride throughout the day; rinse, repeat every day.  I wonder if other people are as aware of the changes in their moods and feelings as I am?  I’m guessing the answer is yes.  With that said, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be another person for a day—to live their life and to feel what they feel for a day.  I think that would be really interesting!
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on November 21, 2019, 04:29:09 PM
I wish I had the powers to cure and change people.  I’d make: the sick better (mental illness and body illness), manipulative and evil people nice and not manipulative, hateful people loving, unfair people fair, jealous people not jealous, lazy people not lazy, wealthy people generous, greedy people understand that having excess comes at a price for them and others, power trip people humble, racist people humanitarians, victims receive healing and justice, offenders receive punishments/take responsibility/understand their wrongdoings/feel remorse/stop offending, liars into truth tellers, hungry people feel full.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on November 21, 2019, 05:02:12 PM
At the end of the day, the majority of the things that is wrong with the world is from human's doing (the other culprit is natural disasters).  What makes a human do what he/she does?  I think it starts in his/her brain. His/her brain creates his/her feelings and perceptions about things.  His/her feelings and perceptions make him/her do things.  Sometimes a person does things involuntary and on impulse (disease-induced).  However, the majority of the time a person makes a conscious "choice" to do things.  What can we do to a person's brain then, to make him/her make the "right" choice every time?  Education?  Exposure to different things and ideas so that he/she is not making decisions from a limited view or through a small lens?  Teach him/her the consequences of his/her actions? What else?
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on November 22, 2019, 09:59:38 PM
What have I learned from the impeachment hearings?  I learned that the Republicans will act deaf and blind to the facts presented in front of them (not surprising).  I think the House will likely move to impeach but the Senate will not convict Trump.  Republicans need to see a smoking gun before they will even begin to chastise Trump.  Such selfish cowards!

The witnesses testified compellingly and anyone in their right mind knows that quid pro quo took place.  The transcript of Trump's phone call with Ukrainian President Zelensky provides enough proof of quid pro quo.  Yet, Republicans choose not to acknowledge the evidence and testimonies; instead of getting at the truth, they distract and attack the witnesses.  It was sickening to watch.  Even so, I kept an open mind to hear the Republican members of congress speak and say their peace.  But in the end, each of them made clear that they will put "party over country" for as long as they can.

I kept an open mind when listening to the Democratic members of congress speak also.  I looked for biases in their speeches.  I admit that I heard some subtle hints of partisan feelings by some Democratic members in their addresses but, overall, their hearts were in the right place.  They were doing their duty to protect the Constitution and America democracy. 

It was clear that Trump withheld aid and support to Ukraine and would only release the aid money and hold a face-to-face meeting with President Zelensky (as a show of support to Ukraine) on the condition that President Zelensky open an investigation into Trump's political rival, Joe Biden (and Joe's son Hunter Biden).  The phone call transcript and the hearings clearly demonstrated that quid pro quo took place even though it didn't play out all the way.  Just because Trump decided to release the aid money doesn't mean that quid pro quo didn't happen--he only released the money because he got caught in the middle of his scheme. 

Anyway, I have so much respect for Adam Schiff.  His closing statement on the final day of the hearings was powerful.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 13, 2019, 12:27:18 AM
I went on my second date with him tonight.  It was great.  He is great.  He proposed that we get married. I like him a lot but marriage?  I dunno about that.

I didn't dress up or anything but he said I looked beautiful and loves me the way I am.  He's so sweet.

Here was me tonight:
(http://imgur.com/a/69FtrQ3)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 13, 2019, 12:32:49 AM
https://i.imgur.com/Y4X20xnl.jpg
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 13, 2019, 12:43:54 AM
He wants to do many things with me. He loves to fish and wants to take me fishing with him.  We've only known each other a short time but it's so nice that we feel comfortable with each other, to talk openly about what we each are thinking. I love that he is so open minded and is a great communicator.  He keeps saying that he is smitten with me but I'm afraid that I'm smitten with him too.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: txojhmoo211 on December 13, 2019, 07:30:07 AM
He wants to do many things with me. He loves to fish and wants to take me fishing with him.  We've only known each other a short time but it's so nice that we feel comfortable with each other, to talk openly about what we each are thinking. I love that he is so open minded and is a great communicator.  He keeps saying that he is smitten with me but I'm afraid that I'm smitten with him too.

Nrog koj zoo siab.  It sounds like it's meant to be.  Don't wait too long, time is not our friend nawb.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: Mr_Mechanic on December 13, 2019, 09:05:40 AM
it's good when two people come together to share a common purpose.  GL.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: ProudLao on December 13, 2019, 09:08:26 AM
I went on my second date with him tonight.  It was great.  He is great.  He proposed that we get married. I like him a lot but marriage?  I dunno about that.

I didn't dress up or anything but he said I looked beautiful and loves me the way I am.  He's so sweet.

Here was me tonight:
(http://imgur.com/a/69FtrQ3)

Second date and already talking marriage? Hmmm lol
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 13, 2019, 09:12:58 AM
Nrog koj zoo siab.  It sounds like it's meant to be.  Don't wait too long, time is not our friend nawb.

Thank you, Txojhmoo211.  I didn't think I could possible like anyone else after Mcdreamy.  My heart is still sad that it didn't work out for Mcdreamy and I.  But this guy is such an amazing person and I just couldn't help not liking him back.

He says he already wants to marry me and has set a timeline for when we should get married if things continue to progress well.  But I don't think I want to get married again so I don't know...  PM me your thoughts.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 13, 2019, 09:15:57 AM
it's good when two people come together to share a common purpose.  GL.

Yes.  It's hard to find someone who you have chemistry with who has a lot of the qualities you're looking for in a person.  He's a nice guy.  Anyway, thank you.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 13, 2019, 09:19:30 AM
Second date and already talking marriage? Hmmm lol

I know, right?  LOL!  Marriage talk is way too soon and too fast but he says he knows what he wants and doesn't need to wait to know.  Hahaha.  Me, I don't know.  I don't think marriage is for me.  And it will take time for me to be sure about a relationship.  But so far, things are going good--we have a lot of common goals and desires.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: tRouBLe on December 13, 2019, 01:04:47 PM
Second date and already talking marriage? Hmmm lol
I know, right?  LOL!  Marriage talk is way too soon and too fast but he says he knows what he wants and doesn't need to wait to know.  Hahaha.  Me, I don't know.  I don't think marriage is for me.  And it will take time for me to be sure about a relationship.  But so far, things are going good--we have a lot of common goals and desires.

For some, they already know and they don’t need much time.  I may not be one of those but I certainly know people who are.   ;D
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: ProudLao on December 16, 2019, 12:49:36 PM
I know, right?  LOL!  Marriage talk is way too soon and too fast but he says he knows what he wants and doesn't need to wait to know.  Hahaha.  Me, I don't know.  I don't think marriage is for me.  And it will take time for me to be sure about a relationship.  But so far, things are going good--we have a lot of common goals and desires.

I would like to meet this magical fisherman of yours lol
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 17, 2019, 02:38:36 PM
I would like to meet this magical fisherman of yours lol

Maybe someday soon.  lol :D
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: ProudLao on December 17, 2019, 05:05:12 PM
Looking forward to it.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 19, 2019, 04:20:46 PM
Looking forward to it.

 O0
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: DuMa on December 19, 2019, 06:53:19 PM
First off congrats

but last but not least, be careful...

Id question his intentions cuz speeding up a person is a marketing trick into building value so you can buy it now because if you do not, prices will go back up.  Then the next holiday comes around and the price falls back down again. 

If he's rushing you, he wants something from you.  You got what he needs and buying on impulses has buyer's remorse not too far away. 

I'm not marrying you so yeah, at least I can help you in some form way shape or round.   :2funny:
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 01, 2020, 08:52:27 PM
This song explains how I feel for someone.

Luke Evans's performance of this song is simply bewitching and sublime:
https://youtu.be/5fE4_8b0490

"The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face"
Roberta Flack

The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the endless skies

The first time ever I kissed your mouth
I felt the earth move in my hand
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command my love

And the first time ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy would fill the earth
And last till the end of time my love

The first time ever I saw your face
Your face, your face
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: tRouBLe on January 03, 2020, 10:59:04 AM
I would like to meet this magical fisherman of yours lol
Maybe someday soon.  lol :D

I’m late but I call first dibs, before that Lao dude.   ;D
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 06, 2020, 06:36:12 PM
I’m late but I call first dibs, before that Lao dude.   ;D

 ;D ;D
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 21, 2020, 10:32:42 AM
"To Love Somebody" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sH4YBFaZDuI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sH4YBFaZDuI))
"PillowTalk" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YO-XGWSvZB0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YO-XGWSvZB0))
"Dusk Till Dawn" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUb7kmy30Ok (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUb7kmy30Ok))
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 21, 2020, 10:34:58 AM
"Breathless" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDHqPdybUOA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDHqPdybUOA)).
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: ProudLao on January 21, 2020, 12:48:08 PM
Is someone in love? Lol
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 21, 2020, 03:45:29 PM
Is someone in love? Lol

Maybe.  Maybe not.   :P  :D
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 24, 2020, 09:30:51 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKNxeF4KMsY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKNxeF4KMsY)

Coldplay – Yellow

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow,

I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn
Oh what a thing to have done
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
You know you know I love you so
You know I love you so

I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh what a thing to do
Cause you were all yellow

I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
You know for you I'd bleed myself dry
For you I'd bleed myself dry

It's true look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for...
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine

Look at the stars look how they shine for you
And all the things that you do
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 24, 2020, 10:39:43 AM
.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 24, 2020, 01:14:22 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oF8efZmoGZE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oF8efZmoGZE)

Shower
Becky G
I don't know, it's just something about ya
Got me feeling like I can't be without ya
Anytime someone mention your name
I be feeling as if I'm around ya
Ain't no words to describe you baby
All I know is that you take me high
Can you tell that you drive me crazy?
'Cause I can't get you out my mind
Thinkin' of ya when I'm goin' to bed
When I wake up think of ya again
You are my homie, lover and friend
Exactly why
You light me up inside
Like the 4th of July
Whenever your around
I always seem to smile
And people ask me how
Well your the reason why
I'm dancing in the mirror and singing in the shower
Ladade ladada ladada
Singing in the shower
Ladade ladada ladada
Singing in the shower
All I want, all I need is your lovin'
Baby you make me hot like an oven
Since you came you know what I've discovered
Baby I don't need me another
No, no all I know (know)
Only you got me feelin' so (so)
And you know that I have to have ya
And I don't plan to let you go
Thinkin' of ya when I'm goin' to bed
When I wake up think of ya again
You are my homie, lover and friend
Exactly why
You light me up inside
Like the 4th of July
Whenever your around
I always seem to smile
And people ask me how
Well your the reason why
I'm dancing in the mirror and singing in the shower
Ladade ladada ladada
Singing in the shower
Ladade ladada ladada
Singing in the shower
They ain't no guarantee
But I'll take a chance on we
Baby let's take our time
(Singing in the shower)
And when the times get rough
There ain't no given up
'Cause it just feels so right
(Singing in the shower)
Don't care what others say
If I got you I'm stray
You bring my heart to life yeah
You light me up inside
Like the fourth of July
Whenever your around
I always seem to smile
And people ask me how
Well your the reason why
I'm dancing in the mirror and singing in the shower
Ladade ladada ladada (hey)
Singing in the shower
Ladade ladada ladada
You got me singing in the shower
Ladade ladada ladada
Singing in the shower
Ladade ladada ladada
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 24, 2020, 01:50:24 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtXby3twMmI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtXby3twMmI)

Adventure of a Lifetime
Coldplay
Turn your magic on, to me she'd say
Everything you want's a dream away
We are legends, every day
That's what she told him
I feel my heart beating
I feel my heart beneath my skin
I feel my heart beating
Oh, you make me feel
Like I'm alive again
Alive again
Oh, you make me feel
Like I'm alive again
Said I can't go on, not in this way
I'm a dream, I die by light of day
Gonna hold up half the sky and say
Only I own me
I feel my heart beating
I feel my heart beneath my skin
Oh, I can feel my heart beating
'Cause you make me feel
Like I'm alive again

Alive again
Oh, you make me feel
Like I'm alive again
Turn your magic on, to me she'd say
Everything you want's a dream away
Under this pressure, under this weight
We are diamonds taking shape
We are diamonds taking shape
(Woo hoo, woo hoo)
If we've only got this life
This adventure oh then I
If we've only got this life
You'll get me through, oh
If we've only got this life
And this adventure, oh then I
Wanna share it with you
With you, with you
Sing it, oh, say yeah!
Woo hoo (woo hoo)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 25, 2020, 11:14:57 AM
I'll never forget the way it felt when you held me in your arms and we slow danced and slow kissed to this song on 1/23/2020 in your kitchen.
"Coldplay - Trouble" https://youtu.be/FPzI4dpEcF8
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 26, 2020, 06:29:54 AM
Mazza Star - Fade Into You: https://youtu.be/eTWGgXvJZl0 (https://youtu.be/eTWGgXvJZl0)
Coldplay - Yellow:  https://youtu.be/7PDUO3l8xiM (https://youtu.be/7PDUO3l8xiM)
Coldplay - Trouble: https://youtu.be/FPzI4dpEcF8 (https://youtu.be/FPzI4dpEcF8)
Chris Isaak - Wicked Games: https://youtu.be/aid2vMbCNP8 (https://youtu.be/aid2vMbCNP8)
Duran Duran - Ordinary World: https://youtu.be/d1PnQT4emS0 (https://youtu.be/d1PnQT4emS0)
Sade - No Ordinary Love: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYWF3y-dqUc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYWF3y-dqUc)
Sade - By Your Side: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8QJmI_V3j4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8QJmI_V3j4)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 26, 2020, 06:39:23 AM
Coldplay - Paradise: https://youtu.be/1G4isv_Fylg
Cyndi Lauper - Time After Time: https://youtu.be/3KdBCFclSC0
Linkin Park - Numb: https://youtu.be/kXYiU_JCYtU
Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams: https://youtu.be/Soa3gO7tL-c
Eagle-Eye Cherry - Save Tonight: https://youtu.be/Nntd2fgMUYw
Zero 7 - In The Waiting Line: https://youtu.be/5tZlu4wP4pw
Imagine Dragon - Thunder: https://youtu.be/fKopy74weus
Imagine Dragon - Believer: https://youtu.be/7wtfhZwyrcc
Imagine Dragon - Radioactive: https://youtu.be/ktvTqknDobU
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 26, 2020, 03:11:12 PM
Coldplay - Paradise: https://youtu.be/1G4isv_Fylg
Cyndi Lauper - Time After Time: https://youtu.be/3KdBCFclSC0
Linkin Park - Numb: https://youtu.be/kXYiU_JCYtU
Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams: https://youtu.be/Soa3gO7tL-c
Eagle-Eye Cherry - Save Tonight: https://youtu.be/Nntd2fgMUYw
Zero 7 - In The Waiting Line: https://youtu.be/5tZlu4wP4pw
Imagine Dragon - Thunder: https://youtu.be/fKopy74weus
Imagine Dragon - Believer: https://youtu.be/7wtfhZwyrcc
Imagine Dragon - Radioactive: https://youtu.be/ktvTqknDobU

All my favorite songs describing the chronological order of my life experiences. :)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 27, 2020, 10:49:19 AM
Owl City - Vanilla Twilight https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdc3RdXoFwA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdc3RdXoFwA)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on February 07, 2020, 10:17:29 AM
Billie Eilish - Ocean Eyes  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viimfQi_pUw (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viimfQi_pUw)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on February 21, 2020, 10:07:25 AM
Lewis Brice - It's You (I've Been Looking For) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS6UTbxAiS0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS6UTbxAiS0)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on February 23, 2020, 09:35:48 PM
Listening to "I'm On Fire" by Bruce Springsteen.  https://youtu.be/53LRdzM1tXQ

Such a haunting, nostalgic sound.  Reminds me of a time long ago in the age of innocence driving through the  winding country roads with vines going up the trees, curving around roads that allow you to stare into the peaks and valleys and prairies of yellow flowers; your mind wonders about the beauty of life and how magnificent everything is, yet, thoughts of sorrow and sadness enter your mind;  you're feeling warm feelings and your mind is tingling with the unknown, interpreting the world through your young innocent eyes, marveling at the wonder that beholds your mind's eye...
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on March 08, 2020, 12:42:43 AM
It feels so right when you're in my arms. I love how when we go places you reach for my hand.  It feels so good having my hand in yours. I love how we melt into each other. Being with you feels so natural. It never feels forced. Like we just belong.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on March 11, 2020, 11:46:12 AM
I didn't know I was starving. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2m5FQE8-J-w (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2m5FQE8-J-w)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on March 12, 2020, 01:44:01 AM
Let me adore you https://youtu.be/Vs_lVOPZMAM
You say https://youtu.be/HqpNGYbcy3U
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on March 12, 2020, 11:54:26 AM
I LOVE Halsey so much.  Her voice is like honey.

It was awesome when Alexa played this song and we danced to it last night.  Halsey - Gasoline feat. Gigi Hadid:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZ-m55K3FhQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZ-m55K3FhQ)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on March 13, 2020, 07:11:08 PM
She's singing about sex.  Are you starving for sex as well? or maybe something more specific.. Semen?

I didn't know she was singing about sex. :o  I thought she was singing about love. :P
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on March 14, 2020, 01:26:41 PM
My virgin eyes and ears.  Lol.  Thanks for the line by line interpretation .  Yep, still like the song.   :D
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on March 17, 2020, 10:19:55 AM
Love that we have the same tastes in music.  We both LOVE Coldplay so much.

Coldplay - Hymn For The Weekend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YykjpeuMNEk&list=PLzyYbaYKbahmvXboXUS6LaeeMfZy8Xo0U (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YykjpeuMNEk&list=PLzyYbaYKbahmvXboXUS6LaeeMfZy8Xo0U)

Chris Martin's voice is so yum.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on March 17, 2020, 10:32:17 AM
Dierks Bentley:

(https://carolinacountrymusicfest.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/thumb.jpg)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on March 19, 2020, 05:45:10 PM
SO IN LOVE with this song by Leonard Cohen.  Love his voice so much.  Love the meaning of this song too.  Leonard Cohen - You Want It Darker https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0nmHymgM7Y (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0nmHymgM7Y)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on March 19, 2020, 05:55:32 PM
Leonard Cohen:

(https://mediad.publicbroadcasting.net/p/shared/npr/styles/placed_wide/nprshared/201806/501693408.jpg)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on March 29, 2020, 10:24:25 PM
He couldn't go to the barber so he asked me to cut his hair. Normally it would take 5 minutes or less to get his hair cut at the barber but it took me 40 minutes.  Lol.  He says I'm his barber from now on.  ;D
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on April 17, 2020, 02:23:20 PM
He catches such pretty fish.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on May 01, 2020, 08:57:23 PM
Why can't all good, warm, and fuzzy feelings last forever?  I promise you, I would totally love it if these types of feelings last forever.

After a good day's worth of work, I love that amazing sense of accomplishment you get and the pride you feel from having done your best for the day.  That feeling where you don't feel any guilt because you really put in an honest day of work so you feel content to relax and celebrate because it's well-deserved.  You sit out on the deck for a few minutes drinking a yummy margarita, enjoying the lovely breeze that's neither cold nor hot--it feels just right, a mix of warm and cool air.  The awesome breeze serenades and whisks your soul to a joyful, happy dance.   Such a dreamy and sublime feeling.  You feel such a high, drunk on life.  Springtime is the best weather there is.

After you enjoy the fresh spring air, you treat yourself to the most yummy and delicious chicken pot pie. After which you sit in your comfy sofa, your body temperature at the right temperature, your feet not feeling cold like they usually do--they feel just right, like that feeling when you rub them on your warm lover's foot.  Your feet feel sensational rubbbed against each other as you watch a great movie on your television.

Then someone calls you up and makes you laugh until your tummy hurts.  Everything this person says is funny!

Great evening.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on May 07, 2020, 05:13:11 PM
...
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on May 08, 2020, 03:43:13 PM
These two (Stjepan Hauser and Benedetti Caretti) have immense chemistry:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Kczq8OMGYM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Kczq8OMGYM) 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7FkfFjBMq8 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7FkfFjBMq8)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=30&v=9T8ywBXkVWk&feature=emb_logo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=30&v=9T8ywBXkVWk&feature=emb_logo)

Stjepan Hauser reminds me of someone.  He's so hot.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on June 28, 2020, 06:02:50 PM
All relationships, even the short ones and the ones that don't work out, are special.  To connect with another person, even for a short time, is meaningful and special.  :)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on June 28, 2020, 06:14:51 PM
Feelings are fleeting things.  So is life.  Life is fleeting.

I am very thankful to the universe for bringing me you.  You're not someone that I ever thought would be in my life.  All the moments with you have been incredible.  I've never felt so alive.  I'm so grateful for you and all that you've shown me.  You've asked me "Will you marry me?" and "Are you my woman?" and I'm sorry I paused before answering... that's just because I'm aware that feelings are fleeting.  But you make me happy and I love us... and because I am also aware that life is fleeting, my answers were "Yes" and "Yes".  I have come to realize that what we are is what I've dreamed my whole life to experience and to have.  So, to have us be long-term, and possibly forever... Yes, I'd like that very much, Lover.  Yes, Lilly, I will marry you.  Yes, Lilly, I am your woman.   ;D
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on July 01, 2020, 09:59:25 AM
This is an AWESOME song.  Lagoon by J.A.K. - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MleGCbTneXE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MleGCbTneXE) 
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on July 01, 2020, 10:06:38 AM
I LOVE LOVE LOVE "Christine and the Queens".  Her voice is just so very incredibly beautiful. 

My most favorite is the one in bold:

Christine and the Queens - People, I've been sad - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNGguudoLVs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNGguudoLVs)
Christine and the Queens - La Vita Nuova ft. Caroline Polachek - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sauPCkSOiAw (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sauPCkSOiAw)
Christine and the Queens - Comme si - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2PRAjimRWM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2PRAjimRWM)

We've danced to this song a few times.  Beautiful times.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNGguudoLVs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNGguudoLVs)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on July 01, 2020, 10:32:47 AM
I've had Gaspar Noé's French movie "Love" (https://www.netflix.com/title/80057969 (https://www.netflix.com/title/80057969)) on my list for a year.  The intro had me going :o so I shut it off and didn't finish watching it but still I kept it on my list.  I finally finished watching the entire movie recently.  DO NOT WATCH IT WITH KIDS AROUND.  FOR REAL.  DO NOT.  ;D 

If you are in the mood for an erotic drama with extreme explicit sexual imagery and scenes then please watch it.  You will LOVE it.   :P ;D

I love it because the energy between Murphy and Electra is so deep and intense.  The way they are together physically (the kissing, the walks, the talks, etc) reminds me of a relationship.  To connect with someone like that on such a deep emotional and physical level is incredibly special.  Such a deep bond where you can be so spiritually and physically honest with each other.  That kind of connection doesn't happen with just anybody.  It takes someone special to be able to experience that kind of "melting" into each other on so many levels.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on July 01, 2020, 10:44:21 AM
never knew what he looked like. he looks like Anthony Bourdain's twin.

Yes, he does look like Anthony Bourdain.  Leonard Cohen was one handsome man.  So was Anthony Bourdain.  So sad about Anthony.  I loved watching his travel shows.  The way he did his shows, his voice, and the way he scripted the shows, cut really deep--he and his shows revealed the essence of the many beautiful things about life and the human experience with the colorful show of food, culture, places, and people.  So sad that he is gone now.  Such deep and beautiful people are often the most troubled ones.  Leonard was another deep one... his thoughts and his look at life were super deep and poetic... If I was one of the lucky ones in their lives that got the chance to sit down and chat with them (about anything, especially about the meaning of life)... that would have been such an orgasmic experience.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on July 01, 2020, 11:24:20 AM
orgasmic? wow...

Haha.  Yea.   :P
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on July 01, 2020, 01:37:48 PM
i think this is your peoples
are the men are all bridenappers?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAhdeizXpaQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAhdeizXpaQ)

Beautiful video and song!  Those are Hmong outfits/clothes but I think she's singing in Vietnamese?  Thanks for sharing!   O0 O0
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on August 11, 2020, 12:47:11 AM
.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on August 12, 2020, 01:03:56 PM
He's such cool and fun dude.  A professional, yet, a social butterfly, a hip and down for a good time guy.  I love the way he dances to hip hop waving his hands like dis: https://ak.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/24458069/preview/stock-footage-caucasian-male-hand-in-long-sleeve-jacket-making-hip-hop-finger-show-off-gestures-on-black.webm (https://ak.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/24458069/preview/stock-footage-caucasian-male-hand-in-long-sleeve-jacket-making-hip-hop-finger-show-off-gestures-on-black.webm)

It's kinda hard to imagine that he'd be such a cool and fun guy by the way that he normally looks, but he's so cool and fun to be around.  We're always laughing until our stomachs hurt.

Btw, I love this song.  Roddy Ricch - The Box: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLHqpjW3aDs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLHqpjW3aDs)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on October 05, 2020, 12:43:52 AM
This summer has gone by so fast.  And it's one of the saddest summers ever with not being able to do much with my kids.  I wish we could have gone vacation somewhere.  I can't wait until we can go somewhere again.

My daughter is fast becoming a young woman.  She's very stubborn but has a good head on her shoulders.  She reminds me of myself at that age.  My son is the sweetest as always.  I love him to death.  He's so precious.  I wish they didn't have to grow up.  Every day and every year, they get bigger and their faces change.  So sad.  I want those little cheeks to stay little.  But I'm glad that no matter how much those cheeks may change, I'll always be able to put my lips on them.

M and I went on 20+ motorcycle rides this summer.  They were all so much fun.  I loved all the places we drove to and all the places we stopped at to walk and all the places we ate at.  I love being with M.  He makes me laugh all the time.  I'm always so happy when I'm with him.  I'm so grateful he came into my life.  People look at him and they probably see him as this other person (I'm not sure how they see him as), but to me, he is the coolest.  He's a lot like me.  We may look serious but we are both young at heart.  We enjoy the same things.  We think alike on most things. I love how we vibe and how we seem to fit even though physically we don't look like we'd make a good match.  Lol.  He's the kind of goofball, nerd, kindred spirit I've looked for my entire life.  He's my twin.  I'm so blessed to have him in my life.  He is my best friend but should things change, I hope we will always stay friends no matter what.

A few weeks ago we went to a restaurant and sat outside.  When the bill came he grabbbed the check super fast.  Most times he let me but this time he insisted.  I threw my card at him and he threw it back.  We had a volley game with my card.  I'd throw my card at him and he'd throw it back towards me.  We must have tossed it like 20 times back and forth.  One time it landed in my empty cup and we laughed.  I went over to get the check and he opened up his jacket and tried to hide it his jacket just as our waitress was walking by.  The waitress thought we were cute.  Anyway, unlike my past experiences, it's nice to know that he wants a partnership and not just for me to do everything.  It's important to me that he is a gentleman and wants to take care of me even though I can take care of myself.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on October 05, 2020, 03:53:21 AM
 He is such a fisherman.  Almost every day he fishes.

I dunno how I got so lucky.  He's such a handsome man:
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on October 05, 2020, 04:26:49 AM
This is the sweetest dog:

I love this bike so much.  It has taken M and I to many cool places in MN and WI this summer:
http://imgur.com/a/PPYSUgH (http://imgur.com/a/PPYSUgH)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on October 05, 2020, 01:08:25 PM
Hmong snow white  ;D :
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on October 05, 2020, 04:04:54 PM
This song is awesome.  Christine and the Queens - Tilted: https://youtu.be/9RBzsjga73s
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: tRouBLe on October 05, 2020, 08:41:34 PM
Hmong snow white  ;D :

Definitely!  I saw the resemblance.  ;D  :-*
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on October 13, 2020, 08:14:52 PM
I voted today.  Feels so good to exercise my right to vote. 

So sad the length that Republicans will go to to suppress votes.  Placing illegal ballot boxes in CA as well as forcing ballots to be dropped off at just one or a few ballot boxes in certain places in FL and GA.  People have to drive far to drop off their ballots or wait hours in line to be able to vote.  You should make voting and turning in ballots much easier for people, not make it harder.  The very people complaining of voter fraud are the ones committing voter fraud.  So sad. 

If Trump wins in November, America is doomed. 

I'm super pissed that he let 200,000+ people die and continues to underplay the seriousness of this virus to the American people because he wants to play politics with people's lives.  There are not enough words to describe how disgusting of a human being he is.  He is the anti-Christ.  He desperately wants to be like Putin and turn America into Russia.  Eff him.  Eff him very much. 

People don't understand that when they hand him power, they are literally handing over their lives and their voices and their rights.  Look at the 200,000+ people that died.  He will let people die if it means that he gets to play dictator and play politics.  He doesn't give a rats ass about anybody but himself.  He is the most selfish, narcissistic person to ever be president.  The most disgusting person to ever take space in the oval office.  The most disgusting person even, before he was ever president.  All the fraud he committed.  All the crimes he committed.  I hope Republican senators of 2016-2020 live in shame for the rest of their lives for aiding and abetting an unethical, disgusting, and criminal president.  People need to wake the eff up about Trump.  People need to kick McConnel out too.  McConnel is a little sh*t.  Ugh.  Anyway, I'm glad I voted early.  People need to vote like their lives depend on it this year, because their lives literally depend on it.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on November 06, 2020, 11:24:22 PM
Sent this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fvw0TkENHM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fvw0TkENHM) to him saying "I'm feeling this".  Sent him this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18hB5edZhYY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18hB5edZhYY) too and said "this one too".  He replied "F NO" to the first song and "NO" to the second song, and said "Garbage songs."  LMAO.  He's so friggin hilarious.  Such a cutie.  Been too busy to spend time with him.  I feel bad.  He's like "Bed time.  You have a garage opener.  Always welcome."  One time I went really late and snuck in bed.  His dog loves me.  Didn't even bark.  Good doggie.  Or maybe bad doggie for not protecting his owner.  Lol.

Anyway, I am so blessed to have this man in my life.  He has brought me immense joy.  Going on a year and it's been nothing but bliss.  I am such a lucky girl.  He's such a hottie.  Everything I dreamed my whole life for.  I am grateful he is in my life every day.  Wishing always for his health and happiness.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: txojhmoo211 on November 19, 2020, 07:14:32 AM
 :o
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 01, 2020, 10:56:38 AM
:o

 :D
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 21, 2020, 10:05:42 AM
Such a shame I've only discovered her.  I love her voice so much.

Angèle - Perdus: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgH_LsBHTPw (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgH_LsBHTPw)
Angèle - Oui ou Non: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqAiGeEzctQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqAiGeEzctQ)
Dua Lipa & Angèle – Fever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMBNpVQ0k_k (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMBNpVQ0k_k)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 21, 2020, 10:09:59 AM
There are so many amazing artists that we miss out on because they haven't made it to our radar.  I wish I had known about them sooner because I love Chromeo's music.

Chromeo – Clorox Wipe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAFAuImfGyY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAFAuImfGyY)
Chromeo - Jealous: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhmUnk454MA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhmUnk454MA)
Chromeo - Don't Turn The Lights On: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkbpfPmqqbw (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkbpfPmqqbw)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 21, 2020, 10:18:25 AM
I wish I knew how to speak French.  Sigh.  French sounds so incredibly beautiful.  Them speaking it is already like music.  Them singing in French... makes it 10x even more dreamy.
 
Examples:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mD2yNEuS2E (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mD2yNEuS2E)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaSP3BXGGuY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaSP3BXGGuY)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 21, 2020, 10:55:56 AM
On repeat.  Chromeo - Old 45's: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=630cDjrdjmU (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=630cDjrdjmU)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 21, 2020, 10:57:48 AM
Two of my favorites together.  Yummies.  Black Eyed Peas, Shakira - GIRL LIKE ME: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMLk_T0PPbk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMLk_T0PPbk)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 21, 2020, 11:03:39 AM
Future - Life Is Good ft. Drake: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0U7SxXHkPY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0U7SxXHkPY)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 02, 2021, 12:49:21 PM
I recently came across a few sayings and it got me thinking. 
"Trust: It takes years to build, seconds to break, and a lifetime to repair." 
"Love all.  Trust few.  Everything's real but not everyone is true."

That is so true about trust.  It takes a long time for people to build up to the point where they feel they can trust the other person.  That can take years to do.  And then, just like that, the other person does something to make you not trust them anymore.  And the relationship is over.  Like a broken glass, it can be put back together but it will never be the same.

Anyway, trust, like many other things in life...is something that you develop different levels of appreciation for as you age.  When you were younger, you were trusting of everyone, thinking everyone is good.  Then you get backstabbed by all the mother duckers you once thought were good people and you start to realize that some people are a holes!  You learn what it feels like when you trust someone and when you no longer trust them.  Experiences make you appreciate certain things more.

Just like loyalty.  When I was younger I didn't understand why I had to prove my loyalty to anyone.  If two of my friends didn't like each other, why do I have to pick one over the other?  Their issue is their issue and I'm not involved.  So, why can't I be friends with both?  Over time this view has changed.  If one of them are a truer friend to you, you pick that truer friend over the other one.  You have to make choices in life.  You can't have your cake and eat it too.  You lose a lot of valuable friendships when you are not loyal.  So, yes, loyalty has taken on a new meaning for me... again, because of experiences.  I lost a really good friend in college because: my "acquaintance friend" did a wrong to my "long time good friend"; my long time good friend asked me why I still talked to the "acquaintance" when my good friend had already told me about their relationship; I said "but she didn't do anything TO ME so why do I have to hate her?"  Well, that was the end of my relationship with my good friend whom I had known for 15 years at the time.  She lost trust in me because I wasn't loyal to her.  I feel bad thinking back now, now that experience has taught me the importance of loyalty.  I know I could still reach out to her but she will never see me the same or trust me the same.  Just like that, 15 years, and I broke her trust.  Lesson learned.

Trust is even more important in romantic relationships.  You invest so much time getting to know your partner, talking to them, doing things with them... all of these things to build a deeper relationship and trust with one another.  After 5, 10, 15+ years... the life you built together is down the drain because they forget about what's important and saw something shiny over there and went to take a look at that shiny thing.  Trust lost.  Gone forever.  You can probably work to build back the trust... but it will take a lifetime this time around to gain back trust... and it won't even be the same anymore.  So a lot of people are just like, eff you... I don't want to waste my time on something that won't ever be whole again.

I guess the lesson here is that... trust and loyalty are very important in relationships.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 02, 2021, 01:40:24 PM
One other thing I've come to understand about myself is that: it's hard for me to keep someone in my life, heart, thoughts, who's done me wrong.  I always forgive them because I don't need all that burden and weight on me.  But I will never ever forget the wrong they did to me.  I forgive them for myself but I don't keep them in my life anymore.  They are as good as dead to me.  I don't know why I'm like that.  I have high standards and values and morals and when people act immoral or do stupid things... I can overlook their sins a few times... and I take other things into account... like, "why do they do the shitty thing they do?"... I try to be empathetic and understanding. .. doesn't mean I did not know (or do not know) what they did was dumb and selfish af... I do... but I weigh everything... and if in the end I determine that they are worthy to keep around in my life... I keep them around.  But everyone has a tally of strikes... strike one, two, three... OK... But strike four... you're dead to me.  That's how I operate.  Once you're dead to me... I really do not care anymore.  Honest.  I give zero phoks.  Maybe it's a survival mechanism I've developed.  In order to stay sane, after I give people chances upon chances and they continue to screw up... then I'm done.  There is never ever any turning back.  For example, the first SUPER close relative of mine was a biatch to me a few times... I cut her off from my life.  She called me every 3-6 months for 10 years.  I never picked up her calls.  Even when her last wish was to talk to me before she died, I never called her back.  This second SUPER close relative of mine was also a total evil biatch to me too.  This one was even more so of a biatch to me than the first.  I cut her clean from my life.  I don't even think of her for one second, ever since the moment I chose to cut her out of my life (until now when I'm writing about her).  Her daughter asked me to forgive her mom and to call her mom and I'm like, OK... but in my head/heart, her mom was dead to me a looong time ago.  I think it has something to do with survival.  Some people are just too toxic and they poison your mind, health, life so much to the point where you just don't have any more space at all in your head/heart/life for them to breathe and to exist.  I have no regrets for the people that I choose to cut from my life.  Once you're cut, you're cut.  The end.

People that I love are super important to me.  They have my loyalty.  They have my love.  No questions.  But when they make it evidently and crystal clear they don't feel the same about me then they are dead to me. 

Lesson here is that: Relationships are super fragile.  If you don't want to lose someone, then you need to make sure you don't hurt them and you need to care for your relationship with them.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: Visualmon on January 06, 2021, 05:06:07 PM
Where can I find a woman like that, zoo paj liab?  :)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 13, 2021, 06:34:35 PM
Where can I find a woman like that, zoo paj liab?  :)

I'd say that women come in all shapes, sizes, substance, intelligence, etc, just like men do.  To find a person that has the qualities you are looking for, you can't avoid investing some time to get to know them.  That's the only way to know someone: spending time interacting and talking to them.  Each person is a lot of time and effort.  But there are signs early on they give that'll help you decide if you want to invest more time or not.  I usually know within the second date if I want to continue.  Most don't get past two dates.  But wait, if you are in a relationship already then let me just stop you right there, OK.  Invest in your current relationship because if you and her made it that far... it's worth something.  Starting over new means more time.  We humans do not have all the time in the world to get to know 20+ people.  I just want to get to know one person and one person only, make memories, get old and die.  I don't want to get to know 20+ people, get old and die.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: Visualmon on January 14, 2021, 04:56:07 PM
I'd say that women come in all shapes, sizes, substance, intelligence, etc, just like men do.

What the fudge! I don't want to date and know any girl that is a transgender. 

;D just joking


I'd say that women come in all shapes, sizes, substance, intelligence, etc, just like men do.  To find a person that has the qualities you are looking for, you can't avoid investing some time to get to know them.  That's the only way to know someone: spending time interacting and talking to them.  Each person is a lot of time and effort.  But there are signs early on they give that'll help you decide if you want to invest more time or not.  I usually know within the second date if I want to continue.  Most don't get past two dates.  But wait, if you are in a relationship already then let me just stop you right there, OK.  Invest in your current relationship because if you and her made it that far... it's worth something.  Starting over new means more time.  We humans do not have all the time in the world to get to know 20+ people.  I just want to get to know one person and one person only, make memories, get old and die.  I don't want to get to know 20+ people, get old and die.

Zoo Paj Liab: To find a person that has the qualities you are looking for, you can't avoid investing some time to get to know them.
Kuv: Check.

Zoo Paj Liab:  Each person is a lot of time and effort.  But there are signs early on they give that'll help you decide if you want to invest more time or not.  I usually know within the second date if I want to continue.  Most don't get past two dates.
Kuv: Check

Zoo Paj Liab: But wait, if you are in a relationship already then let me just stop you right there, OK.
Kuv: Tos tsis tau os tseem nrhiav tus hlub nyob hauv ntiag teb no

Zoo Paj Liab: We humans do not have all the time in the world to get to know 20+ people.
Kuv: Some people did polyamory and turn out ok I think. Kinda jello though  :)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 16, 2021, 02:57:46 PM
There are so much I want to say but where do I even start?  One thing at a time, I guess...

First off, I am burnt out.  Exhausted and tired.  Turned this house inside out.  It's practically brand new.  Almost.  Painted every inch, every corner.  New hardwood and tile floors everywhere in the house, among other things.  I think I must have spent $60K to update this house.  I still don't know what I was thinking.  I saw this house and it had the flow that vibed so well with me, I just had to have it.  But it needed major updating.  I didn't know what I was getting myself into.  Anyway, I'm not completely done updating it yet.  There are still some minor things here and there.  But for the most part, the big, major items have been checked off.  Woohoo.  Finally!

Second off, there's been a lot of changes at work.  They made the Manager position that they did the paperwork to put me into (but I declined) into Director level this year.  I could have been a Director.  But it's one of those things where I have zero regrets.  Yeah, the pay is much higher but who gives a sheet.  The toxicity in the upper management circle is not something I want.  I don't have the stomach or the head space for it right now.  Maybe with new management and when my kids are older in the future, I might think about it but for now, hard pass.

Third off, I have all these goals I want to achieve.  Financial and personal goals.  They keep me up at night sometimes.  The financial goals occupy a large part of my time sometimes. 

I think everything I do is with my kids in mind.  I think about leaving them something so they will not be for want in life.  But sometimes I wonder if I'm doing all this for nothing... like, will they even know how hard I worked and sacrificed for their sake?  Will they even care?  Will they even appreciate all that I've done for them?  You know, kids these days are very ungrateful.  They think everything gets handed to them on a silver platter.  I try to teach them the value of hard work, doing for themselves, etc.  But then I can't seem to help wanting to give them the things that I never had either.  It's perplexing, really.  They will get nothing from their dad--that's a promise.  Their dad is a total dead beat.  So, it's fallen on me to be the one to secure my children's future.  It's a lot for one person to take on.  I've been everything for my kids their whole life.  I just hope to have my health so I can be around for them and their future kids for a long time to come.

I've also thought a lot about what I want.  Sometimes I feel like I can never be happy with anyone.  No one is able to make me truly happy.  I've also come to understand that I like being alone.  I don't feel lonely.  I love doing things alone.  There is so much peace in being alone.  On the other hand, if there were truly a Mr. Perfect, I'd be OK to give up my independence too.  But sadly, I don't think a Mr. Perfect exists... for me.  If fate brings him into my life then OK but if not, who cares.  I'm not waiting or hoping for him to come into my life anymore.  Most men these days lack so much.  They don't bring value.  Rather, they drain the life out of you.  For me to want to be with a man, he has to be able to bring a ton of value.  And he has to bring me security.  He also has to guarantee forever and that he won't hurt me.  But I have to be super attracted to him and love him too.  That's the biggest issue.  Someone can give me value, security, and can promise forever, but if I am not attracted to him and if I do not love him then it's a one-way street relationship and one-way street relationships don't work.  To find someone who loves me truly without reservation and vice versa is a one in a million chance.  I'm so happy for the people that have found their other half.  Congratulation s.  Hold onto that half.  Don't risk losing that half.  Because it can take forever to find a perfect half.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: txojhmoo211 on January 21, 2021, 09:39:31 PM
Cas hnub no hos hnov koj lub moo sad ua luaj na?  I hope all is well.  The past times you seem so giddy.  Tsis yog Trump leave office es koj mob mob koj lub heart lawm los?  LOLX!  Dag xwb!  Don't kill me! 

Your house sounds like a dream.  Yog koj tws ua tau lawm ces yeej worth it mas.  You dropped your sweat and tears in it so I'm sure you are very happy about it.  60k, cuag li pocket change rau koj xwb :P. 

Kids won't understand your battles.  Some will have clues of your struggles but they are not equip with the tools and mindset to make an effort to show their understanding.  When they become our age, they will start to see your love for them.  For you to even consider your love for them is a sign that you are doing all you can for them.  I remember when I was young, all I could think about was how I wanted to have all the cool things as my peers.

Tus hlub mus twg lawm na los yog COVID muab neb seperate lawm na?  Cas yuav tus siab ua luaj li os phooj ywg es.  Hopefully all will be better soon.   
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on February 08, 2021, 02:03:06 PM
Ua tsaug rau koj cov lus os.  All is well.  And speaking of Trump... I've noticed that ever since that clown left the white house, I've felt so much more at ease.  There isn't the daily shit show anymore that makes people's blood pressures go up and down daily.  It feels a lot more safer for myself, for people of color, for the country, and for the world.  A big sigh of relief!

Anyway, my house was a huge challenge to take on.  I wish I had known how much work and money it would take to make it better.  Everything was original and old and grimy... wallpapers were flaking off of the walls, carpets were stained and smelled so bad, cabinets felt like oil had been purposely poured inside and outside of them, toilets didn't work, leaky sinks, etc.  Ugh.  Tackling all of that as a single mom of two, home schooling, working FT, etc.  I was way over my head.  It was exhausting and frustrating.  But after all the hard work, the house looks much better.

Yes, kids don't understand the battles.  You are very right... with time and when they are older, I hope they will understand how much I sacrificed for them.

Tus hlub ces yog yus tus kheej xwb mas.  Tsis muaj leejtwg yuav hlub yus tshaj yus tus kheej lawm os.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on February 08, 2021, 02:42:35 PM
Hey, what is love? Love is a verb.  It's the Sacrifice and the Service we do for someone else. It's also the Total Acceptance of the person and all of their flaws and imperfections (excluding their abusive/psychopathic/narcissistic/selfish traits).

Hey, how do you know that you'll be with the person you're with until the end?  You don't.  People are always growing, evolving, changing.  There are no guarantees that things--how they are today--will remain how they are 1/5/10+ years from now.  The only thing you can count on is that "things are guaranteed to change."  What makes a relationship lasting is two people choosing each other every day, over time, to stay together, to make things work.  Choosing to forgive the mistakes, choosing to learn and grow together.  That's all there is.  Individually most of us don't stay the same.  (There are some people that do stay the same and don't change--those are the people that don't grow intellectually/mentally.)  But for growing and developing people, they are always learning new things about themselves and about the world... thus, their world views change, how they see things change, what they want changes.  As changing individuals with new wants and needs, then, we have to keep choosing the partner that we're with over and over again, every day, if our goal is to make our relationship with them last.  What makes you choose your partner every day then?  I think for me... it's my willingness to look past their flaws, the things about them that I don't like... and to look at the bigger picture... like, do they bring me joy on "most" days?  I say "most" because other people outside of ourselves can't always bring us joy every single day.  Some days, they piss us off.  But if most days the thought of having them in our lives brings sweet emotions to us... then they are good for us.  People that "consistently" make us feel sweet feelings inside of us when we think of them, are good for our health and for our life.  We should choose to keep such people around in our lives.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on February 08, 2021, 03:03:21 PM
Why I think so many people break up with their s/o and get together with new people all the time?
1.  They get bored easily.  They like the feeling of the chase, the adventure and excitement of being with someone new.  When a person gets old and boring to them, they are quick to discard the old and get with the new.
2.  They don't understand the importance of stability and commitment, or how to obtain a stable and lasting relationship.
3.  They are selfish and only think about their wants and needs and not about the relationship as a whole, or about the other person, or about the other people affected by the relationship.  If they really loved the other person, they would make sacrifices for the other person and accept the other person for who they are... and work with the other person to to fulfill both of their wants and needs.
4.  One of them grew and changed... and the other person is unwilling to meet the challenges that go along with the changing partner.
5. Deal breakers.  They realize things about their partner that they cannot accept and their partner cannot or is unwilling to change to be accepted.  Examples of deal breakers: other person is selfish, abusive, won't contribute to the relationship emotionally/financially, etc.
6.  The other person cheated.
7.  Other things.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on April 13, 2021, 07:49:29 PM
I had a zoom meeting with a co-worker today and her meeting name was "lilly".  I was like, "waitttt a minuteee..."  Hahaha.  She said her daughter's name was lilly.  Thought that was a cute coincidence. :D
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on April 13, 2021, 08:03:28 PM
i love you for
    how you make me feel
        thank you for being in my life
             for making me feel alive

i don't know what the future holds
    i wish i did
         but while we're still blessed to still wake up each day
              i want you to know that
                  i love being in your embrace
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on April 23, 2021, 06:08:56 PM
Thanks to Dok_Champa, I'm in a nostalgic Hmong mood.  Listening to these songs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-9UKFt1SPw (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-9UKFt1SPw) and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWIDsoK6fys (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWIDsoK6fys)) makes me miss my mom, my dad, and my siblings so much.  Everyone together in the same house.  Waaahh!!!  I miss my family so much!

Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on April 23, 2021, 06:39:41 PM
I love those times when you won't let me go when I sit on your lap,
I would try to get off and you'd grab me to hold on longer.
I love the way you hold me.
I love it when you say, "Promise forever."
I love it when you call me Baby or Honey or Love.
I love the way you hug me, the way you ​smell (when you don't use that medicinal shampoo).
I love it when you hold my hands.
I love it when you say, "Kuv hlub koj tshaj."
I love how smart you are, how funny you are.
Yeah, we always laugh so hard together, even in the middle of the night.  You bring me so much joy.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on April 26, 2021, 12:02:41 PM
"Miss Sloane" is a fantastic movie (currently on Netflix).  It is so awesome!  The movie reaffirms what is already true.  But I love the edge it gave.  If only we had someone like her, who can win at getting the results that are good for the country.  Anyway, such a great movie!  I liked it.  I liked it a lot.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: Visualmon on April 26, 2021, 10:56:18 PM
 ??? ???
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on May 15, 2021, 10:32:47 AM
Sometimes things are sent to us not in the package that we imagined, but what's inside the package is what matters.  You make me happy and that's what I need.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on May 15, 2021, 10:35:34 AM
Thank you for always making me laugh all the time, for all the awesome times.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on May 16, 2021, 07:43:02 PM
The bonfire last night was so much fun.  You and I always have so much fun together!  I think you are always hilarious.  You are so free-spirited--it's quite amazing, really, how easy going you are.  I wish time stood still because you're so much fun to be around.  Anyway, I don't always know what goes on in your head.  Last night you were like, " You're my best friend, my wife."  I was like, "Whaattt?"  And you said, "We can make that happen, you know."  I feel I may have given you the impression that I'm not ready for marriage again... But I'm reconsidering.  I think it might work out.  You are good to me.  You're always so concerned when you think I might be upset with you.  I love that you are so in tuned to my feelings. I love that you fight for us.  I love that the most.  I've tried to create space but you only pull me closer to you.  I think that's how it is when a man loves a woman, right?  I've never been loved correctly by a man before so I'm very cautious and suspicious.  Which is why I do everything in relationships slowly.  It doesn't take much to spook me and make me recoil and say goodbye.  I love that you communicate well with me and fight for us always.  I love you, M.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on May 16, 2021, 08:34:45 PM
Let me take that back.  I've been loved correctly by men in my past before.  Three other men loved me correctly before.  Two of those three proposed and I turned them down.  I broke all of their hearts.  Maybe I'm not destined for good men in my life or something, because I always break the hearts of the good ones.  I believe I would have been happy with any of those three.  They knew how to love women.  They cared about and loved me.  I loved them too.  I just wasn't ready to get married.  But I guess everything happens for a reason in life, right?  Maybe there's a higher reason unbeknownst to me why I said no to their proposals?  We'll never know.  I only know I wasn't ready to get married when they asked.  I'm sure they are the most amazing husbands to their wives now.  Makes me kinda jealous of their wives.  Just a little.  Lol.  Anyway, I don't want to make the same mistake with M.  He is such a good man.  He makes me feel loved.  And I love him back.  That's the main ingredient.  Equal love.  But I have learned that it takes more than Equal Love.  Lasting love needs Compromise, Communication, Respect, Trust, Loyalty.  Do we have it all?  Only time will tell.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on May 31, 2021, 12:26:53 PM
We see so little of each other that when we do it's like discovering each other all over again.  I feel bad for him.  I told him it's OK for him to pursue someone else.  But he says he'd rather have an hour here and there with me than none at all.  I feel like I'm a disappointment as a mom and as a girlfriend.  Life could be better.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on June 16, 2021, 09:59:44 AM
Lagoon - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MleGCbTneXE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MleGCbTneXE)

Clorox Wipe - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAFAuImfGyY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAFAuImfGyY)

People, I've been sad - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNGguudoLVs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNGguudoLVs)

Perdus - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgH_LsBHTPw (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgH_LsBHTPw)

Noj Peb Caug - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-9UKFt1SPw (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-9UKFt1SPw)

The Box - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLHqpjW3aDs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLHqpjW3aDs)

Mood - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fvw0TkENHM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fvw0TkENHM)

Beachin' - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwgCBRj3dn4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwgCBRj3dn4)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on June 17, 2021, 08:07:26 AM
Compatibility Signs:
R - recreational intimacy
I - intellectual intimacy
S - spiritual intimacy
E - emotional intimacy
S - sexual intimacy

It is so rare to find someone who is compatible with you in all of these.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on June 17, 2021, 08:57:59 AM
How is it possible that I can meet a mature adult who wants exactly the same things that I want in life and in love?  I don't even know.  You're like some unicorn.  What are the chances that you drop right smack on my lap and are all that I've asked for my whole life?  In my dreams for so long, I dreamed for you.  I used to have recurring dreams of a deep, genuine love, a type of love that takes your breath away, that completely consumes you.  A type of love where two people are completely and wholly, spiritually immersed in one another, as if you are them and they are you, where, in each other's eyes is burning desire and the whole universe.  Your world is just so unequivocally bliss and beautiful, even as everything around you is burning down, because as long as they next to you, holding your hand, smiling at you... nothing else really matters.  You came straight out of my dreams, my M.  I don't even have those dreams anymore because, you are not a dream, you are extremely real.  Thank you.  I love you so much.  I have been so empty for so long, pretty much my whole life, and I didn't think it would ever be possible for me to feel this way: to adore and love someone so deeply and genuinely, and to be loved and adored the same way in return.  Thank you, M, for all that you are.  Thank you for making it possible for me to feel this way.  Every day is worthwhile because of my kids, and because of you.  Other songs are able to express my endearing feelings for you... but this one in its meaning, pitch, modulation, and passion, best describes my passion and affection for you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNGguudoLVs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNGguudoLVs)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on June 17, 2021, 09:57:03 AM
I am not embarrassed for this admission.  “It’s true that, people, I’ve been sad.”  “I’ve been gone, I’ve been missing out…Been missing out for too long, forsaking things for too long.”  Forsaking things like, happiness and other things in life that I deserve.  My life, in a word, has been forlorn.  Pitiful.  Sad.  Hopeless.  Lonely.  Depressed.  Merciless.  Woeful.  Unfulfilled.  How much my heart has hurt.  How I've mourned for the difficult life I've led.  How much I yearned for that better half human warmth.  Which is why, I feel so incredibly blessed, so lucky... since the day that M came into my life.  His cheery disposition and the sun he's shined on me stands in stark contrast to what my life was before.  His presence is felt in such a wonderfully sweet, pronounced, and intense way.  Where there was once a sense of looming doom and a never ending darkness, I finally see something bright up ahead on my path.  There is such an exquisite gentleness in how his hand holds my heart, in the way he looks into my soul, in his kindness.  For so long, I knew nothing but elusive love, that, which created a profound yearning for something more, something more complete, more real.  I am forever grateful for how he sends titillating waves of joyful sensations to my heart with his graceful teachings for how I can be a better person; I love that beyond his charming charisma and outgoing personality lies a careful attention to detail, to be kind, sensitive, and caring to my needs, expressed through his eyes, his touch, and his words.  What beautiful strokes he is imparting on my life canvass... I pray that the ultimate painting and picture is one of peace, joy, happiness, and true love.  Not every day do I have a reason to celebrate.  But today I want to celebrate this love that I am so very fortunate to have found.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on June 17, 2021, 09:57:37 AM
There is an invasive amazing feeling that is permeating into my heart and into my life.  What blessed relief.  My heart is not as heavy. I welcome with open arms resilience and beauty to continue to come into my life.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on June 24, 2021, 09:01:48 AM
He is on a work trip.  Listening to this song and it makes me miss him so much.  Songs like this one are nostalgic to both of us.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_n3E3mZdm8 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_n3E3mZdm8)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on June 24, 2021, 09:31:56 AM
Pleassssse let time stand still.  My little pumpkin is getting taller!  :'(  A few days ago he was like, "Mommy, I think I grew."  Sure enough, he did grow like a half inch.  Baaah!  I'm not ready for him to grow up!  I can't hold him like a baby anymore.  I hate it!

My daughter is so stubborn right now.  I hope when she grows up she'll be better.  I remember being her age and going through the highs and lows with my emotions.  The littlest things would trigger me and set me off.  She gets that from me.  But with time I became more level-headed.  Hopefully the same is true for her.  Right now, there are times when I want to give her up for adoption with the way she behaves... but I know I need to exercise a lot of patience with her right now.  I love her so much but sometimes she makes me so mad.  Teenagers are so tough to raise.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on July 12, 2021, 11:05:31 AM
This song is so me (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS6UTbxAiS0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS6UTbxAiS0)), from a girl perspective.  Sometimes I can hardly believe that I'm able to have these feelings--I never thought I'd be lucky enough to experience them, and for this length of time.  Anyway, love is super fragile and I get scared sometimes... hoping for the best.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on July 15, 2021, 11:09:59 AM
Random thoughts.
- I watched "Memoirs of a Geisha" a few days ago and while the film is so beautifully done and everything, all I could think of was, "Iaaaak, he's a pedophile ((the chairman).  Eugh!"
- Sometimes when I see him I see a sadness in his eyes.  There used to be a pleading look as if to say, "Give me another chance, I still want to be married to you."  And when I would address him by name before, he would respond with a hopeful, "Yes???" as if hoping that I would say, "I want to get back together."  But he knows that there is no way in hell I will ever look to the past.  I think the sadness look these days is the knowing that no one else is ever going to do the things that I did for him.  He has no one to rely on anymore to be his slave so that he can just sit back, relax, kick his feet, and enjoy the luxury.  Nope, he's going to have to fend for himself after his mom.  So sad that a grown ass man is back living with his mom.  I heard he is not with his gf anymore either.  I was wondering how long that was going to last.  I was hoping it would be for a long time but I guess not.  I should have known no other woman could ever put up with his narcissism, selfishness, thoughtlessnes s, etc.  Anyway, I'm so sad for myself that I let myself take care of the man for so long when he offered nothing in return and added zero value to my life (in fact, he dragged me down so much--every chance I was able to get up for air he pulled me down into the depths of the ocean again).  The day I was free of him was the happiest day of my life.  But all of that aside, he is still the father of my children, so, I wish him nothing but good health and happiness.  I hope he finds happiness.  But most important of all, I hope that he finds clarity.  I hope he grows up and understands that he has to take responsibility for himself and that no one on earth owes him anything.  I hope he will learn to understand that he was never and is not the smartest person in the room and finally understands that other people think he's an idiot--he was just too self-absorbed to see and understand the social cues of others.
- I don't think I was unique in being with someone like my ex.  So many other women are in my shoes.  They end up with such a loser for a husband where they end up being both mom and dad to their children; where they alone bear the sole responsibility of the household and all finances.  Where their loser husband comes and goes as he pleases as if he had no kids/no wife/no responsibiliti es.  I think what these types of men have in common are: laziness, entitlement, pure selfishness, complete lack of responsibility, heartlessness/cold-hearted, thoughtlessnes s, etc.  It's so easy to say to women who find themselves with men like these, "You are dumb for staying with a loser like him".  It's always easier said than done, though.  These men are the biggest manipulators and deceivers, if you didn't know.  Often, they don't show their true selves to the women until their "entrapment" game has worked.  They will let on that they are most loving/caring/supportive person.  And only when they've trapped the women with children/marriage, only then will they show who they really are.  And by that point, the women will want to try every way possible to hold on to their marriages for their children's sake (never for their own!).  Only when the woman has lost all hope and realize it's a life or death situation (she either gets out or die of suffocation from being with a loser that will never change), will she leave him.  So, don't be so quick to judge women that stay with losers.  Often, they don't stay for themselves, they stay so that their children don't have to experience a broken home.  But what many of these women fail to realize is that a broken home is the best thing that you can do for your children!  Your children need a happy mom.  Your children suffer twice as much when you stay with their useless and pathetic dad.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on July 23, 2021, 02:09:51 PM
A little over a month left before school starts back up.  Summers are so friggin short!  Especially when you're so friggin busy all the time doing not fun things.  Hopefully this resort calls me back because I want so bad to take my kiddos there before they have to go back to school.  I love my babies.  God, please always watch over and protect my babies.  Always.  Please.  Thank you.

He fishes so much I've made a habit of asking, "Did you go fishing today?"  LOL.  The other day his response was, "Are you kidding?  The water is 2 inches.  It's so dry, there's no fish."  Poor baby.  Last night I tried to teach him how to play texas holdem.  LOL.  I totally forgot how to play it.  It's been years.  I dealt him 5 cards and dealt myself 5 cards.  He was like, "Waaait a minute... you don't know how to play."  So, he googled how to play and we played a few hands.  He beat me, of course.  LOL.  I left early for work this morning (he was still sleeping) so I went in to kiss him bye.  He said, "I love you, Honey.  Have a great day.  Be safe."  It's been so long since I've felt like I mattered to someone in this way.  I'm thinking that I love him on a deeper level now.  I feel my love for him growing stronger every day.  Please, god, always watch over him and protect him.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on August 20, 2021, 04:16:43 PM
The kids and I had a great time on our trip.  We did so much.  I cooked a lot on this trip.  Usually we just eat out but the place we stayed at had a kitchen so I made Uncle Ben's rice, sausages, stir-fry, bacon, eggs.  It was nice to have a kitchen and to be able to have hot food. 

Our first night there I made a bonfire and the kids and I roasted marshmallows.  A man came and sat on one of our chairs and started talking to us.  That was so rude!  He was super nosy and asked where we were from and everything.  I was so annoyed.  Made me miss having a man around to ward off idiots like that guy.  Next time M will be coming with us on our trips.

The kids enjoyed swimming in the pool at the hotel, the nice sandy beach, and playing mini golf. 

I do want to do one more trip while the weather is still warm, before fall comes.  We shall see if it happens.

I can't believe school is starting in less than 2 weeks again!  It's insane!  Where did the time go?  I can't believe how fast this summer went by!!!

M and I only went on 4 motorcycle rides this summer.  A drastic drop from last summer's 20+.  I've been super busy with my house.  The inside is almost done to how I want it.  Next is the outside.  My yard needs work.  I want to cut down the huge trees in my backyard so I have more sun to grow veggies.  We shall see if I get to tree cutting next year.  So many things to do being a home owner!  It never ends.  It sucks.  I still have to fix my deck railing, put new doors inside the house, install lights, etc.

Congratulation s to my cousin and his wife on their recent marriage.  Congratulation s to another awesome couple on their wedding too!  I told M how happy I was for the couples and their decisions to get married.  I told him that marriage, to me, symbolizes a strong commitment to one another.  How are people so sure that they want to be with each other forever?  And that I want that for myself as well: to be sure about somebody.  He was a little offended.  He was like, "You aren't sure about us?  Don't I show you true love?"  I felt bad.  I quickly told him, "Oh, yes, Honey, I feel your love.  I know we love each other."  I think having gone through one failed marriage it makes me a little jaded.  It's like I'm not wondering if people will break up but when.  I feel like I've become so cynical.  A non-believer in true, everlasting love.  I've experienced it and thus know and conclude, that love is super fragile.  The two people have to work at it every day.  It's like a fire that can go out.  You always have to tend to the fire, add more fire wood, to keep the flames burning.  While the fire is glowing strong, it's a beautiful sight to see.  But people have to remember to tend to the fire... But for me, though, when the fire goes out or when something starts to go wrong, my attitude is, "Oh well, time for bed!"  I give up quickly.  I don't want to spend the energy.  I feel like, "If it's going to be too much work, forget it.  Been there, done that, don't wanna waste my time."  But then M is always like, "Honey, it's so much easier to give up and be alone than to make a relationship work.  Relationships are hard.  But true love is the goal.  I want forever with somebody.  I want forever with you."  And thus, I'm like "Awww... OK, Honey, I love you too."  LOL.

I love my M.  He gives me butterflies still.  But why is it that I'm such a disbeliever in true love now?  It's not like true love is impossible.  It is very possible.  I know many couples that are still on their first marriage.  They are still together.  I also know those couples don't always get along.  They have disagreements.  I'm sure the fire has burnt out a few times but they lit it back up.  And they lit it back up because they both want to keep their marriage going.  They have kids together, they've built a life together... why give all that up?  That is good for the couples that keep up with their marriages and stay together.  I do want to find that too.  To find somebody who realizes that we'll have ups and downs but during the downs, we don't stop loving each other... we keep going.  I feel I may have found that with M.  He wants to make it last with me.  I do hope we last too.  I'm just very dubious when it comes to true love now.  I feel like love is fleeting and it changes day to day.  Who knows what will happen tomorrow.  So... we'll see... only time will tell how the story ends for this cynical girl who has lost so much trust in the probability of lasting love.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on September 02, 2021, 02:14:37 PM
Kids are in school again.  Surreal.  Three months is such a short a** time. 

Anyway, I love my neighbors.  They are really cool.  My neighbors on the left are walking my son and their daughter to their bus stop in the mornings.  They have been such nice neighbors.  Both neighbors on each side of me are very nice.  They are the same age or are close to the same age as me and their kids are around the same age as my kids too--that's cool.  The neighbor on the right asked me if I wanted to borrow their lawn mower when I was struggling with my lawn mower that one time.  I love that there are a lot of home owners around my age living in my neighborhood.  My neighbor on the left says that that's their forever home and that's where they will retire.  I feel the same way about my house too.  It'll be nice to grow old with my neighbors.

My kids' schools are really nice.  They still look new.  Well-designed and looks super modern on the insides.  Their schools were the main reasons why we moved to our current house. 
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on October 19, 2021, 03:57:53 PM
Japanese instrumentals are the best.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clR9v_s3V78 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clR9v_s3V78)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDTp_YQizqE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDTp_YQizqE)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yY7iGa4t9-I (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yY7iGa4t9-I)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSkcW5w_L1o (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSkcW5w_L1o)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on October 20, 2021, 07:45:03 PM
I was searching for Hmong songs that were--from beginning to end--truly, genuinely of the highest quality.

These were some of the best, quality Hmong songs I was able to find (my most favorites in bold):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=210CEb7It2w - Txiv Lub Xim Xaus - Maa Vue
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEwsnYotRjc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEwsnYotRjc) - Koj Nyob Qhov Twg - cover by Lor Chang
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVa7MZliwN8 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVa7MZliwN8) - Koj - The Sounders

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOdLNKSwIQQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOdLNKSwIQQ) - Nag Hmo - Thai Sounders
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTHbyD6xzFk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTHbyD6xzFk) - Lub Sijhawm - Kristine Xiong
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7nd6JTGbrM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7nd6JTGbrM) - Sib Hawm Dhau - Deeda/Dib Xwb
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDM6YQ46qgE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDM6YQ46qgE) - Yog Los Mas - Zong Pha Xiong
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJA2gRpTAIU (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJA2gRpTAIU) - Nco Kuv Me Me - Kaishek Vang
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xjHm8HlVCI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xjHm8HlVCI) - Sij Hawm Tig Tsis Tau Rov Qab - Huas Ham
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrDR9yKoj34 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrDR9yKoj34) - Mi Noog - Suddenrush
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5TMTEwqYak (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5TMTEwqYak) - Mi Noog - cover by Lor Chang
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTqKG06VzW4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTqKG06VzW4) - Daim Nplooj Ntoos - Suddenrush
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bscjHSAvSIA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bscjHSAvSIA) - Cov Huab Iab Oo - Suddenrush
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWIDsoK6fys (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWIDsoK6fys) - Noj Peb Caug By Yaya Moua & Yaying Yeng Moua
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A153dvF_kqQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A153dvF_kqQ) - Me Leej Nus Toj Siab - Paj Huab Ham
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=132ohDF6zt4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=132ohDF6zt4) - 1000 Miles - Thai Sounders
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSMCpn9ctFw (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSMCpn9ctFw) - Mus Zoo Koj - lightofday ft. Sua Yang
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzZyMnmYf1o (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzZyMnmYf1o) - Ntuj No Tuaj Lawm - Ntxawg Vaaj


Honorable mentions:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnFsZPnEEjE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnFsZPnEEjE) - Ib Sim Neej - High Voltage
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gabrNg1dtJA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gabrNg1dtJA) - Yog Siab Xav Ib Yam - Xanakee
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImIax6ZpQfY&list=PLAFB112BE1632AA3B&index=17 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImIax6ZpQfY&list=PLAFB112BE1632AA3B&index=17) - Txhua Lub Sijhawm - Whyteshadows
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExAPi2YlxfY&list=PLD165D2FD855F05C1&index=7 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExAPi2YlxfY&list=PLD165D2FD855F05C1&index=7) - Nco Nco Koj - Lue Vang
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yl0pwtuPMfU (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yl0pwtuPMfU) - Hluas Nkauj Hmoob - Destiny
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYbNuQfRt78 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYbNuQfRt78) - Luag Leej Tub - Yasmi and Dib Xwb
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on October 20, 2021, 07:52:31 PM
OK, this should have been one of the bolded songs (it's so, so beautiful!!!):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49eECL_1cuU - koj nyob qhov twg (ntuj no tuaj lawm) - Proto-J x Forthe Dimenshon
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: Dok_Champa on October 21, 2021, 08:11:39 AM
I'm a fan of the hmong oldies and Touly is my guy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23nphj86GxI&ab_channel=BaxterYang (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23nphj86GxI&ab_channel=BaxterYang)

and Thai, this one is my best guy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVRen1XYX14&list=PLqAodd8BoCOkZ6y4otDJVg-2CdhV2yMAo&index=10&ab_channel=GMMGRAMMYOFFICIAL (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVRen1XYX14&list=PLqAodd8BoCOkZ6y4otDJVg-2CdhV2yMAo&index=10&ab_channel=GMMGRAMMYOFFICIAL)

FYI, me no understand Thai....hahaha .  I wonder why the tears in his eyes and why he jumped at the end?

They are my best :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on October 26, 2021, 10:51:05 AM
I'm a fan of the hmong oldies and Touly is my guy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23nphj86GxI&ab_channel=BaxterYang (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23nphj86GxI&ab_channel=BaxterYang)

and Thai, this one is my best guy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVRen1XYX14&list=PLqAodd8BoCOkZ6y4otDJVg-2CdhV2yMAo&index=10&ab_channel=GMMGRAMMYOFFICIAL (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVRen1XYX14&list=PLqAodd8BoCOkZ6y4otDJVg-2CdhV2yMAo&index=10&ab_channel=GMMGRAMMYOFFICIAL)

FYI, me no understand Thai....hahaha .  I wonder why the tears in his eyes and why he jumped at the end?

They are my best :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*

Cool!  Thanks for sharing, Dok_Champa!  I like the Thai language too, and I wish I understood Thai as well.  So many languages to learn and only one lifetime.  For now, Hmong and English will have to do.  :)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on October 27, 2021, 12:16:07 PM
Can't wait to see him.  I miss him so much.  He left last Wednesday and will be home in a few hours.  He's stressed about his parents.  We shall see what happens in the near future.  His son and I are in MN and his parents are in FL.  Good thing his job is FT remote--he can work from anywhere with an internet connection.  But I can't leave MN because my job is not remote and his son can't leave because his son's mom is in MN.  I wish his parents would agree to come back to MN so I can help too.  But they like the low taxes FL offers.  Plus, his aunt and uncle are also down there.  If his parents left FL, there would be no one left in FL with his aunt and uncle.  This has made me think about my future retirement plans.  My kids will probably stress about me when I get old and sick too if they are not in the same state as me.  I guess I'll retire wherever my kids are.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on November 16, 2021, 03:00:11 PM
If you haven't seen the movie "Oblivion", you're missing out.  It's such a good movie.  Watched it twice already.  Going to find time to watch it again.  I'm also in love with the credit song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DP7oquUeV_0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DP7oquUeV_0)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 23, 2021, 03:35:19 PM
A few weeks ago I went through boxes that had in them old things, very old things from my past.  “Out of sight out of mind” is a very true phrase.  I don’t recall every moment of the past as I live each day in the present, as most of us do.  Perhaps later in life when I am older, my mind might go in search of days past and reminisce over the times of my youth.  But at current, I really couldn’t remember the things or events in my life that happened so long ago.  That is, until… I opened up those boxes.

I guess I kept some old things.  Many items still in their same shape and some were covered in dust.  But no matter, touching each item was like a play button.  Memories from the past flashed in front of me all of a sudden, projected on an invisible movie screen, and I recall vividly, each moment, each feeling as I held each piece of memorabilia in my hands.  Kinda bitter sweet to relive certain memories. 

Some items brought back joy and happiness and others gave me these pangs of sadness, feelings of regret and pain.  But each held their significance and I struggled with what to do with the items.  Just throw away?  Yes?  No!  I couldn’t! Oh, but yes!  Just throw away!  You don’t need these old things!  Why would you?  So, a lot of them went into the trash.  I kept a few.

Some things I threw away:
-   This pair of hot pink curved metal earrings.  I remember wearing those with dress shirts and skirts.
-   Necklaces from Jamaica.
-   Random notebooks from school.
-   School awards and certificates.
-   Address books that had names, addresses, and phone numbers of people I barely remember anymore.

Things I kept:
-   Old journals.
-   Old pictures.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 29, 2021, 05:05:03 AM
I was alone on Christmas.  My kids were with their dad for Christmas and my lover was in FL with his parents.  It was nice to be alone for a day but on the second day, I realized I was human.  I do need to be around other people.  What will I do when the kids are all grown up and they both move out and if I don't have a partner?  So, it got me thinking that I should have a partner in my old age.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on December 29, 2021, 05:16:54 AM
Speaking of being alone.  There was a time when people felt lonely they could go out in public to the movies and to the malls, but now people can't even freely do those things anymore (without some level of fear) because of covid.  When do you think life can go back to normal again, like to the times before covid?  God!  It's so depressing to think that we can never go back to the pre-covid days.

Life is forever altered and changed.  Makes me so pissed at the dumbazzes who won't get vaccinated or wear a mask.  All the stupid idiots prolonging the suffering for everyone else.  Eff all the azzwholes!  Some people have low-level animal brains!  I'm so mad at all the idiots.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on January 13, 2022, 12:10:35 PM
I feel an acute melancholy feeling when I think about and see the stark contrast between real life and the life that I wish I could have.  I wish I could easily leave the 21st society behind and go live in the wild, in the woods, and be one with nature.  It would be so awesome to block out all of the noise of the modern world and go and live in a cabin in the woods that is next to a stream or a creek. I could grow my own vegetables and raise my own pigs and chickens.  How nice it would be to not be concerned about the goings-on of the world, to act as though instagram, facebook, or modern technology exist only in a distant galaxy.  To truly live in the woods safely, peacefully, blissfully, separate from society.

But, I am jolted back to reality when I realize I cannot have that dream.

Anytime I want to live the life of my dreams in my head, though, I listen to this song and it takes me straight there: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvvQb7zTh6E. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvvQb7zTh6E.)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: Dok_Champa on January 13, 2022, 06:02:12 PM
Like this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sGadrkS2PM&ab_channel=TheCottageFairy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sGadrkS2PM&ab_channel=TheCottageFairy)

I'm too chicken.  At night, my mind would wonder too much.  BUTTTTT if I have a warm body next to me, yes, it'll be heaven.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on May 12, 2022, 09:53:33 PM
Like this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sGadrkS2PM&ab_channel=TheCottageFairy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sGadrkS2PM&ab_channel=TheCottageFairy)

I'm too chicken.  At night, my mind would wonder too much.  BUTTTTT if I have a warm body next to me, yes, it'll be heaven.

Dok_Champa, thanks for sharing.  That is a soothing video.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on April 06, 2023, 11:52:39 PM
It sure has been a minute.  :D
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on April 06, 2023, 11:53:52 PM
I'm glad this place is still alive.  Was honestly surprised.  Lol
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on April 06, 2023, 11:59:17 PM
 I'm going to explain how the last 2 years have been like for me:
 :-* :P :o :( O0 :-* :-\ :-[ :o O0 :) :) :( :'( :-\  :-* >:D :police: :police: :-[ :-\ :) ??? :-\ O0 :)
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: tRouBLe on April 07, 2023, 10:44:46 PM
I heard you’re looking for a handyman? ^-^ I’ll keep an eye out for you.  ;D
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on April 08, 2023, 04:24:44 PM
Thanks!  Every lady with a house needs a good handyman.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on May 12, 2023, 11:27:27 AM
Lub sijhawm tig tsis tau rov qab lawm os.   Tu siab tshaj.  Yog kuv tig tau sijhawm, kuv yuav tig sijhawm kom koj tseem me me, kuv yuav muab koj puag txhua lub sijhawm, nwj koj lub plhw tsis pub koj plam ntawm kuv ib pliag.  Ua li cas ib pliag xwb koj twb yuav muaj kaum xya xyoo.  Koj pauv mus ua ib tug menyuam hluas nkauj, uas koj muaj koj txojkev xav.  Zoo li koj tsis need kuv lawm.  Xyov puas yuav muaj ib hnub twg uas koj yuav tig los xav tias kuv hlub koj tshaj txhua tsav yam.  Kuv cem koj los yog vim kuv hlub koj.
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on July 31, 2023, 09:11:09 PM
I'd like to thank PH for continuing to be a platform for PH OG's like me.  Thank you, PH Admins, too, for continuing to monitor this platform and ensuring it remains a safe and respectful environment. I know traffic isn't what it used to be, but it is still a wonderful place to come back to to reminisce.  It's still an effective mental health outlet for many of us.  So, thank you very much!!!
Title: Re: letitbenonmundane
Post by: lilly on July 31, 2023, 10:28:30 PM
Anyway, gosh... Where do I start?  I have so much to say but lately I feel like I am unable to speak the words.  The words remain trapped inside my mouth and they, they just don't come out.

I have gone through so much these last couple of years but I feel like this year in particular, everything and my whole world drastically spiraled out of control.  It started out as a little snowball the size of a ping pong ball, but with each passing month, that snowball got bigger and bigger until a full-fledged snowman was formed, with eyes, nose, mouth, arms, hands, buttons, hat, and scarf dressed on too, to boot!  Talk about cherry on top!  Except, instead of a sweet succulent treat like an ice cream sundae, it seems the last 9 months have been one huge, no end in sight, disaster.  It finally culminated into a whole mental health breakdown.  I have never experienced anxiety like what I've gone through.

Thankfully, I am at the tail end of this dark passage in my life.  I feel that I am exiting this long and dark tunnel finally.  I can breathe a sigh of relief!  I see the sun!

I don't think people truly understand how scary anxiety and depression are.   Or, how important it is to take care of your mental health.  It is so important!

For people that don't know about what causes anxiety and depression, one of the things that causes anxiety and depression is your THOUGHTS.  Please know that it is not good at all to sit with your thoughts for too long.  When you are at a crossroads, it is important to just make a decision and stick with it. The back and forth battles that go on in your mind are not good for you.  The feelings of hopelessness, of thinking that you are so alone in the world, thinking that you are so unloved... are poisons that will eventually take shape in the form of crippling anxiety, restlessness, and eventually turn into sleeplessness, to the point of not being able to sleep for weeks.  Please don't ever let it get that far.

If I could tell anyone with anxiety, I would tell them to BREATHE.  To LET IT GO. 
- Let go of worries, of dark feelings, and focus only on the positives.  Life has never been easy for you?  Don't dwell on things that you have no control over.
- Maybe a romantic relationship isn't going the way you want and it is no longer serving you and it's no longer good for your mental health?  Let it go.  You need to let it go, so that something even better can come into your life. 
- Your child disappoints you?  Let it go. Let them live their life.  Pray for them, always let them know that you love them, that you are there for them.  Trust that life experiences will teach them right from wrong.  As long as you know you have done all that you could for your child, that is all that you can do, so, let it go, breathe.
- If a job causes you anxiety and stress, let it go.  Breathe.  Take it one day at a time.
- Have faith and NEVER LOSE HOPE--believe that good things are on their way to you.  Again, focus only on the positives!

When you start to feel anxious, remember to come down from your mind and all your thoughts... into your body. Focus on your body and on your breathing.  Be in the present moment with your body and your breath.

In conclusion, the last 9 months have been true hell.  But after I came out on the other side of my crippling anxieties and severe depression, I gained this deep appreciation for life.  I am just so grateful for my life.  I understand now that I am so blessed beyond measure.

I am also now, more than ever, so acutely aware of how short and how extremely precious life is. We are but a mere breath in the wind.  And so many times, in my life, god has saved me. There is a reason for the breaths that I breathed and continue to breathe.

I may not always understand why my life has been so hard, so sad... but I trust that a good, amazing life is yet to unfold for me.  God has something great in store for me.  I know it!  I feel it!