PebHmong Discussion Forum

Relationship => General Relationship => Topic started by: lilly on February 08, 2021, 03:41:33 PM

Title: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: lilly on February 08, 2021, 03:41:33 PM
Trying to understand the psychology of men and women. 

MEN: How do you know if a woman is "the one" for you long-term?  Or, do most of you just "settle," even though she doesn't have all and everything that you truly want?  What are the "must haves" that qualify her to be "the one" for you?  Be really honest.

WOMEN: How do you know if a man is "the one" for you long-term?  Or, do most of you just "settle," even though he doesn't have all and everything that you truly want?  What are the "must haves" that qualify him to be "the one" for you?  Be really honest.
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: lilly on February 08, 2021, 03:46:18 PM
I understand this may be a loaded question.  :)
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: lilly on February 08, 2021, 03:59:02 PM
How do you know if a man is "the one" for you long-term?

Here's my answer/my must haves:
- We must have good chemistry.
- He's the one when I'm the one for him, meaning he accepts me for who I am; makes sacrifices for me (willing to compromise on things/willing to go out of his way for me); does acts of service for me (helps with the kids/chores/money, etc); cares about me and my well-being (fulfills me physically/emotionally/psychologically).

Simple.  Are your lists as simple as that?
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Visualmon on February 09, 2021, 12:20:56 AM
I rather listen to Mordecai's advice on dating and marriage. lol
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Dok_Champa on February 09, 2021, 04:45:23 PM
That attraction, butterflies in your stomach..all those are important and the next important thing is you look at the person's character.. Is that person an ethical, moral, kind, safe , loving, person? 

When you have a combination of both, butterflies in your stomach and good character = potentially THE ONE.

Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: lilly on February 11, 2021, 08:38:36 PM
go to war knowing and accepting that you can get killed...go into a relationship, knowing there is no guarantee no matter how well things are going or how perfect the relationship is at some point....human nature designed humans to be just like any other animals out there...object ive: breed with as many as possible...lol s

correction: i believe there is a specific breed of doves where a pair stays together til death due one or both apart...haha that's true love...unfortu nately human nature doesn't work that way for most people...lols

I agree.  I think human nature is pretty twisted.  We are all animals. If given the chance with no penalty, most people make stupid choices.  But, there are insightful people who will weigh everything and try to make careful choices... even if those choices sometimes don't end up going the way they want... because one can't control other people or the future.

Couples have to be like minded, have the same goals, want the same things, work well together, communicate well, comprise... if they are to make it long-term.
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Visualmon on February 11, 2021, 11:49:51 PM
go to war knowing and accepting that you can get killed...go into a relationship, knowing there is no guarantee no matter how well things are going or how perfect the relationship is at some point....human nature designed humans to be just like any other animals out there...object ive: breed with as many as possible...lols

correction: i believe there is a specific breed of doves where a pair stays together til death due one or both apart...haha that's true love...unfortu nately human nature doesn't work that way for most people...lols

I agree.  I think human nature is pretty twisted.  We are all animals. If given the chance with no penalty, most people make stupid choices.  But, there are insightful people who will weigh everything and try to make careful choices... even if those choices sometimes don't end up going the way they want... because one can't control other people or the future.

Couples have to be like minded, have the same goals, want the same things, work well together, communicate well, comprise... if they are to make it long-term.

 ;D I disagree.
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: lilly on February 12, 2021, 12:24:59 AM
;D I disagree.

Well, don't leave us hanging.  Why do you disagree?   :)
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Visualmon on February 12, 2021, 02:23:44 AM
Well, don't leave us hanging.  Why do you disagree?   :)

I'mma keep y'all hanging a little while until I get my head clear up. My mind filled with anger and frustration. I'm fed up with my family's paranoia episodes.
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Visualmon on February 13, 2021, 11:09:24 PM
i expect a full article of enlightment given you left us hanging this long...otherwi se, i take it you're just another hater who disagrees just to disagree..lols

Dayum! Didn't know you're aching to know my disagreements. Don't act surprised 'n discourage when I open your eyes of what I'm about to reveal the truth. lol
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Visualmon on February 14, 2021, 03:39:11 AM
I'd wouldn't be surprise if you're just another flaker who never comes through...haha I was hoping someone has a better response than mines for our dear friend Lily...She deserves a much better response than mines....hahah a so don't flake out on her now...lols

(https://media.giphy.com/media/l3E6uhDAN3W7vylji/giphy.gif)

Didn't know you're uncivilized. Plz don't use her as a shield to upgrade your ego. There's nothing wrong with expressing my opinions. Everyone in PH are doing the same thing, hanging around as long as he/she ain't responding back. Am I right?   ;D :D
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: DuMa on February 15, 2021, 09:53:07 AM
We don't go into a relationship and say yep, this is the one. 

What usually happens is we gave each other a try and it usually takes one sides do the convincing as there is a viet phrase that goes  "bang long di em"  (google it if you want to fancy yourself) which translate by the guy pursuing,  please give in and give me a chance. 

Then the amazing thing happens.  You wasted your time getting comfortable with one another and before you know it, you will have to marry one another.  There you go, your one.....to some, your one for now   :2funny:

It is very rare that both party is happy to be with one another.  So if you do not fall into this category then you fall into the other category and with that, I shall ask you again.  Honestly now, do you really really think that the one you married is the one?  The short answer is no but comes with a rebuttable... "so what choices do I have"???   You guys are now married, have kids and are now stuck with one another.  Go make it work.

Well I got an update with the story of my hmong friend with that salon mn mistress.  I gotta go find that thread to entertain yall some more. 

Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: VillainousHero on February 21, 2021, 05:52:35 AM
The list of "the one" is full of nuances and subtleties that the ouroboros of life itself is a chicken egg theory in complexity of self reflection. 

I myself prefer the simplicity of "choice" and the 'freewill' of making that choice.  That in my self integrity of being a person of my word.  It's like fishing.  I can choose to go on my day off or not to go.  I cannot choose the weather.  I cannot choose if I'm feeling sick that day.  I cannot choose if my car breaks down.

I can choose to be happy and content with what I have.  I cannot have that other person make those choices for me.  I can choose the moment to be.  I cannot choose if the next moment will be.

Most important of all is having someone to share a life with.  If that "one" is not available, it's still life goes on. 
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Dok_Champa on February 22, 2021, 11:42:56 AM
OK, let's simplify ;D ;D ;D the ONE is the one that loves you and you love back.  End of story. :D :D
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: DuMa on March 06, 2021, 12:55:24 PM
Let me let you know what I am doing right now.  I been looking for the one for so long and every single one of them are not the one.  So if you are actively looking and can not find it, why not add some psychology into it shall we? 

How about if I go out there and looking for the wrong one instead?  Would that weed out the reverse negative and lead me to the one?  Looks good on paper huh? 

I will look for all the wrong ones and within that group, from wrong to right cuz she's special cuz she proves me wrong.   O0
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: VillainousHero on March 24, 2021, 01:29:06 AM
Yeah, I'm still looking for that "one" perfect fishing rod combo.  :2funny:
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Hunnaydew on April 04, 2021, 03:27:40 AM
I found that having similar values, being able to connect on a mental level and carry conversations effortlessly was the key for me. What’s important is being able to connect emotionally first, then sexual chemistry will work into that as icing on top.
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Tajo on April 06, 2021, 09:20:56 PM
How do i know my husband is the one.   He asked me to move in with him 730 times  2 straight years. 😂😂😂😂   
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: VillainousHero on April 07, 2021, 03:12:11 PM
 O0
How do i know my husband is the one.   He asked me to move in with him 730 times  2 straight years. 😂😂😂😂

Did you keep a little notebook with little chicken scratches in groups of fives?  ;D
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: VillainousHero on April 07, 2021, 03:16:53 PM
I found that having similar values, being able to connect on a mental level and carry conversations effortlessly was the key for me. What’s important is being able to connect emotionally first, then sexual chemistry will work into that as icing on top.

True,

As long as they ain't the one lying conning manipulator, etc.,..   :knuppel2:  I've been tricked before and again and again...
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Meestahh_Prince on April 21, 2021, 09:51:52 PM
I found that having similar values, being able to connect on a mental level and carry conversations effortlessly was the key for me. What’s important is being able to connect emotionally first, then sexual chemistry will work into that as icing on top.

I thought great sex comes first then all that emotional connection follows?     ;D
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: floaty on June 08, 2021, 04:33:11 PM
A lot of guys tells me they just know it in their guts. Bullsh...t because only their penis thinks for them.

Anyone can be the one.

A lot of females goes after character and personality and some goes after money. So it depends who you ask. Thailanders and hmoob nplog will feed you answers like you are sweet and everything i look for in a man/women. But their answer truly is "you are all the dollars of my heart and pocket" a golddigger will state the same as long as the moneys coming, huney you gonna be the one for a long time.


Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Dok_Champa on August 31, 2021, 12:08:27 PM
Ok, adding the details today:

1) golden heart, a MUST have
2) a Christian, loves God
3) Respects/treats/loves a woman just perfectly! He greets her first thing in the morning w/ his sugary words & flowers :D :D :D and give her kisses at night.  He never stops pleasing her because his goal is making her happy
4) Educated
5) AND worth a million bucks/priceless  :-* :-* :-*

*4 & 5 are pluses.

Ok :P

"Everyday I love You & You never live until you love w/ all your heart & soul"==>Powerful stuff here:) :)
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Clould on September 24, 2021, 12:52:14 AM
Trying to understand the psychology of men and women. 

MEN: How do you know if a woman is "the one" for you long-term?  Or, do most of you just "settle," even though she doesn't have all and everything that you truly want?  What are the "must haves" that qualify her to be "the one" for you?  Be really honest.

WOMEN: How do you know if a man is "the one" for you long-term?  Or, do most of you just "settle," even though he doesn't have all and everything that you truly want?  What are the "must haves" that qualify him to be "the one" for you?  Be really honest.

I don't think you truly know that she is the one. It is just a feeling you have that you hold deep inside and very close to you. The feeling that everything just fall into place when you are with her. She makes your world better and more beautiful. She makes you smile and brings a sense of calmness to you.  Yes, we must share a lot of the important things in common. Things such as our values and the way we perceive important issues. Issues, such as family (raising and caring for both our nuclear and extended family), what we want out of life, how we see and deal with wealth, so forth.
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Clould on September 24, 2021, 01:01:30 AM
Ok, adding the details today:

1) golden heart, a MUST have
2) a Christian, loves God
3) Respects/treats/loves a woman just perfectly! He greets her first thing in the morning w/ his sugary words & flowers :D :D :D and give her kisses at night.  He never stops pleasing her because his goal is making her happy
4) Educated
5) AND worth a million bucks/priceless  :-* :-* :-*

*4 & 5 are pluses.

Ok :P

"Everyday I love You & You never live until you love w/ all your heart & soul"==>Powerful stuff here:) :)

# 3 seems a little uneasy for me because it reminds me a lot of a player. A lot of guys would sincerely show their love for you in their own ways, but they would not necessary pleased you like in a movie on a daily basis. On the other hand, a player would do everything to please you because you are a goal for them to accomplish.
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: DuMa on September 24, 2021, 08:37:52 AM
Wouldn't it be easier to find "NOT The One" ?? 

So if you can't find fault to fail them then they must be the one   O0

Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Dok_Champa on September 24, 2021, 09:47:02 PM
I was just having fun w/ this thread..  Truth is, yes, the one is someone you love and loves you back.   
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: lilly on September 27, 2021, 09:47:26 AM
I was just having fun w/ this thread..  Truth is, yes, the one is someone you love and loves you back.

True.  "The one" is someone you love who loves you back, who makes you happy by communicating effectively with you, who compromises on differences, who takes action to show you they truly care about you.  Because love alone is not enough.
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Visualmon on September 28, 2021, 06:55:35 PM
I don't believe in "the one". 
Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Believe_N_Me on June 28, 2022, 07:09:35 AM
You do and you don't.




Title: Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"
Post by: Believe_N_Me on September 05, 2022, 02:15:14 AM
I want to revisit this thread. The truth is, the men I've dated and even the husband have always treated me very well with kind words, respect, and actions that match words. However, these relationships all have a shelf-life.

So to say that you can tell it's "the one" based on feelings, values, compatibility, etc. etc. I disagree because I had and currently have all those things - BUT I STILL CAN'T SAY THAT I'M WITH "THE ONE" since I still have some years ahead of me. Who knows what the husband might pull. And I gotta give the husband credit. He's as best as they come. If there was a picture under "perfect husband", it would be a picture of the husband. And even I can't guarantee that it's going to last forever.

"The one" is the one whom you're willing to take a risk and love without knowing what he might possibly do in the future. 

So pick someone and make him "the one" because that is what real, true, and mature love is.

If I can just live in relative peace until the day I expire then that man is not only "the one" but the love of my life and the greatest of all of them.