PebHmong Discussion Forum
Relationship => Marriage & Family Life => Topic started by: Luna on January 31, 2019, 01:35:35 AM
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We live far away from my side of the family and I rarely get to see my family but oldest sister and I talked for hours today as we looked back at our life. She has so many regrets and sorrows in life. Although I've made so many dumb mistakes, I don't regret any of them. They are what has lead me to where I am today. I wouldn't be where I am have I not made those mistakes which drove me to better myself. Her regrets all seem to stem from losing our mother and getting married early to get away. I wish she can see the amazing life ahead of her instead of dwelling on a life that has already past us by. I wonder how many others are regretful of not just the life they have lived, but the life they are living now? How can you make someone see the greatness that surrounds them?
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Reflecting on your regrets is wise, in sense that you don't make the same mistake again and/or prevent your children from doing the same things you've done, that will set them back (such as not going to school, getting higher education, pregnancy to early marriage). you cannot make one to recognize the positives in their life, they'll have to realize it themselves.
the only thing for one to khuv xim is that they tsis tau deev! ha!
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Reflecting on past choices/decisions can have a profound effect on a person's life, positively or negatively, going forward. In life's journey, we are given NO blueprint to follow. It is up to us how we wanted to charter our path and to make the best decisions in our interest. Your sister need someone like you to comfort her mistakes and perhaps, offer her some words of encouragements to move on. The past does not define the future....good luck.
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It's not all bad reflecting on the past decisions. The best is when you do that to realize how far you've come and what more you can do to propel you to a better place tomorrow. However, if she only dwells on regrets and see no rainbows, so to speak, you can only do and say so much. Only once she wants to change her mentality will she appreciate and see the greatness around.
That being said, have you consider she might be depressed? Not sure how long you have been trying to help her, but if available, maybe she needs to find a little professional help?
Anyhow, your sister is fortunate she has you to help her see better.
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Somehow this thread reminds me of all those May Vang stories....... on how, you don't know how good you got until it's gone.
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I wonder how many others are regretful of not just the life they have lived, but the life they are living now? How can you make someone see the greatness that surrounds them?
You can’t make someone see what they can’t or don’t want to see. You can only be there to encourage and support them until they are ready to change themselves and their perceptions. Remind them that they can’t change the past and they can’t tell what will happen in the future, but they can do something in the present that will affect that future, if they want to make things better.
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I was just thinking about something like this today.
What's in the past is in the past. Nothing we can say or do can change it. And like I just said, it's in the past. No need to regret anything.
Everyday is really a new day. What you did yesterday nobody cares and you shouldn't either.
Life really does keep moving on.
All you can control is really the here and now and what happens in the future.
Don't dwell on the past.
Also on that note like what I was thinking today, don't be afraid to do anything when the time comes whether it's embarrassing or you are too shy or too scared because that moment too will past and be in the past, after that moment has passed, no one will care about it either.
Live in the moment like the saying says.
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My biggest regret in life was...I didn't put myself first.
I was so dumb, I didn't realize I was super smart,...,didn't use any brain power. I was doing multiplication by age of 5 and solving for X and Y by age of 8, without ever being taught nor realizing.
I was so stupid, I didn't realize I was super strong...shoul d've put that 1200+ lbs of leg pressing strength to a real world record pursuit, running 5 sets of 10 reps.
I was so lazy, I shouldn't had spent my last three years in high school sleeping through classes. I always wake up to a class where I didn't recognize who my classmates were. Beats me how I was able to get on the right bus to get home everyday.
Most of all, my biggest regret is...I have no regrets...I have no memory, exactly of how I remembered all of the above just recently. I had no memories...non e, didn't even knew who I was. I relied on people to tell me who I was...but the only people who could've really tell me, aren't even anywhere around to tell me...What's it feel like to just be an adventure of new experience just to walk down the street...When I was in a coma, I lived a different life. When I woke up to this world, everything seemed fake. By that people seemed fake is what I sensed.
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Regrets are part of life. I realized in my experiences that regretting to do something you've already done isn't as regretful as regretting NOT doing something when that opportunity popped up and missing it.
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My biggest regret in life was...I didn't put myself first.
I was so dumb, I didn't realize I was super smart,...,didn't use any brain power. I was doing multiplication by age of 5 and solving for X and Y by age of 8, without ever being taught nor realizing.
:2funny: :2funny:
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I think my sister regret isn't her family directly but the fact that all of us younger siblings waited to get married so we were in a different phase of our life. We had our fun, and explored the world. She was the first in our family to marry and had kids right away. Even now with children of my own, my family moves around depending on my husband's job and can afford to take our children to different places. It wasn't as visible when we were younger, but now everyone is growing up and establishing themselves so you can see the differences. Everyone tries to be encouraging and we invite her on trips but it's sad to see her despair. We've all taken turns to help pay for her airfare but after awhile, our own husbands start questioning us. I feel sorry for her, so it's hard for my to share my own happiness when I'm around her.
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Regrets are like the past, nice to visit once is a long time but you shouldn't live there.
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Regrets are like the past, nice to visit once is a long time but you should live there .
*** Scratch head ***
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Maybe typo. :P
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How old is your sister and was she the oldest?
Tell her that if she doesn't start living in the present and do something now to change the course of her life then she'll only regret it 5-10 years from now.
What I notice about those with a lot of regret is that they don't live in the present. They will spend the next years complaining about what they should've done today.
If she wants a better job with better pay then go out and get some skills. Better yet, network. If she wants to travel more, start saving today.
Set goals, write down an action plan, and start implementing them.
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Maybe typo. :P
Shouldn't ** typo!
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Shouldn't ** typo!
LOL...I no nothing. >:D