PebHmong Discussion Forum
Relationship => General Relationship => Topic started by: bloggersdigest on March 07, 2018, 11:33:41 AM
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I know I am not perfect.
I have my flaws. I am short tempered, I get upset easily, sometimes when I am really angry I will cry.
I can somewhat be controlling towards those I care about. I tend to dominate in my relationship and I can be very independent.
I am not sure if I am just at an emotional state of if I am really at my wits end.
My significant other and I have not been on good terms.
The other week he lied again (3rd time) now about going to work.
Instead he called in because he wanted to play video games with his friends.
I may have sort of blew up a bit, yelled at him and threw his console at the wall (it didn't break for those of you wondering.)
I then abruptly left to his sister's house. She had nothing to say or to know what to say.
My significant other and I have talked here and there and I told him how I felt and would appreciate it if he not game if I was home with him. Now one week later we are back to square one. He will consistently ask over and over to game even after I said no. I told him after what he did and has been doing there is no need for him to game all the time everyday. I got so annoyed with him last night that I hid his controllers from him and told him he could sleep on the couch with his console. He called me childish. I get some of the things I did is pretty unfair, but I am sick of his child-ish behaviors. Besides the fact of him helping out here and there. He often won't do anything without being told to. Just some examples are, if he sees anything lying on the ground, he won't pick it up unless told to do so. He won't cut the grass without being told to. When it snows he will only plow or shovel if he feels the need to while to me when it snows and I know it's going to get more, I will go out the night of the snow fall and brush off the cars and plow so that there is less snow in the morning. He does not know how to cook and waits for me (doesn't surprise me.) He will get off work and come home and stay in the same clothes all day long. I recently got a gym membership and thought it would be healthy and good for the two of us to get out and work out a few days a week and keep in shape. He complains to me he does not need to work out and feels like he's fine the way he is. It's not like he's morbidly over weight, neither am I. I guess I just feel like it's nice going to the gym with a companion. I have tried going alone, but I think he feels guilty so he just goes with me. When he does he will barely do anything and will keep telling me there's no point. I know I am complaining a lot about him which does not make me any better, but what can I do at this point. Sure I have the option to leave, but how do you leave someone you are so invested in? We bought a house together. We have no kids, just one dog. I love his family and he appreciates mine. I know this is going to sound really bad, but there are times when I wish he would just cheat on me so that we can finally go our separates ways. Why not cheat on him myself?
Well that is cause I don't want to nor have I ever thought of that. That is something I believe he does not deserve. He's not physical, or verbally abusive. He just does childish things and often does things without thinking first. People say he's still a kid and needs to grow up... But c'mon 6+ years of being together and 2+ years (I know it's not a lot) of being married and he's still childish?! Some will say Men never grow up, but how much more child-ish are you going to be?
I know this is petty little things that I should not leave him for, but at the same time I don't know what to do anymore.
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We have no kids, just one dog.
It sure seems like you have a kid, and he sounds like a big lazy, irresponsible crybaby.
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It sure seems like you have a kid, and he sounds like a big lazy, irresponsible crybaby.
Sometimes it does feel like I have two kids.. Sigh* :-\
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Sometimes it does feel like I have two kids.. Sigh* :-\
Just wait til you have a real baby. :)
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Seems like he has a video game addiction. He needs to overcome that before he can start noticing other stuffs/responsibilities around him. This doesn't mean stop playing video game but play responsibly. Yes, the challenge is how do you make him do that. He's a grown man and some old habits are hard to break. I suppose, bottom line, he has to want to change for change to occur. Your job is - give him the motivation to want to make a change. I think that's it. Good luck.
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Just wait til you have a real baby. :)
Not going to happen at this rate.
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hey, can you ask him if he wants to buy a nintendo switch?? hahaha
Hhaha good one :2funny:
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Seems like he has a video game addiction. He needs to overcome that before he can start noticing other stuffs/responsibilities around him. This doesn't mean stop playing video game but play responsibly. Yes, the challenge is how do you make him do that. He's a grown man and some old habits are hard to break. I suppose, bottom line, he has to want to change for change to occur. Your job is - give him the motivation to want to make a change. I think that's it. Good luck.
He can't responsibly. At first we agreed on, how many hours we are at the gym is how many hours he can play. That went out the window cause it got to a point of "In a minute, in a minute." every time it was time to get off or leave. He will always want to change for the time being cause he thinks that will make me happy, then within a week or two... Things are back to the way they are. How can I give someone motivation to change when they don't seem to be willing to change period?
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I know I am not perfect.
I have my flaws. I am short tempered, I get upset easily, sometimes when I am really angry I will cry.
I can somewhat be controlling towards those I care about. I tend to dominate in my relationship and I can be very independent.
I am not sure if I am just at an emotional state of if I am really at my wits end.
My significant other and I have not been on good terms.
The other week he lied again (3rd time) now about going to work.
Instead he called in because he wanted to play video games with his friends.
I may have sort of blew up a bit, yelled at him and threw his console at the wall (it didn't break for those of you wondering.)
I then abruptly left to his sister's house. She had nothing to say or to know what to say.
My significant other and I have talked here and there and I told him how I felt and would appreciate it if he not game if I was home with him. Now one week later we are back to square one. He will consistently ask over and over to game even after I said no. I told him after what he did and has been doing there is no need for him to game all the time everyday. I got so annoyed with him last night that I hid his controllers from him and told him he could sleep on the couch with his console. He called me childish. I get some of the things I did is pretty unfair, but I am sick of his child-ish behaviors. Besides the fact of him helping out here and there. He often won't do anything without being told to. Just some examples are, if he sees anything lying on the ground, he won't pick it up unless told to do so. He won't cut the grass without being told to. When it snows he will only plow or shovel if he feels the need to while to me when it snows and I know it's going to get more, I will go out the night of the snow fall and brush off the cars and plow so that there is less snow in the morning. He does not know how to cook and waits for me (doesn't surprise me.) He will get off work and come home and stay in the same clothes all day long. I recently got a gym membership and thought it would be healthy and good for the two of us to get out and work out a few days a week and keep in shape. He complains to me he does not need to work out and feels like he's fine the way he is. It's not like he's morbidly over weight, neither am I. I guess I just feel like it's nice going to the gym with a companion. I have tried going alone, but I think he feels guilty so he just goes with me. When he does he will barely do anything and will keep telling me there's no point. I know I am complaining a lot about him which does not make me any better, but what can I do at this point. Sure I have the option to leave, but how do you leave someone you are so invested in? We bought a house together. We have no kids, just one dog. I love his family and he appreciates mine. I know this is going to sound really bad, but there are times when I wish he would just cheat on me so that we can finally go our separates ways. Why not cheat on him myself?
Well that is cause I don't want to nor have I ever thought of that. That is something I believe he does not deserve. He's not physical, or verbally abusive. He just does childish things and often does things without thinking first. People say he's still a kid and needs to grow up... But c'mon 6+ years of being together and 2+ years (I know it's not a lot) of being married and he's still childish?! Some will say Men never grow up, but how much more child-ish are you going to be?
I know this is petty little things that I should not leave him for, but at the same time I don't know what to do anymore.
you didn't leave him for the last incident he pulled off stealing money from your family to buy a car? now you want him to cheat on you so you can leave? :o
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a man should be allowed to have his free time, just as long as he's meeting the other important needs, such as holding a job, paying the bills and maintaining a respectable life. his gaming addiction is 100 times better than drugs/alcohol and/or other overly expensive hobbies. he may have lied but it wasn't because he had a side chick...sure you can be mad but make sure your anger matches the reasoning (punishment matching the crime, per se).
another word of advice, don't wish for things you can't handle, he just might make your wishes come true.
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I know I am not perfect.
I have my flaws. I am short tempered, I get upset easily, sometimes when I am really angry I will cry.
I can somewhat be controlling towards those I care about. I tend to dominate in my relationship and I can be very independent.
I am not sure if I am just at an emotional state of if I am really at my wits end.
My significant other and I have not been on good terms.
The other week he lied again (3rd time) now about going to work.
Instead he called in because he wanted to play video games with his friends.
I may have sort of blew up a bit, yelled at him and threw his console at the wall (it didn't break for those of you wondering.)
I then abruptly left to his sister's house. She had nothing to say or to know what to say.
My significant other and I have talked here and there and I told him how I felt and would appreciate it if he not game if I was home with him. Now one week later we are back to square one. He will consistently ask over and over to game even after I said no. I told him after what he did and has been doing there is no need for him to game all the time everyday. I got so annoyed with him last night that I hid his controllers from him and told him he could sleep on the couch with his console. He called me childish. I get some of the things I did is pretty unfair, but I am sick of his child-ish behaviors. Besides the fact of him helping out here and there. He often won't do anything without being told to. Just some examples are, if he sees anything lying on the ground, he won't pick it up unless told to do so. He won't cut the grass without being told to. When it snows he will only plow or shovel if he feels the need to while to me when it snows and I know it's going to get more, I will go out the night of the snow fall and brush off the cars and plow so that there is less snow in the morning. He does not know how to cook and waits for me (doesn't surprise me.) He will get off work and come home and stay in the same clothes all day long. I recently got a gym membership and thought it would be healthy and good for the two of us to get out and work out a few days a week and keep in shape. He complains to me he does not need to work out and feels like he's fine the way he is. It's not like he's morbidly over weight, neither am I. I guess I just feel like it's nice going to the gym with a companion. I have tried going alone, but I think he feels guilty so he just goes with me. When he does he will barely do anything and will keep telling me there's no point. I know I am complaining a lot about him which does not make me any better, but what can I do at this point. Sure I have the option to leave, but how do you leave someone you are so invested in? We bought a house together. We have no kids, just one dog. I love his family and he appreciates mine. I know this is going to sound really bad, but there are times when I wish he would just cheat on me so that we can finally go our separates ways. Why not cheat on him myself?
Well that is cause I don't want to nor have I ever thought of that. That is something I believe he does not deserve. He's not physical, or verbally abusive. He just does childish things and often does things without thinking first. People say he's still a kid and needs to grow up... But c'mon 6+ years of being together and 2+ years (I know it's not a lot) of being married and he's still childish?! Some will say Men never grow up, but how much more child-ish are you going to be?
I know this is petty little things that I should not leave him for, but at the same time I don't know what to do anymore.
i was once in your shoes at a very young age. i don't know how old you are but for me, after leaving it was hard and very emotional. but i will say that it was the best decision i ever made in my life. our choices makes us who we are. i made the choice that would make me happy in the end, i hope you do also.
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Umm...
It's not petty little things...
I was talking to this girl once...
Not talking like dating... but just talking as in talking...
She was telling me about her bf at the time...
And he's kinda the same way... play games all the time and is kinda messy etc etc..
and I told her... little things like that can break a relationship and marriage(she was going to get married to him at the time)
If stuff like that already bother's her during the dating process... you know it's going to bother alot more during marriage..
At the end of the day, you two just aren't compatible. You love or now it sees like you're more invested in him than he is in you. Is there even love there? I also know how it is, becuase he doesn't realize it but he's taking it for granted that you're always going to be there, that you'll never leave, more like the thought of you not being there with him never crossed his mind.
And also, you two's value's aren't compatible. Obviously it bothers you. I aint telling you to get a divorce and date me but.......
I work out all the time(when I'm not sick or just can't make the time) we can work out together! I'm not going to complain! I would love a work out buddie!
I can cook my own food! It's not tastey but I can feed myself! If I'm hungry, I'm not going to wait on my wife to cook for me! I make scrable eggs and use the rice cooker pretty good.
I too like a clean house, not messy and upkept!
And if there's snow?!?! we're moving south! I did live in chicago for a while and I know how to deal with snow.
Anyways on a serious note, you two's value's aren't compatible. And no, those are small petty things.
And I want you to know... guys really don't change..
They are how they are...
you gotta ask yourself, are you going to be happy with dealing with that year after year?
I got a story, I have younger brothers... I guess they never understood or knew the concept of having a clean house...
This was when we was little.. I'm like 10 years older than them...
anyways, they was making a mess, my two younger brothers... I told them to clean up! and I was mad.. I just didnt like seeing all that mess, what they were doing was just cutting papers..
So then I thought I would just be messy like them so maybe they would be fed up with all the mess too and start to clean up..
So I took alot of paper and started cutting them and throwing them everywhere... they just looked at me like I was crazy and the didn't mind the mess at all.
To this day, one of brother is still messy.. when I go visit him, his bedroom is atrocious! My other brother, he's married now and has kids and prior to that he went a different path in life and he's actually not messy.
So yeah ladies! be picky! Be careful who you choose! All those little knick knacks during dating that you didn't think would bother you and you thought you could deal with later on or fix... it will still be there after marriage and it will actually bother you.
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a man should be allowed to have his free time, just as long as he's meeting the other important needs, such as holding a job, paying the bills and maintaining a respectable life. his gaming addiction is 100 times better than drugs/alcohol and/or other overly expensive hobbies. he may have lied but it wasn't because he had a side chick...sure you can be mad but make sure your anger matches the reasoning (punishment matching the crime, per se).
another word of advice, don't wish for things you can't handle, he just might make your wishes come true.
I never liked that type or rationalizatio n "gaming is better than drugs" or the generic "he could be doing something else worst"...
This only goes to show you don't know women!
Little things like not listening to them is a big deal.
You can't and shouldn't rationalize and pretend things are "allright" if it doesn't sit well with you, it will always bother you, trust me! I know!
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He can't responsibly. At first we agreed on, how many hours we are at the gym is how many hours he can play. That went out the window cause it got to a point of "In a minute, in a minute." every time it was time to get off or leave. He will always want to change for the time being cause he thinks that will make me happy, then within a week or two... Things are back to the way they are. How can I give someone motivation to change when they don't seem to be willing to change period?
Personally, when you have to make some deal like that with your man, especially about video games, just my personal opinion but... it's time to move on.
And honestly, it's kinda sad when it gets to the point where you have to have that kinda talk about having certain amount of hours, if he wasn't your husband or someone you was on good terms with, he'd probably be embarassed or ashamed a talk like that had to happen. But the thing is, he isn't even embarassed or ashamed a talk like that happened!
I outgrew video games after ps2.. I may play here and there but if I had a GF, I would never touch it! I bought a 360 and ps3 when they came out, never played it. Only played when my cousins and brothers were on.
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you didn't leave him for the last incident he pulled off stealing money from your family to buy a car? now you want him to cheat on you so you can leave? :o
Because at this point he has not done anything worse than the stealing.
Yes that was bad enough as it is, but he's somewhat learned from it... Or at least I would like to think he has...
He knows very well that all that is left is for him to do is either be verbally and physically abusive and/or to cheat.
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Personally, when you have to make some deal like that with your man, especially about video games, just my personal opinion but... it's time to move on.
And honestly, it's kinda sad when it gets to the point where you have to have that kinda talk about having certain amount of hours, if he wasn't your husband or someone you was on good terms with, he'd probably be embarassed or ashamed a talk like that had to happen. But the thing is, he isn't even embarassed or ashamed a talk like that happened!
I outgrew video games after ps2.. I may play here and there but if I had a GF, I would never touch it! I bought a 360 and ps3 when they came out, never played it. Only played when my cousins and brothers were on.
He is not. Quite frankly he tells his friends or they hear about it and all wonder why and assume I am a haha and question why he let's me do that. Little do they know his priorities are messed up and majority of them are not married so they wouldn't get it. They are all single and still live with their parents (no offense to anyone who's single and living with parents.) I don't think he's really comprehending why I do what I do and that he's married... Things are different when you are married.
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a man should be allowed to have his free time, just as long as he's meeting the other important needs, such as holding a job, paying the bills and maintaining a respectable life. his gaming addiction is 100 times better than drugs/alcohol and/or other overly expensive hobbies. he may have lied but it wasn't because he had a side chick...sure you can be mad but make sure your anger matches the reasoning (punishment matching the crime, per se).
another word of advice, don't wish for things you can't handle, he just might make your wishes come true.
He's not. He calls into work cause he wants to stay home and play game. He has no PTO. So that's him taking a cut out of his paycheck just to be home and game. That day he decided to call into work and game was when we were hit with a huge snow storm. I only found out he was home all day gaming cause, one he was home early, and two the car and driveway was still pilled with snow. His car obviously was not moved as there was snow all on it and around it.
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Because at this point he has not done anything worse than the stealing.
Yes that was bad enough as it is, but he's somewhat learned from it... Or at least I would like to think he has...
He knows very well that all that is left is for him to do is either be verbally and physically abusive and/or to cheat.
Oh snaps!
This the same couple?!!? I remember you now!!!
Aww man... you should've left him a long time ago honey!
This guy is no good!
Your man's the man that stole the money to buy car parts right?!
That's trash.
You need to leave him!
you'll regret it if you stay!
You'll regret it even more if you have a kid!
Becuase when you have a kid it'll make it really hard for you to decide to stay and if you do, you'll be miserable! and if you do decide to get a divoce, it's going to be tough for you to find a man becuase usually a woman(and even men) with kids find it hard to get a good guy or girl unless they have kids themselves.
Do yourself a favor and cut your losses..
You're already unhappy!
I understand it's hard to let go and scary to move on.. you been together for so long you don't or wouldn't know how to function being single..
But you know what? Look at it this way.. and I tell myself too... "I was doing fine when I was single.. I should be just fine if I become single agian"...and you know what? You will be just fine!
If you get the house? It's ok, default on the loan, yeah you get bad credit but you can always buidl it up! But it won't happen becuase you're probably the breadwinner and paying for the house anyways!
Or sell the house, or rent it out, etc etc etc.. the thing is, yes life is scary especially when you there's finacial things involved but you'll be ok! it'll work itself out!
I tell you what... my mom had this biggest loan.. it was over 100k.. recently turned single mom, you know the story.. same ole story... anyways... I worried for her and for us as a family... why? Well everyone's moving on living their life and here's mom stuck with this big loan.. working her little factory job making only a little over 300 bucks a month trying to make payments... she had a plan, not the best, but she had a plan doing the best she could do, I was unhelpful becuase I was a jobless son!! Anyways she said she has a bank she can go to refinance to get the payments low enough for her to pay monthly. We go to her "bank".. it's one of those finance bank that's actually loan sharks, I just didn't know what to say or do, the apr was like 27 percent, something rediculously high, I just remember thinking to myself my mom can make payments for the rest of her life till the day she dies and it'll never be paid off!
But we was in a bind, what was we going to do?!!?
I felt so bad, I know my mom had to be so scared, but she was like "we just slowly pay a little by little"...
I was scared for her too! and me!
anyways! something happened and we just ended up paying 30k for everything to be honest and now she's debt free! At that time I was not a jobless son anymore and could pitch in.
But see things will work out! You just can't be scared!
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i was once in your shoes at a very young age. i don't know how old you are but for me, after leaving it was hard and very emotional. but i will say that it was the best decision i ever made in my life. our choices makes us who we are. i made the choice that would make me happy in the end, i hope you do also.
I know it's going to be hard and emotional.. I also feel like if I were to leave. I would be the one at fault and the one whom ruined it all. It' sucks and I shouldn't think this, but its why I did at one point just wish he would cheat on me so I could leave. No one should wish on something they can't handle and no one should use this as an excuse to leave either, but idk I just have a lot running through my head at this point.
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He is not. Quite frankly he tells his friends or they hear about it and all wonder why and assume I am a haha and question why he let's me do that. Little do they know his priorities are messed up and majority of them are not married so they wouldn't get it. They are all single and still live with their parents (no offense to anyone who's single and living with parents.) I don't think he's really comprehending why I do what I do and that he's married... Things are different when you are married.
Reading this, kinda remind me of a story..
and it kinda could be considered advice to you too..
Anyways! Story first! Advice or something for you to read and take whatever you can away from it.
I have a friend, he was telling me one day "that's why I hang out with you"... he said he likes to surround himself with people who are doing things, going places in life, good people, etc etc.. and he see's that I'm moving towards something good in my life, I'm someone who's actually going somewhere in life and that's why he hang out with me.
I'm actually not going anywhere in life right now, I'm as scrubby as the next person but I am kinda doing what he wanted to do...
But reading what you typed, you need to surround yourself with good people, as in people with goals, people who are doing something with their lives or share the same values and ethics as you, you should also look for a man who is the same way as well.
A man that surrounds himself with good people etc etc etc as I stated above..
That will make you happy. Plus you hang around with people like that, you start to be people like that.
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Umm...
It's not petty little things...
I was talking to this girl once...
Not talking like dating... but just talking as in talking...
She was telling me about her bf at the time...
And he's kinda the same way... play games all the time and is kinda messy etc etc..
and I told her... little things like that can break a relationship and marriage(she was going to get married to him at the time)
If stuff like that already bother's her during the dating process... you know it's going to bother alot more during marriage..
At the end of the day, you two just aren't compatible. You love or now it sees like you're more invested in him than he is in you. Is there even love there? I also know how it is, becuase he doesn't realize it but he's taking it for granted that you're always going to be there, that you'll never leave, more like the thought of you not being there with him never crossed his mind.
And also, you two's value's aren't compatible. Obviously it bothers you. I aint telling you to get a divorce and date me but.......
I work out all the time(when I'm not sick or just can't make the time) we can work out together! I'm not going to complain! I would love a work out buddie!
I can cook my own food! It's not tastey but I can feed myself! If I'm hungry, I'm not going to wait on my wife to cook for me! I make scrable eggs and use the rice cooker pretty good.
I too like a clean house, not messy and upkept!
And if there's snow?!?! we're moving south! I did live in chicago for a while and I know how to deal with snow.
Anyways on a serious note, you two's value's aren't compatible. And no, those are small petty things.
And I want you to know... guys really don't change..
They are how they are...
you gotta ask yourself, are you going to be happy with dealing with that year after year?
I got a story, I have younger brothers... I guess they never understood or knew the concept of having a clean house...
This was when we was little.. I'm like 10 years older than them...
anyways, they was making a mess, my two younger brothers... I told them to clean up! and I was mad.. I just didnt like seeing all that mess, what they were doing was just cutting papers..
So then I thought I would just be messy like them so maybe they would be fed up with all the mess too and start to clean up..
So I took alot of paper and started cutting them and throwing them everywhere... they just looked at me like I was crazy and the didn't mind the mess at all.
To this day, one of brother is still messy.. when I go visit him, his bedroom is atrocious! My other brother, he's married now and has kids and prior to that he went a different path in life and he's actually not messy.
So yeah ladies! be picky! Be careful who you choose! All those little knick knacks during dating that you didn't think would bother you and you thought you could deal with later on or fix... it will still be there after marriage and it will actually bother you.
I don't know about compatibility either, because we are indeed two very different people.
I don't think I would be able to handle someone similar to me. Reason being is I can be very stubborn.
I know I am not perfect either, but is it so wrong to want to best from someone? Sigh, a part of me wants to leave and a part of me is hoping he will change. He has over time little by little...
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I never liked that type or rationalizatio n "gaming is better than drugs" or the generic "he could be doing something else worst"...
This only goes to show you don't know women!
Little things like not listening to them is a big deal.
You can't and shouldn't rationalize and pretend things are "allright" if it doesn't sit well with you, it will always bother you, trust me! I know!
Agreed, I am honestly sick of hearing the whole "Well at least he's not drinking, doing drugs or f*cking other girls."
I get that ok! But does not make it any better that, that gives him an excuse to be home, gaming and be childish.... SMH...
Just because your are faithful does not mean you can now play games all the time and be a complete child when you are married
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Oh snaps!
This the same couple?!!? I remember you now!!!
Aww man... you should've left him a long time ago honey!
This guy is no good!
Your man's the man that stole the money to buy car parts right?!
That's trash.
You need to leave him!
you'll regret it if you stay!
You'll regret it even more if you have a kid!
Becuase when you have a kid it'll make it really hard for you to decide to stay and if you do, you'll be miserable! and if you do decide to get a divoce, it's going to be tough for you to find a man becuase usually a woman(and even men) with kids find it hard to get a good guy or girl unless they have kids themselves.
Do yourself a favor and cut your losses..
You're already unhappy!
I understand it's hard to let go and scary to move on.. you been together for so long you don't or wouldn't know how to function being single..
But you know what? Look at it this way.. and I tell myself too... "I was doing fine when I was single.. I should be just fine if I become single agian"...and you know what? You will be just fine!
If you get the house? It's ok, default on the loan, yeah you get bad credit but you can always buidl it up! But it won't happen becuase you're probably the breadwinner and paying for the house anyways!
Or sell the house, or rent it out, etc etc etc.. the thing is, yes life is scary especially when you there's finacial things involved but you'll be ok! it'll work itself out!
I tell you what... my mom had this biggest loan.. it was over 100k.. recently turned single mom, you know the story.. same ole story... anyways... I worried for her and for us as a family... why? Well everyone's moving on living their life and here's mom stuck with this big loan.. working her little factory job making only a little over 300 bucks a month trying to make payments... she had a plan, not the best, but she had a plan doing the best she could do, I was unhelpful becuase I was a jobless son!! Anyways she said she has a bank she can go to refinance to get the payments low enough for her to pay monthly. We go to her "bank".. it's one of those finance bank that's actually loan sharks, I just didn't know what to say or do, the apr was like 27 percent, something rediculously high, I just remember thinking to myself my mom can make payments for the rest of her life till the day she dies and it'll never be paid off!
But we was in a bind, what was we going to do?!!?
I felt so bad, I know my mom had to be so scared, but she was like "we just slowly pay a little by little"...
I was scared for her too! and me!
anyways! something happened and we just ended up paying 30k for everything to be honest and now she's debt free! At that time I was not a jobless son anymore and could pitch in.
But see things will work out! You just can't be scared!
Yeah, that was me.
The one who forgave him and moved on. Thankfully he is looking into selling his car. I think he somewhat got it when I told him he was living his life backwards. Only problem is. Of course it has not sold yet.
I chose to stay because we worked on things, or at least I thought we did... He changed his mindset when I told him why his life was backwards, but of course now this whole issue with him still acting like a kid and thinking if he does not game it's the end of the world.
He knows if we were to split the house would stay with me and he'd be the one to go out. I think the only part he can't agree upon is whom keeps the dog.
I don't worry much about the house, because if worse comes to worse... I would just have my other brother move in and help me pay. In the end of it all I know my brothers and Mom will be supportive or at least I would hope that they do. I know if we were to split, my dad would disown me and probably blame me.
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Look, I want you to not listen to all the advices about staying with him, he's not doing something bad, give him a chance, he will change, etc etc..
Don't listen to it.. why? because it obviously bother's you...I know the feeling, even if it's something as "insignificant" or "harmless" as gaming, if it bothers you, it'll always bother you!
Then you have to ask yourself, how long are you willing to wait?! Years?!?! So untill he completely changed you'll be waiting and you'll be upset.. and what if he never changes.. you'll always be upset!
For myself, I cannot go for years and years waiting and being miserable and uphappy and upset waiting for the change to happen.
Let's just admit it, right now, you're unhappy. Being unhappy is not a good feeling. You wake up, you're mad, before you go to sleep youre mad. It's not good for your mental health and well being!
It's no way for you to feel for years and years waiting!
I think you should leave! cut your losses now!
I'm pretty good with the lawnmower! Just better be one of those self propelled!
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Reading this, kinda remind me of a story..
and it kinda could be considered advice to you too..
Anyways! Story first! Advice or something for you to read and take whatever you can away from it.
I have a friend, he was telling me one day "that's why I hang out with you"... he said he likes to surround himself with people who are doing things, going places in life, good people, etc etc.. and he see's that I'm moving towards something good in my life, I'm someone who's actually going somewhere in life and that's why he hang out with me.
I'm actually not going anywhere in life right now, I'm as scrubby as the next person but I am kinda doing what he wanted to do...
But reading what you typed, you need to surround yourself with good people, as in people with goals, people who are doing something with their lives or share the same values and ethics as you, you should also look for a man who is the same way as well.
A man that surrounds himself with good people etc etc etc as I stated above..
That will make you happy. Plus you hang around with people like that, you start to be people like that.
I agree with what you said.
Majority of his friends that game are single.
Once they are all on, it's like nothing matters to him cause "The Whole Squads On!"
Every weekend he hopes that I have plans or I am gone so that he can game. It's quite sad tbh.
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Man!!!!!!!!!!!
don't worry about your dad!
You know, you're the star of your life!
Plus! does your dad know how your husband is?
If he does, he should be ashamed of him! I'm surprised your mom and dad aren't complaining about him and talking to your relatives about what a bad son-in-law he is! How he stole yalls money and stays home all day and play video games!
If I was you, I'd just be straight up with your mom and dad. This is still your life, don't suffer for the sake or your parent's approval or disapproval. At the end of the day, they aren't the one's suffering, they are moving and going on about their lives while you suffer if you do what pleases them. You'll be unhappy, is that what you really want?
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Look, I want you to not listen to all the advices about staying with him, he's not doing something bad, give him a chance, he will change, etc etc..
Don't listen to it.. why? because it obviously bother's you...I know the feeling, even if it's something as "insignificant" or "harmless" as gaming, if it bothers you, it'll always bother you!
Then you have to ask yourself, how long are you willing to wait?! Years?!?! So untill he completely changed you'll be waiting and you'll be upset.. and what if he never changes.. you'll always be upset!
For myself, I cannot go for years and years waiting and being miserable and uphappy and upset waiting for the change to happen.
Let's just admit it, right now, you're unhappy. Being unhappy is not a good feeling. You wake up, you're mad, before you go to sleep youre mad. It's not good for your mental health and well being!
It's no way for you to feel for years and years waiting!
I think you should leave! cut your losses now!
I'm pretty good with the lawnmower! Just better be one of those self propelled!
Yes I am unhappy.
Easier said then done to leave.....
I have had ups and downs with him.
I have been in worse relationships than him.
Sad, but I make excuses that he's really not all that bad, but in the end I am the one not happy.
Sadly, our lawn mower is not self propelled, but our land's flat! HAHA
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I agree with what you said.
Majority of his friends that game are single.
Once they are all on, it's like nothing matters to him cause "The Whole Squads On!"
Every weekend he hopes that I have plans or I am gone so that he can game. It's quite sad tbh.
I only wish I had a wife! We'd be doing things like... I don't know, but it wouldn't be gaming!
Nkaujsee won't hook me up!
nkaujsee! Stop blocking me!
that is actually pretty sad.. and you know what? You'll probably eventually get depressed. Don't let it get to that!
My younger brother.. he played video games... you wanna know the only reason he stopped? I was shocked to see him one day not playing video games when I went back to visit... I asked him how come he don't game no more? He said he's getting wrist problems and carpal tunnel..
so basically he probably would've never stopped if it wasn't for that.
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Man!!!!!!!!!!!
don't worry about your dad!
You know, you're the star of your life!
Plus! does your dad know how your husband is?
If he does, he should be ashamed of him! I'm surprised your mom and dad aren't complaining about him and talking to your relatives about what a bad son-in-law he is! How he stole yalls money and stays home all day and play video games!
If I was you, I'd just be straight up with your mom and dad. This is still your life, don't suffer for the sake or your parent's approval or disapproval. At the end of the day, they aren't the one's suffering, they are moving and going on about their lives while you suffer if you do what pleases them. You'll be unhappy, is that what you really want?
Yeah I know...
But hard not to when he was actually the one that helped us out a lot to begin with, from the wedding, closing the house and moving.
Yes my dad thinks he's an angel and I am a saint. No matter what I do in life, the men are always right. My dad is worse than my husband.
My mom knows how he is and she tells me to talk to his parents because it needs to come from his parents and not his in laws. I tell My Mom he's not one bit afraid of his parents. I think my Mom understands, but at the same time she knows how I am. I think she deeply inside wants to tell me it's ok and it's not as bad as I make it out to be cause she has had worse, but knowing how I am she doesn't say it but I know.
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Better relationships. .
Worst relationships. ..
Whats a relationship if you aren't happy?
Do you know how draining an unhappy relationship is? that's a feeling I can do without for sure! Like I said, you wake up mad! you go to sleep mad!
Have you ever been really happy? If you have, you'll never want to be unhappy!
Untill you experience the two.... I'm not sure you'll be able to break free.
I say, break free now.. .or else.. you're going to be back on here later in the future seeking advice.
And like I said, just be happy you don't have a kid yet. When you do, it's more complicated.
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I only wish I had a wife! We'd be doing things like... I don't know, but it wouldn't be gaming!
Nkaujsee won't hook me up!
nkaujsee! Stop blocking me!
that is actually pretty sad.. and you know what? You'll probably eventually get depressed. Don't let it get to that!
My younger brother.. he played video games... you wanna know the only reason he stopped? I was shocked to see him one day not playing video games when I went back to visit... I asked him how come he don't game no more? He said he's getting wrist problems and carpal tunnel..
so basically he probably would've never stopped if it wasn't for that.
I am slowly allowing it to get to that even though I don't intend to...
I am trying not to by still asking him to go to the gym and asking him to watch a tv show with me but there is little interest there.
I was hoping when I threw his console that it broke. Sadly, all it did was put a quarter size hole in the wall (Which he said he would patch, still hasn't) and took off the plastic covering on the console. He said it worked just fine.
I wonder what would have happened if I did indeed break it... :P
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Better relationships. .
Worst relationships. ..
Whats a relationship if you aren't happy?
Do you know how draining an unhappy relationship is? that's a feeling I can do without for sure! Like I said, you wake up mad! you go to sleep mad!
Have you ever been really happy? If you have, you'll never want to be unhappy!
Untill you experience the two.... I'm not sure you'll be able to break free.
I say, break free now.. .or else.. you're going to be back on here later in the future seeking advice.
And like I said, just be happy you don't have a kid yet. When you do, it's more complicated.
Yes I have,
I think we were truly happy when we were traveling and did not have any distraction.
Now that vacation and travel times over it's back to the ways things were. We
argue every few months about stupid things if not monthly.
It's sad, but I thank God I am not yet pregnant with a kid yet because I agree it would be hard.
He knows it's him being childish is also why I do not want a kid. He wants one, but to think... If you want a kid so bad why don't you change!!?!?!
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Yeah I know...
But hard not to when he was actually the one that helped us out a lot to begin with, from the wedding, closing the house and moving.
Yes my dad thinks he's an angel and I am a saint. No matter what I do in life, the men are always right. My dad is worse than my husband.
My mom knows how he is and she tells me to talk to his parents because it needs to come from his parents and not his in laws. I tell My Mom he's not one bit afraid of his parents. I think my Mom understands, but at the same time she knows how I am. I think she deeply inside wants to tell me it's ok and it's not as bad as I make it out to be cause she has had worse, but knowing how I am she doesn't say it but I know.
Look! I can't express this enough!
Do you know the feeling of happiness?!?
It is the best feeling in the world!
Life is just better when you're happy!!!
Yes your mom's may have had it worst..
but you're unhappy!!!! reguardless of the situation, better or wost... if you're unhappy, you're unhappy.
Ok, he's done good things in the past, but everyone's done good deeds in the past.. and it is to be appreciated and if he helped out financially it is to be appreciated and nodded for but... c'mon now.. now is now.. you are unhappy, tell yourself that he helped closing the house, does that make you happy now? Nope!
Look, every person that dissappoints will have done good deeds and been helpful... but at the end of the day, they still dissappoints..
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Well, I can't tell you anymore, you know where I stand!
If you wanna stay with him, go ahead, you're in for a long bumpy road. It's really going to wear you out mentally.
if you don't stay with him, I commend you! You'll be happier! y9ou're probably still young and can find a good person!
And if you look good and you break it off, you can pm me!
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Look! I can't express this enough!
Do you know the feeling of happiness?!?
It is the best feeling in the world!
Life is just better when you're happy!!!
Yes your mom's may have had it worst..
but you're unhappy!!!! reguardless of the situation, better or wost... if you're unhappy, you're unhappy.
Ok, he's done good things in the past, but everyone's done good deeds in the past.. and it is to be appreciated and if he helped out financially it is to be appreciated and nodded for but... c'mon now.. now is now.. you are unhappy, tell yourself that he helped closing the house, does that make you happy now? Nope!
Look, every person that dissappoints will have done good deeds and been helpful... but at the end of the day, they still dissappoints..
I know I am unhappy.
I have been dealing with it for the past week or so here, to the point I had no one to talk to that I cried myself to sleep
I lost a lot of close friends this past year, that already is a whole crap load all bunched into one...
I want to leave and I want to stay as stupid as it sounds. I may just be stupid for wanting to stay. A part of me is scared, scared I won't find anyone as patient and anyone whom is so understanding of me.
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Well, I can't tell you anymore, you know where I stand!
If you wanna stay with him, go ahead, you're in for a long bumpy road. It's really going to wear you out mentally.
if you don't stay with him, I commend you! You'll be happier! y9ou're probably still young and can find a good person!
And if you look good and you break it off, you can pm me!
Thank you!
Just needed to vent.... Guess we shall see what happens.
Call me stupid or not, sigh*
This will really test my patience..
Ouch, what if I am ugly with a good heart? :2funny:
Don't be so shallow
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Well you know, let me see that picture!
We'll figure something out!
You can talk to me, even though I might be trying to get into your pants..
I think I'm very understanding. .
Usually most of my relationship advices just comes from...
My relationship with work! Man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's the worst marriage ever...
I was thinking about it the other day how I need to start planning a divorce from it. It really is like a marriage and a lot of stuff can be related to work!
Anyways see ya! I gotta go to sleep!
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Thank you!
Just needed to vent.... Guess we shall see what happens.
Call me stupid or not, sigh*
This will really test my patience..
Ouch, what if I am ugly with a good heart? :2funny:
Don't be so shallow
Well hate to admit it but I am a bit shallow...
Just go to the gym and work out...
a hot body goes a long way you know!
I've been telling every one in here who has relationship issues or single issues the first thing they needa do is go to the gym and get a hot body and it'll solve a lot of their issues!
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Well you know, let me see that picture!
We'll figure something out!
You can talk to me, even though I might be trying to get into your pants..
I think I'm very understanding. .
Usually most of my relationship advices just comes from...
My relationship with work! Man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's the worst marriage ever...
I was thinking about it the other day how I need to start planning a divorce from it. It really is like a marriage and a lot of stuff can be related to work!
Anyways see ya! I gotta go to sleep!
HAHA good one, but sorry I'd like to stay anonymous
Don't most guys want to get into a Woman's pants, SMH....
Yeah I can seem similarities from work to marriage.
Thanks for listening, have a good sleep or night if it's night over there?
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Sister, every marriage has issue(s) - maybe not the same issue but still issue(s) nevertheless. Sure, you don't like his gaming but overall, is he a responsible person? Look at the big picture and don't focus on a single issue. People that love to do a certain thing will find an excuse every now and then to do it including missing work among other things. Look at people that loves to hunt, play sport, or whatever - they neglect their responsibility for the love of their hobby and spend big $$ too.
Most important, you've got a guy that loves you. You will find plenty of guys who meet your requirement but doesn't love you as him. Easy to fall in love but hard to find the one who truly loves you.
Finding love is harder than him getting rid of his game addiction. True to dat! You can make it work. Both of you just need to compromise, do a little give and take. One of you more than another in certain issue(s). Also, both of you are individual too - You have your individual passion,hobby, ....learn to find joy in respecting each other's love and passion as long as that does not take priority over your relationship.
Good luck!
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Well hate to admit it but I am a bit shallow...
Just go to the gym and work out...
a hot body goes a long way you know!
I've been telling every one in here who has relationship issues or single issues the first thing they needa do is go to the gym and get a hot body and it'll solve a lot of their issues!
Been at it for a month now.
Can't say I have a hot body, but to others being 5'3 and 140 lbs isn't even anything to be ashamed of. Not saying I am, but I am doing it for me a no one else, hence why I have been at it for a month now. Just needing to tone down.
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Sister, every marriage has issue(s) - maybe not the same issue but still issue(s) nevertheless. Sure, you don't like his gaming but overall, is he a responsible person? Look at the big picture and don't focus on a single issue. People that love to do a certain thing will find an excuse every now and then to do it including missing work among other things. Look at people that loves to hunt, play sport, or whatever - they neglect their responsibility for the love of their hobby and spend big $$ too.
Most important, you've got a guy that loves you. You will find plenty of guys who meet your requirement but doesn't love you as him. Easy to fall in love but hard to find the one who truly loves you.
Finding love is harder than him getting rid of his game addiction. True to dat! You can make it work. Both of you just need to compromise, do a little give and take. One of you more than another in certain issue(s). Also, both of you are individual too - You have your individual passion,hobby, ....learn to find joy in respecting each other's love and passion as long as that does not take priority over your relationship.
Good luck!
Yes I am aware every marriages have issues. I am aware I am somewhat lucky to an extent that he does not beat, or harm me physically or mentally. I am lucky he still somewhat listens to me when it comes to certain things. I am lucky he pretty much will support me in everything I do, just not financially because I am the bread winner in our family.
Yes, finding love may be harder than breaking him of his gaming addiction, but it's not just the gaming. It's also the fact he can not do anything without being told to. He still acts childish and does not know what his priorities are...
I did try to compromise, but that went down the drain. It's like he can say one thing and agree to another. Once that console is on nothing else around him matters.
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5'3 140 lbs is not bad.
That's good size!!
Don't listen to dok chapa!!
All these advices are good advices from these people and they mean well but they are not in your position..
I don't want to say they are forcing you into a direction you're already upset at... but they are. And trust me, you don't want that to happen.
For example...I'll type later.. I'm on my phone now...
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Your idea of the perfect man is obviously not him. In comparison to other people's husband, he surely is not the leave it to beaver guy.
Are you obligated to cry about it? Sure you may. Should you though? Well it depends on what do you value the most in a marriage. No married is perfect. It is these flaws that makes it unique. You can either learn how to deal with it or you can quit.
It is not like you did not see it coming. You had times in the dating phase to understand one another and that includes his habits. You bought it so you have yourself to thank as well.
I dunno. I'm salty against grown up people playing video games to a severe degree that it can have an effect on their marriage. It is like people lost touch with reality when they are in such zone that such habits becomes toxic to themselves and to the people around them.
A man can be a man child only if he knows his roles. If he can take care of business first, what he does on his free time is his own business. As long as it does not harm him or bother other people then it is a healthy combination.
I'm sorry but you are in a marriage or relationship where other people may say tisk tisk tisk. Like how they look at you and say, girl you can do a lot better.
Once again, you have your wants n needs. You want that hubby to make you better or at least fits your definition of a qualified husband.
I'm sorry but you lucked out. Leave or stay, up to you. I'd leave cuz I hate irresponsible gamers but that's just me.
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Been at it for a month now.
Can't say I have a hot body, but to others being 5'3 and 140 lbs isn't even anything to be ashamed of. Not saying I am, but I am doing it for me a no one else, hence why I have been at it for a month now. Just needing to tone down.
He's gay (from what others have told me and pointed out openly as well as based on his posts) and one of the more common traits of gay men is they like to keep themselves looking good due to the looks competition i.e., going to the gym, body hair waxing, etc.,...
Not that there's anything wrong with being gay or living that lifestyle as staying healthy is a good thing and some straight men are like that too, just more common in the gay community...I have gay friends, co-workers, and family members that I've encouraged them to be proud of who they are and have even supported their events like the Pride Parade in San Francisco...
So good to see you're doing it for yourself and no one else...living life trying to please others ain't much living imo.
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Your idea of the perfect man is obviously not him. In comparison to other people's husband, he surely is not the leave it to beaver guy.
Are you obligated to cry about it? Sure you may. Should you though? Well it depends on what do you value the most in a marriage. No married is perfect. It is these flaws that makes it unique. You can either learn how to deal with it or you can quit.
It is not like you did not see it coming. You had times in the dating phase to understand one another and that includes his habits. You bought it so you have yourself to thank as well.
I dunno. I'm salty against grown up people playing video games to a severe degree that it can have an effect on their marriage. It is like people lost touch with reality when they are in such zone that such habits becomes toxic to themselves and to the people around them.
A man can be a man child only if he knows his roles. If he can take care of business first, what he does on his free time is his own business. As long as it does not harm him or bother other people then it is a healthy combination.
I'm sorry but you are in a marriage or relationship where other people may say tisk tisk tisk. Like how they look at you and say, girl you can do a lot better.
Once again, you have your wants n needs. You want that hubby to make you better or at least fits your definition of a qualified husband.
I'm sorry but you lucked out. Leave or stay, up to you. I'd leave cuz I hate irresponsible gamers but that's just me.
He's has certain traits that does make him somewhat perfect, not "Perfect, Perfect!" but better than most.
Some things I value most is being valued, knowing I exist and not there to cater to all his needs and be a b*tch to him. I want to be able to rely on someone. Be able to count on him taking initiative without being told to do so. I value trust, honesty, communication and love.
Yes, during dating I had times I learned about his habits and yes I chose to marry him. At the same time I did not see how bad it was till we got married. When we were dating we weren't together all the time. When we hung out we were out doing things because we did not want to be at his house or mine. That meant dates, mall, park, etc... Now that we have a home, and also happen to be the only one in our friends to own a home... We often spend time home. Yea, I will try to get him to do things here and there, but often he complains or says he's tired.
Part of me does want to leave, but part of me wants to stay. I am fed up with what he's done and keeps doing, but at the same time is that sufficient enough to leave? To throw it all away? We and I are complicated and I am indecisive. It's like mixing water with oil.....
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He's gay (from what others have told me and pointed out openly as well as based on his posts) and one of the more common traits of gay men is they like to keep themselves looking good due to the looks competition i.e., going to the gym, body hair waxing, etc.,...
Not that there's anything wrong with being gay or living that lifestyle as staying healthy is a good thing and some straight men are like that too, just more common in the gay community...I have gay friends, co-workers, and family members that I've encouraged them to be proud of who they are and have even supported their events like the Pride Parade in San Francisco...
So good to see you're doing it for yourself and no one else...living life trying to please others ain't much living imo.
Who's gay? Or who are you referring to? ???
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Bloggerdigest: What you're going through is normal. The first 5 years of marriages are the toughest because it's the "make or break" period. You finally married and get to see the good, the bad, and the ugly side of a person and find ways to make it work. Some people throw in the towel because too much work while others keep at it, grow from it, and find a way to make it work. What you don't want to do is be an enabler. Let him see the consequences of not doing his part. Ex: Let the snow pile up, let the grass grow, etc... eventually he will start to see the value of his contribution or lack of.
Oh, don't listen to the Poster. He just want you to be part of the statistic so he can "mack" on you. Listen to someone who has yearssssssssss ssssssssssssss of experience:) - been there, done that.
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Alright let me throw in my 2 cents too.
All the guys have given stupid advice, especially the one who presumed that your hubby is gay LOL. Your hubby doesn't even like to work out...if anyone is keeping them self in good shape it's you so according to that guy's logic you would be the gay one. Haha anyway but seriously...
On the other hand, Dok_champa's advice seems the most mature and insightful. So I hope you give her a listen.
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Bloggerdigest: What you're going through is normal. The first 5 years of marriages are the toughest because it's the "make or break" period. You finally married and get to see the good, the bad, and the ugly side of a person and find ways to make it work. Some people throw in the towel because too much work while others keep at it, grow from it, and find a way to make it work. What you don't want to do is be an enabler. Let him see the consequences of not doing his part. Ex: Let the snow pile up, let the grass grow, etc... eventually he will start to see the value of his contribution or lack of.
Oh, don't listen to the Poster. He just want you to be part of the statistic so he can "mack" on you. Listen to someone who has yearssssssssss ssssssssssssss of experience:) - been there, done that.
That is the hard part, because I know there are more things to come, learn and grow from as it is still early in marriage....
But at the same time part of me is saying if he isn't going to change, why would he 5+ years from now.
I am still young and don't have a lot tying me down that I can't just get up leave and really focus on myself.
Some would say that is selfish, but at the same time I don't. I invested a lot into us already and part of me keeps saying it's ok, he's not as bad as others.
I know I still have a lot of learning. I am still in my early 20's, the majority of friends I have left now are into their late 20's to early 30's.
I can't be a kid and be the person whom just let's things pile up. It bugs me!
People can say, "Well if it bugs you then you do it yourself!"
Well that is not what marriage is about, it's about compromising and doing things that "adulting homeowners" should do.
For example, just the other night his older sister (My sister in law) called me. She and her husband got into an argument and she asked to stay at my house for a few nights. I told her it was fine to come over as she is always welcomed. I knew the guest bedroom was a mess as we tend to sometimes use that room as storage. So I asked him to help me clear things out and tidy it up a it. He got annoyed because I was already not letting him game. He then proceeded to say there is no point to cleaning it, it's just his sister coming over and that I didn't need to do it!
Just yesterday, on my way home from work...
His sister called me and asked if I would like to shadow her on her showings.
I am actually in the process of also getting my real estate license so I of course jumped on the opportunity.
I get home and get ready to go to the showings. He starts throwing a tantrum because I hid his controllers. I told him I am not in the right state to argue with him about it and he needs to drop it.
He proceeds to call me stupid for hiding his stuff and that if I am going to hide his game then I can not go shadow his sister at her showings. I ignore and tell him he does not need to game and that I am going with his sister to a show.
Anyways I am at the show and he blows up my phone asking about his controllers. I told him to stop it and that I do not want to argue over the phone. He told me to come home and that we can argue. I told him he does not need to game that he needed to grow up. There was plenty of things that he can get done in or around the house instead of gaming and he told me I was mean. Then told me that everyone already thinks that of me. Anyway fast forward... I come home to nothing being done of course. He's upstairs on his phone still in his work clothes. Pizza he fed his niece is still on the dinning table, his lunch bag was still on the counter full of his used tupper-ware, he didn't feed his dog the food I had bought and brought home before the showings, the rice that was on the counter was not cooked so not sure what he ate while I was gone.... I couldn't leave stuff un-kept so what did I do? I cleaned up, made dinner, loaded up the washer and still bothered to ask if he wanted to eat and to cook a second meal for him to pack to work.
I hate being an enabler and being the one to make him seem like he never has to worry about anything or me leaving. I can't not, not be the person who just doesn't care. I know my problem is caring too much! Sometimes I wish he would just know or experience what it's like to have to do everything on his own... Without his family and I.
Sorry for the life story, but yeah... I kinda figured hence one of the PH'ers did say send me a pic, if you cute we can talk and blah blah etc.
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Alright let me throw in my 2 cents too.
All the guys have given stupid advice, especially the one who presumed that your hubby is gay LOL. Your hubby doesn't even like to work out...if anyone is keeping them self in good shape it's you so according to that guy's logic you would be the gay one. Haha anyway but seriously...
On the other hand, Dok_champa's advice seems the most mature and insightful. So I hope you give her a listen.
Yeah that "gay" thing made me a bit confused cause if he was referring to my significant other for being gay then well hahaha that's far from it. Haha I joke with my husband from time to time asking if he is "gay" but I am almost certain my husband is not gay, HAHA!
Yeah I am trying to take in what everyone is saying and also just looking to get some things off my mind to people who don't know me :P
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My advice can either make or break you but it does sounds logical so hear me out.
I'm sensing that you are sexual frustrated. Him not wanting to hold n cater to you, instead he rather spends that love making time for his controller is making you feel neglected.
If I was closer to you, well I can be with a $300 air flight ticket, I would service you. Here is the best part. If he knows about me n you, he would straighten up his act. This man child of yours has you under control. He knows that he has no competition thus why he is not meeting you in the middle. He knows you are too weak to cheat or leave his thus. All this will give him tremendous power over you.
A good woman is a woman who has power. He may be the head of the house hold but you are the neck so you should turn his head.
You should try giving an ultimatum. He needs to know the severity of your seriousness. When I had mine, it woke me up cuz I don't want to lose her. She be like...if you become unemployed again, I am going to leave you. Although I'm not with her anymore, I held up my bargain by being employed cuz making money n buying women Victoria secret is my fetish.
A man will not change if he sees you as a tool. You have to be firm about it and in your 8 years with him, if he hears that you are going to leave him, he's going to change.
You don't have to get a divorce. Just take a time out by being separate but equal. Tell him you will not come back until he straighten out.
It is just a stupid game. I'll give it up for love. I'll just pick up another hobby to replace it. Pornography. Lol
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Look, I'm the only one in their right mind right now.
Like I said, alot of these "advices" are good and valid even "mature"...
Yeah they're all sensible and logical..
But listen to me! Not them! They aren't speaking from your shoes. I'm speaking from your shoes! They aren't speaking empathetically, I'm speaking empathetically . They don't know how you feel, even after you explained how you feel!
Like I said, you'll just regret it... how many years are you going to spend feeling the way you are today? That's no way to live life... that's no way to go through a marriage..
For example.. he don't shovel the snow... So every year and so forth, when winter comes, the first thing on your mind when you wake up is how the snow isn't going to get shoveled... that'll make you mad and like I said, drain you mentally..
It already is! I'm willing to bet when you get home, even before you get home, when it's close to quitting time at work you're already thinking about how the house is going to be a mess! And you probably think of that everyday! That's no way to live your life! That's not healthy! Not in my opinion! It's draining! Those kinda things will eat at you and you may even become a bitter person later in life..
I assume he's young too as you said you're young. Maybe he will change... who know's.. maybe, maybe not.. it is a bit too early, but like I said before, guys really don't change. They are who they are. If you think they changed, it's actually they gotten older and to lazy to do the things they use to do.
I know I couldn't put up with that from day in and day out.
Look, I have alot of brothers. I had two younger brother's who are gaming addicts.. and seeing them everyday on the computer's playing... from when I woke up, to when I went to sleep, coming back from doing something.. I see them on the computer playing games. It really drove me nuts! I'm sure it's doing the same to you too!
Yeah I might be trying to move in on you but! On a serious note, you gotta cut your losses.. if you listen to the advice from the other's who told you stay and give it a chance... and keep working on the marriage, blah blah marriage isn't easy, you have to work on it, etc etc... you're still going to be unhappy and in the same position and feeling the same way you do now years from now.
All the advice you are getting from those folks who are telling you that it's almost your fault and for you to not think the way you do and for you to be patient etc etc... they all remind me of those intervention back in the days with the old folks when they are talking to a young couple that just got married and there's problem. The wife is usually upset and mad etc etc etc or feel like she need help and hopefully the elders can step in and help(most of the time it's stuff like the husband hitting the wife, abusing her, cheating, etc etc)... and the wife is asking for help and hoping the elders can help and solve things or talk to the husband.. and especially if the wife want a divorce or go seperate ways the elders will "fix" things... and usually the say what all these folks are saying to you right now, they tell the wife to be patient, give it time, "oua siaj day" <--sound it out... she has no choice but to listen to them becuase now she feel like that's pretty much it! There's nothing more that can be done! And then you see later on that marriage the wife is still suffering... living a life she don't really care for or happy with. It's sad. The husband still is the same, abusing, cheating, being lazy, etc etc...
It's pretty sad, I've seen a few instances of this.. So when I read those advices from those other poster's, it just reminds me of those instances and it never works out well for the girl.
So i emplore you to listen to me! for your own sake! Your own happiness! Yes it's scared being single agian, you been together with someone for so long you don't know how'd you be or what to do if you were to be single and "alone" agian.. but you'll be fine! Just make sure I'm first on your list of guys to date!
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My advice can either make or break you but it does sounds logical so hear me out.
I'm sensing that you are sexual frustrated. Him not wanting to hold n cater to you, instead he rather spends that love making time for his controller is making you feel neglected.
If I was closer to you, well I can be with a $300 air flight ticket, I would service you. Here is the best part. If he knows about me n you, he would straighten up his act. This man child of yours has you under control. He knows that he has no competition thus why he is not meeting you in the middle. He knows you are too weak to cheat or leave his thus. All this will give him tremendous power over you.
A good woman is a woman who has power. He may be the head of the house hold but you are the neck so you should turn his head.
You should try giving an ultimatum. He needs to know the severity of your seriousness. When I had mine, it woke me up cuz I don't want to lose her. She be like...if you become unemployed again, I am going to leave you. Although I'm not with her anymore, I held up my bargain by being employed cuz making money n buying women Victoria secret is my fetish.
A man will not change if he sees you as a tool. You have to be firm about it and in your 8 years with him, if he hears that you are going to leave him, he's going to change.
You don't have to get a divorce. Just take a time out by being separate but equal. Tell him you will not come back until he straighten out.
It is just a stupid game. I'll give it up for love. I'll just pick up another hobby to replace it. Pornography. Lol
I am not sexually frustrated. I don't need him to cater to me necessarily... I need him to cater to us, our house, our future.
He's pretty much spending his time gaming with his friends or not wanting to do anything involving socializing outside the house if it does not mean gaming or gaming at his friends house.
I have given him ultimatums before. That was good for about a week then he goes back to his same self.
I have taken time away, not literally.... But I have ignored him, slept in separate rooms and kept myself occupied during the days such as going over to my Moms, going to his Sisters and etc. To him it didn't bother him cause he knows I am not stupid. He knows I am not going to do anything dumb. He knows I can take care of myself and he knows I will always come home to sleep at night whether it be in the same room he's sleeping in or not.
He isn't the head of house actually. Everyone and even he says I am the head of house and I am the one who wears the pants. I can admit to that. Why am I though? Because he gives me no choice but to be it!
I told him if he wanted to he could, but his idea of head of the house and mine are not the same clearly. His mindset of being a "man" isn't the same as mine and that is where we clash heads.
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Your game plan is still weak. Try a harsher dose.
I'd leave for years. Obviously he already got you covered. You are a week / weak lady. Just a week n you come crawling back is not a punishment.
Like my childhood friend. He gets into trouble, gets whopping by his dad n his dad would feel bad about it so $5 he gave him. He never learn anything about the lesson given cuz he knows how his father operates.
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Look, I'm the only one in their right mind right now.
Like I said, alot of these "advices" are good and valid even "mature"...
Yeah they're all sensible and logical..
But listen to me! Not them! They aren't speaking from your shoes. I'm speaking from your shoes! They aren't speaking empathetically, I'm speaking empathetically . They don't know how you feel, even after you explained how you feel!
Like I said, you'll just regret it... how many years are you going to spend feeling the way you are today? That's no way to live life... that's no way to go through a marriage..
For example.. he don't shovel the snow... So every year and so forth, when winter comes, the first thing on your mind when you wake up is how the snow isn't going to get shoveled... that'll make you mad and like I said, drain you mentally..
It already is! I'm willing to bet when you get home, even before you get home, when it's close to quitting time at work you're already thinking about how the house is going to be a mess! And you probably think of that everyday! That's no way to live your life! That's not healthy! Not in my opinion! It's draining! Those kinda things will eat at you and you may even become a bitter person later in life..
I assume he's young too as you said you're young. Maybe he will change... who know's.. maybe, maybe not.. it is a bit too early, but like I said before, guys really don't change. They are who they are. If you think they changed, it's actually they gotten older and to lazy to do the things they use to do.
I know I couldn't put up with that from day in and day out.
Look, I have alot of brothers. I had two younger brother's who are gaming addicts.. and seeing them everyday on the computer's playing... from when I woke up, to when I went to sleep, coming back from doing something.. I see them on the computer playing games. It really drove me nuts! I'm sure it's doing the same to you too!
Yeah I might be trying to move in on you but! On a serious note, you gotta cut your losses.. if you listen to the advice from the other's who told you stay and give it a chance... and keep working on the marriage, blah blah marriage isn't easy, you have to work on it, etc etc... you're still going to be unhappy and in the same position and feeling the same way you do now years from now.
All the advice you are getting from those folks who are telling you that it's almost your fault and for you to not think the way you do and for you to be patient etc etc... they all remind me of those intervention back in the days with the old folks when they are talking to a young couple that just got married and there's problem. The wife is usually upset and mad etc etc etc or feel like she need help and hopefully the elders can step in and help(most of the time it's stuff like the husband hitting the wife, abusing her, cheating, etc etc)... and the wife is asking for help and hoping the elders can help and solve things or talk to the husband.. and especially if the wife want a divorce or go seperate ways the elders will "fix" things... and usually the say what all these folks are saying to you right now, they tell the wife to be patient, give it time, "oua siaj day" <--sound it out... she has no choice but to listen to them becuase now she feel like that's pretty much it! There's nothing more that can be done! And then you see later on that marriage the wife is still suffering... living a life she don't really care for or happy with. It's sad. The husband still is the same, abusing, cheating, being lazy, etc etc...
It's pretty sad, I've seen a few instances of this.. So when I read those advices from those other poster's, it just reminds me of those instances and it never works out well for the girl.
So i emplore you to listen to me! for your own sake! Your own happiness! Yes it's scared being single agian, you been together with someone for so long you don't know how'd you be or what to do if you were to be single and "alone" agian.. but you'll be fine! Just make sure I'm first on your list of guys to date!
Ohhh boy, I am so sorry haha but besides little things here and there that I got from this... It all comes to you wanting a shot. :2funny:
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You know what? You came here with your drama and we gave you advices n all I see is you defending him.
If that's the case then sux to be you. I wouldn't be surprised if they are laughing at you right now.
I can solve this case in 2 seconds but takes me 10 for tougher cases like infidelity.
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Your game plan is still weak. Try a harsher dose.
I'd leave for years. Obviously he already got you covered. You are a week / weak lady. Just a week n you come crawling back is not a punishment.
Like my childhood friend. He gets into trouble, gets whopping by his dad n his dad would feel bad about it so $5 he gave him. He never learn anything about the lesson given cuz he knows how his father operates.
I suppose so, if you look it that way.
Yeah I guess I am weak. Why leave for years and come back though? If I am going to leave for years then I wouldn't want to come back..
I know you are going to say, well if you leave for only a week... Why leave in the first place?
I never left for a week. I tend to just give less sh*t then I do for a while till he starts apologizing and trying anything to sugar coat what he has done.
Stupid huh? I know.
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You know what? You came here with your drama and we gave you advices n all I see is you defending him.
If that's the case then sux to be you. I wouldn't be surprised if they are laughing at you right now.
I can solve this case in 2 seconds but takes me 10 for tougher cases like infidelity.
You could say yeah I am somewhat defending him.
He isn't all bad. I am not perfect and neither is he.
Yeah, at times it does suck to be me. I don't expect you or others to understand. I could care less about who's laughing tbh.
Like I said I am mostly here just to vent and listen to what other's have to say, is that so wrong..
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Of course I want a shot..
But seriously, your story, I've seen before and it's happened many a time with many of girls.
I'm just being honest with you.
I'm glad you're here and you can get a few laughs to lighten up your day and a break from what's going on home. come here more often!!!!!
I want my chance!!!!!
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Of course I want a shot..
But seriously, your story, I've seen before and it's happened many a time with many of girls.
I'm just being honest with you.
I'm glad you're here and you can get a few laughs to lighten up your day and a break from what's going on home. come here more often!!!!!
I want my chance!!!!!
HAHAHHAHAHAH
Hey, kudos for being honest I suppose.
Thanks, I am only here from time to time and clearly it's only here to vent and apparently I am well known already for the other "dramas" I have been posting.
Still married and can/can't complain much.
You don't know me, but thanks for I guess wanting a shot at what you don't know looks like or is like.
Guess we just all live for what the future holds.
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HAHAHHAHAHAH
Hey, kudos for being honest I suppose.
Thanks, I am only here from time to time and clearly it's only here to vent and apparently I am well known already for the other "dramas" I have been posting.
Still married and can/can't complain much.
You don't know me, but thanks for I guess wanting a shot at what you don't know looks like or is like.
Guess we just all live for what the future holds.
I'm actually more into personalities nowadays...
So.... Looks is cool too...
I like cute girls... are you cute?
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(https://sp.yimg.com/ib/th?id=OIP.OhD1gRUu0uVjaz3SujrWyQHaE7&pid=15.1&rs=1&c=1&qlt=95&w=164&h=109)
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I'm actually more into personalities nowadays...
So.... Looks is cool too...
I like cute girls... are you cute?
Hate to break it to you, but nope.
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(https://sp.yimg.com/ib/th?id=OIP.OhD1gRUu0uVjaz3SujrWyQHaE7&pid=15.1&rs=1&c=1&qlt=95&w=164&h=109)
(https://staffino.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/59349318.jpg)
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Aww man..
that's all I get?!!?
Cheezez!!!!
Well anyways, if you wanna talk. You know what to do.
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You cannot dictate someone's life, not that you are...but a lot of times the other person feels that's what's happening. You may think and feel you are a reasonable person but you cannot expect someone to think and feel like you do. Perhaps they already think and feel they are reasonable in many other ways towards you, yet you just haven't notice.
To throw things he love and enjoy, will not do you any favor. It's a sign of hate and it will continue to trigger you to do it more in the future with anything else he might love and enjoy doing. Once you've done it, it's so much more easier for you to do it again. You may not even realize how you are probably still continuing to destroy other things such as his morals, his mental health at work, and his tolerance for your behavior.
Learn to have patience and learn to control your temper. Compromise is a life long companion that you need to uphold until the end of your life with anyone and everyone, vice versa.
There are people who may tell you it is best to divorce and find someone who is better but you also need to look at their own lives if they are doing well. If they are doing well, what exactly are they doing that is healthy for themselves and their partner? What events had occur in their life that had made and break them to get to where they are at?
If you are close to his friends, invite them over and do something fun together. Get to know his friends and their hobbies, especially because you guys have no children yet. That way, you can start building a mutual relationship with them and they get to know the real you. Plus...them knowing you will also make them understand that maybe the things your s/o say is just a bunch of BS and they can help back you up during their "guy talk." Besides, knowing their gaming hobbies...you can learn to speak their nerdy game language and mock or humor your s/o from time to time. That may bring you guys closer and he may change himself because he see you've changed too.
/life
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Bloggerdigest: What you're going through is normal. The first 5 years of marriages are the toughest because it's the "make or break" period. You finally married and get to see the good, the bad, and the ugly side of a person and find ways to make it work. Some people throw in the towel because too much work while others keep at it, grow from it, and find a way to make it work. What you don't want to do is be an enabler. Let him see the consequences of not doing his part. Ex: Let the snow pile up, let the grass grow, etc... eventually he will start to see the value of his contribution or lack of.
Oh, don't listen to the Poster. He just want you to be part of the statistic so he can "mack" on you. Listen to someone who has yearssssssssss ssssssssssssss of experience:) - been there, done that.
not sure what kind of marriages you know but her situation is not normal. any kind of healthy relationship does not go that way. no marriage should have to list things as if, well at least he doesn't beat me, do drugs...etc :idiot2:
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not sure what kind of marriages you know but her situation is not normal. any kind of healthy relationship does not go that way. no marriage should have to list things as if, well at least he doesn't beat me, do drugs...etc :idiot2:
Thank you!
Finally someone who understands!
But did we disagree ealier?!
Anyways! Finally! Someone who can actually see what's going on and isn't the type that helps by not helping as in just saying stuff like "be patient, you're young, you don't know anything, it's going to get better"..
It shouldn't have to get better.. if it have to get better then you know it's already bad....
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You cannot dictate someone's life, not that you are...but a lot of times the other person feels that's what's happening. You may think and feel you are a reasonable person but you cannot expect someone to think and feel like you do. Perhaps they already think and feel they are reasonable in many other ways towards you, yet you just haven't notice.
To throw things he love and enjoy, will not do you any favor. It's a sign of hate and it will continue to trigger you to do it more in the future with anything else he might love and enjoy doing. Once you've done it, it's so much more easier for you to do it again. You may not even realize how you are probably still continuing to destroy other things such as his morals, his mental health at work, and his tolerance for your behavior.
Learn to have patience and learn to control your temper. Compromise is a life long companion that you need to uphold until the end of your life with anyone and everyone, vice versa.
There are people who may tell you it is best to divorce and find someone who is better but you also need to look at their own lives if they are doing well. If they are doing well, what exactly are they doing that is healthy for themselves and their partner? What events had occur in their life that had made and break them to get to where they are at?
If you are close to his friends, invite them over and do something fun together. Get to know his friends and their hobbies, especially because you guys have no children yet. That way, you can start building a mutual relationship with them and they get to know the real you. Plus...them knowing you will also make them understand that maybe the things your s/o say is just a bunch of BS and they can help back you up during their "guy talk." Besides, knowing their gaming hobbies...you can learn to speak their nerdy game language and mock or humor your s/o from time to time. That may bring you guys closer and he may change himself because he see you've changed too.
/life
You don't want to listen to this..
If you really read it... it's saying YOU ARE THE PROBLEM YOU NEED TO FIX YOURSELF AND CHANGE YOURSELF.... when really, you are NOT the problem and honestly don't need to change.
You've already listed all the things you done...and in my opinion, the things you do are not wrong! But the advices you are getting in here from the ladies are basically saying what you are doing is wrong! You clean up the house, you clean for him, you do his laundry...cook for him etc etc etc, scrape off his and your snow...
It is surprising for me to see all these women in here can't see it from your side! It just blows my mind.
Look..
List the things that you do for him.
List the things he gets mad at you for.
Then list the things that he does that makes you mad.
And put it all here!!
And if you're still getting advices from these ladies in here saying you need to be patient, they are just blindling giving you advice that like I stated before, you shouldn't be taking their advice!
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You don't want to listen to this..
If you really read it... it's saying YOU ARE THE PROBLEM YOU NEED TO FIX YOURSELF AND CHANGE YOURSELF.... when really, you are NOT the problem and honestly don't need to change.
You've already listed all the things you done...and in my opinion, the things you do are not wrong! But the advices you are getting in here from the ladies are basically saying what you are doing is wrong! You clean up the house, you clean for him, you do his laundry...cook for him etc etc etc, scrape off his and your snow...
It is surprising for me to see all these women in here can't see it from your side! It just blows my mind.
Look..
List the things that you do for him.
List the things he gets mad at you for.
Then list the things that he does that makes you mad.
And put it all here!!
And if you're still getting advices from these ladies in here saying you need to be patient, they are just blindling giving you advice that like I stated before, you shouldn't be taking their advice!
her advice is worse than that guy about at least he's not doing drugs. these types of people are victim shaming her. she is victim shaming herself and doesn't realize it. when and if she ever directs her questions to people who are in good and healthy relationships they will have the biggest WTH faces.
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Aww man..
that's all I get?!!?
Cheezez!!!!
Well anyways, if you wanna talk. You know what to do.
Thank you!
-
Petal rose, we got something going on here?
are we connecting on a level here?!
Anyways... I typed what I typed earlier wrong..
Bloggerdigest. .
You need to type a list of
1. Things he does that makes you mad and upset
2. Things you do that makes him mad and upset
3. Things you do for him( for example, his laundry)
4. Things he does for you.
Put it all out here...
And look at it objectively...
Then you need to have a real good conversation with yourself.
Or you can just come and hang out with me.
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her advice is worse than that guy about at least he's not doing drugs. these types of people are victim shaming her. she is victim shaming herself and doesn't realize it. when and if she ever directs her questions to people who are in good and healthy relationships they will have the biggest WTH faces.
I'm not familiar with all that victim shaming stuff, to me it may sound to harsh of words to call it that...but it's all bad advice.
I'm just more about looking at the facts and seeing what's right and wrong and proceding to the next best course of action.
Bloggerdigest, I'm your advocate! Fold me up, put me in your purse and take me with you!
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You cannot dictate someone's life, not that you are...but a lot of times the other person feels that's what's happening. You may think and feel you are a reasonable person but you cannot expect someone to think and feel like you do. Perhaps they already think and feel they are reasonable in many other ways towards you, yet you just haven't notice.
To throw things he love and enjoy, will not do you any favor. It's a sign of hate and it will continue to trigger you to do it more in the future with anything else he might love and enjoy doing. Once you've done it, it's so much more easier for you to do it again. You may not even realize how you are probably still continuing to destroy other things such as his morals, his mental health at work, and his tolerance for your behavior.
Learn to have patience and learn to control your temper. Compromise is a life long companion that you need to uphold until the end of your life with anyone and everyone, vice versa.
There are people who may tell you it is best to divorce and find someone who is better but you also need to look at their own lives if they are doing well. If they are doing well, what exactly are they doing that is healthy for themselves and their partner? What events had occur in their life that had made and break them to get to where they are at?
If you are close to his friends, invite them over and do something fun together. Get to know his friends and their hobbies, especially because you guys have no children yet. That way, you can start building a mutual relationship with them and they get to know the real you. Plus...them knowing you will also make them understand that maybe the things your s/o say is just a bunch of BS and they can help back you up during their "guy talk." Besides, knowing their gaming hobbies...you can learn to speak their nerdy game language and mock or humor your s/o from time to time. That may bring you guys closer and he may change himself because he see you've changed too.
/life
Oh I know at times I am not reasonable but the things he does leads it this way.
Well yeah it's a sign of hate, I hate it when he games when it is not necessary or relevant for him to game.
I wouldn't say I am destroying his mental health at work because he doesn't even want to work, he rather stay home and game.
Yeah I know his tolerance is deteriorating, but the way he's lashing back isn't how it's supposed to be. Then again how is lashing back supposed to be right?
For example the other day while he blew up my phone he said, you want me to be a man and grow up fine I will sit here and argue with you!
Then proceeds to tell me. You want me to be head of house, fine! Then you do everything.
To be honest his friends are actually my friends or acquaintances, what ever you want to call it.
They all went to High school with me. They all became his friend because, we'll he had no other friends.
I do know them and their hobbies.
Why should I get to know them when they won't get to know me.
They never ask or try to understand, they just sit there and talk shit to my husband about me.
Yeah I told them I hit his console and what not because he called into work (No PTO) just to game.
Do they care? No, they still see me as a mean b*tch.
At the same time I feel like what goes on between my husband and I is really non of their business too.
Yeah I know there are certain things I need to change, but how can I when it's the stuff he does that causes me to react the way I do.
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You don't want to listen to this..
If you really read it... it's saying YOU ARE THE PROBLEM YOU NEED TO FIX YOURSELF AND CHANGE YOURSELF.... when really, you are NOT the problem and honestly don't need to change.
You've already listed all the things you done...and in my opinion, the things you do are not wrong! But the advices you are getting in here from the ladies are basically saying what you are doing is wrong! You clean up the house, you clean for him, you do his laundry...cook for him etc etc etc, scrape off his and your snow...
It is surprising for me to see all these women in here can't see it from your side! It just blows my mind.
Look..
List the things that you do for him.
List the things he gets mad at you for.
Then list the things that he does that makes you mad.
And put it all here!!
And if you're still getting advices from these ladies in here saying you need to be patient, they are just blindling giving you advice that like I stated before, you shouldn't be taking their advice!
I don't know OP nor do I know OP's significant other's point of view of/about OP.
Everything listed in bold is your bias opinion about us women in here. That's really sad because we never said she did anything wrong in her relationship. We obviously realize there are wonderful things she's doing that she's listed and we are simply touching bases on different perspective to look at (whether she has or hasn't yet...that we don't know).
Is it so wrong for us to even voice a perspective?
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I don't know OP nor do I know OP's significant other's point of view of/about OP.
Everything listed in bold is your bias opinion about us women in here. That's really sad because we never said she did anything wrong in her relationship. We obviously realize there are wonderful things she's doing that she's listed and we are simply touching bases on different perspective to look at (whether she has or hasn't yet...that we don't know).
Is it so wrong for us to even voice a perspective?
Obviously you have not read the entire thread.
She's said she's having issues with her husband.
She says he plays games all the time. To the point where he's skipping work just to play games. She hides his controllers and even toss the gaming system(totally understandable when you see that it's getting to the point of not normal anymore).
She says he doesn't clean.
She says he doesn't do the laundry.
She says he doesn't cook for himself.
She says he doesn't go shovel the snow.
She says she does the cleaning.
She says even after all the squabbles she has with him she still comes home and clean the house, do the laundry, and cook him food.
She goes outside and shove the snow.
She goes outside in the cold and wipe the snow off the car.
Read that.
And you girls are telling her that she needs to be patient? That she needs to change? She needs to be more understanding and change and compromise with her husband? Basically you're saying all those things she's doing is not enough. That she needs to do more. Yalls saying she needs to find a middle ground with her husband.
See what you're saying now?
Read. And if that is at the end of your day your voice of opinion, I will say to her again to not listen to you. She can't compromise anymore. There is nothing more to compromise. How do you compromise cooking for someone who doesn't cook for themself? How do you compromise doing the laundry when they don't do the laundry? What is she to do? Offer to let him play video games whenever and however long he want's as long as he does the laundry? He is already playing video games as long as he wants and whenever he wants and don't do the laundry.
How is she suppose to change? How is she suppose to work on herself? How is she to be a better wife? She is already a better wife? Is she suppose to cook a thanksgiving dinner evernight instead of a simple dinner? Because what she is doing is not good enough right?
Look, you're not even reading the whole thread. And like I said, if you still feel the same way, and if that's still your opinion, well I have to say again, she should not listen to you.
Yalls just too blind. You're not in her shoes. You don't know how to be in her shoes. It's unfortunate.
Like I said, it just blows my mind alot of the females in here can't even understand what's going on with her and practically blaming it on her.
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Petal rose, we got something going on here?
are we connecting on a level here?!
Anyways... I typed what I typed earlier wrong..
Bloggerdigest. .
You need to type a list of
1. Things he does that makes you mad and upset
2. Things you do that makes him mad and upset
3. Things you do for him( for example, his laundry)
4. Things he does for you.
Put it all out here...
And look at it objectively...
Then you need to have a real good conversation with yourself.
Or you can just come and hang out with me.
1. Things he does that makes me mad and upset... Lie, steal, hides stuff, games, does not have his priorities lined up, does not do anything without being told, does not care to take initiative on important stuff such as getting health insurance, looking for other auto insurances. Sleeping all the time, complaining about driving all the time when I am in the car with him. Waiting for me to do everything. Not wanting to go out with me whether it be with my friends or his family. Not wanting to pick me up or take me anywhere when I do need him to. Not wanting to work. Gaming all the time. Telling me I am mean and that everyone thinks that of me. Never standing up for me when it comes to his friends. Not wanting to eat what I cooked. Having to make two separate meals cause he likes it spicy and I don't or he does not like Bulgolgi sauce or any sort of sauce, pico de gallo or salsa I would put onto seared salmon.
2. Things I do that make him mad. Not wanting to drive when we both are in the car. Not letting him buy things that he does not need, but want. Being controlling. Not letting him game. Not letting him have his friends over every single weekend all day. Being mean. Asking him to do so much. Asking him to do anything. Going out and forcing him to go with me. Asking him to drive me or pick me up if I know I am going to have a few drinks. Going to the gym and forcing him to go with me. Cleaning and making him clean too. Finding things for him to do. Decorating my house because I want to.
3. Things I do for him. EVERYTHING! Except allow him to game all the time and have his friends over all the time.... The list goes on. If you want specifics well I might just have to write a book.
4. Things he does for me. Listens (I think he does, most of the time.) Puts up with me. Loads and unloads the dishwasher 40% of the time without being asked. Does laundry. Steam rice 20% of the time without being asked. Takes the dog out. To be honest... At this point he really does not do anything for me, without being asked to or told to........
Besides loving me.. In all honesty I didn't ask for him to love me or marry me, he just did because of his reasons.
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What does that mean? He just did becuase of his reasons?
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What does that mean? He just did becuase of his reasons?
Basically saying he chose to marry me for his reasons as I had my reasons.
He said he married me cause he loves me, and because I do so much for him.
He's never once been with a girl who was independent, cooks, clean, is smart in her own ways or thoughtful.
Not saying he dated a bunch of idiots before me, but they obviously were not me.
To be honest, and not to think highly of myself, but I can say he married me because I am the best he has had.
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I don't think there is much woman here who are blaming me, but to offer advice and to try to understand.
I don't expect all or anyone to understand.
I am just here cause I needed to vent. I am here to listen and to read what everyone has to say.
I'm not here to judge. Who am I to judge, I am not perfect. Sure I have issues, who doesn't
People will talk and people will say what they have to say.
It's their opinion and they are allowed to their own opinions as am I.
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There are options out there you can take but 3 are more obvious and one will put you on Hmong front page news that I don't want to share n encourage.
Quit n leave
Stay n shut up to suck it up
Do nothing n your crying makes no cot dam sense
No point of crying to us anymore. Not our life, we no care. Have a day.
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I cannot sit here and judge. We all have our flaws and personal issue to deal with. We all have heard the saying, some boys mature faster and some never will. I believe after a few discussions on the same issues and not much has been improves, you kind of know where this is heading if not already there at the end of it’s trail. Here’s another saying, first time shame on you..and you know the rest.
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I'm going to sleep! Talk to you tommorow!
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Yalls just too blind. You're not in her shoes. You don't know how to be in her shoes. It's unfortunate.
Like I said, it just blows my mind alot of the females in here can't even understand what's going on with her and practically blaming it on her.
Divorce rate today is about 50 percent. Why? People just aren't willing to work on marriages anymore. When the going gets tough, people throw in the towel. Problems in marriages will never go away. Face it. Confront it. Deal with it. Find a solution if possible. Work together. Compromise. Let go. No compromise. Give and Take. Yes sometimes one of the partner shoulder more of the burden than the other, smarter, wiser, more mature, more patients, less patients, bread winner, no winner, etc..whatever - that's why people need each other. It's called complimenting each other - you have your strength/weakness, I have mines - but being married, you've got timeeeeeeeeee to help each other grow, take your marriage to that next level one step at a time.... That's why it's HARD WORK! Haven't you seen couple starts w/ nothing except each other and years down the road they've made a life, built a life - didn't happen overnight. They've all been in the shoes of Bloggerdigest.
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Divorce rate today is about 50 percent. Why? People just aren't willing to work on marriages anymore. When the going gets tough, people throw in the towel. Problems in marriages will never go away. Face it. Confront it. Deal with it. Find a solution if possible. Work together. Compromise. Let go. No compromise. Give and Take. Yes sometimes one of the partner shoulder more of the burden than the other, smarter, wiser, more mature, more patients, less patients, bread winner, no winner, etc..whatever - that's why people need each other. It's called complimenting each other - you have your strength/weakness, I have mines - but being married, you've got timeeeeeeeeee to help each other grow, take your marriage to that next level one step at a time.... That's why it's HARD WORK! Haven't you seen couple starts w/ nothing except each other and years down the road they've made a life, built a life - didn't happen overnight. They've all been in the shoes of Bloggerdigest.
Success rate is also at 50%. Why?
Cuz people quit n rebuild another foundation, minus the crying.
You give people an option. They pick their poison. No point in raising any man child.
If that was my child, I'll send him to boot camp in North Korea. I'll criticize the chit out of people so they too can see the light. The hell grown up men wants to waste their life trying to beat a game for? Focus that energy in your wife cuz if you don't, I will n I will fawk her while you go play your silly game.
You not making no money playing your candy crush and don't get me started with poki monster.
Grown azz people losing their marriage to a game?
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Who's gay? Or who are you referring to? ???
The PH member that you quoted regarding "workout and gym"...
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Sorry to hear that you’re having issues with your husband.
You never really know what the other person is like until you live with them.....even then, sometimes they won’t show you their true selves until you’re married. People know that marriage takes work but they also need to know when to let go. Others can advise you or express their opinions/experiences but they’re not in your position, so you need to decide for yourself what’s best for you and how much you can or are willing to tolerate/compromise. You need to learn to pick your battles, what’s worth being upset about and what’s not. Keep in mind that love does not conquer all and sometimes it just isn’t enough to make a relationship work. But only you can decide these things for yourself.
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Sorry to hear that you’re having issues with your husband.
You never really know what the other person is like until you live with them.....even then, sometimes they won’t show you their true selves until you’re married. People know that marriage takes work but they also need to know when to let go. Others can advise you or express their opinions/experiences but they’re not in your position, so you need to decide for yourself what’s best for you and how much you can or are willing to tolerate/compromise. You need to learn to pick your battles, what’s worth being upset about and what’s not. Keep in mind that love does not conquer all and sometimes it just isn’t enough to make a relationship work. But only you can decide these things for yourself.
Well said, especially when "others" are online folks like the ones on PH that don't really know you or your particular situation so yes, "only you can decide theses things for yourself."
Also agree with the "need to know when to let go" point...as not all individuals and/or his/her situation are the same...so just *depends*...
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Sorry to hear that you’re having issues with your husband.
You never really know what the other person is like until you live with them.....even then, sometimes they won’t show you their true selves until you’re married. People know that marriage takes work but they also need to know when to let go. Others can advise you or express their opinions/experiences but they’re not in your position, so you need to decide for yourself what’s best for you and how much you can or are willing to tolerate/compromise. You need to learn to pick your battles, what’s worth being upset about and what’s not. Keep in mind that love does not conquer all and sometimes it just isn’t enough to make a relationship work. But only you can decide these things for yourself.
Thank you!
Yeah I know no one will understand what I am going through.
At this point I have just been weighing things out and taking time to myself.
When the conversation is brought up and I talk about it with his sister is when I start to realize just how frustrated I am and close to quitting I am.
At the same time I also realize that there should be things I need to work on.
It's just a lot that's going on and this is just the snip of it.
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Well said, especially when "others" are online folks like the ones on PH that don't really know you or your particular situation so yes, "only you can decide theses things for yourself."
Also agree with the "need to know when to let go" point...as not all individuals and/or his/her situation are the same...so just *depends*...
O0
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Txiv tsev plays games and stays home.
Funny. :2funny:
We need to change that label: when a guy is married, he's txiv hauj lwm. Then he'll go out and work.
I know I am not perfect.
I have my flaws. I am short tempered, I get upset easily, sometimes when I am really angry I will cry.
I can somewhat be controlling towards those I care about. I tend to dominate in my relationship and I can be very independent.
I am not sure if I am just at an emotional state of if I am really at my wits end.
My significant other and I have not been on good terms.
The other week he lied again (3rd time) now about going to work.
Instead he called in because he wanted to play video games with his friends.
I may have sort of blew up a bit, yelled at him and threw his console at the wall (it didn't break for those of you wondering.)
I then abruptly left to his sister's house. She had nothing to say or to know what to say.
My significant other and I have talked here and there and I told him how I felt and would appreciate it if he not game if I was home with him. Now one week later we are back to square one. He will consistently ask over and over to game even after I said no. I told him after what he did and has been doing there is no need for him to game all the time everyday. I got so annoyed with him last night that I hid his controllers from him and told him he could sleep on the couch with his console. He called me childish. I get some of the things I did is pretty unfair, but I am sick of his child-ish behaviors. Besides the fact of him helping out here and there. He often won't do anything without being told to. Just some examples are, if he sees anything lying on the ground, he won't pick it up unless told to do so. He won't cut the grass without being told to. When it snows he will only plow or shovel if he feels the need to while to me when it snows and I know it's going to get more, I will go out the night of the snow fall and brush off the cars and plow so that there is less snow in the morning. He does not know how to cook and waits for me (doesn't surprise me.) He will get off work and come home and stay in the same clothes all day long. I recently got a gym membership and thought it would be healthy and good for the two of us to get out and work out a few days a week and keep in shape. He complains to me he does not need to work out and feels like he's fine the way he is. It's not like he's morbidly over weight, neither am I. I guess I just feel like it's nice going to the gym with a companion. I have tried going alone, but I think he feels guilty so he just goes with me. When he does he will barely do anything and will keep telling me there's no point. I know I am complaining a lot about him which does not make me any better, but what can I do at this point. Sure I have the option to leave, but how do you leave someone you are so invested in? We bought a house together. We have no kids, just one dog. I love his family and he appreciates mine. I know this is going to sound really bad, but there are times when I wish he would just cheat on me so that we can finally go our separates ways. Why not cheat on him myself?
Well that is cause I don't want to nor have I ever thought of that. That is something I believe he does not deserve. He's not physical, or verbally abusive. He just does childish things and often does things without thinking first. People say he's still a kid and needs to grow up... But c'mon 6+ years of being together and 2+ years (I know it's not a lot) of being married and he's still childish?! Some will say Men never grow up, but how much more child-ish are you going to be?
I know this is petty little things that I should not leave him for, but at the same time I don't know what to do anymore.
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if i was as hot as maggie cheung, my man better shape up or ship out. :P :D ;D
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if i was as hot as maggie cheung, my man better shape up or ship out. :P :D ;D
Never heard of her. :2funny:
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Hi blogger!
How was your day?
How did it go today?
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Hi blogger!
How was your day?
How did it go today?
Depends which day you were talking about :2funny:
Today, my morning so far... I am super tired.
This daylight savings has my schedule all messed up.
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Well how was Saturday?
How was sunday?
How was Monday? Monday just started but... how is it going? are you still frustrated?
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Let's see how gullible someone can be.
(http://images.fandango.com/ImageRenderer/0/0/redesign/static/img/default_poster.png/0/images/masterrepository/performer%20images/p242535/shuqi-berlinfilmfestival.jpg)
Never heard of her. :2funny:
if i was as hot as maggie cheung, my man better shape up or ship out. :P :D ;D
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I already know who that is!
that's nkaujsee!
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No wonder you're nuts over her friends and sister. She's one hot chick. :2funny:
I already know who that is!
that's nkaujsee!
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No wonder you're nuts over her friends and sister. She's one hot chick. :2funny:
If you change your pH status to female, he goes nuts over you too.
I have never seen any hmong so thirsty online before.
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Well how was Saturday?
How was sunday?
How was Monday? Monday just started but... how is it going? are you still frustrated?
It was fairly quiet. :P
Spent most of my weekend helping out my sister in law and working...
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(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/vw3Oryhs8VMpYwKlIy3k8FRk9U_gev_-TL7siXC8BQJMIsx0clbfx0pQW957mCh5pQojPo5i9X5HOw=w1920-h945)
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Hey! What was you going to type?!?!?
Type it out!!
But in any case, my weekend was uneventful...
I just went to the gym and that's about it.
What did you help your sister in law with?
Sorrie it's going to be a boring conversation.
I'm also stuck working over night tonight so I'm just looking for some interaction.
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Hey! What was you going to type?!?!?
Type it out!!
But in any case, my weekend was uneventful...
I just went to the gym and that's about it.
What did you help your sister in law with?
Sorrie it's going to be a boring conversation.
I'm also stuck working over night tonight so I'm just looking for some interaction.
She's a real estate agent, and opening up a business soon. I go and shadow her at her shows or I go attend her business meetings with her to offer an sort of help as I know how to do flyers, ads, vinyls, etc.
This weekend I am going to shoot her house listing for her so that she can put it up and market the house she's going to list for sale.
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Let's see how gullible someone can be.
(http://images.fandango.com/ImageRenderer/0/0/redesign/static/img/default_poster.png/0/images/masterrepository/performer%20images/p242535/shuqi-berlinfilmfestival.jpg)
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/mO62hvA4MRprBgvAQTSGlaJ_mUeJczrmN_bTr6rcXjHp3X64LkaPTbORY5zTCf9ZkqmkSw64pR6_KdC8n0Zt=w1353-h541)
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Oh that's cool. Is the majority of her clients hmong?
And you are an actual real estate agent right?
I have a friend who's one, I believe you don't need any kind of degree to get your license right? You can just study for it and go take the test right?
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If you are not happy right now, 5-10 years later down the road, you will still not be happy. We can never change anyone unless they decide to change themselves for the better. I suggest, talk to him when it's just the two of you and he's in a good mood. No one is perfect and I get that. You are not looking for Mr. Perfect but someone who is compatible and share responsibiliti es with you. Someone who will help you and you help him and there's nothing wrong with that.
In most cases, in order to do so, we have to let them go. If not, you will be at the same place and in the same relationship 5-10 years later down the road. I know a lot of people who let their partner go and some found happiness, some regret it and some are still in the same dead relationship as is. I wasn't happy in my relationship with my boyfriend but I couldn't leave him because he got sick. I thought of leaving him so many time/years because I'd the same mindset like you thinking "Only he can put up with me". I was wrong. No matter how much you love and do for someone, if you are not happy and they cannot fulfill your wishes, you'll end in depression. I did. Look, this year will mark our 12th years together and I've been trying to leave him since the 2nd year of dating him. A decade later and I'm still not happy.
If you plan to go, spread your wings and fly. When you are ready to do so, never look back. You'll be lonely and sad for a while but this is the beginning for a new chapter. A lot of people stay in hopeless/loveless relationship just because they are comfortable with one another. Ask yourself, can you see yourself with him 5-10 years later down the road with him being the way he is? Only you know the answer to that. Good luck.
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Miss khou, that is some good advice from your first hand experience.
Bloggerdigest! Leave while you can!!!!!
Hey I'm single! Just saying!
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Oh that's cool. Is the majority of her clients hmong?
And you are an actual real estate agent right?
I have a friend who's one, I believe you don't need any kind of degree to get your license right? You can just study for it and go take the test right?
Yes, majority of her clients have been Hmong.
No, not yet... I am slowly working towards it.
Yes you are correct, all you need to do is take courses, pass the test and pay your fees and apply your license with a broker.
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:2funny:
Miss khou, that is some good advice from your first hand experience.
Bloggerdigest! Leave while you can!!!!!
Hey I'm single! Just saying!
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If you are not happy right now, 5-10 years later down the road, you will still not be happy. We can never change anyone unless they decide to change themselves for the better. I suggest, talk to him when it's just the two of you and he's in a good mood. No one is perfect and I get that. You are not looking for Mr. Perfect but someone who is compatible and share responsibiliti es with you. Someone who will help you and you help him and there's nothing wrong with that.
In most cases, in order to do so, we have to let them go. If not, you will be at the same place and in the same relationship 5-10 years later down the road. I know a lot of people who let their partner go and some found happiness, some regret it and some are still in the same dead relationship as is. I wasn't happy in my relationship with my boyfriend but I couldn't leave him because he got sick. I thought of leaving him so many time/years because I'd the same mindset like you thinking "Only he can put up with me". I was wrong. No matter how much you love and do for someone, if you are not happy and they cannot fulfill your wishes, you'll end in depression. I did. Look, this year will mark our 12th years together and I've been trying to leave him since the 2nd year of dating him. A decade later and I'm still not happy.
If you plan to go, spread your wings and fly. When you are ready to do so, never look back. You'll be lonely and sad for a while but this is the beginning for a new chapter. A lot of people stay in hopeless/loveless relationship just because they are comfortable with one another. Ask yourself, can you see yourself with him 5-10 years later down the road with him being the way he is? Only you know the answer to that. Good luck.
Very well said.
At this point we have talked here and there. We are in a civil state right now. He has not asked about his controllers. He has not gone to the gym with me as I have been going with my sister in laws and friend. We still sleep separately. Not sure if he's majorly just sucking up, but he's been helping out around the house.. I told him I gave him a week to go back to normal.. We are coming up on a week so we shall see...
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Very well said.
At this point we have talked here and there. We are in a civil state right now. He has not asked about his controllers. He has not gone to the gym with me as I have been going with my sister in laws and friend. We still sleep separately. Not sure if he's majorly just sucking up, but he's been helping out around the house.. I told him I gave him a week to go back to normal.. We are coming up on a week so we shall see...
Haha thanks! Girl, I'm in a failed relationship. ;D Love can either make/break us. Most of the time when we think about being with them for 2+ years, that time being spent together, we decided to stay because we think about how long we have been together. Like we made it this made far and it'll get better. Most of the time, you're just comfortable with one another and can put up with each other attitude. That misconception is what a lot of unhappy relationships ends up to.
Girl, 1 week is not enough. He will change for you to gain your trust back and kabam, after 2-3 weeks, he will go back to being his old self again. I know because been there and done that. Well, continue to do the little things together and help him when he's doing it as well.
Since you're married, do not threaten him saying you'll leave him because one day when he does tell you to go and you can't, game over. You will now be the one who's wearing the collar. Good luck.
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Haha thanks! Girl, I'm in a failed relationship. ;D Love can either make/break us. Most of the time when we think about being with them for 2+ years, that time being spent together, we decided to stay because we think about how long we have been together. Like we made it this made far and it'll get better. Most of the time, you're just comfortable with one another and can put up with each other attitude. That misconception is what a lot of unhappy relationships ends up to.
Girl, 1 week is not enough. He will change for you to gain your trust back and kabam, after 2-3 weeks, he will go back to being his old self again. I know because been there and done that. Well, continue to do the little things together and help him when he's doing it as well.
Since you're married, do not threaten him saying you'll leave him because one day when he does tell you to go and you can't, game over. You will now be the one who's wearing the collar. Good luck.
I really hope it does not get to that point.
Yeah I will admit we both are comfortable, but at the same time I chose to marry him knowing I will and always will be the more educated one and knowledgeable as he married me knowing I was the one with the upper hand, independence and short tempered.
On the good note his family understands where I am coming from and did warn him from the beginning before he decided to get down on one knee and propose.
Ohhh we still going past that week... I am not just cutting it at the one week mark. Oh no, the day he dare tells me to leave. I'd gladly send him back to his parents. (Yes, I know it's sad but I seem like a b*tch) He knows that very well and plus, regardless that the house is both tied to our names... The only contribution he's ever made to the house was pay half the mortgage.
Thanks haha I will need all the luck in the world!!! But luck may just not cut it...