PebHmong Discussion Forum
News & Announcements => News Headlines => Hmong News => Topic started by: SumTingWong on June 22, 2015, 06:24:16 PM
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Boy meets girl... boy likes girl, boy loves girl and girl loves boy back. Boy wants to marry girl, girl's parents say... Hell NO!, You are a thug, our daughter is not for the likes of you. Boy pulls out gun, boy points gun to this chin, pulls trigger, entry wound. bullet exits top of head. Cause of death, massive head trauma and brain damage. Funeral this pass weekend in Fresno. True story....
Our choices are half chance at best right so... Does it really matter who your children marry?
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No, it does not. As long as she's happy, and her happiness will bring me happiness too.
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I don't care much about the old marriage tradition anymore. It creates and leads too many problems in the past and present day. It never ends. Like theking said, "gullible".
This is not the first time. I believed a few years ago, there was a similiar case in Sacramento/Fresno.
It happened in N. Cali too, Yuba & Marysville, Oroville, and Chico. It happens to most young teenagers getting themselves into relationship too early.
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I mean really? You're going to kill yourself over what one or two people say?
There is no need young folks!
You can still get married if the parents say no.
I'll never understand it.
If parents say no, you can still do it.
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Boy meets girl... boy likes girl, boy loves girl and girl loves boy back. Boy wants to marry girl, girl's parents say... Hell NO!, You are a thug, our daughter is not for the likes of you. Boy pulls out gun, boy points gun to this chin, pulls trigger, entry wound. bullet exits top of head. Cause of death, massive head trauma and brain damage. Funeral this pass weekend in Fresno. True story....
Our choices are half chance at best right so... Does it really matter who your children marry?
Honestly, only people with children can answer this best. For me, it doesn't matter who they marry but at the same time we want what's best for our children. However, that doesn't mean that what we want is what's best. This is why we have something called expectations.
As far as the person who died, I don't know his situation but he took extreme measures. He had other means to accomplish his task of marrying the woman he loved but taking a gun to himself wasn't the way. It doesn't solve anything.
Besides, if I were the parents of the girl, I would have said, "We told you so. Low life gun-toting thug killed himself before he could kill someone else. Just be glad it wasn't you!"
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recently huh?
didnt even know this happened in fresno, usually the buzz finds its way around town but i guess it didnt get to me
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recently huh?
didnt even know this happened in fresno, usually the buzz finds its way around town but i guess it didnt get to me
The girl lives in N. Carolina... his body was shipped back to Fresno, his parents are Christian. Suicide is a big no no in Christian religion.
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oh that explains it now
it happened in NC and not here
thanks for the info
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I'm going to squash down my compassionate side and just state my hard feelings.... so no offense to anyone, and this is definitely not condoning suicide or saying that the boy deserved it. I'm going to say that the boy made a very bad choice, and it's very unfortunate he made that choice but what's done is done. I don't believe blame should be parceled out in these sorts of circumstances, when someone would make such a finite, impulsive decision to end their life just because of one rejection. There are so many possibilities that could have been done to reverse the parent's decision, such as him improving his image by getting a great job or going to school, or proving to the parents that he can be steadfast and dependable, or even the daughter eloping with him. To be quite frank, someone who would do something like this might have done something worse in the future. What if he did get the parent's approval and they married and had kids but someday ran into money trouble or another crisis? Would he react in the same impulsive way and do something even worse to his wife and kids? To be honest it's a very bad decision making method. If I were the girl's parents, his suicide would only support my refusal, and I wouldn't want my daughter to be with someone who would go to extremes without first considering other, non-violent choices.
And yes, it does matter who your children marry.
Preach on! O0
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wow, this immoral stuff only happen back in the 80s.
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It has nothing to do with tradition and everything to do with stupidity! Grow some balls and grow up. He and She were not ready to get married and since we don't have detials of thier age, i'm going to assume they were both unemployed and young. Because if they were mature enough, they could have eloped and lived on thier own. Parents would eventually come around. End of story.
Oh and to answer your question.. NO it doesn't matter who my kids marry. In the end it'll be thier life. So be it if she or he marries a thug, low life etc.... I'll voice my opinions and also tell him or her what I think, but I'd never tell them who they can or can't marry.
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It has nothing to do with tradition and everything to do with stupidity! Grow some balls and grow up. He and She were not ready to get married and since we don't have detials of thier age, i'm going to assume they were both unemployed and young. Because if they were mature enough, they could have eloped and lived on thier own. Parents would eventually come around. End of story.
Oh and to answer your question.. NO it doesn't matter who my kids marry. In the end it'll be thier life. So be it if she or he marries a thug, low life etc.... I'll voice my opinions and also tell him or her what I think, but I'd never tell them who they can or can't marry.
Nailed it. O0
For me, as long as my kid(s) are happy, that's all that matters..becau se at the end of the day, it is their life.
Also want to add that when I lived in Laos, there several suicide cases of both genders because of the parents refusal to let their kids marry who they love. There are also cases where the bride was forced to marry and then she commit suicide shortly after via opium overdose. So I agree with Special K that as parents, you do your best to guide your children but the ultimate decision should be theirs because it's their life.
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I'm going to squash down my compassionate side and just state my hard feelings.... so no offense to anyone, and this is definitely not condoning suicide or saying that the boy deserved it. I'm going to say that the boy made a very bad choice, and it's very unfortunate he made that choice but what's done is done. I don't believe blame should be parceled out in these sorts of circumstances, when someone would make such a finite, impulsive decision to end their life just because of one rejection. There are so many possibilities that could have been done to reverse the parent's decision, such as him improving his image by getting a great job or going to school, or proving to the parents that he can be steadfast and dependable, or even the daughter eloping with him. To be quite frank, someone who would do something like this might have done something worse in the future. What if he did get the parent's approval and they married and had kids but someday ran into money trouble or another crisis? Would he react in the same impulsive way and do something even worse to his wife and kids? To be honest it's a very bad decision making method. If I were the girl's parents, his suicide would only support my refusal, and I wouldn't want my daughter to be with someone who would go to extremes without first considering other, non-violent choices.
And yes, it does matter who your children marry.
Insightful and brutally honest... I do agree with all your points. However, let me be the devil's advocate for a second and throw this out there.
We were all young once and who hasn't made a mistake when they were younger? Weren't we all irresponsible in our youth, at least to some degree? Who's to say this kid will always have this mentality? Who's to say there's not a fire in him that will someday burn so bright that it will change the world, had she married him?
As for the girl, if she can fall l in love with this boy knowing he was a unemployed gangster... what is there to stop her from making the same mistakes or decisions again? Maybe she is attracted to the loser type and will always gravitate towards destructive relationships?
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To me, it really matters who my children will marry in the future. I don't care about status or wealth but their partner must not be a drop out, nor an aggressive person, smoke free, drug free, std free, and better be respectful.
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as a parent, i will do everything and anything in my power to lead the cow to the river, but certainly i will NOT make it drink if it does not want. every parent want the best for their daughter to have a successful life, not necessary a happy one. those who started life happily almost are NOT happy soon after the fact along the process.
if i was the boy, i would have accept the fact, continue on with my life and made BIG noise later both professionally and academically so that the gal's parents would be in jealous rage after the fact. revenge/retaliation do "hurt"...
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as a parent, i will do everything and anything in my power to lead the cow to the river, but certainly i will NOT make it drink if it does not want. every parent want the best for their daughter to have a successful life, not necessary a happy one. those who started life happily almost are NOT happy soon after the fact along the process.
That's not accurate as I've dealt with parents that don't care about their kids (son/daughter) having worked in the social services field.
if i was the boy, i would have accept the fact, ...
Me too but only if my girl also agrees with her parents. If she still wants to go through with it, I will continue the process with her because it's our lives, not her parents.
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I mean really? You're going to kill yourself over what one or two people say?
There is no need young folks!
You can still get married if the parents say no.
I'll never understand it.
If parents say no, you can still do it.
My thoughts exactly! Of course it matters to parents who their children marry. People with standards care about these things and obviously the girl has standards because she listened to her parents. Their opinion must be important to her and rightly so.
Maybe the guy should've courted a girl who didn't have standards. But he probably wouldn't have been attracted to her because she doesn't have standards. Xav tau luag tus neeg zoo tabsis yus ho twb this yog ib tug neeg zoo. :idiot2:
Only those with no standards are okay with pretty much anything, until it doesn't work in their favor then all hell breaks loose.
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Only a desperate person who can't find another relationship would enter the marriage after knowing how much the inlaws hate his/her guts. I wouldn't marry a man even if he wanted to, knowing that his parents heavily disapprove of our relationship. They can't pay enough for my bride token for me to say "I do".
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You don't hear a lot of these cases because of the laws here in the US which allows 2 consenting adults to get married. My thought is, maybe his girlfriend did not actually love him enough to marry him. Led him on and lied to him that her parents did not allow her to marry him. IF she loved him enough, I think she would most likely run off with him.
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You don't hear a lot of these cases because of the laws here in the US which allows 2 consenting adults to get married. My thought is, maybe his girlfriend did not actually love him enough to marry him. Led him on and lied to him that her parents did not allow her to marry him. IF she loved him enough, I think she would most likely run off with him.
Yup, if she's an adult and consent, nothing her parents can do about it...
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Per the cases in Laos and Thailand, the girl did as her parents' wished by going through with the marriage with a guy she doesn't love but it was just too difficult to be in an unhappy marriage so she took herself out of her misery instead...
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Yup, if she's an adult and consent, nothing her parents can do about it...
Yes, which leads me to believe that he was played by her.
Back in Laos, there are incidences where the parents did not allow the marriage. What happened is BOTH the boyfriend AND girlfriend committed suicide, not just one, to show their undying love for one another.
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Yes, which leads me to believe that he was played by her.
Back in Laos, there are incidences where the parents did not allow the marriage. What happened is BOTH the boyfriend AND girlfriend committed suicide, not just one, to show their undying love for one another.
Some cases are similar to "Romeo & Juliet"...
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This case wasn't Romeo and Juliet though; it was Romeo Must Die. 8)
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You don't hear a lot of these cases because of the laws here in the US which allows 2 consenting adults to get married. My thought is, maybe his girlfriend did not actually love him enough to marry him. Led him on and lied to him that her parents did not allow her to marry him. IF she loved him enough, I think she would most likely run off with him.
It's clear the girl didn't have any clear intentions of marrying the guy, or maybe she finally came to her senses and realized it would be a mistake.
In Laos, the only girls who end up marrying a man they don't love is because they don't have a boyfriend waiting on the side OR because the side boyfriend qeeb siab (we know what that means ::)). Even in Laos, girls who have a boyfriend do not wait for their parents approval. They simply elope with the man of their choice. This is not a case between Laos and USA.
There are very few parents who force their daughter to marry just so they can make a few quick bucks. Many times the parents yeej pom tias tus vauv yog neeg zoo and that their daughter is not going to get a better offer. Conditions are harsh for unmarried women who live as old spinsters. In addition, I hardly call it "force" when bf/gf ua rau tej laus rhuav phlu so parents are compelled to marry them.