Anyway, gosh... Where do I start? I have so much to say but lately I feel like I am unable to speak the words. The words remain trapped inside my mouth and they, they just don't come out.
I have gone through so much these last couple of years but I feel like this year in particular, everything and my whole world drastically spiraled out of control. It started out as a little snowball the size of a ping pong ball, but with each passing month, that snowball got bigger and bigger until a full-fledged snowman was formed, with eyes, nose, mouth, arms, hands, buttons, hat, and scarf dressed on too, to boot! Talk about cherry on top! Except, instead of a sweet succulent treat like an ice cream sundae, it seems the last 9 months have been one huge, no end in sight, disaster. It finally culminated into a whole mental health breakdown. I have never experienced anxiety like what I've gone through.
Thankfully, I am at the tail end of this dark passage in my life. I feel that I am exiting this long and dark tunnel finally. I can breathe a sigh of relief! I see the sun!
I don't think people truly understand how scary anxiety and depression are. Or, how important it is to take care of your mental health. It is so important!
For people that don't know about what causes anxiety and depression, one of the things that causes anxiety and depression is your THOUGHTS. Please know that it is not good at all to sit with your thoughts for too long. When you are at a crossroads, it is important to just make a decision and stick with it. The back and forth battles that go on in your mind are not good for you. The feelings of hopelessness, of thinking that you are so alone in the world, thinking that you are so unloved... are poisons that will eventually take shape in the form of crippling anxiety, restlessness, and eventually turn into sleeplessness, to the point of not being able to sleep for weeks. Please don't ever let it get that far.
If I could tell anyone with anxiety, I would tell them to BREATHE. To LET IT GO.
- Let go of worries, of dark feelings, and focus only on the positives. Life has never been easy for you? Don't dwell on things that you have no control over.
- Maybe a romantic relationship isn't going the way you want and it is no longer serving you and it's no longer good for your mental health? Let it go. You need to let it go, so that something even better can come into your life.
- Your child disappoints you? Let it go. Let them live their life. Pray for them, always let them know that you love them, that you are there for them. Trust that life experiences will teach them right from wrong. As long as you know you have done all that you could for your child, that is all that you can do, so, let it go, breathe.
- If a job causes you anxiety and stress, let it go. Breathe. Take it one day at a time.
- Have faith and NEVER LOSE HOPE--believe that good things are on their way to you. Again, focus only on the positives!
When you start to feel anxious, remember to come down from your mind and all your thoughts... into your body. Focus on your body and on your breathing. Be in the present moment with your body and your breath.
In conclusion, the last 9 months have been true hell. But after I came out on the other side of my crippling anxieties and severe depression, I gained this deep appreciation for life. I am just so grateful for my life. I understand now that I am so blessed beyond measure.
I am also now, more than ever, so acutely aware of how short and how extremely precious life is. We are but a mere breath in the wind. And so many times, in my life, god has saved me. There is a reason for the breaths that I breathed and continue to breathe.
I may not always understand why my life has been so hard, so sad... but I trust that a good, amazing life is yet to unfold for me. God has something great in store for me. I know it! I feel it!
