I woke up when he kissed me goodbye, and for a long moment I laid there in bed, blinking away the last dregs of my dream. I had dreamed that I had needed help and kept calling for him but he ignored me and walked away. In the dream I was filled with anger, despair and a reckless desperation to both find him and forget about him. When I was fully awake I realized he had left a soft light on for me because he knows I have trouble sleeping alone in the dark. For some reason sadness filled me.
The apartment was quiet and still when I came out of the bedroom. The only noise was the distant hum of a neighbor's tv, the occasional cry of a baby. I turned on the tv for noise. Couldn't stand to be alone with my own thoughts. Didn't want to feel sad again. Sadness came anyway.
One thing at a time, is what I tell myself. Close the blinds. Turn on the lights. Make something to eat. Clean up. Don't think or feel. Or if feeling is still happening, let it pass. Dreams are just dreams. Thoughts are just thoughts. This will pass.
