The Not so private Diary of JonniJacco

[lexicon]

last night, the wife and I were out sitting in the back porch late at night and we're just talking about random stuffs and families. Her family mostly. lols I asked her if she misses her mother. She straight up said no, not really, because she felt her mother didn't love her as much as she loved her brother and sisters. We both go on saying we're both middle child so we should know how that goes. Next thing we know, something from a tree made some rustling noises. We both look at the tree but it was too dark to see anything. Before I can grab the flashlight, the tree about  20-30 feet away made the same rustling noises. I told her you better apologize to your mother right now..lols She got teary eyed and held back her tears but didn't say anything. I flash the light to the other tree, and a small owl was staring right at us with a dead opposum it looked like on its claws. The opposum was still moving..lols

so I had to comfort her all night...she likes to cuddle, so she took full advantage of the opportunity and I had to listen to her fondest stories and not so good times of her mother and herself for a good few hours or so. lols..okay more like an hour and half.. I said, well at least she tried her best. Some people have parents who don't even want anything to do with their kids. haha So we agree that if we ever have kids, which is not very likely, that we would never play favoritism of any sort. I joke to her, favoritism is natural, but I agree when it comes to your own children it is a big NO NO...haha dogs and cats included..lols

For all it's worth, I'm glad you and your spouse are able to open up to one another, especially leaving yourselves emotionally exposed and vulnerable. If what I'm assuming is correct, our generation did not have the luxury of having parents who were partially or fully acclimated to life in the States. It's left some of us, myself included, finding answers for ourselves later in our own lives. Hope you and your spouse enjoy happily everlasting.

[JonniJacko]

For all it's worth, I'm glad you and your spouse are able to open up to one another, especially leaving yourselves emotionally exposed and vulnerable. If what I'm assuming is correct, our generation did not have the luxury of having parents whom were partially or fully acclimated to life in the States. It's left some of us, myself included, finding answers for ourselves later in our own lives. Hope you and your spouse enjoy happily everlasting.

thanks man, I totally feel you. They grew up during very different times and different world. They've face many obstacles, maybe far worse than we ever did or will, but our challenges and obstacles are very different...bu t for what its worth, i think many Hmong parents from the Secret War generation did all they could to their best ability for their families.

Now as with the younger gens, I see both good and bad...lols I know some younger gen Hmong married couples, they have grown kids...at they smoke weed or drink together all the time. some just let their daughters go out with their b-fs all night, all week..they don't care..its like they never got out of their youth..lols

[JonniJacko]

true and pure anything is hard to find...if not impossible..ha ha today, people don't value friendship because in the past, maybe, people were more trustworthy, dependable, and genuine...But you have to understand, in the past decades people in general were also more naive and gullible...So on the other hand, I think people today are a lot smarter..peopl e don't like to suger coat things anymore and rather face the harsh realities than to have someone paint a fairytale story...haha People in general know good friends are hard to come by, genuine and consitency doesn't come easy. It's definitely wiser to keep a grey area between you and people. Close friends and no different from finding the right partner. The bond has to be natural.haha


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqRUNQKa5yA

[JonniJacko]

not going to lie, i pretended I wasn't really looking forward to this little picnic she wanted us to have. She tells me, change of plans she just got call in to work tomorrow. And I was like dohhh...lols I was actually really excited for it..either way it's a win, reminds me not to take her for granted...I usually don't. but Sometimes asking me to go somewhere like simply to the post office, or dmv and I would be why can't u go on your own...lols now I know...or I knew, but I forget sometimes...it s about spending time together..haha no matter where to, or what for.. So guess I'll be bbqing for myself tomorrow...lol s j/k, another day, or next spring sometime..lols

[JonniJacko]

Drove pass a car and they were bumping some Hmong music..haha And I thought, i'm kind of feeling it...lemme check out what the Hmong music scene is like now days...haha

two Hmong songs I found on youtube I thought were pretty good. there's plenty more but I don't want to feel all sappy for the next few days..Hmong songs, good ones, still hits me differently... harder..still Hmong at heart..haha

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwR7cc-XAho ( this guy is pretty legit, closest to Luj Yaj's level this far, haha)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsFqXbU_bkY (Hmong Adele..haha, great fluidity and confidence)

[JonniJacko]

My mother was like how come I don't go to church anymore. haha Truth is, me and my wife are now part of a cult..lols a neighborhood cult..lols. me and some neighbors, occasionally we'll gather together and either have dinner or Sunday breakfast together and discuss anything, usually deep discussions. No fishing, hunting, or how many beers we drank last night..lols We don't have children, but we all have one goal in mind, make the world a better place by doing our part and help one another out...I wasn't too fond of this idea when a neighbor first propose it, but these are good ole Americans with great careers and very high integrity levels. I told the wife, we still have to keep a grey area between us and them..and we won't blame em if they feel the same towards us..haha we'll see if this turns out to anything more or just waste of time..if anything, it's all neighborly love...good neighbors is important. All it takes is one bad neighbor to make anyone regret buying a 500k-several million dollar Calfornia house..haha

[JonniJacko]

I grew up being a loner most my life. I can understand that having friends is something most people want esp. when you're still oh let's say under 30..haha. I can relate to a lot of these people. What I learn is, you can't be too close to anyone these days. If you want friends, you got to keep a grey area between you and them and don't expect anything but small talks and funny jokes. And they have to do the same and feel the same towards you. This create somewhat of a trust and comfort zone. This lets both of you know there's no strings attached..so to speak...lols so what Im saying is, if you're the type of person like I use to be...you wear your heart on your sleeves, you'll drive 3 hours or 10 hours to go out of your way for them, eventhough you just known them for a few weeks, but you're thinking, I'm a good ass friend...lols  it's not really your kindness talking here, but your ego...I mean sure you have a big heart, but asked yourself, would they do the same for you...however you don't asked yourself this question, you subconsciously expect the same kind of big heart from them in return when you do ask them for a big favor. When you realize they don't have a big of a heart as you thought or would like in a friend, you become too serious, too critical, and this is when they say friends come and go...truth is folks, you'd very lucky if you have half of a true friend in your life...lols if there's nothing in it for someone or yourself, you'd want nothing much to do with that person either right...so yeah..what im saying is...friendshi ps is mostly bullshit only. a lifetime partner and or spouse is no different really. without sex, nobody will want to marry...lols without pay, nobody is gonna go in for work..lols

so people struggly to make friends or have friends, the truth is...they are looking for something that is harder to find than a diamond in the ruff...or whatever however that saying goes...lols so if you want friends, don't expect much from people. be courteous and friendly but don't overdo it...the bad people will see this as a weakness and only take advantage of you...the good people would be uncomfortable with you, because now it's like someone in the ANON forum says, they don't know if they can live up to your standards by being friends...smal l talks, joking around, fishing or lunch here and there..sure... .but driving 10 hours for you, loaning you 40k...they're not willing to be that good of friends...one, they can't afford it, two, they don't know if you're worth it, and three there's too much pressure for them to constantly have you live up to expectations. they say don't sell yourself short. true, but if you're too expensive, you'll not only turned off the bad apples but decent apples away..haha expect little, just people you can talk to here and there. you become affordable to friends of income levels, lols..nobody wants a friend that feels entitled or like you owe them more than small talks, fishing trips, etc...this is how you keep people in life. its how you make them feel, and if you make them feel comfortable around you without them taking advantage of you then you guys might just end up being friends for life..haha

when i realize what i was doing wrong...all the sudden I have too many friends..every where I go, friends, strangers alike...too many friends that just want to talk for a bit, joke around a bit..that's the best kind of friend you can be..affordable and putting a smile or laugh on a person. I guess when you look like a evil Jet LI it just drawn more people into you too..haha

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7twdKfhfANQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7twdKfhfANQ

[JonniJacko]

told the wife, I ran into an old flame...lols j/k I told her, she was just a former co-worker who I respected. I joke to the wife, when we still work at Amazon she was the only few girls I was willing to simp for. why? because they don't have a "I'm a girl, you're suppose to do nice things for me" attitude...lol s So when we worked at Amazon I was doing this job where I would fill up the production lines with all sorts of products. it can be anything from gift cards, toothbrushes, grooming stuffs, high digital stuffs, like Iwatches,Ipads..to cases of dog food and heavy products like beverages and dumbbells to pots and pans..so naturally the women hates it so much when they have to pack heavy stuffs..but work is work and sometimes you have to do what the job entails. However because we have some control of what kind of work to push on the line, the people who don't care what you give them, big, small, heavy, or pain in the ass to work with, we tend to give them a lot of the lighter, smaller stuffs.

This woman was one of the very few I can respect. Never complains, never care if she has to deal with heavy or crappy work. We got to know each other a little. While a lot of the other women, esp. the young good looking ones were so use to other guys simping for them..lols When it came to me, and when they realize Im not a simp, they get really upset...lols but Its like Im sorry, Im no simp..l treat you how you treat me...you decide...lols

anyway this girl, she was tall, very pretty. she didn't sell herself like a lot of the girls there did. she wasn't open to getting hit on or flirt with..she wasn't the type to kiss ass to get promoted or what not..she was just there to work.

well ran into her at the gas station, we talk for a bit, and I honestly didn't recognize her until she mention the place we use to work, and I took a closer look at her..haha well she said she found a better job and left cold turkey..lols

The wife now thinks I have a thing for her. I said, she's like a foot taller than me...lols no but I said, I just really admire how she carry herself Just like how I admire you carrying yourself- minus the random silent treatments you give me sometimes...at least give me a damn clue why you're upset at me....lols

[lexicon]

told the wife, I ran into an old flame...lols j/k I told her, she was just a former co-worker who I respected. I joke to the wife, when we still work at Amazon she was the only few girls I was willing to simp for. why? because they don't have a "I'm a girl, you're suppose to do nice things for me" attitude...lol s So when we worked at Amazon I was doing this job where I would fill up the production lines with all sorts of products. it can be anything from gift cards, toothbrushes, grooming stuffs, high digital stuffs, like Iwatches,Ipads..to cases of dog food and heavy products like beverages and dumbbells to pots and pans..so naturally the women hates it so much when they have to pack heavy stuffs..but work is work and sometimes you have to do what the job entails. However because we have some control of what kind of work to push on the line, the people who don't care what you give them, big, small, heavy, or pain in the ass to work with, we tend to give them a lot of the lighter, smaller stuffs.

This woman was one of the very few I can respect. Never complains, never care if she has to deal with heavy or crappy work. We got to know each other a little. While a lot of the other women, esp. the young good looking ones were so use to other guys simping for them..lols When it came to me, and when they realize Im not a simp, they get really upset...lols but Its like Im sorry, Im no simp..l treat you how you treat me...you decide...lols

anyway this girl, she was tall, very pretty. she didn't sell herself like a lot of the girls there did. she wasn't open to getting hit on or flirt with..she wasn't the type to kiss ass to get promoted or what not..she was just there to work.

well ran into her at the gas station, we talk for a bit, and I honestly didn't recognize her until she mention the place we use to work, and I took a closer look at her..haha well she said she found a better job and left cold turkey..lols

The wife now thinks I have a thing for her. I said, she's like a foot taller than me...lols no but I said, I just really admire how she carry herself Just like how I admire you carrying yourself- minus the random silent treatments you give me sometimes...at least give me a damn clue why you're upset at me....lols

You've done eff'd up, son 

Joking aside, give her a few days and she'll be back to herself. Flowers or cooking dinner might help a bit. By now you should know you'll always be in the wrong in her eyes.

[JonniJacko]

Was it something I said. No. Then what? You're still smoking. That's it? How do I know you're not smoking anything else? You don't trust me? Didn't say that. Then what? Did I really marry such a clueless man. Can we just talk like middle aged adults and say things like it is, no beating around the bush kind of stuffs.

Haha. Next time I'm just gonna let my emotions get the best of me. Maybe a yelling and shouting match is due for us. Lols

[JonniJacko]

Don't fuke with Sigmas: Fuke Alphas!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8a8Dlugmr4

now all these Alphas and Betas think they are sigmas...lols I dont know how many people has fallen victim to me because they underestimate the capabilities of the Sigma. you don't want to mess with someone who looks dumb and harmless. they will make you have nightmares of them for life. something they try very hard to prevent but sometimes it's the only option..lols

[JonniJacko]

what do you mean mid life crises? I have weekly life crisis's..she found that hilarious and laughed out loud and I told her jokingly, that's the first time I ever heard her laugh like that. She jokes back, you'll hear it more often if you actually have a real humor and not just mean or stupid comments and jokes...DOH... lols

anyway, we both decide to just spend the weekend home. cancel our little weekend getaway..we both need to slow down a little and take life easily..haha

[JonniJacko]

from my personal experience women in general don't like Sigmas for very long...haha https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gam-dyAQNJg

women fall crazy in love with Sigmas at first. but it's because of the mysterious aura he gives off. Once she realize that the sigma male is actually a very simple, lonely and boring person, despite his interesting mind and ways of thinking, to maybe his interesting past to uhh his striking handsomenss LOLS- that's when she start to lose interest because a Sigma's ultimate goal is to live in peace and quiet. be simple and boring. And most women doesn't want to live like that. He doesn't want a lot of attention, but most women needs attention. As they say, women actually has bigger egos than men..lols Sigma males with several life experiences will only then know they will need a Sigma female, but they also know how hard it would be to find one since they are even more rare, so most Sigmas don't ever marry. And tot hem that's okay too.

I found me a sigma female, or close to it...lols so I guess I'm either the luckier one, or not as lucky one..cuz again, Sigma desire to be alone and are extreme solitary in nature.

My wife can vouch for me. we still have our own seperate rooms and half the time sleep in our own room. it's only when we both watch too many horror movies do we spend the night in our joint bedroom..lols. I even built a wanna be tiny home so I can still have some space and privacy when my energy lelvel is low..in other words I still need a lot of personal space..lols... sometimes we talk early first thing int he morning, and right before bed and that'it..haha..duri ng the day, even if we're both in the house, there's really no talking sometimes...so it's not because I always claimed she always give me the silent treatment, but its because it's just the way we both are in nature..lols but when we do talk, sometimes it can be for hours...lols

i told her, we need to stay true to ourselves. we've been making too many friends and letting them into our lives too easily. we need to start testing our friends, and weed out the ones who is not looking for life long genuine friendships. lols..j/k like said before, you just gotta keep some distance, dont get too close or comfortable, and vice versa, don't let them get too close and comfortable with us. haha

[JonniJacko]

I have to be honest but I am nervous with the kind of weather we've been having. It's still warm as heck. I don't even remember the last year where we actually have a real autumn season. Where leaves turn colors and pile up the streets. In the past 10-15 years, it's like we just go straight from summer to Winter with the leaves still green and only fall off due to the occasional high winds or rain. lols This year it felt like Summer left for a week only, and return. Something is wrong with our planet or it's going to be a very very different world in a few more several millions of years if it still exists. I told her, we need to treat everyday like its our last together cus this is what they really mean by being under the weather..lols

[JonniJacko]

I have not gone to the feed store in ages. But my parents are out on a little vacation. The first since the covid thing. She called me a couple days ago if I can tend her chickens for the weekend. I got to my parents house, and headed out to check on the chickens. I look inside the shed and boy, she only one bag of feed left. So I was thinking, I'm off today, I kind of missed driving down that country road to the local feed store. Well, it use to be a lot more country 20 years ago..lols nonetheless it was a nice trip on memory lane. When I got there, a worker asked me if I used to know his Pap..He goes into a little more details where they use to live, and how I would visit his pap every now and then. I then hilariously said to him " oh you're were the son that one time I dropped off a rooster for your pap while he wasn't home, I turned around 30 minutes later when I realized I dropped off the wrong rooster, and when you went out to go get the rooster for me, I can tell you sparred him for a quick few minutes. he had a blemish or two and a few ruffled feathers" And then he was like yeah that's me..that rooster was a badass, killed the other rooster in just a few seconds...I was a little upset at the time, but we both laughed our asses off for a minute..I then kind of knew already, but I asked anyway, is your pap still kicking or has he gone to a better place...he passed away quite a while back..great guy. hardworking. we were chicken true buddies..haha

anyway, I don't think I'll ever raise chickens again. I just no longer have any interest, but its more like I don't ever wanna get too attached to something I might just get carried away again...lols