PebHmong Discussion Forum
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: SummerBerry on November 05, 2019, 02:38:38 PM
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My bil owes us a little over 5k and it is time to pay up.
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Is he your sister's husband or your husband's brother. What is his relationship to you exactly?
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The reason why I ask is because will you be the one asking for it back or will it be your husband.
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When's the due date?
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Was there a written agreement as well?
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They are Hmong and very close, too. I don't think there was ever a written contract. They have relied on trust and integrity of each individual involved.
But now there seems to be reluctance to go forth with the payment.
Was there a written agreement as well?
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They are Hmong and very close, too. I don't think there was ever a written contract. They have relied on trust and integrity of each individual involved.
But now there seems to be reluctance to go forth with the payment.
That's never the case with me and I'm Hmong. A written statement even if it was written on a napkin ensures that both parties will comply.
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You play the needy table. Ok, the total is 5K. You ask to borrow $200. If they have the intention to pay you all back, they will mention you that they still owe you and they will subtract the difference.
Shady is if they will not even let you borrow the $200 when you lend them a larger amount in the past. Consider the money is gone unless you take them to court with docs to supplement your case.
It all depends on how much you value the family ties. If they shady, they are not family so I would treat them like a business transaction and will try to get the money back the legal way. It was they who threw the first stone so no guilty consciousness on your side.
Now if they needed more time, at least they acknowledge the loan and that is more tolerable.
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Maybe you aren't close to your contractors.
I met a Hmong guy who borrowed 2.5K from a relative to help his son do the son's wedding, because neither the son or the dil had any money to get married. There was no writing. The son and dil fled after their wedding. But the guy later paid it all back himself. I asked him why. He said, "I agreed to it."
Some Hmong are that strong to stand up to their promises.
That's never the case with me and I'm Hmong. A written statement even if it was written on a napkin ensures that both parties will comply.
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Maybe you aren't close to your contractors.
I met a Hmong guy who borrowed 2.5K from a relative to help his son do the son's wedding, because neither the son or the dil had any money to get married. There was no writing. The son and dil fled after their wedding. But the guy later paid it all back himself. I asked him why. He said, "I agreed to it."
Some Hmong are that strong to stand up to their promises.
You mean loaning money to my cousin who is my dad's brother's son isn't close? ???
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Maybe you lent more than SB did.
You mean loaning money to my cousin who is my dad's brother's son isn't close? ???
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Maybe you lent more than SB did.
3K. ???
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My bil owes us a little over 5k and it is time to pay up.
I would say what you just said above, "time to pay up".
Be nice but also be firm...
Be honest and upfront about it, no need to beat around the bush especially since you're family...
The lender should never need to ask for the money back in cases like this but unfortunately, there are some cases where those that were helped in the past don't care to do their part by keeping their words and pay it back...Sad but true..
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Cases like yours is why I don’t loan money period, my policy. Many people are quick to ask for an interest free loan but paying it back is another story.
Phone call that you are coming over in a week or whenever he can get the money together to pick up the loan.
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Damn
Why you lend $5k??
That’s wayyyyy too much money
I will just ask them to pay
Before they forget they borrow
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Ok. You know people better than SB does then.
3K. ???
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Ok. You know people better than SB does then.
And your point is? ???
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(http://awesomelytechie.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/wheremymoney.jpg)
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You know that you can’t trust them on oral promises alone and that you want something in writing to hold them to the deal.
SB didn’t know she would have a hard time getting them to pay. She thought she could just trust them to act with integrity on their own, but now it’s not the case. She didn’t know that much about people. But you do.
And your point is? ???
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Remember the scam where clan members pooled their monies and would lend it to other members within the clan who "asked"? How many people lost money in that scheme? I know some people who lost tens of thousands of dollars and have yet to reclaim it to this day. Just because they're family doesn't mean they wouldn't screw you over for your money.
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Remember the scam where clan members pooled their monies and would lend it to other members within the clan who "asked"? How many people lost money in that scheme? I know some people who lost tens of thousands of dollars and have yet to reclaim it to this day. Just because they're family doesn't mean they wouldn't screw you over for your money.
Sometimes family members are worst than others when it comes to things like that...Sadly, I had to learn the hard way in my younger years so I don't loan or co-sign things for others anymore unless it's truly a life and death situation.
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Is he your sister's husband or your husband's brother. What is his relationship to you exactly?
Husband's brother.
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It's a need base question. A family who has not paid will only return your money if you have a greater need. If you are out of work then that's a good reason. If you want the money to buy x-mas gifts, then asking for the money back during the holidays will generate animosity that will lead to envy. Envy destroys relationships. $5k is not worth destroying relationship in my book.
I speak from experience.
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I would say what you just said above, "time to pay up".
Be nice but also be firm...
Be honest and upfront about it, no need to beat around the bush especially since you're family...
The lender should never need to ask for the money back in cases like this but unfortunately, there are some cases where those that were helped in the past don't care to do their part by keeping their words and pay it back...Sad but true..
You're right as the lender we shouldn't have to ever asked for our $$ back. He gave us his words that it should only take him a year to pay us back. It has been 3-5 yrs if I add the other $$ he borrowed too. I just want the 5k upfront for now. It is why I am going to tell my sil his wife that she need to give him my words. He need to start saving or find ways to get us our 5k by summer or May/June. I want the $$ to buy my daughter a car, home repairs, etc. whatever is the reason don't matter. He actually want 10k but we gave him 5k.
Outside friends, co-workers, etc. these type of people when you borrowed to them. They usually paid us back without a problem. With family they think they have all the time in the world to do it. I remember the very 1st person who ever borrowed $$ from us was a so called or distant cousin within our 2/3 yrs marriage. It was $700 but whenever he see us he will remind us that he know he still owed us $700. When my fil was sick and bedridden at home until he took his last breath. That cousin was there with us that day. Motherducker took out $300 from his wallet and gave it to us. Gave us the $400 days later. Over the yrs we will have people tell us why he couldn't pay us our $700 when he work and his wife worked for the FBI. Whatever! Hmong people don't realized that sometimes if you are the one who borrowed the $$ you paid it and their partner has nothing to do with it.
To me I don't care what people do for a living, how much debts they have, how big of their lifestyles, etc. All it matters to me is that if you borrowed $$ then you find a way to pay it back. Don't wait until there is a emergency or family crisis because it will be harder to get that $$ unless you run to the bank to get a loan. It's why I am giving my words to them to start saving $$ now until summer. My husband is too nice and always feel like he is obligated to help when he know their situation better.
At the end I don't want $$ to ruins family relationship.
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It's a need base question. A family who has not paid will only return your money if you have a greater need. If you are out of work then that's a good reason. If you want the money to buy x-mas gifts, then asking for the money back during the holidays will generate animosity that will lead to envy. Envy destroys relationships. $5k is not worth destroying relationship in my book.
I speak from experience.
True but I feel like those are the reasons I have to use in order to get him to start paying us our 5k. I don't want to ruin family relationship but its been years. This is like the 4th time he borrowed from us. 3rd time I won't bother but 4th time is the 5k. 3rd and 4th time his wife or my sil has nothing to do it with. She do know the reason but it is my bil problem.
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My bil owes us a little over 5k and it is time to pay up.
I'm kind of in the same situation and even had written out the loan in letter even stated clearly that it need to be paid back but so far it has been almost 2yrs now and the person hasn't even bother to. Like you, now the situation makes me a bad person for wanting to the person to pay back. If you don't lend people money, you're automatically a bad and stingy person, when you do, this is how it usually turns out.
Now, I'm thinking about pretending to be in a needy situation and will just ask to see if the person has enough to pay back. Money doesn't grow on trees, every dollar counts. But in your situation, it is kind of hard being your family at most is above middle class. Acting needy would really look bad. Best to just make up excuse that you could use the money for you kids school expenses and etc... and see if he will comply. It's really hard to trust people these days. They just all seem to lose their ways... If it isn't emergency. I'm not helping anymore.
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Did you get your money back yet?
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When my sister asked me for money when she was struggling financially. I gave it to her openly. 20 years later I went to ask her for some money because I was struggling. She says, let me talk to my husband about it. WOW!!!!!!! :o
Never once did I ever asked her to pay that back. Now she's like when can I pay her back?
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Consider it gone
$5k is alot of money
But its really not
You will recovery
Bread+mustard O0
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My bil owes us a little over 5k and it is time to pay up.
(https://media.makeameme.org/created/you-got-my-stbh23.jpg)
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Why are you liberal scum (not talking about SummerBerry) so worried about getting the money back? Aren't you all philanthropist s anyways?
As a conservative, I don't give out money that I can't part with. If I expect them to pay me back then I'd rather not give, period.
My limit is 2k. 2k is not too much for me to part with. If they don't pay it back I'm not sweating over it. But I know not to give them another 2k the next time they come asking.
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Why are you liberal scum (not talking about SummerBerry) so worried about getting the money back? Aren't you all philanthropist s anyways?
You mean like this "liberal" ???:
AND I AM SOMEONE WHO VOTED FOR OBAMA TWICE.
My limit is 2k. 2k is not too much for me to part with.
Another LIE since you're "flat broke" (your words, not mine).
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As a conservative, total hypocrite on everything
O0 ;D
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It's Blaque Phridai! Sales! I need that money back now!