PebHmong Discussion Forum
Creative Corner => Online Journal => Topic started by: VillainousHero on June 18, 2011, 01:00:07 AM
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I think the most pivotal moment of my life was at the age of 15 years. That was when I was getting beaten down by about twelve plus Hmong punks. My two younger brothers of 8 and 12 years of age wanted to go play so the begged me for two weeks to take them to the arcade. It was just a normal sunny summer day like normal. I finally agreed so we walked towards the arcade. The arcade was about maybe a mile and a half away. There was a wooded section that we could take as a short cut. Well only problem was that at the end of the street just before we were going to cut into the woods was some other Hmong boys. I'd figure they were just going to the arcade too, it's the normal route. Well they were walking in front of us and we were slightly behind them. Then they split into two groups one in front and one behind us. I could feel something wrong but I'd figure since I was taller than any of them that they wouldn't mess with us. Then they started to taunt us by throwing rocks but I ignored them.
Suddenly one guy kicks me from behind and I turn around only to get punched in the face. They all surrounded us. They started to swear and taunt and sucker punch me repeatedly. I had enough and I punched the punk who landed the first punch on me, knocking him down and out. I thought they would back off after that but I was wrong. Next thing all them punks were all over me, continously puncking and kicking from behind me. Not a single punk would stand their ground and fight head on. It was a losing fight for me, I couldn't simultaneously defend and attack. I was totalling stuck in defensive mode as I feared for my younger brother's life. I was being hit with rocks from the distance. They took their shoes off and hammered me with it. I had to draw all them punks at me. My younger brothers were stunned and shocked. Frozen in fear.
I made a short run distance where I could see the punks weren't even touching my younger brothers. I held my ground for a few more moments. That's when I really felt a hard knock to me head. I was either hit by a large stone or totally got punched to the head really hard. I really couldn't stay and take the beating anymore. Maybe if I just fall down and they would just leave me alone. I took a dive to the ground. They didn't leave me alone. They stomped on me. They continously kicked me down each time I tried to get back up. They stood on top of me and kept giving me a beating. All this time swearing at me and talking trash. I remember clearly some of their words. Why did you punch me? Why did you kick me? Why did you fight? You aint so tough! You're going to die!. Several minutes past as I lay there motionless being beatened like a dead horse. Eventually they grew tired and they left me. My two younger brothers merely watched the whole thing.
I lay there till the punks were totally gone. I got up. Felt all the pain and saw all the blood. My brothers only said a few words to me. Are you all right? You're bleeding from your ears. There was a pond nearby and I slowly made my way there. I washed the blood off of me as best as I can. Since I knew my old man would probably give me another beating too if he saw that I was involved in a fight. Which was something he always believed that was which I was the cause of it. I washed the blood from my face and was carefull with the blood from my ears. I washed the blood from my hands and arms from all that beating I took. I was still in shock over the event a little surprised that I wasn't dead.
I got up made my walk back home. It was a slow walk, I was hurting a lot. Each step was full of pain and anguish, but it would be better to get home before those punks come back. I was in no condition to kick any ass since I was so beatened up already. I knew what my mistakes were. I was too soft. I didn't fight to kill. I was fighting to protect and defend. That was my fault. I so clearly knew that my younger brothers were endangered but somehow they didn't even get a scratch. That was okay. My objective was completed. My younger brothers were safe. As my mind replayed the fight, I kind of scared myself. My choices of fighting to kill instead. I didn't know I had it in me, but it was there. A rage that might break loose of it's chains. Yet it still hasn't to this very day.
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Back in the days when I was still a peewee snotnose kid who couldn't speak coherently I had always thought the other kids that I played with were my friends. There was one incident during a game where you had to hit the other team three times to catch them where one of my playmates got upset. He hit me back and hard. Yeah he didn't like to lose. He was nearly twice my size you could say. He pushed me down repeatedly and then he took my cap and threw it away. That did it.
So now I hit him back really hard. I fought him like a wild beast with my movie kung fu. All of us practice movie kung fu as kids but I especially was at a much higher level. So everytime he came at me, I was able to overwhelm him. He couldn't touch me. Then he grabbed one of those contruction sticks and started to beat the crap out of me. At this time all the other kids are now gathered around and are just watching him beat me with the stick. Well I really was defending myself with my arms and all till he knock my head with the stick.
Now that really pissed me off so I somehow sprung a jump kick on his face. It was just enough that it stunned him so I grabbed the stick and wrestle it out of his hands. Now I was still really pissed at him for hitting my head with the stick. I stood there with a rage in my face full of intention to give him a beating with the stick he was beating me up with. Then he took off and ran home. That was a surprise to me. He's nearly twice my size and after all the beating he gave me, he ran away. I wasn't satisfied. I chased after him, but he was too far ahead already. It also surprised me how fast he ran, because when we play tag I could always catch him.
He made it home. I stood outside and kept beating on his door for him to come out. Eventually the door opend and his mom was standing there. She asked me what's the matter with me. I replied that he beat the crap out of me. Well she wouldn't have none of that. So she started to give me a beating. I wanted to hit her with the stick but I restrained myself. She wasn't the person I was mad at. She kept beating me. Now I raised the stick ready to strike her, but I didn't. I hesitated. Then she saw her chance she grabbed the stick from my hand. Then she started to beat me up with the stick. She kepted yelling at me to go home. That punk was watching from the upstairs window yelling beat him, beat him, repeatedly. People were watching me getting a beating and no one intervened. Eventually his mom got tired of beating me and she went back into her house and locked the door.
I stood there. Looked at their house. I can see that chicken punk in the window peaking from the side. He was afraid. I knew from that moment that all these kids I was playing with, that none of them were my friend. I didn't play with any of them after that day. None of them played with me either. Only one other kid who I thought was a true friend but wasn't in the end said a few words. Why did you even bother to fight? I was mad at him in my replie. He was bigger than I was. It was just a game. Why didn't you help me. That was the end of our friendship on that day.
TBC...
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The summer came by and I was a loner. That's all how I played. I see the other kids, but they steer clear of me now as I did the same. This one particular day was a hot day. Not many kids outdoors. The few that were outdoors walked down to the pond to play in the water and catch dragonflies or grasshoppers. Then out of the blue one kid showed up all drenched.
It was strange so I asked him what happened. He started to tell me how he and another kid went down to the pond. It just so happened that the other kid was the same punk who gave me a beating and so did his mom. He was telling me how he and the punk were goofing around on the rafts at the pond. Then two white men came by. The two white men made them suck their penises. I said you're lying. He said he was telling the truth. He proceeded to tell me the whole story. He said the two white men made took them both out on the rafts out to the middle of the pond. Then while in the middle of the pond they made them suck on their penises. He somehow jumped into the pond and swam away. That's why he was all wet. I believed him now that since I can see a broken reeds on the inside of his shirt sticking out some.
That's when I knew it was trouble. I went to go tell the punk's mom. She didn't believe me since we had a past history. So I had no choice but to go tell the drenched kid's dad. I knew his dad would be furious and he didn't want me to tell his dad either. I really didn't have a choice. I told some other kids to get their parents too. We met up at the drenched kid's house and I told his dad. He only half believed me, but he then went to tell the punk's mom. The punk's mom sort of listen to the drenched kid's dad. The punk's mom brought a blanket. I was wondering what for. So I had to show them the way to the pond. We all walked fast enough that it was basically a run to the pond.
Just as we got to the edge of the road that was leading to the pond, we all saw a naked boy running down partially covered in broken reeds. I knew it was the punk that beat me up. His mom ran over and covered him with the blanket. I just dawned upon me, that she knew exactly what the blanket was for. Another adult helped carried the kid back home. As we hurried back home, the drenched kid's dad was really furious at his son. He got a reed and really whipped the drenched kid. I sort of felt sorry for him but he deserved that. Partially for not wanting to go tell an adult about it either.
We made it to the punk's house. They took him in. I stayed outside for a long time. I knew we had history. He wasn't really a friend to me, yet somehow I went out of my way to help save him. I stared at their house, stared at the sun, stared at the grass and trees. I finally made up my mind and walked up to the door. I can still see the scratches from me beating on the door with the stick. I opened the door and walked in. I walked upstairs into the room where they've brought him in. The punk was under a lot of blankets shivering in shock. For a brief moment I felt sorry for him. He was stripped, performed sexual acts, molested, and nearly drowned. I said to him, you're going to be okay now. That was really the last time I would see him. I still haven't forgiven him. In a way, he got what he deserved. Only that it was a bit much more than what any kid deserves.
It was a few years ago while I was playing volleyball. He saw me and recognized me as I recognized him the same. Only difference now was that I was nearly twice his size now. How strange how someone who was twice my size when we were kids had only grown up to be half my size as an adult. There was nothing to say. Really I sort of expected him to apologize for beating the crap out of me as kids but he didn't . He was ashamed. Still I didn't say anything. I didn't even mentioned to him, that the person who probably saved his life was me. I don't know what stories anyone will tell afterwards from that one shocking day. Maybe he could've made it back home by himself who knows. Still that was one day that he was fighting for his life.
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It was a whole year that summer came around again and one year older I became from that shocking summer ordeal with me and that punk. School came by, winter, came by, spring came by, and I was still pretty much a loner. Anyway a new Hmong family moved into the neighborhood. The other kids wouldn't play with them becuase they were different and strange looking. That's what everybody says about them. There were three boys and they had a toddler sister. Everybody made fun of the toddler girl and said that her mouth was like a bird's beak.
Well I became friends with them over a short period. We did a lot of things together. The oldest brother was kind of skinny and dark skin. He had a strange face. One with slightly forward angled teeth. The other two brothers were more normal by our kids standards. Yeah one of them did had a bird beak mouth. The youngest was my age but he was a tad slow in the head and had a rather oversized head. Well he wasn't really slow, but slower than the rest of us. So these kids did get teased quite a bit. I was just a loner and so it kind of worked out. Well I was optomistic.
It was one day that I finally did say that their toddler sister really does have a mouth like a bird's beak. That's was a day that the three of them decided that they weren't going to take any of that. They pushed me down and started to get physical. That's when I told them exactly what the other kids were teasing them about. Bent Teethy, Bird Beak, and Cowhead, were their teased names. Somehow I found myself in another fight. Three against one. All of them bigger than I was. Bent Teethy was a skinny fellow and physically weak. He stood nearly two heads taller than I. Bird Beak was average in size and was a fully over one head taller. Cowhead was my age but a big bone and big headed kid, strong but slow and nearly a full head taller than I. I had to use movie kung fu once more.
Bird Beak clearly could out punch me in terms of strength and reach. I pommel me repeatedly. I kicked Bird Beak in the guts, and he goes down. Cowhead was an ogre in punch strength but slow in motion. He was strong and wouldn't go down in one punch. I had to rapid punch him in the gut. He stumbles backwards, but strong ox as he was, he wouldn't go down. But I had to do a combination of a foot sweep and rapid fire punch to knock him down. Bent Teethy was fast and had the full advantage of height and reach. However he was a total weakling and all what he did was pick up sand and toss it in my face and into my hair. I couldn't hit the guy at all. It just seemed like the three against one was nothing more than me taking turns at each of them in a handicapped tag team fight. I knock one down and the other kid is in my face.
I have no idea how long this went back and forth. It eventually came down to me really knocking Bird Beak down and he didn't get back up anymore. It was probably a hard gut punch knocking the wind out of him. Cowhead had to go down as well. The rapid fire punch wasn't enough to take him out. So I somehow finished the combo with a kick to the gut to knock the wind out of him. All that was left was Bent Teethy. I saw him and he threw more sand in my face. At the moment of me blocking the impact and closing my eyes, Bent Teethy took off running home. That coward took off. I was mad, I took some sand and toss it into Bird Beak's face. I took another scoop of sand and rubbed that into Cowhead's hair.
I just realized that I was crying and so were they. I just walked away crying. I knew they weren't my friends. I knew it was because I said that their little sister had a bird beak mouth. As I got close towards home. My two older cousins were just standing there. They said that they say the whole thing but didn't know it was me fighting the other three kids. All I said to them was why didn't they helped me. I went home crying.
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I never realized you had such a violent childhood. :-\
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i'm so sorry for all the hurt you went through in your younger years. :(
do u ever seen any of those, whom, fought with u, around now?
Once in a while I see someone that I recognize and they recognize me as well, growing up. After going through hundreds of fights, I kind of forget how many people I've dealt with.
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I never realized you had such a violent childhood. :-\
That's just the childhood past. The adult part is way too serious to ever resurface.
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There’s one thing about growing up and going to church that brings a realization that makes one question the preaching of love, forgiveness, and salvation from the word of God. That’s in part due to the children of the pastor that were nothing but a bunch of gangster thugs. Well just the boys were. They and their cousins were acting like mafia gangsters. If you should be different in any way, they sure make your life a living hell.
It was back in the early 80’s and I was about 8 years old or so when I started to go to that newly formed church. Its one thing to be able to read and comprehend the scriptures, so the thugs made it a point to prove how godly mighty they were. Something of which I didn’t know was that it really didn’t help my case to constantly get all the Bible quizzes correct while everybody else gets it mostly wrong. I never saw it coming until one day.
It was small things at first, they pretend to actually pushed me in the hallways or down the stairs, followed by hysterical chuckles. Of course they fail because I was always quick to catch my balance. Then they attempted to trip me or seriously kick me from behind. Of which that failed too. This would go on week after week at church. So naturally I went straight to the Pastor, their dad, uncle, elder. I told him about it but he brushed me off as if it’s not his problem. I knew it then that I would have to deal it on my own.
Eventually the thugs started to slap the back of my head and that wasn’t enough. They then eventually started to punch me from behind. One day I had enough of that abuse. It was walking through a corridor in the hallway just before the stairs. I turned around and faced all five thugs. The doorway was my advantage because they were all on one side and I was on the other. I kicked and punch and beat them almost one by one as they came through the doorway. That was day one of when I fought back. Three of them were knocked down and the remaining two were just cowards.
It wasn’t enough to stop them as the following week they wanted a rematch. Only this time they brought sticks and attacked me before class. They chased me down the hallways and once again I used the doorway to my advantage. Slam it in their face and come out and beat them. I took several good stick beatings in the process. I couldn’t fight five thugs with sticks at one time. Then for some instinctive reaction I used the wall and jump kick off of it. Landed a good facial on the first thug. It sort of shocked the rest of them which allowed me to follow up with some rapid fire punches on two more of them. After knocking down three of them I was able to get my hand on one of the sticks. The other two thugs started to run away and I chased them. They ran into the classroom and the teacher was there so I just dropped my stick and walked into the classroom. The teacher thought we all looked kind of beaten up. Eventually the other three thugs came to class. We sat across from each other with evil eyes at each other.
The thugs didn’t bother me for a few weeks after that, but they were just really planning on making me pay for it. Finally one day, they got all their older brothers and cousins together too. Now we’re talking about five more thugs of ages between sixteen to eighteen years of age. So ten of them this time, they had made a plan to trap me in the hallway. Five of them chased me while the other five waited for me. They caught me in their trap. They held me as they each took their time beating the crap out of me. I was really in for the fight of my life at this moment. This went on for several minutes, but then a teacher saw what was happening. He yelled at them and they all took off. I’m sure he saw who they were and I even told that teacher directly who they were. He gave me the look of there’s nothing he could really say or do because they were the Pastor’s sons and nephews.
After that incident they sort of left me alone for a while the following weeks. However one of their younger cousin decided to pick a fight with me. So the taunts me, kicks me, and then runs away. He always runs back to his classroom so I couldn’t do anything. Then one day he does this again and I chase him really close. I kicked him as he was about to run into his classroom. Only he fumbled and his head hit the corner on the corridor. Next thing I saw was that he was bleeding from his forehead. The teacher took him away and I went to class. The following week I saw him with stitches on his forehead. He didn’t bother me anymore after that incident. The church thugs didn’t bother me anymore after that.
Then one day there was an incident in the parking lot. Apparently the thugs got into an argument with a rival gang. The rival gang came out to lay a beating on them. It was the pastor’s eldest son who got the beating. Rumor was that they smashed his car up too. The pastor was furious as the rumors of his gangster sons and nephew’s was all now out in the open. I thought to myself, that maybe God did it. However I kind of knew God didn’t do any of that. Those gangster thugs had it coming and probably why they haven’t been bothering me. They were too busy fighting that other gang. Stupid church people tried to defend the church thugs reputation and said it wasn't his fault. How can it be his fault when the rest of his thugs ran away and left him? Still you've got to do something pretty assinine to make a rival gang follow you to church. Somethings I was just to young to understand and will never know. I do know that there was a huge church falling with members leaving that church following that.
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How many churches did you attend? ???
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How many churches did you attend? ???
So many I lose count...
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All the pastors I knew would have given their sons a good beating for trying that crap.
I've met some pretty cool PK's. I've seen some pretty spoiled/bad ones as well. :-\ Looks like you encountered some bad ones. I hope you have some good childhood memories. Seems like all you did was fight. :(
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All the pastors I knew would have given their sons a good beating for trying that crap.
I've met some pretty cool PK's. I've seen some pretty spoiled/bad ones as well. :-\ Looks like you encountered some bad ones. I hope you have some good childhood memories. Seems like all you did was fight. :(
Every other pastor I knew would've lay down the law on their sons. I could say this pastor was probably one of the first to just be in it for the money and reputation. Back then, everybody was really ignorant. The few with education, were basically annointed leaders.
All I've done was fight. From childhood to adult. There are only two reasons that I can think of why. First, I'm smaller than everybody else. Second, I was book smarter than everybody else. Nobody likes a five year old who can do mutliplication and division and reads at fourth grade level. Nobody likes a fourth grader who reads at a high school senior level. Everybody wants their children to be a genious, but nobody likes a poor prodigy. In otherwords, I was labeled a trouble maker, but never understood it. My own father would beat the living daylight out of me for fighting. So I always get a double beating regardless.
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There’s one rival that I have no idea or can’t remember how it got started with my cousin. I think that when we were little children, we might have fought over one toy or something and it just carried over. Maybe it was just the way how he looked at me and likewise how I looked back at him. Maybe it’s because I saw in him a tough guy and he saw the same in me.
I do remember one clear thing about the way how he fought. He was a scratcher. He didn’t punch but grabs and scratches. I remember the scratch wounds on my face and arms whenever we fought. It also serves as a reminder constantly for every time afterwards when I see him. We just fight as that was pretty much our relationship. At any family gatherings, we just fought at first sight of each other. The two of us were so much alike in many ways. We were labeled as trouble makers, tough as nails.
It was only a few years later that when we grew up some, that the both of us just simply couldn’t remember why we were always fighting each other. Neither of us knows who can beat up whom, but it doesn’t matter. We both know we’re tough guys and that’s all that matters. Well more like we both knew that we’re cousins and that’s what matters.
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I remember one day in middle school just walking to class minding my own business when suddenly someone started to try to trip me from behind. I ignored it at first but then it became a punch from behind. I turn around and saw one of the star football player who's about twice my size saying, you wanna go? Well he was all muscles weighed in about 180 lbs and he had two more punks backing him up. Compared to me I was only a shy 100 lbs of skin and bones. I had no idea what his problem was and I was going to be late for class too. But whatever, I said yeah let's go. Since I knew the other two punks were just loudmouth cowards anyway.
He came at me and I gave him a sharp punch to his face. I thought it would've been enough to knock him down, but someone twice my size wasn't going to go down when I'm too darn busy carrying three text books and three notebooks on my hands. Basically I was fighting handicapped while his punk buddies were holding his books. He stood his ground and so did I. But I took off because it was too open for the three punks to surround me and I didn't know for sure how many more football punks were going to come at me. This was the first time I had to fight being seriously handicapped and off balance with several textbooks in hand.
Unfortunately class was downstairs, so I had to run that way. I turn around at halfway at the stairs and looked that the punk was still chasing me. I tried a jump kick but since he had the high ground it wasn't that effective. I merely only kicked him in the shin with minimal force. Again problem with carrying all those other textbooks didn't help me. He didn't go down and held his ground. His other buddies were coming to his rescue so I took off again.
I thought I made it to the classroom as I saw the doorway and I slowed down thinking that maybe he would've gave up. Just as I came to a walking pace at the doorway, he caught me from behind. Totally surprised me that he was that quick to had caught up with me. He started to punch me repeatedly as I stood there in the doorway. He continously threaten me with beating me up later. The teacher saw what was happening and as the teacher approached, the football punk took off. I didn't say anything to the teacher, and the teacher didn't ask anything more of it. I had now idea why I didn't just through my books away and went at him straight on. Maybe it's because I'm going to see him for the rest of the school year or the next few years until graduation or something. Maybe I didn't want to lose my honor behing on the ground and picking up my textbooks.
Well I still saw that star football punk throughout school for the rest of the year, but then he never messed with me anymore. I don't know if he figured out that he wouldn't mess with me anymore or if he realized that he really couldn't fight me head on, one against one. Maybe he figured I wasn't just another wimpy geek, but was a every bit as athletic as he was and only half his size. Maybe his head cleared for just a moment and realized he would be kicked off the football team if he was caught fighing, especially against a geek half his size too. Still wasn't the end of my fights with the football team.
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If there’s one thing that makes people want to pick a fight with you, it’s purely being physically smaller than they are. Sure there’s the sense of honor of never hitting a girl, but when she’s more than a head taller than you are and easily twice as strong as you are what are you going to do? That’s when I figure that not every fight has to be won or fought with punches or kicks.
The first method is no more than dodging and letting them hurt themselves if it’s the physically aggressive girl type. The next method is merely just tripping them and making them look foolish when they’re out of balance. Not that you have to actively try to trip them, but more like letting them trip on themselves. The last is merely cry. Nobody likes a crying boy, but people dislike a physically bullying girl more than anything else. The crying only works simply because I was significantly physically smaller. These methods work up to a point till I grew physically stronger than the mean girls. Also they’ll leave you alone if you go beat up their boyfriend instead.
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Also they’ll leave you alone if you go beat up their boyfriend instead.
...:2funny:
Entire journal content: :'(
I've been in physical fights before (not as extreme as yours) as a child and I understand that they're never fun. Still to this day, it's very difficult to sink in that children could fight each other like the lowest of beasts. As children, we always want happy memories with loving parents/ guardians/ and friends. For some of us, that's just not always the case.
At least, I am happy that those days of excruciating pain during your childhood are no more for you and that you are here. I hope for plenty of blissful days to come your way.
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...:2funny:
Entire journal content: :'(
I've been in physical fights before (not as extreme as yours) as a child and I understand that they're never fun. Still to this day, it's very difficult to sink in that children could fight each other like the lowest of beasts. As children, we always want happy memories with loving parents/ guardians/ and friends. For some of us, that's just not always the case.
At least, I am happy that those days of excruciating pain during your childhood are no more for you and that you are here. I hope for plenty of blissful days to come your way.
I've been in so many fights, I no longer remember. It's just become typical experience. It's one thing to fight off an aggresor and totally different to fight with the intention to harm. It's just a surprise that nothing lethal has ever happend and if it did, I never heard of it afterwards.
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I've been in so many fights, I no longer remember. It's just become typical experience. It's one thing to fight off an aggresor and totally different to fight with the intention to harm. It's just a surprise that nothing lethal has ever happend and if it did, I never heard of it afterwards.
From my perspective, I would consider your experiences lethal... in a metaphorical way. Many people, including children, are afraid of death because they are unsure of what happens afterward. I've observed that most people fight just to hurt one another either to defend themselves, to scare their victims, or to hold their "ranks"; not to literally murder.
Bullying still happens to this very day, especially at school. There are many schools that would just rather not have anything to do with it. I think this is a serious epidemic we on the face of the Earth cannot entirely rid. People think and act too differently.
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There's always that chicken kick game that boys play on the monkey bars and somehow it always ends up in a fight. I guess some kids are just sore losers. Like usual bigger kids always think that they have a weight advantage. However one also has to consider individual strength as well. I still remember playing that chicken kick game against kids in ages up to 15 years old while I was merely only about 6 or 7 years old. I still remember the few people who cheats by trying to kick your face or your hands. I remember some bloody wounds and then somehow we all agree to a no shoe contest afterwards.
So it goes that one day of playing the chicken kick game, I was caught by the bigger kid's legs. Size has it's advantage since I needed to move one more monkey bar to be able to get in reach of him. That guy basically put his whole weight on me, thinking that I would give but I didn't. I held him for several minutes, while squirming whenever I can to get out of the leg lock grip he had on me. My hands were about to give, but then the guy's hands gave out. He went down and his head basically hit sand first. It was a first, that I had seen anyone's head hitting the ground first. He got up a few moments later and he was pissed, while I was still celebrating my victory doing the monkey swing celebration.
Next thing I knew he's throwing sand at me and then followed with some punches. I had no idea so I just did the natural reaction of wild kicking. Must had landed a few good ones on him for him to back off or I was just too wild. I drop down pissed off as ever and looked the guy straight i the eye. Next thing I knew he took off!. I was going to chase him but I still had sand in my eyes. For some reason, I don't ever remember us playing that chicken kick game on the monkey bars ever after that.
I still have the unofficial claim as king of the monkey bar chicken kick champ...chimp really.
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From my perspective, I would consider your experiences lethal... in a metaphorical way. Many people, including children, are afraid of death because they are unsure of what happens afterward. I've observed that most people fight just to hurt one another either to scare their victims or hold their "ranks", not to literally murder.
Bullying still happens to this very day, especially at school. There are many schools that would just rather not have anything to do with it. I think this is a serious epidemic we on the face of the Earth cannot entirely rid. People think and act too differently.
Seeing street fights break out in front of me, do not phase me at all. It never surprises me how white boys are the most cowards, yet they start the most fights. It also never surprises me how black boys always throws the first punch. The Asians or in my case Hmong boys mostly sucker punch only. To diffuse fight with white boys, it's bringing up the obvious that you're here to enjoy your time and so are they so just let it be. For black boys, you need to take out his closest buddy and they'll usually back off. If you get physical with the aggressor, his posse will gang up on you. For the Asians/Hmong boys, it's a numbers thing. They wont start anything if there's less of them. Everybody is diffferent, but that generalization works pretty well.
Knowing what I know, I'm still dumbfounded why I never pull a lethal move on anyone. Maybe it just never occur to me at the moment that my aggressor has intention to seriously send me six feet under. I think that would kind of require an after action review to assess the risks involved. Something this stupid kid don't even give a second thought too, till years later.
Bullies do need to be smacked. It's when they know that they can get hurt, they'll back off.
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I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted here...still life in itself is still a fight for survival everyday.
I remember while being in the military when I had one extremely lousy commander. However as it goes, while we were awaiting deployment in Georgia and living in cold humid barracks, I fell terribly ill. Then they shipped us out to Germany. Well it didn't help at all either. I was still in a cold humid environment... turns out I succumbed to bronchitis. Well it could have been pneumonia for all I know and military doctors are just plain lazy. The gave me some pretty potent medicine that also basically left me bed ridden. I swear I felt like I was lying on my death bed for the next two weeks. I was weaken to the point where I felt utterly useless. During this deployment I also failed my physical fitness test for the very first time in my life and I couldn't not recover afterwards. I went from being able to bench over 390 lbs and leg press over 1200 lbs to being so weak, I couldn't even bench the bare bone bar. For the first time it also took me over 12 minutes to run one mile and I needed to run two miles.
Anyway the most important thing about going on deployment was the opportunity to go to leadership school to get promoted. Well when I asked my commander why I still haven't been scheduled to leadership school...That selfish bastard basically didn't have a good answer. Heck I was doing the entire mission's work of more than two level above my rank. Yet I wasn't even being slotted to go to leadership school for promotion. The worst thing was that I was the only person in all of the entire reserve army that could do the job. Even more idiotic was I able to perform the job better than any of the active military counterpart... I had to also even help out both the Navy and Air Force people get their act together. Well after all that was said and done....not a single person actually really thanked me. Sure I got the typical thank you that everybody get cookie cutter thank you letter. But what burns me most of all is that I'm just a Hmong person and they just didn't give a coot how much I fought to fix all of their mistakes. I think that was really the issue...I saw their mistakes and I fixed it.
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Glad to see you writing again.
You surely deserve more credit. It's unfortunate that these things go unappreciated. You have a good heart. I think some people are just born with a good heart even after being put under so much pain.
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Glad to see you writing again.
You surely deserve more credit. It's unfortunate that these things go unappreciated. You have a good heart. I think some people are just born with a good heart even after being put under so much pain.
Thank you for your reply. I just think that God is testing me, even though it's more like God is punishing me. Although it's more like kind people will always be taken advantage of.
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Mister Villain,
Make a list. I have a half tank of gas and a list of people to beat up. You do mine, and I'll do yours.
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I used to believe that it would be worth it to fight for love. Maybe it still is, but at this point in life, it's not. Since love can either be a strength or weakness, it just depends on which cycle it falls upon. Every fight is different, the meaning for the fight, the reason for the fight, the resolve for the fight. For every ebb and flow in the force, there's also a pause in between. When the longest pause comes, it's a prelude for the biggest ebb or flow of destruction and chaos.
If I was to win at love, I suppose I would still feel that love could conquer all obstacles. However since I lose at love again, I have to default that love is a very weak force. After all I have two children to raise with love and kindness. In essence I was the single parent all of their lives, since their mom was never in any shape or form a mother to them other than giving birth to them. Never would I had thought I would end up with such a person who's transgression goes beyond my imagination. I think that the post-pregnancy depression is a lousy excuse for a mother's negligence of their own child to the point of passive homicidal attempts. Let's just say that I will kill to protect my children, even if it was their mother. Pause right there.
Is this how love changes...or my reason(s) changes? It's not that I don't love my wife, it's that my love doesn't matter to a heartless person. So heartless that she will kill her own children just so she can go out and have fun. I have no idea of what she consider's fun, but adultery seems to be a big part of it. What can I say, once a cheater is always a cheater. The elder's advice of loving your wife too much and she will turn on you. Yes, there was wisdom in that. I regret accepting her and being used by her. I regret bringing into this world two children that will face a lot of hardship yet to come in their lives. However I cannot live my life in regret. Pause right there.
I have to live for my children. I have to fight for my children. Nobody knows how to be a parent until it's too late and I'm no exception. I do hate being stuck on pause or attempting to climb out of a pit that's keeps getting bigger and deeper. I grow weary of life in itself. Yet I still have no idea why I'm thankful for being alive. For my salvation, for my next life, for my children...
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Mister Villain,
Make a list. I have a half tank of gas and a list of people to beat up. You do mine, and I'll do yours.
LOL...my only problem is that I might end up killing people while trying to scare them.
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I'm absolutely okay with that. =D
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I'm trying to fight back the tears. I just lost vision in one eye. I don't want to go blind yet. I still want to see my children grow up. See if I may still have love in my life.
I know she tells me that she will probably burn in hell. I said to her, no she won't because the devil wouldn't want her. Actually I would've fought off heaven and collide that into hell, just for her. So that she wouldn't burn in hell. Oh and kill a god or two in the process, if I have to do the impossible.
I think my vision lost might be permanent now. Now I understand how a person who's cried so much that their eyes have gone blind. Now I understand how a person who weeps so much that they can die of a broken heart. I used to think those were just metaphorically speaking, but in fact those are very real.
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Just fighting for a little bit of peace and sleep. I work at night leaving for work at 6pm and generally coming home between the hours of 3-5 am in the morning. My body is beat up and it’s already hard enough to just rest and go to sleep with an aching and hurting body.
It’s so difficult when you have an ex-spouse who still insists on playing her dating games with other people and insists on coming home to sleep under your roof. Her claimed reason is to help watch the children, like be there to take them to school and be there to bring them home from school. Yet for the past few months, well like from Oct. of 2013, she has done so little of it up through the month of March 2014. In fact nearly all of the missed school days for the children was her making them miss the bus stop in the morning. And then of course when she can’t stand the children pestering her and she feels the need to get away from them. So then in the end, I have to get up to send the children to school when they miss the bus. It’s that it’s unnecessary, but she does it to disturb my sleep so I can’t get any sleep in. Some days I probably get only like about 1 hour of rem sleep. Most days, I get like a total of 4-5 hours of sleep but broken throughout the day. It’s no wonder I’m so tired all the time. This and add into the fear of her doing something crazy like maybe just trying to kill you in your sleep still haunts me at time. It’s also part of why I constantly have nightmares of always someone trying to kill me. That makes sleep in itself even more difficult. I go to a point where I get so tired that when I do finally fall asleep from exhaustion, I sleep like a rock without any sense of what’s happening around me. I’m usually at my most vulnerable times like these. It’s also when the ex-spouse steal the truck keys and off she goes to the casino and off she goes to commit adultery. Yes she usually empties my wallet of any cash, too.
Many times I wake up hours later, the kids are telling me they are very hungry and haven’t eaten anything. Well that just pisses me off. Their mother’s negligence and ignoring her kids. Their mother’s negligence is nothing new. That’s been happening from the day they were born. Still with the lack of proper rest and sleep. I have to fight my exhaustion and get up and cook something to feed my children. Of course afterwards I’ll be too angry and frustrated to go back to sleep. Often times, the ex-spouse won’t come home until 24-48 hours later. She typically claims she’s lost all of the money. Of which more than likely she lost it and still holds out whatever cash she has left somewhere else. Because afterwards a few days later, she will still manage to sneak out to the casino…like riding the bus for example and then have money to spend at the casino again. For someone who has no money, she sure has a lot of money from nowhere to gamble all the time. Again gambling isn’t the problem, it’s just the symptom. Getting away from her responsibility as a mother and wife is the problem. Child negligence, is a normal routine for her. I cannot fight her on that anymore. I’m just so tired of her, her negligence.
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So confusing. Ex-spouse but lives with you?
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Fighting for a little pants room. I don't know why or how the rest of them guys can wear straight cut pants. I mean, there's no room in the pelvic area. It's too cramped. It all creeps up on me. the material rubs up and rides onto one side, while I'm sitting down. If I had to crouch down to pick something off the floor or something, well it then is really stretched at the seems and all. Gotta be careful there to not pinch something. I don't care if people say it looks better or makes you look younger. Nope, I just doesn't feel comfortable. I'm not sure if I want to wear that straight cut pants anymore, and I even bought it one size larger mitigate the problem I was gonna have.
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I must have grown weary fighting the tide of normalcy. The normal things that most people are afraid to stand up and voice against. Maybe I’m just full of dementia or what not. Maybe I am just that who I am. My inner nature to always stand up for the weak. My inner nature to always have compassion when others have none. Maybe I’m just foolish in believing the goodness of people. That’s because I have seen the goodness of a few people in their act, aside from thousands who could care less. If I didn’t pay it forward, then who will? Actually I think I’m the source of It rather than just simply paying it forward. My nature to just simply fight selfishness and offer a helping hand. Can I really fight my own nature? I suppose I cannot.
Can I really love again? I do not know. I cannot say. I want to change my future. That’s all. I want to fight that bleak future of mine. I still do. No matter who tries to upset me, I will pull that part of my nature out and let my beauty overflow from within me once again. I hope it’s not too late for me. No, I have faith that no matter how long it takes, at least I know I was the best, saved for the best.
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I must have grown weary fighting the tide of normalcy. The normal things that most people are afraid to stand up and voice against. Maybe I’m just full of dementia or what not. Maybe I am just that who I am. My inner nature to always stand up for the weak. My inner nature to always have compassion when others have none. Maybe I’m just foolish in believing the goodness of people. That’s because I have seen the goodness of a few people in their act, aside from thousands who could care less. If I didn’t pay it forward, then who will? Actually I think I’m the source of It rather than just simply paying it forward. My nature to just simply fight selfishness and offer a helping hand. Can I really fight my own nature? I suppose I cannot.
Can I really love again? I do not know. I cannot say. I want to change my future. That’s all. I want to fight that bleak future of mine. I still do. No matter who tries to upset me, I will pull that part of my nature out and let my beauty overflow from within me once again. I hope it’s not too late for me. No, I have faith that no matter how long it takes, at least I know I was the best, saved for the best.
This is a great way to look at life (in the bold).
It's never too late when you're still alive. :)
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This is a great way to look at life (in the bold).
It's never too late when you're still alive. :)
Yes thank you. It's what gives me hope in life. Hope that at least I helped one person to remember how I change the way they will look at life.
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To fight the reality of looking at things in a pessimistic way. If I had to think about my relationship. I had spent more time in divorce than I had spent my time in attempting to love. I gave it my all, but all of it went into the trash. The reality of it as I look at it is that love has been nonexistent in my live. Not love from my parents or family. Not love from the person who I made vows to.
My children, they seem to be changing much from these past few months. The reality of divorce forces them to choose. I guess it’s natural for my children to choose their mom over love. The only love that they have is the love from their father, me. They choose poorly, but they are children. I have to fight this pessimistic view. Since I know my children has told me many times that they love me. When my ex hears that, she always has to step in and make her children say to her that they love her too. Just saying it out loud and having it come from the heart are two totally different things. I have the love from the heart of my children. That’s hope for a good future. As long as those mind games from the ex does not end up corrupting the hearts of my children, my children will grow up to me kind, loving people like me.
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To fight my feelings of contempt, for my ex. I want to try to remember the good experience by somehow it’s all overshadowed by heinous acts on her selfish part. She’s always say things like tough love is still love. Well I still don’t believe any of that. If that was her philosophy then how come it didn’t work on her? Was she such a hypocrite? Perhaps, but it’s real just selfishness on her part.
Did I have a chance at love? Perhaps it was a chance but my love was never given a fair chance. Our relationship never grew beyond what she perceived at honeymoon phase for her. So now all my living years have been wasted. Time is something we can never get back. My journey, my footprints in the sands and mud, over rocks and thorns, all memories of hardship one after another. It’s no wonder I sleep with nightmares all the time. My heart is unrested and full or resentments. I want to fight all of this off so badly and it’s just not working. So just surviving day after day is not enough anymore.
I want to help others, so that I can find my own answers to help myself. That nature of myself is calling me back to who I am. I think I can’t fight that part of myself either.
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VH – in order to heal we must let go. Not just for our sanity but for the well-being of our children involved. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It means we are ready to start that next chapter of our life no matter what it is. It means we let go of the anger. It means we aspire to be the best parent we can become – not to compete and show the ex who is better. Children are very smart and at times they may not express it, they know that a parent’s love is more than mere words expressed verbally every now and then.
I’m not discounting your thoughts and feelings on this issue. As your sister I’m saying, “Bro it’s time to just let go.” Don’t let our past mistakes define who we are but rather assist us in making better decisions in life forward.
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One thing is I've only have a little over 10 years of life memory, of which I spent like 8 yrs in this relationship. I can't let go of basically the only memories of my entire life, if you can understand the concept of what I'm saying. Some of my first memories that returned were basically infant memories. Even then those are fragmented. I've pieced together missing memories by what people have told me and by other documents of where I've been and such. Those memories may have flashed back at times to me, but they are more like memories of reading a book or watching a movie. The few people who could fill me in about most of those memories are not part of my life now. So in my disposition, I can't let it go. I have nothing to substitute in place of it. All I have is each new day with my children.
I understand that for healing to begin...I need to get over just surviving day to day.
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I still care for her well being very much. After all it's the children who misses their mom. They truly miss having a mom who would've been around and taken care of them like I have been doing so. If she wasn't around anymore, I wonder how my children will grow up? Will they constantly ask me to find them another mom? Yet they do not understand the full complexity of the situation. They just want to be a family, with a mom, dad, and children together.
Am I trying to remember good memories or am I just foolishly still thinking there's goodness in everyone?
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Why do these memories surface now?
When I fell asleep and was told I woke up three days later...the very first words that came out of my mouth was, "Where's my wife and two kids?"
I had no memory of my real self, didn't even know who I am, or where I am at. My roommate, I didn't know who he was either. Most of all don't speak Hmong to someone who's not Hmong. In my comatose state, I had a different life, I was married, had two children, one boy and one girl. I was happy in that state. Felt like we lived in a small cottage surrounded by a nice flowery meadow and looks like we farm for a living. Kind of cliche with a white picket fence or something. And chickens just running around freely.
I remember I was told to go look at my room, so I did. Nothing about it had any signs of me ever being married. I thought that maybe I was kicked out of my home or something. Somehow reality of empty memories just weren't adding up to my current situation.
I remember I was told I stared at my driver's license all day trying to remember who in that picture was. I must have done that for a whole week. I didn't even know how far I could walk being outside. Yes I had to be supervised or else I would've gotten lost. Well all I remember was that I was afraid of getting lost, since I couldn't even remember the apartment number of which I was living.
The first few years of not knowing who I was, am, or could be are all lost memories as well. I couldn't retain much of anything. I still had to look at my driver's license to tell people who I am. Somehow the feeling of me wanting to look for my wife and two kids always lingered in the back of my mind. It was such a strong feeling, that it felt like I really had lived such a life. It didn't even matter that I didn't know what their names were, I didn't even know what my name was either.
The state of confusion I was in and my vulnerability, yes anyone could have taken advantage of me. My life basically had a fresh start from then. One day at a time, exploring the world around me. I was an almost empty shell, I did what basically anyone told me to do. I trusted anyone and everyone. Eventually I gave up on the notion of finding my wife and two kids. If they really were a part of my life, someone should have at least mentioned it to me. Also hindsight is that others just said, I should have never been left alone to sleep for days. I could've really relapsed into an extended coma.
So then there I was reading forums online...someh ow sometime I was looking for a Hmong online forums. To make it short, I eventually came to Hmongvillage.c om and then PH.com. After all of these time, I am back on PH again. I've come basically full circle. Trying to start a new life again. It's as if I've woken up from my coma to a reality of no wife but have two children. How then should I proceed now, exploring my world around me again, one day at a time. Only I'm not as empty as I was before, of which I really need to empty myself of all the negativity, sadness, and resentments in my life.
Yet how?...one day at a time. My head on my shoulders, my chin held up, my eyes on that blurry horizon, all just knowing that I am grateful to be alive. I don't know about healing, I just know about surviving.
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Brother VH,
I invested so much in my past relationship and had many memories of our life together. She didn't cherish it and threw all of our memories away. Even when she had given up, I still didn't want to lose it all for nothing. So I tried to keep those memories; pictures, love letter, poems, and videos of our journey together. She never kept anything I gave her and it went to the trash. I didn't want to let others know what was going on so I played it cool, but deep down in side it was killing me. I tried to be the best person giving her everything I had, but she still took advantage of me.
My family told me I was too nice and went to easy on her. I didn't know how to act because I am just a nice person. She left, and her friends were no were to be found, so I kept on helping her and she still took advantage of me. I did so much after our break up to help her on her own two feet. Even went as far as helping her buy a car and a place to stay, but time and time again she didn't know how to cherish me. Guess the saying goes, you don't know what you loss until you lose it.
It kind of sucks because I am the type of person that can't see someone I know go through trouble and be in desperate need. I just have to help them and she didn't know what she loss. I gave her 4 chances, but yet she had the guts to no be thankful for what I have done.
I am the type of person that if you don't love each other anymore then its better to go your own ways. I don't like arguing or fighting and going the extreme route.
After our 6 months of separation, I gave up and called it quits. It was hard to get rid of our past memories, but you have to remember that if you're too caught up living in the past then you will not have a future. Why live in those memories, when they mean nothing. Revert back to the real you. Forever young.
I finally made my decision and threw away our pictures together. Threw away the love letter, vids, and everything we had together. It was the best feeling to know I am finally free of her.
I hope you can overcome your obstacles and don't live in the past anymore. Don't let the past memories be a road block for your happiness. I realized that I was in a diluted dimension where I had hope for her to come back, but then I didn't want to experience all those pain again.
Jump out of cycle and find yourself. Know who you are and what you want. It is time to let go and forget about those memories that didn't live up to the expectations. When you do it and wake up without thinking about her or how she is doing then you will finally be free. ;)
I am not sure if I read it correctly, but you mentioned she's still living with you? If so, if you're not together anymore then it's pack her bags or your bags and move on. There are way nicer women out there who knows how to treat us guys better and we just haven't found them yet. Hope you make the best decision so your heart will be free.
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One thing is I've only have a little over 10 years of life memory, of which I spent like 8 yrs in this relationship. I can't let go of basically the only memories of my entire life, if you can understand the concept of what I'm saying.
I understand your concept. What I meant was to let go of the hurt. Cherish the good times. Don’t let the bitterness trap you in the past. I often see people get so worked up about past that they forget to keep living in building a future. Trust me I’ve had my share of being with other women and all they can do is bicker about how horrible their ex was etc. They are often surprised that I don’t join in and talk about my ex. I’ve learned a long time ago that I can only control my own thoughts and feelings. I can’t control what my ex is doing or isn’t doing as a parent – so what’s the point of wasting my time and energy on something that is out of my control? I think there comes a time when we have to say to ourselves that enough is enough.
For myself, I could look at it negatively and let it beat me up every time on a daily basis. But I’m a believer in life that everyone has the power to change the direction of their life. It may not be an easy choice, it may not feel good, it may bring tears and loneliness but ultimately we all do have a choice in how we want to feel daily.
One day you will get there, I just know it. :)
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I think I'm still writing the epilogue of this part of my life. Trying to find a true closure to the end of the relationship. I have so little good memories to draw upon. In part it's all about closure. I just don't want to look back upon any of it. Looking back is just full of misery and resentments. All I know is I'm here at this moment in my life. Everyday, I look forward to making a closure to it. The first big part of that closure is the finalized divorce and that has been done with. The second big part is scheduled at the end of the school year, so that's coming up. Since there has been very little of anything good so far, it should be very easy to find better things in the future.
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Letting go is only as hard as you let it be. Mind over matter, forgive and let go. What's done is done.
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Yes...I seem to have a sort of scheduled time.
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So it may be and that's alright brother. Just stick to it and don't look back. I know you can do it.
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I don't feel like my back is up against a wall or I'm pushed into a corner anymore. My window is open. The sun is shining through the window. All I need to do is open the door and walk out. To find a new world is waiting for me.
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There you go! Kick it wide open, take some names and kicking some asses. ;D
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LOL...or finally join an events club and start doing things again.
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I don't feel like my back is up against a wall or I'm pushed into a corner anymore. My window is open. The sun is shining through the window. All I need to do is open the door and walk out. To find a new world is waiting for me.
From my observation so far VH...the door has been opened-you just need to take the step when you are ready :)
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There you go! Kick it wide open, take some names and kicking some asses. ;D
DITTO
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From my observation so far VH...the door has been opened-you just need to take the step when you are ready :)
Yes...when I'm ready...soon.
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LOL...or finally join an events club and start doing things again.
Anything is better than self pity. There are things in life we certainly can't take back. But not moving on or living is just a shame. Time keeper comes for everyone.
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So....tell us what you fought for today....do share :)
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So....tell us what you fought for today....do share :)
I fight...um the big pile of paper that hits my desk at 5 pm cutoff time....so everybody leaves work and I'm still at work. Trying to crunch out as much stuff as possible so I won't be overwhelmed with tomorrow. Since they're always last minute stuff they need to pile on me too. Ah the world of selfless service just to get the job done.
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Fishing season had already begun. It's time to find those your special fishing rod and go fishing for those long hair fishes. At least see what's available in the 10,000 lakes. ;) ;) O0
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LOL...I almost thought you meant fishing literally. However I don't think my boat is a go this year. No working batteries. :(
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Jump start that battery, the sooner the faster it will get charged.
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Start fixing your boat....winter is practically over now ;D
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Here's one for you....
Begin Again - Jason Gray
http://youtu.be/bSkwy2BgZZk (http://youtu.be/bSkwy2BgZZk)
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Here's one for you....
Begin Again - Jason Gray
Thanks for the song. sister.
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Don't need a boat because people will throw sinkers at you if you're blocking their way. Go to the shore and watch the boats. Throw in a hook. Watch and see if you're using the right bait. Catch any fishes and see which is the limit to keep. Easy said than done, but there will be a right time for everything. Opportunities will take its course. It's only a matter of time and you will bring a cooler full of only one special fish. That fish like in the hmong story will cook, clean, love, and show you with happiness. ;)
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Don't need a boat because people will throw sinkers at you if you're blocking their way. Go to the shore and watch the boats. Throw in a hook. Watch and see if you're using the right bait. Catch any fishes and see which is the limit to keep. Easy said than done, but there will be a right time for everything. Opportunities will take its course. It's only a matter of time and you will bring a cooler full of only one special fish. That fish like in the hmong story will cook, clean, love, and show you with happiness. ;)
Oh I know...I'm gonna be in a booth then. Casting my hook to the mermaids walking by. O0
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Today...I'm fighting off my laziness. I'm trying to make eggrolls for my daughter to eat. Somehow the rainy gloomy weather makes me feel like I need to cuddle up with another body before I can get the motivation I need to make the eggrolls. Alas...when I'm empty handed...I am empty handed. I will make make the eggrolls soon...just taking a my sweet time as I'm in no hurry.
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Yeah i was being lazy today too. Slept while it was rainy. Felt so good!
I was sleeping, then my kids wakes me up...saying "we're hungry again...we don't want egg rolls anymore." How I slaved to make them food... ;D
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haha...LOL. VH, tell me about it. Mine she's a bit older(6) and she knows how to make her self sandwich. My little one thinks she knows everything, guess she got it from me. I already taught mine how to wash the dishes and clean the house although cleaning the house isn't really cleaning. I like to teach kid early with responsibility .
I took her to the Hmong store and she told me she wanted to buy a hmong 2014 ghost movie. I told her I don't have money and she said I do. I told her again, how much do you have in savings and she said 5 bucks. The movie cost 18 bucks. Then I told her we're leaving and when we got to the car. She bugged me again, wanting the movie. She started to cry and I told her okay we can go buy the movie. I gave her the money and had her go pay for it and say thank you in hmong to the lady. We got a free movie.
I told her that sometimes dad don't have the money and she has to understand that. She said she know what I meant, but she also knows I have money so that's why she was bugging me. I saw her the other day and asked if she saw it and she said she got scared and her mom wouldn't watch it with her so she didn't watch it. She wants to watch it with me and we will do that this weekend.
Kids are the sweetest things.
How are your kids?
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They are 6 and 7 years old this year.
They were good at cleaning up after themselves...g ood at making their own sandwiches, and getting a bowl of cereal. They used to wake up, eat breakfast, brush teeth and go to school. Now...they're just lazy because they choose to behave more like their mom. It's like they don't care to go to school since they know mom will just sneak off and play. They feel like why should they go to school everyday while their mom just plays around. They aren't totally ignorant, they do have their suspicions.
My children however do respect me with the money and buying of things. Since they see how hard I worked and how hard I take care of them. So when I say no, I don't just simply say no...I explain to them choices. If we pay for this, then we won't have enough money to pay for something else. They also know that mom is hardly every around, supposedly working. If their mom was supposedly working, how come she always have no money for anything.
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Your kids are the same age as mine. We are very similar in thinking and both love bodybuilding. I think we share a lot of things in common. We are like the two coolest single ph dads. LOL... ;D ;D
Anyone want to married us with children? ;D ;D ;D
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Your kids are the same age as mine. We are very similar in thinking and both love bodybuilding. I think we share a lot of things in common. We are like the two coolest single ph dads. LOL... ;D ;D
Anyone want to married us with children? ;D ;D ;D
That's what I'm thinking. O0 Gotta love us and our children! ;)
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Some day into the future, a shining light will glow from the distance and lit the burned candle. The sun will shine over your horizon and the happy laughter will be heard once again.
The broken pieces will be stitch and heal once more. The best of you will be brought out by her and this is when you know the worthiness of such a kind person. ;)
Have a good day bro.
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Some day into the future, a shining light will glow from the distance and lit the burned candle. The sun will shine over your horizon and the happy laughter will be heard once again.
The broken pieces will be stitch and heal once more. The best of you will be brought out by her and this is when you know the worthiness of such a kind person. ;)
Have a good day bro.
Thanks for the inspiration. I could use a lot of it.
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For some reason, I still end up with these stress nightmares. Fighting stress nightmares. It's the things when someone inflicts frustrations and worries onto me and I guess it just carries over. I'm trying to sleep and while sleeping...ins tead of having wonderful dreams and slipping into REM state, I end up with chaotic nightmares of stress and anxiety. They are just subconscious reminders of the very things that is happening around me.
Alas, I can use a real new start in life. Goodbye to all the old things.
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Why must I skip my lunch hour and skip all my break periods...I'm just a stupid workaholic. I feel like I need someone to pull me away from my desk so I, so I can do lunch...
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Lol bad bad bad bad. Jk. Sorry to know that you got jumped. Thank god I am a girl. But it would be even scarier for a girl in your case. Ahh. Nvm thank God I'm always home. :)
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Lol bad bad bad bad. Jk. Sorry to know that you got jumped. Thank god I am a girl. But it would be even scarier for a girl in your case. Ahh. Nvm thank God I'm always home. :)
LOL...I'm not thanking God for some of the things he put me through. Well the sarcastic thanks gawd. ;D
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Today...I'm fighting off my laziness. I'm trying to make eggrolls for my daughter to eat. Somehow the rainy gloomy weather makes me feel like I need to cuddle up with another body before I can get the motivation I need to make the eggrolls. Alas...when I'm empty handed...I am empty handed. I will make make the eggrolls soon...just taking a my sweet time as I'm in no hurry.
Aw what a good father you are...I would just buy it for her if no one is going to help me make eggrolls...tak es too much time.
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LOL...I'm not thanking God for some of the things he put me through. Well the sarcastic thanks gawd. ;D
Like the bible says...."A time for everything".....there is a purpose in everything that happens to us.
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Like the bible says...."A time for everything".....there is a purpose in everything that happens to us.
In life...somethi ngs are not about what one does or what happens to one. Sometimes it's not about how one does it or how it happens to one. Most of all, it's why one does those things or why those things happens to one.
I look at the what and how...certainl y God appears cruel. The why behind that...who knows. The why...well looks like my integrity has been challenged to falter many times, but I never crossed the point of no return. I wonder in the why...Did God graced me or simply still just testing me? How many more tests? A lifetime?
"A time for everything..." except for me to live a normal life, unless normalcy for me is always fighting for my life.
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In life...somethi ngs are not about what one does or what happens to one. Sometimes it's not about how one does it or how it happens to one. Most of all, it's why one does those things or why those things happens to one.
I look at the what and how...certainl y God appears cruel. The why behind that...who knows. The why...well looks like my integrity has been challenged to falter many times, but I never crossed the point of no return. I wonder in the why...Did God graced me or simply still just testing me? How many more tests? A lifetime?
"A time for everything..." except for me to live a normal life, unless normalcy for me is always fighting for my life.
I guess I will never know how it feels to be you, but only try to understand all the things that you've been through. If Fighting for your life gives you a purpose to live then keep doing it.
Normalcy comes in many form. unless you are searching for the American dreams, then your normalcy will never be like those of others. Normal is what you make it normal.
Sorry I will stop with my opinion now.
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I feel like the guy that God put him through all sorts of pain and torture...and he never once waiver or stray away from his faith in God. Except that's just a story in the bible and he was rewarded afterwards with big family and all.
Normalcy for me growing up...is fighting at the bus stop...fightin g on the bus...fighting in the hallway...figh ting in the classroom...fi ghting in lunch line...fightin g at the lunch table...fighti ng in the hallway...figh ting on the playground...f ighting on the school bus to home...and then sometimes fighting after getting off the school bus. Now this stuff happens like 2-4 times in a week. Not a single adult/teacher or anyone has ever once stepped in and tell these bullies to leave me alone. These are all real fights...you bleed...clothe s ripped...they bleed...they do get hurt as well. Then you add Sunday church to that....you fight before class, sometimes you fight in class, most of the time you fight after class. Except at church, I was 10-12 years old and my opponents were a bunch of 16-18 years old. Not one, but a bunch of at least three to six of them at once. At anyone time...any of these people could've been dead...yes, I've sent my fair share of people straight to the ER. All I was doing was straight up defense.
If you can imagine the most roughest toughest person in the world...I'll be standing toe to toe with that person. You've seen some of your Kung fu and Hollywood Action movies...tone the special effects down and that was me in real life. Not gonna even talk much about the military except some 6'3" 190 lbs dude threw me to the ground after tackling me for a simple training exercise, I got back up and lifted him up with one arm and that's when a bunch of people stopped it. Why, they didn't want their big dude to lose face, and I've seen the look in his eyes....fear and respect.
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Wow. I've only heard stories of, but never known anyone. Thanks for sharing your story. Stand strong through all this. You still have a long life to live.
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As a child I most certainly thought all of that was normal. The constant people bullying me and picking fights with me. I was also the smallest child among my peers growing up and that most certainly didn't help. You can say the 70's, 80's, 90's....weren't so equal in mind. Still a lot of racist hatred and xenophobic hatred.
As a teenager to college student, when you go out and there's trouble...I see most people just freeze or start running away. I seen my shares of fights up close happening right in front of me. At the young adult age, I am much more cautious, since if I wanted to jump in a help someone getting beat up, I have to wonder if my friends would be able to do the same. Unfortunately from my experience, not a single person has that sort of guts or resolve. Furthermore, if one is not a white guy, it's certainly one would go to jail. I've seen my share of PIGS. Yeah, they were like 30 feet away and it still took them over 5 minutes to show up to the fight scene. By that time the thugs have ran away, not once did they asked anyone who witness it to step forward.
I've been pulled over many times for no reason...they make me wait 10-20 minutes...some times here's a ticket you've got a light out, the last one here's a ticket, you've got a crack in your windshield. We live in MN, cold winter, you can get cracks in windshield. The worst of all, some bus driver happened to be Hmong, claimed I was speeding...wow ...no witnesses and I still got a ticket in the mail. Really! Do people just do these bad things to me or does God intend these bad things to happen to me?
I'm sure if God keeps testing me in this manner...one of these days...I will fail his test. I'm only human, with emotions and basic instincts of fight or flight. I know I will fight if I'm backed into a corner...it's biological instinct for survival.
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The situation is delicate and it is exactly the opposite...bec ause I've have such perceptions to view of the beauty of the world. I have been easily taken advantage of. I have been so gullible to believe anyone about everything. Through ignorance repeated over many times, I've been told so many times to, "Open your eyes and see the world for what it really is." Foolishly I'm still believing in my heart to see the beauties of the world.
People do bad things to others because they are bad people who will do it to someone. Sure most people do not humble themselves to such situations to admit being abused, persecuted, and victimized by society. It's not as if the world owes them something and they deserve special treatment for that. I can retell it just the way it is. Why would anyone want to beat up someone just because they lost in a game? If my ignorance of not knowing they were the champ was gonna get me a thrashing, well they no longer hold that title afterwards do they. Sometimes one can't get any respect until some of these things happens.
I choose integrity as one of my asset. It is through integrity that nothing but the truth is up front and nothing about me is in pretense. If such truths about being abused, persecuted, and victimized to accompanied being chivalrous, kind-hearted, and compassionate are gonna be turn offs then I will gladly accept those as my integrity pervades. I have my likes and dislikes in the opposite gender. I have high tolerances for some things and no tolerance for other things.
Perhaps someday I could write a romance saga to my life...but tragedy, satire, and irony is all about the only literary content that makes this an unfinished epic in it's own right. I strive to finish that epic by living it with integrity. If it turns out to be a saga of tragedy only, then maybe it was meant to be that way.
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When I started this journal...my intention was more of a reflection on the past. Somehow it just seems like the journal became one of current events as well.
It's more about...findin g inner strength to move forward despite how cruel the world may appear. Seeing beauty where no other will look.
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I know that all too well VH. The very core strength is within yourself, your children, and your belief. Trust in yourself, believe in your worthiness and have a sole purpose. I promise you, you are not alone in the matter, there are people out there whose going through it as well. When you are ready to let go, reinvent and start your life. You will find that life is truly beautiful and the food will once again taste better, music will speak to you softer, and the laughter will get louder. And every minute of your life will seem pleasant.
Anything beyond that is how you cope and recover, it's what you do with yourself and life that really matter. Not what they make you feel like.
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I know that all too well VH. The very core strength is within yourself, your children, and your belief. Trust in yourself, believe in your worthiness and have a sole purpose. I promise you, you are not alone in the matter, there are people out there whose going through it as well. When you are ready to let go, reinvent and start your life. You will find that life is truly beautiful and the food will once again taste better, music will speak to you softer, and the laughter will get louder. And every minute of your life will seem pleasant.
Anything beyond that is how you cope and recover, it's what you do with yourself and life that really matter. Not what they make you feel like.
Thank you. I know better days will come. It's not going to come because today I decide upon it. It will come of it's own design, whether that will be days from now, months from now, or even years from now, better days will come.
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I know it will come. And I wish you the very best man. If you ever need a friend, I am here.
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So much for trying to get the lawn mower to work...Being sick and all doesn't help me get things done any faster. So now the stores are closed and they gave me the wrong battery...I'm screwed...unti l Tuesday when they're open again. Think people help you...yeah...s crew you over yet again.
Oh well I have other things that will be needing to take care of. My health, rest and recovery.
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Mowing the lawn is such a problem...escp ecially when the neighbor decides to just put up a fence, so now I can't mow in between the trees and the fence. Plus it's on the hills side, pretty steep hill too. Further to complicate it, the ground is always so soft on that side...sand underneath there.
So today mowing, the riding lawn mower slide on the soft sand and is now pinched between the fence and tree. I had to try to move the lawn mower by hand. Well soft sand...only 500 lbs or so lawn mower, with no handle grips to move it. Gosh what a wast of half an hour. I barely moved the lawn mower inch by inch, but the soft sand well, made all that effort naught. So I had to put the riding lawn mower in neutral, push it up kind of on it's side and now it rolls down the hills. CRAAP!!!
The things almost crashed, as I'm grabbing onto it and braking with my fee...on soft sand dirt. I hate how difficult the neighbor has done this. All because he had a super crappy lawn...and now it's all been sodded with new turf and fenced all up, it makes for my mowing, twice the difficulty that It should be. He should've just cut down the trees that ran on the border between both our property, but he only got them trimmed to like dangerous sticks and tree top canopy. So now those tree top branches breaks and are hanging downwards. Too high for me to do anything about it and his fence is in the way, so it needs professional tree cutters to come in to take care of it. Nothing but big waste of money.
No I did not enjoy fighting my riding lawn mower today at all. It left me with a few scratches and painful hands.
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Villa,
Happy Father's Day!! Hope your kids made you breakfast in bed. Lol
LOL. Thanks. I'm sleeping in.
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The one nice day after it's been awhile. Morning walk/run...I guess my feet and legs are feeling it now. Slept in...watch some red box...couldn't stay away...fell asleep watching the movies.
The Hobbit: Desolation of Smog
47 Ronin
Tai Chi Hero
I guess they were all really boring to me. I just didn't have any feel for it. LOL...I lost the fight to stay awake. LOL.
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I finally had to put my foot down. The witch must move out. Her times up. As per agreement, she was supposed to have moved out weeks/months ago. Yet her excuse was...she's too tired, went out and was getting pleasured by her lover. Really she had time for that but no time to pack her things out. Well, some uniformed men are here, to help pack your belonging. They will escort you to your lover's house.
I had to fight my compassion on that, but the leech must go.
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I lost the fish fight today...
Darn that Northern Pike. I thought I had it under control so I decided to slack. Then the beast unleashed it's full power rage on my and my itty bitty line snapped. Gosh, what a total noob mistake I made.
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Went to library but they were closed for staff training.
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My kids are fighting some mild illnesses. I wish they would just get healthy.
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My kids are fighting some mild illnesses. I wish they would just get healthy.
Have you taken them to the doctors? Sometimes the body needs assistance in warding off viruses :)
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Have you taken them to the doctors? Sometimes the body needs assistance in warding off viruses :)
No I have not. Its only mild, its this semi cold weather.
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No I have not. Its only mild, its this semi cold weather.
You reside in MN? If so, the weather is much like most humans, it can't decide if it wants to be fully summer yet so it goes back and forth :P Now if it's Cali, the weater is hawt hawt, can't that sunburn state. My sister's just came from SD, and oh boy they are like fried fish. Peeling all over the place. I told my sister she shoulf os sun tanned nude so there would be even distribution of burnt skin, LOL.
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You reside in MN? If so, the weather is much like most humans, it can't decide if it wants to be fully summer yet so it goes back and forth :P Now if it's Cali, the weater is hawt hawt, can't that sunburn state. My sister's just came from SD, and oh boy they are like fried fish. Peeling all over the place. I told my sister she shoulf os sun tanned nude so there would be even distribution of burnt skin, LOL.
Yeap this hot and cold weather patterns is hard on the immune system.
LOL let them learn their lesson. It takes only less than 15 minutes of direct sun to burn my skin. I have to cover up or sunblock on.
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So I was asleep and had me another fighting dream. How weird it is to dream about falling asleep and dreaming of another dream. It appears I was in middle school fell asleep in one class, dreamt about working in college. Had an altercation with another student with directions, then it turns out to be where to find the best places to eat. Then woke up from that dream.
Notice there was no one in class. I vaguely remember going to class in the morning and now its afternoon. Ah as I became more coherent about my surrounding area, I somehow found myself walking the hallways towards my locker. As I got closer to my locker location I got stopped by a janitor. He says, "Watch out for thieves or other suspicious individuals. There's been a lot of locker thefts."
I continued onwards to my locker location just down this stairwell and then I had this heighten alertness feeling. I noticed my locker was wide open and nothing was left in it. There were two guys in close vicinity with their own lockers open. Why are they hanging around? Then they started to inspect other lockers, somehow spinning the lock combos and proceeded to take out valuables. I confronted them and told them I will call out security. They laughed without any worries. At last the janitor responded as part of security. Somehow he was acting a bit odd.
The janitor was part of the scandal. He started to aggressively take me down. He was laughing insidiously. Now he's taking up a fighting stance with intentions of inflicting physical harm. I found myself engaged in a fight for principles that conflicts. I didn't want to hurt the janitor but I don't know what else to pacify him. So we end up fighting.
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Did you have a tramatic childhood or as a teen you didn't play well with others? :P
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Did you have a tramatic childhood or as a teen you didn't play well with others? :P
I only average two fights per week, maybe like ten pissing matches a week. And about one adult a year will try to kick my arse.
I don't play well with others because I'm usually better than others in most games. It's not my fault for having the longest standing jump or being able to beat the checkers champion. I can't help if I'm the fastest at sit-up or pushups. Didn't matter if I can pitch better or was able to quarterback more pass completions. And all because I barely even tried... So it pisses others off. So that's why they want to fight me to prove that they can beat me.
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I only average two fights per week, maybe like ten pissing matches a week. And about one adult a year will try to kick my arse.
I don't play well with others because I'm usually better than others in most games. It's not my fault for having the longest standing jump or being able to beat the checkers champion. I can't help if I'm the fastest at sit-up or pushups. Didn't matter if I can pitch better or was able to quarterback more pass completions. And all because I barely even tried... So it pisses others off. So that's why they want to fight me to prove that they can beat me.
Such an achiever :wav: kudos Hero, but at least you played, that is what counts ;) you have old movies you can show, I would very much enjoy a flashback of your youth...
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Such an achiever :wav: kudos Hero, but at least you played, that is what counts ;) you have old movies you can show, I would very much enjoy a flashback of your youth...
Nope again too poor for a camera. I never got into the habit of taking pictures. Just that no one ever was around to take pictures so its all memories. Even to this very day, I don't think of taking pictures at all.
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Kids are having their school Field day today. Hope the rain stays away.
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Where are they heading off to? I love school field trip.
Field day, it's basically all out track and field plus other games. It was one of the things I used to look forward in school when I was a kid. I usually win at the standing long jump or place in one of the sprint races as long as the volunteer judges were honest. You never see a white person run out and raise the hand of the Asian boy to recognize the winner. Maybe things are different nowadays.
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Guess they canceled Field day for fear of rain. Gosh I remember back then thunderstorms didn't stop anything outdoors.
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What a lousy timing to go fishing for catfish. It was a chilly 41f temp. Windy to go with it and u was under dressed for the conditions. Needless suffering and I still spent over 6 hours tormenting myself. Shivering and fun burned now, my body aches.
Ah break out the wine bottle... Should've just stay home and chilled. Well what's the fun in that?
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My kids asked for a new mommy again cuz the old one is broken. What am I supposed to say again? Sure, but it's not going to happen right away. Then my daughter says that she wants a little sister. What am I going to say again? Sure, but it's not a sure thing. What if your new mommy doesn't want children?
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:'( awww so sad :'(
Kids are more understanding than we adults think, they actually know what is going on.
My nephew he is 10:
Auntie did you know make-up makes you look older? Me: is that right? ???
Did you know that when we die, we don't all go to heaven? Me: oh, shocking :-\
I know where babies come from and dad don't even know. Me: :2funny:
So they know a lot more than we think ::) Just be honest with her.
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Deep down they have this sorrow and dissatisfactio n with their mom. They want so much to yearn for a motherly affection but feel they should punish their mom for her negligence.
I don't know how honesty can help them fully understand and adjust comfortably, when they only deal with their mom's lies and broken promises.
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There's always an embracing feeling when I put on my business casual clothes. Yes I feel sexy, still have a great figure for a middle aged man. This going to job interviews is like business dating. LOL that's what one recruiter told me. Geez no one has ever said that to me before.
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Deep down they have this sorrow and dissatisfactio n with their mom. They want so much to yearn for a motherly affection but feel they should punish their mom for her negligence.
I don't know how honesty can help them fully understand and adjust comfortably, when they only deal with their mom's lies and broken promises.
It's hard, especially for a child. Having to grow up without both parents. Hero, do the best you can do and they will understand, not now as young adolescents but when they are older. Time heals most wounds, especially emotional ones. Through love and understanding from the arent that cared enough to stay and raise them, they can prevail O0
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Okay the job searching is over. I've gone back to the restaurant business - fast food. Back to the meat grinder... Maybe I'll work on getting digits again at the drive thru... LOL. Those were good times, great memories. Collected over forty numbers one night, and funny how I got like five numbers from one car, not once but two car load of party chicas. Those were the meat grinder days.
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Tell me which chain, I'll come order foods from you.
Their latest commercial goes: We have the meat. LOL
I'll be in the Highland park store for training.
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Arby's?
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Arby's?
we have the meat O0
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Reflecting back on my job searching... These days I had interviewed and spoken with lots of women. Now apparently they kept mentioning job searching is like dating. Okay I see it sort of like that. I get dresses up and have rendezvous with another person. We make small talk to see if our personalities align. However this is strictly professional. However why did a few women mentioned dating and about trying to get a second date? Is this the new way of interviewing for jobs or is this just their personal agenda. It's almost the same feeling when sometimes working and interacting with female colleagues when there's a little sexualization hint from them. Me personally, I never want to be accused of sexual harassment even if she's the one making those innuendos and then being oblivious to it.
It's tough. I'm looking for a job not a date. Cuz I didn't personally call these women back, they just sort of don't call me back about the interviews process. If I wasn't in such a need for a job...
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we have the meat O0
Arby's by Highland park? Now I must come by and say "hello" :hello:
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Arby's by Highland park? Now I must come by and say "hello" :hello:
Hello all the way to California. :D
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HAHAHAHA :2funny:
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Men and women can never just be friends.
True to that cuz of simple biological urges by design. At the same time, people with emotional intelligence can just be friendly through social interactions. Furthermore who's to say you can't be friends with the opposite gender of a relatives. Although most would be better friends with those of the same gender.
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Men and women can be just friends 8) just don't let emotions play a big part. In high school my bestfriend was a guy, we tired the dating thing but it was more ackward than anything else, so friends it was. So yes women and men can be friends.
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Poor turtle. It was trying to cross the highway but someone hit it. It was a big turtle too looked likes one of the snapping turtles. It's shell was bigger than the five gallons buckets. And bloody cracked.
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Saw another turtle that is laying upside down after it got hit. Maybe the lady who stopped by will help it out.
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Catch anything?
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Catch anything?
Yes I caught a few catfish and made catfish fry. My boy ate like 15 pieces while my daughter only ate like five pieces.
One thing that sometimes still surprises me is how a fish can break 20# test line. I was not expecting to hook into anything of that size. Oh well, at least that means that there are some big ones.
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I watched the sky light show all night while catfishing. It looked like some dancing fire show on a foggy background.
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Oh manh... you should of taken a picture :(
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Oh manh... you should of taken a picture :(
If I had brought out the DSLR camera and actually go set up in a dark spot. But I haven't practice taking night shots but once, like 10 years ago. I probably fail, miserably then. It looked so much like a rock concert of stage lights, it was awesome.
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Maybe an old hobby may return twice as strong :) you just need inspiration.
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Maybe an old hobby may return twice as strong :) you just need inspiration.
Yes inspiration... Something to spark that artistic passion.
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Turns out I'm working J4 weekend. Oh well no going to parties.
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Turns out I'm working J4 weekend. Oh well no going to parties.
Sorry to hear that. Maybe I'll drop by for some foods. ;)
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I had the weirdest of dreams.
Women were being abducted. I was investigating the crime scene. Turns out there were a few undercover cops or inspectors there as well. Two of them happen to be women selected to draw out the culprits. We were on a block where one of the many abduction had taken place before. I noticed the building looking odd like a retail clothing store, but it was too much like a design studio for a retail.
There was a flash of light on a passing woman. I went to look and noticed she was replaced with a manikin double. I happened so fast and it was like how previous witnesses said it was magic. I noticed some glittering dust at a side wall of the building... Upon quick investigation, it was a secret door. I and the cops quickly pursue the abductors. Turns out they were prepared for this and built this maze like building. I opened doors after doors, with tunnel like corridors and passageways.
The next door I opened greeted us with a skull faced guardian. Battle on! I hit it with a swift five contact destruction. Our abductors are getting away...
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Interesting dream.....
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Interesting dream.....
Interestingly weird...LOL
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So I'm not sure why my body aches and hurts. I just attribute it to old age - over the hill. I still a few muscles here and there, but only about half the size of what they used to be. This year, I'm finally able to wear jeans again, at least my thighs don't fill tight in the legs. Furthermore, my gluts actually have some room in those loose fitted carpenter jeans. I no longer accidentally hit my face with my biceps anymore, actually really can't. It's surreal to remember how ridiculous how bulky some of my muscles were. Gosh nearly over ten years of not weightlifting anymore and I'm gotten shrunken in size pretty much. Should have taken photos back then.
Now a pair of little 20# dumbbells feels weight heavy. Gosh I can't imagine how I used to just toss that 100# sack of rice around, each in one arm and walk out the store. That and walking in the gym with two 100# plates setting up the free weight leg press machine. Freaking crazy, 4 plates of 100# and nine pairs of 45# plates is hard work gathering in gymn. 810# + 400# + water the weight of the leg press machine is 50# or 100# , people (women) leg press it empty of weights.
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My mom says that once we hit a certain age, our bodies maintain a certain weight and it levels off. We then have to maintain its health vigorously so it last our lifetime. We don't regenerate healthy cells as much as when they are younger. Deteriorating muscles are a factor of aging if you don't up keep them well ;D but fear not, you are not alone. Keep up the workouts and healthy eating habits :)
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My mom says that once we hit a certain age, our bodies maintain a certain weight and it levels off. We then have to maintain its health vigorously so it last our lifetime. We don't regenerate healthy cells as much as when they are younger. Deteriorating muscles are a factor of aging if you don't up keep them well ;D but fear not, you are not alone. Keep up the workouts and healthy eating habits :)
It is so different when personally experiencing it rather than just hearing, reading, and/or seeing it. I see a lot of young, middle age, older people being fit and healthy but with added supplements and said strict diet...I sometimes wonder how differently I would be if I had went that route instead of just being natural. Oh well, worry not of others, cuz it is all individual trials and journeys.
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Not too late to start that journey :) supplements are good in a sense that they provide your body with missing attribute of vitamins you lack. I take daily vitamins :) and have been for a while now. I don't eat alot of meat so I need it.
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Not too late to start that journey :) supplements are good in a sense that they provide your body with missing attribute of vitamins you lack. I take daily vitamins :) and have been for a while now. I don't eat alot of meat so I need it.
Yes multivitamins is okay in that sense. What I'm referring to is the protein weight gain supplements people are ingesting. Sometimes I wonder if all that hyped up infomercials are more about sales dollars. Its like people are not snacking on junk foods but are constantly ingesting protein shakes of some sort. Back in the old days, a blended meal drink was the meal...today its just a milk shake protein drink. Some people do it right, a lot are just crowd fad diets.
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Oh stack building and muscle mass attributes, hehehe, gotcha. I think some degree of supplements is okay, don't over do it. No one wants to look like the hulk :2funny:
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Oh stack building and muscle mass attributes, hehehe, gotcha. I think some degree of supplements is okay, don't over do it. No one wants to look like the hulk :2funny:
The thing is what happens when you quit the strict dietary supplements/restrictions...I see people who balloon up or just turn into flabs. Those kinds of transformation is just too extreme.
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Oh I have seen the aftermath of certain individuals, not pretty. The trick is you have to slowly get off just as you slowly got on, just like an addiction :P
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Yes that's probably the best way, but it doesn't always happens that way. Like getting injured in like a car accident... Boom everything changes.
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In that case it's a real time change, nothing happens in a blink of an eye unless it's an accident or purposely done :P
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Okay today was the first time I had a customer who snubbed me right away.
Me: Welcome, will you be dining in or taking to go.
Cust: I want a Chicken Salad.
Me: okay which one, because we have the sandwich, flat bread, or a wheat wrap.
Cust: Shut up, it doesn't take half an hour to take an order. I want......(several items super fast).
Me: okay so you want the chicken...roas t beef...fries.. . Drink. Is this correct?
Cust: (no answer...evil eye stares and hands over payment)
...few minutes later...compla ins, tell the manager the guy who took order took it wrong...
Hmmm...I'm the manager and I took the order. >:D
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Reminiscing about fishing...
I still can't believe I used to fish with that clunky Zebco 33 Classic. Even before that just some fishing line on a stick. Then the one time I saw another kid with the pop can and bobber technique.
Well after seeing it once, I knew I wanted to do that. Yes lucky for us, having them Asian drinks, they came in slender longer cans. They were perfect for smaller hands of four or five years old me. I didn't used it much cuz that's where the Zebco 33 came in.
The Zebco 33 may have been laughed at by everyone who have seen me used it, but when I catch fish, it all stopped. True that I lacked the fishing skills, but that Zebco 33 was used until I was 21 years of age.
I thought Zebco was the bomb, that my first fishing pole I bought was the Zebco Rhino rod. I was convinced by all my fishing buddies to buy an open face spinning reel. So entered the Shakespeare Alpha XT reel. That's the cheapest open face spinning reel available.
I thought a fishing pole and reel is just a fishing pole and reel. At this time all my fishing buddies were using equipment of around $30-$50 retail. My as skills was still sub par in comparison. I was just bobber or bottom live bait guy. They were catching fish with jigs and rooster tails. My equipment couldn't handle it. So I had to upgrade. What do you know, it's Shakespeare. Yes the Ugly Stik lite enters on the scene. I also upgraded my reel to the top of the line Shakespeare reel, Intrepid reel. Wow huge difference. Apparently better equipment does improves one's fishing skill. I admit I was wrong to think equipment didn't matter. It does.
Well after one season of heavy use, the reels breaks down. They get Grundy or loose. They sometimes have a part break. It was almost a seasonal thing to buy a new reel, year after year. Well on my third time I by chance upgraded to a Shimano Sahara reel. Wow this thing was amazing. I was still partially in the mindset of a reel is still just a reel a rod was just a rod. I tried out a new rod, a graphite rod from Shakespeare from Wally world, Sigma Titanium. Wow total game changer from the Ugly Stik feel. Also first seven feet pole as well. The Sahara reel was good but I needed something a bit better.
The season came to an end. I was at Joe's Sporting Goods. I saw the Shimano Stradic FG on sale. $100 sale price, down from the $120 retail price. I bought two of them, the 4000 size. Did some fall fishing with them. Felt a bit heavy and oversized.
Christmas came around, decided to treat myself to some new fishing rods. After extensive research I settled on Cabela's XML rods. I ordered two of the 7' Heavy power two pieces rod, on sale of course. Put both of the Stradic 4000 on, perfect match.
Spring came around and the Cabela's XML paired with Stradic FG 4000 were killing it, but was uncomfortable with crappie fishing. By chance went back to Joe's Sporting Goods and saw still two Stradic FG 1000 reels in the clearance bin. I snatched up both of them. Now they get paired with the Sigma Titanium rods.
I can't remember in details of what the exact time table of how it all took place, but to it feels like that all was around late 90s or just new millennium. Well today I still have those Stradic FG 4000 on the Cabela's XML rods. Yes and lots of other higher end equipment since then as well. Most of all, I am fully convinced that better equipment does improve one's fishing skills, especially in technical skills to use artificial lures.
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People talk about thinking about getting healthy by exercising and dieting. Well I'm talking about it and thinking about it. So when will I actually get off my butt and do it. I mean really do it. Not this only fifteen minutes to half an hour thing. Hmmm...maybe a little bit is better than nothing. Still is it really getting the job done? Oh wells, whatever sells.
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I have to admit it. It's time to give other races a real honest chance. I've given up on so many good women, so that I can give my Hmong women a real chance. Well I've been burned by too many lousy Hmong women. There is the money hungry type and the play for fun type. There's the shy I'm not good enough type and the extrovert gotta have other men wanting me type. All these Hmong women ultimately have the wrong personality type for me. They don't want to be friends. They don't want simplicity in their lives. Why do I only meet these complicated women who thinks the world revolves around them? I must be too nice of a person.
I guess I will have to look elsewhere. I should give my niceness to a better deserving person.
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Keep your options open, love knows no race. You have to be open minded and look beyond the that. O0
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Yes, VH. I agree with GS. Love sees no race. Love with your heart and not with outside noise. You will be much happier.
Don't over think the simple thing. Have patient and the right one will come.
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True to that. I'm just in a financial deficit situation now. If that wasn't the problem, I would have no problem or issue seeking out free time bachelor party onwards.
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Reminiscing about bodybuilding.. .again
Oh how long ago that was... I still have memories of raising my arm straight upwards, one day finding that I'm hitting my my cheek with my bicep. Now I never had a huge bicep for as long as I can recall. It was not big upwards to be seen, but it was massively big sideways flat. Well actually rounded towards the inside.
I still remember that one day pulling my left arm across my front in like the form of a self hug, my shoulder was suddenly punching me on my kisser. Normally it would take effort to even get my chin to touch my shoulders but at this particular point in my bodybuilding progress that was a surprise to be obstructed by my own muscle.
Even the one time I had an itch in my upper back, I reached to scratch. Suddenly to my surprise my traps were massively bigger than my hands. Well okay they really weren't, but certainly more than a handful.
My chest...this is where there was so much massive pectorals that they felt like 4" slabs of plates. The concept of chest pounding gorilla made for perfect sense. I used to be this nerd, thinking only stupid meatheads would imitate that. However actually having the real deal of chest physique proved how shallow thinking I was. I was wrong. I found myself able to fully pound forcefully on my chest and I didn't feel one single rib bone. I found the real respect for such an Alpha gorilla to be able to do that in his assertion of physical dominance.
Personally I never understood the abs of six pack or eight pack thing. To my amusement most of them look weak. I know muscles vs skins. I had the big four pack bowling ball package. I guesstimate it to be easily two inches thick if not thicker. All I can say is I can't see my toes and my T-shirt is like a maternity shirt. No I did not even need to suck my stomach in...it was au natural.
Yet, no pictures... Somehow I just simply never bothered to photo any of it.
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True to that. I'm just in a financial deficit situation now. If that wasn't the problem, I would have no problem or issue seeking out free time bachelor party onwards.
Many people are on the same boat. Prioritize your things and work on what's important. Relationship will happen when you meet that someone without looking.
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I have to admit it. It's time to give other races a real honest chance. I've given up on so many good women, so that I can give my Hmong women a real chance. Well I've been burned by too many lousy Hmong women. There is the money hungry type and the play for fun type. There's the shy I'm not good enough type and the extrovert gotta have other men wanting me type. All these Hmong women ultimately have the wrong personality type for me. They don't want to be friends. They don't want simplicity in their lives. Why do I only meet these complicated women who thinks the world revolves around them? I must be too nice of a person.
I guess I will have to look elsewhere. I should give my niceness to a better deserving person.
Race isn't really the issue. I think it's about compability and chemistry. You may not find it with the hmong women but in other race. For me, as long as we click and have great chemistry. I was talking to my friend the other and we were talking about men during our lunch. She told me that if she ever becomes single again she's going out of the race because hmong men just aren't meeting her expectations anymore.
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okay, I past my certification on the spot test today...now just time to get my online certification test and final written test...I don't have enough time....
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Maybe its just the heat and humidity. I feel unmotivated to do anything. Don't even feel like posting online.
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Maybe its just the heat and humidity. I feel unmotivated to do anything. Don't even feel like posting online.
How you feeling today?
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How you feeling today?
Rested but lethargic. I need to go to library and take an online test. I probably forgot most of the information now. Oh well I could fail the first time no big deal.
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Rested but lethargic. I need to go to library and take an online test. I probably forgot most of the information now. Oh well I could fail the first time no big deal.
What kind of test are you taking? If you don't mind me asking... You're a smart man, I'm sure you won't have any problem. Good luck! ;)
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What kind of test are you taking? If you don't mind me asking... You're a smart man, I'm sure you won't have any problem. Good luck! ;)
Food serve safe certification. .. It's been a very distracted training. Training has been subpar. Everyday seems like there's some major deficiency and even my superiors are all talk and no action. I'm not a kiss up, so I can only drive on with what I've got. Oh well. Once these certificates are official, I will start implementing some changes here...to smooth things out.
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Food serve safe certification. .. It's been a very distracted training. Training has been subpar. Everyday seems like there's some major deficiency and even my superiors are all talk and no action. I'm not a kiss up, so I can only drive on with what I've got. Oh well. Once these certificates are official, I will start implementing some changes here...to smooth things out.
When you work in the foods industries or any places that serves customers.. there are always alot to learn and be in compliance with.
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When you work in the foods industries or any places that serves customers.. there are always alot to learn and be in compliance with.
True, but I've got ten years experience already, like over ten years ago. Some things have changed, and working for a slightly different set up, but still fast food. It's just working with lazy people for the most part. Sure they tell you what the standards are, but they can't do it everyday themselves. How am I supposed to maintain standards when the employees know the bosses can't do it daily? I'm daily fixing their deficiency and then seems like I am coming up short afterwards.
No different when I worked for HAP no different when I worked for Wells Fargo. Why am I always stuck with the lousy bosses?
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True, but I've got ten years experience already, like over ten years ago. Some things have changed, and working for a slightly different set up, but still fast food. It's just working with lazy people for the most part. Sure they tell you what the standards are, but they can't do it everyday themselves. How am I supposed to maintain standards when the employees know the bosses can't do it daily? I'm daily fixing their deficiency and then seems like I am coming up short afterwards.
No different when I worked for HAP no different when I worked for Wells Fargo. Why am I always stuck with the lousy bosses?
That happened to me for a very long time. When I started working I always ended with lousy bosses (micro-managinng or insecured) and funny thing is that all ther names are either Catherine or Katherine. People who's name are Katherine/Catherine, they are not the best people to work with. lol However, I've been pretty lucky for the last few years. I got better bosses that actually care about the work that I do and take initiative to recognized your work. Eventually, you will find your niche.
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That happened to me for a very long time. When I started working I always ended with lousy bosses (micro-managinng or insecured) and funny thing is that all ther names are either Catherine or Katherine. People who's name are Katherine/Catherine, they are not the best people to work with. lol However, I've been pretty lucky for the last few years. I got better bosses that actually care about the work that I do and take initiative to recognized your work. Eventually, you will find your niche.
Success and failure is mostly dependent on the boss. I too hope to find that work life balance.
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Success and failure is mostly dependent on the boss. I too hope to find that work life balance.
Yes, I agreed. There are some bosses that no matter how much you tried or work, they will never see your efforts. Instead of rewarding you, they reward others. In time, this will make you feel like crap and lower your morale. Pretty soon you don't want to put in anymore efforts.. you're just there for the paycheck. I rather take a lower paying job than to work for someone who treats me like craps.
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Oh snap...Guess I cannot take the online test. I have to wait a full week first. >:(
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There used to be barb wires that had rusted out on the side of the rail road tracks, bordering my property. So when I moved in, I got rid if it. Still have some rusty stuff to toss into garbage.
Anyway a few days ago they put up a do not trespass on railroad property. Finally cuz I kind of don't like the trespassing people who like to toss garbage in my yard and pick my berries I've planted.
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Sitting here at the dealership, getting an oil change tire rotation deal for the next three hours. Hmmm...I'll car show shop, and eat their cookies.
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Long day at work, just finally got back home. I reckon I might as well do the ten fifteen minutes exercise, then hit the shower, then snooze away...
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Long day at work, just finally got back home. I reckon I might as well do the ten fifteen minutes exercise, then hit the shower, then snooze away...
15 minutes? That's like lifting one leg up, one leg down, done (15 minutes). lol But I bet you are tired.. You working 8 hours?
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15 minutes? That's like lifting one leg up, one leg down, done (15 minutes). lol But I bet you are tired.. You working 8 hours?
I just pulled over 10 hours straight no breaks, barely a sip of pop after 9 hours.
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I just pulled over 10 hours straight no breaks, barely a sip of pop after 9 hours.
Wow, do you stand pretty much the whole day?
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Wow, do you stand pretty much the whole day?
Yes I did. Didn't even sat down until after I clocked off.
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Yes I did. Didn't even sat down until after I clocked off.
Do you like need feet or back massage?
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Do you like need feet or back massage?
Yes. Sure can use one.
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Yes. Sure can use one.
I bet...I need a butt massage. Sat all day. ;D
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I bet...I need a butt massage. Sat all day. ;D
Oh I can handle that... O0
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Oh I can handle that... O0
I can give you a back/feet massage and you can give me a butt massage. Dont worry I dont have dimples or cottage cheese. :2funny:
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I can give you a back/feet massage and you can give me a butt massage. Dont worry I dont have dimples or cottage cheese. :2funny:
But I have dimples and stretch marks...shhhhh ...I guess the stretch marks won't go away...
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But I have dimples and stretch marks...shhhhh ...I guess the stretch marks won't go away...
Those must be from bodybuilding. Its okay. No one is perfect.
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Those must be from bodybuilding. Its okay. No one is perfect.
Yes they are, I guess I didn't Vaseline myself enough. One of those meathead routine I couldn't gay myself enough to do.
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Yes they are, I guess I didn't Vaseline myself enough. One of those meathead routine I couldn't gay myself enough to do.
Understandable . No worry... ;)
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Understandable. No worry... ;)
I think I can tan hide it...LOL spray tanning... :2funny:
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I think I can tan hide it...LOL spray tanning... :2funny:
You could but wouldnt the white stripes glow in the dark? ;D
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You could but wouldnt the white stripes glow in the dark? ;D
Hmmm...there's no black light.... Heh heh heh... :2funny:
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Hmmm...there's no black light.... Heh heh heh... :2funny:
We need a black light!!!!
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We need a black light!!!!
Um no we don't... :-X
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Um no we don't... :-X
Okay how about disco lights?
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Disco lights are good. We need the party disco ball.
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Disco lights are good. We need the party disco ball.
I like the one with multi colors. Those are pretty cool.
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I like the one with multi colors. Those are pretty cool.
I've never seen such a thing.
Maybe I better go look at Stargate.... LOL.
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I've never seen such a thing.
Maybe I better go look at Stargate.... LOL.
Stargate only have the white one. I want the color one. Lol
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I've never seen such a thing.
Maybe I better go look at Stargate.... LOL.
Stargate only have the white one. I want the color one. Lol
Oh there goes my excuse to go there.
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We can have our own stargate. ;D
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We can have our own stargate. ;D
Shhhhhhh...
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Shhhhhhh...
Okay....shhhh. . :D
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Seems like I can't sleep. Fighting insomnia.... Hate that. I will have to go exercise till I am tired out I guess.
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Seems like I can't sleep. Fighting insomnia.... Hate that. I will have to go exercise till I am tired out I guess.
in the same boat. Even wine dont help anymore. Lol We need a different kind of excercise. :2funny:
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in the same boat. Even wine dont help anymore. Lol We need a different kind of excercise. :2funny:
that I sure agree. Should've just massage each other.... LOL.
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that I sure agree. Should've just massage each other.... LOL.
Yep...a relaxing massage to get rid of all tge tensions... :D
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Yep...a relaxing massage to get rid of all tge tensions... :D
Imma just doing crunches in bed now....arghh.
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Imma just doing crunches in bed now....arghh.
:2funny: :2funny: I suppose that helps too.
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Well I'm trying to tire myself out to sleep.
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Go to sleep..count the dragonflies.
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Yes count my crunches... O0
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I'm now at the library trying to study for my serve safe certificate tomorrow but I have a bunch of noisy kids around me...it's a library, where's the parents?
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Thus is why you should have earphones :)
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Thus is why you should have earphones :)
I do...but these are very loud kids.
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Pull out the finger :D and "shhhhhhh", point to the nearest QUIET sign O0
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Pull out the finger :D and "shhhhhhh", point to the nearest QUIET sign O0
Is there even such a sign in the library? anymore? I sure don't see them.
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Is there even such a sign in the library? anymore? I sure don't see them.
I haven't been to one in over almost 4 years. Not sure anymore...lol
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The sign upfront as you enter the library says a bunch of stuff like being respectful and mindful of others and keep the noise level down. It's also in multiple languages, but it's too late to try to point to such a sign while in the library.
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Lol... try, faking a phone call and see how they feel :P
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Lol... try, faking a phone call and see how they feel :P
Adult will tell another adult, but they won't tell kids...
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Adult will tell another adult, but they won't tell kids...
I tell both! I make it known, i am blunt ;D
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I tell both! I make it known, i am blunt ;D
I don't have time to parent another parent... :knuppel2: If I need to, I will be Dr. Phil Nothing: You people just wasted 2 minutes of time that I will never get back. :2funny: :2funny:
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LOL but some adults never grow up thus is why their children act as such.
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Yes, hence the need to talk down to them like children.
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I got done washing the stove and oven.
I knew I should've just left the dishes dirty. I was tired and I decide that I must finish washing the dishes, then it came to the knife and in my haste, I cut myself. Gosh it's been a very long time since I've actually cut myself.
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Dont cry. Im a cutter so Im prone to it. :P Hope u feel better.
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I'm usually very good with a knife. I was just tired and my skin was already soften by all the cleaning I've done.
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I almost cut one of my thumb off with a broken piece of glass. You know how you reach inside a drinking glass and it breaks? It was a very big cut. Still have scar.
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I almost cut one of my thumb off with a broken piece of glass. You know how you reach inside a drinking glass and it breaks? It was a very big cut. Still have scar.
Did you had to get stitches?
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Nope. But i cried though. Lol
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Too bad by the time I got off work, it's a night rain.
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So I was thinking about how every time I would call for an oil change appointment, and they would tell me I don't need one, just come on in. Now the last time I went in, they're asking if I have an appointment. I told them no, cuz you guys don't make appointments for oil changes. Cuz they're really busy that day. Well...still don't make appointments, then asking for appointments for...I can tell bs cuz they're just lazy...
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My thirsty garden...a few days of high winds...a few days of dry weather. Gosh things looked kind of needing rain. So finally some spotty rain in the middle of the night. Good... So glad. Haven't had time to water it.
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Woke up to the sound of thunder...its been like a long time since then. Thought it was the train, but wasn't.
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Last entry was waking up to thunder. Well a few weeks ago, seemed like I had that thundercloud right above. Sounded like my house exploded. I felt the air moved in and out. The entire house vibrating and jumping up and down on its foundation. How's that for a rude awakening? Didn't get much sleep that night. At least it wasn't a tornado.
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Well...I guess the fight continues...
Seems like I've been on the silent side of life...it's where I'm set. I need nothing more. Just peace and quiet.
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Why are you fighting for your life? Trying to stay away from the dark side?
It's like this...fishing . To a person when they hooked up a fish, it's just trying to reel that fish in. To a fish, it's a fight for it's life when it's hooked. The fish must swim hard, jump out of the water, thrash about trying to get the hook off or even break the fishing line.
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If I fall through the ice and drown, I don't think I would fight for my life. Of course whoever finds me will have to fight to pry my fishing rod out of my hands. :D
If you don't hear from me anymore...this may have happened.
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If I fall through the ice and drown, I don't think I would fight for my life. Of course whoever finds me will have to fight to pry my fishing rod out of my hands. :D
If you don't hear from me anymore...this may have happened.
May peace be with you. People say drowning is one of the more peaceful ways to pass away. However, what do they know right? They're still alive. ;D
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May peace be with you. People say drowning is one of the more peaceful ways to pass away. However, what do they know right? They're still alive. ;D
LOL...yeap.
Anyway I found a spot that was only 3 inches of ice. I decide that today, I will not drive on that section of water...um thin ice. I didn't even had my cleats on nor any ice picks...and I didn't even had my flotation suit on either. I guess I'm not as daring as I was when I was young. So I'm still alive.
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So did you catch any fishes? It's too cold and I cant seem to stand the cold temperature anymore. Never did ice fishing and probably wont, but glad you are enjoying it.
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So did you catch any fishes? It's too cold and I cant seem to stand the cold temperature anymore. Never did ice fishing and probably wont, but glad you are enjoying it.
Yes I did catch a few crappies. However this upcoming week, no plans to do any ice fishing. It's cold and it's easy to break things when it's that cold. Gas augers have trouble starting. Propane heaters have trouble lighting up. And Stiff fingers, if not shaking from the cold. LOL.
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Yes I did catch a few crappies. However this upcoming week, no plans to do any ice fishing. It's cold and it's easy to break things when it's that cold. Gas augers have trouble starting. Propane heaters have trouble lighting up. And Stiff fingers, if not shaking from the cold. LOL.
yeah, its cold out there. Has been near the negatives. I cant seem to stand the cold anymore, and I used to deer hunt in the cold. lol.. O0
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yeah, its cold out there. Has been near the negatives. I cant seem to stand the cold anymore, and I used to deer hunt in the cold. lol.. O0
Deer hunting...the memories. As soon as I put the shotgun down due to cold hands...the deer shows up. I ain't disciplined like them OG's are.
Hunting/butchering animals just isn't my stomach/nose thing. I totally respect the guys who can do it.
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Yeah, I can relate to you. My body hasn't been able to adjust to the cold anymore and haven't gone deer hunting in a while. simply putting into perspective that i am not a hardcore hunter like my friends.
I went squirrel hunting in dec with a uncle and wanted to leave after a couple hours, while he made us stayed till sun down.. lol..
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I'm so tired, I want to sleep, but my mind won't let me rest...
I want to stay awake to finish doing some things, but then my body wants to rest...
...tired of fighting on the opposite end of things...
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Keep on fighting, time comes with happiness.
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Stop fighting yourself.. or your mind/body that is. You know.. the secret to a restful night? SLEEPING PILL.
I don't want to fight...I just want peace.
Maybe I need HAPPY PILL. >:D
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happy pill huh? sure....i know plenty of happy pills over seas...lol ;)
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Well well well...I was just thinking if I was collecting badges or titles in life...or like those trophies unlocked by accomplishment s. Let me start my list...
Checkers Champion = Everyone told me I was terrible at it, but I entered a tournament and came out beating the 5 time champ whose won it since Kindergarten. Oh so everyone was just cheating when I was playing leisurely cuz I never won once. So when it was actually watched...no one could cheat.
Body builder = Actually more like body sculpting all natural. If only food didn't cost so much. The cooking, prepping, and making it yummy 10k calories a day.
More Power than an Ant = Seriously free weight leg pressed over 1200 lbs. That's three sets of ten reps was my usual routine on my high five sets. There are no more weights in the house and no racks to hold them. It takes about half an hour to collect them. Then I have to put them away...wait there goes one hour of my gym time.
Military Man = two tours over seas...twice was enough
Instructor/Trainer/Teacher = yeah most of all being your own student
Divorced = that was the biggest pain in life, but over it (was married) that's how it works.
Anmesia = the best thing in life perhaps is beginning all over from nothing in my mind
Family Guy = Father (and mother) to my children - I raised both of them all by myself like 98%
Coach = yes, I coached them juniors as if I coached them FIVB mens...made the third strings into first strings and now everybody wants them.
AVP = well not officially, but I did play against them in exhibition. That's where I learned that it's not all skill, cuz no professional will admit to losing in a fair pick up match. Perhaps I should've at least gotten their names...
Monkey King = There isn't a pole that I could not climb, as long as it's was small enough for my hands to grab. Plus, never will I do the telephone wire monkey business dare ever again...
Downhill Expert = Snowboard and any slope, I will take on.
Street Fighter = People talk the talk, but I did the walk the whole walk and I wonder why no one has ever died, maybe just pure luck.
Tetris Master = Original released Nintendo Tetris first person to get through level 21, without any cheats. Any faster and that's all cheat, because it's luck and it falls at the rate of one line to the corner and only enough time for two clicks rotation. If you got two lines, you're dead = until they revised it in later versions.
Never die Contra Force = Those oldies and goodies consoles games where you can beat the normal mode, then go to the expert mode all in one life. Contra, Life Force, etc.,...I didn't realize how much time I spent on video games, I will just walk into the pit or crash my ship into the most obvious wall...just to die.
Drift Master = One little pebble at the corner of the road and your car could be totaled and you in the hospital. Why I never attempt the same thing twice...
Saviour = I now wonder why people never thanked me for saving their life, but I didn't do it for the thanks. I think that those who are in shock don't realize it in that situation or under those circumstances.
Sniper = Really it's all in the rifle. All I did was pulled the trigger.
Bass Master = Not really, but learning how to cast a bait casting reel is an accomplishment .
Most Artistic Most Creative = I didn't realize people even voted for me, every year. Where did, when did, who did, voted, cuz I sure didn't. I didn't even know the meaning of the word until...I forget when - that Amnesia trophy is beyond platinum status - ultra legendary.
Hmong Villager = Only the select know where that original rare gold trophy came from.
PH'r = That's gotta be a platinum trophy...LOL. So rare and only found here.
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It's been so long since someone tried to physically pick a fight with me. It's always them kaydo or meka who are so self centered. Okay, they talk big while sitting in there car, telling me to step outside.
You idiot, why don't you step outside of your car then. I even told them, come back at 6 O'clock. I don't see anyone. Waste of time.
I'm old now...so if these perps want to fight. It's gonna be very quiet fight and no one will hear about it. :knuppel2: Really no one checks the dumpsters anymore. This ain't NYC.
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Honestly, I think when we are young, we get careless. As we get older we are more wiser and we can actually avoid confrontationa l situations. However there are still a lot of immature and ignorance people in this world who is nothing but trouble maker. I would try to avoid these people at all cost. It will just cost your life.
Actually I'm afraid it will cost them their life...I'm more scared of how capable I am when dealing with these types of people. When I was young, it was enough to prove that no matter how they come at me, they couldn't hurt me. I could easily dodge, evade, deflect, then disarm them no matter the weapon they brought. At this age, I don't dodge, evade, nor deflect anything. I have to change my ways and disable them completely. Growing up, I used to laugh at this kid who only says that he will kick'm in the balls. I understand he didn't had the fighting skills, so that was his method of escaping. Now I don't fully understand why I am fearless. I do know that if an enemy isn't going to back down, you need to eliminate them. Kill the fight once and for all. No one will miss these perps. No one is gonna go looking for them when they're gone. Kill one bad guy, save ten lives.
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Bills, bills, bills, if anything in life...there's just too much bills...stupid cost of living in free country that's free to charge you for everything. When's the clean air tax coming? >:(
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It's the American way. And I prefer this over living in Laos.
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It's the American way. And I prefer this over living in Laos.
I grew up here in the states so, I only know how it is here.
You were either black, white, or mexican...What's an Asian? :2funny: Then what's a Banana? >:( These were the people who were being hypocrites.
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I was the Mexican having grew up in Cali lol
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If there's a song that defines the kind of person who I am, I'll say this one tops my list.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6npYyg_BjTU (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6npYyg_BjTU)
Jim Steinman - Meatloaf
I would do anything for love, but I won't that
I fight for my love, but there's certain things I won't fight for love
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I work in certain jobs for a long time...being successful where others have failed at.
Yet once again I am being passed up for a promotion.
I understand that being too good to be promoted...Is this really what people want for their business? Perhaps
It's okay, I don't have much ambition left in life. I don't have a desire to tackle any more problems.
I have solutions...bu t are others willing to implement them? If not...offer was on table.
I just want peace and equilibrium in my life.
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There was this spirit or soul or ... I heard or overheard
It said something like, or somehow I felt it was like
There was this sad man but hopeful
He was kind but frightful
He made choices, so much sacrifices
He chanced it all on the dream of love
There was this woman, deserving affection
She was torn but willing to change direction
She offered a hand, offered a shoulder to stand
She chanced it all on the dream from above
A time of love, broken promises
A time of love, all this time amiss us
Steel this wall of this heartache
Feel this fall of this heartbreak
...and I awoke
perhaps it was subconscious or a mishmash of memories
perhaps its a yearning or crash of the heart's desires
...to a whisper
A time of love, to renew promises
A time of love, all the time and wishes
Break this wall of this heartache
Shake this fall of this heartbreak
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Thank you... ;)
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Thank you... ;)
You're welcome O0
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I think I've forgotten how to fight for my love....of life.
I used to be inspired to create art...art of life. The feelings poured into it. The hope that someone who sees it will somehow feel a fraction of it.
I used to enjoy fishing...art of life. I pretend to be a part of the life cycle of how people in old times would fish to survive.
I used to enjoy working...art of life. I once decided to work in a temp agency to do odd jobs and ends. I thought about how people toil daily to earn a wage.
Oh how I've forgotten so much...
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Love as it is or should be or what I perceive it as ambiguous as in the simplicity of it's complexity.
We are living, breathing and ever changing. So to will our love be changing whether it is for some simple materialism or some complexity of humanity. Love is not something that we get in return or seek to ask for. I believe this is what we misunderstood or exactly what people misunderstands about me. In correlation it is like if I helped you a stranger in need. I do it because it is in my nature to do it. I am not seeking any recompense in return. I hope that if the next stranger or me, who is in need of help, that you will be able to provide assistance and not seek anything else in return for that. Family, I did just so in my life. I helped each and everyone of my siblings and my parents in ways that I did not ask for any recompense in return. Yet in my time of need, they all place some kind of conditions or reasons why they are unwilling to help me. I am currently in a situation that I cannot any longer help any of them. As such that I may have been self sufficient independently for a long time, but I am still only human and able to only do so much alone. This comes back to love. I am only one person and my love can only go so far.
At times love can manifest as endless as can be, being unconditional. There is a finite to it. For simplicity if I love a rock. Yes I may feel spiritual or aesthetic fulfillment at first. I may spend years caring and tending that rock. There may come a time when that rock is only a hindrance and deterrent in my life. The unrequited love has run it's course. All this is the limitation of a static unchanging love. There is an end.
Love is dynamic. It is seeded, cultivated, and grows. That cycle is repeated in multifaceted forms. Loving a person is something like this. Your love has to be fluid and alive in it's own nature. That is the relationship I have with love, and the relationship that I wish to share with another person. The caveat is that Love waits for no one.
I failed or rather entrusted my love towards someone who leeched me faster than I could seed, cultivate, and grow love. My unconditional love ran dry. I did not have enough foresight. My entire life of planning and preparations was so easily consumed in a relatively short time. Love is fragile. It is tender and easily broken. My love for that other person, my love for my family. That was not a living love, it never grew into anything. They only wanted a static form, unyielding, unchanging stubborn love.
Yet as my though process is heavily westernized influence, I see that in application of that limitation as well. If we correlate love like that of ying yang more so like an Asian philosophy in sentiment. We apply it more in a dynamic form and finding that balance that benefits not just ourselves but even to that of others. The push and pull, the flexibility and firmness, the fluidity and solidarity of a form of relationship with that of love, with that of another person. Even the ying yang symbolism doesn't fully encompass this because it is a static pictorial representation . In life it will have an ebb and flow of ying or yang. One will overpower the other, but should never fully consume the other. Then needs to come back to a state of equilibrium and ebb and flow again. That state of equilibrium and coming back to it, is very important. This is where Asian dynamic love is definitive from the westernized dynamic love. For example your love for your mother as the state of equilibrium in ying yang love or the start of an unconditional westernized influence love. In the ying yang, it just is. In the westernized influence, it has to start somewhere and go somewhere.
How does all of this apply to the person we are looking for? We don't need to look for in another person or rather I'm saying I don't need to look for love in another person. I already have it. It has always been there with me. At times it's powerful and overflowing. At times it's empty and depleted. I'm not here for anyone to take my love. I'm not here to give anyone else my love. I don't compromise on love. It's not a give and take. I will never just settle. I am here to share it. It's always been that way. I trust in my integrity. Trust in my ability. I am extending that trust. Will you share it with me? Will you make a life and grow with me? And that was what I was fighting for my life. Yet it was that very foundation of trust that betrayed me. I have endured it for as long as I humanly could and then some more. Once a person loses that trust. You can never regain it. It's like asking for forgiveness without repentance.
Love is not to be confused with affection or attraction. Attraction in the sense of visual aesthetics may draw upon love. We are drawn more easily to what we are familiar with. Affection in the sense of physical touch may draw upon love as well. The biological sensory stimuli is genetically encoded in us, and impression on us through experiences. When we put both together, there's the situation of such as falling in love at first sight. I admit that this has never happen to me, but there has been many times at first glance I had the initial thought of she was the most beautiful person in the world. Upon the tenth glance, I didn't know what did I saw before. On the other hand, there were many whom I did not see at first, but somehow their beauty and attraction grew upon me. It is this growth that naturally builds. It is this type of love that needs cultivating. Often times these are the people who we miss out our chance on because we were too slow. As usual most of us are dunce and miss it.
Perhaps it's happening again. Another chance. I wonder if I will see through it? Tired now so I am sleeping on it...
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I used to have so much love for the arts. Mainly in artistic representation of reproducing as close to real life as possible and yet the attention to details of how the artist composes their work. It takes hand eye coordination to accomplish such feat. The inspiration coming and expressed onto the work. It's like when I look at an accomplished piece of artwork that makes me want to trace the shapes and lines, change the lighting, view it from various angles, looking and looking for that one enlightened impression that flutters my emotions as love. It is the awe of how a static piece of work can be viewed as alive in it's own right. It's as if it speaks to you. You want to touch it in places and feel it. You want to bask in it's presence. You want to have a personal relationship with it.
How can this be? How can I perceive the beauty of it? How can I be pleased by it?
Beauty in the eye of the beholder. When I see the most beautiful of birds, the most beautiful of flowers, the most beautiful of fish, the most beautiful of a person...
And yet to another observer, they may see what I don't see. For myself, it's not about the differences. It's about sharing what I felt. It's about sharing what the other person has felt. What is it that I am seeking? I am seeking to share.
Surely I must want something in return? Who would just give and asks for nothing back? It simply just doesn't work that way. They dynamics of it has an ebb and flow.
Perhaps it's a moment of your time. Perhaps I am seeking your approval. Perhaps I really want to share with you and you share with me what your thoughts, impressions, and feelings are. Is this what I am trying to cultivate? A relationship.
The relationship I used to have with my drawing...it's gone. Maybe it will come back. Maybe I lost it when I had no one to share it with? Was that the missing element?
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People always have emergencies in life...Not everything is made of sweets and roses...
Work has been nothing but challenges. I do not understand the challenges that people bring every day.
Simple things like...
wake up and come to work
your friends are out playing
you were out drinking late last night
you chose to have some parental fight, spousal fight, sibling fight, friendship fight, etc.,...
you chose road rage
you mouth off to some stranger...and you got what you deserved
your pent up sexual frustrations.. .
Nothing but mundane simple stuff...that somehow prevents people from coming to work.
It's a simple job, yet job in itself is too complicated for people
People I am not your punching bag, nor am I your one stop fix it up shop
I am a person too...
Here we go again...round XXXXXX
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Some thoughts...and self reminder
Common Sense is Very Uncommon...
Logical people are always being questioned...
Methodical people are called crazy or mad...
Wisdom is only understood after the fact...
Foolishness is always thought of before the act...
YOLO...you only live once, and who has lived twice?
Experience...i s repeating the same mistakes, and remembering it right afterwards...
Failure...is doing things wrong and gaining experience...
Two sides of the same coin...is heads and tails of the same coin.
We're back to square one...did we even start with circle zero?
What's labeling a person as a square suppose to mean? You don't cut corners...
What's labeling a person as you're well rounded but with sharp edges? You're a pizza cutter...
The word smart is meant to hurt
Sleep is time traveling to the future
Spontaneous is not a good characteristic to be boasting...jus t admit you have no plans, no goals, no direction in life.
If you can't humor yourself first, you can't humor anything else afterwards.
If you want to poke fun in others, poke fun in yourself first.
You have to be able to humor yourself in living, if you're going to humor anything else in life.
You understand life as experiences, once you understand death as experiences... even near death experience to feel life.
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So when I tell people I don't facebook. I really meant it.
Apparently I was left some messages or something. I didn't realize that I was somehow suppose to at least check them or what.
I also deleted all the friend requests from all these magazine models photos...You are interested in me how? Thanks princess nigeria. :2funny:
Apparently someone left me a phone number...kay that was like back in 2017 or so...and people finally stopped messaging me back in 2018. So how many years has it been since I signed up for facebook? LOL doesn't matter.
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I didn't know they shut down Google+ pages...I was gonna load some photos and poof...I couldn't remember where I put them...
So I guess I don't FB and I don't Google+
What was that old Asian site? Asian Avenue? :D
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Vehicle is being fixed.
Stuck home...so did a lot of home work.. ;D home cleaning, yard work, yard cleaning...hou sework house cleaning...dar n...may as well fold the cloths and do some proper laundry.
hmmmm...online shopping.
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This is the best home to come to...so I can vent some. If that's how it's done.
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What I think I have a need to learn or at least adopt...to prevent the past failures or a repeat of past failures.
Open for business...clo sed to negotiations. I suck at negotiating so I should avoid that. I don't know how to demand for my share.
Trust but with caution. Trust people with little things first, but never with big important things. They will probably screw you over when you most need that trust.
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So when I tell people I don't facebook. I really meant it.
Apparently I was left some messages or something. I didn't realize that I was somehow suppose to at least check them or what.
I also deleted all the friend requests from all these magazine models photos...You are interested in me how? Thanks princess nigeria. :2funny:
Apparently someone left me a phone number...kay that was like back in 2017 or so...and people finally stopped messaging me back in 2018. So how many years has it been since I signed up for facebook? LOL doesn't matter.
Hmmm...I am a total noob. Apparently people say there's some DM. Dungeon Master? Download Maps? Defense Method? So noob I had to internet search it. Oh how dumb my arse is. Dumb Myself. It's Direct Messaging.
LOL n behold...there were old messages in there. Wow, did some people tried to contact me and I didn't even know. I did say, I don't FB. Apparently some of them were booty call attempts or as I assume...kitty catfish calls. Nice try. You thought that I would even attempt to reply or even look at your FACE!!!!BOMB.
Okay, I need more training...
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Stoopid thing that blurt out at the moment
Just Ink Red Act Bill
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My secret phone number that I forget to call...
436-1236-643
with fobby accent
for phree sax, want to phree sax, sax for phree...
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My Single Player Mode:
Up Up Down Down, Left Right Left Right, A B B A, A A B B, B A B A, B A A B, Select Me and Start!
If you should decide to choose Two Player Mode:...
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I always talk my talk but can walk my walk
I might stumble over on my stumble over
I will skip on over on my skip on over
I have to be careful not to trip over on my trip over
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Yes, I know you can walk your talk. Just like that one time when you just suddenly popped over.. Didn't expect it at all until my sister kept calling me to come home because a guy friend has come over! Thought you were just joking. ;D
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Yes, I know you can walk your talk. Just like that one time when you just suddenly popped over.. Didn't expect it at all until my sister kept calling me to come home because a guy friend has come over! Thought you were just joking. ;D
Integrity and Honesty...Humi lity and Modesty.
Always a Hero at heart...never the villain at start.
Thanks so much.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZxKsyQoW8g (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZxKsyQoW8g)
The Prayer - Josh Groban and Charlotte Church
I only heard this song once, but it has always touch me in the heart. The compassion that I have to share it with another. The duet that I somehow imagined I could sing...perhaps a long time ago if I still would've had the desire to voice.
This is for that special someone, well it's for all the special people out there. I have never prayed for myself for anything but I will pray that this song will make an impact and light a hope for you as well. A fight in my life, like the fight in your life. The fight in all our lives that we must fight to see some hope. The hope that we must create ourselves. The actions that we must make for ourselves. Our resolve to overcome our despair. It may be a Christian song influence but still a beautiful song with the brevity of the lyrics is so uplifting to me.
Quest for Camelot. I had never seen the movie where this song was featured performed by Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli.
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Some causes are worth fighting for even if we lose at the end. It's the fight that will teach us how to be stronger and prepare us for the next fight.
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Hmmm....I was wondering why I set my alarm clock this morning...I knocked it off.
I woke up just recently...oh it's garbage day...didn't roll out the trash to the street. >:(
Some causes are worth fighting for even if we lose at the end. It's the fight that will teach us how to be stronger and prepare us for the next fight.
Only fight the fight that's worth fighting for...
Only fight the fight that worth not losing for...
If you can't win...make sure that you don't lose.
When you don't lose and you feel like you didn't win...it's not what that's about You did put the fight to them...and they will no longer want to fight. That is what it's about.
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You pregnant women...please stay away from me.
Your pheromones are rubbing me all wrong...making me feel sick, nauseous, and that certain smells are suddenly so strong and mostly pungent.
Now why can't it be, make me feel sweet, and uplifting...ma ke certain smells aromatic. O0
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For some reason I am getting goo goo guru again...feels like I was kid again.
Zest is best for life
Zeal is the deal for life.
Passion for compassion in life
Choosing a grooving in life
If it weren't for the amnesia that put a blank slate in my life...who knows karma chameleon. I most certainly don't know. Don't know what I know. It was as is. What about semantic memory? Or as some say memories from a past life or past lives if we are to believe in reincarnation. The successive reincarnation of our humanity in order to transcend to that higher plane of existence. How many more reincarnations? With most certainty not within this lifetime or end of this lifetime. I think twice more will get me there. How many past reincarnations has it taken...who knows really.
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I think the most pivotal moment of my life was at the age of 15 years. That was when I was getting beaten down by about twelve plus Hmong punks. My two younger brothers of 8 and 12 years of age wanted to go play so the begged me for two weeks to take them to the arcade. It was just a normal sunny summer day like normal. I finally agreed so we walked towards the arcade. The arcade was about maybe a mile and a half away. There was a wooded section that we could take as a short cut. Well only problem was that at the end of the street just before we were going to cut into the woods was some other Hmong boys. I'd figure they were just going to the arcade too, it's the normal route. Well they were walking in front of us and we were slightly behind them. Then they split into two groups one in front and one behind us. I could feel something wrong but I'd figure since I was taller than any of them that they wouldn't mess with us. Then they started to taunt us by throwing rocks but I ignored them.
Suddenly one guy kicks me from behind and I turn around only to get punched in the face. They all surrounded us. They started to swear and taunt and sucker punch me repeatedly. I had enough and I punched the punk who landed the first punch on me, knocking him down and out. I thought they would back off after that but I was wrong. Next thing all them punks were all over me, continously puncking and kicking from behind me. Not a single punk would stand their ground and fight head on. It was a losing fight for me, I couldn't simultaneously defend and attack. I was totalling stuck in defensive mode as I feared for my younger brother's life. I was being hit with rocks from the distance. They took their shoes off and hammered me with it. I had to draw all them punks at me. My younger brothers were stunned and shocked. Frozen in fear.
I made a short run distance where I could see the punks weren't even touching my younger brothers. I held my ground for a few more moments. That's when I really felt a hard knock to me head. I was either hit by a large stone or totally got punched to the head really hard. I really couldn't stay and take the beating anymore. Maybe if I just fall down and they would just leave me alone. I took a dive to the ground. They didn't leave me alone. They stomped on me. They continously kicked me down each time I tried to get back up. They stood on top of me and kept giving me a beating. All this time swearing at me and talking trash. I remember clearly some of their words. Why did you punch me? Why did you kick me? Why did you fight? You aint so tough! You're going to die!. Several minutes past as I lay there motionless being beatened like a dead horse. Eventually they grew tired and they left me. My two younger brothers merely watched the whole thing.
I lay there till the punks were totally gone. I got up. Felt all the pain and saw all the blood. My brothers only said a few words to me. Are you all right? You're bleeding from your ears. There was a pond nearby and I slowly made my way there. I washed the blood off of me as best as I can. Since I knew my old man would probably give me another beating too if he saw that I was involved in a fight. Which was something he always believed that was which I was the cause of it. I washed the blood from my face and was carefull with the blood from my ears. I washed the blood from my hands and arms from all that beating I took. I was still in shock over the event a little surprised that I wasn't dead.
I got up made my walk back home. It was a slow walk, I was hurting a lot. Each step was full of pain and anguish, but it would be better to get home before those punks come back. I was in no condition to kick any ass since I was so beatened up already. I knew what my mistakes were. I was too soft. I didn't fight to kill. I was fighting to protect and defend. That was my fault. I so clearly knew that my younger brothers were endangered but somehow they didn't even get a scratch. That was okay. My objective was completed. My younger brothers were safe. As my mind replayed the fight, I kind of scared myself. My choices of fighting to kill instead. I didn't know I had it in me, but it was there. A rage that might break loose of it's chains. Yet it still hasn't to this very day.
Dang. Something like that would've fuct me up for life. I'd be planning my revenge on them kids each day until they're wiped out. Glad I wasn't you since something like that would've taken up many years of my life. I might've even waited and stalked one or two of them till they had children and then use their children to get back at them. >:D
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Dang. Something like that would've fuct me up for life. I'd be planning my revenge on them kids each day until they're wiped out. Glad I wasn't you since something like that would've taken up many years of my life. I might've even waited and stalked one or two of them till they had children and then use their children to get back at them. >:D
The thing that truly scares me the most...if I was to fear anything in life is my ability to kill. Yet it is kept in check by my simple compassion for others. Growing up anywhere I go or any place I end up, I always had a fight or flight plan in my mind. Always try to be a shadow, or that wallflower. For driving on the road, always be alert to potential road rage idiots. In parties or big gatherings, always be mindful or vigilante of possible flying 44 oz of jar of alcohol. No zombie will bite me if the Zombie Apocalypse ever comes. :2funny:
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My secret phone number that I forget to call...
436-1236-643
with fobby accent
for phree sax, want to phree sax, sax for phree...
:knuppel2: :nono: Hey, I tried to call but wrong number... :2funny:
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This morning...the loudest ever thunder clap I have ever heard or experienced... nearly blew out my ear drums and the house has never shook and vibrated this much ever before. The term thunderstorm, it literally was just thunder. Since I was asleep at the moment, I didn't see the flash, but I did see it, while my eyes were closed. I felt like it was just a few feet above overhead. Because it was so close, both the flash and clapped were synchronized. I have never ever heard a secondary reverberation of the original clap and this one time I did and it was echoing it's way away.
Fortunately it was an arc of plasma that only came close to ground and did not make landfall. I had my fan blowing on me while I was asleep so I could not tell how the ionization in the air was. I was too physically tired, so I didn't wake up to to wander around at that moment. Now that I'm up, it's sunny outside and only a hint of some moisture. Nothing around outside shows any indication of a storm front. Radar map online shows thunderstorm around outside my area and I seem to be in an eye of calmness. It sunny and clear outside at the moment. Daily weather prediction is scattered thunderstorms. Current time is about 11am...that thunderclap was about 8:30 am.
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It is about noon and I just notice a drastic change in outside weather. The clouds and winds have just picked up.
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It is about 1 pm...outside is almost twilight...The winds are almost nonexistent
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...and the sound of pitter patter rain drops...and the wind begins to howl...
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I must have been a little tipsy last night. Hmmm if I said something that is not of my character...th en that was the villain talking, cuz the hero was chilling. Hmmm, if it was something of my character...th en perhaps that was the tipsy hero and the villain was pissed drunk. Maybe I'm not quite awake yet...Just using the water closet.
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Hmmm....I took the time machine for so long...I didn't realize...it's been twelve hours since.
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I always like these flowery inspirational proverbs that people quotes, but everything in life has two sides of Ying Yang and we all know life isn't fair at all. Seek life and life will test you. Beat life in the battle at the end and be granted the reward of death. Knowing that, yet why we cling to life? Simple we love life itself. We don't search of love, we search for ways to show our love. Life may not give you what you seek or deserve, but life has given you everything and every chance to overcome all those obstacles and them more to test you. You can only smile as life beats you...as you beat life right back with everything to live for, to show for, that your love is stronger than life itself. It doesn't make sense and it makes sense. I am always fighting for my life.
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I always like these flowery inspirational proverbs that people quotes, but everything in life has two sides of Ying Yang and we all know life isn't fair at all. Seek life and life will test you. Beat life in the battle at the end and be granted the reward of death. Knowing that, yet why we cling to life? Simple we love life itself. We don't search of love, we search for ways to show our love. Life may not give you what you seek or deserve, but life has given you everything and every chance to overcome all those obstacles and them more to test you. You can only smile as life beats you...as you beat life right back with everything to live for, to show for, that your love is stronger than life itself. It doesn't make sense and it makes sense. I am always fighting for my life.
Sounds like you have a lot of love to give, VillainousHero! :)
Anyway, what do you mean when you say you are always "fighting for your life"? Usually people say "fighting for my life" when they are facing a life or death situation. Are you facing a life or death situation??
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Sounds like you have a lot of love to give, VillainousHero! :)
Anyway, what do you mean when you say you are always "fighting for your life"? Usually people say "fighting for my life" when they are facing a life or death situation. Are you facing a life or death situation??
I don't like conflicts. I avoid conflicts in my life. I am a very peaceful and gentle nature person. And yes, it always seems like I am crossing paths with "life and death" situations. More than I would like to, and more than I can remember.
For example...It was a while ago. I merely stop by a gas station to get fuel. Next thing I know some young kids pull up. Starts to ask me to go buy them cigarettes. I said, I respectfully decline as I was merely just getting fuel and am in a hurry on my way. So Next thing these kids started to get rowdy and start swearing and making threats. Now these are serious, threats with intention to cause bodily harm and I'm just getting gas for my vehicle. So it got to the point where I called them out on it. You seriously gonna make that threat then step up to it, and I will pacify that threat by means of elimination if necessary. Yeah, I sure wasn't gonna let them just try to distract me and steal something from my vehicle and run off. As it seems things like this are so typical in my life. People are always starting something with me...just because I am physically there at that place and time.
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Growing up in a predominately white society...the middle/high school International Club has a shared common interest of social building. We of multi-ethnicity shared together, to learn more about American society. The international exchange students and us minorities in the club just sort of did our things together. Even then we had all sorts of personalities in there, the gangster rebels, the no technology country folks, the religiously cultured kids, the totally preppy white washed kids too, as some goes.
In grade school, all the Hmong kids and minorities were put into ESL - whatever it's called now ELL. What I never understood was I was kicked out of ESL class. All my siblings got to be in ESL classes, but me. What I finally understood when it was years later...when I was tested around 6th grade and was told my reading writing was at 18+ level. And again to an ignorant kid, it most certainly makes no sense since we were all brain washed. "You are special. You are equal" education. There was also the split reading groups...The fast paced, the middle paced, and the slow paced. I was always in the slow paced...but I already finished the book. In essence I could be described as a melancholic personality. My interests in normal society, schooling...be came diminutive. I exhibited eccentric behavior, yet always labeled as most creative and most artistic. Yet all I wanted to do was help others. I never though about myself first.
There was always the point of where the teacher asks a question and a lot of kids raises their hands. As often a teacher picks a student and they give the wrong answer. You see this daily and repeatedly and wonder why? Don't pick me, I didn't even raise my hand. I hated that aspect. Sure I gave the right answer, most of the time. Somehow there were times where I plain didn't understand the question asked. Again don't pick me, I didn't even raise my hand. Now I give the I don't know, but if I had to say something...bl ah blah blah blah. Totally unfounded and wrong. The whole class laughs at my stupidity. Wasn't until around maybe 4th grade and I did the hand raising thing. I had it figured that if I raised my hand too, it would look like I was paying attention and I would be pick even less, and it worked. Just rambling...som e thought from the past.
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Help me, Help you.
I often ask myself this question in many situations.
In personal relationship.. .there was a time that I have said, "I bring an early retirement to life." Yes there was an ambition there, hardcore work ethics, simple financial security, nothing so out of the ordinary...a simple balance to life. I wanted 20 yrs of retirement to enjoy life, I wanted to put 20 yrs of hard service into life, I had already spent 20 yrs growing up from baby to adult.
Well of course it didn't work out that way. So what do I bring to the table now?
All I can say is that I have very little to offer in the like of my previous plan. All I can bring now is the best version of myself. Materialistica lly that's not much to offer. However relationship, that's what is was about in the first place. In personal relationship, I have forgotten what I truly am, the real me. So what was the real me after all this time? The hero in me. While that constitutes the core of who I am, I still do not know how to be the hero that others will value. The core value of being Hmong.
The Hmong Way: You Help me, I Help You
Perhaps may have been misunderstood or misrepresented by those who have decided to use this to their own advantage as in an I Owe You contract. Originally, if I may be so bold to say, that the Hmong Way was a humanitarian way. I Help You when I have charity and a means to. You Help Me, when you have the charity and means to. We know as it goes that some people are more capable of helping, while others are in need of more help. It is not always an equal trade. There may have been times where the marker has been called and the need for help is great. Help Me Now, in my time of need. I will Help You on my word in your time of need. I have made that obligatory contract on my word. I will never make that obligation chain onto you. That is where it has been misrepresented . I will not force you to help me when I need help. I am asking for your charity, if you, the person I am asking, don't have it you don't. Now if you're just unwilling when you have the means to, well that goes that you may be a stingy and selfish person.
I was once proposed this question: Help me, help you.
Now it was strange to hear this out of the blue, when I was ever doing is helping others. So that one day, I was exhausted and depleted and choose to excuse myself from work about 1 hour before the actual close of day, as I have already fulfilled the weekly work quota and them more. It was a very low volume work week. Then all of a sudden after the fact the following Monday, I was having this conversation of work ethics. Bottom line the professionalis m went out the door and I knew these folks were finding excuse for their lack of results. So deadlines don’t mean jack at this time. Anyway the question proposed to me was. “How do you help me, help you?”
I answered honestly, “Be professional. Treat me with the professional courtesy that I have given onto you.” So that is where the professionalis m of this organization is at. It was more about smoke and mirrors than actual professionalis m. The week leading up to that, I heard some gossips. Things said about how I’m such a whiner about stuff that don’t work. When I was told to leave this position, they had the audacity to say, that they needed to escort me out of the building. I couldn’t even say good bye or thank you to anyone else. This goes back to the key words, help me, help you.
This is again the misrepresentat ion of the word. The way it is worded, in English is at the fault. It’s about this me, me, me first. The emphasis is again at the me level. The selfish way of saying I get what I want first and you come afterwards. Most of us are familiar with the Good Samaritan. This is about a person who sees a robbed, injured person on the side of the road, and then stops to help that injured person. That Good Samaritan did not stop to think, what if it was a trap? While the story ends there, how is it that we can apply this to ourselves? Obvious the Good Samaritan this organization is trying to be a representation of, is quite so. A lot of skeletons in the closet sort of to speak of locked and swept under the rug.
In the bigger picture of life and working relationship, I have always been the helpful person. Always helping others in their struggle or need, or when they stumble or simply stuck. I was willing, lending, aiding all those people. It was when I was not able to, that the fangs bared and the eyes glared right back at me. The discontent that these people harbored, was all tossed right at me when I least expected. I spent all this time, showing and delivering options that would help them, yet these people did none of that. I simply stacked the work, until it exploded and then look for an easy way out. I was supposed to be the easy way out for them, but on that day it didn’t happen like so. I am booked, obligated elsewhere, I am not able to deliver assistance today. That’s where the hate comes about. It comes back to the question they proposed to me, “How do you help me, help you?”
It goes back to accountability . Obviously these people are well supported within the organization and I am being set up as the fall guy. The organization is very well designed to sweep unwanted things under the rug. When helping them clean anything, these things swept under the rugs are going to be found dirty as heck. Now that was my mistake being in good faith and all in my attempt to be helpful. You can’t help fix what’s broken if they choose to hide what’s broken. Everyone wants a fix for the symptoms but never the fix at the root cause.
So what do I bring to the table? As current I see nothing. It’s nothing until I see the value of bringing something to the table. I see nothing unless I see how my skill set and abilities are valued to be brought forth. I am always helpful, willing, and thoughtful of the accomplishing the goal. I am task orientated, time orientated, operational instruction detailed, methodically sequential performance detailed. People have told me often that I need to think outside of the box or need to see the bigger picture. How often do these people not realize that I see like nine boxes when you’re seeing one. When you see a big picture on the wall, I see the entire room and big pictures on every wall. I do not know how to explain to these people nor make them understand such things that are beyond the scope of their understanding. I am still learning, as I do not posses that kind of wisdom. All this time, "I've been helping you to help me." It's not working. I lack the method. It still eludes me.
probably one of my longest journal post...just the same thought, reflecting back and trying to find the best course of action going forward.
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I often thought and wonder why people contradict themselves.
Hmong People - free people
Hmong ancient traditional culture - Let me help you, then you can help me.
now the contradiction goes...
Hmong marriage = Why are men only at top and women are like second class, like slaves?
That constant reminder and the constant upheaval. Why do Hmong people say that this is culture in the way they treat women/wives. She was bought with money, so she is now someone's possession.
Really these people who claim to know Hmong culture do not have the slightest clue of what Hmong culture is. These are just twisted misrepresentat ion that abusive dictators would make such statements. What's even worse are that Hmong women who repeat these misrepresentat ion and say it's due to Hmong culture.
How can a person say it's Hmong culture? It contradicts Hmong traditional culture?
It was an abusive relationship. It is not culture.
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Growing up I was so stupid...it's the precedent that exemplifies my entire life.
While everyone was checking children's books like Dr. Sues or Curious George of the likes. I was checking out reference materials. I remember the librarian telling me I couldn't check out those books. And they made me, check out some children's book. I never understood it.
This went on for years since beginning elementary school. It was only around like maybe 6th grade or much later that it was finally explained to me. It had something to do with using the library and how to do research in writing a paper. These are called reference materials as needs to stay in the library so that others may use them. My entire childhood growing up was dumb down to this one moment.
I really felt that my entire education stagnant right around the age of 12 yrs. I never made those connections.
As I see my children growing up...my boy now 12 yrs old...triggers these forgotten memories within myself.
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I'm honest and truthful, full of integrity to a fault. I am trying to lie to others so they'll believe that I can be relate-able to being thug, ghetto, selfish, types of people. I have been advised many times to choose my battle. That is my problem. I don't know how to not reflect jerks and contemptuous people right back at them.
This society, these people are plenty and their negativity is toxic. A weak antidote is sometimes useful. However sometimes one cannot be weak and finesse everything in life. Sometimes one must be aggressive with the antidote. Be as it may, that people will get uncomfortable with that method. One has to achieve measurable results in the most efficient way possible. Do we, or us, or anyone has the time to slowly cultivate remedies and cures for toxic, negative people in years? Or do we need to stand firm and administer antidote right there in the midst of a nerve attack.
Yes, I need to work on finessing thing more to maybe diffusing that bomb...But we all also know, that a strong impregnable stature will deflect that bomb that is gonna explode no matter when...stop walking on eggshells or thin ice. Let them blow and sweep the destruction out the window.
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Once in a while I have a recurring dream of just running. Running as in training. Running as in just enjoying it. Running as if I am running because I am running towards something, away from, or along side with. It's the whole process of being lucid with each stride, each foot impact, each spring in the leg, the muscles, the tendons, the ligaments.
I just hope my legs weren't kicking up a storm while my body is fast asleep. LOL.
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Yesterday I was getting off a plane with just an oversized shirt. I had no pants, no shoes...eventu ally someone gave me some pants. I remember walking into a very big building, the airport terminal. I kept my eyes on the ground. Then I remember taking a long train ride. I somehow was outside playing in between the moving train cars. I watched the tracks and ground moved and listen to the loud noise of the train and felt the whirling air about. What was I doing outside? I was taking a pee. Later a train conductor found me and arrested me. Brought me back to my parents and he said something to them. I fell asleep afterwards. I was about 1+ years old.
I met my sponsors for the first time...They held some strange device and kept telling up to stand still so they put that device up to their face and there was a clicking sound. I remember that vase of fake flowers they gave to my mom and they took a photo of it. I told me to hold it too. A few weeks later, that's how the photo's turned out. I remember that because of the vase of fake flowers. I was at a new place now. I didn't see the sponsors. So this is where a new life started for me, for us. I remember being hungry. I remember how the sponsors put these bread into a toaster. I went and did the same.
That may have been a long time ago, but that was just like yesterday. I have not forgotten.
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Stupid moron. cuts me off at the corner. Cuts me off at the corner and then finally drives down my residential street. It's a dead end buddy.
All that speedy driving and cutting me off, get's you down my dead end street. It's also 2 am in the morning. What are you doing down on my street at this hour while I'm just coming home?
There's not another car on the road and you need to cut me off. Now you're trap at my dead end street. Are you afraid that I'm going to kill you now?
Stupid moron...stop trying to cut people off on the road. Just drive away.
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So my father just passed away. Hospital pronounced his death.
There were things that were never said, now can never be said.
There were things that can never be taken back.
There were things that were never patched up.
When I cried and bawled tears, the guy walked away and didn't care.
Yet, he did so the same, again.
So my mom, is just lost in grievance. If there is anything, anything. I know. Simple comfort.
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I am so sorry for your loss, VillainousHero! :'( Be strong and take care of yourself.
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My condolences. Sorry for your loss. May your father rest in peace.
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I'm just kind of at a lost...
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I totally understand. You’re not alone. We are here if you need to talk.
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After talking to some family members...what I don't understand is why do some still insist on bringing up some past stuff. As if I'm am suppose to be angry or mad or hold a grudge or something about it. When I had, I gave with no conditions. I gave freely. If I anything that I did, would I not be the one to bring those things up? After all I was the one on the receiving end. I mean I was the one who got blamed for those things of which I was the victim of their results. And yet, people still want to somehow justify as if they can pass blame. Why?
Have I not fought enough for a little piece of the life that I have with so little given onto me? Is that not enough? I pulled from nothing to make something so little.
This is my father, who gave me life and brought me over to this country. This is my father who did not know how to be a parent nor even know how to give a shred of respect to his own son. This is my father who deemed me, unworthy of anything and left me to fend for myself.
My mom is now, putting conditions of how I should behave. My mother who birth me and brought me over to this country. My mother who humiliates me in front of others, even if it's for jest it still hurts a lot. Now I understand why I have an inherent dislike for passive aggressive personality. I just realized that it stemmed from my own mother. Yes, once I told her to stop it. And now it's defines me as the short fused personality.
My own ignorance is my own. I must not understand, that is my own shortcoming. Do people not understand? All I wanted is a peaceful coexistence. I helped freely with no conditions. When I couldn't, I'm now the bad person.
Stop poking, prodding, stirring, fueling, insinuating, accusing, blaming, assuming, etc.,...
Am I not hurt enough?
Must I fight the pain too?
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My mother told me.
My mother and sister tried to get access to my father's bank account and other billing matters. They suddenly insisted on getting a translator for my mother. That translator suddenly said that they will not grant access to give power of attorney over to my sister. This is what my mom just asked for.
The translator started his spiel about how my sister is going to run off with the money. Did you not understand that my father has just passed away? Why do people who only have ill intentions assume that others are going to have ill intentions.
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This past week, it's been nothing but melancholy.
I try to sleep but don't. I think I'll put my head down for a spell and turns out it's either three to four hours later or ten to twelve hours later.
I still need to do stuff...
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My father's body is finally laid to rest, as of yesterday. I can finally say that he is at peace.
You have earned your well deserved rest.
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The reason why I left the military
One day...my commanding officer said this, "What would you do if I put this gun up to your head?" And he took his 9mm out of it's holster.
My response, "I can put the clip onto my M16 faster than you can put a clip into that 9mm. Want to test that?" - the full advantage of having a combat speed sling.
That is why I lost trust in my leadership. I was the entirety, the backbone to the success of the mission. They cannot afford to lose me if the mission was to be successful. However the moment that they think they would achieve that success, they were going to get rid of me. I always had to hold onto that bit, that my value was worth that much, but also keep that away from them.
That is why they kept me from getting the proper promotion and service recognition.
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So after so many years of driving my Tundra knowing full well of all the mechanical problems...fin ally I got around to getting the majority of it fixed.
The brakes...the muffler and exhausts...wha tever the stupid check engine light keep tripping...the hood latch....
Now the main mechanics of it are fixed. Drives like almost brand new feel again. I actually missed the loud resonating exhaust...At least I knew exactly when I gassed it. Now it's almost too quiet.
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When we used to live in the project homes....
It was a very hard twist of fate. The very people who wronged me and yet I still went out of my way to save them. Not once did anyone thank me. There was no gratitude. It was the same repeat with the people from the projects homes. Doesn't matter who you helped or saved, they never even say thanks afterwards.
When I was in third grade, the summer I saw one Hmong girl who was new to the projects home. She was a very beautiful girl and all the boys liked her and I admit I like her too. She was fawned over and could easily choose who to be her boyfriend. But being the short snot nosed kid, of course that would never happen. Plenty of other Hmong boys who were older and better looking than I was.
So that one day three teenage black kids came and kidnapped her from the playground. They threatened everyone and all the kids were scared of the three black kids. Those three black kids were molesting her and planning to rape her. They were kissing her, holding her down, taking turns to putting their pelvis into hers. They dragged her into the bushes. I being the loner I saw it all happening and all the other kids just scared stiff.
It was then that I knew if I got the high ground, I could fight them one on one. The bushes and the path of that spot made it possible. The spot was like the secret lover's spot where us kids sometimes play house to say. I fought like a hell hound, well actually more like a raging monkey. The over hang of the bushes prevented the taller black teenage kid from standing up fully, but it was fine for a short kid like me. The biggest thing of fighting in extreme close quarter, was something of using a ground striking technique of reverse punches and kicks. Add into that something of a finger pinch and twist into the strikes. Black people have a kind of soft skin where it's easy to pinch if you have the hand grip pinch strength and I have it.
I don't know how fast it was or how long it took. I just knew that I couldn't stand how they came into my playground area and dehumanized such a beautiful girl. Those three teenage black kids kept trying to get into the tight space there but I fought them off hard enough. After they all took some damage they eventually gave up and ran away. I remember bursting out from the bush almost ready to give chase. However they already took off. The girl was crying a lot when I finally calm down some to look at her. Her dress was ripped in some spots on the shoulder and neck. I took her home and her mom was giving me the stinky eye look and gave me a verbal abuse of several Hmong words I have no idea what she was saying.
I was suddenly the bad person who hurt her. I rebuke and try to tell her mom about the three black teenage kids and what they were doing to the girl. Her mom physically pushed me away and I must have gave her mom the ugliest look ever, cuz her mom hates me every time she sees me on the playground.
By then, it seemed that rumors of me had become so bad that my father finally decided that it was best that we moved. I didn't understand at the time why none of the other kids would say anything, why none of them would even try to help, why none of them would even try to get an adult to help. I don't think that any of these kids would know or remember me. I was always isolated and treated as an outsider and yet I was too naive or dense to have seen it. It would seem like there was always someone who wanted to fight me. Not sure why, but in the end they would run away after they couldn't beat me. Sure they always threw the first punch and I was almost always unprepared for a fight. I couldn't kick a soccer ball worth anything but I can sure kick the living daylights out of anyone. Not sure why I being the smallest boy would always end up fighting people who were always bigger and older than me. I haven't done anything to anyone, except refuse to be someone else's object of hatred.
I do remember that before we moved, my mom told me that I didn't know what I was talking about. The way that she said it was very insulting. She told me that I was mispronouncing the other kids names the whole time. I didn't believe her. I know what I heard. I also know that I only had one good ear to hear too. Yet no one believed me. No one believed me...not even my own parents believed me.
Before we actually left the projects homes, I found two of the black teenage kids again. They saw me and I saw them. Since there was only two of them, they were sneering but weren't so intimidating. Or so maybe they thought they could be intimidating, but I picked up a few rocks and I started to chase them. I threw rocks at them that were almost on target and they got scared and took off even faster. Can't expect a short snot nosed kid to be able to chase down long legged teenage black kids.
I didn't know that after a few days some of the relatives showed up and we moved away from the projects homes. I didn't even know we were moving. I only knew that I didn't sleep in my old bed that night and didn't know which direction was where my old home was. I thought about the beautiful girl I liked and saved and I only thought that I was never going to see her anymore.
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Why the weird dream...
I dream that I was suddenly selected to be recruited into a human survival project. Said that we were gonna be quarantine in a massive complex. Fences were put up. I was suddenly given a rush physical. Heck they didn't even give me boots yet and off to the complex project I was transported too.
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Why is it that it never fails me on the level of disrespect that people have.?
So often, when I think about how hurt someone is and how much love and healing they need. Just then on the very next moment, they're insulting someone with such convictions as if the target of attack was somehow at fault. What then if I suddenly become their next target by simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time?
There is a partial reason why I am introverted dominant and that makes up a huge part of my personality. In actuality my personality is enforced upon me, by my experiences through interactions of others. In suspecting someone of being pretentious, it is not that they're hiding something but it's that they're trying to make an influential impression upon those around them. Like any pecking order, it makes an establishment where, one gets their daily ego and reassures themselves in their place in society.
What I wonder and ponder most over is...Why the need to insult or disrespect others? Basically why pick fights with other people?
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Strange thought and memory just came to mind. While I'm thinking of purchasing a bicycle for my daughter, I remember when my dad first took me to buy a bike for me. The only thing I was thinking was I should pick the bike so that my sisters would ride it. They kept trying to tell be to pick the boys bike, but I kept picking out the girls bike. Not once did I ever think, it's going to be my bike, for myself. I was thinking of others.
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Oh darn! I got a blood vessel rupture in my left eye. I'm going blind! This spells...old man gonna getcha. So now daylight, sunlight is very bothersome.
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Okay, so I hear a mouse trap triggered and squeaking mouse. However I was still eating and said to myself to not be bothered cuz I'm eating. Well now that I'm done eating, I can't find the trap that triggered. D'Oh@@%!!!!! :D
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Was planning to clean the rain gutters, but now it's rain. Crud looks like it's gonna be stuck there all winter again...
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Should I shovel snow or not....Nahhhh. .. :P
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Awe ahh awwwk...5:30 AM and the snow plow has come, now I must shovel... >:(
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Wow no more snow. Some rain. Now super windy! :D
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Why is my stomach crying like a hungry baby? When I don't even feel like I'm hungry nor have any appetite? >:(
I gotta feed it...
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I've been super sick with the Flu. Four days of sickness that felt like four years of misery. It would be great to be able to sleep but when just laying there and wondering time away, it's like an eternity.
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Sorry to hear that. Get well soon.
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Sorry to hear that. Get well soon.
Thanks looks like I am in recovering mode. I lost some weight and muscle tone.
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So after getting sick, looks like my eyes are going into out of focus mode. I might need bifocals in the near future. Wow this is going to get interestingly different.
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I feel like I have fully recovered from this illness. However as old age comes, I also feel like some old age things have settled upon me. Ah well. It's now older age middle man. :D
Not as strong as capable as mid twenties man. Not so sharp as smart as mid twenties man. ladida ladida.
People still say I ain't no fifties man...yeah one point short of it. Still when they say you must be thirties something. Thanks, it's just the clothes. LOL.
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God is such a spiteful god. On my days off work, he either throws the worst weather onto me or makes me acquire the worst illness of all. This year I had scheduled two weeks of vacation off work, specifically for ice fishing and I get hit with the worst health condition I have yet to endure. I felt like I had bronchitis and worst than physical fatigue to full weakness where just walking up a flight of stairs at home was near death experience. So yeah wasted my vacation days just for recovery.
Also earlier just last year, my eyes experienced the worst pain. Felt like they exploded and yeah that's what happen. Woke up to some thunderstorm and serious thunderclaps just above roof head. Then in that flash of lightning, I had flashes of light burst within my eyes. I went blinded by pulses of electrical nerves firing off as if I was seeing stars. I was seeing stars of nerve flashes. Any visual stimuli sent pain straight to my head as if it went straight through my head. I have lost some vision acuity now. My left eye has lost focus, except for very near like a foot away. My right eye cannot see near focus. It requires about two to three feet distance to see. So I'm still a near sight. I will require a new prescription and I should go get a vision check before that.
Should I go to church to hear how God loves me? Loves to torture me. >:D
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All my life in MN, never seen a thunderstorm this bad ever.
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Went fishing, during daylight! Whoah gotten too much sun within two hours and nearly passed out. Gosh I'm getting old. Also why I prefer to fish at night. This would never happen like passing out from sunlight.
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So a big oak tree broke off during those few days of warm windy days this past weekend. It came down crashing onto the neighbor's little backyard garden shack and took out their power lines. Tough. Although it really was their own fault to begin with. What did you expect when you cut all your trees and now leaving me with my trees that were in the middle of the wood line. They are weaker trunks that will break under wind, rain, or snow. So now it has happen although it took a few years. So he calls me an idiot. I pretend not to hear or rather choose not to respond to negativity. Since it was his own stupidity that brought that about. So me the idiot and him the stupid one, works out well.
My dilemma now is figuring out how to saw the remaining tree trunks that's too heavy for me to move. How I must now spend my free time cleaning up the mess of mother nature. And when will the next tree fall, it's only a matter of time. It's all in direct area of power lines. Just a matter of time.
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Google chrome update! Gosh now things look different slightly. I always dislike these changes, cuz I have to look in different spots for things I used to do.
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So I got this PC when my kids were still toddlers or so, as far as I can remember easily over ten years. Lately for the past couple of years, it's been stalling and freezing on any application I do. Yeah even opening the little file folder and it often hangs up for several minutes. So I finally decided that it's time for a newer PC. Just bought the new one and then suddenly the old one is not hanging up or stalling. WHY???????!!!! So here I am typing on the old one still. I haven't plug the new one up yet as seems I might need a little side table that's a little longer cuz the stand is two legged on the ends, vs the traditional single center stand. Oh the dilemma. Oh well, I sort of knew this would happen.
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Okay, so the old one is crapping choking crashing down. Yes as of typing this. This is the new PC. It's so weird looking and gosh, I'm gonna miss all those downloaded photos on the old PC. Lots of catfish girls that I so liked so much, so lovely so cutey so gorgeous. Ah well my eyes is getting worse so if I cannot see, I don't need. :D
This is like the fastest PC set up ever in my life. Although Wi-fi was definitely required...
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I think I will finally say that I belong to the old folks group now. My body isn't like how a young twenty year old body anymore. Thinking like that, well seems like it was over twenty years ago, approaching thirty years ago.
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No need to buy anything for Black Friday.
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I slipped on the ice on the drive way during that thaw and rain, that's some slick ice. Ouch.
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What are the chances of someone hitting your parked vehicle?
Gosh seems a lot on mine. It's gotten to the point where, yeah bumper is falling off now. >:(
Guess I'll have to pay out of pocket to get it fixed up...
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This heat! I had to bring out the fan. :D
Dang the grass are gonna turn green really soon!
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I somehow just noticed that my long toe, is that much longer. Did it continue to grow as I got older? :D I always seem to remember that it was fairly leveled in length with the big toe, but now it seems to be much much longer.
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Work scheduled me to work, when I requested it off and double checked to make sure it was okay and approved. Now they be calling me and asking me why I'm not at work. Cuz you approved my day off, duh and now you mad that I didn't show up for work.
If anyone should be mad and have the right to be, it would be me. However I don't have the energy to put forth to being mad about it. Just drive on and get it done and over with.
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Just right after mowing the lawn...the mower belt came loose and off. Now had to waste time to disassemble the mower deck and and put the belt back on and stuff. What a waste of time. Anyways good lesson and experience since it seems like the belt is getting on old and sometimes in the near future of next year or two, it will need to be replaced.
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Software update and everything online logs me off... :P
Gosh, who remembers all their passwords...
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I had a very lovely dream about a love from a past life with a certain someone. :D Gosh I didn't really want to wake up from, alas it was just a dream.
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Nice, Halloween and a pile of snow coming.
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Doing yard work and found someone's broken fish rod, just the handle part in my back yard. :D Crazy peeps always be trashing things...oh and found a pail, a trash can, and a wheeled cart too. Gosh these trashy people walked a long ways just to toss some trash stuff.
The pail and trash can are in perfect condition too.
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Really our first major ice roads of the season. So many accidents already. :D
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you can actually mow the lawn in this weather...what ever happened to using the snow blower... :D
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Accident at work. Almost lost my finger. Guess no fishing for me.
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There's something about old age. Gray hairs. Gosh, now I see them grays, even with my blindish eyes. :D
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...month later...finger is pretty much healed up. Some scaring and still thin skin where the wound is at. Healed enough that bandage is not required for the wound, but maybe just as a buffer protection.