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Marriage & Family Life / Opposite Gender Friends
« Last post by Believe_N_Me on Today at 12:04:27 PM »I'm very old school and don't think it's healthy for spouses to have opposite gender friends. Of course, people have their own definition of what a friend is. A friend to me is someone whom you feel comfortable opening up to, spend time with, and can rely on for favors. So as you can see, having an opposite gender friend (per my definition) creates an opportunity for emotional cheating, which can lead to physical cheating.
Now if you're talking about opposite gender acquaintance then that is a totally different thing. An acquaintance to me is someone you know (as in you can identify who they are), but on a very formal and professional level only. You're not comfortable opening up to them because they are essentially still a stranger and one whom you have no inclination to know better. You only come across them on a professional level. Very transactional only.
Having said that, it's even more disrespectful to a spouse or you to keep opposite gender friends who are attracted to you and would not hesitate to entertain you. I'm sick and tired of the people who say, "just because s/he likes me doesn't mean that I like her/him. Why are you so insecure?"
While that may be true that you don't have the feels for them, it raises questions why you/your spouse need to keep the crushes in orbit. Other than to feed your own ego, lift your self-esteem, and to manipulate your spouse to fear that you have options. And honestly, if you or your spouse claim that it doesn't cause insecurity then you probably have a transactional marriage where they don't have deep feelings for you, and are only with you because you supply basic needs for them. And if that's why you got married and it's working for you then by all means, go with your transactional marriage.
However, all in all, it is just plain disrespectful to your spouse and your relationship to keep around people who aren't adding to your marriage.
Now if you're talking about opposite gender acquaintance then that is a totally different thing. An acquaintance to me is someone you know (as in you can identify who they are), but on a very formal and professional level only. You're not comfortable opening up to them because they are essentially still a stranger and one whom you have no inclination to know better. You only come across them on a professional level. Very transactional only.
Having said that, it's even more disrespectful to a spouse or you to keep opposite gender friends who are attracted to you and would not hesitate to entertain you. I'm sick and tired of the people who say, "just because s/he likes me doesn't mean that I like her/him. Why are you so insecure?"
While that may be true that you don't have the feels for them, it raises questions why you/your spouse need to keep the crushes in orbit. Other than to feed your own ego, lift your self-esteem, and to manipulate your spouse to fear that you have options. And honestly, if you or your spouse claim that it doesn't cause insecurity then you probably have a transactional marriage where they don't have deep feelings for you, and are only with you because you supply basic needs for them. And if that's why you got married and it's working for you then by all means, go with your transactional marriage.
However, all in all, it is just plain disrespectful to your spouse and your relationship to keep around people who aren't adding to your marriage.
