PebHmong Discussion Forum
General Category => Hmong Culture & History => Wedding Rituals & Customs => Topic started by: turtle on March 24, 2009, 03:59:08 PM
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her husband's parent(s) instead.
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I would willingly do that if it meant that he had to live with me and my family instead of me living with him and his family.
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If that was the case, Hmong men would not want to marry Hmong women bc it would totally change the dynamics of marriage and expectations.
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Hahaha, that would be interesting though if you think about it...
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hey, wait aren't those old ladies heading to Laos/Thailand paying for their grooms???!?! ;D ;D ;D
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I would willingly do that if it meant that he had to live with me and my family instead of me living with him and his family.
Ditto, I couldn't agree more. What's a few grand if I can spend my life continuing to be with my family.
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you h03s would not even wanna stay with your family in the first place ;D
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I don't have problem paying for him, but he better move in with my family. I don't believe men will last 3 days with the woman's family. He'll hang himself after 3 days. Men just can't do what women do. They only know how to demand and expect from woman to be the best to their family. ;)
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you h03s would not even wanna stay with your family in the first place ;D
::)
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I'd prefer to pay, because then his family can't say anything about what we do, or especially what I choose to do. We can live on our own, do as we please and they'd have to suck it in.
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I think that will be kind of cool...but they would have to pay us directly and when we finish using the money, they can have the option to reload or pay us to leave, equal amount to what we were purchased. ;D ;D
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I think that will be kind of cool...but they would have to pay us directly and when we finish using the money, they can have the option to reload or pay us to leave, equal amount to what we were purchased. ;D ;D
Than all the men should reload now or pay the women to leave. ;D
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Than all the men should reload now or pay the women to leave. ;D
I'm still trying to find one to buy...tell your husband to reload or sell you to me ;) ;D ;D ;D of course i would have to take it at a discounted price ;)
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I'm still trying to find one to buy...tell your husband to reload or sell you to me ;) ;D ;D ;D of course i would have to take it at a discounted price ;)
No...women are like houses. They appreciate, older and wiser, more knowledge and smarter, thou not all women, but still price goes up not down. ;)
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I'd prefer to pay, because then his family can't say anything about what we do, or especially what I choose to do. We can live on our own, do as we please and they'd have to suck it in.
can't they do that now?
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can't they do that now?
I've heard of ONE case. But I don't think it's too well-known. I'm not sure.
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I'd prefer to pay, because then his family can't say anything about what we do, or especially what I choose to do. We can live on our own, do as we please and they'd have to suck it in.
i agree..
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I think there's a high percentage of hmong men paying for hmong women and yet the young couple ends up living with the women's family hehehe
I don't think there should be a dowry anymore... use to be about tradition and respect... this generation doesn't really care or respect traditions anymore... just saying...
Couple should save up and have a big nice wedding & start a family by buying a house/cars/enjoy life... when we marry, we're so focus on finding work, behind in debt and trying to please both sides... we forget that we marry each other because we love each...we should travel and enjoy life before having kids...
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that's totally fine too..so the og's wouldn't have to go borrow from the relatives just to pay for the god damn wife or spent 5-10k for the wife and then next couple of days runs away......5-10k i rather do investment...
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If anyone would go old traditional then go old tradition other wise why put a price on marriage?
Don't we have just enough trouble with the old ways already (man paying for wives)?
What ever it is, if ya'll don't love each other then quit with the excuses. BTW, marriages aren't as what it used to be so get your education and society's living expectations. Go pay your credit card bills or give me money if anyone's that loaded.
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Cov mivnyuas'es,
yog meb sibhlub lawm, meb tsitxhob sibyuav hluas, hluas. Tsitxhob taij namtxiv tas meb yuav sibyuav. Meb nyob uake ib ntus es yog meb kevhlub zoo, meb moog ua ntaubntawv sibyuav xwb txhajle tsi nkim nam/txiv tej nyaj hab sijhawm lug ua mej tej roojtshoob. yog meb tsi sibnyam txaus es meb sibnruaj tsintev uas nyav sibyuav ces yuav nkim nkim nam/txiv tej nyaj hab sijhawm/dlaagzug le os.
es, meb yuav nrug nampuj txivyawm nyob los tau, meb nrug namtais yawmtxiv nyob los tau, meb nyob meb los tau.
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Haha...interes ting. I got my wife for free and I live
I don't have problem paying for him, but he better move in with my family. I don't believe men will last 3 days with the woman's family. He'll hang himself after 3 days. Men just can't do what women do. They only know how to demand and expect from woman to be the best to their family. ;)
You are so WRONG! My wife's parent lived with us, right after we got married. It's been 3 years now and everything is going fine. They help us babysit, while we work and run errors for them.
To me, it's an HONOR to have her parent living with us, since my parent does not want to. I rather love the ogs while they still alive, than when they're already dead.
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I have a solution... why don't you all just pay me :) and I'll arrange the wedding.
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Have Hmong woman pay Hmong man? Hmong man to come and live with her parents?
My Final Answer
Reasons why this won't work:
1) Hmong girls can't make enough money to pay the Hmong men.
2) Hmong man once in the family might do something stupid, like relationship with the younger sisters
3) Hmong man needs to be the central guy that does the "dab qhuas". Hmong women never given that position from god.
4) Of all the 1,000 of people races in the world there is only one race that actually practice this topic so...sooner or later the 1,000 races who don't do this practice will start to look at your women as being insane, crazy, and stupid. You don't want that.
5) So if a Hmong man goes lives with a Hmong woman then this means that a Hmong woman can have two or three Hmong husbands...but do you really want two or three d1cks sticking at you at once at night? Just imagine how slippery and stinky it can be...wheew...m ann...I'm disgusted already.
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her husband's parent(s) instead.
It's comical if you paid for your wife. I didn't. I'm smarter than the OG. Here's what worked for me.
My girlfriend was a nurse at that time and she makes good $$. When we decided to get marry she wrote a check for me for $4,000. I deposited the money to my checking account. So the token cost is $5,000. I paid her parent $1,000 + $4,000= $5,000. Her dowry was over $4,500 cash plus all the usual pillows, cookware, diapers, etc.
So at the end I really paid about $0.00 but I did invest alot of time, energy, courtship, bribe cousin's time, and great drinking...
To date, we are as happy as any Hmong couple. And she makes more than I do...of course, I took 51% of child rearing and schooling the kids. Hehehha...
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I completely agree with you on that. O0
I think there's a high percentage of hmong men paying for hmong women and yet the young couple ends up living with the women's family hehehe
I don't think there should be a dowry anymore... use to be about tradition and respect... this generation doesn't really care or respect traditions anymore... just saying...
Couple should save up and have a big nice wedding & start a family by buying a house/cars/enjoy life... when we marry, we're so focus on finding work, behind in debt and trying to please both sides... we forget that we marry each other because we love each...we should travel and enjoy life before having kids...
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her husband's parent(s) instead.
I hope this was not your last wish, turtle. If you went back and read some more of hmong history, you would find that women used to pay for their husbands. I also heard that women totured our men badly.
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Nowadays, plenty of daughter-in-laws no longer adhere to the old mentality of living with the in-laws anymore. I have witnessed many who not only help with their own family more but live closer to them as well. The husbands today pretty much take the passenger seat in their marriages. If this question was brought up pre-2000 I would criticize its absurdity. But seeing how things are today, it's a legit suggestion.
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I heard of a case... a distant cuz... who's mom (of the hubby) was a very difficult mother-in-law to the nyab... and the nyab couldn't have babies... so one day... after several years of marriage... they really got into a huge argument.
Somehow the issue of the bride price came into the argument, and in anger the nyab paid back all the money of the bride price and then a couple thousand more to stay married to the son. But afterwards she kicked the mother-in-law out. She said that since she already paid for her husband, then that she no longer had any obligation to the mother-in-law.
She even went so far as to tell her hubby that if he wants to be able to bury his mother someday, then he better start saving for it himself. So they split all the bills... ie: mortgage, utilities, etc... in half and whatever was left over from his paycheck, he'd put aside. When the mother-in-law passed away, the wifey didn't even go to the funeral...
The saddest part... he was the only son.
Did her parents charge a high brideprice? Sure, the mil is annoying but I would not give her the satisfaction by paying that money back. As with Hmong customs, it's her son's obligation to pay the brideprice. A man who is unwilling or too broke to pay brideprice probably shouldn't be marrying a Hmong woman to begin with. Maybe he shouldn't be getting married at all and remain a momma's boy forever.
So a word to the wise: don't marry a man who cannot afford to pay a brideprice on his own.
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Almost every wife makes more $$$ than the husband and runs the family and live closer to her parent(s) or live in her parent(S) home.
Woman should pay for her man and bring him to her god.
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might as well! in the day and age, it seems hmong women wear the pants so if they want to get married, save up and buy the hubbies.
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Wouldn't that mean now you'd have to worry about your parents being the critics?
Some parents are cool, others just don't know how to stay out of other people's lives.
Personally I think we should get rid of the whole dowry thing, that $5000 better spent for a nice wedding or to help the couple out.
If you choose to take this route, you better know your relationship with your folks. I have awesome parents who fully understand we're adults and we are to make our own decision. Like my father always says, they will not be here forever and we need to learn to deal with our problems ourselves. They also gave us the dowry along with additional money from relatives to pay for our 20K wedding. If I had paid for my husband, I think we'd be living 20 times better..LOL! Not that my folks spoil us, but they truly love us and allow us to live as adults. And honestly, I prefer to live on my own but if I could, I would live with my folks only so that the husband and I can take care of them and help them out. They run a business too and I know that extra hand is always needed.
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her husband's parent(s) instead.
allow her to be the head of the household to make all decisions for the husband, then she'll pay the dowry to take care of the son for the in-laws...perfect aye?...he has to bow down to her with no exceptions... ;D ;D ;D
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allow her to be the head of the household to make all decisions for the husband, then she'll pay the dowry to take care of the son for the in-laws...perfect aye?...he has to bow down to her with no exceptions... ;D ;D ;D
That's exactly what I'm afraid of. Women thinking because they paid, they are entitled to more. Why not wait until you are both well off and then split the cost. It doesn't have to be one person paying anymore.
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Soon you will see women pay dowry. They will do Mejkoob. They will return you to your parents. They will have second husband or third.
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How do you measure a person's worth?
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I would willingly do that if it meant that he had to live with me and my family instead of me living with him and his family.
Totally. If he can comply to that than I'll lay my riches on the table and bring my groom home....
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I will probably be living with my in-laws when they get up in age.. We live by our self now, but I look forward to living in their house... If we didn't already own our house when we got married, I would have been ok living with them at that time.... My in-laws are pretty awesome and they are very good to me and my wife..I did not pay a dowry to them for their daughter... My MIL said they would be ok with me not paying if we had a Christian wedding...and that's what we wanted anyways....BTW, I am not Hmong
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Just because the rules change doesn't mean the primordial behavior of men will. :idiot2:
I laugh when I hear women think they can change a man's innate ways if they push these rules and laws upon him. The only thing a woman does is shortchange herself. She will be out a husband and cash as well. :2funny:
Marry a real man and you'll be fine.
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My mom sure did! Well she paid for her own wedding cause my dad was poor and his relatives wouldn't do the wedding for them. My grandparents gave my mom away for free too.
This is back in the early 80's so i'm sure the wedding was cheap.
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I would willingly do that if it meant that he had to live with me and my family instead of me living with him and his family.
You should have met me 5 years ago.......I already told my MIL that I would like to remodel their house so that me and my wife could live their....Her response was "when you guys Moving in?"........But Im not Hmong so my mom would probably be offended by your fam giving us money
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I think that in the future, both the wife and hubby will have to paid for their own wedding.
Reason #1: If the wife runs off and cheats on the hubby, or vise-verse then it's both their lost.
Reason#2: Cause a lot of the new gen. are more meeka type now, and are not afraid of the OG's. So if the marriage goes sour then just go to court and have the meeka people finalize the court paper, and leave the OG's out of their troubles. The OG's has better things to do than be dealing with in little kids and their meeka ways.
reason#3: If hubby pays for the wife, and oh say $9.000 total cost that come out of the hubby side of the family, and later on the marriage goes sour. It's the hubby that loses everything but the ex-wife gains everything, plus child support.
Reason#4: If the hubby ends up not liking the wife for what ever reason he still loses money sending her back to save her face and her family.
You guys see what I'm trying to say here. It's not about you this me that, but when you are marry it's all up to how ever you guys what your life to be. Not no ones but yours alone.
Me and my wife did 50/50. and so I tell all my younger bros and their so call GF or future wife, that they have to do 50/50. other wise there will be jealous among the families. When you do 50/50 before one's going to cheat they will think twice about, cuz it was their own money that they used. not no relatives nor the hubby's family. They just come and eat free food and drink free booze. LOL
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How many available Hmong bachelors are worth more than a few bills?
Practically all the Hmong guys I know (College bound or not) still live with their mommy and daddy - along with their unwed brothers and sisters. Many of them have no long term goals but to afford the next case of beer. Most aren't even decently groomed and lack any form of social competence at all outside of their immediate social environment.
Groom's price: You pay us to give you our daughter because we know he couldn't get a girl otherwise!
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How many available Hmong bachelors are worth more than a few bills?
Practically all the Hmong guys I know (College bound or not) still live with their mommy and daddy - along with their unwed brothers and sisters. Many of them have no long term goals but to afford the next case of beer. Most aren't even decently groomed and lack any form of social competence at all outside of their immediate social environment.
Groom's price: You pay us to give you our daughter because we know he couldn't get a girl otherwise!
That is pretty rough and stinky. You are not like that are you?
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I second thought to that, if you look at it, I've seen that (some) not all of the brides/ woman these day, don't even know how to cook. I mean look, I've seen some single ladies that had grown out of that range for marriage. For some reason, not mine to know. Sorry to say it but some of the (ladies) not all, they have no motive to learn anything other than, that they don't want to live with her new in-laws. I've heard stories that when the son married the girl. She made him choose between her and his own mother. I mean his own mother who gave birth to him and raised him to be what he is today.
Truly I kinda see your point of view, about some of us guys, but not all guys are like that too, you know. It's all on, if they are ready to settle down.
Funny cause most of the ladies, when she gets marry, she want to move out of the hubby's house, cause for what ever reasons, (not mine bizz to know). She want to control him on whatever she wanted, cause she don't want to be lecture or she don't have any freedom.
There's an old saying goes: Always respect the hubby's head and never look down on your hubby cause he is the key to both survival. LOL,
Of course in the US there's Micky D, Cub Foods ect. LOL