PebHmong Discussion Forum
Creative Corner => Online Journal => Topic started by: JonniJacko on July 25, 2023, 11:37:04 PM
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In here I will be typing aloud what is on my mind. It will be weird, quirky, humorous, enlightening and such..It will be a hail of everything. I will be dumb sometimes, strange, out of character, and I will attempt to be intelligent too..but mostly it will be random as fuke..lols...S o if you ever stumble upon this joint, please don't take anything serious, and if you find something helpful that you can utilize to better yourself or incorporate into your life, then it would be my pleasure to give you insight. I shall began another time. I forgotten what I was gonna type...
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I don't believe in "tough" love. It's toxic IMO to be honest. It only discourage people to respect you and in today's world, people don't take s hit easily..haha just be nice and cool. If you have to be an asshoe to get your point across or use intimidation tactics, then it's you, not them.
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Been listening to a lot of country music lately because I notice a lot of Black folks, at least in my town has been too..They be bumpin it up just like how they bump hip/hop Rap music...lols But this one probably doesn't exactly have a country vibe to it but whow...It's so touching to this day..haha it's actually got a Hmong AMerican vibe to it..lols I'm gonna be fruity and randomly dedicate this song to the wife..j/k..well maybe, I just might if I'm bored and wanna embarassed her later..lols
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnJav69UbI8 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnJav69UbI8)
the one we were use to hearing back in the days
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVpvlaKfLQc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVpvlaKfLQc)
All 4 one made it great, but the original is best. haha
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some people are hard to read. this means they are smart people. but the little cues a person display says a lot about their character. more importantly, how they really feel about you. like a good poker player, you gotta pick up the signs, clues almost instanteneousl y..I've gotten really good at knowing when someone is genuine towards me and when someone is just putting on a front. 99% of the time, people are just putting a front. and that's okay..because you do the same towards them..because at the end of the day, nobody is going to pay your bills and wipe your ass...lols..so just put a front like how they are just to keep the peace...life is 99% lies, and if you're lucky 1% facts..lols
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anyone has recurring dreams? I have one where I would be traveling on a high way and I'll struggle to find my way back or out. These kind of dreams comes maybe once every couple months. The thing is when I have these dreams, I also struggle to wake up, so to speak..but its because I'm exhausted, not because I want to wake up but can't because something is sitting on top of me kind of thing..lols
I told my wife about this dream, and she said..Stop smoking...dang ..thought I was slick and conceal the smell...so yeah folks, need to stop smoking. I did quit..but I'm like I'll quit for a few months, smoke regularly for a week or two, quit for a while, then go to work, co-worker offers you a smoke, then you get hook again..for a week or two..lols
anyway, this time this dream was particularly annoying...so i got lost and can't find my way out or back to familiar roads..I stopped to asked a Uncle. I remember which uncle it was, but we're not close or anything, and really I have not thought of the guy for a long time..very random.but in the dream he gave me a ultimatum of some sort..I can't remember what..just that I was annoyed and losing my patience..like it was just tell me how to get back dude! I don't have time! but he keep saying wait, I'm busy right now, let me finish this first...lols
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I woke up today and had that same feeling I once had when I was in my early 20's. I'm sick of this town, tire of these people. I need to get away from this place. I texted my wife who is visiting her family out of state that I can't live a day without her. She sent me a photo of her and her friends smiling enjoying what to be some fancy cocktails. I don't think she thought I was serious...lols j/k I was and wasn't..that's just kind of how things go when you're so use to seeing someone every day for long periods of time. But I won't be bothering her anymore, gonna give her space..Because tomorrow I'm gonna go out and make new friends and have a ton of fun...lols
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don't believe in luck, believe in hard work. That's how you manifest blessings. works most of the time for me..i get lazy sometimes too so it don't work when I do get lazy..lols but hardworking most of the times. I only pretend to be lazy because you don't wanna show your enemies all your strenths..lols
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don't just know how to do something, but know why something is done the way it is. That's the difference between good and great. 8)
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picked up the wife from her workplace today..on our way back home was when kids were getting out of school..so there's a ton of cars out, tons of students walking and crossing street..She just kept chattering about how horrible her day at work went...and I'm losing my patience with all these idiot drivers that don't know how to let people merge in, and all these kids crossing the streets when they're not suppose to...I finally let out a loud " I DON"T WANT ANY CHILDREN, I"M SO GLAD I DONT HAVE ANY CHILDREN!" Loud enough for the car next to us to hear..The guy next to us cracked up so bad, all the while saying, "I"m single, childless and Im glad"....
Well the wife hasn't said a single word to me since we got home..but that was the plan..I don't think she's ever gonna get use to my humor..haha
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walked into a mini-mart and a lady was on her phone yelling all sorts or profanity. Once she saw me she tone down and went very soft. I got my snack and tea and as I walked out, she went back into super BOTCH mode...I don't know why but I turned back and open the door and said, do I look that innocent or something? the clerk just felt to the ground laughing his ass off..When he was able to contain himself he jokingly said it's just a prank they're playing...I said what's the youtube? and then the lady just went all out crazy and it wasn't a prank after all...then she said no, you're not looking so innocent dude, you might be a popo...lols I just smiled and wished I had a fake popo badge and flash it to her..woulda been even more hilarious...lo ls now I think of it, I probably should had reported the incident as a caution anyway..Could be a very abusive parent...heck its a while ago, I just hope whoever she was yelling at, Im assuming her child is okay....hhaha
Why I said that? I once had to intervene a verbally abusive Asian lady yelling, scolding, and just being outright aggressive to her daughter no more than 10 years old...She got physical but good thing I had good reflexes and she missed every attempted slaps..lols other people came forward,and I said someone call the cops and let them know I don't wish to press charges...lols
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the wife calls me, and she says they're having a sale on pants at Ross and said if I'm okay if she gets me a pair or two of pants..lols we went back n forth for a bit. pretended that I was a little offended that if she wanted me to get new pants all she had to tell me was she didn't like my old raggity faded pants..lols she gets offended and said she just wanted to do something nice for no special occasion like how I always do nice things for her for no special occasion...I said fine, if they have any green color jeans get me a pair...lols she came home with a navy blue pant, and a ugly ass white boy light blue jean...I said thanks. an hour later she later asked me what do I think about the pants. I said they're nice and should fit me fine. She then said if I don't like them, she can return them..I said, no they're fine, they'll go well with my already limited wardrobe..lols she then laugh out loud and said, you sure about that ugly ass light blue jean? that's when I laugh and said, k'mon you know I only wear dark blue jeans or black pants. I rather wear a green color jean. Only country white guys look good in light blue jeans like that..lols yeah gotta love a woman who has a humor..haha but I'll still be attempting to wear that light blue jean..I dont have time to go return it..lols
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stay tune for my story about struggling with mental health issues.....Cur rently putting it together. haha
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Alrighty folks, now back to my story of how, when, and why to all that other good stuffs about how I beat mental health issues.
Eversince I can remember, 2 years old, 3 years old, I was a very quiet and mellow out kid..Or Infant..My mother use to always say, when I was still in her womb, I was so well behaved that she thought I was going to be a girl. LOLS. But on a serious note, she was worry if I was going to be healthy. Said I don't kick her belly, I don't move around much at all..
So in a way, I think mental illness definitely has something to do with heredity. I have several relatives from my mother's side who are either uhh let's just say "not quite all there"...haha
Long story short..I grew up all the way til High school-ish..And everyone just knew me as the quiet guy. I honestly didn't even think I was that quiet, but people insist I'm the quietest person they met. The first incident when I realize that okay maybe I really am quiet was sometime back in 5th grade. Every quarter or trimester, the teacher would move us all to different seats for the quarter. So it wasn't like two best friends got to sit next to each other the whole school year, or two people who didn't get along, somehow are force to get along...lols. The thing is, this teacher would forget about me everytime she rearrange the seatings. So I would be the last kid standing wondering where's my new seat? lols Onto 6th grade, a new teacher, yet, same thing happen when it was time to get a new seating..lols
during this time, it was in the middle-late 90's. Hmong gangs were on the rise, and I saw many of my friends enter that life..or somehow affiliated with it..middle school came, and My parents opted to send me to the middle school 40 minutes away over the one 10 minutes away. haha Now I'm really lost. I grew up with many Hmong peers all my life, now I'm one of the very few asians and maybe one of 2 of the Hmong at school...lols
high school came, and I reunited with some of my old friends from elementary. Only many of them didn't want to be friends anymore. I was a nerd, school boy, and they were badasses and gangsters...I wasn't cool enough to hang out with them no more. So I took it hard..but now I think of it, it happened for the best...lols
after high school, I work odd jobs, struggling to hold onto any for more than 6 months..lols couldn't set in a college classroom for more then 30 minutes...so I was jobless, schoolless, and nobody wanted anything to do with me...
I knew that if I was ever going to make it through life, I was gonna either have to start somewhere fresh, or form my own triad or mafia..lols j.k.
I was that kid that turned bad, really bad after high school...all the while all my gangster friends during high school were turning their life around..lols.. Those who still wanted to live that life, eventually wanted to be friends or homies..but problem arose when I already became affiliated with their rival gang given the fact that some of my cousins were in that gang to begin with...lols
don't worry folks, we're all cool and at peace now..we even have bbq's and they always joke about the time they knock each other's teeths out, or shat in their pants while getting punch in the stomach..etc.. .lols
so yeah, after that...I kind of started to withdrew from everyone I knew..and i realize then, being a loner is the best way to live...haha no outside influence, no trying to fit in, no shit if someone wants to be cool or not...I wasn't officially a gang member, but I was consider high rank..lols so you know when you're high rank in a Hmong gang so to speak, you walk out when you feellike its your time.....lols
don't worry folks, these gangs no longer exist..these gangs were small time gangs..even before white tiger and MOD was born...lols I wont say what gang, because honestly you guys will laugh your ass off at the gang name. LOLS
long story short..that's how I develop I believe some serious depression during my early 20's...low self esteem, to feeling guuilt beating people up to getting beat up sometimes..lol smostly won all my fights though..only lost when i got jump and caught off guard..lols
so after all this, you try to change...you go back to college, and the guy next to you has no idea what you been through..maybe they been through worse, maybe they never knew the things I gone through exists because they were so shelter, and to say the least, those gangster days died down dramatically.. ..lols
so yeah...the biggest thing people would say to me back then when I told them I need their help. They would say I can't help you if you don't help yourself....th e probelme here is this folks....I need you to help me to HELP MYSELF...that's where there's a big misunderstandi ng comes from, those who never gone through mental health issues, they don't understand that when someone who is going through mental health issues is when they finally seek help, its because they cannot help themselves anymore....and the sad truth is....there's only very few outcomes...the y take their own, they live a broken life for life, or like me, they keep fighting, keep preservering, and if they die, they die...but not without a fight...
I fought, and I was bless...I became really good at hustling, had a few businesses, made a ton of friends...even when I didn't want to...people just naturally become drawn to you..haha and it's not because Im cool as heck...it's because im genuine, i help people and expect nothing in return...and that's how I killed the demon that's been plaguing me all my life...I refuse to let him make me think, Im no good, im just a burden to everyone, that I should just kill myself....I said, Im going to make you swallow your own tongue some day...and when that day came...I never look back.....hahah
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hit me up, if anyone out there needs someone to talk to. I'm sick n tire of this whole "you're too soft" b.s kind of shit going on in today's society..real men like me is not no afraid to show my soft side...haha so come talk to me anyone who may be going through some tought times...let's talk. I promise I will try to be the best friend I can be to you. 8)
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last night, the wife and I were out sitting in the back porch late at night and we're just talking about random stuffs and families. Her family mostly. lols I asked her if she misses her mother. She straight up said no, not really, because she felt her mother didn't love her as much as she loved her brother and sisters. We both go on saying we're both middle child so we should know how that goes. Next thing we know, something from a tree made some rustling noises. We both look at the tree but it was too dark to see anything. Before I can grab the flashlight, the tree about 20-30 feet away made the same rustling noises. I told her you better apologize to your mother right now..lols She got teary eyed and held back her tears but didn't say anything. I flash the light to the other tree, and a small owl was staring right at us with a dead opposum it looked like on its claws. The opposum was still moving..lols
so I had to comfort her all night...she likes to cuddle, so she took full advantage of the opportunity and I had to listen to her fondest stories and not so good times of her mother and herself for a good few hours or so. lols..okay more like an hour and half.. I said, well at least she tried her best. Some people have parents who don't even want anything to do with their kids. haha So we agree that if we ever have kids, which is not very likely, that we would never play favoritism of any sort. I joke to her, favoritism is natural, but I agree when it comes to your own children it is a big NO NO...haha dogs and cats included..lols
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last night, the wife and I were out sitting in the back porch late at night and we're just talking about random stuffs and families. Her family mostly. lols I asked her if she misses her mother. She straight up said no, not really, because she felt her mother didn't love her as much as she loved her brother and sisters. We both go on saying we're both middle child so we should know how that goes. Next thing we know, something from a tree made some rustling noises. We both look at the tree but it was too dark to see anything. Before I can grab the flashlight, the tree about 20-30 feet away made the same rustling noises. I told her you better apologize to your mother right now..lols She got teary eyed and held back her tears but didn't say anything. I flash the light to the other tree, and a small owl was staring right at us with a dead opposum it looked like on its claws. The opposum was still moving..lols
so I had to comfort her all night...she likes to cuddle, so she took full advantage of the opportunity and I had to listen to her fondest stories and not so good times of her mother and herself for a good few hours or so. lols..okay more like an hour and half.. I said, well at least she tried her best. Some people have parents who don't even want anything to do with their kids. haha So we agree that if we ever have kids, which is not very likely, that we would never play favoritism of any sort. I joke to her, favoritism is natural, but I agree when it comes to your own children it is a big NO NO...haha dogs and cats included..lols
For all it's worth, I'm glad you and your spouse are able to open up to one another, especially leaving yourselves emotionally exposed and vulnerable. If what I'm assuming is correct, our generation did not have the luxury of having parents who were partially or fully acclimated to life in the States. It's left some of us, myself included, finding answers for ourselves later in our own lives. Hope you and your spouse enjoy happily everlasting.
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For all it's worth, I'm glad you and your spouse are able to open up to one another, especially leaving yourselves emotionally exposed and vulnerable. If what I'm assuming is correct, our generation did not have the luxury of having parents whom were partially or fully acclimated to life in the States. It's left some of us, myself included, finding answers for ourselves later in our own lives. Hope you and your spouse enjoy happily everlasting.
thanks man, I totally feel you. They grew up during very different times and different world. They've face many obstacles, maybe far worse than we ever did or will, but our challenges and obstacles are very different...bu t for what its worth, i think many Hmong parents from the Secret War generation did all they could to their best ability for their families.
Now as with the younger gens, I see both good and bad...lols I know some younger gen Hmong married couples, they have grown kids...at they smoke weed or drink together all the time. some just let their daughters go out with their b-fs all night, all week..they don't care..its like they never got out of their youth..lols
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true and pure anything is hard to find...if not impossible..ha ha today, people don't value friendship because in the past, maybe, people were more trustworthy, dependable, and genuine...But you have to understand, in the past decades people in general were also more naive and gullible...So on the other hand, I think people today are a lot smarter..peopl e don't like to suger coat things anymore and rather face the harsh realities than to have someone paint a fairytale story...haha People in general know good friends are hard to come by, genuine and consitency doesn't come easy. It's definitely wiser to keep a grey area between you and people. Close friends and no different from finding the right partner. The bond has to be natural.haha
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqRUNQKa5yA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqRUNQKa5yA)
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not going to lie, i pretended I wasn't really looking forward to this little picnic she wanted us to have. She tells me, change of plans she just got call in to work tomorrow. And I was like dohhh...lols I was actually really excited for it..either way it's a win, reminds me not to take her for granted...I usually don't. but Sometimes asking me to go somewhere like simply to the post office, or dmv and I would be why can't u go on your own...lols now I know...or I knew, but I forget sometimes...it s about spending time together..haha no matter where to, or what for.. So guess I'll be bbqing for myself tomorrow...lol s j/k, another day, or next spring sometime..lols
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Drove pass a car and they were bumping some Hmong music..haha And I thought, i'm kind of feeling it...lemme check out what the Hmong music scene is like now days...haha
two Hmong songs I found on youtube I thought were pretty good. there's plenty more but I don't want to feel all sappy for the next few days..Hmong songs, good ones, still hits me differently... harder..still Hmong at heart..haha
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwR7cc-XAho (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwR7cc-XAho) ( this guy is pretty legit, closest to Luj Yaj's level this far, haha)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsFqXbU_bkY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsFqXbU_bkY) (Hmong Adele..haha, great fluidity and confidence)
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My mother was like how come I don't go to church anymore. haha Truth is, me and my wife are now part of a cult..lols a neighborhood cult..lols. me and some neighbors, occasionally we'll gather together and either have dinner or Sunday breakfast together and discuss anything, usually deep discussions. No fishing, hunting, or how many beers we drank last night..lols We don't have children, but we all have one goal in mind, make the world a better place by doing our part and help one another out...I wasn't too fond of this idea when a neighbor first propose it, but these are good ole Americans with great careers and very high integrity levels. I told the wife, we still have to keep a grey area between us and them..and we won't blame em if they feel the same towards us..haha we'll see if this turns out to anything more or just waste of time..if anything, it's all neighborly love...good neighbors is important. All it takes is one bad neighbor to make anyone regret buying a 500k-several million dollar Calfornia house..haha
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I grew up being a loner most my life. I can understand that having friends is something most people want esp. when you're still oh let's say under 30..haha. I can relate to a lot of these people. What I learn is, you can't be too close to anyone these days. If you want friends, you got to keep a grey area between you and them and don't expect anything but small talks and funny jokes. And they have to do the same and feel the same towards you. This create somewhat of a trust and comfort zone. This lets both of you know there's no strings attached..so to speak...lols so what Im saying is, if you're the type of person like I use to be...you wear your heart on your sleeves, you'll drive 3 hours or 10 hours to go out of your way for them, eventhough you just known them for a few weeks, but you're thinking, I'm a good ass friend...lols it's not really your kindness talking here, but your ego...I mean sure you have a big heart, but asked yourself, would they do the same for you...however you don't asked yourself this question, you subconsciously expect the same kind of big heart from them in return when you do ask them for a big favor. When you realize they don't have a big of a heart as you thought or would like in a friend, you become too serious, too critical, and this is when they say friends come and go...truth is folks, you'd very lucky if you have half of a true friend in your life...lols if there's nothing in it for someone or yourself, you'd want nothing much to do with that person either right...so yeah..what im saying is...friendshi ps is mostly bullshit only. a lifetime partner and or spouse is no different really. without sex, nobody will want to marry...lols without pay, nobody is gonna go in for work..lols
so people struggly to make friends or have friends, the truth is...they are looking for something that is harder to find than a diamond in the ruff...or whatever however that saying goes...lols so if you want friends, don't expect much from people. be courteous and friendly but don't overdo it...the bad people will see this as a weakness and only take advantage of you...the good people would be uncomfortable with you, because now it's like someone in the ANON forum says, they don't know if they can live up to your standards by being friends...smal l talks, joking around, fishing or lunch here and there..sure... .but driving 10 hours for you, loaning you 40k...they're not willing to be that good of friends...one, they can't afford it, two, they don't know if you're worth it, and three there's too much pressure for them to constantly have you live up to expectations. they say don't sell yourself short. true, but if you're too expensive, you'll not only turned off the bad apples but decent apples away..haha expect little, just people you can talk to here and there. you become affordable to friends of income levels, lols..nobody wants a friend that feels entitled or like you owe them more than small talks, fishing trips, etc...this is how you keep people in life. its how you make them feel, and if you make them feel comfortable around you without them taking advantage of you then you guys might just end up being friends for life..haha
when i realize what i was doing wrong...all the sudden I have too many friends..every where I go, friends, strangers alike...too many friends that just want to talk for a bit, joke around a bit..that's the best kind of friend you can be..affordable and putting a smile or laugh on a person. I guess when you look like a evil Jet LI it just drawn more people into you too..haha
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7twdKfhfANQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7twdKfhfANQ)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7twdKfhfANQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7twdKfhfANQ)
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told the wife, I ran into an old flame...lols j/k I told her, she was just a former co-worker who I respected. I joke to the wife, when we still work at Amazon she was the only few girls I was willing to simp for. :2funny: why? because they don't have a "I'm a girl, you're suppose to do nice things for me" attitude...lol s So when we worked at Amazon I was doing this job where I would fill up the production lines with all sorts of products. it can be anything from gift cards, toothbrushes, grooming stuffs, high digital stuffs, like Iwatches,Ipads..to cases of dog food and heavy products like beverages and dumbbells to pots and pans..so naturally the women hates it so much when they have to pack heavy stuffs..but work is work and sometimes you have to do what the job entails. However because we have some control of what kind of work to push on the line, the people who don't care what you give them, big, small, heavy, or pain in the ass to work with, we tend to give them a lot of the lighter, smaller stuffs.
This woman was one of the very few I can respect. Never complains, never care if she has to deal with heavy or crappy work. We got to know each other a little. While a lot of the other women, esp. the young good looking ones were so use to other guys simping for them..lols When it came to me, and when they realize Im not a simp, they get really upset...lols but Its like Im sorry, Im no simp..l treat you how you treat me...you decide...lols
anyway this girl, she was tall, very pretty. she didn't sell herself like a lot of the girls there did. she wasn't open to getting hit on or flirt with..she wasn't the type to kiss ass to get promoted or what not..she was just there to work.
well ran into her at the gas station, we talk for a bit, and I honestly didn't recognize her until she mention the place we use to work, and I took a closer look at her..haha well she said she found a better job and left cold turkey..lols
The wife now thinks I have a thing for her. I said, she's like a foot taller than me...lols no but I said, I just really admire how she carry herself Just like how I admire you carrying yourself- minus the random silent treatments you give me sometimes...at least give me a damn clue why you're upset at me....lols
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told the wife, I ran into an old flame...lols j/k I told her, she was just a former co-worker who I respected. I joke to the wife, when we still work at Amazon she was the only few girls I was willing to simp for. :2funny: why? because they don't have a "I'm a girl, you're suppose to do nice things for me" attitude...lol s So when we worked at Amazon I was doing this job where I would fill up the production lines with all sorts of products. it can be anything from gift cards, toothbrushes, grooming stuffs, high digital stuffs, like Iwatches,Ipads..to cases of dog food and heavy products like beverages and dumbbells to pots and pans..so naturally the women hates it so much when they have to pack heavy stuffs..but work is work and sometimes you have to do what the job entails. However because we have some control of what kind of work to push on the line, the people who don't care what you give them, big, small, heavy, or pain in the ass to work with, we tend to give them a lot of the lighter, smaller stuffs.
This woman was one of the very few I can respect. Never complains, never care if she has to deal with heavy or crappy work. We got to know each other a little. While a lot of the other women, esp. the young good looking ones were so use to other guys simping for them..lols When it came to me, and when they realize Im not a simp, they get really upset...lols but Its like Im sorry, Im no simp..l treat you how you treat me...you decide...lols
anyway this girl, she was tall, very pretty. she didn't sell herself like a lot of the girls there did. she wasn't open to getting hit on or flirt with..she wasn't the type to kiss ass to get promoted or what not..she was just there to work.
well ran into her at the gas station, we talk for a bit, and I honestly didn't recognize her until she mention the place we use to work, and I took a closer look at her..haha well she said she found a better job and left cold turkey..lols
The wife now thinks I have a thing for her. I said, she's like a foot taller than me...lols no but I said, I just really admire how she carry herself Just like how I admire you carrying yourself- minus the random silent treatments you give me sometimes...at least give me a damn clue why you're upset at me....lols
You've done eff'd up, son ;D
Joking aside, give her a few days and she'll be back to herself. Flowers or cooking dinner might help a bit. By now you should know you'll always be in the wrong in her eyes.
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Was it something I said. No. Then what? You're still smoking. That's it? How do I know you're not smoking anything else? You don't trust me? Didn't say that. Then what? Did I really marry such a clueless man. Can we just talk like middle aged adults and say things like it is, no beating around the bush kind of stuffs.
Haha. Next time I'm just gonna let my emotions get the best of me. Maybe a yelling and shouting match is due for us. Lols
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Don't fuke with Sigmas: Fuke Alphas! ;D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8a8Dlugmr4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8a8Dlugmr4)
now all these Alphas and Betas think they are sigmas...lols I dont know how many people has fallen victim to me because they underestimate the capabilities of the Sigma. you don't want to mess with someone who looks dumb and harmless. they will make you have nightmares of them for life. something they try very hard to prevent but sometimes it's the only option..lols
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what do you mean mid life crises? I have weekly life crisis's..she found that hilarious and laughed out loud and I told her jokingly, that's the first time I ever heard her laugh like that. She jokes back, you'll hear it more often if you actually have a real humor and not just mean or stupid comments and jokes...DOH... lols
anyway, we both decide to just spend the weekend home. cancel our little weekend getaway..we both need to slow down a little and take life easily..haha
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from my personal experience women in general don't like Sigmas for very long...haha https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gam-dyAQNJg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gam-dyAQNJg)
women fall crazy in love with Sigmas at first. but it's because of the mysterious aura he gives off. Once she realize that the sigma male is actually a very simple, lonely and boring person, despite his interesting mind and ways of thinking, to maybe his interesting past to uhh his striking handsomenss LOLS- that's when she start to lose interest because a Sigma's ultimate goal is to live in peace and quiet. be simple and boring. And most women doesn't want to live like that. He doesn't want a lot of attention, but most women needs attention. As they say, women actually has bigger egos than men..lols Sigma males with several life experiences will only then know they will need a Sigma female, but they also know how hard it would be to find one since they are even more rare, so most Sigmas don't ever marry. And tot hem that's okay too.
I found me a sigma female, or close to it...lols so I guess I'm either the luckier one, or not as lucky one..cuz again, Sigma desire to be alone and are extreme solitary in nature.
My wife can vouch for me. we still have our own seperate rooms and half the time sleep in our own room. it's only when we both watch too many horror movies do we spend the night in our joint bedroom..lols. I even built a wanna be tiny home so I can still have some space and privacy when my energy lelvel is low..in other words I still need a lot of personal space..lols... sometimes we talk early first thing int he morning, and right before bed and that'it..haha..duri ng the day, even if we're both in the house, there's really no talking sometimes...so it's not because I always claimed she always give me the silent treatment, but its because it's just the way we both are in nature..lols but when we do talk, sometimes it can be for hours...lols
i told her, we need to stay true to ourselves. we've been making too many friends and letting them into our lives too easily. we need to start testing our friends, and weed out the ones who is not looking for life long genuine friendships. lols..j/k like said before, you just gotta keep some distance, dont get too close or comfortable, and vice versa, don't let them get too close and comfortable with us. haha
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I have to be honest but I am nervous with the kind of weather we've been having. It's still warm as heck. I don't even remember the last year where we actually have a real autumn season. Where leaves turn colors and pile up the streets. In the past 10-15 years, it's like we just go straight from summer to Winter with the leaves still green and only fall off due to the occasional high winds or rain. lols This year it felt like Summer left for a week only, and return. Something is wrong with our planet or it's going to be a very very different world in a few more several millions of years if it still exists. I told her, we need to treat everyday like its our last together cus this is what they really mean by being under the weather..lols
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I have not gone to the feed store in ages. But my parents are out on a little vacation. The first since the covid thing. She called me a couple days ago if I can tend her chickens for the weekend. I got to my parents house, and headed out to check on the chickens. I look inside the shed and boy, she only one bag of feed left. So I was thinking, I'm off today, I kind of missed driving down that country road to the local feed store. Well, it use to be a lot more country 20 years ago..lols nonetheless it was a nice trip on memory lane. When I got there, a worker asked me if I used to know his Pap..He goes into a little more details where they use to live, and how I would visit his pap every now and then. I then hilariously said to him " oh you're were the son that one time I dropped off a rooster for your pap while he wasn't home, I turned around 30 minutes later when I realized I dropped off the wrong rooster, and when you went out to go get the rooster for me, I can tell you sparred him for a quick few minutes. he had a blemish or two and a few ruffled feathers" And then he was like yeah that's me..that rooster was a badass, killed the other rooster in just a few seconds...I was a little upset at the time, but we both laughed our asses off for a minute..I then kind of knew already, but I asked anyway, is your pap still kicking or has he gone to a better place...he passed away quite a while back..great guy. hardworking. we were chicken true buddies..haha
anyway, I don't think I'll ever raise chickens again. I just no longer have any interest, but its more like I don't ever wanna get too attached to something I might just get carried away again...lols
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A Hmong father's sad love story:
I was 17-18-ish. Just got my driver's license. My old man asked me to drive him south to Fresno, CA to see his first wife's younger sister. I was like uhhh say what? why? but then When my mother was like, yeah your father married someone before he married me, he loves her dearly, but she passed away early. So why would dad want to go see his former sister n law for? You don't get it, it's a Hmong thing back in the days. Your dad was not only very close to his first wife, but to her whole family. This is her first time visiting the US, so it only makes sense that he goes to show his respect that her sister is still in his heart. But Mother, you're okay with all this? Just take him.
we got to Fresno, it was more like the outskirts where they did a lot of farming. We got to the place, and first thing my father and his former sister n law did was greeted each other and my father has one of his hand on her shoulder, while she has one of her arms on his shoulder. Not sure if that was a Hmong thing back then, or if its just how the elders "hug" someone after many years. My pap is probably one of the strongest person I know mentally. But that was the first time I ever saw him with watery eyes.
after about 3 hours of them catching up, my father was ready to say goodbye to his former sister n law. On the drive back, my father told me the time he was madly in love with someone. I didn't asked much for details, just that his first wife passes away shortly after they marry. Years later, I brought up the subject again, this time with my mother. She said, my father not only lost his first wife that day, but what would had been his first child as well.
That was the only time I ever shed a tear or two as a grown man...lols
well, I think what made that day I took my pap down to see his former sister n law even more emotional, was now I realize, thinking back, they both knew, it may be the last time they see each other. Hmong customary, former brother n law and former sister n law shouldn't keep in touch..lols not only that, the pain and memory is too much to bear.
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I was probably 23-24 at the time. It was probably 8 in the morning on a Saturday. I walked up to the casino entrance and the security guard asked for my I.D. I gave it to him and he gave me a double look as he look at the I.D. He makes a bold claim "I know this isn't you, you look 16. I only had 50 bucks on me to test my luck and I could of just turned around and left but I insisted, it really is me and I really am 22. or 23. He radio someone, I suppose someone high rank in the casino. He comes out, work a suit and had shades on. He looks at my I.D, hand it back to me, and told me I'm welcome to go inside. I went inside, put my 50 bucks in a random slot machine, and within 2 minutes I walked out. lols. Only I thought I should take the other exit out so I don't run into the security guard who didn't want me to go inside in the first place. Only to bump into him on my way out. I guess after the incident with me, he was moved to the other entrance. we kind of look at each other, me trying or hoping to give him the impression I wasn't mad or anything although I felt like he took it I was annoyed. while he was giving me the impression he was just doing his job while probably thinks I hate his guts now.
early on my disastrous gambling career, I thought of this incident quite often. I said to myself many times, maybe that security guard only meant well, didn't want me to get into debt, struggling with gambling addiction and what not. Admittedly that was years later when I really dug myself into a deep hole..haha
Anyway, I studied the games, I looked for loopholes, weaknesses, strong patterns and consistencies. And I mean I literally studied, trial and error every second that I was free. They all tell me the same thing, it's all luck, it's all random. What these people don't know is, even in randomness and luck, there are traits, patterns and probabilities. Old wise man once told me "there's a trick to everything" and it stuck with me eversince. Subconsicouly I knew there has to be tricks and tips. And folks, i tell people all the time, if you want to be a consistent winning gambler, it's going to take 10-20 years of serious studying, resiliency, and maybe years of getting into debt before you figure it out. haha Nobody is going to give out what they know freely. I've been offer in the 6 digit amount before to teach and coach. I decline it all. Said it's nothing personal but what I had to go through to be able to "better my chances" too sentimental to me..haha
disclaimer: this article is for pure entertainment- do not take any words seriously in the article. or vlog rather..lols.. .I do not encourage, support, or influence gambling. I've seen and been in the worst cases scenarios due to bad gambling choices. In then end of the road, I'm just as wealthy and or poor like everyone else who works to survive.
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I walked out of the grocery store, and the car next to me is actually the same color,make, model as my "other" car. I was like hmm, did I drive car 1 or car 2...haha I should of taken a picture of it and show it to the wife and accused her of stalking me...lols
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the wife was getting hit on. I walked out of the restroom and the guy immediately said, I apologize but I just couldnt help notice how beautiful your wife is. I was caught off guard, first time this happened. So I said something like, yeah thank, sorry but Im sure you'd no problem finding someone special some day...
i later told the wife, what if he knew, what if he saw us from a distance...and when he saw you're alone, he took on the opportunity..s ome guys dont give a fuke if a woman is single or not..lols the wife agrees with me...and I said, there's a reason why I Love you..we think alike when it really matters..haha. ..can't say some of my past love would agree with me..probably call me jealous and insecure...lol s
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For a long while I refuse to give up being a nice guy. Even when people who geniunely tell me to stop being so nice and kind. I refuse to let go of the principles and morals I was brought up on. I really felt I can singlehandedly changed the world and uhh save humanity. I couldn't understand why people have to be so mean and rude. Why couldn't people just be cool and compassionate. And the only time people seem so is when someone dies or tragedy strikes.The truth is, in this crazy world- you won't survive if you don't have a certain mindset and how you carry yourself. haha It certainly is to anyone's benefit to be a crusty dirty grimed filled ass crack 90% of the time and only be nice 10% of the time. hahaha In such a chaotic world, you can't trust anyone, and anyone who you call a friend, you have to understand they can turn on you at any given moment. I know, I didn't want to believe or to have such a negative perception either. It was way too harsh and extreme for me to accept at first. But it is the reality. Maybe some are fortunate to never experience the uglies of life, they were too sheltered, privilege, and everything is taken care of for them since day 1. Sure, there are many good people out there. But they too, are looking out for themselves and loved ones. They too can't let their guards down, because they know it doesn't pay to be nice and compassionate, in fact it often backfires with how ungrateful and cruel humans can be. Being assertive, confrontationa l, rude, and mean is a necessity to make it through this ugly cruel cold harsh world. It can and it will save your life when or if you ever find yourself in a life or death situation. But by all means, the smart thing is to avoid or prevent shit from escalating. Lay low, act normal, don't attract attention and always be ready to defend and protect yourself and loved ones. When they're mean, and you're mean, it's like nobody is gonna wanna start WWIII. Some might test the waters, push some of your buttons, but if you make it loud and clear you too have nukes..haha their tone will change really quick...haha
Forget what your grandmother, mother and teachers tell you. They meant well and maybe what work during their early years of life doesn't work in today's society. You gotta understand, this isn't a perfect world we live in, there's always gonna be evil doers and bad guys. There always has been since history can be remember. Don't be a nice guy and don't be a gentleman. This doesn't mean you can't be a good person either. Those who really see your worth will see the good in you, and those who gets it, will understand why majority people have to resort to being a jackass. Cops, and your Boss is probably a jackass, but it is their job to be, it is a defense mechanism, nothing personal, not really. You will not survive in this crazy place filled with demon infested souls walking among us if you don't get with the system...And now I understand why, it's always the mean dirty ass cracks that win in this crazy shithole place..This is a big reason why mental illness is rampant. Specifically depression. What was engrained in their minds has been a lie all along. Every once in a while you will have a good day, a bless day, and life is great..But there will always be a bad day waiting. The best thing to do is knowing how to handle those type of days, how to avoid if possible, and deal if you get caught up in some type of atlercation. You will lose everytime, if you're too nice. And that is what I mean by, you don't want to be known or perceived as nice. Agian, this doesn't mean you're a bad person. But you rather someone think of you as a crusty dirty ass crack than a nice person. It can save your life and it has save many lives.
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i'm not very open minded with todays music, but i randomly put on my radio for the first time in maybe since early thisyear and this song came on..and I'm like this song is actually really really catchy.
Truth is, as nice and charismatic as some people think I am- me and the wife are no different from most couples. there are good and bad times..sometim es its really good, and sometimes we're not sure if we'll ever talk to each other again...lols
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVVvJjwzl6c (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVVvJjwzl6c)
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We both decided to hit a local casino this morning trying to beat the afternoon rush knowing it's going to be flooded with patrons today. 10 a.m and it felt like a busy afternoon at this casino already..lols We both just dabble around random slots, 20 bucks in each machine, mid range bets, it was either go big or go home cus we both don't like big crowds and didn't want to stay longer than we both had hoped for..but we decided to mid low roll..haha low bankroll, bet mid range. works sometimes. of course its still just all random..but we got lucky several times doing this..she won 200 while I won 60 bucks. lols and we dipped..we stopped to gas up and we both fought who should pay for gas..I mean this in a positive light, we both wanted to pay for the gas..lols So I ended up paying of course with the 60 bucks I won. she gives me 60 bucks as I got back..I was like stop being cringy..if you dont want it just give it a homeless person..lols
we got home, i took a nap..and woke up from a weird dream....I told the wife: in my dream we were both still going at it on who should pay for gas...I said, you kept apologizing, and I kept saying it's okay, it's really okay...and it felt like we both were fighting to be the good guy...like we were both fighting to see who is more nice and more compassionate. .lols we both laughed out loud and she said she's making dinner for us tonight..I was like for reals? and she said yeah for reals, and leftovers will be for our lunch tomorrow for work if I wanted...lols I joke, would be nice if you wake up to make me breakfast tomorrow and fixed me a lunch for work tomorrow since I paid for your gas...lols she said don't ruin a perfectyly normal good day now..lols but I wouldn't be surprise if she does wake up early tomorrow to make me breakfast and fix me a sandwich or something for lunch..haha she just don't like to be asked to do it..she only does it when she feels like it or she is probably expecting a big favor in return...lols j/k
to us, I think we both are over our prime..lols so what seems like a fun day to us, is probably lame and boring to younger, more energetic couples..
but great start to the new year. Happy 2024 folks. This year is going to fly too, so make the most of your time together, be it with your significant other, children, or families and friends.... 8)
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Wife once asked me to write a poem of my life story in a nutshell...and it went something like this....
I don't know, this road drawns me in
It's dark, it's cold, and it's lonely
I don't know, but I'm walking on it
I want to turn around, cuz Im scared as shit
But a voice tells me, it's the only road
Many times I find myself in the brink
Of giving it all up, I can't think
But I'm reminded each time
of the feint light I see in a distance
I asked what was my crime
I'm on a road, nobody wants to be on
I'm the only soul, flesh and blood
This voice reminds me once more
Believe in myself, never give up, keep striving
the river will look friendly at night
and the oceans small,
The trees will protect you, and ever living soul
will be your friend, nothing but love and joy
is what awaits your arrival at the light
I'm not poetic, so oh wells..she loved it anyway..or at least she said so..lols
but yeah, i think there's two type of lives...those who had a good life early on but for it to dwindle down later down the road...and those who was a lost soul early on, but once they found themselves- its nothing by sunshine and skittles...or whatever however that saying goes..lols
stay humble, dont take anyone or anything good for granted, and remember that cold dark lonely road...and that if you believe in yourself, and know you have a good soul, that- that voice will keep its promise....
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I went to visit my parents to check in on them and they had some visitors...My mother introduce me to them, "this is our middle son" and the "nyiam tais" said "ohhhh yom, koj tus tub no muaj ib tsaus zoo li mev os yom?"
In my mind I was cracking up...because a lot of spanish speaking folks do mistake me for Hispanic or Latino sometimes, or they'll say "you kind of look like a mixture of Asian and Hispanic" or sometimes i get you look like them Flips with heavy Spanish facial traits...lols
that nyiam tais went on and say "peb Hmoob yeej ib txwm muaj ib cos muaj ib tsaus zoo like meka ib cos zoo li mev, feem ntaus cov zoo zoo nkauj zoo nraug xwb"...
haha I'm like heck yeah, I'll take the compliment..lo ls 8) (honestly though, I look Asian/Hmong without my cap. With my cap on, I guess I become somewhat mexican..lols and I'm one of those folks who often wears a cap even in 100 degree weather..
oh don't tell my partner, but I remember back in middle school, I do remember a Hmong girl, very pretty..and you would thing she's latina or a mixture until she speaks fluent Hmong or the teacher calls her first and last name during roll call and she answers "here"..haha she probably never noticed me..i was probably just another average Joe Hmong boy back then..haha and she probably had both mexican and Hmong dudes chasing her..lols
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Our neighbor has their front light flickering as we pulled into the driveway..It was a creepy sight. I said "now I know why I don't use fluoracent lightbulbs inside and around the house..I couldn't really figure out why it gives me somewhat of a uneasy feeling until now..haha She goes, I have no preference but we could be saving on electricity if we use fluoracent lighting. I said its not worth losing our sanity once they start to flicker..lols maybe its just me..but when I think about fluoracent lighting it reminds me of the time I went inside a hospital restroom late at night and the light started to flicker..I turned around and saw a silhouette and it slowly faded away. I said, okay Uncle, so long. I went back to the waiting area, and my sister said, Uncle pass.. I said, I know..haha j/k well I kind of knew..My uncle really loved me and saw me like a son..
It was later revealed to me that my uncle who I always thought was my blood, biological uncle and my father are actually half brothers only..I was like no wonder My father looks like JFK, and my uncle looks like Lincoln...so technically I have some blood half cousins then..lols we look nothing alike..but my first cousins, or relatives rather from my mother's side, people say we resemble each other a lot..I guess.haha
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I don't know what it is, maybe we have a love where we fall more and more in love everyday...I remembered we used to hate each other..lols..w ell okay more like disliked...I guess I never knew what love really feels like until now...to get a grown ass man like myself feel like a 16 year old boy so in love with his first g-f ever, only this time I don't worry about you leaving, someone comes and steal you away, and I'm not constantly thinking what to say, or do to keep you happy, like buy you a gift every week..lols...I can just be myself and know that you truly do love me............ .
she smiled and cried a little. And we hugged each other and talk through the night and I said to her, I will be back to my normal schedule of working, irregular long hours...she accused me of being snarky and said so I've been so good to her because I knew she would not be happy with my long hours of working 6-7 days a week even...lols and so yeah..I assure her I will make sure I check in on her every couple hours..she jokingly said, it better be every hour dude...lols... ahhh, love my job, love her...but this might be my last year with my current employer...hah a
so yeah folks, I'm happy, but at the same time, I know I should be spending a lot more time with her..we're already kind of halfway through life, and time is only going to go by even faster from here on out..haha
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be not wary of the silent man's stillness, but be wary of what he see and feel that the oblivious cannot. -sir Jacko
;D 8)
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a stranger who claimed he just got release from jail asked me if they can use my phone to call someone. before I said, sure, they said you can just dial the number hold it and put it on loud speaker...I took out my flip phone and said what's the number? I dialed the number, put it on speaker, and he said "dude, where the fuke r you, I've been waiting for 45 fuking minutes".
I could of just given him my flip phone and he can dial and call..but I thought it be funny, and some people who walked by tried to hold in their laughter...som e blatantly laughed and some chuckled away.. I just like to entertain myself when Im in a good mood..that's all..lols I'm sure that guy busted out laughing once he got in his ride..I knew he wanted to laugh but at the same time making sure his ride gets to him and see's him was way more important..hah a
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we were sitting together for our break. And the gossip started rolling. One co-worker asked me if I know this person. I said yeah I do, he's pretty cool. And he was like yeah I heard he just got fire, alot of people were complaining about his abrasive nature.I was like what? Another co-worker chipped he always been an "punkass" even before he became a supervisor. I then said, oh for reals, I actually wrote him a shout out to the higher ups, saying he was top notch and recommended him for future considerations to move up even higher.
the look on both their faces, eyes widen and then we all laughed. so yeah..Maybe he's nice to certain people, and I was one of them..but I know when I see a good person..they don't always appear to be one though, that's the tricky part due to whatever demons they may be battling, inside and outside of work....haha
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Break room, emptied and clean
One half full Soda bottle stands alone
I think I know who's it belong to
Out the door, to the floor
The forklifts neatly parked
I don't remember, this place, this quiet
I now know why, I got a vision, a voice
It told me, back to your roots,
Your time here is almost done
Continue on my day, Hoping nobody will ask
How's it going, everything okay?
as much as some days
were hated, this place became a part of me
I will start missing now, so when I go
hopefully I will miss less...
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Planning and Envisoning 2024, had to go back to some of my notes and here are some life lessons I failed to learn or simply forgot about...lols
1) protect yourself at all times, I let my guards down too much recently
2) stay ready for anything- I've been lazy and careless..
3) prioritize what's more important first- I been putting off important things
4) trust the process- everything happens for a reason, sometimes some things don't make sense, but life is a simulation..ha ha j/k maybe though...lols
5) your mind plays tricks most times- again this is back to life as a simulation, your mind needs manual attention, this mean THINK!! lols
6) their's a difference between a conscious and intuitions, consciousness or subconsciousne ss is when your mind already did half the thinking, intuitions is when you think or act on impulse. ??? not sure...
7) smart thing is to be dumb sometimes. don't want to be too smart for your own good..lols
8) just be happy...stop caring so much what others say, think, or do..I stop caring, but I also become careless for myself..so gotta work on being selfish..lols
hope this reminds, or helps yalls in some ways...thank me later. lols
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One of the meanest person I known, was also one of the coolest person I ever known. He was my boss at my very first real job as a car wash attendant. A Vietnam Veteran, retired military. Heavy smoker. He has a habit for abrasive behavior, but he tries to make up for it by showing compassion. One day he got into a scuffle with a worker, unfortunately he went a little too far that time. I didn't know what PTSD and how it related to Veterans was at the time, but I supposed he had that stuff. I stuck to that job for a while actually. More than 3 years for sure. It's no wonder back then all my siblings wanted me to wash their cars and do light detailing because before they can train me to be a professional detailer I found a job elsewhere.
About 5 years later, I see him again. He and his wife were regulars at the local casino. I'll usually see them when I go myself there. I don't know if he remembers me or recognizes me anymore until one day he came and sat next to me at a blackjack table, call me by name and said "any luck"? Of course I wasn't very good then, so I said sometimes, and not so much other times. He never once mention about the old car wash place..One thing he did though was constantly telling me only gamble what you can handle.
Then I stopped seeing him or his wife one day...About a year later, I moved to a different part of town and I start seeing him again. Just in and around town. He still drives that same Blue Tundra, the very first Tundra model I believe..He use to make me personally washed that truck, and only me..lols He'll wave sometimes, and sometimes he might not even see me.
Then I stopped seeing him. Years passed, and I was just flipping through old newspapes and saw his orbituary. My heart sunk for a bit.
I learned quite a bit from the guy, and picked up some of his traits too. I might scold or raised my voice sometimes at my workers, but I attempt to apologize later. Sometimes to even getting them a snack or gatorade, or giving them an extra break..haha Besides they're probably use to me and know how I operate by now so they don't take it personally. If I changed to super soft, they'd probably be disappointed. So the tradition must continue..haha h
I don't know, that's probably why I just want to live a simple life. Simplicity is beautiful. If a being a doctor, a lawyer, or something high up there is not for you, just work your ass off and live a simple life..lols
so yes, we do come across people in our lives for a reason........ ....
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i thought our fights were bad sometimes..but this one morning years ago during my young and dumb days, the housemate came dashing into the house. Half drunk, came barging, and panic, said I have to, I just have to do him a big favor...We have to go get her...lols I suppose he and his g-f got drunk, too drunk and some things or truths were reveal...lols I was like WTF dude...but it's the first time he really asked me for anything. As we got to his g-f's brother's house, we step outside, and I have no idea why, but my 9 almost fell out of my hip...He looks at me and was like "r u serious dude? okay just stay insinde the car"
5 minutes later, turns into 30 minutes, then into 45 minuts..I finally text him they both only have 15 minutes left before I leave...they barely made it to the car...and they both were still fighting....
never again...and I really didn't mean to bring the glock..it's just kind of like a second nature thing to do in times of urgency...lols but I guessed it works out too...The guy move out shortly after and never asked me for anything since...lols
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I told her once, I don't see myself being a husband or father someday, I'm not who you think I am and its all my fault but if you stay with me you won't be happy. She look into my eyes with great intensity, and it must have been the longest 10 seconds of my life. She must of have saw fire and lightning and saw how dark my soul was. While I saw nothing but a plain field of lush grass and clear blue skies in her eyes....She then softly said, "i understand"-Im sorry I wish was that girl you've been searching for, but I'm not her........... .........we hugged, and cried a little together..well she did..and so I walked her to the train, and it was the last time I saw her........... ....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSs9zTeoz4g (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSs9zTeoz4g)
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old friend called me, said got my number from my parents. Bump into them at the Fresno New years. Talk about old friends, and running into a few. Said he swore, but they all asked about me. In a way, I feel validated, another I'd wished they all forgotten about me..lols Some good stories, some bad. Some still the same, some worse, some gone. We both start talking about life in general. How time and age changes how we see the world. What keeps us going, and what means something to us. He said his kids and wife keeps him going, I said I don't know what keeps me going, I don't know what's important to me anymore..I want to do my part to impact the world, but I told him, I do think the Force gives out freebies sometimes and this is my freebie life time..lols
I look up to the sky,and asked the force for forgiveness, it was a bad joke..lols But then out of nowhere, high up in the sky, I see something intriguing...a m eagle..maybe a hawk. I thought it was kind of weird, they're not around this time of year. So I took it as a message fromt he force...haha 8)
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I went to visit my parents to check in on them and they had some visitors...My mother introduce me to them, "this is our middle son" and the "nyiam tais" said "ohhhh yom, koj tus tub no muaj ib tsaus zoo li mev os yom?"
In my mind I was cracking up...because a lot of spanish speaking folks do mistake me for Hispanic or Latino sometimes, or they'll say "you kind of look like a mixture of Asian and Hispanic" or sometimes i get you look like them Flips with heavy Spanish facial traits...lols
that nyiam tais went on and say "peb Hmoob yeej ib txwm muaj ib cos muaj ib tsaus zoo like meka ib cos zoo li mev, feem ntaus cov zoo zoo nkauj zoo nraug xwb"...
haha I'm like heck yeah, I'll take the compliment..lo ls 8) (honestly though, I look Asian/Hmong without my cap. With my cap on, I guess I become somewhat mexican..lols and I'm one of those folks who often wears a cap even in 100 degree weather..
oh don't tell my partner, but I remember back in middle school, I do remember a Hmong girl, very pretty..and you would thing she's latina or a mixture until she speaks fluent Hmong or the teacher calls her first and last name during roll call and she answers "here"..haha she probably never noticed me..i was probably just another average Joe Hmong boy back then..haha and she probably had both mexican and Hmong dudes chasing her..lols
I was at the mall today and a young Mev couple was sitting in the food court with their baby. The wife could pass for Hmong. She was attractive.
Last week I was at another establishment and there was a comic fair. One of the many vendor booths was an anime artist who was selling her work. I believe she was Mev, but she could pass for Hmong, too. She wasn't all that attractive though.
-
We both decided to hit a local casino this morning trying to beat the afternoon rush knowing it's going to be flooded with patrons today. 10 a.m and it felt like a busy afternoon at this casino already..lols We both just dabble around random slots, 20 bucks in each machine, mid range bets, it was either go big or go home cus we both don't like big crowds and didn't want to stay longer than we both had hoped for..but we decided to mid low roll..haha low bankroll, bet mid range. works sometimes. of course its still just all random..but we got lucky several times doing this..she won 200 while I won 60 bucks. lols and we dipped..we stopped to gas up and we both fought who should pay for gas..I mean this in a positive light, we both wanted to pay for the gas..lols So I ended up paying of course with the 60 bucks I won. she gives me 60 bucks as I got back..I was like stop being cringy..if you dont want it just give it a homeless person..lols
we got home, i took a nap..and woke up from a weird dream....I told the wife: in my dream we were both still going at it on who should pay for gas...I said, you kept apologizing, and I kept saying it's okay, it's really okay...and it felt like we both were fighting to be the good guy...like we were both fighting to see who is more nice and more compassionate. .lols we both laughed out loud and she said she's making dinner for us tonight..I was like for reals? and she said yeah for reals, and leftovers will be for our lunch tomorrow for work if I wanted...lols I joke, would be nice if you wake up to make me breakfast tomorrow and fixed me a lunch for work tomorrow since I paid for your gas...lols she said don't ruin a perfectyly normal good day now..lols but I wouldn't be surprise if she does wake up early tomorrow to make me breakfast and fix me a sandwich or something for lunch..haha she just don't like to be asked to do it..she only does it when she feels like it or she is probably expecting a big favor in return...lols j/k
to us, I think we both are over our prime..lols so what seems like a fun day to us, is probably lame and boring to younger, more energetic couples..
but great start to the new year. Happy 2024 folks. This year is going to fly too, so make the most of your time together, be it with your significant other, children, or families and friends.... 8)
So I was at this mall that I haven't been to in years. I'm not a mall person but today I wanted to take a walk indoors. Anyways, this mall has a huge arcade so I decided to check it out. The place reminded me of a casino because it was filled with arcade games that made that slot-machine sound. You know the sound. And they were flashing colorful lights just like slot machines. It got me thinking, "this is no different than a casino. People play these machines hoping to win, but they lose most of the time. Not only that, they can be very addicting, too. And it's all the same purpose - you put money in and don't really get much return."
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I was at the mall today and a young Mev couple was sitting in the food court with their baby. The wife could pass for Hmong. She was attractive.
Last week I was at another establishment and there was a comic fair. One of the many vendor booths was an anime artist who was selling her work. I believe she was Mev, but she could pass for Hmong, too. She wasn't all that attractive though.
oh c'mon, we all bleed red..lols ;)
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So I was at this mall that I haven't been to in years. I'm not a mall person but today I wanted to take a walk indoors. Anyways, this mall has a huge arcade so I decided to check it out. The place reminded me of a casino because it was filled with arcade games that made that slot-machine sound. You know the sound. And they were flashing colorful lights just like slot machines. It got me thinking, "this is no different than a casino. People play these machines hoping to win, but they lose most of the time. Not only that, they can be very addicting, too. And it's all the same purpose - you put money in and don't really get much return."
yeah, correct. I had to learned it the hard way..lols just really expensive entertainment or dose of dopamine that is not worth it.
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:-\ this one hits hauntingly hard....I can tell he is speaking from experience..11 0% facts!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kZ-62Mdb78 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kZ-62Mdb78)
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Marvy was covering for Colton. We had our differences in the past but we learned to respect on another. Marvy is one of those good Alpha Males, strong presence. I on the other hand, is more of the Strong Silent type. Marvy keeps yelling and shouting over me. It wasn't long before I knew it was obviously delibrate. So towards the end of the shift, I start yelling and shouting at my team. All this while Marvy was sure his team was gonna finish first. What he didn't know was during lunch break, I already set up my team to win. We came and kick their ass. Marvy looks at me and said " I know what you did"..I walked to my car, and some of the guys stayed behind and "drank". I just pretended they were't there, didn't hear anything..One of the guys throw a beer can at me as I drove out..lols
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You have to operate behind the shadows, there's a million arrows aiming for you
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Trouble soul, come sit next to me and listen carefully, how foolish can you be, you don't know how bless you are. You have been listening to the wrong souls all your life, you are living their dreams, fantasies, and lies. This is now or never, now go out there and be yourself. And...uhhhh only bother me if you really need to.
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I told her once, I don't see myself being a husband or father someday, I'm not who you think I am and its all my fault but if you stay with me you won't be happy. She look into my eyes with great intensity, and it must have been the longest 10 seconds of my life. She must of have saw fire and lightning and saw how dark my soul was. While I saw nothing but a plain field of lush grass and clear blue skies in her eyes....She then softly said, "i understand"-Im sorry I wish was that girl you've been searching for, but I'm not her........... .........we hugged, and cried a little together..well she did..and so I walked her to the train, and it was the last time I saw her........... ....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSs9zTeoz4g (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSs9zTeoz4g)
Some people are amazing on the surface level and there can be quite a lot of chemistry, but you're on different trajectories. In fact, you two have different destinations. Sometimes a person breaks up with you not because of what you couldn't give them, but because they already know that they can't fulfill you. Basically, they're going to pick someone who is going to put up with their bs and low energy.
I have a distant cousin who is an orphan. He married a much older widow (by 10 years), who could not have children. She also wasn't very attractive but was great at fulfilling wifely duties. This cousin of mine is not the flashy type and is not someone who likes to take care of his appearance. He is very introverted, socially awkward, and never dated or had a girlfriend. My dad was concerned that he might not find her appealing down the road. My dad is the type who believes that you have to have some physical attraction to the person you marry. What my dad failed to see was that my cousin wasn't marrying for that at all. He, himself, has a low sex drive. He wanted a wife whose energy matched that, and that she needed to understand he was marrying her simply to have companionship and for someone to take care of the household duties. In the beginning, she struggled a lot to adjust because she had an affectionate relationship with her late husband, who was vastly different from my distant cousin. But over time, she accepted the marriage for what it was and they've been married for decades now without drama - or at least that we know of. They never come to family gatherings/events, not even for funerals. To put it bluntly, this distant cousin of mine wanted to live an isolated life but he still wanted someone to do the dishes. lol
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Some people are amazing on the surface level and there can be quite a lot of chemistry, but you're on different trajectories. In fact, you two have different destinations. Sometimes a person breaks up with you not because of what you couldn't give them, but because they already know that they can't fulfill you. Basically, they're going to pick someone who is going to put up with their bs and low energy.
I have a distant cousin who is an orphan. He married a much older widow (by 10 years), who could not have children. She also wasn't very attractive but was great at fulfilling wifely duties. This cousin of mine is not the flashy type and is not someone who likes to take care of his appearance. He is very introverted, socially awkward, and never dated or had a girlfriend. My dad was concerned that he might not find her appealing down the road. My dad is the type who believes that you have to have some physical attraction to the person you marry. What my dad failed to see was that my cousin wasn't marrying for that at all. He, himself, has a low sex drive. He wanted a wife whose energy matched that, and that she needed to understand he was marrying her simply to have companionship and for someone to take care of the household duties. In the beginning, she struggled a lot to adjust because she had an affectionate relationship with her late husband, who was vastly different from my distant cousin. But over time, she accepted the marriage for what it was and they've been married for decades now without drama - or at least that we know of. They never come to family gatherings/events, not even for funerals. To put it bluntly, this distant cousin of mine wanted to live an isolated life but he still wanted someone to do the dishes. lol
LOL. Smart guy.
Well, yes, I had to be honest to this particular one. Sometimes we get hurt, and sometimes we do the hurt. It's about being brutally honest and understanding.
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I'm not very religious or compassionate, lols but this song stuck with me ever since the few times I ever attended church. LMAO I'm gonna start to listen to this song every morning if I can. Reminder to me to love, not hate. Understand, not judge. embrace all, it's not the person- but the negative force that drives them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPKyTY71iRM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPKyTY71iRM)
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Yeah, but some people really do need to be cut out of our lives. Especially if they're manipulative and can't be trusted. People who invite demons into their lives should be avoided and turned over to God's appointed helpers to save.
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Yeah, but some people really do need to be cut out of our lives. Especially if they're manipulative and can't be trusted. People who invite demons into their lives should be avoided and turned over to God's appointed helpers to save.
some people are demons, they sold their soul to the devil...haha some are just victims of uhhh demonization?? lols is that even a word? lmao
but yeah, you're right. I always have this theory, that sometimes we even need to cut ties with good people..lols everytime we allow people into our lives, it changes our dynamics of our matrix, sometimes for better, and others it downgrades..ha ha
but dang woman, why you keep attracting these kind of people anwyay?? lols j/k
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some people are demons, they sold their soul to the devil...haha some are just victims of uhhh demonization?? lols is that even a word? lmao
but yeah, you're right. I always have this theory, that sometimes we even need to cut ties with good people..lols everytime we allow people into our lives, it changes our dynamics of our matrix, sometimes for better, and others it downgrades..ha ha
but dang woman, why you keep attracting these kind of people anwyay?? lols j/k
lol people? Maybe I've been talking about the same person. lol
Actually, I'm around a lot of good people and that is why I just get the sense that this particular person isn't right. lol
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lol people? Maybe I've been talking about the same person. lol
Actually, I'm around a lot of good people and that is why I just get the sense that this particular person isn't right. lol
Oh, yeah. haha false assumptions, sorry.
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The old man always use to say to me "mob siab, thiaj li muaj siab"...The truth is pain isn't always a bad thing. It's probably a very good thing. Use it to lift you up to greater heights. As they say, no pain, no gain. Very cliche but yet very powerful. 8)
Legend was that during Ancient China, the Hmong warrior will kill his wife and children before heading out to war. He brings nothing but anguish pain with him and has nothing to lose. >:D Dont do that my Hmong brothers, this is America now. LOL
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Ughhh...this one hurts like hell....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQpV3i71v3U (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQpV3i71v3U)
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Tyler and I was walking to a meeting we needed to attend. He stops abruptly, and tell me to wait a second. He busted a move on a girl. They chatted for a quick minute or so and what look like she was inputting her phone number unto his phone. He turns around and said "sorry, but just had to make the detour". I chuckled a little and joke "You make it look so easy, you gotta tell me your secret"...he looks at me with a grin and said "It doesn't work like that with most Asian women- but sometimes all you have to do is ask them with confidence and if they say no, walk away with confidence".... :2funny:
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Jazz and I was working together the other day. A young man, just turned 21. We both talked several times in the past until recently he transfer back into the same department. Wanted to know about my past and tells me how hard life is. Said he doesn't know if he wants to keep his g-f around, because he's juggling work, school and her all together and its overwhelming. I told him, if she means something to him, to hold unto her. Good women are much harder to find when you get older. And if you come across one, you might not be too happy with their relationship history. He nods and said yeah that makes sense. I then go on, don't be like me, I was a player, I treated women like crap, I got into trouble all the time- I basically didn't give a shat and had no direction in life- Don't waste time and don't take a good woman for granted. He looks at me and with a soft tone "come on Jonni, you weren't really like that are you?"...I said "it was just kind of the way life was for my generation, just be glad you youngins don't have to go through and experience early life like we did"....
I made up the last part, but I really wanted this young gun to remain on the right path. Good kid, with a promising future. I kind of regret it now, I should of have just told him, remain good, good don't always win battles, but good always wins the war.......
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Lucy came back and on her first day back, they just have to assign her to work with me. Lucy is around my age. The last time we work together was several years ago. I remember the one time she asked me about my age. I told her I was in my mid 20's. Much younger than I really was. I thought that was gonna be it, but she went on and said, she has a daughter in her early 20's. I said cool. Long pause, then she asked if I like her daughter's phone number. LOL, I kindly said, thanks but I'm happy with someone right now. She looks at me a little strange. I was confuse why.
Several weeks later, we work on the same team again. Abel, a fun loving outgoing gentleman starts to talk to me all the while Lucy comes to join us. Abel Introduce me to Lucy, and Lucy quickly stops him " I know Him, he's my friend". Abel then say "he doesn't look 40 huh? Lucy looks at me with a slight fit " You're 40?? you told me you were in your 20's last time?!" LOLs I tried to play it off and said, I don't know my real DOB, so I just give out random answers on random days. LOLS Abe asked, "why she care, aren't you married?" I remember I told Abe once that I was married so the girls he know will stop asking about me since I'm old enough to be their father. Lol
Anyway, on her first day back Lucy told me she and her husband moved out of town for a while but move back recently. Show me a photos of her grandchildren and she pointed out the daughter she once tried to hook me up with. LOL Said she's now married with 2 children. I said they look like a happy family. This time, she knew not to asked me any personal questions- I'd just give random answers... ;D
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What if, its actually all from within??????
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOcIUTEB6h0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOcIUTEB6h0)
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Something inside told me to visit your place of rest. I got there and I can see why. Your's the only one without any flowers, decors, and what not. It's been 20 some years since you left this world. Thanks for reminding me how fast time flies by buddy..haha
The last time I visit a old friend's grave, my radio started acting funny as I drove away. This time, as I drove away rolling up the window, it wanted to roll down instead....Old friend is playing games. haha
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a broken vase, just glued and tape back together
a broken soul with missing pieces, lost forever
a damage motherboard, trying to function correctly
eventhough, it knows that it probably won't ever fully.....
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I got there, but the store I was looking for wasn't there. At least, not anymore. I look around, and notice all the stores in the shopping center were all different from what I can remember from last time. I got confused. I started walking around and making small talks to strangers and asking questions where's the store I was looking for. They all look at me with confusion. "Burly what? Are you sure?" and "Hon, do you know where there is a Burlington store?"- "sorry, we're probably the wrong people to ask" As I walked more, I notice nobody, including myself had a cell phone. I walked into a housing complex, It look a little run down, and there, two men my age look at me. One of them complimented on my shirt, the other asked where I get my shoes. I was confuse, they were very normal attire. Nothing special. Probably even a little outdated and out of style I thought to myself.
I walked out and stop by a bleacher. When I notice 3-4 young boys, small but husky walking towards me with logs over their shoulders. Some little girls were playing joyfully nearby, and one of them came and asked me "are you going to help us build a tree house too?".
It was at this moment I knew, I was awake in this dream. Or was it a dream? I grew frustrated. All the roads, landscapes, and even street signs were the same or similar to how I remember them, but the stores, the people, and atmosphere was different. I knew, I have to close my eyes and fall asleep to get out of this situation. As soon as I fell asleep in this "dream", I slowly felt what might be my soul or spirite gliding back into my body and as soon as it settle in- I woke up from my...sleep.
The message here, don't take life for granted. Life could be worse, or less. In other parallel universes it is. And then the voice came to me "You got to do better, you can do better, you need to do better-some people would take your place in a flash in your current realm if they knew such exists....." :-X
*just for entertainment folks, this experience really happened, but maybe I was just high on caffeine, or had caffeine crash. LOL
But what if parallel universes do exists?
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Kuv puas tseem yog koj tus naj npawb ib
Tus koj xav txog tas li
Tus koj nco txog ua ntej koj pw
ua koj luag ntxhi thaum koj sawv.......... ..
Koj yog tus kuv khiav tsis dim
Ua li cas rau kuv
Kuv tsis paub xav tag lawm
Tsua paub tias zaum no
Kuv khiav tsis dim lawm.......... ....
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Tseem tsis tau hlig, nyuam qhua pib xwb
koj tsis yog moog phem, yog moog zoo
koj yog tus ntuj xaiv, ib tug ntuj txib
Txhob xav hlig, cia li tuaj siab
Txhob muaj xav ntau, us li kom tau
Ntau li ntau
Suav ntev, yog tsis txaum tiam no
Suav lwm tiam, Ua taub mus
lwm zaus thiab li yooj yim
Yeej ib txwm tsis tau hlig
Yeej tsis tau pib
ntau leej ntau tus
ntshaw koj txoj moog
Ntsua yog koj tsis xav pib xwb
Ua kom tau, ntau li ntau
Li lub ntuj txib
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Sorry, but I must go now. I will remember you- all the best
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Waking up feelin like the old me
Felt good but felt somethin missin
Can't run away from it
Wish this feeling would go away
But I want to know
Will I regret if I really do
Yes, I would......... .
Yes, I would.......
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I got there, but the store I was looking for wasn't there. At least, not anymore. I look around, and notice all the stores in the shopping center were all different from what I can remember from last time. I got confused. I started walking around and making small talks to strangers and asking questions where's the store I was looking for. They all look at me with confusion. "Burly what? Are you sure?" and "Hon, do you know where there is a Burlington store?"- "sorry, we're probably the wrong people to ask" As I walked more, I notice nobody, including myself had a cell phone. I walked into a housing complex, It look a little run down, and there, two men my age look at me. One of them complimented on my shirt, the other asked where I get my shoes. I was confuse, they were very normal attire. Nothing special. Probably even a little outdated and out of style I thought to myself.
I walked out and stop by a bleacher. When I notice 3-4 young boys, small but husky walking towards me with logs over their shoulders. Some little girls were playing joyfully nearby, and one of them came and asked me "are you going to help us build a tree house too?".
It was at this moment I knew, I was awake in this dream. Or was it a dream? I grew frustrated. All the roads, landscapes, and even street signs were the same or similar to how I remember them, but the stores, the people, and atmosphere was different. I knew, I have to close my eyes and fall asleep to get out of this situation. As soon as I fell asleep in this "dream", I slowly felt what might be my soul or spirite gliding back into my body and as soon as it settle in- I woke up from my...sleep.
The message here, don't take life for granted. Life could be worse, or less. In other parallel universes it is. And then the voice came to me "You got to do better, you can do better, you need to do better-some people would take your place in a flash in your current realm if they knew such exists....." :-X
*just for entertainment folks, this experience really happened, but maybe I was just high on caffeine, or had caffeine crash. LOL
But what if parallel universes do exists?
I always knew this particular Burlington had a place in my heart. The location, the energy. It's serenity and solace vibe. The calm it gives me in low moments. I'm not a fashion junkie but due to my work, I constantly need new shirts the past 6 years or so and this was the store.
Stop by today and the store is close up. They are moving to a new location.
I knew I wasn't crazy, the experience above was a premonition for sure. I'm a little sadden, but it's good to know the force is still with me. Haha
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Dear family, this is a message from the truth, the fate of this world does not lie in the hands of the truth, but in the hands of us as humans. Life here is very short, it is very temporary. Value what matters most. That is, the things money cannot buy. Love, compassion and faith. Choose your poison or choose your blessings.
This world we exist on, was first created for good intentions, but many have betray the Truth, It is speaking to us, it is indeed trying to save us all. Everything in the Bible is true. The signs are every where,............
Let the Truth set you free......
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He shyly asked me if I could put down my contact info. He's applying for the police academy and needed a neighbor reference. I said, yeah, of course, I can do that. He became very enthusiastic. I asked him for his name. How old, and if he has a clean background. He said yes. I said we definitely need more Hmong police officers out there, esp. detectives. He said that he was leaning more into the swat thing, but thank me for the suggestion. I gave him some positive words. I can tell he was truly grateful. He was sent my way for my blessings. ;D
Seen this kid grew up, walk to and home from school. And this was the first time we ever spoke. His parents raise him up right.
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They say life is what you make of it, but how do you really smile and laugh genuinely, how do you stay positive during war time, esp, when under fire. Maybe we were all sent here only to experience pain, heartbreak, and disappointment-so we don't take what's to come for granted- hopefully some place much better. Value those very few who truly has your back, wants nothing but genuine friendship, loves you for who you are, stand with you in your beliefs, and will die for or with you.....Pain is only temporary for those who believe. Live and love like you are at the mercy of the Truth- You do not want to come back here again, or somewhere much worse next time-The sad truth is, it's only gonna get worse from here on. There.. will... be... a final day.....just ask the dinosaurs....
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Lord, I'm sorry. I don't think I was able to save this person. Why must I fail this last one. Is my mission over. I do not want to be like everyone else.
One day you will understand, I would never set you up for failure
Lord,,,,
Enough,,,,....
Sorry fam, the time has come to an end here. Thanks to everyone who ever pm me, telling me how much I restore some faith and love back into your life. It's only because of the Truth, I am nothing with ITS blessings. Apparently, the truth wants me to finally live for myself and enjoy whatever time I have left here. I don't want to, but I am only human after all, and the pain and challenges will only become overpowering from here on if I don't move on to the next chapter of this lonely journey.
Bless you All
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Boss said for me to take an hour lunch if I'm willing to go fetch him a pack of cigarettes and beers. Lol drove to 7/11. Got my chicken wings, my tea and the boss's stuff. A mean looking clerk rang up the stuffs. Asked me how old I am. I said 25. She said I.D. I hand her my i.d and said just joking, I'm 40. She laughed out loud and her co clerk laughed out loud as well. She then handed back my I d and said you look no more than 21. Lol
I knew I shouldn't have shave this morning. Lol
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You don't realize you've been walking on the path of darkness until you realize that the road starts to look familiar, realizing, you have been walking in circles and that, that light in the end of the tunnel, is not attainable, unless you take that leap of faith over the burning pit that separates the dark road and the light.
Slay the last of your demons. Your time is running out.........
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Sister n law asked me if I remember Tammy. I said who? Tammy, Lous ex wife. I responded I know Lou and his wife separated but I don't know her like that. Why the hell you bringing her up, Lou is a good guy. Lol well Lou cheated on her. But she said before meeting Lou you guys use to chat on Hmongtalk all the time. I have to think back hard. Okay I remember a Tammy now but we never did meet in person and we fizzle out. Then it dawn on me, Lous ex wife does look a lot like the photos I remember this Tammy girl sent me. I didn't know Tammy was just her nickname. In real life she goes by her birth Hmong name. Lol Maybe she look different in person. I thought to myself, no wonder this girl always give me a slight smile during extended family gatherings. Sometimes in front of Lou. I never thought much of it but that that's just how she is with everyone.
I said sorry, she had her chance a long time ago . Lol
:-X
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You didn't betray me, you betrayed yourself, did you disappoint me, yes, but it was expected- stick to your roots, hold tight to your values- your kind is born, not made- You are now ready- the time has come
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Fuke, shit, sorry fam, I have more than just a few demons left in me...I have a lot left actually...ple ase excuse the erratic behavior.....b ear with me....I'll be back soon.
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Damn it, I'm screwed..
Sister called me: "hey dude, Jacob said he found a cigg in my car and thinks Im smoking or cheating, was wondering if you used my car and accidentally drop one in there, or if Matthew went into your room and got a hold of one and brought it with him"
Me: "what brand is it? Matt always goes into my room when Im not home looking for the Tablet, he must of have found one somewhere I accidentally dropped in my room somewhere and thought it was cool to have it"
Sister: "its all white, marlboro?"
Me: oh yeah okay its mines, I never smoke in front of him though.
Sister: "its all good, we just needed to sort it out, Matt confess he found it under your bed when he was trying to find the tablet and thought it was cool to keep it"
Fuke, I'm screwed..Don't think my bro n law is ever gonna talk to me again after this...but it's a sure sign to kick the habit for good.... :-X
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I went back in this dream, to my teens. I had a rooster at the time, and I loved him dearly. His feathers were all black, not a single spot of white or any other color. The unique thing about his feathers was they emit such a strong sheen of green, even in the shade. His plummage too was unique. His tail sickles curls inward and they were long. One day, I notice he wasn't crowing. I don't know if he was sick or not, but he was just roosting and looked normal. Something in me said he needs a hen, thats all. We lived in the city at the time, and technically we weren't suppose to have any chickens, let alone a rooster in the city limits. But our neighbors didn't seem to mind the crowings. Well, I call a uncle if I can get a hen for him. He said, he had the perfect one, all black hen, yellow feet, eyes and even beak. He insisted he brings her over because he wanted to see the rooster too. (I kept it hidden away from most people) and my uncle wanted at least two of his sons from the breeding. lols
I raised this rooster til his last breath. He lived up to about 9 years old. Before his last breath, he attempted to crow. He did, but it was very weak. I pluck two feathers from his body to keep, and buried him the next morning.
In this dream, I revisited the good times. I was no more than 16. I had some ground beef, some feed mixed with milk and other goodies. The rooster wasn't crowing, but.......sing ing....... :-X and this was the song he sang.....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39eEKjeq6qg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39eEKjeq6qg)
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We finally were assign to work together again the other day. Both of us started around the same time, and one day he was tailgating me for a mile to work. So we both had some animosity since. Never spoken to him until recently. LOL Both us express our workplace frustrations. We both agree, though we both disliked a lot of the things here, we get a away with a lot here where we wouldn't elsewhere. Showing up late, just use PTO or Sick time to cover it. No being called into a office and have a interrogation session. LOL Come back a few minutes late from break, if they don't get yell at by their boss, they don't care much. lols..We stop to think how long since we been here, I jokingly told him he has more grey hairs but look better shape from what I remember 6 years ago, and he joke, Always thought you were either mute or deaf at one point. Joke to him, this place turned me into a Jackass...LOL We had mostly small talks intermittently throughout the shift. But our last one got me thinking. He said the word "control" should not even exist. Said we don't control the next second, minute, hours or days. How others perceived or feels about us. All we can do is go with the flow and take our best precautions from anything bad happening. We don't really get to choose what we get and how we get it, if we do get it- but to work hard towards it. Like driving, all we can do is make sure our tires and suspensions are in good shape. But a blow out tire or a pot hole we didn't see can damage one or both of it while driving on the roads.
Shift was over, we both walk out to our cars together, and that was when he brought up the tailgating incident. haha He apologize, and I joke, it's a while back, I've forgotten about it..... 8)