Messages

1

Marriage & Family Life / Re: No one loves you more than your spouse

« on: Today at 12:19:04 PM »

I've said it before. The men I meet who were in long-term cohabitation are so very broken in comparison to the divorced men.

Divorced guys have a different type of wound. Note: I'm not talking about the liars and cheaters who sabotaged their own marriage. Anyways, they still feel hopeful about commitment. They know that they were just with a person who checked out. And like I said, divorced guys court differently, too. They don't have all these expectations to play house before commitment. This is very different with men who just dated long-term girlfriends. These guys want to play house. They want you to put in all this effort and investment BEFORE the commitment, to see if they want to commit to you. In other words, they want the milk and the cow before they want to buy. Most of the time, they don't buy the cow afterwards because they're only looking for flaws. They end up creating a lot of anxiety in the woman. They're used to these freebies and have a harder time of bonding. Whereas the men who had to buy the cow first, understand that you have to buy the cow first before you can drink the milk.

And the guys who know they have to buy the cow first value their time as well. They don't want to keep drinking milk that they're unsure about. 

2

Marriage & Family Life / Re: No one loves you more than your spouse

« on: Today at 12:10:31 PM »

Perhaps I'm not expressing myself in ways that is understood by most people. We've become too programmed by rom-coms, Disney, books, etc.

What I'm saying is that in order to have the most satisfying type of love is a marriage rooted in deep affection, admiration, and appreciation for each other. However, two people should not have to take years that include sex, spending a lot of time together, and playing house to know if they want marriage with each other. After enjoying each other's presence through conversations (and this can include being physically present), you should know that you want to do all the aforementioned with them. If you do, then you should start considering marriage because you really should only be doing those things within the context of a marriage.

The majority of people who play house before marriage end up very broken, and they carry that into all subsequent relationships, including marriage. This has already been proven true by marriage counselors, experts, coaches, etc.

When you sleep and spend time with someone, your body and your actions are making a non-verbal promise. This is where misunderstandi ngs happen and then people become broken. Even if they eventually move on to find someone else, the scar is always there. Very few people can move on from their ex(es) and it seems that the more toxic past relationships they've had, the more broken they are.

These are people who get into relationships (or rather "situationships") for the sake of breaking up.

3

Marriage & Family Life / Re: No one loves you more than your spouse

« on: May 01, 2024, 03:51:09 PM »

But I do agree that if your husband doesn't love you then you should love yourself first and get out.

4

Marriage & Family Life / Re: No one loves you more than your spouse

« on: May 01, 2024, 03:15:47 PM »

That's a lie women are telling themselves, thinking no one outside of their spouse will/can love them.  The world is full of men but I think for women to find that person/love, we need to value ourself, not be like a fish dying without water, a woman dying without the love of a man.  The key to finding love is be yourself, value yourself and a man will value you.  If he does not, he's not the one.  A man who truly values you will find a treasure in you.

When a woman says that she loves herself more and doesn't need a man, that means not getting involved in a situation or having a boyfriend, and that she will only give herself to a man who is her husband.

The woman who says that she doesn't need a man but agrees to be someone's girlfriend is only setting herself up to be strung along. That's what our mothers meant when they say that no one loves you more than your spouse. A lot of women give away themselves as a girlfriend, only to find out that the boyfriend was never all that committed (or doesn't feel like he is has much obligations to her).

5

Marriage & Family Life / Re: Family

« on: May 01, 2024, 02:54:56 PM »

In a sense, "yes". You are obligated to provide for the family that you created.

6

Marriage & Family Life / Re: The type of man that will make a good husband

« on: May 01, 2024, 02:53:52 PM »

However, I will add that we may start to see more cohabitation arrangement among our age group as people age into their 70s. A lot of women may not want a man to have legal rights to the wealth and other assets that she accrued either on her own or with her late/divorced husband.

I know a childless grandmother who moved a boyfriend into her apartment. They are both nearing their 90s. A lot of it is for companionship only. I hear the guy is a drunkard and his adults children feel burdened by him. Therefore, they did not hesitate to help pack up his stuff and move him out of state to be with this grandmother. The two did not formally marry or anything.

7

Marriage & Family Life / Re: The type of man that will make a good husband

« on: May 01, 2024, 02:48:52 PM »

https://www.today.com/health/reason-why-men-marry-some-women-not-others-t74671

This is an interesting article about why men marry some women and not others. However, the female friend in the article is right. A man doesn't marry a woman simply because of what she does and doesn't do. A man marries a woman because he wants marriage. Sometimes a man picks a good mate, and sometimes he doesn't. ***Whenever I hear men complain about their ex(es), the first thing that comes to my mind is, "You're the one who pursued her and chose her. There were great women but you didn't choose them." Again, men are the pursuers so if they get a sour one then they only have themselves to blame.

Anyways, the link confirms everything our mother, grandmother and aunts have been telling us for years.

- older men who have been bachelors most of their lives are least likely to marry
- men whose been in at least one long-term relationship without marriage is a stringer and least likely to marry
- divorced men are more likely to (re)marry than never before-married men
- there is an age window when a man desires to get married

There are a lot more key points in the article. It doesn't mean that men don't want to have relationships. They do, but they just don't want the full commitment. However, a woman's biological clock is different so they can't allow a man to waste their best years.

8

Marriage & Family Life / Re: What should you do if you're the married friend?

« on: May 01, 2024, 08:51:17 AM »

Karma always get them.

People who do this do not go on to find peace. They will keep repeating the pattern with unsuspecting victims. That's why it's so important to always pay attention to their relationship history.

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Marriage & Family Life / Re: Do you need to know everything about your spouse?

« on: April 30, 2024, 04:38:33 PM »

Didn't there used to be a Mr. Perfect username?

Anyways, some people are more shady than others. It will be very hard to trust them.

For example, I know a person who does a lot of stupid things that upset me but I don't feel betrayed. The lack of trust I have is because of his incompetency.

There is another person who is competent and to my knowledge has not done the foolish things like the other person. However, I don't emotionally trust him because he is manipulative. His stories never add up and I felt things were off. I've come to learn that he isn't a person of integrity and screws over a lot of people including those who are closest to him.   

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Marriage & Family Life / Re: Hnub no tshaj ntuj rig...

« on: April 30, 2024, 04:25:36 PM »

Lawv ib txhia mus nyob tom tsev laj cuj lawm na.

That's why koj thiaj li tsis pom lawv lawm los. 

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General Relationship / Re: A man who wants stability always know what he's looking for...

« on: April 30, 2024, 03:38:29 PM »

Oh, I see. Yes, letting a woman know that she can emotionally trust you is a good thing.

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General Relationship / Re: BNM…. you think the single hmong divorce mother DEEDA THAO will find another hus

« on: April 30, 2024, 03:35:34 PM »

Who is Deeda Thao? Is she the singer?

For every single mother there is a single father.

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General Relationship / Re: Best relationship advice

« on: April 29, 2024, 09:14:13 PM »

too many relationships today are transactional. no longer mutual and genuinely reciprocal. That my friends, is the root cause of such high divorce rates.....choo se wisely, your happiness and time depends on it.....

I think they call it "codependency". Some people stay because there are children involved and they've built up too much assets to throw away. But unmarried people living together who can't separate even though the situationship has run it's course are just broken. They're now in it just for vengeance.

14

General Relationship / Re: You'll have your dream guy when you look for these things:

« on: April 29, 2024, 09:08:38 PM »

It's not really chasing but more like initiating and showing leadership qualities.

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General Relationship / Re: A man who wants stability always know what he's looking for...

« on: April 29, 2024, 09:07:42 PM »

Oh I had one or two of those shots. I can't pass up on this one now. But what if I want the doe not the buck. lol I can't shoot something I want as a pet. Lol guess if I can get it to eat off from my hand then I don't need to manipulate or shoot it.  Lol

That is manipulation.