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Messages - Believe_N_Me

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1
No. Don't stay with someone and make excuses for them just because they have an illness. This guy that I know from years ago did something really offensive that left me feeling a bad type of way. In all my years, nobody in my life had made me feel like that. To this day, he is unchanged. In fact, he is even worse because his aging amplifies it. Turns out that he has a disorder that triggers something in him. Nonetheless, I don't care what his triggers are because how he chooses to act is still a choice. 

2
Iím telling yall
From my experience
Everytime i go down there

 ;D ;D ;D

If they're so racist and you're so offended then why do you keep going there?

The most racism I've ever experienced is in woke liberal areas. Every time they talk about diversity, the first thing they suggest is "low income" because that is how they view non-whites. The non-whites always have to express how proud they are of their race and how they have to shut down racism despite living in isolation with only their ethnic group and only knowing woke white folks.

One time I was at a workshop and an older black woman in her 50s expressed how proud she was as a black woman and couldn't wait to see the day when she didn't have to deal with racism. "Lady, you live in a predominantly black town. Your entire neighborhood is black. Your mayor is black, your school superintendent is black, the teachers are black, the sheriff is black (female), the chief judge is black, etc. etc. The few white folks you come into contact with hare woke white liberals who bow down to you. You are one brainwashed nutjob.  :idiot2:"

Oh, I see, this dummy doesn't like what someone outside of her daily life said about her skin color. ----> sounds like hmgRock.  :idiot2:

3
Marriage & Family Life / The type of man that will make a good husband
« on: April 15, 2024, 04:17:42 PM »
A lot of relationship sites tend to list off character traits that point to what makes a man a good husband, but what they don't list is that a man needs to be a "builder" - a term that relationship coach, Jonathan Aslay, uses.

Men who are looking to build a stable life tend to want marriage, are more committed to their wife, and make a better husband. They realize that in order to have a happy, peaceful and successful life, one needs to build it. Therefore, they place a lot of value in the things that they've built and are least likely to sabotage it. For lack of a better word, one can look at it this way: builders are creating and acquiring assets. They see value in marriage because they are looking for a trusting partner to help them oversee these possessions.

So if you're dating a man who doesn't express interest in putting down roots followed up with actions, this could mean that he doesn't have it in him to be in a marriage. Even if he enters one, it doesn't mean he knows what to do or will keep it because he isn't building anything so when the relationship sours, he doesn't feel like he has anything to save.

There are men who want to spend time and behave like a husband because they like the comfort it brings BUT they don't have it in them to actually be in a commitment and they will discard you when it no longer feels good to them. These are men who are in the relationship because of how the woman makes them "feel" and the benefits he gets from her. These are not men looking for a life mate to help them build and protect assets. 

4
I was surprised when Joy Behar confronted Gov. Kathy Hochul about NY's lenient laws on bail. According to the NY transit director, 20% of crimes were committed by the same perps. If only NY would lock up these criminals, that would resolve 20% of crimes occurring in the subway stations.


5
Another true story.

When I was in high school I knew a couple who was coerced to marry because the girl visited the boyfriend and since he didn't drive, she couldn't find a ride home. Since the boy came from a single parent household (mom only), he was very scared of the consequences, but his clan members saw this as a convenient opportunity for him to get married. Needless to say, they got married. Unfortunately, the girl was never really in love or attracted to the boy and she only agreed to be his girlfriend because she wanted to feel cool. Keep in mind, they were only 15 years old so of course this is the mentality of some teenagers.

Anyways, right off the bat she was very cold and behaved as though she were a single girl. Throughout their entire marriage she would go off without him and even invite herself to hang out with men from her workplace, such as going fishing with them. She has even traveled out of state with people unbeknownst to the husband. These men didn't seem to be sexually interested her (but who really knows what happens out of sight). The mother-in-law didn't meddle because she was having her own drama, and she also knew that her son have challenges so the fact that he had a wife was good enough for her.

Decades later and this couple is still "married". The wife once told me the reason she stayed was because she didn't want the stigma of being a "divorcee". But most of all, the husband didn't complain about her having freedom while he was taking care of everything. This was a great arrangement for her.

There are some people who intentionally marry for this exact reason. They don't marry a person whom they're in love with. They marry someone who will manage the household, take care of their aging parents, and participate at clan gatherings, all the while they go out and have their fun. Some of the partners feel very heartbroken and experience a lot of mental anguish, while others don't complain about it because they just view this as their life. It reminds me of Olan from "The Good Earth". Wang Lung was never in love with her nor did he love her. He was cordial and transactional only. She performed her wifely duties and that was it.

6
Shout Outs & Dedications / The unread letter(s)
« on: April 15, 2024, 11:59:50 AM »
They say that journaling is the first step to healing. In this thread, write a letter or give your piece of mind to a situation that made you feel a type of way.

7
Note to any man or woman about to be a side dish for people who claim to be in a toxic relationship/marriage:

THEY ARE NEVER GOING TO LEAVE BECAUSE YOU'RE DEALING WITH A "HOBOSEXUAL". lol

Okay, maybe not a hobosexual but you gotta recognize that these people are not going to step up and be a partner who builds with you. Simply look at who they're with and why. If their partner is so abusive then why don't they just leave? Well, it's because your person lacks any type of self-sufficiency and depends on their partner to fill that gap. They'll put up with all the biatchiness so long as they don't actually have to make important decisions and do the heavy lifting. They're using your kindness and loving energy to substitute for what they will never get from their partner. Even if they do eventually leave, it isn't going to be a clean break. These cowards will actually give more ammo for their mean-spirited partner to continue the drama even years later. Do you really want that? It's obvious they choose the most "fatal attraction" type of person to commit to and now that they want to end things, they aren't going to go free. 


8
Better the devil you know, then the devil you don't know.

There was a married couple in our community where the husband detested his wife. He felt a lot of vitriol towards her, and she hated him, too. He had a side chick whom he wouldn't marry because the wife was one of those "heev heev" type and therefore, it would've been too much drama for him. As if there wasn't already drama.  ::)  Btw, the side chick was an older single woman who couldn't bear children so she was a perfect option for the husband. Anyways, the husband coped by working all the time and then on weekends he'd go hunting and fishing all day and night. Just to show how much the husband didn't want to be in the marriage, he wouldn't even stay for their own family gatherings. No one ever saw much of him except as he was leaving for work. This guy loved over-time or something, and since he was a white-collar professional, he always used work an excuse not to be home. And then of course, hunting was his coping mechanism for stress.  ::)

The wife wasn't a great person either. She was highly critical of the husband and berated him at every opportunity. Then she would weaponize his reactions by talking in public about how bad he was, and how he didn't love her. This went on for decades until his health deteriorated and he had a stroke. At that point, he was really at her mercy and that's when she would gloat. She provoked fights by bringing up the side chick, knowing that he was debilitated and couldn't speak. Every time she had to feed or bathe him, she'd say things like, "yom, cov neeg siab phem mas yeej npam tiag." One day, despite being immobilized, the husband was able to get a hold of his hunting rifle and shot himself dead.

I have no encouraging words to say to these toxic couples. The wife stayed in the marriage only because she wanted to torment him for all the times that he mistreated her. While he only stayed because despite her being "heev heev" and not someone he desired, she was the industrious type who got things done around the house. And not to mention, she was good with money, didn't cheat, and was useful to him in those ways. She also came from a good family and that also benefitted him because he had none.


9
General Relationship / Cheating: Avoidant vs. Narcissist
« on: April 15, 2024, 09:49:37 AM »
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWb6gg57i7g&list=PLTi6COY1KUltvVzi4Q2aUA8rnGn2wTjyP&index=30

Which do you find worse? Both are pretty terrible and it isn't surprising that both carry crossover traits.

Personally, I find the severe avoidant worse because you never find out until it's too late. Narcissists are typically easy to spot and only really broken, insecure people ignore the red flags. On the contrary, severe avoidants are masters at appearing like secure attachment individuals. And remember that avoidants only discard when the relationship is going great, whereas narcs are narcs through and through.

So for me, it's worse to be discarded, cheated on, ghosted, and have the rug pulled from underneath me just as things are going great vs. a narc cheating during a rocky relationship anyways. Plus, avoidants don't always physically cheat. A lot of it is emotional cheating so they will gaslight you to make you think you're insecure and jealous. I know a severely avoidant guy who was always cheating, whether he was cheating while in a relationship, or cheating with others while he was single. He'd cheat with single, divorced, widowed, and even married women - claiming that he was just there to listen to their problems.  ::) But he often went further than just listen to their problems. 

10
The Hmong language does not use gender pronouns. We only have "nws"/"nwg" (it). There are no he/she, him/her, his/hers. We also don't have masculine or feminine nouns like French and Spanish just to name a few examples.

11
General Relationship / Re: "Hobosexual"
« on: April 09, 2024, 03:41:46 PM »
LMAO!!!

I thought Hobosexual is those that are sexually attractive to homeless people...

Like Pedo (MAPs), Ecosexual, Coulrophilia (sexually attracted to clowns), etc etc

lol!

It seems that this term was coined by kaydoo people. Kaydoo folks are the best when it comes to terminologies.

Apparently, there are a lot of black hobosexuals. Most dynamics are that way. Welps, now there are a lot of Hmong hobosexuals, too. Just listen to those Youtube stories.

"Hobosexual" - a man who starts a relationship with a woman for the purpose of having a place to live.

12
General Relationship / Re: "Hobosexual"
« on: April 09, 2024, 11:13:17 AM »
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubFe4Nq7ApA&t=684s

Key points she made:

- they don't help buy food
- they borrow your car
- they don't clean up after themselves
- they come and go as they please, disappear for days sometimes
- they talk badly about you behind your back
- they use up your resources and do not refill unless you ask
- they are takers and users
- they will drain you and when they're done, they move on
- if they help pay rent or bills, they're always late
- they actually don't like you
- some of them look great on the outside and like they have their act together, but do not have anything to give you
- they act like they're doing you a favor by keeping you company
- it's actually harder to kick them out than you think
- "Watch people's pattern. It will tell you everything about them."
- Just accept them for who they currently are and not the potential you see in them. If they're a bum now, then they won't help themself if you're doing the work.

13
So on the subject of hobosexuals, I was listening to a Nancy Yang story about a divorcee in her mid 40s. She remarried to a divorced guy who was about 5 years older. After he got laid off he decided to apply for disability instead of trying to get another job. Would he really qualify?

I didn't think this generation of Hmong would settle for that since many of them speak English and went through the public school system. They would've had some work training and picked up skills. Needless to say, the marriage was rocky and they divorced after only a little more than a year of marriage.   

14
Narcissists tend to have avoidant attachment disorder. It's like the two go hand in hand:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLfJeNCir9Y&list=PLTi6COY1KUltvVzi4Q2aUA8rnGn2wTjyP&index=16


15
General Relationship / Re: Discard vs. Breakup
« on: April 08, 2024, 04:35:11 PM »
Here watching more videos about discard and breakup with a narc/avoidant.

I get the impression that the main reason people struggle to heal from these relationships is because the narc/ (DA/FA) avoidant manipulated them into ignoring their boundaries and now these people feel used after they're blindsided.

Avoidants don't even make sense when they discard a person. They always claim that the person had toxic tendencies yet continued to play house with them. I also refuse to believe that they didn't see the toxic behaviors from the beginning. If the person didn't have toxic behavior then the avoidant will make up a bs excuse that the timing just wasn't right. Um...that isn't a good reason to ghost someone whom you've been getting along really well with, told them that you love them, and even asked to take the relationship to the next level.

Let's just call it what it is. Avoidants are players just like narcs. They're just better at the game because they come off like such a nice person in the beginning. The sooner you accept that both have a behavior disorder, the sooner you can heal. Love them from afar but why would you want to burden yourself with someone's disorder that makes them a nasty person? These people aren't going to get you to where you want to be in life (and I don't even mean physically but mentally as well).




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