It's very interesting to connect the dots when I watch these videos about relationships. Narcissists and dismissive avoidants seem to be the most talked about since they're always creating toxic relationships and hurt people. Those who were in a connection with either one or believe that they were involved with one seek healing. Therefore, they are trying to understand how they got caught up with such a toxic connection that left them traumatized. Why them? What did they ever do to deserve such mistreatment? It's hard to fathom how anyone can be this inconsiderate and discard someone whom they were just so happy with the day before. It is easier to understand and heal when you identify the types that narcs/DAs target.
So here are the 4 types:
1. The trophy. This person is very physically attractive. I know beauty is subjective but this would be someone considered physically attractive. It could be the way they dress, the way they carry themselves, and how they appear externally. For example: someone who places a lot of importance in their appearance could be considered attractive even if they're not naturally beautiful/handsome.
2. The go-getter. This person has a go-getter attitude. They might have an impressive college degree or career. They usually like to be in charge and want things done their way. They're not easy to get along with and are very critical. But they are tolerated because they end up doing the work due to their pickiness, and the narcissist/DA likes this because it means less work for them. They might not appreciate the bickering and judgmental remarks but the way they look at it is, "hey, as long as I don't have to take out the trash or do the dishes. I'll just tune her out."
3. The doormat. This person will take abuse and mistreatment from the narcissist/DA. Abuse in the form of cheating, flirting, gaslighting, stonewalling, breadcrumbing, etc. They might not like what's happening. They might complain, nag, and incite a lot of arguments. One may say this relationship is the most toxic because it is so one-sided. But this person will never leave and instead, continue giving benefits to the narcissist/DA. Benefits include and are not limited to: financial support, cook and clean, doing favors, etc.
4. The bootlicker. This person frequently sides with the narc/DA. They compliment and praise the narc/DA. They are always understanding and siding with the narc/DA. The narc/DA likes to come to them with their problems because they will validate the narc/DA. They rarely voice their real opinion because it will only be confrontationa
l.
Being in a connection with a narc/DA is no joke. It can send a person into years of therapy and leave them a shell of a person.
In my experience, nothing was worse then an entanglement to someone with strong narc and DA traits. It was enough for me to spot the tell-tale signs. Listen to your intuition. Narc/DAs will start giving you anxiety. That's not you being paranoid.
I've been in serious relationships that ended in breakups because they crossed the line. But even so, those experiences didn't make me feel discarded and devalued. I never felt unloved, used, deceived or discarded - before or after the breakup. I chalked up those incidents as my exes making a bad mistake that killed the vibe. But that was it. Nothing that left me traumatized even though what they did was pretty horrible and even immoral.
People make mistakes! With a lot of self-reflection and accountability, they can change and have. But not those with narc/DA traits. It is who they are and they will leave a path of destruction with every person whom they have a romantic interest in.
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