It's not a good idea to marry if...

[Believe_N_Me]

...you know of or are too acquainted with their ex.

[Believe_N_Me]

I grew up in a small community. If you're divorced or breakup with someone in that same town, you pretty much had to date/marry an out-of-towner because everybody was too xu xu siab.

[Prude]

The family circle creates a bubble of comfort that many can't
pierce through.

It's very hard to break the ice with a total stranger from another
part of the world.

[Believe_N_Me]

But it can also create a lot of arguments with the new spouse especially if the ex and their family is always in the picture.

I actually experienced the fallout of a clan because of this very situation. I won't say which clan, but it seems that the Hmong of this particular region in Laos really like to stick with their own.

[Prude]

We Hmong don’t know enough about relationships.  We think
that family connections will force the couple together forever.
But in practice, the connections don’t work to that end. When a couple
is fed up with each other, no connection will stop them from breaking up.

Then they don’t care to keep the clans together anymore.

We need to understand that and stop that practice.

What’s troublesome to me is how the couple find romance in each other
when they are that close. How do they feel sexually attracted to each other in
the most special and romantic way?

[Believe_N_Me]

A lot of people get used to each other. They've grown accustomed to living together. They don't love each other romantically but they can tolerate each other enough to stay together in name. Sometimes they aren't even living together and only convene in the same space once in awhile. I can see couples who have family relations doing this and it must not be so hard as they already share family and social circle.

There was that couple who has been married for 38 years but living in two different houses for the past 10 years. That couple was not Hmong but there are a lot of Hmong couples who have a similar living arrangement.