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General Discussion / Re: Photo share: KC legs from Russia vs our claw breaker, my wife prefers
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"It's Mentally Exhausting." Married Women Are Revealing The Difficulties Of Marriage That No One Talks About
Married men recently opened up about the difficulties of marriage they never expected, so of course, we wanted to hear a different point of view. When we recently asked married women of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the "hardest parts" of marriage that surprised them the most, they gave candid answers about their struggles, hard lessons, and realizations. Here's what they had to say:
1."Carrying the burden. Men are not raised to raise a family, do housework, or pay attention to anyone else's needs. They are raised to believe that all they have to do is work and then come home and do nothing. I work two jobs, have raised two children, do literally everything in the house, and it's mentally exhausting. I'm exhausted from constantly telling my husband what needs to be done to the point where I just do it myself and move on. It's ridiculous."
"I can't decide if men do this on purpose to get out of everything or if they are seriously that damn dumb and backwards. Either way, being married is like having a child that never grows up. And I know everyone isn't this way — but my marriage is."
—amandaharris1
A couple stand sin a narrow hallway, talking intensely
Anchiy / Getty Images
2."You have to be prepared to be willing and open to speak about two of the toughest topics: finances and the circumstances around death. It's the worst, but you have to know how to survive without the other. Financially, if you have significant differences in pay, you need to figure out what 'equal' actually looks like in the home. This can be ugly if you're with someone unable to see the bigger picture, or selfish."
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—Anonymous, 26, UK
3."It's hard to coexist with someone all day, every day sometimes. It's the little things! Like leaving the cupboards open or not putting things where YOU want them to go. It's amazing, and I love being married, but no one tells you about the little idiosyncrasies you have to get used to!"
—Anonymous, 25, California
4."I married for the second time a week ago, so I'll speak on my first marriage. I just felt like I had higher expectations of my partner than when we were dating. For him, nothing changed but legality, but for me, having the title of wife was a big deal. I was able to grow and evolve with the relationship, and I guess it's on me that I was expecting him to do the same. He didn't, and he still hasn't."
"We weren't super young when we got married (25 and 26) and had been together for eight-ish years, but it seemed like he still acted 18, and I had grown a lot."
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—Anonymous, 34, Canada
Person sitting on a couch wearing a chunky knit sweater and jeans, holding a delicate ring in their fingers
Grace Cary / Getty Images
5."When you marry the wrong man and don't realize it for 38 years. I sometimes wonder what I would have done with all those years if I'd walked a different path."
—momsequitur
6."Sexual incompatibilit y. It ebbs and flows throughout the years. More people than you think live in sexless marriages."
—Anonymous, 56, Massachusetts
7."The hardest part is planning everything, coordinating everything, and never being surprised or gifted anything. I've been married for two years and have been with my husband for seven. Guess who has had to plan everything for our birthdays and anniversaries. Guess who doesn't get complimented unless she prompts her husband. Guess who has to make a list down to the letter to get a birthday or Christmas present. More women need to know just how little effort men can get away with putting into marriages."
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—Anonymous, 25, Virginia
Woman with curly hair sitting pensively on a sofa, holding phone, surrounded by wrapped gifts and a small decorative tree
Riska / Getty Images
8."Marriage takes commitment every single day. You have to communicate every day. You have to show your love in some way every day. You need to make sure you agree on the important things (kids, faith, goals, money, family) BEFORE you get married. You will absolutely hurt each other at some point; no one is perfect. Your spouse is not responsible for your happiness, but your marriage is the responsibility of both of you."
"If you have children, the BEST thing you can do for them is to have a happy marriage, so make that a priority. It takes compromise and communication. I've learned to put God first, and your spouse second."
—Anonymous, 46, Florida
9."Their mental health will affect your life. For better or worse. You can't fix them."
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—Anonymous, 33, South Carolina
10."Many people won't want to hear this, but there are no hard parts if it's right. I've been married twice. The first time wasn't the right person. It was difficult, tiring. We had the same arguments over and over. My second marriage: No hard parts. We've been together 17 years, and every moment is a joy. It's easy, fun, passionate, and supportive. It's everything I dreamed of and more."
—Anonymous, 43, UK
A woman in an elegant off-shoulder wedding dress holding a bouquet, smiling while looking out a window
Artur Debat / Getty Images
11."The sadness I feel with my husband not putting in any effort anymore. It's like when we got married, he thought he didn't need to try anymore. No nice gifts, no thank you, no cooking, and no effort. I stay for the kids, but it's a very lonely and sad marriage."
—Anonymous, 35, Canada
12."Never being alone. My husband traveled for work, averaging one week per month. Then, he retired, and I'm never alone for more than an hour or two. I didn't realize how much I needed alone time."
—superchicken44
13."The hardest part: age. Second marriage for us both. We are older adults, having met as we both retired. Now that we're married, we're facing going from a hot relationship to age-related issues with health. It has impacted the formerly sexy relationship. I don't think either of us considered the road we were heading toward."
—bubblytrout185
Older couple sits together holding a walking cane, hands gently resting on each other, symbolizing support and companionship
RUNSTUDIO / Getty Images
14."Expectation of sex. It becomes expected. The spontaneity and emotional part of it disappears. It becomes a role act."
—Anonymous, 57, Arkansas
15."Sometimes, you discover things about your spouse that you never knew, and it can potentially be enough to make you rethink who you chose to spend your life with. I have heard of women finding out about arrests and criminal records that had been expunged. I have heard about women finding out about medical issues their spouse had hidden for many years that deeply impact the marriage."
"It's not to say we don't all have some form of skeleton in our closets, but some things are too much for anyone to handle."
—Anonymous, 39
16."Losing your independence — putting your life on hold to raise children, and then when they're grown up, you don't feel wanted anymore."
—Anonymous, 75, UK
And finally...
17."Learning there is a fine line between compromise and bending until you break. In my first marriage, I had to eliminate my wants and desires for the marriage to exist. He had to be the only one with needs; everything was flipped as my fault. After years of bashing, I listened to his definition of my worth. I lost myself."
"Now, I am in a much healthier (and happier) relationship, and we see and respect each other for who we are."
—Anonymous, 46, Massachusetts
Person in a contemplative mood holding an engagement ring, wearing a casual button-up shirt
Dragana991 / Getty Images
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
Married women, what are the "hardest parts" of marriage that surprised you the most? Tell us in the comments, or if you prefer to remain anonymous, you can use the form below.
My husband is bad at sex — how do I break the news?
After years of disappointment, I finally found the man of my dreams. How do I tell him he isn’t doing certain things right in the bedroom without it being uncomfortable? I have mentioned it before, but it didn’t stick. This is the only problem with our relationship. I don’t want to hurt his feelings or make either one of us uncomfortable, but he’s just not getting the job done.
'The Fight of the Century': How Jack Johnson vs. Jim Jeffries inflamed a nation 115 years ago on the Fourth of July
The July 4, 1910 fight resulted in riots, mayhem, murder — and also the unprecedented legal persecution of boxing's first Black heavyweight champion
Left hand?
Left or right hand?
Your wife is your hand. Thank goodness you actually did by showing some part of your wife (the thumb).![]()
that’s expensive dog
egg is still $4/dozen
i'm almost a millionaire guys...no clickbait post....click to learn
i don’t even know what RALEYS is
is that west coast store
good point......whe re hmgrock doesn't get out much, so one little thing intrigue him.
I've been to the midwest and houses do have wooden fences. You don't get out much from the basement other than P'ing in the snow lol.
Trump Begs Republicans to Pass His Bill Because He’s Always Right About Everything
Congress is barreling toward a knife-edge vote on President Donald Trump’s spending proposals and he is feeling the pressure.
“Our Country will make a fortune this year, more than any of our competitors, but only if the Big, Beautiful Bill is PASSED!” he wrote in an early morning Truth Social post Wednesday.
“As they say, Trump’s been right about everything, and this is the easiest of them all to predict,” he went on. “Republicans, don’t let the Radical Left Democrats push you around. We’ve got all the cards, and we are going to use them.”
The president’s post comes after the Senate cleared his gargantuan spending bill by barely a hair with just 51-50 votes, and as the proposals now make their way toward an equally fractious House ahead of a self-imposed deadline of Friday.
A number of GOP Reps have taken issue with changes made to the legislation by the upper house, described by Arizona’s Andy Biggs as “amazingly bad stuff” that had rendered the bill, in the words of his Tennessee counterpart Andy Ogles, a “dud.”
Even stalwart MAGA loyalist Marjorie Taylor Greene has expressed reservations about the vote. While the Georgia congresswoman says she largely supports the president’s proposals, she’s lamented the “dire situation” that’s now seen Congress facing “a lot of pressure” to get the measures through before the deadline, adding the whole thing is fast turning into a “s--tshow.”
Severe weather has posed another obstacle, with storms and headwinds grounding a number of D.C.-area flights on Tuesday to leave representative s scrambling to get back to the Capitol in time to cast their votes, which could be held as early as Wednesday afternoon.
“Driving through the night to make votes,” South Carolina Congresswoman Nancy Mace posted Tuesday night, accompanied by photos of her on the road while also, somewhat inexplicably, wearing pink-heart spotted pajamas.
“Flights up and down the East Coast are being canceled, but I’m not going to chance being stuck in Myrtle Beach in this historic opportunity,” her fellow South Carolina Representative Russel Fry wrote, after his flight into D.C. from Myrtle Beach was cancelled.