If this has ever happened to you, DO NOT sweat it.
From my own experience and observations of others who went through this, monsters don't know how to cultivate a healthy relationship because they tend to be egotistical, sneaky people who don't want to answer to anybody. They will never commit to a healthy person because it requires them to change, to do better, to show up, to be transparent, and to be fully committed. What they're looking for is someone who they can manipulate and control, who will put up with their unhealthy habits or at least doesn't cause drama when they're upset with the monster. However, if they can't find such person then they're fine committing to a toxic/broken person because then they don't have to feel guilty about their own toxic behavior. Trust me, I've heard it from the horse's mouth. Men who claimed to have such toxic exes but when asked why they kept the relationship for so long they make all sorts of excuses. But the real reason was because he was getting free bedtime and companionship along with other perks, all the while he could tell her that he would never marry her because of x, y, z. In other words, "you're good enough to sleep with and use, but I won't marry unless you change x, y, z or because you are x, y, z. Oh, but I will keep this relationship until I'm ready and done." Again, the monster feels no guilt but rather justified.
Again, monsters don't want to answer to anybody. And that's why you'll notice them in toxic relationships filled with drama and abuse, one after another, unless they can find someone easier to control.
I'll share with you all, the zombie that I dealt with - well I never took him seriously when he came back because I had already met the husband by then, who was by far a better person in every sense. But curious to see where this would lead, I kept in touch after he did all the initiating and love-bombing. He called me in the morning, at work, and at home. He really wanted to show his interest and commitment to a reconciliation so I took him up on it. Again, just to see where this would lead. I wasn't testing him or anything, just curious. And what the heck, if he was serious then I was willing to take a leap of faith.
Oh sure, the zombie talked about commitment but never took real steps toward it. And I also sensed that he was being sneaky about something. Things he said just never added up. But I didn't want to jump to conclusions. People like this, you have to let them face the fact of how horrible a person they are. It's better that way when they know, because they showed themselves, how crappy they are and unworthy to be with you.
He eventually told me that he knocked up a girl, whom he had been dating and considered his girlfriend in the 5 years that we had stopped talking and were apart. He wasn't motivated to marry her and it was getting to the point that the baby was due. He dated her for that long and still couldn't decide if he wanted to marry her when she's having his baby? I lost so much respect for him. What a bum. It became clear to me that this girlfriend was just a doormat for him. I felt relieved that it wasn't me! That might've happened to me if he hadn't disappeared. I gave him some friendly advice that he should give marriage a try since there was a baby on the way. Then I just stopped answering his calls and emails. His wife might have gotten him but that is not a good way to start a marriage. Who wants to be with someone who didn't really choose you to marry? This explains why his wife is irritable all the time. He didn't want her, but she's the type of woman for him. That's why he's miserable all the time.
Move forward...my cousins are married into this clan so they know a lot about him because their husbands are good friends with this dude. My cousin told me all the shady things he did and are still doing. LIKE THE FACT THAT HE NAMED A DAUGHTER AFTER ME AND ANOTHER AFTER MY OWN DAUGHTER.
He even put the move on my cousin after he and I stopped talking. His wife is still very upset about that and developed animosity towards my cousin. They can't go to family functions without tension in the room.
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