Messages

1

Online Journal / Re: letitbenonmundane

« on: August 14, 2026, 01:26:11 AM »

Life is going by way too fast!  Emphasize on "too fast!"  It makes me sad because, I wish life could slow down so it takes longer for me to turn a year older.  But it feels like I blink and another year rolled around already, another summer is almost over!  WTF!  Seriously.  Ugh.

Anyway, these last couple of days a thought has been popping up in my head. The thought is, I can't believe I am my age already!  In reality, in real life, I am my age and I am considered old now.  Grandma age even now, at least in the Hmong culture.  However!!!!  I feel like I am still young and I am still only growing and still maturing, when I should feel like I've already matured.  Sometimes when I'm writing emails or when I'm interacting with others, I feel like I am thinking with a young brain.  A brain that is still trying to impress.  Like, why am I still trying to impress people and prove something?  I'm already there!  I already made it.  I'm already old and my voice is lower now. It's no longer the high, timid voice that's seeking approval.  When I speak now, people do pay attention.  But why do I still feel like I need to prove something or I need to impress?  It's so weird!  The only explanation is that I am old in reality now but my brain is living outside my body, it's still stuck in the mid 20's to early 30's mode. It's like my brain is playing a defiance game trying to stay as young as possible for as long as possible.  But!  It's time to face reality!  I'm old now!

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Poetic Souls / Re: I Hate Hmong Boys

« on: August 14, 2026, 12:33:19 AM »

I dunno why in this life I have not found my Hmong man yet.  I guess... it's not meant to be.  Sometimes I think about the ones that got away... but, did they really though?  Because there is a reason for everything.

I sometimes think about the ones that proposed that I said no to.  What if I had said yes.

There is one in particular... I have thought about him a lot through the years.  I know he is happy now but I did hurt him when I said no back then.  But I wanted to finish college first!  I saw him one time after so many years and he was still angry.  Or he still hated me.  I feel like of all of them, he was the most genuine.  He was a really good guy.  I believe in my heart he's a good person and he's a great husband to his wife.

All I know is, I love and I appreciate so many things about being Hmong.  And if only I could have the Hmong man of my dreams, then that would add seasoning to my life and it would bring me a sense or an element of something more from life that I wish I had.  It's sad that I'll probably never have that.

So long, Hmong boy of my past who I cherish!

So long, the Hmong man of my dreams who will never come.  In a different life, may we meet and have a beautiful life together.  Meet me in college so we can get married after graduation.

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Online Journal / Re: letitbenonmundane

« on: August 14, 2026, 12:06:27 AM »

What you said can be interpreted in a couple of different ways. Feel free to elaborate if you feel like it. 

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General Relationship / Re: Is it as black and white as science though??

« on: August 06, 2026, 12:10:41 AM »

It's good Levine was able to identify and define people's different attachment styles.  Like he said, attachment styles can be different across relationships, and can even evolve over time with certain specific relationships.  Your own gravitation towards adopting a certain attachment style is also being conditioned and defined as a whole over time as well, based on the whole of your experiences with all the people who have entered your life.

My general outlook or attachment style definitely went through the stages: secure > anxious > avoidant > and now landing on disorganized.  These days, "disorganized" to me means I will give someone the same energy they give me.  No more no less.  I'm also the cause for others attachment styles as well, in that I tend to "avoid"... because, well, I don't know... I guess I enjoy my garden and my solitude too much these days.

5

Online Journal / Re: letitbenonmundane

« on: August 05, 2026, 11:34:06 PM »

I do acknowledge that there are good men out there who can give me these things:
"Someone who matches my values, someone with a solid head, someone who can carry a conversation who can talk about anything and everything, someone loyal, someone who can make me laugh, someone who looks after not only my smile but my heart as well.  Someone who will really be there, who truly loves and cares." There are definitely men like this out there but...they still won't be right for me if I don't have chemistry with them.  Finding someone I can have chemistry with who also delivers on everything else I need?  Well, again, unicorns are truly hard to come by.

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Online Journal / Re: letitbenonmundane

« on: August 05, 2026, 11:23:12 PM »

I tell my therapist that I love my solitude.  It's true.  Man, solitude is like the best exhale everrrr.  After all the shiaat I had been through with all these no good users!  Golly, men love to use me!  I don't know why.  Wait, I do know why!  It's because I'm soooo nice and kind and loving and caring.  I take such good care of them and pamper them and treat them sooo good, they think I must love being a doormat.  Well, no.  No, I don't. What I want is true love, an equal.  But I guess that is super hard to come by.  It is in extremely short supply.  How do I know they are in short supply?  Because many relationships give the illusion that the man is truly mature, loving, and caring... when it could just be that the woman is good at hiding shit.  Shit like a partner who she just puts up with because starting over is hard, and probably because he gives her something she thinks is worth staying for, like two parents for the kids, like a two-income household, like too much time invested already, etc. And then there are those women who found unicorns, aka true love and their true equal, which, this is what I want! I want someone who matches my values, someone with a solid head, someone who can carry a conversation who can talk about anything and everything, someone loyal, someone who can make me laugh, someone who looks after not only my smile but my heart as well.  Someone who will really be there, who truly loves and cares.

But, I have always only ever been able to find the ones who have not been right for me.

So, yes, deep down I'm a lover but I also have an incredible and wonderful relationship with solitude as well.  If no one is ever worthy, solitude is always worthy.

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General Discussion / Re: What's your mood--list your song

« on: August 05, 2026, 09:00:56 PM »

https://youtu.be/t9ZBGABxoJ8?is=g8DhH6WWV93wVOVC

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General Discussion / Re: What's your mood--list your song

« on: August 05, 2026, 08:38:27 PM »

I like skipping to 3:30
https://youtu.be/FWvVwAhkK08?is=Gxmxb1CGxtm8Uhrr

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General Discussion / Re: What's your mood--list your song

« on: August 05, 2026, 08:24:46 PM »

This song is so amazing.  https://youtu.be/90s61kemIk4?is=ILYfNL9v7ezf-PF2

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Online Journal / Re: letitbenonmundane

« on: February 10, 2026, 11:28:54 PM »

https://youtu.be/zRbe_0AwSqg?si=KsjeZxakH_aBCZ8P

In my next life, I hope I meet my soulmate who I can experience true love like this with.  I am happy to see that these two found each other in this lifetime.  Seeing them work together, and enjoying a simple but delicious meal together by a fire, fills me with so much warmth and happiness.  Even if I never experience what they have, it's so nice to see such a beautiful Hmong couple like them together, making the most of what this life has to offer, and taking in all of the goodness of this world... together.

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General Discussion / Re: If I were a billionaire

« on: January 10, 2026, 04:54:37 PM »

Billionaires like Trump and Musk who can never be satisfied are the worst kind of people.  Two words to describe them: 1) hollow, 2) insatiable.  These kinds of people must never be given the helm of anything, for their greed will cause a ripple effect leading to the ultimate downfall of mankind.

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General Discussion / If I were a billionaire

« on: January 10, 2026, 04:46:24 PM »

If I were a billionaire, I would never be able to spend all that money on myself.  I would put $2 million into each of my kids' investment accounts, and write them a guide on how to use that money, like, "This is all you will have, use it wisely and make it last for your entire lifetime.  There will be no more after this.  Ways to make your money last: be a good person, be humble, live simply and sustainably.  All you need is a good house, not a mansion, a basic car with good safety ratings, eat good food, preferably the ones you grow yourself.  Learn a skill and use it to make more money.  Help people."

I would not want to control any amount above $1 billion.  I will slate out $2 million for myself to use for my lifetime also.

The rest, I will use on the needy and the poor, but each person I help must demonstrate merit.  I will not help the people who chose to be reckless with the opportunities they had, which led them down a bad path of ultimately being poor, etc.  If they can demonstrate that they've made efforts but they just could never catch a break or get any luck/promotions to help them move up in life, then I will help them, and they must sign an agreement that they will use the money toward basic necessities like housing, food, and medical, or they will have to return my money in full. I will not fund any lavish lifestyle for anyone.  Luxuries are not a necessity and it's all greed and excessive indulgence.  If they want luxuries, they can attain that for themselves.

I will also help hire people I trust to work in orphanages or in organizations that help needy people.  I will make sure the money I use for those purposes actually are spent on those purposes, there will be paper trail and real proof that the money is getting spent the correct way.

If I should be lucky to have more than $1 billion, I will buy fertile land that's for sale anywhere in the world, hire people to grow food, then send the food to poor people.

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Online Journal / Re: letitbenonmundane

« on: January 10, 2026, 04:09:29 PM »

*its

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Online Journal / Re: letitbenonmundane

« on: January 10, 2026, 12:14:21 PM »

F*ck!  Where did 2019 go?  It feels like just yesterday but it's already been 7 years!  I swear, man, I am losing perspective of time!  7 freaking years already!  WTF!

I miss who I was 7 years ago, mon!  I still had mad hopes and dreams brewing in my heart.  Now, I just feel dead!  Like, whaat is the f*cking point?

Maybe it's everything combined that happened before 2019 with a shitty marriage, everything from the last 7 years with covid, Trump and the MAGA cult, 5 years of home renovations, dealing with a difficult teenage girl, etc etc, has all overwhelmed me to the point of feeling so lifeless now!

I don't have any passions or energy anymore, and I hate that so much! 

I really feel that, I should just not care about some things anymore. Like, the world could burn outside and the fire will eventually make it's way to me but until then, I should just act like everything is just great!  Who cares if the world comes crashing down, be wild, be crazy!!!   It beats this feeling of low energy and lifelessness!

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Poetic Souls / Re: I Hate Hmong Boys

« on: January 10, 2026, 11:18:34 AM »

Hey, majority of Hmong men, tell me this
Why do you give up your queen for another
When she stood by your side from the early years
She was there in the beginning
When you had nothing
She worked hard to achieve your dreams
She sacrificed so much
And gave up everything for you
Her beauty queen body,
For children to bear your name
She worked a day job,
Then right away started a night job
Of cooking and cleaning and tending
To you and your children for years
She barely got enough rest before
Everything reset and that's been her life
But she didn't complain, she didn't mind
With sore bones and calloused hands
She was ready to go at it again and again
Because she loved you and your children
But you didn't think twice about her sacrifices
All you wanted before you was a pretty thing
Not realizing the wife before you
Was the real deal, she went with you
Through thick and thin,
Her love and sacrifices were worth more than gold
But you made your queen sad
You broke her heart and made her cry
Hmong men, I won't feel bad for you
Karma comes for everyone, I am told

(Dedicated to the Hmong men who trade their Hmong queens for niam mos ab's)