Messages

61

General Discussion / Re: Damn, is life tough for you too?

« on: September 27, 2021, 10:26:46 AM »

It's tough for me because:
- Ever since I was little, it's been a tough life.
- I thought the guy I married would help make life easier but he only made it worse and I wasted 20+ years of energy and time on him.  I am still paying for the repercussions of choosing to marry him.
- I can't help being who I am because of what I went through.  If I don't smile all the time, I can't help it.  That's how life shaped me.  But I also understand that who I am, is not what a lot of people deserve either.  I wish I could always be chipper and happy but that's not me.  I feel bad for the people in my life because I hardly ever receive opportunities to smile.  But it doesn't mean that I don't love them.  It just means that I am working hard, every day, to survive.  I wish I could be someone else sometimes so that I can smile more often.  But damn it, I can't be someone else!

62

General Discussion / Damn, is life tough for you too?

« on: September 27, 2021, 10:13:36 AM »

Damn it, man!  Why does life have to suck for so many of us?!!!  I want to know!  Like, some people don't wake up and choose a crappy life.  Or, people don't choose to be born and suffer every day of their life!  OF COURSE! People make their own luck and their own way and create their own happiness.  BUT!  You have to admit that, for some people, the stars seem to be aligned better for them than for others.  For others, it's one shit show after the next.  It's so friggin' tiring!  I swear!

So, is life tough for you too?  If life is NOT tough for you, well, damn!  Good for you!      If it's tough for you, tell me why and how it's tough for you.  Thanks!

63

General Relationship / Re: How do you know when she/he is "the one"

« on: September 27, 2021, 09:47:26 AM »

I was just having fun w/ this thread..  Truth is, yes, the one is someone you love and loves you back.

True.  "The one" is someone you love who loves you back, who makes you happy by communicating effectively with you, who compromises on differences, who takes action to show you they truly care about you.  Because love alone is not enough.

64

General Relationship / Re: If you could start over again would you be with the person you are with?

« on: September 27, 2021, 09:44:49 AM »

I really wish I could say yes. I really wish it could be different, but things are what they are. ..so no. Knowing what I know, I would have made different decisions. The decisions I made would led me to someone else.

Yeah, only if we knew then what we know now, right?  Life is such a gamble sometimes.  We  often don't know what we're getting ourselves into.  At the moment it sounded nice but as time goes by, things are revealed to us, and we wish we knew then what we know now.  What sucks is, time waits for no one.  If we make a mistake going with someone, who's to say we won't make a mistake with the next person too?  I mean, we'll be smarter and wiser and know more of what we want and learn to be smarter at looking out for the signs regarding if someone is right for us or not... but people change every day, every week, month, year, etc.  Who we get now is not always who we get later and vice versa.  So, again, it's always a gamble.  You just go with someone who meets most of the things on your list and hope for the best really.  Kinda a dim view but it's the truth.  The couple who can still say "it's great" are just the lucky ones... they're lucky to end up with someone who continues on the same path as them, who has the same goals, etc, and if not, the couple is willing to make compromises and sacrifices to stay together.  That is all that we can hope for.  Someone who will choose us every day despite the changes that we all go through.

65

General Relationship / Re: What do men want from their women

« on: September 27, 2021, 09:32:51 AM »

If men know what they want from their women, then there wouldn't be so many divorces and Hmong marrying a second or third wife. By the time they know what they want in a woman, then it is already too late because they are already deep in the marriage with her. That's because most men don't really know what they want until they are older. It is really a qi muag yuav. Man marry the woman whom he thought is the one that he wants because she has all of the qualities that he thought he wants. So until men reach a certain age where they start to really look inside them, know who they really are, and what they really want out of life, then it is just a dang she is hot, I gotta hit that thang mentality  .

Sounds about right.  Could apply to women too.

66

General Relationship / Re: Who should be the head of the family (husband or wife)?

« on: September 27, 2021, 09:31:32 AM »

who's ever willing to make the most sacrifice.

I agree with this. 

67

Marriage & Family Life / Re: Life After Divorce

« on: September 27, 2021, 09:30:34 AM »

The biggest challenge after a divorce for me is, my kids not having both their mom and dad in the same house.  That's it.  Other than that, so much better without him than with him.

68

General Discussion / Re: China Government says no to effeminate men

« on: September 03, 2021, 06:10:11 PM »

Sounds almost like an Onion article but then it sounds legit also.

Umm, I do see a lot of (and not just some) South Korean and Japanese singers and actors acting and looking unmanly--this is based on my definition of what "unmanly" is.  But have no fear, there's a sector of society that accepts effeminate men because they believe in accepting everyone as they are.  But, remember, too, that there are still many people on the other side of the spectrum who are reluctant to accepting effeminate men because it doesn't agree with them.  These people's views should be respected also, right?

I see effeminate men as wanting to bend the rules--they don't want to be seen as neither men nor women.  But, people have to remember that the lines of what it means to be a man vs a woman have been defined for a long time.  Not everyone is comfortable with seeing a rise in effeminate men.  to some people, effeminate men do not convey "strength" and "masculinity".  Maybe people want to feel protected?  And if they are surrounded by a lot of effeminate men, it makes them feel unsafe against enemy men from the outside who do show strength and muscle?

Anyway, it boils down to the question of, How important is it to follow social norms?  If not important, is it OK for adults to act like children and for children to act like adults?  Is it OK for people to act like apes?  LOL.  I don't know.

69

General Relationship / Re: Who should be the head of the family (husband or wife)?

« on: September 02, 2021, 03:39:01 PM »

Totally.  I see the same things as you do, Dok_Champa.  Hmong people still see the man as the head of the household.  A lot of other cultures think the same way too, that men are the head of the households.

For me, it's OK by me if he is the head of the family to the public.  He can be the spokesperson for the family as long as he is competent spokesperson.    If he is the head and the representative for the family, I don't mind massaging his feet.  LOL.  Because being the head is exhausting work.  But if I have to relieve him sometimes in being the head, that's fine too.  In the house though, I want us as equals.  We are both at the top of our household, and not one above the other.  But it does make me feel good to know that he is smarter, stronger, more capable than me.  LOL.  When the zombies come, I want him to carry me and our kids to safety.  I won't be able to do it.

70

General Relationship / Re: What do men want from their women

« on: September 02, 2021, 03:09:40 PM »

A man once told me Hmong has this phrase "hlub & fwm"...man wants fwm and woman wants hlub so woman fwm men and men hlub woman.

Without fwm, no hlub..

Cool concept.  I agree.

71

General Relationship / Re: Who should be the head of the family (husband or wife)?

« on: September 02, 2021, 03:07:30 PM »

I think it should be 50/50 in general.  There are areas where the husband is stronger and areas where the wife is stronger.  Each should take charge in the areas where they are stronger.

For myself, I would personally prefer for him to be the head when it comes to leading in physical strength and being the defender for the family.  I don't want those roles.  When it comes to making tough decisions, though, we should both lead.  When it comes to creating warmth for and in the family, the wife could take charge because women are generally more gentle and loving.  But generally speaking, it's attractive to me when my s/o is intelligent, capable of leading and protecting and providing for the family.

72

General Relationship / Who should be the head of the family (husband or wife)?

« on: September 02, 2021, 02:49:16 PM »

Even with modern thoughts where gender equality and a good balance of 50/50 between the wife and the husband are valued, do you still summarize in the end, that the man should be the head of the family?  Or, do you think it should be the woman?  Or do you think both should be the head?

73

General Relationship / Re: What do men want from their women

« on: September 02, 2021, 02:43:19 PM »

Anyway, what do you think?

What do men want from their women?

74

General Relationship / What do men want from their women

« on: September 02, 2021, 02:42:06 PM »

I happened upon this youtube video where a Hmong pastor was preaching to couples on Valentine's Day.  Towards the end of the video, he said that men really wants a woman who 1) listens to him and does what he says, 2) doesn't speak ahead of her husband. 

#1 is fine.  Both need to listen to each other and do the things that the other person wants.

#2, though, I dunno.  I think it doesn't matter who speaks first at all.  But the pastor seems to imply that if the woman speaks first, it will make others disrespect her husband because it makes it seem like she is the head and not the husband.  I think people who think that men should always speak first before their wives at events, have a backwards mentality because, again, it doesn't matter who speaks first.  But, if one of the spouses fights to speak first all the time because of a sense of self-importance, that is super unattractive.  When someone fights to speak first or doesn't give other people the chance to speak and weigh in, they probably have an ego issue.  It doesn't matter who it is, anyone with an ego issue is unattractive.  But the general idea that the pastor was trying to convey was that women should let their men speak first at events vs them (the women) speaking first.  That's such a sexist and backwards mentality.  I don't agree with that.

75

Online Journal / Re: letitbenonmundane

« on: September 02, 2021, 02:14:37 PM »

Kids are in school again.  Surreal.  Three months is such a short a** time. 

Anyway, I love my neighbors.  They are really cool.  My neighbors on the left are walking my son and their daughter to their bus stop in the mornings.  They have been such nice neighbors.  Both neighbors on each side of me are very nice.  They are the same age or are close to the same age as me and their kids are around the same age as my kids too--that's cool.  The neighbor on the right asked me if I wanted to borrow their lawn mower when I was struggling with my lawn mower that one time.  I love that there are a lot of home owners around my age living in my neighborhood.  My neighbor on the left says that that's their forever home and that's where they will retire.  I feel the same way about my house too.  It'll be nice to grow old with my neighbors.

My kids' schools are really nice.  They still look new.  Well-designed and looks super modern on the insides.  Their schools were the main reasons why we moved to our current house.