PebHmong Discussion Forum
Relationship => Marriage & Family Life => Topic started by: YAX on November 19, 2018, 02:20:03 PM
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How much do you love your husband?
Is your love unconditional?
So anyway...If your husband came to you and confessed that he cheated on you, maybe, not once, but several times with several different woman, but he has since realized he was wrong to do so and asks for your forgiveness. Even begged for your forgiveness. Keep in mind, you never knew or suspected this, he just confessed on his own because he felt he's a changed man. Would you forgive him or kick him out for cheating on you?
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It's tough. People have to do what's comfortable for them. I believe in second chances but not third. Fool me once and maybe twice but third, no.
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It's tough. People have to do what's comfortable for them. I believe in second chances but not third. Fool me once and maybe twice but third, no.
That sounds like a "depends"reply .... with the "It's tough" and "maybe" stuff... ;D O0
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Sadly in the Hmong society with a traditional sense, Hmong women don't really have much of a say in the matter as married men can have mistresses openly and even married them as second, third, ...wife...sad but true.
Fortunately, we live in this great country where women can have equal rights and voice... O0
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Well, Depends guy, in this case, depends is the appropriate answer and there's no right or wrong way to react to this situation. Some people is first strike you're out type. I believe in second chances type. Some people believe in third and or fourth chances, but that's not me. Everybody is different.
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Sadly in the Hmong society with a traditional sense, Hmong women don't really have much of a say in the matter as married men can have mistresses openly and even married them as second, third, ...wife...sad but true.
Fortunately, we live in this great country where women can have equal rights and voice... O0
Not always true. Even in this great country, you still find women willing to be second, or third wife...AND even college grads..can you believe it! The college grad probably made decision by choice. But for many women, even in this great country of ours, they still have their own challenges, financial, etc.. and still rely on a man to get by. When a woman is independent (can take care of herself financially) she is less likely to become a 2nd wife, has more options. The road to independence/self empowerment starts with an education. Get that and the possibilities are endless (minus the second wife).
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Not always true. Even in this great country, you still find women willing to be second, or third wife...AND even college grads..can you believe it! The college grad probably made decision by choice. But for many women, even in this great country of ours, they still have their own challenges, financial, etc.. and still rely on a man to get by. When a woman is independent (can take care of herself financially) she is less likely to become a 2nd wife, has more options. The road to independence/self empowerment starts with an education. Get that and the possibilities are endless (minus the second wife).
Yep, even though women have equal rights and say in this great country, some still feel like they need to follow the primitive ways even if it bothers them...some still have a sense of hopelessness.. .instead of empowering themselves and get out of a miserable situation...sa d but true...
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Yep, even though women have equal rights and say in this great country, some still feel like they need to follow the primitive ways even if it bothers them...some still have a sense of hopelessness.. .instead of empowering themselves and get out of a miserable situation...sa d but true...
What's more primitive - the culture of this great country of ours where people can have numerous partners, have babies w/ different women and still claim to be "single" and or "monogamous" or our culture where a man is encouraged to take responsibiliti es for his own actions which means be polygamous if he's married. It teaches/enforces responsibiliti es. Bottom line: If a man doesn't want another woman, don't mess w/ one. If you mess w/ one, she's coming and sometimes coming to stay ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Loose lips, sink ships, Don't do it. Whoever told you to confess your sins is either A, like a Jesus or B, a survey collector for scientific purposes.
What she don't know, don't hurt so no harm no foul.
Take it to your grave or take it to the next chick.
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What's more primitive - the culture of this great country of ours where people can have numerous partners, have babies w/ different women and still claim to be "single" and or "monogamous" or our culture where a man is encouraged to take responsibiliti es for his own actions which means be polygamous if he's married. It teaches/enforces responsibiliti es. Bottom line: If a man doesn't want another woman, don't mess w/ one. If you mess w/ one, she's coming and sometimes coming to stay ;D ;D ;D ;D
That's easy, the one that treats women like second class citizen/dirt, and don't allowed women to have a say in the matter such as husband cheating with mistresses/girlfriends and/or even married them as second, third, ...wives.. despite how miserable the first wives are...about the whole situation..
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That's easy, the one that treats women like second class citizen/dirt, and don't allowed women to have a say in the matter such as husband cheating with mistresses/girlfriends and/or even married them as second, third, ...wives.. despite how miserable the first wives are...about the whole situation..
What you're describing applies to almost every culture & race. Maybe people may call it a different name but same thing. But at least for us, the Hmong, we take responsibiliti es seriously. Don't believe me, take a girl out...and get her preggo...there's your future wife ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D and it's going to be tough to get out of the situation. Back in the days, forget about preggo...just stay past the curfew and you've got yourself a wife too ;D ;D ;D ;D
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What you're describing applies to almost every culture & race. Maybe people may call it a different name but same thing. But at least for us, the Hmong, we take responsibiliti es seriously. Don't believe me, take a girl out...and get her preggo...there's your future wife ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D and it's going to be tough to get out of the situation. Back in the days, forget about preggo...just stay past the curfew and you've got yourself a wife too ;D ;D ;D ;D
It might apply to some cultures that share similar primitive ways (treating women like dirt) but here in this great country if your husband cheats on you or has mistresses openly on the side or even married them as his second, third, ...wife, you as his current wife have the right to say no...and fight him with equal rights and equal say...
In a Hmong society back in Laos, you protest those things, you could get beat up by your husband, and still can't do nothing about it...Nothing a wife can do about it short of killing herself, her husband or her husband's mistresses...t o stop that misery...from what I've seen in Laos...Sad but true... :'(
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From just reading this today, I WILL never forgive him. It will hurt me forever.
But until I am in that situation, only then will I know what I'll do. Feelings change. People change. Saying one thing now means differently later on.
I hope all of us will never cross such bridge. :-X
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There's a difference between unconditional love and betrayal. If my husband was sick and no longer able to take care himself, looses an arm or leg, I'd still be with him and love him unconditionall y. If he's out cheating on me, no way in hell will I take him back. That's straight up betrayal, what is love when the trust is no longer there.
but what if it was his cheating that made him realize the difference between love and lust and he realizes that it's you he loves and the others were just wasted lust and he became a better man who can appreciate you and truly love you now because of his experiences?
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it takes a lot for a man to just confess. if the confession comes with legitimate reasoning, such as lack of sex in the current relationship, having sex for money, and/or because he was forced to have sex...then he should be forgiven for his sins. ha!
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Yes. If he was raped by another women or drugged, then yes, I'll forgive him. But the Author of this post mentioned him cheating with several women, which clearly states that he did it on his own free will. And even if the love was no longer there or no sex in the relationship, the honorable thing to do would be to be honest with each other and discuss the issues.
thanks for acknowledging that men do get raped sometimes. most people cheat out of opportunity, often time not always in the right frame of mind (under the influence, intoxicated and/or simply the desire there of). if you were to cheat on me, i hope you enjoyed it, cause i couldn't satisfied your needs and i must get paid. you'd be forgiven! ha!
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Men do not get raped. There is no chance that the little guy can get up if you're not in the mood!
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Men do not get raped. There is no chance that the little guy can get up if you're not in the mood!
So jacking a gummy worm is not rape?
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Men do not get raped. There is no chance that the little guy can get up if you're not in the mood!
Oh yes, they do!...Though severely under reported, men can also get raped...and it has happened...:
Cierra Ross, Chicago Mom, Charged With Raping Man At Gunpoint
A Chicago woman was jailed after being accused of picking up a stranger in her car and forcing him to have sex with another woman in the back of the vehicle.
Cierra Ross, a 25-year-old resident of suburb Olympia Fields, was charged with armed robbery and sexual assault stemming from the alleged crime, according to DNA Info.
Ross was booked Sept. 5 at the Cook County Sheriff’s Department, where she is being held in lieu of $75,000 bail, according to police records.
Assistant State’s Attorney Amanda Pillsbury told a Chicago judge in court on Thursday that the alleged incident began around 5 a.m. on the morning of July 26 when Ross offered the victim a ride, reports DNA Info. After he got into the car, however, Ross pulled a gun and “demanded [he] get into the backseat of the car and have sex with [her] friend,” Pillsbury said, according to the site.
The man eventually escaped and — wearing only his shirt — flagged down a nearby cab, according to the Chicago Sun-Times. The cab driver allowed the victim to email himself a picture of his alleged attackers’ license plate. The victim also later picked Ross out of a line-up, per the Sun-Times.
Ross, a mother of two who works at a local Denny’s restaurant, has a previous misdemeanor conviction for prostitution, according to the Sun-Times.
In a similar case in April, a Toronto man told police he was sexually assaulted by four women who offered to drive him home from a nightclub, according to the National Post.
Female-on-male rape is “presumed to be greatly under-reported,” writes Salon. National studies report anywhere between 1.4 and 3 percent of men say they have been raped at some point, according to The New York Times. Another one in 21 men “had been forced to penetrate an acquaintance or a partner, usually a woman; had been the victim of an attempt to force penetration; or had been made to receive oral sex,” according to The Times.
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Continuing with this off topic man rape thing. One night, back when I was very young and innocent, I drove my brother down that highway near lost lake and my car dies because the timing belt broke. We sat on top my car's hood in the hot summer night waiting for help. Back then, there were no cell phones yet. Finally, these 3 ladies, in their 30's came and offered us a ride into town. The driver was kinda hot too. As we got into the car with them, she says "why don't we all just rape these kids right now". I got all excited. Ofcourse, my little brother was way better looking than me so I'd probably end up with the fuglier one but heck, I was game. Unfortunately, the rape never happened and they drove us into town instead.
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How much do you love your husband?
Is your love unconditional?
So anyway...If your husband came to you and confessed that he cheated on you, maybe, not once, but several times with several different woman, but he has since realized he was wrong to do so and asks for your forgiveness. Even begged for your forgiveness. Keep in mind, you never knew or suspected this, he just confessed on his own because he felt he's a changed man. Would you forgive him or kick him out for cheating on you?
I'm not married...but I think married or not if u r in a relationship n if someone who is said to luv u n committed to that unionship at one point doubted the relationship or decided to deceive me about the relationship then even if they were to "find their fault" the trust is broken and if they can be easily swayed, distracted, doubted of their feelings/emotions/thoughts/commitment then how is there any reassurance it wouldn't happen again? I know it's easier said than done but for me it comes down to principles. Lastly, the shoe was on the other foot...if I cheated several times and had a revelation of my s/on the relationship's worth would he willingly take me back without question and hesitation?
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Sadly in the Hmong society with a traditional sense, Hmong women don't really have much of a say in the matter as married men can have mistresses openly and even married them as second, third, ...wife...sad but true.
Fortunately, we live in this great country where women can have equal rights and voice... O0
Damn, you are so dumb. Nothing new there.
Women always had the choice but they stayed because they needed a man to perform heavy work and be a provider for the children. If it was that much easier to remarry to a good man, women would be leaving their deadbeat husbands in droves. But the fact that good men are not likely to marry a divorced woman with 6 children in tow is a major reason why wives stay. No point in trading one deadbeat for another.
But they've always had the choice. They could be divorced and single. They could clear their own fields for farming. They could learn to hunt. They could learn to defend themselves. But Hmong women clearly didn't want to.
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but what if it was his cheating that made him realize the difference between love and lust and he realizes that it's you he loves and the others were just wasted lust and he became a better man who can appreciate you and truly love you now because of his experiences?
I'm pretty sure cheating husbands already know the difference between love and lust. They simply just don't care since men are easily seduced by sweet talking women who know how to melt their stress away.
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Damn, you are so dumb. Nothing new there.
Women always had the choice but they stayed because they needed a man to perform heavy work and be a provider for the children. If it was that much easier to remarry to a good man, women would be leaving their deadbeat husbands in droves. But the fact that good men are not likely to marry a divorced woman with 6 children in tow is a major reason why wives stay. No point in trading one deadbeat for another.
But they've always had the choice. They could be divorced and single. They could clear their own fields for farming. They could learn to hunt. They could learn to defend themselves. But Hmong women clearly didn't want to.
"Damn, you are so dumb. Nothing new there."
No wonder you are so spineless when "white racist" put you down....I mean you were deeply bothered by it but you just "FAKE it"...
NO WONDER YOU'RE THE HYPOCRITE PH VILLAGE TROLL THAT HAS ZERO INTEGRITY AND CREDIBILITY...