PebHmong Discussion Forum
Relationship => Marriage & Family Life => Topic started by: Rebel on March 04, 2021, 01:43:23 PM
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A little back story on my marriage to my ex husband.
We meet at work. I dated him very shortly when he proposed. I was never ready and I DID NOT WANT TO MARRY HIM!!!
He took me to the courthouse one day after he picked me up for work...
When we got there I asked him what were we’re doing, he said we were getting married. I said NO, I needed time to think/ time to plan etc!
He said we can have the wedding later and go do the ceremony at the courthouse first. He literally dragged me into the building against my will...When we got there he paid a fee and he picked out a date for us which was in two days to go back and say our vows in front of the judge and etc. well, I didn’t agree to it. I keep telling him no. But he got mad, and threatened me. I got scared for some reason and he asked two of my family members to be witnesses on that day. Like the whole thing was staged and planned but I had not idea what hit me until everything was done...I was still processing the whole thing but I knew I never agree to it. I never wanted to marry him and feel like I was forced and threatened into it.
After the ceremony, we were driving home he said to me,
“if I didn’t do it this way, you would of never got it done and it would of lagged and went on forever”
But I never wanted to marry him! And for many years I’m resentful of it and for myself being young and stupid!!! I felt like this whole marriage was a damn lie. If I could have it my way I would have it annulled. But I’m not sure if this is the best route for me. We married a little under ten years but close... I feel like I would never be at peace with getting divorce from someone I never wanted to marry in the first place but then again my emotion always gets in the way...
If you were in this situation would you divorce him or have an annulment?
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Just get a divorce and move on. Easy peezy!
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Just get a divorce and move on. Easy peezy!
I never new about annulment. But I want to wipe the whole thing like it never existed.
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I need to know what’s best bc that fools back and trying things w me. I have so much anxiety over this whole thing, lol freaking me out and I don’t know what will change if I pick one over the other
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What state are you in, Rebel?
Marriage laws vary among the states.
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Yeah good point. It varies by state, but you probably should just go talk with a lawyer.
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That's some f*cked up shit right there.
I would personally want an annulment, but I don't know how easily it would be to get it annulled if you have been married for that long. If you had done it right after the whole incident took place, it might have been easy.
What did you end up doing?
I feel like I should annulled but the years we been together might effect the outcome. Like the judge might say no bc of how long it’s been. I’m not sure at the moment.
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What state are you in, Rebel?
Marriage laws vary among the states.
California
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Wait, you called him your ex-husband, but you're still legally married?
I think if you want an annulment, you'll have to check your state laws. You will probably have to provide proof of why you want an annulment, which apparently can be hard to do. Also, there may be a statute of limitations.
Otherwise, you may have to suck it up and just divorce him. Asap, at that 'cause he sounds crazy. You may want to ghost him after the divorce too. Just sayin'. :-X
I believe we were legally separated. I can’t remember lol I’m a little terrified of him so that’s why I stalled the divorce process. I didn’t want to make a mistake..
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Check with an attorney there then.
California
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Yeah good point. It varies by state, but you probably should just go talk with a lawyer.
I know I need to talk to a lawyer but I just want to know what some people experiences were with getting an annulment and divorce. I feel like I’m going in kind of blind bc I don’t know what to expect. Never been through it and it’s giving me so much anxiety plus family members/friend have very little idea were ending our marriage. Some people still thinks we’re together lol
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Sounds like it's been years. How many kids do you two have already?
I know I need to talk to a lawyer but I just want to know what some people experiences were with getting an annulment and divorce. I feel like I’m going in kind of blind bc I don’t know what to expect. Never been through it and it’s giving me so much anxiety plus family members/friend have very little idea were ending our marriage. Some people still thinks we’re together lol
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If I qualify, annulment. Requirements may vary state by state so it's best to consult an attorney to know your options.
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Sounds like it's been years. How many kids do you two have already?
None, he dislikes kids :(
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I nicely brought up annulment and he threatened me lmao. I don’t want to be harmed over it. It’s just that if I was a ghost, I will never be able to Rest In Peace over it
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If I qualify, annulment. Requirements may vary state by state so it's best to consult an attorney to know your options.
I will look into it. I just wanted to know what people will do or if a person can actually get an annulment in this situation
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I nicely brought up annulment and he threatened me lmao. I don’t want to be harmed over it. It’s just that if I was a ghost, I will never be able to Rest In Peace over it
You should've stand your ground then by telling the Judge you're being forced to marry him so better stand your ground now before it's too late..Doesn't matter how you get it done, get it done now..Good luck!
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I see. He wanted just you.
None, he dislikes kids :(
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I see. He wanted just you.
No he thinks he’ll be a horrible dad and wanted to kill off his family gene lol
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I believe we were legally separated. I can’t remember lol I’m a little terrified of him so that’s why I stalled the divorce process. I didn’t want to make a mistake..
Sounds like he's got a point. If he didn't do things for you, you'll never get it done. Just look at how you're making such a big deal over whether to call it a divorce or an annulment. Either way, it should've been done long ago. Now go get those divorce papers signed and be done with it. Doesn't matter what it's called. What matters is that you close the chapter and move on or you'll just drag this on forever like he said.
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So, he wanted just you then.
For emotional support, for sexual support, for financial support, and to deter other guys from getting those from you. He didn't want you for procreation!
No he thinks he’ll be a horrible dad and wanted to kill off his family gene lol
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So, he wanted just you then.
For emotional support, for sexual support, for financial support, and to deter other guys from getting those from you. He didn't want you for procreation!
We lost a child and had miscarriages. I got on birth control for the most part of our marriage after that....plus.. .our sex life was non existent last few years before we split. He went to see an endocrinologis t but never follow up, somethings wrong with his you know what... I’m not sure if it’s erectile dysfunction... . but pills and shots were given, and yeah he was young, early twenties. Doctors thought he had a tumor in his brain but he just didn’t care to fix the problem after some time... he quit and I stopped trying....
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If there's no love, sex life can only go for so long before someone stops desiring.
I think cloud kids have seen the lack of love in the relationship, so they've refused to be born into your marriage. Each time they came close to being born, they fought to be reincarnated right away elsewhere.
That's the spiritual side of things.
20s and suffering ED? That's not normal.
We lost a child and had miscarriages. I got on birth control for the most part of our marriage after that....plus.. .our sex life was non existent last few years before we split. He went to see an endocrinologis t but never follow up, somethings wrong with his you know what... I’m not sure if it’s erectile dysfunction... . but pills and shots were given, and yeah he was young, early twenties. Doctors thought he had a tumor in his brain but he just didn’t care to fix the problem after some time... he quit and I stopped trying....
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If there's no love, sex life can only go for so long before someone stops desiring.
I think cloud kids have seen the lack of love in the relationship, so they've refused to be born into your marriage. Each time they came close to being born, they fought to be reincarnated right away elsewhere.
That's the spiritual side of things.
20s and suffering ED? That's not normal.
I stayed faithful to the end. Never cheated once...lost desire, but it’s that I lost respect for him that everything just wasn’t worth it anymore. i think if he was a loving and kind person, I would of stayed and probably worked it out. But it all worked out in the end... glad it’s close to being over.
I’m sure it’s ED, but was never given a name bc he was so young when it started and doctors thought something else was causing it.
I wouldn’t want to have us has parents either. it would of been a rough life lmao
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If a woman does not break loose however she can and if she’s still looking for excuses or still spends time to see if she should take one route over another, you know she doesn’t really want to leave.
First of all, wtf is this crap! How old were you? How did he threaten you? Was your family in danger? Was he gonna commit suicide? Is he non-Hmong? Is he related to the mafia? Yakuza? Latinx druglords? Was this some kdrama? Chinese drama? Maybe my life is too simple and I don't tolerate sh!t so I don't understand.
Jesus.
So.. call around your state and get a bunch of opinions. If all opinions lead to Rome then you gotta go to Rome.. also, you may want to check into restraining orders if you're that frightful of him. Don't wait another 10 years.
This is why marriage is crap. It is not the solution for some deep desire and longing for genuine human connection.
Good luck!
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Ok. So I wrote all the above and then you wrote this and I'm confused hahha Did you actually read what you wrote before you submit? Forget annulment, just divorce already because you were willing to stay. Make up your mind. Geez. Women.
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ED can be cured. Just need to get blood flowing there.
I stayed faithful to the end. Never cheated once...lost desire, but it’s that I lost respect for him that everything just wasn’t worth it anymore. i think if he was a loving and kind person, I would of stayed and probably worked it out. But it all worked out in the end... glad it’s close to being over.
I’m sure it’s ED, but was never given a name bc he was so young when it started and doctors thought something else was causing it.
I wouldn’t want to have us has parents either. it would of been a rough life lmao
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First of all, wtf is this crap! How old were you? How did he threaten you? Was your family in danger? Was he gonna commit suicide? Is he non-Hmong? Is he related to the mafia? Yakuza? Latinx druglords? Was this some kdrama? Chinese drama? Maybe my life is too simple and I don't tolerate sh!t so I don't understand.
Jesus.
So.. call around your state and get a bunch of opinions. If all opinions lead to Rome then you gotta go to Rome.. also, you may want to check into restraining orders if you're that frightful of him. Don't wait another 10 years.
This is why marriage is crap. It is not the solution for some deep desire and longing for genuine human connection.
Good luck!
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Ok. So I wrote all the above and then you wrote this and I'm confused hahha Did you actually read what you wrote before you submit? Forget annulment, just divorce already because you were willing to stay. Make up your mind. Geez. Women.
I’m scare to death of him. His own mom shits on herself when she sees him, serious lmao for sharing this... lol
restraining orders will just provoke him more and won’t save my life. I’m not even trying for that.
Just want to know if it matter or what people would do if they were in my situation as I had just learned about annulment.
Had he been a loving person, with his issues, I probably would of still stayed with him. But bc he’s NOT he’s not a loss to me is what I meant..
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I redid the divorce and going with annulment.
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ED can be cured. Just need to get blood flowing there.
I think it’s a brain thing.
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If a woman does not break loose however she can and if she’s still looking for excuses or still spends time to see if she should take one route over another, you know she doesn’t really want to leave.
He’s forcing me to sign some notiarized agreements. Terms I don’t agree to so we keep waisting time. And on top of other things lol
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Maybe I am a victim but that’s no ones business. I want half a piece of that pie and I dont want someone to bully in into taking something less lol maybe I’m too greedy? Want too much? Nah...
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Many men feel that way, too. That's why they find themselves more active with sexier women over less sexy women.
I think it’s a brain thing.
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Yo, sister
Why are you coming in here to expose your love life to the world???
What you need to do is:
1. TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND
2. Seek real professional couple therapy
There are a lot of troll here
They love to see you fall
DONT DO IT
DONT LISTEN TO ALL THESE PHER
“Divorce his ass” crap
They don’t know shyt
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Many men feel that way, too. That's why they find themselves more active with sexier women over less sexy women.
He can do whatever be with whomever it’ll still be the same.
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Homegirl.. let me drop some knowledge before I skedaddle outta here cus you just reminded me why I don't come on ph. First, people who are at the receiving end of domestic abuse never refer to themselves as "victims", they are survivors. Second, you made it everyone's business when you decided to come on here and asked for our opinions (of course, I could've withheld my opinion but I ain't that kind of angel). Third, survivors don't care about a piece of (whatever) pie you're referring to. They're more concern about getting out alive and safe. Fourth, you don't want anyone to bully you but you let yourself get bullied into a marriage you (supposedly) didn't want but stayed in for 10 years. Lastly, are you greedy? Only you know that answer. But you do resemble the snowflakes who think they are entitled to every single little thing these days aka a Karen ::)
Good luck. I hope you get yourself a damn smart lawyer with all the she say/he say coupled with your two relative witnesses and a judge. Should be smooth sailing.
A survivor is a person who’s gotten out and had survived/overcome their ordeal... what makes you think I’ve gotten out I asked a simple question but you want to know if my ex is some druglord etc etc? Lol That has nothin to do with anything...
But your right, your life is too simple...and you wouldn’t understand shit!
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Yo, sister
Why are you coming in here to expose your love life to the world???
What you need to do is:
1. TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND
2. Seek real professional couple therapy
There are a lot of troll here
They love to see you fall
DONT DO IT
DONT LISTEN TO ALL THESE PHER
“Divorce his ass” crap
They don’t know shyt
My ex sex issues... my divorce problem? if I was able to seek therapy freely, I would of went there. That was part of the agreement that I was forced to signed. Jesus Christ I hardly come in here lmao I’ve already got my answer, people can just leave it alone now
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My ex sex issues... my divorce problem? if I was able to seek therapy freely, I would of went there. That was part of the agreement that I was forced to signed. Jesus Christ I hardly come in here lmao I’ve already got my answer, people can just leave it alone now
you have to seek therapy first
before you start divorcing
IN THAT ORDER
hope that helps
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you have to seek therapy first
before you start divorcing
IN THAT ORDER
hope that helps
He had me sign agreements saying that I will not seek therapy, counseling etc. it will forfeit shit that we agreed on. On top other shit. I know it’s weird but whatever
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He had me sign agreements saying that I will not seek therapy, counseling etc. it will forfeit shit that we agreed on. On top other shit. I know it’s weird but whatever
that's already too late
take your experience from this one
and apply to your next one
always see PRO HELP before you reach the stage you are in right now
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Serious?
He can do whatever be with whomever it’ll still be the same.
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There are a lot of troll here
DONT LISTEN TO ALL THESE PHER
“Divorce his ass” crap
They don’t know shyt
Calling out other "PHER" as "troll" and say "They don't know shyt"? ???
Speaking of "troll" and "don't know shyt", here's a good example..so don't be another victim like renaissance as that poor girl didn't even have a chance after listening to his "shyt":
hmgrock you're the biggest troll i swear... i honestly don't think your online persona is real other than to troll..
Bro HR,
I called you a negative nancy. I also said INO is a day trade because of the volatility. At least get your information right.
If you are here to help people, why are you the biggest troll in this forum? In addition to being the biggest troll, you don't even understand trading.
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Get that divorce already n hook up with that Mexican guy you currently dating and have fun with more melodramatic drama.
Or you can hook up with my Hmong friend that has a wife n has a mistress in MN. No string attached to him so you all will be good. My Hmong friend has a cheating issue but not an abusive issue. You hook up with him and I'll hook up with your sister and you can be in my life and affairs too. To call you my inlaw will be an honor. :2funny:
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Serious?
I don’t know I don’t have a Dik. Low testosterone, young age= Brain tumor, maybe. Who knows. Don’t care
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Good luck with that. I'm assuming you're going to try to go with one of these two reasons.
Unsound mind: either party was of “unsound mind” or unable to understand the nature of the marriage or domestic partnership, including the obligations that come with it.
Force: either party consented to getting married or filing a domestic partnership as a result of force.
I think it'll be hard for you to prove either one, especially when your own family witnessed the courthouse wedding AND none of them know you two are having issues.
If the judge doesn't give you an annulment, you're still going to have to go through the process of getting divorced.
I don't agree with you here. You have portrayed yourself to be a victim stating that you were coerced into getting married. Were you, or weren't you? It's not our business, but you did air it out on here. Just saying. Also, if you are that scared of him, why on earth would you want anything from him? Don't you just want to cut ties with him and be done? I have to agree with qeej to a certain extent. It's almost as if you thrive on this sort of drama. You have the means to get yourself out of this situation, but you're dragging your feet and putting all the blame on your husband.
Hard to explain unless your in my situation. It’s more complex than this but I’ve shared enough. I don’t thrive well on drama/stress, to be honest...cause s me anxiety and i over think and find myself in situations like this lol
edit: I think I did want to share of the more complex part of it, the reason I wrote this post but realize that would be sharing too much...
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whow..i feel for you. It's a real thing folks..this is a serious issue our dear friend Rebel is going thorugh....I've known women who has psycho ex that just can't let go...the best thing to do in this case is to destroy before it destroy you...lols j/k...a restraining order is necessary if it gets out of hand...It is sad but i know there are so many women out there who either has a crazy psycho ex that can't let go, or a husband, b-f who is so controlling and possesively violent that she is scare off her ass to leave....the worst part is, some of these dudes are completely normal looking and sounding mofos...could be your co-worker, neighbor, doctor, mechanic...lol s these are guys who doesn't care if a woman loves him, he only cares that he gets to sleep with her. this is avery scary problem folks...we need to teach our young guns to be better men....and our girls to choose wisely....life is too fragile, one little mistake can leave to a lifetime of misery...
g'luck Rebel, take good care of yourself and don't let fear hinder you but be aware and choose your settings wisely.
Sometimes I tell people I’m married to satan and they’ll laugh. I’ll laugh too bc it’s that unbelievably crazy lol He don’t look or act like one. Only the closet people to him know him...So I guess unless someone married one, they’ll understand. Feels like playing an endless game of chess with the devil lol....but thanks
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Is he fat? If he is, there might be cholesterol issues.
I don’t know I don’t have a Dik. Low testosterone, young age= Brain tumor, maybe. Who knows. Don’t care
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Is he fat? If he is, there might be cholesterol issues.
When we got together he was on the sorta skinny/ but fit side. Couple years in he got a little meaty.. Now he’s not but fit. But that happened early on when he was thin/fit. He got tested on all that. The only left was a brain scan but he got too chicken so he didn’t go forward with it.he did a total lifestyle change but still is an issue. Don’t know what’s wrong.
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Not good in bed anymore, huh?
When we got together he was on the sorta skinny/ but fit side. Couple years in he got a little meaty.. Now he’s not but fit. But that happened early on when he was thin/fit. He got tested on all that. The only left was a brain scan but he got too chicken so he didn’t go forward with it.he did a total lifestyle change but still is an issue. Don’t know what’s wrong.