PebHmong Discussion Forum
Relationship => General Relationship => Topic started by: Believe_N_Me on February 14, 2024, 11:20:00 AM
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Struggling to leave a relationship that has run it's course? Perhaps we are ruminating too much about the good times or have developed an unhealthy attachment. Fact is, we were never dealing with a good person who made human mistakes. We were entrapped by a bad character who used good acts to manipulate us so that we would put up and accept their narcissistic behavior.
IMHO, a good partner isn't Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. A good mate doesn't exhibit great qualities in many areas and then suddenly cheat, lash out, gives you silent treatment, ghost you, breadcrumb, make excuses, etc. What you probably have is someone with narcissistic traits. They do these great things for you because they are hiding who they really are. They want you to be hooked and addicted as quickly as possible (this can even go on for quite a long time, depending on how long it takes to get you to let your guard down) so that when they commit destructive acts, you'll forgive them. You will feel too scared to leave because you don't think there is anybody else who will do these good things. Plus, you are already addicted them. All the while, they have no problem moving on when they're tired of you, and doing the exact same thing to the new unsuspecting person.
*** Been watching a lot of educational videos on narcissism.
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Don't mind me. I'm probably listening to too many Hmong drama stories on Youtube. :) I have to take breaks because the stories are just way too depressing. I like the scary stories more.
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I call it the bad boy trap. they treat a girl like crap. this does two things. It emits intimate stimulation, the other, it gives them a reason/excuse to come running after you, apologize, then display good traits, then the cycle repeats. The unsuspecting victim isn't even aware what has happen or is happening.
In life, we all gotta have some understanding of human psychology. It's really not that hard if you put in the effort to reverse engineer someone. You can't always go with feelings and intuitions. That usually comes after you already thought everything thoroughly, crossed examined (I dont even know what that means really), and gather all the smallest slightest cues and decide from there whether a person is worth taking the gamble.
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I read that it's called a trauma bond.