PebHmong Discussion Forum
Relationship => General Relationship => Topic started by: Believe_N_Me on April 02, 2025, 09:30:21 AM
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...an imbalanced partner because the highs and lows, and push and pull dynamic is stimulating. Despite feeling exhausted and depleted from the relationship, the dopamine rush they feel during the high period is exhilarating. It is also validating whatever anxiety they felt during the low period.
Unfortunately, having been in a string of this type of relationship will alter the person's perception of what real, and healthy love should look and feel like. Healthy love doesn't feel real or stable to them. Chaos and drama is more familiar. Because they've developed a habit of inciting chaos, drama, insecurity, and anxiety in their former partner(s), they will start to exhibit behaviors that trigger those responses in a healthy partner after the honeymoon phase. This is to get the same reactions in order for them to get the same dopamine rush. If the healthy partner maintains a secured attachment style and doesn't react with anxiety, insecurity, or drama, the person will perceive that as low interest and get bored. Therefore, they will always choose an imbalanced partner rather than a balanced partner.
Note: Those with avoidant or narcissistic traits tend to choose chaotic attachments rather than balanced relationships because it feels more empowering to be with a partner whose emotions are easily triggered by their actions. The avoidant/narc feels validated and empowered when they are able to incite strong reactions of love or hate from their partner. They want their partner to be consumed by them at all times.
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The majority of books and movies do not show what a healthy and balanced love relationship looks and feels like because it is too boring. If we look to these stories (which are for entertainment purposes only) to find and maintain a love relationship, then expect to be disappointed. Your relationship will be filled with as much drama. lol
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I think they call it Limerence??
I think I'm either extreme anxious or extreme fearful avoidant...but the right one will make you feel secure....or just be a jaguar...roam the wild and only gets out during mating season. haha jk
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Limerence is when the both of you feel like young, first lovers and everything is rainbows and butterflies.
People who chase after limerence make for a very toxic partner. You'll find yourself on an emotional roller coaster with them. They get bored easily and will start to pull away if they haven't already ghosted you. During no contact, it usually means that they found new supply. This could mean a person or a hobby or some other interest. Any way you slice it, you're the very last thing they care about. Don't expect them to return unless they've pissed off the new supply and now they need your loving energy to boost their ego.
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JJ,
You're neither anxious or avoidant. Once upon a long time ago, I knew an avoidant and your energy is vastly different from his.
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I'm a chameleon. My energy shifts and fluctuates constantly. Notice I only come online when I'm in a decent mood. lol
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^^^
And here I thought you only came online for a certain someone.
Okay, mam li tsis qhia koj qhov secret los mas. ;)
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scratches head...
Just here to entertain myself. I don't care about anyone else in here, for all I know they can be ghosts. Lol
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scratches head...
Just here to entertain myself. I don't care about anyone else in here, for all I know they can be ghosts. Lol
Who needs real ghosts when there are people already doing the ghosting? ::)
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When people think about a relationship, most are driven by sexual desires. haha yup, I said it...LOL
It's really what happens after the magic happens. Sorry to be so blunt, but people eventually get tire of having sex with each other...LMAO
this is why they say, love someone for who they are....LOL uhh I think, I think most psychologists been preaching this for generations..h aha
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Like anything else, it needs good foundation otherwise it will crumble like a stack of cards. A relationship without a strong foundation is like a tree with shallow roots. It might look healthy on the surface but the first storm can knock it down.
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Like anything else, it needs good foundation otherwise it will crumble like a stack of cards. A relationship without a strong foundation is like a tree with shallow roots. It might look healthy on the surface but the first storm can knock it down.
Yes. Get with people who have a firm foundation, and I don't just mean materialistic stuff. I mean "mentally" strong.
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Absolutely! Surrounding yourself with mentally strong people is crucial for personal growth, resilience. and overall well-being.