PebHmong Discussion Forum
Relationship => General Relationship => Topic started by: theking on July 09, 2026, 01:28:18 PM
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Couples Are Sharing The Relationship Rules They Are Frickin' Sick Of Following
We live in a world that's constantly rewriting the rules. Men stay home with the kids. Women propose. Couples create relationships that work for them rather than following an outdated rulebook. But even with all that progress, there are still tons of universal relationship rules that people subscribe to, even if it's sometimes subconscious. And judging by the internet, a whole lot of people are completely OVER having those expectations pushed onto them. So let's get into the relationship rules people think deserve to be broken.
1. "Don't go to bed angry. I say all the time how stupid this advice is. I hate when people give it to newly married couples. Most of the time, you need a good night's rest just to cool down."
2. "That couples must share the same bed. No, they don't. And some marriages are perfectly fine with each person having their own bed to sleep in."
3. "Having the same bank account. We had separate bank accounts. When my mom found out, she had a fit. 'When you're married, it's our money, not my money. All money goes to the marriage, not for you.' I told her that you can have separate accounts and still pay your share of expenses. I would also remind her that she got married in 1963 when women weren't allowed to have their own accounts. Plus, she didn't work, so of course, Dad's money went for everything."
4. "That you shouldn't marry the first person you date. The belief that you have to practice being in a relationship and gain experience before being ready to settle down. I did not choose that route. My thoughts tend to be along these lines: there are going to be pros and cons with anyone you date. I think each individual will vary entirely. Why not just grow together with a good option and make it work when you're ready for a relationship? I abstained throughout my 20s so that I could focus on myself. I'm also spiritual. I firmly believe I didn't miss out on anything except heartbreak and STIs. I think there's a giant push for people to experiment and fool around. That's fine, but it wasn't necessary for me. I can now grow with my partner because we were mentally prepared for one another, we trust each other, and we can enjoy each other's bodies. A high body count would not help me."
5. "That it is important to fart and even poop with the door open. Because it means you're comfortable with each other. Gross, gross gross. For me, this would not be a sign of comfort. For me, it would be a sign of a lack of thoughtfulness, consideration, and respect. Just because I am in a relationship with someone doesn't mean she or I should be exposed to every bodily function when it isn't necessary. I bleed every month. This doesn't mean I'll expose my partner to my blood-soaked pad."
6. "That you automatically become privy to your spouse's friends' problems. I found out that my friend would tell her husband anything I told her in confidence, and she said I should have realized that. A post was shared on social media asking whether it was a natural thing, and overwhelmingly the answer was yes: most people in serious long-term relationships will share things their friends have said with each other. I see it as a serious breach of trust, because if it was something I'd be okay with him hearing, then I'd say it in front of him, not put it in a private message or wait until he leaves the room. So now I share little with her, and she complains our friendship isn't what it once was. To me, that's on her, not me. To her, that's a natural and normal part of a marriage."
7. "This is gonna get some heat, but honestly: monogamy. Here's the thing: just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean it HAS to be monogamous. Every relationship is different. What may work for one couple may not work for another, and that's okay. The biggest thing for EVERY relationship is that you should be able to communicate your wants and thoughts without judgment."
8. "Not being allowed to be friends with an ex. Tricky, but definitely doable under the right circumstances. I'm friends with an ex with whom we split on good terms. We don't check in constantly, but we do talk, and we game sometimes. He's since gotten married and recently had a daughter, and each time it's been cause for celebration and congratulation s. We feel very genuinely happy for each other and have no concerns or remaining romantic feelings. We were important to each other once, and the reason we ended was no one's fault, so it's genuinely all very nice and good vibes."
9. "Having to live together! A lot of the 60+ generation have this one down. I know quite a few divorcees and widow/ers who have long-term partners, but aren't about to sell their house or upend their life any time soon. They're too settled in their own life, and don't want to change routines. Sounds like a choice arrangement if you ask me."
10. "That you have to spend every holiday together. I'll spend time with my family on Christmas, and you'll spend time with yours. No rushing around for a half day here and a half day there, so everyone is half happy."
11. "That you go out for dinner first, and then have sex. It makes much more sense the other way around. Meet up in one of your homes, have hot and sweaty sex, shower, then, when you're relaxed with an appetite, select a place to go eat. Or...if you find you're no longer interested in being together after, accept it, and arrange to do it again soon, then leave."
12. "Not having friends of the opposite gender. If you don't trust, why are you in a relationship?"
13. "That men are supposed to be the ones to propose."
14. "Doing absolutely everything together. No, you don't have to be joined at the hips just because you're a couple. It took me a couple of years to explain this to my husband. He finally got it, and he says he's so happy he can tell me he's going fishing, and I don't react negatively. He's talked about going camping, either with a friend or alone. I don't particularly like fishing, and I absolutely hate and despise camping. I have my own things I like to do. We still do things as a couple, and we're both happy."
15. "That arguing is bad. You have to learn how to argue well. If you can reach a resolution, at least you both got your voices heard. A relationship with no arguments leads to tons of resentment that grows with every unsaid issue."
16. "That you have to get married to be in a valid long-term relationship. I've been dating a woman for 7 years. I get so sick of 'Why haven't you put a ring on it?' When I tell them that through my divorce, I learned that marriage is nothing but a business contract between two people and gets the government involved in your relationship and has absolutely nothing to do with love, so marriage is no longer of interest to me, the response I get is: 'That just sounds like an excuse. You're just afraid of commitment.' No, I am very committed. I've been dating the same woman for 7 years. I've not strayed, I've talked about the longer term and our future and what that might look like. I'm very committed, I just don't need a government business contract to show that commitment."
17. "That relationships are hard work, and you have to fight for your relationship. I've learned that the right relationship is easy. It should reduce your stress, not cause you more."
18. "Getting married before living together and having sex."
19. "That only the woman gets an engagement ring. While I personally like the idea of an engagement ring, I think both partners should wear one."
20. "That you have to talk about every relationship issue until it is resolved. Sometimes, too much talking about it is the problem."
21. And finally... "That everything is supposed to be exactly equal and 50/50. While this sounds very nice, it is actually a very toxic arrangement that leads to major problems. Of course, both partners are equally valuable, and neither becomes a tyrant over the other. But it is not possible to run a partnership as a 50/50 split. What happens when there is a difference of opinion? While you should make decisions together, in the end, there needs to be one member who is the leader and able to make the final decision."
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it all comes down to non-negotiables..I have a lot....probabl y a lot more than the average man....LOL