PebHmong Discussion Forum

Relationship => Dear Dr. PebHmong => Topic started by: nraug_hmoob on February 01, 2016, 10:29:04 AM

Title: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: nraug_hmoob on February 01, 2016, 10:29:04 AM
Guys/Gals,

I never thought I would be in a situation like this, but recently found out my wife cheated on me. It's been a couple of weeks, and I came back home to try to worked it out a few times.  Now, life throws another curveball at me and I recently found out she is pregnant.  The thing is she lied about the dates she slept with the guy when I came back to try to work it out, and  now she is pregnant with a baby that could not be mine. I am debating on divorcing her, and she isn't planning to keep the kid.  I never thought I would be a yawg nrauj, and I have been out of the dating game for so long, I don't know how I will meet anyone else if I leave. Btw, I'm only 31 years old and my wife and I have been married 6 yrs.  Let me know your thoughts.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: anonymouse on February 01, 2016, 11:12:17 AM
Can't imagine what you are going through.
She cheated, she's pregnant, and she's not keeping the child. :(

When you say work it out.  What do you mean?  Did you guys go to counseling? talk it out?
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: nraug_hmoob on February 01, 2016, 11:31:08 AM
Can't imagine what you are going through.
She cheated, she's pregnant, and she's not keeping the child. :(

When you say work it out.  What do you mean?  Did you guys go to counseling? talk it out?

I know it's not easy at all. After I caught her, she threaten to divorce me and didn't care what she was doing. I couldn't take it and left back home to my parents. We argued over text back and forth during those times. After I agreed to the divorce she backed down and then wanted to work it out. I said fine and came back home then. Since then, I also found that I don't think I will ever look at my wife the same way after knowing that she cheated on me.  My friends and family tell me to divorce her, and I feel foolish not to, but now that I know that she has been constantly lying to me, I had enough and wanted to leave her. I'm worried about being a divorcee and how I will meet anyone else. 
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: anonymouse on February 01, 2016, 11:34:47 AM
I know it's not easy at all. After I caught her, she threaten to divorce me and didn't care what she was doing. I couldn't take it and left back home to my parents. We argued over text back and forth during those times. After I agreed to the divorce she backed down and then wanted to work it out. I said fine and came back home then. Since then, I also found that I don't think I will ever look at my wife the same way after knowing that she cheated on me.  My friends and family tell me to divorce her, and I feel foolish not to, but now that I know that she has been constantly lying to me, I had enough and wanted to leave her. I'm worried about being a divorcee and how I will meet anyone else.

The divorce is up to you.  What was her reasons for cheating on you?  What did she say when you returned?  There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.  Would you rather be married to her and living a life of pain, hurt, and so on or would you rather move on and try to find happiness somewhere else?

I can't tell you much about being a divorcee as I am not one.  But there's always a silver lining in everything.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: nraug_hmoob on February 01, 2016, 11:40:51 AM
She told me she was lonely, made a mistake and wanted me back in her life. She realized I'm the best thing that ever happened to her.  Regardless, I couldn't accept that she kept seeing this guy for weeks, which I told her it was not a mistake anymore but a decison she made.  I no longer can accept her and trust her.  I wanted to move on, but I also afraid to lose the life that I built.  We have a house, nice jobs, and live comfortably.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: anonymouse on February 01, 2016, 11:47:50 AM
She told me she was lonely, made a mistake and wanted me back in her life. She realized im the best thing thst ever happened to her.  Regardless, i couldnt accept that she kept seeing this guy for weeks, which I told her it was not a mistake anymore but a decison she made.  I no longer can accept her and trust her.  I wanted to move on, but I also afraid to lose the life that I built.  We have a house, nice jobs, and live comfortably.

Let me rephrase what I said earlier.  When it comes to the decision to divorce or not.  Only you (and possibly her) can make that decision.  Here's the thing, we're not in your situation, we didn't build the foundation of the relation, we weren't there.  So it's easy for us to pick one side or the other, but at the end of the day, we're not the one going through the divorce, you are.  So it's not our decision to make.

If you feel you cannot, then it may be best to follow your wishes.  If she cannot change her ways, you are only going to hurt yourself more, the longer you stay.  Sometimes when you invest more and more into things, you get attached thinking of some outcome that will occur.  A house is just a box with items in it.  It's not a home unless you make it one.  Are you living or are you just alive?  Sometimes people do make mistakes, they get overwhelmed, and so on..

Sometimes you have to look at it as sunk cost.  It's something that already happened and can't be recovered.  You'll only lose more the longer you stay in.  Sometimes it's better to cut your losses early.

There's not much, we here on PH can do to help your situation.  It's all up to you. She made her bed, it's time for you to make yours.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: theking on February 01, 2016, 02:42:00 PM
When it comes to the decision to divorce or not.  Only you (and possibly her) can make that decision. 

Yes!

And good luck to the OP on what ever direction he chooses to go...
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: CARLOS on February 01, 2016, 02:45:14 PM
I'm surprised you even attempted reconciliation .  If there are no kids involved then sell the house, split the proceeds and cut off all contact from the whore of a woman. The only reason she wanted to work things out was because dude had his fun and pumped and dumped your wife and now she has nowhere to turn to.

Edit: also you're getting close that that period of no return. Do you really want to patch things up only to find out that after 10yrs of marriage she cheated on you once again and now will also seek alimony? 
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Asharia on February 02, 2016, 03:29:20 PM
I guess this all depends on how much you love your wife. Do you love her enough to try to get over this, rebuild the trust between you two, and stay married for better or for worse til death do you part?
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: nraug_hmoob on February 02, 2016, 09:37:19 PM
I'm surprised you even attempted reconciliation .  If there are no kids involved then sell the house, split the proceeds and cut off all contact from the whore of a woman. The only reason she wanted to work things out was because dude had his fun and pumped and dumped your wife and now she has nowhere to turn to.

Edit: also you're getting close that that period of no return. Do you really want to patch things up only to find out that after 10yrs of marriage she cheated on you once again and now will also seek alimony?

No kids. We were about ready to start a family before all this happened. I don't know if I can be in this relationship any longer than I have.  I'm been very patience with her for the last 6 years. Throughout the years, she has never stop threaten to divorce me everytime we get into a huge arguments.  I feel she is always asking for more than I can give, and when I do give, she's ask for more. She never seems happy with what she had. But now, I feel it's too late, I cannot accept her carrying someone else's child before mine.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: tRouBLe on February 03, 2016, 07:59:10 PM
Sorry to hear about your situation.  Keep in mind that people can fall in love at any age, if they're willing and open to it.  You're not the first to get a divorce (if that's your route) and you won't be the last.  If others can overcome it, so can you.  Good luck on whatever you decide to do.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: baddabing on February 04, 2016, 01:52:33 PM
If you plan to get back with her don't tell the world she cheated on you, it'll be too embarrassing for you that you still take her back. :)
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: FetishDream on February 04, 2016, 02:35:05 PM
it all depends on your toleration.  Some people divorce over the smallest and stupid chit while others divorce over a big case like yours. 

I have forgave my previous women before and while I was younger and foolish and stupid, I took them back.  I was trap like you in thinking that I would and could not move on without them.  Toleration is the key word here.  I was tolerable to work things out even if they cheated on me with my friends and 10 other guys.  :2funny:   

With your case, she cheated and have a child by dude?  She even wants to abort that kid?  How much evil is this woman capable of? 

I'd divorce because I can not tolerate that degree of evilness in this world.  Dayam if you stay and double dayam if you don't. 
 
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Crapcom on February 23, 2016, 04:31:50 PM
If you stay, don't you get the feeling that a man have got inside your wife.....your wife....


Up to you, live in pain and suffering to make others happy or choose a new path.

Goodluck.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: sunrain on February 24, 2016, 04:04:25 PM
The reason she wants to abort the baby is because she doesn't know who the father of the baby is.  She's afraid, very afraid of losing you, right now!  You are her shelter, supporter, and home.  She's very afraid because she knows that the other man wasn't giving her pleasure.  He was just torturing her and succeeded at wrecking the heart of the home, you! 

Understand that everything that you are is a representation of your mother, father, brothers, and sisters.  When you are hurt, they are also hurt.  They too have spent time loving her as their daughter in law and sister in law. Of course they want her out of your life when they see your tears, your pain, and distress.  No one will ever have a heart-to-heart talk with you other than your family.  They will tell you the good, the bad, and the most disgusting and ugly things that you don't want to hear about your situation but it is the honest truth of how they feel.

Despite everything they have to say, you are the one who holds the hammer.  You need to wake up and stand up for who you are as a husband, a brother, and a man.  What this mean is that whatever decision you make, don't forfeit along the way.  It is not a death sentence but it shows your spirit, your strength, and your will...which determines whether you are going to make it through during the hard times.

If you want to know if the baby is yours, a DNA test can be done after 12 or 14 weeks.  This will cost up to $1K-3K depending where you go. $1K-3K is nothing if this is your baby, you're going to be so damn happy.  If it's not your baby, it's going to make you so damn happy because this baby will help you make a better decision on whether you want to continue your marriage or let it all go.

If you decide to continue your marriage with her whether you guys keep the baby or not, please understand if she even wants to be with you anymore.  Being with someone who no longer wants to be with you is like keeping them in jail and keeping a watch on everything they do to ensure that they are behaving.  Do you really want to live like that?  Understand that a person who wants to mend and heal a marriage is going to be different than a person who is only seeking shelter because they are afraid of the dark.

Honestly though, if she really wants to save her marriage, honor you as her husband and love your entire family as her own from the bottom of her heart, she would already fork up the $1-3K and prepared all the proper documentations to do the DNA test in the case that this is your child.  She would already gotten on her knee and own up to her mistakes in front of every family member of yours that has every nurtured and loved her as their own.  She would have already have a heart to heart talk with your mother even if your mother don't give a damn about her because you both are still married so she is still your mother's daughter in law.  Traditionally, she would already fork up money on her own to kill a cow and prepare to fix you the Hmong way.  If she really wants to be with you, she'd do anything to save this marriage even if you are not asking for her to do anything.

/muchhearttoyouboth
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Hung_Low on February 24, 2016, 09:43:29 PM
Guys/Gals,

I never thought I would be in a situation like this, but recently found out my wife cheated on me. It's been a couple of weeks, and I came back home to try to worked it out a few times.  Now, life throws another curveball at me and I recently found out she is pregnant.  The thing is she lied about the dates she slept with the guy when I came back to try to work it out, and  now she is pregnant with a baby that could not be mine. I am debating on divorcing her, and she isn't planning to keep the kid.  I never thought I would be a yawg nrauj, and I have been out of the dating game for so long, I don't know how I will meet anyone else if I leave. Btw, I'm only 31 years old and my wife and I have been married 6 yrs.  Let me know your thoughts.

Bro... I'm telling you to cut tie with her while you still can without child support. You'll feel awkward at first jumping back to the dating game. But soon, it'll be fine. At your age, you're still very young in today's standard. Heck, I'm about your age and I'm not even married yet. Her behavior while you're still married to her already told us that she's not a good fit for you. If you take her back, she already own you and she'll abuse your love for her. You'll never truly forget or forgive her each time she does something bad to you. I might even consider it a mistake if it happen in a one-night stand but to be with the person for weeks and having his baby, that's not a mistake, that's a calculated two timing ho.

I was not even married when my x-gf cheated on me. We try to work it out but I was never able to forget or forgive her. That trust was broken. I eventually broke up with her... found out later that she's married and cheated on her husband too.

I had a cousin that went thru what you did... his wife cheated on him with a guy at her work place. She got pregnant and had an abortion. He found out and divorced her but soon took her back because his kids was missing her. She did this whole Hmong apologized thing, she had a big dinner and came and apologized to him and his whole family and beg to him to take her back. Guess what, 5 years later, she cheated on him again. Now, he's married to a wonderful woman and he's so much happier. He was 35 when he divorce her the second time.

Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: nraug_hmoob on February 25, 2016, 03:31:21 AM
Thanks everyone for their kind thoughts. Like my mom said to me, "qub neeg qub siab". I look at my situation and I know I have to decide if I can see myself with this person the next 5, 10, 20 years, and my heart says no.  It's the hardest things I ever had to do, to tell someone I loved, that I choose not to be them anymore.  However, I know staying that  I cannot accept what she did either. 
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: theking on February 25, 2016, 09:24:20 AM
Thanks everyone for their kind thoughts. Like my mom said to me, "qub neeg qub siab". I look at my situation and I know I have to decide if I can see myself with this person the next 5, 10, 20 years, and my heart says no.  It's the hardest things I ever had to do, to tell someone I loved, that I choose not to be them anymore.  However, I know staying that  I cannot accept what she did either.

I know the difficulty level can vary from person to person in terms of breaking up but it's never been that hard for me if deep down I can foresee the relationship won't work for any reason. Mainly, because she's not the one. I hope you can find the one for you and good luck!
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Believe_N_Me on March 07, 2016, 04:41:57 AM
You should never let the fear of being single again be the reason for staying.

In order to figure out if she can be forgiven, here are some things to consider. Is this incident within her character? In other words, does she always pull b.s. and this incident only magnified those behaviors? What other good qualities does she have that outweighs this incident? And how easily can those qualities be found in others? Are those qualities extremely important to you?   
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Buttercup on March 08, 2016, 09:10:20 PM
You should take her to divorce court and do a DNA test to verify if it is your baby or not.  Make her pay for the DNA test and if the baby is yours.  Keep it!  Just to make her feel the pain.  lol

If the baby isn't yours, still keep it, and let it be adopted to a family who is in need of one.  31 years of age is very young.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Blongforever on March 18, 2016, 12:13:02 PM
Do you know that lucky SOB that scored your wife?  She got nailed by that SOB real good man.  I'd divorce that door knob and move on.  Do you want to live with her and the thought of her allowing another man to nail her real good when you are not around for the rest of your life?  You may be a better man than I am so maybe you can handle that shit.  I think your problem is more complicated than her unfaithfulness and what you are sharing.  Are there children involved?
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Believe_N_Me on March 20, 2016, 01:04:54 AM
You can determine paternity before birth. Just simply have an amniocentesis performed. It's the same test they use to determine Down Syndrome. However, it's very costly.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: yuknowthat on March 21, 2016, 08:59:45 AM
Npawg! Being a divorcee is the new trend.lol jk. Dont worry about it. Its not only you that have been divorced. This whole world have millions who probably been divorce more than once.


31 is still young and right time to start thinking about marriage only.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: autumnbreeze on March 24, 2016, 10:52:53 AM
I can feel your pain just reading your post. I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through this.

I think that when a woman cheats on you, she no longer loves you. even if she still wants to work out and keep the marriage, that only means the other guy doesn't want her anymore. nws pom dej dag siab thiaj nqeg lawm. so basically, you are her second, her shelter when she has no where to go. the only reason why she now sees you as the best is because she was dumped by her lover. do you want to be second for the rest of your and her life? and always remember that once a cheater is always a cheater. some are able to get away from it, but many others revert back to their cheating behaviors. so good luck to you and I wish you the strength to make the best decision for you. since there is no kids yet, it won't be that hard. oh, and as another pher said, the fact that she wants to abort the child is because she's not sure whom the father is. since she wants to work it out with you, she's probably terrify that the baby might be her lovers so that's why she decides to abort it.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: autumnbreeze on March 24, 2016, 10:57:50 AM

I had a cousin that went thru what you did... his wife cheated on him with a guy at her work place. She got pregnant and had an abortion. He found out and divorced her but soon took her back because his kids was missing her. She did this whole Hmong apologized thing, she had a big dinner and came and apologized to him and his whole family and beg to him to take her back. Guess what, 5 years later, she cheated on him again. Now, he's married to a wonderful woman and he's so much happier. He was 35 when he divorce her the second time.


I also have a cousin in a similar situation too. his wife cheated on him with a Mexican guy at her workplace. he caught them red handed. she did this whole cow party to fix his face. her side of the families came. she made all these promises to be good and stay with him. she begged all the elders and promised to not do it again. a few months later, she got in contact with him again and slept with him. again, my cousin found out and this time, he kicked her out of the house. she went to her Mexican lover but he didn't want her. in fact, he was no where to be found because he was afraid of getting in trouble by my cousin. plus, he never wanted her. he just wants to use her sexually only. she couldn't find him so she went back to her side of the family and eventually remarried. her now husband is good and loves her a lot, but she still regrets my cousin. and the pain and suffering she puts her children through was just very sad.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: autumnbreeze on March 24, 2016, 11:04:10 AM
anyways, back to your original title, sometimes it's best to be a yawg nraug than to be in a loveless marriage. at least you know you weren't the one that f*ck up the marriage and that you really did gave it your all. you have nothing to regret. best to be single and look for a new love than to fix a love that was broken into a thousand pieces. best to start over new than to go back to someone who you no longer love completely, trust enough anymore, and your heart will never be content with her ever again. best to leave now than stay and be miserable and in pain for the rest of your life. she will heal and get over it, but you won't, trust me. I know finding new love will be hard, but just take your time looking for new love. don't rush and jump right into another marriage. I believe that if you are a good person with a genuine heart, you will find another good soul to be with. now, if you become a player after divorce and just party and drink every weekend, then your life would be just having fun only and no serious woman would want to be with you unless you find another woman who just loves drinking, partying, and having fun like you.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Hot Pockets on March 25, 2016, 07:05:38 PM
Well I'll tell you there are plenty of divorced Hmong people to go around. So you can always find someone. Divorce rates has gone up significantly among Hmong couples.

If you can't trust her than its over. Start by asking friends and family if they can network you with singles.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: nraug_hmoob on April 02, 2016, 11:46:06 AM
Thanks everyone. The hardest part of moving on is the fact that you always had someone there for you. When you don't anymore, loneliness and depression hits you really hard. It is always easiest to run back to the one person that you once had. However, I agree with many of you. I can forgive, but I cannot forget. This situation was beyond my limits and I know that it forever changed my respect for her.  To spend a lifetime with this person knowing how she treated me, I don't think I can do it. 
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Hung_Low on April 06, 2016, 08:42:32 PM
Well I'll tell you there are plenty of divorced Hmong people to go around. So you can always find someone. Divorce rates has gone up significantly among Hmong couples.

If you can't trust her than its over. Start by asking friends and family if they can network you with singles.

There are other single women/men that will take a divorce men/women...  I know a few people that were divorce and they end up marrying single girls. Never underestimate the power of "has lug zoo and lug mog". I'm just saying that people are not as picky as they used to be in the old days.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Giggles_Shyly on April 07, 2016, 08:28:30 AM
Don't worry too much about a title you were forced to have. There are plenty of good women still out there and you will find her. Be open minded and date for a while before settling down :)

Wise words from my grandpa:

Cov neeg es tuag tsis muaj ntxa, tsis txhob ntshai kiag. Nws hem tsis tau yus lawm. O0
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Giggles_Shyly on April 07, 2016, 08:50:46 AM
Hehe Tai Lau, lawv yuav hem koj li cas na lod? Yus txav kom deb ntawm lawv xwb mas ;D
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Giggles_Shyly on April 07, 2016, 09:14:32 AM
Thaum ntawv ces, cell phone tuag tsis muaj ntxa lawm thiab  :P
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: zooNyob on June 01, 2016, 02:10:56 PM
Bruh!  Leave now while you can...I've been there and done that!!!  Listen to yourself....yo u already stated that no matter what you do for her she is never happy!!!  Fact is she never really loved you from the start that's why she was never happy and just waiting for someone to come along that's why she screwed him!!! 

Again leave while you can!!!  She will never love you and you will never accept her for what she has done as you already stated!!!  It's not bad at all being single at 31!!!  I was divorce at 27 but not that much difference!!!  Don't be afraid of being alone!!!  you have your friends, family, and other ppl that will always be there!!!  Matter of fact you came in this world alone and you will leave alone!!!!

Women?  they will come so dont stress about that!!!  work on getting your life back together, getting in shape (if necessary), be social, and women will come falling at your feet!!! 

I know all this is easier said or typed but you can do it!!!  I'm living proof along with million of other guys here that have gone through the same situation. 

Stay strong bro and be strong with your decision 
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Crapcom on October 18, 2016, 01:55:35 PM
this threat is so hot  :D :D :D :D that i have to reply

one question is this: are you willing the accept your wife knowing that we men have gotten inside her and have Bang the shit out of her  :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:

I understand that your marriage lasted a long time but why do you have 2nd thoughts? when your answer is right in front of you.

If you're my brother and you went back to her...i don't think i'll ever respect you again in life....cause your self esteem is so low that you went back to your whore....who got
bang by so many men... :knuppel2: :knuppel2:

so you have build an strong marriage foundation? well your foundation has collapse the moment she spread her legs for other men...

Not to discourage your thoughts...but my point is that if only if you can accept what she did then go back with her if you have second thoughts then move on...cut all strings..

can you accept? that's the question....
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: sweetvoice on October 22, 2016, 09:29:55 PM
Guys/Gals,

I never thought I would be in a situation like this, but recently found out my wife cheated on me. It's been a couple of weeks, and I came back home to try to worked it out a few times.  Now, life throws another curveball at me and I recently found out she is pregnant.  The thing is she lied about the dates she slept with the guy when I came back to try to work it out, and  now she is pregnant with a baby that could not be mine. I am debating on divorcing her, and she isn't planning to keep the kid.  I never thought I would be a yawg nrauj, and I have been out of the dating game for so long, I don't know how I will meet anyone else if I leave. Btw, I'm only 31 years old and my wife and I have been married 6 yrs.  Let me know your thoughts.

There are tons and tons of divorce men in this world so why are you so scare of being one. Your not perfect your life/marriage is not perfect so who cares if you become a divorce man if that is the only choice you got left to keep yourself safe and happy. Noone knows their future even for those who are have happy marriage they don't know tomorrow because maybe tomorrow their marriage will go wrong too. Some will try to save their marriage by killing or doing anything for it while others will just leave and start a new beginning some will remarry right way some will never ever remarry...they all have to make a decision. Becoming a divorce man doesn't prevent you from doing anything that a single man can do. If a lady doesn't care or want you because your a divorce man then that is not your fault and you should not let it stop you from finding happiness for you. If you don't trust your wife anymore then who is preventing you from leaving for good and not returning one two three or four times and not waste your time on this situation that can lead you to have a bad background with the law. If you leave and do good for yourself instead of creating problems with the law then that's not a regret in life. If you don't leave and there's problems leading to the law then your be living a nightmare and will regret it for life so it is up to you to decide if is it really worth risking yourWHOLE life and your bring your love ones with the law. Please do not think you can control the situation with your wife once you come back because it is the wrong direction to take. Please be honest with yourself and follow your heart to seek a better future of becoming a good role model for others and love yourself. I don't really know why Hmong people care so much about having the name as being a divorce female or male..... let use this as a example-there are a lot of single Hmong females who have been with tons and tons of guys and there are divorce females who has only been with one guy their whole life. this is the year 2016 into 2017 and for many of us we already know that no matter how hard you work or try to better yourself in the Hmong community if your a divorce female or man you are always going to be view as someone not as good as a person who has never hold a marriage title. so.the whole truth to this is that do what is going to make you happy and try to be successful in life so you can feed yourself and have a decent job to pay for bills and not worry about this being divorce issue...no one is perfect everyone makes mistake single or divorce but not everyone will admit this or know...as long as you love yourself and do good things to better yourself and respect others then that's all that really matters and learn from your wrong doings and not repeat it over and over then your be okay.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Niello on January 30, 2017, 03:04:25 PM
Guys/Gals,

I never thought I would be in a situation like this, but recently found out my wife cheated on me. It's been a couple of weeks, and I came back home to try to worked it out a few times.  Now, life throws another curveball at me and I recently found out she is pregnant.  The thing is she lied about the dates she slept with the guy when I came back to try to work it out, and  now she is pregnant with a baby that could not be mine. I am debating on divorcing her, and she isn't planning to keep the kid.  I never thought I would be a yawg nrauj, and I have been out of the dating game for so long, I don't know how I will meet anyone else if I leave. Btw, I'm only 31 years old and my wife and I have been married 6 yrs.  Let me know your thoughts.



I'm very sorry to hear about this I hope you and your wife can work things out, but the hard part is will you forget about it? Its easier said then done cause at the end everytime there's an argument you'll always bring it up and it's going to be a cycle for your marriage.

Sometimes life comes at us with all these BS, but you just have to get up and move on. If she's getting an abortion then chances are it's not yours.

My ex cheated on me and I thought it was over but just remember you have to think positive and everything will fall into place.

Good Luck!
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: duckwingduck on February 01, 2017, 07:23:21 AM
Men don't suffer from divorce as much as women.  My friend who is very beautiful is married to a divorce me with children.  She never married before.  So you know women don't care so much whether you are divorced or not.  If you show them you love them, they will love you back.

A divorce women have a harder time finding a man.  It's even harder when she has children. 
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: plhob on February 27, 2017, 03:04:02 PM
Guys/Gals,

I never thought I would be in a situation like this, but recently found out my wife cheated on me. It's been a couple of weeks, and I came back home to try to worked it out a few times.  Now, life throws another curveball at me and I recently found out she is pregnant.  The thing is she lied about the dates she slept with the guy when I came back to try to work it out, and  now she is pregnant with a baby that could not be mine. I am debating on divorcing her, and she isn't planning to keep the kid.  I never thought I would be a yawg nrauj, and I have been out of the dating game for so long, I don't know how I will meet anyone else if I leave. Btw, I'm only 31 years old and my wife and I have been married 6 yrs.  Let me know your thoughts.
ko

It's been a year now,  hoe have you been  ?
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: nkjaubakisl on March 11, 2017, 03:43:27 PM
I know i'm super late and all but sorry to hear about your situation and complication. Honestly, once a cheat er will always be a cheater and trusting them will be hard. No one wants to do a second marriage but sometimes, life just happens that way. You do what you feel is best for you and your future  O0
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: nraug_hmoob on September 30, 2017, 08:11:45 PM
Don't worry everyone. I'm still a live. lol.  O0 I separated sinced and have lived on my own for a good year now. My marriage was legally over a few months ago, and I have officially gone on my own separate way today. I just wanted to thank all of you for providing advice for me through the the hard times. I appreciate all of your advice on here, good or bad.  It definitely wasn't easy, and it took me almost 1.5 years to get over her, but I can definitely say that I am in a better place today. I am still in the process of building my life back together, and I have been slowly putting myself back out on the market too. Since I separated,I don't have any contact with her but last I heard of her, she was already on her third or fourth guy. It's true what they say, after a breakup, the loyal person stays single and deals with the damages until healed. The other one is already in another relationship. Regardless, I did loved her at one point, and I wished nothing but the best for her. All I know is that, she will never find anyone else like me again. People just do not know what they have until it's gone.       
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: ziggie on September 30, 2017, 10:49:40 PM
Thanks for the update; best wishes
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Luna on February 26, 2018, 10:34:27 PM
Guys/Gals,

I never thought I would be in a situation like this, but recently found out my wife cheated on me. It's been a couple of weeks, and I came back home to try to worked it out a few times.  Now, life throws another curveball at me and I recently found out she is pregnant.  The thing is she lied about the dates she slept with the guy when I came back to try to work it out, and  now she is pregnant with a baby that could not be mine. I am debating on divorcing her, and she isn't planning to keep the kid.  I never thought I would be a yawg nrauj, and I have been out of the dating game for so long, I don't know how I will meet anyone else if I leave. Btw, I'm only 31 years old and my wife and I have been married 6 yrs.  Let me know your thoughts.



It's really up to you if you can forgive her and live life together again.  In the Hmong world, you might be an old divorcee, but fortunately we live in America.  You're still so young and have the world ahead of you.  You have a entire life to live still, can you live it with this person as your wife? 

***Good to hear that you're in a happier place now.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: Cali Guy on July 27, 2018, 11:10:41 PM
A disloyal person needs to be discarded and you did good! Hard to look a man in his eyes when his woman is running amok with other men.
Title: Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
Post by: MSV on March 09, 2019, 07:40:00 PM
I started reading this thread and noticed it was from 2016 and thought...."oh no! We won't know what his decision was." Scrolling scrolling scrolling...an update!

I'm glad you made a decision and am in a better place. :) That step forward isn't so bad afterall. :)