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Online Journal / Re: luvly....is she really?

« on: January 31, 2026, 11:29:03 AM »

It's a Sat morning; I didn't sleep in as I had hoped but had breakfast and am doom scrolling on TT. Watching random vids, some tugging on my feels n others having me wrapped up in the drama. Either way, distracting me from all things around me.

It's a new year and I'm not one to set resolutions. I am someone who feels, if you truly want it-you do it. Goals are great but realistically, if it is something you want-it shouldn't be a "thing" for the yr. With that said, last yr I made some life choices in activating a new me. Def still in transition but now that I am on my own n have my own space, I am trying to do my best in living for me. Several things still tugging me to retract or go back but I need to move forward, for me.

I had two dr appts this last two weeks and am finally focusing on my health. No lie, I've been avoiding the dr simply bc I don't want to hear the reality. I've been fat most my life and I know that I am most likely diabetic since it runs in my family. 2/3 of the family have it and my health tells me if I wasn't before-I am now. My eyes have been really bad in the last yr and my feet are always cold. Knicks and scratches turn into scars. It's scary but silly bc I let this happen to myself-didn't take care of myself. I also know if my mom finds out she will give me a guilt trip. I don't want her to feel pity on me-she is the first to be diagnosed so I also don't want her to possibly feel responsible. There's been a lot going on w the fam-for several yrs now. I feel if it's not my parents then it's something else. Glad I moved but I should have done it sooner. I feel I have been good or doing the best with all the stressors in my life but my temperament def is there. I have had two blood pressure readings and they have been high. In my head, I was thinking if I moved out and have a reset that I'd be OK since some stressors would be gone. Nope, I'm no dr; what was I thinking and who was I fooling.

I made the decision to schedule an overdue physical for yesterday. No surprise, I've lost about 20 lbs in the last 4 yrs but I've been on teh scale so that's no news for me. I've not been exercising, it's more than likely stress related but I have been doing better at watching what I eat and since I started a new job (less toxic) I've been able to maintain a regular eating schedule as well. It was confirmed that my blood pressure was higher than normal and I should be placed on meds. They wanted to double check my blood work (I fasted even though I  didn't schedule the bloodwork order). We scheduled other exams but I'll know for sure on Monday when labs are back about my blood sugars and be referred to a specialist and we'll see what meds they want to put me on.

For the last few days before the physical, I've been tossing and turning bc my mind couldn't not turn off and all these thoughts keep popping up.

I'll be 45 this summer and honest truth, death doesn't scare me. It's part of life. When you go, you go. That's how I see it. What I am having fears or feels about is possibly missing important milestones in my niece and nephews lives. I want to be around to see them have their first relationship, graduate high school and go to college, possibly still here when they get married. My oldest nephew is 10 yrs old so at least 8 more yrs before he graduates high school.

I have been doing better with new boundaries but this has made me rethink and realize I need to reset boundaries in order to not only help me with my mental health but my physical health as well. I've spent a lot of time worrying, catering in my own way for others, servicing others, n neglecting myself. I can't and won't do it anymore. I know some ppl will not understand and others may resent me for it but if they want me around longer-this has to happen.

Plz, luv urself!

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General Discussion / Re: Long Time No See, Happy 2026 PHers!

« on: January 18, 2026, 09:04:10 AM »

Please share when you have a moment, thanks! 

  I’m such a noob, I don’t even know how to anymore. 

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Online Journal / Re: luvly....is she really?

« on: January 14, 2026, 07:17:04 PM »

My mom finally came home yesterday after almost 4 months in assisted living. She definitely had her surgery, had her time in the boot, and had her PT/OT in recovering and relearning how to gain her balance and get stronger. She's "recovered" but she still needs her cane-if anything, she should have been w her walker but for whatever reason, she's not-or they didn't give her one when she came back home. 

I had to go back to the house after work n my HMong student org meeting to help my mom shower. I was disappointed n a lil heart broken when she told me that they didn't let her/them take a shower everyday. Maybe every three days was how often she'd get washed up. Otherwise, it was just a wipe down if anything.

Things are eh btwn us. I help where I can and bite my tongue when necessary. I try my best to keep my peace and not every thing is worth fighting for-I can't go to battle every time. It's exhausting and even more so when she doesn't hear or want to listen let alone consider anything I have to say anyway. I do what I need to and when complete, I get back to what I was working on. We were at least cordial yesterday and at one point, had a "nice" conversation.

I was rather surprised that my mom took the news of my dads' retirement party well. Step mom is throwing it but they have to come here since he's been estranged from the clan (his choosing). Just like his double bypass surgery he had last Oct (my sister and I were the only ones that flew out to see him), no one really cared to visit nor call him. This event step-mom is having is to celebrate the retirement he took a couple yrs ago and his successful recovery from his surgery in Oct to uplift his spirits. She can't do it alone, so she needs our help to coordinate everything. We all thought my mom would be upset about our involvement but she was rather understanding-we are his kids and he deserves it, especially since we did her party for her.

I was also surprised bc her only concern she asked (me) about was if my sister and her family were going to come. I confirmed that they were..."yawm yij nkawv ob leeg lod?" Yes, mom. Both or all three of them (her son too). She didn't ask about anything else. I guess that's a good thing.

Details with the retirement party are not definite yet other than location and date. I went ahead and made the invite already-just wanting for the go ahead to print it. I have taken it upon myself to look at decorations and am willing to cover that. Of course, will have input but if I can take care of that so others don't have to worry about it, that's fine. I'm OK with it. Step mom wants speeches. I'm a good rambler and I can wing things but I don't enjoy giving speeches. I also will end up maybe crying through the whole thing....maybe a video with a message instead. We'll see.

I lost a tooth. A fricken front tooth. Have to wait another week before I can be seen.

It's been five months now living on my own. I still need a dinning table if anything. Could maybe use a coffee table btu honestly, no one comes over to bother so eh. I most likely will stay here for another year. After that, I'll figure if I want to stay for another or go something a tad bit bigger. Maybe if my mom is better we could consider getting a place together. Maybe.

It's been chaotic lately. I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to go to work and it's only five blocks away. I'd rather remote but that's real talk.

On another note, a month ago my friend from Korea messaged me. He asked me what I was doing and when am I going to go to Korea to visit him. It was nice to hear from him and hear he wanted to get together-it'd been so long since we saw each other but with how things have been going-I've not wanted to travel or go anywhere. Before it was if I had time, I didn't have the funds or vice versa. Now, it's just not safe. He then said it might be best that he come here. That was before all the recent chaos. I would never want him or anyone to come risking themselves. If only my Korean was better, his was confident in his English, or we maintained our Chinese better so we could communicate better and at least vid chat. Still a goal of mine, improve my Korean.

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General Discussion / Re: Long Time No See, Happy 2026 PHers!

« on: January 14, 2026, 06:32:38 PM »

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General Discussion / Re: Long Time No See, Happy 2026 PHers!

« on: January 14, 2026, 06:31:08 PM »

Happy New Year Lisa!

Nice seeing you again... Share some of your food photos...

Hi! Hello! Nyob zoo xyoo tshiab!

I c it's just the guys on here now. 

Regardless, I hope all has been well for you. 

I haven't noj so, noj so on trips like I used to w my friends, especially since many r not married n w/ kids. But yes, still taking food photos here n there.

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General Discussion / Long Time No See, Happy 2026 PHers!

« on: January 02, 2026, 10:18:43 AM »

Hello luvs! It's been a long time since I've been on here (in GD at least).

Just wanted to pop in and say HAPPY 2026!  I see some of you are still on...I don't really recognize aliases anymore but either way, I hope y'all had a good new years and continue to have a blessed, productive, healthy, and prosperous 2026!

 

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Online Journal / Re: luvly....is she really?

« on: January 02, 2026, 10:08:01 AM »

Second day in 2026, Happy New Year folx!

I went home to spend time with the kiddos since my sidekick niece wanted me to be there. (I went home for Xmas and stayed two more days but came back to my place.) Unfortunately, they were sick in addition to their mom being sick. I made my sidekick some chix noodle soup while their dad made pho. It was a chill New Years. They were a little bummed we couldn't drive to see the fireworks but you could see them from the back deck-most of it at least. The kiddos didn't want me to leave on New Years Day but I had to come home.

Of course, now I'm home under the weather. Thankfully, not coughing but body sores and my head is throbbing! I feel a little better today. Just a little.

I applied for a new position but I didn't get it. I was so nervous going into it and when I got the notice about the interview, I was stupid and signed up to be the first one-figured I could just get it out of the way. I got some questions ahead of time and had to put together a presentation for one part. I did a noob thing and used a new platform to make my presentation and didn't think to save it on something else with my notes. I went in an hr earlier to the interview to only find that the site was down and was scrapping by to put whatever I could remember together. I was so flustered (I did share w the group I was completely thrown off and didn't have my presentation but would email it out later.) and it showed in my answers which made me go over by a lot! I am sure they gave me grace bc I was an internal candidate and some knew me. I was completely mortified, disappointed in myself, and embarrassed. I knew then and there that I lost the opportunity. Even more disappointed bc I know several who were rooting for me and highly suggested that I apply and get it. As in the world of education, let it be my learning experience. At least I still have a team and job I enjoy working with-so it's not a total loss.

Update on my mom, she's still in assisted living after her surgery on her ankle. She's been there for about three months-going on four. She's been in her boot for a month now or so and needing assistance walking as she can't walk on her own now. We were told recently she will be discharged to come home mid-Jan. So, that's a good thing. Although, she will need to not get into things and just nyob zoo zoo xwb.

The feels are still there but maybe I was hoping for something that wasn't possible. Nothing wrong with hopes...perhap s it's my sense of timing-it's always off when it comes to my luv life. Eh. Regardless of how things go, I'm still appreciative of the time spent together, the growth we are still able to make in one another, n the friendship that is still blooming.

2026 plans...I have been working no "letting things go" and really trying to find my peace in things. Thus, this year will be a year of me walking that path to peace and trying my best to maintain it, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I don't have to have all the shiny things in the world, a niche job or make a ton of money (I mean, some financial freedom from these student loans would really help though!), a huge house to live in or eat at high end restaurants. I know I can provide for myself and it really doesn't take too much and I'm very OK with that. If anything, I want to create memories for luved ones with whatever time I have and not focus on things that don't have purpose for me. I want to focus on what matters, what gives me positivity, and what will lift me instead of bringing me down, invoke negativity or pettiness or pain even. As we say at work, "we are doing the best with what we have" and "let's focus on the things we can control".

Happy 2026 y'all!

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Online Journal / Re: luvly....is she really?

« on: September 25, 2025, 11:51:58 PM »

Seven months later and here I am....checking in.

2025 has been an alright year for me. Work is work-we finally have a full team again with two people retired now. Getting to know my new colleagues and my performance review we did over the summer confirmed that I am valued and appreciated and bring a lot to the table.  Thank you!

Otherwise, this summer I took a big adult step and moved out on my own for the first time (at 44 yrs old). The kids needed their own room and I think my brother has been sensing that I've been thinking about it and maybe he also thought if he approached me about the move it would prompt me to be OK-giving me approval to leave and have mom stay with him so I could finally start to do things for myself instead of carry part of the burden of "putting things on hold" to help him with my mom. We never discussed this in detail but we are close and I've disclosed that I luv him so I stay to help hiim with the kids, my mom, n help them pay mortgage. That I'd most likely not be able to be "free" to do anything until mom is gone. Maybe that was upsetting for him to hear or maybe he felt pitty on me-I don't know as again, we didn't discuss it and he didn't say that was the reason for my older brother (he also moved back to the house for two yrs now) to move out for the kids. Honestly, I was hurt at first. Maybe if my brother wasn't so anxious when he brought it up I wouldn't have felt awkward and upset about it but a month or so I knew had it never said anything, I'd probably never have left. Now that it's been almost two months, I should have done this a long timei ago!

I now live in a one bdrm apt about five blocks from work. I didn't want anything too far (from work)-I even looked at apts across the street from my office! But I needed to be reasonable in regards to my budget. My one non-negeotiables was it needed to have A/C. Although my apt doesn't have central air it does have a sleeve unit which is fine. I'm at the office 3xweek n my remote days as long as there's a window (for natural lighting) I don't really need my lights on, I've no TV so electricity (bill) will be fine as utilities other than electricity are included (rent is $980). I just walk to work to save on gas and to get my body moving cause we all know I surely need it. Hey, it's true. I've also been meal prepping and sticking to eating what I prep and buy and trying not to eat out as much. I have to say, I've been doing well "adulting." I used to think I'd need all this money but I know I'm a practical person and other than clothes and makeup, I really don't spend money on anything else and even those things I've been realistic about my spending. I also don't have the closet space anymore-I've had to downgrade from a nice walk-in closet to a small dinky one 3ft wide closet. I've had to donate so much stuff it's almost disgusting. I remembered when I hauled all my stuff from my room to the garage to move to the new apt....I literally filled up about a quarter of a 2-car garage and that didn't even count any of my clothing! I didn't know what was more amazing or dare I say appalling, the fact that one-person accumlated all that stuff or that somehow, someway I had all that stuff in my bedroom (granted, some of that stuff I accumulated over 8+ yrs)! But I'm here now until next August. So far, so good. I miss the kiddos and they've been wanting to do a sleepover but this auntie isn't ready yet. I'm not fully settled but I'm at least unpacked. There's a few things like a dinning table I've yet to get and possible shelving unit to "complete" things. I'm holding off on decor as I'm not quite sure what "vibe" I'm looking for. I have time so I'll take it to think through.

It was disappointing to hear after I moved out that my mom had an accident. Three weeks ago my mom fell in the bathroom (we sitll kind of don't know what happened) and ended up breaking her right ankle after getting up from her wheelchair after she fell the first time (she was stubborn and didn't wait for my brother to help her and got up to lose her footing). After a week and a half she finally had surgery on it and just this Monday she was placed in an assisted living facility bc the doc said she needs at least 2 months to recover and coming home will not be in her best interest as she will need 24/7 care and we are nto equipped to lift her to go to the bathroom for the toilet or to bathe her. Staying at the facitiy will also provide her OT and PT on a daily/weekly basis which she is needing. She's obviously not OK with that and feels we don't luv her to "leave her" or take her to such a place but in this case, it really is for her safety and recovery. My mom and my relationship has never been good-OK, there was a good era when I was living abroad but it took me literally hopping on a plane and being on the other side of the planet for her to be "nice" to me. Can't say that stayed that way after I came back at the end of the semester. Now that I moved out and she had this accident, I've noticed when I visit she isn't as negative with me and isn't so harsh with me. Don't get me wrong, she's still negative about all other things and whines, gripes, and complains...pi ty party as usual. However, she's simmered down with me as her punching bag/scape goat and asks nicely if she needs me to do something. I don't know how to take it as it's odd but again, I don't have the energy to fight and argue so I don't say much. We aren't affectionate with one another and I always have my niece with me when I visit who I channel my sincerity through telling her to thov Vajtswv rau Pog before we leave and to remember to hug and say goodbye when we go. I used to just leave w/o saying anything, but now I stoicly tell her "peb mus lawm os" as I tap her leg. 

Hmong New Year was last weekend. It rained, not surprised but overall, it was eh. I didn't see as many ppl as I'd like but it was nice to finally spend it with the kiddos this year. Last year I was tabling (which I did on the second day for a few hrs) and volunteering both days so I didn't get spend any time with the fam/kiddos.

What can I say...am I catching feels?  Yeah, I dunno. It's not a situationship either, whatever that is. We've known each other since middle school n r friends. Gone separate ways in life and somehow our paths have crossed again and we've spent some time both intentional and not together. I'm very proud of the man he's become and becoming and am relearning or getting to know the man-him as I've only known the young man-him from when we were younger. I'm learning a lot and am fascinated with every new discovery. I can't say I am filled with butterflies but I know I get giddy and am so nervous when I know I will see/meet him. It's funny too bc when I was younger-I was a mute and so shy when I was mad crushing on someone. Now that I'm older, I can't shut up. I think it's the awkward silence that I can't sit through so I fill it up with questions or rambling. At the same time, I just want to learn more about the amazing person in front of me. 

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Online Journal / Re: luvly....is she really?

« on: February 09, 2025, 09:58:22 PM »

Hello PHers, nyob zoo luvs! It’s 2025; I’m still alive. That’s all. KThnxBye!

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General Discussion / Re: Ate what the locals eat (gator) in SC, they also have what Duma & NtsesHnub like

« on: August 11, 2023, 03:57:42 PM »

My brother n I enjoy gator. We have a small Cajun restaurant n town that serves it. 

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General Discussion / Re: Have not heard of this Asian Rapper until now, guess it's too late now??

« on: August 11, 2023, 03:53:00 PM »

They say she was hacked so which was it? 

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Anything Goes / Re: One Thing About You, Everyday!

« on: August 09, 2023, 09:11:12 AM »

What happened to all these people?

https://youtu.be/NrVt46Ca4HU

wow, several familiar faces but I can’t think of their names now (or aliases).

Also, am I the only one who watched n was hoping to not find themself? Thank goodness. 

A walk down memory lane though…the digicams, style, n phones (that could fit n ur palm n em flip phones)! 

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General Relationship / Re: New term I just learned that is better than "ghosting"

« on: August 07, 2023, 09:14:53 PM »

I kid you not.  I need to hang around with the youthful generation more often to stay afloat with their generation and the world that we are living in. 

Ghosting is leaving the relationship without telling the other party. 

New term called "Zombie"

That is when you ghost them but later on, you come back into their life.   

Had me thinking about all them ex and what they are up to.   

zombie eh? Makes sense. 

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General Discussion / Re: Outside of the twin cities

« on: August 03, 2023, 03:08:46 PM »

Uh... why would you move to FL? Isn't that a racist Far Right, White Supremacy state - you know; Don't Say Gay, Anti-Black history, Anti-Vax state, Anti-Sex Transition for children, etc etc all the things you aren't supporting... Beside, it's way Deep Down South where you said it's so racist and full of White Supremacy there...
I don't need to copy/paste your posts here.

I didn’t like FL both times I was there. More so bc of the heat. Sweatin like no other! 

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General Discussion / Re: Outside of the twin cities

« on: August 03, 2023, 01:44:32 PM »

I understand what you mean. Making decisions on that at times can be hard.

Yep.

Anyway, PL-how r u? Long time no c (mainly bc I am hardly ever here anymore). R u still playing soccer n having snickers n Coke breaks?